belladonna, in italian a beautiful lady; in english a deadly poison.

She needed time to think. Being alone had given her too much time to do so, and yet she somehow could never get herself to contemplate the realities of it all. Lakota hadn't seen Ktulu since the murders had ended, she had disappeared for nearly two seasons, leaving Lakota pregnant and trying to figure out if it was anything she had done wrong. Aodaun had always been the guardian of her thoughts, and it had been him and Eytan who had managed to get Ktulu and Lakota together in the end. But when the Falls was secured and Ktulu still did not return to Lakota...her thoughts and worries grew ever darker, until his attempts at convincing the Poisoner that it wasn't she who had driven away her mate were nothing but mere whispers in the back of her head.

Her pregnancy was overdue. Not by too terribly long yet, but her body was punishing her for it nonetheless. The mare was too frail, too delicate for the strain it was placing upon her frame. Lakota had always been small, her siblings towering over her, but she had fought tooth and nail against any asshole who had thought that her stature meant she could not adequately defend herself. But this was no physical foe, and she was incapable of magically fixing her body type to make the pregnancy easier on her.

She had to tell her brother. Alleo needed to know that soon he was going to become an uncle. But the Falls was vast and unfamiliar to her, unforgiving in her attempts to find her older brother and give him the good news. It only further isolated her, made her feel the emotional strain of loneliness that was amplified by her hormonal fluctuating emotions. Nevertheless she wandered, no matter how it made her back and hooves ache with the effort. She could no longer make the trip to the Threshold, after she had come across Badger and Laedere. But sitting in one place had her mind working triple time, devising ways of torturing her further, drawing up her inadequacies.

What's that? Lakota turned listlessly to where Aodaun was looking, a little cubby with a half-made tent. Her heart ached with absence, with the desire for touch and companionship. Lakota had always been a creature for the physical, though she hid it well with her undoubtedly prickly personality. So instead of turning and wandering away from whomever dwelled in the tent, she made her way there. It was Aodaun who spotted the garden first, moving ahead of her as he always did lately, ensuring any danger faced him first so he had time to warn and defend her. Garden! Lakota drew the dots herself.

"Kitten?" she croaked pitifully, shuffling in on aching hooves, her heart pitifully hoping the brindled mare was present. If company was not awarded - Lakota remembered Resplendence's hatred of the Grey, the fear in her eyes even as Lakota had defended her from Oxy - at least she could ask the mother and healer for herbs that Lakota did not know. She was a poisoner. She destroyed. Though her knowledge of herbs was also vast, both from Alleo and her time as an Earth Medic (and no she was not bitter about not being given back her rank, she wasn't) she'd never had to utilize or memorize anything regarding pregnancy and birth. Perhaps pleading with her for help would be enough conversation for the lonely mother to be, even if Kitten despised her as a person despite being obligated to help her as a fellow Falls member.

Lakota

belladonna, in italian a beautiful lady; in english a deadly poison.

Had Lakota known that Resplendence was ill at ease, exhausted by the disappearance and final return of her own daughter, would she have bothered her in her clumsy passing? The Poisoner hadn't the faintest idea. Her head felt like the cottonwood fluff that decorated the winds just before summer, intangible and fuzzy. Wasn't she a selfish person? Or was that just who she wanted everyone to think she was? It was confusing, she was just so damn tired. Couldn't she catch a break? Invasion, pregnancy, Ktulu disappearing, her brother eluding her, her aching fucking hooves. She loved the little tyke already, but the pregnancy itself was not nearly as uncomplicated as her love for her baby.

A crimson dragon spiraled above her, and Lakota watched it warily, distrusting of fire and all it came with. Instead she focused on the mental and emotional strength that Aodaun was pouring into her like molten silver, thick and beautiful. She clung to it, used the sharper state of his mind to focus on the mare that emerged from the clinging tent fabric of her crumpled tent. Lakota moved no farther than where she'd approached, not out of disrespect but because she could simply go no farther. Hooves were held aloft in circulating turns, trying to ease the ache but only chasing it away for mere minutes. But if she stayed too still, the nightmarish thoughts would return with a vengeance. Or worse, an actual nightmare to plague her dreams with worries of inadequacy and impending solitary motherhood.

