the Rift


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Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#1
Roskuld & Zchiraxicon
Where there's no Law tying my heart from the start..

The water was frozen just enough to be a perfect mirror.

It was still and—maybe morning, I’m not sure, I wasn’t paying attention to the time or whatever. I was looking into the water—into the mirror, cuz mirrors like this don’t happen often in nature. And if they do, they’re the pretty sort of mirrors, light reflecting off a smooth surface like a chime or whatever. Not this; this honest picture of the world, frank and only slightly tinged with a little blue. You could shove anything in front of a mirror like this and it will tell you, bluntly, what exactly the shit is.

And here I was, looking at myself.

Looking at myself.

Because I never really do that, do I?

You were curled up somewhere, watching with vague interest, kinda dozing your little skunk nap but intrigued by everything I was doing. And thinking. And feeling. You were curious about my curiosity, and you were wondering what it meant—cuz I certainly couldn’t tell you.

What I look like don’t change who I am—so I never cared about it. And I still don’t, in all honesty. But…I mean, still. There was a crisis in my life going on, a conundrum that surrounded me that was spurred by the dawning of my own consciousness. Or like. The consciousness of my own ignorance. Something that was getting harder to ignore; steadily, I was figuring out that it was bound to fuck up the scheme of things. I can’t fix shit if I don’t know what I’m fixing; I can’t use a tool if I don’t know what it’s for.

And somehow these analogies were translating to the ignorance of my own body.

I didn’t know jack shit about it.

I was standing there, kinda staring at myself; moving my head from side to side, watching the way my neck flexed with that movement. Is it supposed to be so thick? I asked you, and you kinda cheesed a little lazily at me, your way of saying ‘How the fuck should I know?’ I frowned and I watched the way my mouth moved on my face—and I looked at my face while I was at it, at my cheekbones and my forehead and the way my ears sat on my skull. Is it supposed to look this rough?

I kind of posed; I moved my chest around, watching my muscles move underneath a hide that was overgrown, dusty, kinda sour-smelling and littered with petty scars. I frowned some more. This is ugly, isn’t it? And once again, you didn’t know, or care, cuz you loved me anyway. And I didn’t know, or care—but it was a ringing question. What was ugly? What was right?

I turned around—cuz while I was at it, I might as well look at all of me, right? It’d been a while since I’d even thought of myself from this angle; my ass was a natural part of me, not something to gawk at and pick at and speculate over. But here I was, doing just that. Is it…bad if it’s this big? I asked, more to myself than you at this point, cuz I knew you didn’t know. Is it gross if it jiggles when I move? Is it…shaped like it’s supposed to be? Are asses supposed to look like this?

I moved my tail, and another question popped into my mind—but this time, it was familiar. What does it mean if I don’t have a tail? I wondered, something panging in my chest, Is it a bad thing? What’s it mean about me?

And then I…um. I…I lifted my tail, cuz uh…that was a place I never looked, either.

Is that gross…? I asked in a tiny thought, while you yawned your little skunk yawn, Are they…are they all gross like that? How do I know if it’s shaped okay? What does it mean if it’s--

I didn’t even know what I was about to ask; I bit my lip and stared, poised awkwardly in front of a frozen pool of water. I was standing in front of the most honest mirror I’ll likely find for a while yet—and the problem was, I wasn’t sure what it was showing me.




@[Ktulu]<3
"talk"

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Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#2
Ktulu
The grove certainly wasn't an area that Ktulu frequented; her previous trips had always been her simply passing through on her way to of from the Edge, but she found herself wandering. Everything was quiet, the herds all seemed to be keeping to themselves, her warriors all seemed to be doing as she told and patrolling the areas she told them to. Lakota was busy caring for Murtagh and the little colt was busy making his Papa love him more and more everyday.

In short, life was looking up. It wasn't the same as it had been and it never would be the same again, but it was getting better.

She was getting better.

