the Rift


[PRIVATE] (i come to you in pieces)

Cera the Golden Prince Posts: 419
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.3hh :: 6 Years HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Ilaria :: Red Panda :: Heal Brit
#1



He awaited her as dawn rose from the furling midnight petals of the twilight hours, a lone figure on the freezing sands. Behind him their tree sprawled ominously into the sky, eerie as its branches twisted in gnarled configurations against the brightening sky. A premonition that Cera did not recognize, for what little warning it would give. Ranjiri had stopped returning at dusk, where the pair would sleep in what had once been a feathered configuration around Ryuu. He had lost both nephew and sister in short time, and his sister's continued avoidance of him would not be tolerated. Though he could not fathom her reasoning behind avoiding him, Cera would not allow it to go on any longer regardless.

He had lost her once, had suffered through the dark nights and terrors that had consumed him whenever he'd attempted to find slumber. It had been their own pride which had gotten in the way, that time. Whatever Cera had done, had missed, he intended to rectify it. With Hototo gone, Ryuu disappearing, Ktulu a distant figure that was closer to Ranjiri than to Cera, and Midas all but absent in their lives...Ranjiri and Cera were the only ones left of their ragtag little family. His heart was tender and too gold for all it had suffered, and it would not bear any further loss.

His sister was his world and gravity, his soul and spirit, passion and forgiveness. They complimented one another, and as much as he'd like to knock their heads together sometimes, he loved her so fiercely that sometimes he wondered how he did not simply dissolve beneath its weight. The gods had not given him much in the world, but they had given him his sister. If they never deigned to spare him from further agony, cast it righteously down upon him, he would continue to worship them if only for that one flawless, precious gift. Cera lived and loved for the girl so fiercely that he could have turned the romanticized emotion into a more befitting blade of protection and fine-tuned destruction.

So he watched, and he noted when she would creep back to their tree for her own slumber - always after Cera left for his own duties, if she could manage it. His heart clenched, wondering what could have possibly driven her to leave him in such absence. Cera had never told her about his problems with abandonment, had never explained his scars or the nightmares he'd awaken from with choked down screams inside his ribbon-torn throat. He had tried so hard to keep her safe, to shelter her from the cruelties of the world. But she was passion and fire, magma and might. Too bright, too beautiful, drawing all attention to her whether good or bad. He had failed her somehow, as a big brother. Did she despise him for it? Was that why she could no longer bear to face him? Or had something more sinister happened, and she was trying to play the martyr, protect him from the pain of whatever secret she was hiding?

Her form was distant but familiar on the rosen horizon, and he stood a statue, vigilant and motionless. Two forces prepared to clash, as they were wont to do. He called out to her when she came close enough to hear him, Ilaria watching nervously from the tree branches, removed from the situation. "You've been avoiding me," he noted softly. "What have I done?" He had tried so hard to be angry, but it came out wounded and agonized, a golden heart crumbled into shards that cut him with every further movement. "First Hototo, then Ryuu and now..." he choked and turned his head away, eyes blinking fiercely as Cera swallowed down the sounds of his pain. "What happened, Anji?" And there it was, the nickname he'd given her the moment he'd laid eyes upon her tiny, newborn frame. It hadn't been on his lips in so long, but it was familiar and cherished nonetheless.

Dear Anji,

I remember when you begged me to stay, when you cried as Father took me away back to the Throat. It killed me to watch you stay behind, tucked against Ktulu's flank. I don't know where I found the strength to ever leave you, back then. I certainly don't have it now.

Do you still want me to stay? I'm here now. I promised I would be, but you're the one who's fading away. I'm not worthy of being called big brother, but I offer you my love and life for however long I live it.

Love,
Big Brother


I give it all for you
I am Ceraaaa
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!

Ranjiri the GoldenShade Posts: 372
World's Edge Mare atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.0 :: 5 HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Mara :: Common Rougarou :: Shadow ali
#2
Ranjiri</style>
it only hurts when i'm breathing
my heart only breaks when its beating
and my dreams only die when i'm dreaming
</style>



I'd spent so much time avoiding Cera that it became second nature to me. If I spotted him from a distance I would change my direction. If I went to our tree and saw him sleeping I would leave to find somewhere else to rest. I didn't like avoiding him, but I didn't want to face him, either. I didn't want to have to tell him about dad's death, I didn't want to see the look on his face, I didn't want to watch him fall apart, and I didn't want to hear him cry. I didn't want to tell him that I'd gone to his burial, had been there when everything he possessed had been given to someone else. That I hadn't even been offered a feather from his wing. I'd rather keep it all to myself, suffer silently, and let him keep living in blissful ignorance, completely unaware of just how little we seemed to have mattered.

