The small flame-wolf still followed him as he coasted along on silent wings, running along through the air. It had appeared one day at sunrise, about halfway through the season, and had stuck close to him ever since. The other members in his herd had the same thing, each one with a different animal. At first he had worried that it was a companion but there was no mental link between them. It was silent company, and for however long it lasted Mesec would not begrudge the bundle of harmless flames.

He had been heading back to the Throat, weaving through the air, when the voice called out to him. Sweet and full of memory, Mesec nearly dropped out of the air in surprise. Quickly his silver eyes searched for her - fear about what she might do - but in the same instant that he realized that his Mother was not here he realized where he was being beckoned to. Was it her voice? It was so tender and he wanted the will to turn away from it but this was not his first summoning. He tried to ignore it for a couple more beats of his wings before giving in and turning back toward the field at the top of the mountain.

Dusk was here, everything tinged in a violet reminiscent of her coat. No moon in the sky tonight, was she walking Helovia instead? The ever-raging war of emotions within him only multiplied when he landed, the charms in his mane jingling with the graceful movement. The field seemed empty but he did not trust his eyes. Something had beckoned him here.

He hated that there was even a little bit of hope putting up a fight and mingling with the sorrow, guilt, and anger; hated even more that hope was the emotion that stood out in his voice when he managed to find it even as also hoped he was wrong about the source of that voice. He wasn’t ready. “Mother?”

He felt sick at his own disappointment when it was a sleek feline that moved in the shadows and not his mother. But the disappointment did not last long when the voice began to speak into his mind and he heard once more the self-righteous voice of his mother speaking through this feline.

‘You should understand tough love better than most..’ the words caused him to bristle, his ears laying flat against his head and tail flicking behind him as manifestations of his irritation. Tough love? Yes, he had known it - both from his mother and others - but attempting to mask murder by calling it love for all of creation. He had to wonder whether the black feline was talking about the same Goddess that he was. Did she not speak of mortals with intense disdain? He did not think there was any love in her for any that were not useful to her, and he had often wondered if he would end up being her pawn in the end. The cold light of the moon was nothing but an echo of the warmth of the sun.

But he could no longer hold his silence when the feline said he might have had answers if he had only given his mother more of his time. He shook his head, willing himself not to be angry with this strange creature. These were words he could see his mother saying, placing the blame on him rather than on her for the tattered remains of their relationship. Must he always play the faithful dog, trailing after her and waiting for the moments when she deemed him worthy of her attentions? He spoke his answer verbally, not knowing whether the silver-eyed creature before him could read his mind as well as speak into it. “If I had given her more of my time? I seem to recall her not having the time for me. I do not accept that the murder of anyone, including a child, is the best option to create balance.” Whatever anger there was in his voice was softened by the sadness as his eyes shifted away from his company and to the distance for a moment before shifting back. “That excuse sounds like nothing more than the easiest way to justify her actions.”

No matter how many times he heard the word balance he could not believe that what his mother had done was the only way to right whatever wrong she believed had existed. “Is all that has happened since what she wanted to achieve? Did her great plan even work?” Aside from uniting many under the hate for the Moon Goddess, he wondered what she had meant to happen. Did she mean to get banished to the Edge? Were they still playing her game?

The chiding he got from the feline made his cheeks feel hot and he glanced away from her, watching the flame-wolf that was his shadow for a moment. The sting of abandonment as a foal was one he could still feel well enough, though he had not thought the wounds were still there. And he did not care for how his mind wandered to when he could have tried harder to reach out to his mother. Was the time they spent together while the rest of Helovia was living in the caves not enough? He hadn’t been able to gleen her purpose then and it was just a short time after that when the killings began.

It spoke of his own blame in the murders and this was not a foreign thought to Mesec - long had he agonized over his shortcomings. Always arriving at the scene too late or not at all, not once using the ‘gift’ his guilty mother had given him as they gathered on the sky island. Who was this animal to toss around blame, to assume that in his heart he did not blame himself more than his mother? “I recognize my own guilt in this, do not think that I haven’t carried that with me. I know my own failings but that doesn’t mean that I cannot also see hers.” He retorted with annoyance in his voice - though it did not touch the sadness in his eyes. “What is so wrong for wanting peace, to be free of pain if only for a little while? Why is it childish to believe in justice and balance that does not require murder to achieve? I’m trying to live my life as best as I can.” He did not want to be the lone-wolf demigod that the destruction of the Foothills and the scattering of his family had left him to be so he had joined another herd, he had made friends. He had been inspired into joining a revolution with Ampere to bring about justice. He just did not believe in his mother’s methods and he did not understand why that idea seemed hard for others to understand. They did not have to resort to murder to prove a point. Mesec embraced the mortal half of himself readily, believing he had much more in common with the Helovians than with their Gods. Why was that so terrible?