Ktulu sighed but remained quiet as she and Eytan moved through the grove with no particular destination in mind. It had been some time since the pair had wandered and the bear actually found that he missed it. There was a lot of pressure and responsibility that Ktulu had been saddled with and he felt the same pressure she did through their bond. This was good for them, he thought. It was the break that they needed, a good time to relax so they wouldn't burn themselves out on the duties that came with a high position within a herd.

They would have continued through without stopping if it had not been for the black and white figure that Ktulu noticed standing near the frozen pool. It made her stop and she watched Roskuld, her niece that she hadn't seen since ... since Hototo... The dark mare swallowed the lump that was rising in her throat and glanced down at her companion who's gaze was also fixed on the demigod.

'What she doing?'

"I don't know..."

'Weird...'

Ktulu could only grin at Eytan because she'd always found the girl to be a bit of an oddball, even as a tiny tot running around the Foothills. "Come on." She murmured to the bear as she began to walk toward Roskuld as she checked out her reflection. She made no move to disguise her approach because if Roskuld was anything like her aunt and someone sneaked up on her she would attack first and ask questions later. "What are you doing?"

"."

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Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#3
Roskuld & Zchiraxicon
Where there's no Law tying my heart from the start..

I heard a noise and my tail fell, clutching itself against my body as I saw my Auntie stalking up the way towards me.

Like.

FUCK.

Why didn’t you say anthing??

And you were just kinda laying where you were a ways away, a ball of fluffy skunk mass, your attention pulled towards the grizzly bear that walked in my Auntie’s wake. I could feel your curiosity overpower the waves of my complete and utter embarrassment; you got on your paws and trudged up towards us, little skunk nose twitching in the air as you looked up hopefully towards the big brown bear. Just…fuck off, won’t you? You have no business being this damn adorable.

Shit.

I stepped away from the mirror-smooth surface of the pond, as though that were enough to hide my actions; as though staying out of the path of the pond’s honest reflection would cover up exactly what I had been looking at moments ago. No one needed to know all that--she certainly didn’t need to know that. Right?

Right?

*"What are you doing?"*

“I’m…” I blurted, but my voice trailed off and died as I looked at my Auntie. Really looked at my Auntie. Cuz it was the first time since I had seen her since…since Hototo…died. I hadn’t seen her since I broke down and lost myself to darkness for a brief second, willing her to hate me if that would make her feel better. And, looking at her now, it was clear where the pull in her face came from, the sunken eyes, the “offness” of her body.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Auntie,” I finally said—words that just tumbled from me before I could stop them. I lowerd my head, my eyes—everything drooped like the sinking feeling in me, seeing her so broken up. “I’m sorry…”





@[Ktulu]
"talk"

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Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#4
Ktulu

Movement off to the side drew Ktulu's attention away from her niece for a brief second and she watched as a skunk approached her and Eytan. A skunk? She was wary of it, wondering if it was coming toward her to spray her and Eytan. Disgusting. But it stopped and it looked at Eytan with something hopeful and curious in its eyes and the grizzly was more than willing to make friends with the creature. He ducked his lead down and pressed his nose into the skunk's back and snuffled its fur.

"I'm..."

Ktulu's crimson gaze left the skunk and her own companion and settled once more on Roskuld. Her ears tilted forward as she waited for Ros to continue, to explain what she was doing, to say something. When it came it made Ktulu's body grow tense, made her face pull tighter, her eyes grow distant because she knew what Roskuld was apologizing for. The image of Hototo's face flashed in her mind and she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head as Ros apologized yet again.

"Stop." She said before another apology could be uttered. As Ktulu opened her eyes she immediately took note of the droop of Roskuld's body, how she looked so defeated, so sad ... so thin. As she watched her it dawned on Ktulu that the very last time she'd seen her niece was the day that Hototo had been murdered.

She hadn't spoken to her.

Hadn't looked at her.

She'd ignored her, all so she could throw every ounce of her hate at the gods. She began to wonder if Ros thought that that hatred was felt for her as well when it wasn't. Ktulu could no more hate Roskuld than she could hate her own daughter.