Sleep, as usual, hadn't come easily to me during the night. Cera had been sleeping by our tree so I found somewhere else to try to sleep. The nightmares that I'd been having since I watched my dad fall from the sky and breath his last breathe plagued me. I was sure that I'd woken up a few times screaming and crying. It was another reason that I found myself wanting to be alone. I didn't want to bother anyone else. I was enough of a burden to myself.

I blame my lack of sleep from the night before on the fact that I hadn't noticed Cera standing and waiting for me. I actually heard his voice before I even noticed him. I flinched, my head jerked upward and I stared wide-eyed at my big brother. "...nothing." I whispered when he asked what he had done. My breathing became shallow when he spoke Hototo's name, Ryuu's name. His voice trailed off, but I knew what he was getting at. They were all gone and now I was avoiding him. But I was doing it for his own good!

"What happened, Anji?"

I shook me head and took a step back when he called me by that nickname he'd given me when I was a baby. "Its... I just... I..." I couldn't talk myself out of it, I didn't know what to say. "I..." I stepped back again, shook my head again. "I'm sorry..." Then I turned and I ran away from my brother as fast as I could.

"."

@[Cera]

Image Credits

aud pixel!

Cera the Golden Prince Posts: 419
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.3hh :: 6 Years HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Ilaria :: Red Panda :: Heal Brit
#3



Her reply was instantaneous, a blurt of a lie that cut into Cera's heart. A whispering breath left his lungs to linger in his mouth, useless - like him. Clearly it had to be something wrong with him, there was nothing left to drive her away! Midas was gone, Ryuu was gone, Hototo was fucking dead. Cera was all that was left, there was no way it couldn't be him. Clenching his jaw, Cera stared down at the sand that shifted warily between his hooves, dancing over the keratin on the chilled wind. She couldn't even tell him why. What had he done? He had failed so much more than he had anticipated, and it was like his heart was happily shredding itself inside his chest, burning away into ash beneath the heat of his sister's lies and evasions.

And she backed further away from him, turning away, her words stuttering and frantic. Cera's molars ground together in anxious frustration, eyes gleaming emerald in the moonlight that struck across their glassy surfaces. Deadened, removed. If she was leaving him, then he had nothing. Nobody to turn to, nobody to love, and certainly nobody to love him. They had all left him, run as far and fast from him as their bodies could carry them. No matter how Cera tried, it was never good enough. He loved them with the intensity of the sun he carried around inside his chest, but all it was good for was burning himself irreparably on the inside. And now he had nothing left to give but her, and she was willingly turning away.

Running.

But Cera had watched in agony as too many of his beloved family members had done the same. He'd tried to reason with them, call them back to his side. He'd never thought of simply denying their escape, refusing them their freedom. But he did in that moment, watching her spin away from him. And something tender and broken inside reached its last filament, and he surged forward to meet her, wings tucked tight and hooves kicking furiously at the sand

They had always joked about his eternally coltish demeanor, his long thin legs and aerial-favored body. But it only aided him as he chased his sister down, eating up the ground on long strides as he sought to overcome her. The boy pursued her, her shadowed frame and winking gold a promise of everything he'd lose should she evade him this time (enough to break him this time, to destroy him, to leave him as dust and ash and memory) reaching to shove his shoulder mercilessly into her flank. Bruises would heal, but his heart never would if she left him. It may hurt her physically, but the mere action of her turning to run from him had already shown itself to hurt far worse.

He'd lost too much. He wouldn't let her leave. He wouldn't. If you love them let them go, the saying went. But Cera would cling to her, cage her, break her down, anything to keep her by his side a moment longer. Desperate in his loss, brutal in his grief. It was better to ask forgiveness than permission, he told himself. Wasn't that another saying? "Stop!" he bellowed, demanding she stay, explain at the very least. Should she not - Cera didn't doubt it, their stubborn streaks ran far too wide in cruel duplicates - Cera lunged for her mane, gripping tight near the base to keep her still, flinging his neck over the bridge of her wing so she could not lift it in proper flight. Should that not prove to be enough he lifted his own, flashing pale in the moonlight, innocent colors in comparison to the horrific display he was enacting on his sister, and brought them down upon her body.