Immediate suspicion flared within him at the mention of a task and a gift and he noted how quick the feline was to explain that it was not a trap. As if it could be so simple. He had not understood how the last gift he had been given was supposed to help him find a murderer and he did not know what could be done to help him see things as his mother does. “If I failed so thoroughly at stopping the murders, why offer me another gift and another task? I’m not as strong as my cousins are, any one of them would be a better choice.” He was afraid of failing again, of what catastrophic results might come from his shortcomings this time. The fire-wolf that followed him paced behind him in the air and though it was not alive, it seemed to Mesec that it was growing impatient with this lack of movement. More likely, he was projecting his own feelings onto the flames. The desire to abandon this conversation and whatever came next was pulsing within him but it did not yet have a loud enough voice to cause him to stir.

There were faults that he found in her analogy, though he did not speak them. If a lion cub were left to be raised by the antelope, form bonds with them, would he not have issues when his lion parents came through and killed his adoptive family? Mesec was half lion and half antelope in this mindset, and there was no place for such a creture.

But the feline was right, he did not know his mother’s reasons for what she did because he had never asked. Once Hototo had died he had been determined to avoid her - abandoning the talisman from her that he had worn in his mane where the charms representing his fellow demigods were now tied and avoiding the herd where she was exiled.

He had been so sure in his actions and once more the ground was shifting beneath him, the words of this messenger sowing doubt in himself. Mesec was not created to harbour hate - he had entered this meadow with hope in his heart that he would see his mother and he still held hope for her, though it was as reluctant and confusing as ever. Mesec always seemed to be at war with himself and it made his own mind an unreliable council. He longed for the input of Ampere or any of his friends, so that they could help him when his heart and mind were too foggy to sort out. He was equal parts willing to believe the words spoken gently into his mind and unwilling to accept the strange and convenient logic being applied to the actions of his mother. He hated that he was being told that his attempt at peace was naive and childish, when he had begun to feel so sure with his decisions lately.

There was truth in those words and, for now, he focused on that side instead. He had been afraid of the power she had given him, afraid to cause pain in others in order to attempt to discover clues where others could not. And he had not thought to use the gift she gave him on her (though he doubted its effectiveness on a god).

A sigh, resigned, signalled the end of his argument. Ever the turmoil inside of his mind but of course he would accept what his mother offered, of course he would try to be better - to do better. The encouraging words from the feline did not have the desired effect on him, he doubted his ability to succeed so thoroughly that Mesec was convinced that he would fail even before he knew what the task was. But he would try anyway. “What is it that she asks of me? The gift and the task?”

Well, this was not something that he expected. Waiting, with held breath, his attention was focused entirely on the feline as he waited to hear what task was being asked of him, what “gift” he was receiving this time. So he was startled when the egg was revealed, recognizing a companion egg from experience with others. He had been so sure that there was going to be some daunting task that his mother would ask of him - though this certainly fell into that category in a different sense.

With a careful motion, the egg is rolled gently toward him and Mesec stepped forward toward it. Again the voice inside his head, explaining why the egg was being given to him. He felt humbled at these words, feeling the weight of this new task settle on him. It truly was both a gift and a task and the responsibility was not something that he could ignore. Here was a tiny little life, kept safe within the egg for now, that would hatch and depend on him. He did not know much about the bond between companion and horse, only what he had been able to see as an outsider. He thought of Ophelia and Tinek, of Roskuld and Chico and it was that last pair that brought a smile to his face.

At least he would know who to go to for help. Reluctantly, he looked away from the black and silver egg and to the feline that had cared for it, kept it warm, and he nodded to her - acknowledging her words and the advice that she gave. Though he did not completely believe her words about his mother, the desire to believe them was present. “Thank you.” He would have to remember to thank his mother too, when the time came and he had the courage to seek her out, but for now his attention was on the little egg that began to shift as his breath touched it.

Quickly he jerked his head back, fearful that he had somehow hurt whatever was living inside, and watched as a small crack formed where he had breathed on the egg and then more - until enough of the shell cracked that it began to fall away. There, sitting amongst the black shell with a little piece still perched atop its head like a hat, was a little baby bird.

And he knew, as his silver eyes looked into the small eyes of this new life and as he felt something change within him, that Ampere was going to kill him.