It made her feel worse for ignoring her for so long when, looking at her, it was so obvious that she was in pain as well.

The dark mare stepped forward, leaving Eytan to entertain the skunk. She said nothing as she draped her neck over Roskuld's and pulled her niece against her chest. "...you know I don't hate you, right?"

"."

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Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#5
Roskuld & Zchiraxicon
Where there's no Law tying my heart from the start..

She stopped the words in my mouth before I could spew any more—but I still wasn’t looking at her right, like my eyes were too afraid to see what kind of face she’d be wearing. I just stood stock-still, awkward and subdued, the embarrassment gone for now as I waited for the real reason she wanted to shut me up (chew me up, spit me out, tear me limb from limb—). But all she did was reach forward—and I was in her embrace before I knew it and the world was flipping up, down, and all around in so many different ways, I went dizzy.

Auntie and Ma always smelled the same—well, damn-near the same, at any rate, close enough that it used to piss me off as a foal whenever I’d grope for a warm body in the dark and it turned out it wasn’t my mom. But those little baby rages always melted quickly cuz this type of scent always meant something warm anyway, whether the hide was light or dark, and I guess warm things are a baby’s way of discovering love at first.

She was holding me now--touching me, and that was basically love, right? And it made my face screw up and there was stuff behind my eyes that I sucked up cuz I knew deep down—just like Ma—there was no way she could still love me after something like that. It was just so much…safer to assume she secretly hated me, and even though she was showing me love and acting on an impossible thing—

*"...you know I don't hate you, right?"*

I gave a shaky sigh and, for a moment, I couldn’t find my voice. I just settled in her embrace—and eventually I let myself feel it, too, Auntie’s weight and everything telling me this was a real body pressing against me. I sighed again, then again—but I think at this point it just means I was breathing really heavy, like I was trying not to drown.

“I missed you,” I whispered, feeling so small for the first time in a while—I pressed myself against her like a little filly who couldn’t see straight and was looking for the side of her Ma. “I miss…I miss everyone,” I said, and in my eye I was looking at the Foothills and all those bodies that my head piled in that place, those people around me that I had grown up around when I was small and didn’t understand that, one day, it would all be one.






@[Ktulu]
"talk"

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Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#6
Ktulu

There was no answer to Ktulu's question, no 'I know you don't. or 'You don't?' or even an 'I thought you did.' and it made the dark mare sigh sadly. She took it to mean that Roskuld had spent months and months thinking that she hated her when she didn't, and why wouldn't she think it when she'd been ignored? Ktulu hadn't even thought enough to look for her in the aftermath, but then she hadn't even looked for her own daughter. She'd been too wrapped up in anger, grief, and hatred for the gods that she blamed for her son's death.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as she clutched Roskuld even tighter against her chest. "I... I didn't mean to make you think I did. I should've looked for you... I'm sorry..." Her voice trailed and she fell into silence and listened to her niece's shaky breathing, felt the way her body finally began to relax as she settled into an embrace that had taken far too long to happen.

"I don't hate you...I don't..." She found herself saying, because she could still hear Ros' voice echoing in her ears; 'Hate me if you need to hate.' "I'm...not good at showing it but...I do love you."

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too." Ktulu murmured and she was going to let go of Roskuld, but then she felt her press closer and it became even clearer just how much Ros needed to be held. Guilt began to weigh heavier on Ktulu's shoulders because it never should have taken her this long to find Roskuld and it never should have taken her so long to let her know that she didn't hate her, that she did, in fact, love her. "I'm sorry..."

I'm sorry I'm such a shitty aunt.

@[Roskuld]

"."

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Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#7
Roskuld & Zchiraxicon
Where there's no Law tying my heart from the start..

*"I'm sorry."*

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Everywhere, everyway, everyone—always, always sorry for something. All the time apologizing to me for some bullshit, like there was ever a time or place where it would ever be appropriate for me to be mad at anyone, at any time.