Left over her wing, the one beneath his neck, and the right curled round her right flank and hindquarters. Only then did he tentatively remove his teeth, tears thick on his face. "I'm sorry," he whispered. His transgressions were too great in his own mind, still believing her to be leaving him. but perhaps she could still forgive him. "Please, please just tell me," was begged on a sob, air rushing out against her nape as he dropped his cheek to her shoulder and cried. Why was he cursed?

I give it all for you
I am Ceraaaa
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!

Ranjiri the GoldenShade Posts: 372
World's Edge Mare atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.0 :: 5 HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Mara :: Common Rougarou :: Shadow ali
#4
Ranjiri</style>
it only hurts when i'm breathing
my heart only breaks when its beating
and my dreams only die when i'm dreaming
</style>



I knew that running away from Cera would hurt him, but I thought that it was the lesser of two evils. I thought that if I was able to get away from him that I could spare him the hurt and grief that came along with losing family. Hadn't he hurt enough when Hototo died? Why would I want my brother to suffer more when he could go on living his life completely oblivious? Why, when I could shoulder the burden for him and allow him to be happy?

I never knew Cera as one to chase down anyone, so when his shoulder connected with my flank I squealed in a mixture of shock, displeasure, and ... anger. The force and weight of his body pushing into my flank made me stumble and as I attempted to catch myself so I wouldn't fall I ended up turning my body more into his. "Stop!" I screamed at him and in a desperate attempt to drive him away I bit at his neck. His face. His shoulder. Anything that was within my reach I bit. I'm not proud of what I did, but I've always found that physical pain was a lot easier to deal with than emotional. The pinch and sting of my teeth against his skin would fade quickly, but how long would it take to move past the twisting knife of death?

I felt his teeth against my neck and I tried to shove at him with my wing, tried to get it high enough so I could hit him in the head... but he wouldn't let me. I wasn't fast enough and he was pressed so close to me that I couldn't move my wing. His neck was draped across my back holding me close, and his wing wrapped around me so I couldn't run away. I felt trapped. I couldn't move so I stood there trembling, shaking so fiercely that I thought he had to be shaking, too.

"I'm sorry."

"Let me go." I whispered. "Please .... just let me go."

"Please, please just tell me."

"...I can't."I couldn't, I just couldn't. "...please, Cera." I couldn't hide the hitch in my voice, or the tears that stung my eyes that made me more desperate for escape. So I tried again, I wriggled and tried to shove with my wings. I even tried to shove the side of my head against his shoulder to push him away. "I can't ... let me go."

"."

@[Cera]

Image Credits

aud pixel!

Cera the Golden Prince Posts: 419
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.3hh :: 6 Years HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Ilaria :: Red Panda :: Heal Brit
#5



Like a hurricane she exploded against him, her own scream echoing from her throat to split into his ears and head like spikes of ice. It hurt to hold her there, to hurt her, but he had to. He couldn't just let her go, not when he thought she was leaving him for good. The miscommunication may never come to light, but it darkened and soiled his heart with fear and self-hatred in that moment nonetheless. She thrashed against him, and it felt like trying to wrap a storm within his wings, but he was the grounding earthquake to her flighty whirlwind. He held strong, pinching her between his wings, ignoring her desperation.

Teeth found purchase in his flesh, and he grunted with every pinch and pull, only squeezing ever tighter each time to quell her rebellion. Lunged for her mane once more, held her tight and dug his teeth in, gritting them both against her strands and the situation. Prayed that his Lord would show mercy on him and let them make it through this ordeal together, whole. As Cera had always wanted them to be throughout their lives. Having each other's backs, guiding each other true. What had happened to them? Gods, what had happened?

Ranjiri shook against him and his frame responded in kind as he cried into her mane, tears slipping from his cheeks to land among the tangled strands he was clutching so desperately. Though she had never seemed to care much for physical beauty, he found himself in woeful regret for the mess he was making of her, as if it were magnified inside his mind into a metaphor too disastrous for his soul to bear. He was ruining her, dirtying her by not letting her go free. But he couldn't. She was the only good thing he had left in the world, he couldn't simply be expected to give up everything. He had never done anything wrong to deserve such continuous agony.

"Please," he begged. "Whatever it is, please, it's not worth losing you," he cried, wings trembling against her both with the effort of restraining her and his own overwhelming sorrow. Didn't she know how important she was to him? Whatever he had done wrong, whatever had happened, it wasn't worth his sister isolating herself from him. Nothing ever would be.

I give it all for you
I am Ceraaaa
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!