A smile was managed at Resplendence's words, finding it amusing that the Medic was the Kitten and she the Lioness. And yet it was Lakota who had come to her with the thorn in her paw, not sure whom else she could turn to. This was what she got for having no friends, she mourned bitterly to herself. Aodaun could say nothing to that, could not lie to her, because she truly had none. Instead he pressed against her foreleg, sharing his head and strength should she somehow disastrously crumple and fall. It was an appealing idea, with how she ached all the way up to her knees from walking alone. Not to mention how bruised she felt inside from the tyke's vicious kicking at not being expelled sooner. I'm trying, bambino, she thought woefully at the child. It was not her fault the labor had not set in at the correct time. Perhaps it was the stress. But wait, didn't that make them come early?

Aodaun mentally prodded her as Resplendence spoke, repeating the words Lakota had missed in her haze. She didn't hesitate to brush her maw against the similarly velveteen lips of the Medic, eyes slipping closed in a horrific, pitiful display of weakness. Lakota was a nymph of touch and affection, but her walls were too far down for her to conceal her positive reactions from the Medic. "I don't mind, most people just call me Poisoner," she snorted, a little bitterly as her eyes sluggishly opened again. Gods, how could one body be so tired?

Ah, what did bring her to the Medic's tent? Was it a sense of loss, of uselessness? Why hadn't she grown used to that in the Edge? New herd, new place to taint with her uselessness, she snapped at herself. Firstly she answered the offer, still trying to sort out why she was there, how much she should say without making Resplendence think less of her. Wasn't she supposed to have a hardass reputation? Why did people even like her again? Oh, probably for my magic. Aodaun whined beneath Lakota's tired words as they finally drifted free. "Thank you Kitten, but...I don't think I can even make it there at this point," she laughed, more of a weak huff of breath than anything.

"I...I came because..." Aodaun whined louder, and Lakota mindlessly hushed him, a soothing sound she normally didn't make aloud were she not in such a fuzzy state. And to her horror, those god awful hormones decided to kick her right in the fucking face at that moment, and tears began quivering in her eyes, chasing the cusp to spill down her cheeks. With a blink, they did, and Lakota gave a somewhat hysterical laugh as they came pouring down. "I-I don't know what to do," she sobbed, eyes scared and plainly shown, because she didn't know what her body was doing to her or why she was so emotional. Her dam had never liked her, had never let her near when she was pregnant with Hana, and Lakota had no experience with pregnant mares aside from - clearly, now - herself.

"I haven't seen Ktulu since our quest when I was made pregnant, and I can't find my brother and I have nobody to help me with this!" she half-yelled, for it was all her tired vocals could manage. It came out in a rush of emotion and distress, but she was far from done as she hung her head in one last attempt to hide how far she'd fallen. "I don't know what I'm doing, I-I have no experience with this, and the foal is late and it hurts so bad because it won't stop kicking, and my hooves hurt and my spine hurts and -" she broke off on a sharp breath in, almost hyperventilating. It came right back out as a rattling sob. She'd completely lost control.

"And I'm emotional and it scares me, because I don't want anybody to see me like this," she wailed, heartbroken and terrified. After a few heaving breaths, trying and failing to get herself under control, Lakota whimpered out the last few words on her mind. "I don't want to be alone, I don't want to raise my foal alone, and I'm so scared I'm the one who made Ktulu leave," she squeaked brokenly, eyes like shattered amethyst stones as she lifted them warily to Resplendence's, unsure of how she would react. Probably laugh, revel in her misery because the tainted mare deserved it. Hadn't she always? Perhaps this was just another cruel joke from the universe aimed, as always, right at her.

Lakota

belladonna, in italian a beautiful lady; in english a deadly poison.

Nobody had ever asked her what she wanted before. At least, nobody but Alleo and perhaps Ktulu. Lakota could not deny that she merely stood there and stared, not quite sure what to make of the question or its underlying message. It made her throat tremble, her lip quiver, and she managed a teary smile. God, how could anybody take her seriously like this? At least Resplendence wasn't laughing at her yet. Aodaun snorted softly at her side. I would sooner carry you away than allow that, he promised. It helped relax the iron fist clenching Lakota's stomach, and with it came far too honest words. "You can call me Kota, nobody ever really calls me by a nickname, and...and I've always wanted to." To be fair Ktulu had names for her, even called her Kota, but there was a difference between having a beloved mate who was also your friend and having just a simple friend. "Nobody quite likes befriending the monster," she laughed, a little watery, bitter thing that she had given up attempting to control. Why was it Ktulu had more friends than Lakota? Wasn't Kota the somewhat nicer one of the demon duo?