“Everyone’s--sorry--,” I stammered, the thought bursting through my lips before I could stop it. I backed out of Auntie’s embrace a little, just enough so I could look her in the redness of her eyes.”Everyone…everyone apologizes to me all the time and I just—I don’t want--“ I stammered and struggled and wrestled with my thoughts to try and twist them into coherent words, “I just want people to stop saying sorry to me all the time.”

I looked at her again, in those eyes that her daughter must’ve stolen from her at some point in the womb. “I don’t want sorry,” I whispered, the words tasting too familiar in a bitter way I wasn’t ready to face yet, “I don’t want people to be sorry, I just—I want you and everyone else to be happy and I—“ My mouth gaped open, empty, because I couldn’t find the strength words to articulate the thought in my head, the crushing, honest idea of me that I was still trying my damndest to finally face down.

In the end I sagged a little, my shoulder slumping again as a hopeless chuckle slipped passed my lips. “The world’s…stronger than me,” I admitted in a small voice, a voice only for someone who smelled too much like my Ma, “and I can’t bend it the way I wanna….”

I fell quiet, thinking about the words Auntie had said: “I'm...not good at showing it but...I do love you." I shook my head sadly, the smile playing on my face just a little too sharp and sad for warmth; I guess it was in the blood. Auntie, Ma, and me, struggling with words and actions and feelings—probably feeling it all so hard, even if it had trouble climbing out of us in ways that the rest of the world understood.

It…was scary, looking at my Auntie’s bare words and the dare to believe the truth in them. I could’ve just left everything in the dust and let them forget about me instead of bearing myself to the burn of her searing hatred for my failure with Toto. Jiji had already taught me that love didn’t really have direction to it, didn’t she? But that didn’t make it any easier to hold onto, cuz a senseless thing is a thing you can’t keep tabs on or measure; there’s no method of determining when or how or where or why it might finally flutter out. If there was no reason to love someone—if there was no reason for a flame to burn in an empty stove—how do you make sure the fire doesn’t grow cold, an finally die?

“…you sure?” I asked suddenly, all of me closed up and subdued as I looked up at Auntie from the shadow of my lashes, “You…you ain’t sick of my ass,yet?”






@[Ktulu]
"talk"

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Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#8
Ktulu

Ktulu relinquished her hold on her niece when she backed away and she listened in silence as Ros said that she was so tired of hearing sorry from everyone. She couldn't help the frown that tugged the corners of her mouth down toward the ground as Ros said she only wanted everyone to be happy. "How?" Ktulu asked. "How can everyone be happy when there's so much evil?" It wasn't her desire to trample all over Roskuld's wish but she was a realist and a bit of a pessimist. She'd seen too much in her life to believe that anyone could be happy for more than just a few fleeting moments. She also didn't believe that everyone could be happy because one individual's happiness could be another's sadness, hatred, and despair.

“The world’s…stronger than me and I can’t bend it the way I wanna….”

"Its stronger than all of us." Ktulu murmured, and it was. "There's really not much we can do about it, is there? In the end we just ... we have to move on. Accept what we can't change and whats stronger than us, fix what we can fix and conquer what we can..." But it was so much easier to talk about accepting and moving on than it was to actually do it. It occurred to her that, once again, she was trampling all over Ros' desires... whatever they might be. She wanted to mutter an apology but held it back as she remembered what Ros had said just a few seconds before. I don't want sorry.

“…you sure? You…you ain’t sick of my ass,yet?”

"No... I'm not sick of you." Ktulu said and, honestly, it stung a little that Ros might think she was sick of her. How could she be sick of a child that she'd watched run around the Foothills as a fat little foal with her own daughter? How could she be sick of her sister's child? She might have been frustrated and exasperated at times with Ros' antics, but she never hated her or grew tired of her. "I meant what I said." She said quietly. "I do love you." And even though she meant it with every fiber of her being it was so very hard for her to say because she had a long history of losing what she loved. Her mother, her father, her son, her sister for some time, Circe, even Lakota had disappeared for a while. "...like I love Hototo and Jiji."

@[Roskuld]

"."