Ranjiri the GoldenShade Posts: 372
World's Edge Mare atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.0 :: 5 HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Mara :: Common Rougarou :: Shadow ali
#6
Ranjiri</style>
it only hurts when i'm breathing
my heart only breaks when its beating
and my dreams only die when i'm dreaming
</style>



The more I fought against him the tighter he held me and I was surprised at just how strong my brother was. When had that happened? I felt his teeth in my mane again and I jerked my head to the side, not caring that I could potentialy lose a chunk of my hair. It would grow back. I knew I should just give up my struggle for freedom, but I didn't. When shoving my head against his shoulder didn't make him budge I bit his shoulder again. Then I ducked my head lower and bit at his legs, hoping that it would make him back up. Then I could use that distance to shove him with my wings and run and hope that he didn't follow me.

But my brother stood strong. His grip on my mane never faltered, he stayed pressed close against my side, and his wings stayed wrapped around me. I wanted to scream at him, to call him every name I could think of (I'd learned quite a few from Ros), but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. My throat went dry when I heard his sobs and my tongue felt like it was stuck to the roof of my mouth again.

"Please. Whatever it is its not worth losing you."

I stopped fighting. 'Don't be stupid.' I wanted to say. 'You're not losing me. I'm trying to protect you, you idiot.' But I stood there, still shaking, and beginning to accept my defeat. I wondered what part of 'let me go' and 'I can't' that Cera hadn't understood. I wondered why he couldn't just do what I wanted him to do. "Cera..." I began to wonder if maybe ... maybe I had to just give up and tell him right then. Maybe right then was the right time to break the news to him. To break him.

I sighed and finally accepted my defeat. "Dad's dead..." My voice sounded flat, hollow, so very far away when I finally uttered the words I hadn't spoken since I'd told Gaucho.



"."

@[Cera]

Image Credits

aud pixel!

Cera the Golden Prince Posts: 419
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.3hh :: 6 Years HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Ilaria :: Red Panda :: Heal Brit
#7



For all his youth, his vessel was scarred and battered, and as her blunt teeth sank into the pitiful meat of his shoulder he gladly took each blow. All his life he had despised his scars, but he had grown to accept them. Anything she gave him he would wear with shame and pride in convoluted mixture, and he deserved the dull throbbing pain that took its place in the depths of his skin and muscle. But he held tight to her fury and her righteousness, quelled her with the force of his love and his own desperation. Cera had been raised to believe in the power of such emotion, led to understand that love would always triumph over hate if only because of its contrasting purity. So he held on, held tight, until her struggles slowed and she lay compliant and still beneath his grasp.

Still, the Prince kept his hold on her, though he loosened up so as not to hurt her any farther. Tresses fell from his mouth as he slowly relinquished her, careful not to retreat too far lest it was a ploy to get away. They hung in silence, time seeming to tick loudly in his head, deafening. Cera could hardly seem to hear her speak, hear his name on her lips. He felt her sigh swell against his own hide, reveled in her stillness, the life he knew was thrumming right there against him in her lungs. His sister's posture was one of defeat, of great burden, and he steeled himself as much as he could with the awareness that whatever it was, it wasn't going to be pretty.

Cera had anticipated so many things to fall from her tongue in explanation. She hated him, hated the Throat, wanted to leave him, found him broken or lacking or overbearing. That Ryuu was dead, or Roskuld, or some other horrible thing that she thought she had to bear on her shoulders alone. His sister was proud, after all. But never, not once, did Cera anticipate what actually came to his ears. "Dad's dead." It was never a possibility. It was inconceivable, absurd, completely unthinkable. Midas...Midas was indomitable, immortal even beyond the realm of what the Gods had offered him. For all the bitterness Cera harbored in his heart for the man, he was incapable of defeat, of death. It...it simply wasn't possible. Cera staggered back away from his sisters, wing slipping limp to his side, breath suddenly coming fast in his thin chest. "What?" Croaked, whispered, quavering on the brink of breaking. Hoping, praying to every God that he had always, always, placed his faith in that she would speak up and prove everything wrong. Dispel the hateful, terrifying illusion she'd cast upon him with her words.

In his eyes he was again a colt, words foreign on his tongue, lonely and starving and wanting. From a new perspective he saw once more a smiling face, paternal and unsure, the smile he'd grow up chasing in hopes of instilling pride in his father. Glimmering gold eyes, a warm side that had chased away the chill of his abandonment and filled him with love and purpose. “No, little one—I will not leave you.” Cera had never forgotten those words. A promise his young heart had believed, one Midas had broken but that the child inside had still held desperately to its chest. Tears and tumultuous flights, fatherly sparring, learning how to fly - oh Gods, Hototo - they warped past his mind and all throughout he could only see that smile. Gone. All of it gone. It couldn't be. It couldn't be! It was unfair, because though Midas was not his by blood, the man had stayed with Cera instead of Ranjiri and Ktulu. Cera knew him inside and out, had lived and breathed for the man, loved him so very deeply. His absence had therefore hurt all the worse. But Cera had still loved him.