Lakota dropped her eyes as the dragon and the mare began to fight, catching on quickly that the beast was unwilling to give Lakota any herbs to help her with the pain - or whatever it was Resplendence intended to do. Her jaw clenched against a new wave of tears. Wow, did the companions not even like her? Surely she deserved it, with all her mortal sins, but it hurt her similarly mortal heart nonetheless to feel the dagger's sting of distrust and hatred once again. There was little area left unwounded on that poor lump of meat sitting uselessly inside her chest.

And even when the dam broke and she began to cry, it ached to see her outburst force Resplendence even further away. Was she such a monster that she scared her fellow kin, even the ones she'd never harmed and had even helped? Surely she was cursed, she despaired. Even the urgent promise of help could not soothe that particular sting, especially as her words - once poised and always properly contained - began to overflow. Perhaps she'd held them back too long in her life, had not allowed herself to feel, and so her hormones were particularly brutal, as if aware they would only be able to control her for so long.

Kitten advanced upon her, but Lakota stood limp and unresisting, completely harmless. In fact, she hiccuped a sob at the words that graced her ears, like salvation and a promise that she was good enough to warrant Resplendence's friendship and aid. She came against her like a crumbling wall, pressing into the mare and returning the motion, draping her own neck over the slightly shorter mare and hugging her close rather than cautiously as the Medic had. "Okay," is all she can brokenly squeak to the initial words, to the promises that Resplendence would never allow anyone to be alone. Not even Lakota.

Archibald...Lakota gave a tired laugh against the mare's shoulder, feeling so impossibly tired, as if she could not even keep her eyelids open with all her will at her back for the task. "He's so busy being Czar, trying to kickstart the herd..." she murmured in explanation. The Poisoner did not begrudge him that, even if it was at the cost of further isolation for the tiny mare. Resplendence's voice is calm and soothing, and Lakota closes her eyes and feels each syllable like a physical caress, pushing her breast closer to feel the real vibrations in the brindled maiden's chest and throat. Normally Lakota would never dare to believe such compliments, but she clung to them with the desperation of a drowning man. Though she still doubted them, perhaps they had some sort of worth if someone who hardly knew her thought such things of her.

"Thank you," she whispered into the long locks near her muzzle. There was nothing else she could possibly say, after all. For all her eloquence she was helpless in that moment. Resplendence drawing away was difficult for the mare, and she flinched instinctively as if to draw her close once more before settling. Though to see further mockery and distrust from Valiance, her face crumpled and she glanced towards the earth, watching as Resplendence handled the herbs. At her side, Aodaun snarled at the beast, eyes promising pain if he exacerbated Lakota's condition. He had no qualms with Resplendence, in fact was nearly close to desperate adoration of her for what she was doing for Lakota, but he would not tolerate anybody or anything hurting his beloved while she was already fragile.

Lakota hushed him weakly, but Aodaun kept his eyes stubbornly on the little red morsel - what he would become, if necessary. Instead, the sapphire siren focused on the words that came next from the Medic's lips. "In an instant," she swore on a breath, eyes finding strength enough to turn hard with her vow. Lakota would give her life in a heartbeat for Ktulu. Though she did find a pitiful chuckle following it, at question of their bullheadedness. "Yes, we are both legendary in our stubbornness," she sighed fondly, eyes tired but still full of love despite Ktulu's disappearance. "But...I haven't seen her at all since I was made pregnant. I've not even had the chance to be stubborn," was admitted, not wishing to dismiss Resplendence's attempt at explanation but finding it too riddle with holes to accept.

Obediently, she collapsed with a complete lack of grace, balancing momentarily on Aodaun's shoulder as he gently lowered her to the ground so she would not hurt herself in the fall. He propped her up with his body when she was settled, else she would have fallen completely prostrate onto her side. The snow bear did not fully trust anybody but Ktulu and Archibald with his beloved, no matter his gratitude towards the quiet medic.

Lakota listened halfheartedly to the herbs and what they were intended for, already leaning forward to draw them into her mouth. Bitter mix as always, but Lakota held appreciation for what concoctions could achieve. "I miss being Medic," she whispered, staring at the ground, unwilling to see the triumph and gloating she feared would be apparent in Resplendence's golden coins. "I had a use, then. I've always been good with herbs, but more so poisons...to finally be able to heal..." she shrugged and let her words die away into silence. "Doesn't matter anymore," she murmured. Lifting her tired head she gazed at Resplendence, eyes glassy once again. "I don't know how to be a mother, especially not alone," she gave in strained whisper, seeking guidance from the older mare in her time of need. She had asked so much already, but the least she could do was try. "I love my foal so much already, I don't want to let them down," was delivered in a far shakier tone, as if ready to dissolve back into helpless, tired tears.

God she hated hormones sometimes.

Lakota