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Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#9
Roskuld & Zchiraxicon
Where there's no Law tying my heart from the start..

I was getting sick of this spiral of shit that I couldn’t escape, this fate or whatever that doomed us all to a shitty life. It was happening now—Auntie spewing the thoughts that already turned over and over in my head at night, one of those many things that kept me up at night, alone and ready for something to jump out oat me. At one point I would’ve gotten frustrated and snapped my teeth at the air at all the “fate” flying around us—but my heart didn’t have the energy for it, honestly. It was just this lump in my chest that pounded painfully, throbbing steadily and feeling more like a splinter stuck super deep in my skin instead of a vital organ.

It didn’t help when she mentioned two others that I had failed (and was failing); something in me shriveled up and I stayed quiet cuz I was happy to see her but my eyes drifted off somewhere to gaze at the surface of an almost-frozen pool. I didn’t know how to follow up with that—being compared to her children did a lot of things to me that was too tangled in themselves for me to see properly.

“I…” I kind of stammered, my voice figuring it should leap from my mouth for some reason, “I….yeah.” Which didn’t mean anything, really, and it was kinda rude, I dunno. Someone says “I love you” and you say “Yeah” and suddenly you’re an asshole. “I love you too Auntie,” I said back to her, and I meant it, I swear I did—but there was an air of awkwardness coming over me and I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t feel like holding onto a warm body right now (I wasn’t working with that sense of shamelessness I had a lot with Leos) so I…I kind of stood there for a moment wrestling with a thing in my head before I would let it leave my mouth.

“Have you…” I started, the question oozing out of me with agonizing slowness, “Have you…um…talked to Ma recently?” I wasn’t sure exactly what I was asking. I just knew the question had battled my sense of fear and preservation along with my rising sense of curiosity, and the curiosity, for now, won out. I think it had something to do with you (who was now nibbling on Eytan’s face with little skunk teeths, you idiot) because there were questions in  your head you had about the things swimming in my mind, and the questions you had were too good for me to be able to answer.


"talk"

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Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#10
Ktulu

"I...I... yeah."

"Yeah..." Ktulu repeated softly and she was unable to hide the small smile that curled the corners of her mouth upward. She shouldn't have been smiling, she shouldn't have thought it was amusing that Roskuld's reaction was 'yeah', but she couldn't help it. It kind of dawned on her at that moment just how much of herself she saw in her niece. The hard, rough exterior that sheltered a heart that beat too strongly and fiercely for everyone she loved. The inability to just come out and say 'I love you' without it feeling totally awkward and wrong. The attitude, the temperament, the mouthiness ... there was a whole laundry list of things that just reminded Ktulu so much of herself that it made it impossible to hate her niece because, in essence, hating Roskuld would be like hating herself.

“Have you... Have you…um…talked to Ma recently?”

"Its been a few weeks..." Ktu murmured. "She came to the Falls to tell me that she left the Basin and was going to the Edge to uh... to live with Torleik..." Even though Ktulu was happy that Ophelia had finally found someone to love she couldn't help but feel a little jealous over the fact that Phi loved someone else. It made her wonder if Phi had felt the same way when she found out about her and Lakota, but right then wasn't the time to dwell over that.

"Have you seen Ranjiri?" Because it was her turn to ask a question. "I haven't seen her... since I left the Foothills." And she realized how horrible a mother she was because she hadn't even thought of even looking for her daughter after Hototo's death. She had known that Ranjiri was in the Basin but hadn't gone to see her before they invaded the Falls. She probably didn't even deserve to know how her daughter was doing, where she was living, or if she was safe.


"."

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Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#11
Roskuld & Zchiraxicon
Where there's no Law tying my heart from the start..

*"She came to the Falls to tell me that she left the Basin and was going to the Edge to uh... to live with Torleik...”*

I was reminded that Torleik was his actual name. And then I promptly forgot it again because fuck Shapes.