He didn't realize he was crying until he was heaving desperately for air, a wounded noise ripping from his throat that he'd never thought he could make. For all the injustices the world had placed upon his small shoulders, this one was a burden too great even for his physical body. Knees crashed upon the sand like a sick, twisted version of prayer, rubbing raw and caustic against his skin. He felt nothing, it was a sliver against the roaring pain inside his heart.

"NO!!!"

It screamed from his maw, louder and sharper than any noise he'd ever made or heard in his life. Head thrust to and fro in sharp denial, legs kicking uselessly as if to try and stand, failing. Crumpled to the sand, pressed the flat of his forehead to the sand and s c r e a m e d. Wings convulsed at his side with each rivulet of breath he forced out of his lungs, as if trying to expel a poison that could not be purged. Midas is dead. Father. Father. Dad, Daddy, no! His forelock was matted with his tears, and his body heaved as he sucked in a breath that froze itself in his lungs like dry ice. It came out broken in crystal shards, tearing through his throat and rattling around cruelly in his chest. "No," he moaned, broken and strung out into multiple syllables with his hiccuping sobs.

Dead. Dead. Dead.

I never got to tell him I loved him. That I forgave him.

The moon in her infinite cruelty poured her light down upon him, happily seeing him through the darkest time of his life, stranded and directionless on the sand.

I give it all for you
I am Ceraaaa
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!

Ranjiri the GoldenShade Posts: 372
World's Edge Mare atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.0 :: 5 HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Mara :: Common Rougarou :: Shadow ali
#8
Ranjiri</style>
it only hurts when i'm breathing
my heart only breaks when its beating
and my dreams only die when i'm dreaming
</style>



"What?"

I knew that I had hurt Cera by avoiding him, by running away from him, and by physically attacking him in my attempt to get away. I knew it hurt him and yet I had kept doing it over and over and over again. I guess I did it because I knew that nothing I did would hurt as much as him finding out about dad's death. I wanted so badly to protect him from the anguish that would come with knowing. I didn't want him to cry or be sad. I wanted him to keep smiling, keep laughing, keep thinking the world wasn't as bad as it truly was. I didn't want him to be tarnished because in all of the shit the world threw at me he was still a beacon of hope for me. I didn't want that hope to be extinguished.

I guess I was selfish.

The only thing I could do as what I said sank in was watch as Cera dropped to the ground. I felt numb, completely disconnected from the world around me; like I was an outsider watching something that I had no business watching. He screamed and I flinched. He beat his wings against the sand and I felt the cracks in my heart widen. "Cera..." I whispered his name, but I didn't know what to say. I couldn't say 'it'll be okay' because I didn't want to lie to him. It would never be okay that our dad was taken away from us. It would never be okay that neither of us had gotten to say goodbye to him, or that neither of us had anything except memories to remember him by.

At that point I think I would have sacrificed my own wings just for one of dad's feathers to give to Cera... but I didn't even have that.

My vision blurred as I stood there watching Cera and soon my tears were sliding down my face and falling down onto the sand. I don't know what hurt more... knowing that there was nothing that I could do to help Cera or knowing that I had been too weak to protect him. "I'm sorry..." I mumbled as he hiccuped and sobbed. "I'm so sorry." That was exactly why I hadn't wanted to tell him. Why I had shouldered the burden of knowing by myself for so long; because I hadn't wanted him to fall apart like he was.

"This is why..." I mumbled on. "I ... I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want you to hurt... I wanted to protect you, but I couldn't... I'm sorry." I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry that I'm weak. I'm sorry that you're hurt.

I'm sorry that it was dad and not me...




"."

@[Cera]

Image Credits

aud pixel!

Cera the Golden Prince Posts: 419
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.3hh :: 6 Years HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Ilaria :: Red Panda :: Heal Brit
#9



In the pain that consumed him, he could hear her murmur her name as if from somewhere very far away. It did little to calm him, but it reminded him in the part of his mind that was not completely engulfed by the devastation wrought that he was not the only one who had something - someone - to grieve for. But he couldn't think beyond that, couldn't summon the appropriate response nor get a grip on his suddenly spiraling emotions. He was lost to the current of grief, the maelstrom of images and memories that cruelly splashed in technicolor across the backs of his closed eyelids. A reminder of everything he had last, the things he would never again see or experience.