Something bitter and burning slid down my stomach as Auntie told me Ma went to actually live with him. Which didn’t make real sense—cuz didn’t they both live in the Basin? “I thought Sh—uh, Tomlek was a Basiner, too?” It had seemed that way when I last talked to that rat-bastard to his face. Like…I dunno, there was something missing that I wasn’t catching and the whole picture felt out of place without that missing piece.

But I left that detail alone, because something was being confirmed in my head that I had been dreading, and it was like that burning sensation as solidifying into a smooth, solid pit of pure black and awfulness. “So uh…they…” I stammered, because the question was a lot more painful then I could’ve really anticipated, “They’re…they’re really a thing? Ma had said he’d been a “protector” and a “friend” and my dumb ass was still clinging to the possibility of it being anything other than what it so boldly appeared to be. "She...uh...she didn't say anything else?" About the horrible daughter that cussed her out on her own doorstep?

I felt like an asshole dreading it, too. Like it was such a tragedy for there to be someone in my Ma’s life that could make her happy like he was apparently doing. Which was a knife-thrust in a gut, ‘cuz that meant she needed someone like him to really shield her from someone like me.

(Which means she really did h—)

But Auntie was taking me back to other things, pulling my mind away from shitty shit to other shit that was almost as equally shitty. “Jiji?” I asked, her name coming up in a blaze of crimson and gold sparks (at least in my head) “Yeah, I …I just got back from seeing her, actually.” My voice, my body, everything had perked up when Auntie pulled her daughter in the conversation—like, I dunno, I still felt shitty about lying my ass off to her, but that didn’t mean she still didn’t burn glowing coals in my body.

It still had to dampen, though, because she was asking how she was doingand this world was chock-full of tragedies. “She’s…really beat up about her Pa,” my voice dropped, cuz I didn’t know how to address Midas in front of Auntie. I didn’t even really know if she knew he was dead—it just seemed like she would know, adults tend to know everything which is why I’m so convinced I’ll be a child forever. “I spent some time with her ‘n everything but I couldn’t stay…I got shit to do.” And I’ll always have shit to do, always and forever, that would keep me away from my Jiji.



"talk"

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Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#12
Ktulu

"He was chosen to be the Edge's new King." She answered Roskuld's question about Tomlek being in the Basin. Ktulu took note of the tone of Ros' voice as she said his name and the way she mispronounced it and she wondered if Ros disliked him and if she did why. "She uh... says she loves him." Came the answer that followed the question of them being a thing"And... that she was doing something for herself. That she was following her heart, if I remember right." For a few seconds Ktulu stood in silence, staring, and wondering if she should ask the questions that buzzed around in her head or if she should let it go. In the end she was too curious to just let it go. "Do you not like him?" She asked and she watched Roskuld's face, looking for something, anything that would give away the truth if she decided to lie.

But their conversation moved on from one unpleasant topic to another. "...you did?" She asked, trying her hardest to swallow the lump in her throat that formed because Roskuld just got back from seeing her. Ros took it upon herself to visit her cousin. "Where is she?" She forced the question out but was forced into silence because “She’s…really beat up about her Pa.”

"...what?" Ktulu asked, confused. "What about him?" The last she'd even heard of Midas he'd been locked away in the Basin while the invasion was under way. It didn't make sense to Ktulu that her daughter would be upset over Midas not being a leader anymore. Whether or not Midas had been released was unknown to her, but as she thought about it she realized that she hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since the invasion. "Why?"

“I spent some time with her ‘n everything but I couldn’t stay…I got shit to do.”

"What happened?" There was some awareness that something really bad had happened, but no one had told her anything. She'd been far too wrapped up in grieving Hototo, completing her quest with Lakota, the invasion, the birth of her youngest child...


"."

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Time the Dice Queen Posts: 144
OOC Account atk: 50 | def: 50 | dam: 50
Mare :: Other :: 5'7 :: 22 HP: 5050 | Buff: DROPKICK
Time
#13
unarchived per request

Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#14
Roskuld & Zchiraxicon
Where there's no Law tying my heart from the start..

*"She uh... says she loves him."*

Figures. Fucking figures.