He wondered how it had happened. If Ranjiri had been there in that moment, if she'd seen. He hoped she hadn't, the big brother in him that still held voice behind his agony praying she hadn't been saddled with such knowledge, such intrusive nightmares. With their luck, with their loss, Cera doubted that prayer would ever be answered.

Her words were fuzzy, like muted, distant echoes. Meaningless in the wake of the information she'd given him, the one he'd begged for. But he was in a way pleased that she had told him. What would have happened if a mere stranger had been the one to vapidly inform him of his father's death? It was a cruelty Cera could not imagine, even in the deepest throes of his thrashing sorrows. This, this was kinder. A sick, twisted kind of reprieve. A place where he could scream his agony, where nobody could venture across them, where his grief had privacy and understanding company to share it with.

But none of it mattered inside his head, so distant were those more composed, intellectual thoughts. Cera was overwhelmed by the grief, shards in his throat and happily trickling through his veins to lodge into his tattered heart. Only when his throat was sore and shredded with his screaming and crying did he simply lay there, limp, a marionette with severed, burned strings. A doll that broke and shattered upon its stage, a hollow cheek and gaping, staring, sightless eyes. Painted, bloodied mouth and shocked, unbothered expression. Somewhere inside him, the part that made him Cera, that part that made him Golden more so than Prince, was tarnished and began to crumble away into nothing.

Only when he had calmed - no, he couldn't call it calm, merely numb and exhausted by his own grief - did he hear what Ranjiri had to say. Listless green eyes rolled to look up at her, never even attempting to move. He wanted to lay there, unmoving, for all of time. Never get up and face a life that he had been living without knowing his father was dead. A life he would have to continue living, because looking up at his baby sister, he knew he had to do it for her.

So he found some sort of bedrock, deep beneath the wilting earth of his soul, and drew upon its strength. Stand first. One step at a time. She needs you. On stilt-like legs he stood, eyes puffy and red, but he wobbled towards her anyways. She would always come before him, always. "Was he buried?" he croaked, a husky whisper after all his crying and screaming. "Where...where is his stuff? His grave?" Cera didn't know which one was more important, meant more to him, which to even say first. He was jumbled and jangled and distraught, his mind was hardly functioning, but looking at Ranjiri's tear-stained face, he made himself do it.

I give it all for you
I am Ceraaaa
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!

Ranjiri the GoldenShade Posts: 372
World's Edge Mare atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.0 :: 5 HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Mara :: Common Rougarou :: Shadow ali
#10
Ranjiri</style>
it only hurts when i'm breathing
my heart only breaks when its beating
and my dreams only die when i'm dreaming
</style>



"Was he buried?"

I nodded numbly in response to Cera's question. "Yeah..." I felt my heart drop to my hooves when Cera asked about all of dad's things. I tried so hard not to think about all of the things that dad had owned. I tried not to think about how all of it was given away to someone I didn't know when I had been there. I was his child and I got nothing, not even a second glance from the turtle that gave everything away. I tried not to be bitter, tried not to feel like I didn't matter, but that was exactly how I felt.

"In the Falls." I answered. "He's in the Falls... and I don't know where his stuff is. It... was all given away to someone else... another mare with one wing." That was really all I could really remember about her. She hadn't even said her name. All she had done was stand there crying like she was the only one who was suffering. I didn't even know how she knew my dad or what her importance was, but she was obviously far more important than Cera or myself.

"I wish... I wish I had something to give you." I whispered as I stared down at my hooves. "I don't even have a feather... I'm sorry." Sharing my burden with Cera should have made me feel better, but it didn't. If anything the weight on my shoulders felt heavier, like it was crushing me.

I was quiet for the longest time. I couldn't make myself look at Cera so I just stared down at the sand while the memories played back in my mind. The Basin, the storm, the lightning, him falling, the screams, the Earth God...

"I saw it happen...."

"."

@[Cera]

Image Credits

aud pixel!

Cera the Golden Prince Posts: 419
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.3hh :: 6 Years HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Ilaria :: Red Panda :: Heal Brit
#11



Buried. His mind rejected the idea initially, and was summarily further confused by the next thought in his own head. A minute shred of innocence clinging to the idea that Midas loved him, that he would return even after seasons leading another herd. Why is he not buried here? Remembering why was almost as painful as the initial news. Except...no, nothing could surmount the agony of that realization. Even the gods could not rip him apart so slowly and mercilessly as to cause him this deep a pain. It hurt to know that he was buried in a place Midas had called home. When had that changed? Wasn't home made by family? What had he and Ranjiri done to deserve such desertion? And now...now Cera could not even visit his grave without permission from a stranger.

As he struggled to his hooves, swaying beneath weight too heavy for his already burdened shoulders, sand bit into his knees where he'd knelt in useless, belated prayer. His heart was cracked and bleeding, and though he'd sworn long ago to give his all to his Lord, he could not see why these trials were constantly placed upon and before him. He hurdled them every time, toppled and a little more broken though he always was after each one. So why must he continue proving himself? Was this a test of faith, of loyalty? Had he not already displayed that, by forsaking his father to remain in the sands he'd always lived on?

A mare with one wing. Cera's cheek twitched into a snarl. An uncommon, rabid sort of expression on his rather effeminate face. "Africa." There was no doubt to his words. The mare had disappeared, abandoning her post to live in the Falls with Midas. So all his father's possessions had been handed to a random lover, one who knew nothing of all the flaws and pores and scars of the man? Cera had known every in and out of the stallion, could recall every little detail if he so much as closed his eyes. And all of it, every last reminder of the man who had saved him, loved him, protected him - gone?

Building fury was quickly doused by his baby sister's words, her crumpled face and quiet, wavering voice. Turning he moved towards her, embracing her firmly as he threw his neck over her withers. Blood still stained his pelt, born from her teeth, but he pressed against her skin nonetheless. Blood. It was such a useless thing, Cera's entire family had never been founded on it. But he pressed closer nonetheless, as if he could somehow make that untrue with Ranjiri. "It's okay," he whispered. Even if it wasn't okay. Just a lie that they collectively buried themselves beneath, too afraid to look into the world that lay beyond its canvas shield. He couldn't promise they'd get something, but whatever he had been attempting to say suddenly fell to bitter ash on his tongue when she whispered out another confession he'd never wanted to hear on his lips.

A soft, moaning denial left his mouth and he pressed himself into the base of her mane, holding her all the tighter. "I'm so sorry," he murmured. "We...maybe we can have it erased?" It was a tentative suggestion, but surely the magic was available. Anything, anything to help her with the trauma that Cera couldn't even imagine going through. Except...maybe. The scar across his breast ached. Is dying as intense as watching someone die? "Or numbed, or blurred or...something. Jiri you can't - you can't live that way, it'll kill you. Trust me." His words echoed hollow and ancient at the end. Chuckling bitterly he buried his empty eyes into her frame. "I had to kill our father, after all." Did she even know about that? She'd never asked about his scars, and Cera had never told her. She didn't deserve that weight, that knowledge. But if it encouraged her to at least gloss over the memories...he'd do his best to explain just how much a mortal soul could wither away with that kind of weight on them.

I give it all for you
I am Ceraaaa
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!

Ranjiri the GoldenShade Posts: 372
World's Edge Mare atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.0 :: 5 HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Mara :: Common Rougarou :: Shadow ali
#12
Ranjiri</style>
it only hurts when i'm breathing
my heart only breaks when its beating
and my dreams only die when i'm dreaming
</style>



"Africa."

I shrugged when Cera said her name because ...I guess at that point it really didn't even matter what her name was. She already had everything that had ever belonged to my dad. I know it probably sounded selfish of me to think that way or to want something that was his, but didn't I deserve a keepsake? Wasn't I his child? Why couldn't I have something to remember him by? Something that every time I looked at it I would remember his face, his voice, or the shade of gold that colored his wings? Not having anything made me feel ... unimportant. Like I didn't matter when I should because I was his child.

I felt like I was crumbling and when I felt Cera's neck over my withers I stepped closer to him and rested my cheek against him. 'Its okay' he said and it was the lie that I'd been wanting to hear from everyone, but it didn't make me feel any better. Not like I had hoped it would. I sucked in a breath and I could smell the blood that I had drawn by repeatedly lashing out at Cera in my attempt to protect him. It was just another thing I screwed up and the reality of what I'd done, of how I'd hurt my brother physically and emotionally suddenly crashed onto me. My entire body shook and I tried to choke back a sob. "I'm sorry.." I whispered because the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt my brother... and I had.

"We...maybe we can have it erased?"

"No..."

"Or numbed, or blurred or...something..."

"No..."

"Jiri you can't - you can't live that way, it'll kill you. Trust me."

"No!" And I jerked away from Cera, my ears back and my eyes wide as I stared at him. "No! I won't! I can't!" My chest heaved and I had to force myself to stop moving backwards. "I... I already don't have... I don't have a lot of memories of him...I..." Was it sad that I had so few memories that I'd be willing to remember my dad's death? My gaze fell from Cera to the ground and I stared at it. "...I need to remember something. I don't have anything else..."

"I had to kill our father, after all."

I lifted my head and looked at Cera, confusion evident in my eyes. "...what?"


"."

@[Cera]

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Cera the Golden Prince Posts: 419
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.3hh :: 6 Years HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Ilaria :: Red Panda :: Heal Brit
#13



They were two figures lost in a storm neither seemed capable of handling. Tethered together by the bonds the man they'd lost had made, ones that would last long past his death. Perhaps it was one of the few things Midas had ever done right, though he'd seemingly failed at holding any relationships of his own. He'd brought Cera to Hototo and Ranjiri, and the three would be in remembrance forever when it came to their legacies. Midas may have left them an impossible road to follow, paved in gold and apathy, but Cera would not walk it. He would not fill those shoes, take that glory to bolster himself. For too long he had been a shadow, a cast-off of the glow Midas had always seemed to harbor. Never quite enough. Not blood. An orphan. Nothing except a charity case to bolster the proud leader. Another reason for the masses to love him, because he was so kind to have taken the abandoned slurring colt beneath his wing, and with no mate at that! Cera hated it. Hated that Africa had seemingly stolen what little remained, with a meager few seasons to her name in comparison to Cera's years of living with and loving the man.

Onni and his Lord had once preached love, not hate, to his young ears when he'd arrived dull and defeated in his murderous glory on the sands of the Throat. His fake-father's words still ringing bitterly in his ears, as they would for years onward. Cera had kept that faith, buoyed himself with it, but for the first time he let himself sink beneath the surface of his own goodness and revel in the hatred he felt for all the years spent tirelessly working towards being sub-par.

The only thing that kept him floating was Ranjiri stepping forward to return his embrace, smearing blood carelessly upon one another. Blood had never tied them anyways. Cera would never be able to be tethered by it anyways, outcast and orphan that he was. It didn't matter to him, never would. Love was so much stronger, so much more important than something as worthless as blood. Her apology was barely a murmur in the haze of his own anger and despair, but he murmured forgiveness complacently in return. How could he not?

Truly her explosion should have been expected, but Cera instead turned deadened eyes to her, clearly unimpressed with her childish screeching. He had no patience left to give, hadn't he already given enough? How could she still be so foolish and blind in the face of this harsh reality? Or perhaps she simply had not suffered as much as he did. Gods spare her. "But you wish to cherish his charred remains in your nightmares?" he droned coldly, uncomprehending. "Torturing yourself does not honor him. But it's your choice, not mine." And with that he ended it, because he'd not fight with her. Not now, when they'd already lost so much.

"If you want my memories, have them. I don't doubt the Gods can copy them to you if you want something of him more pleasant." But of course, that's not what she'd focused on. His tongue had slipped him in his dark, decaying bitterness and betrayed that which he'd never desired to tell her. What did he have to further lose? Oh...that's right. It wasn't he who could lose anything, barren as he was. But it was clear Ranjiri still clung to her innocence, and it was that which he'd be destroying.

"There were evil copies of ourselves running around Helovia before you were born. Midas' clone was particularly evil, he was dying in this land as the Gods purged them, but he tried to kill me. I merely beat him to it." It was said in a mechanical voice, lest he drop into those memories and never return. He had compartmentalized everything until it was bearable, and had henceforth never deemed to touch those memories again. Turning his eyes slowly to Ranjiri he gave a wry grin. "So I know your burden. But when life left his eyes, it was under my power. I was the one who had to hurt him, to spill his blood. I watched him die and wondered if maybe I was wrong, maybe it was just a curse, or possession. Maybe it really was Midas. So when I tell you that it's better to let it go..." Tiny shoulder shrugged. Eyes dropped. Stopped for fear of scaring her with the details of his own disgusting sins. "Then again, I never did."

Summoned by some sort of nostalgia, Cera dipped his nose to the scar across his breast, letting lids drop and eyes shutter. Breathing softly against the wicked thing. Like a holy man reaching for his rosary in times of trouble, but distorted into something rather gruesome considering it was the scar that had nearly ended his life - the first time at least.

I give it all for you
I am Ceraaaa
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!


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