I couldn’t really hide the grimace on my face as Auntie confirmed the one, great fear I had about that jackass. That my Ma would find something attractive about him like that, that he would be a thing that soothed her demons better than anyone else could. No, I couldn’t see what Ma saw in him (and maybe there was some bias there) and it made my mouth go sweet and sour just chewing on the thought—that she was following her heart, and it was leading her right off the edge of a great, black-plated mountaintop with fucked up shapes etched in the cliff face.

*"Do you not like him?"*

Oh, uh—

I snapped back to when Auntie asked me that question—calling me out, clean and simple, but I guess you can’t really call out the obvious, can you? I could feel the pull of my face and even knowing full well that it was there, I was still having trouble  wiping it off my eyes, my stiff mouth. It’s one of the hardest things about wearing your heart on your sleeve: it’s sorta stitched there. It’s just, at that moment, I wasn’t about to fall in that particular blackness in front of Auntie. I didn’t want no one to see me at my lowest. No one I cared about, at least.

“We—uh, don’t play nice,” I said, looking hard to my right as I shrugged off the nightmare clinging to my back (Are you happy to hear now that even though your mother was raped by a god—). My jaw tensed, because it was still a hard pill to swallow, especially with someone watching me like that. “…But I guess I don’t need to like him if he makes Ma happy, huh?” There, I said it. And it tasted awful and it made my chest pull painfully and in the back of my eyes I knew there was something being poised to make some tears—but I said it out loud, finally. Which made it official.

Agh jee, I wanted to drop this heavy shit, all this painful talk ‘n whatever, but Auntie wasn’t finished prodding through all kinds of terrible shit. It got even better: she started asking me about Midas, like the shit that happened with him wasn’t public knowledge. Which meant that it had fallen to me to tell her about it.

I just sorta stared at her, though, cuz oh shit. I’d never had to do something like this before; usually I was free to feel however the fuck I wanted to, cuz everyone else either knew or didn’t know about whatever the fuck was making me feel that way, and it wasn’t up to me to change that status. But I can’t just ignore Auntie’s ignorance like that. I don’t know who Midas was to her, or how she felt about him, or anything—I’d barely seen him during my childhood in the ‘Hills—but he was the father of her daughter, so that was important enough.

“Auntie…he died…” I said in a hushed, slightly incredulous voice—cuz I couldn’t hide the shock of her not knowing about it fast enough. And oh shit that’s right, we need an even heavier sprinkling of shitty feelings all over this heaping pile by reminding me of the shit that surrounded his death. “…during the invasion.”

And just fuck me forever cuz I couldn’t stop that slip of cold, dark bitterness that was so damn-near an accusation.







"talk"

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@Ktulu



Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#15
Ktulu

It wasn't exactly shocking news to Ktulu when Roskuld admitted that she and Torleik didn't exactly play nice. She had figured as much from the grimace on her niece's face when she confirmed that Ophelia was in love with the dark man. Ktulu, herself, had no issues with Torleik, but had she known what had happened between the stallion and Roskuld she would have not only had an issue with him, but with Ophelia as well. In her opinion, it didn't matter who you loved or who your heart longed for, your children were who you defended from everyone and everything. It didn't matter how old your children became, they were always your children, it was something that her mother had told her growing up and it had stuck with her.

"No, you don't need to like him." Ktulu murmured with a shake of her head. "You don't need to like anyone." What kind of world would it be if they were forced against their will to like someone? Certainly not a world that Ktulu wanted to be a part of. She wanted to be free to hate and despise whoever the hell she wanted to.

As their conversation moved on to Midas she could tell that something was wrong. The look on Roskuld's face made the dark mare frown. What didn't she know? Was it something bad? Of course it had to be bad if her daughter was as upset as Ros was leading her to believe. But would she even care what had happened?

“Auntie…he died…”

Oh.

Wait... what?

"He's dead?" She asked, clearly not believing that the Great Midas had died. Had he been so upset over being dethroned that he'd offed himself?

"...during the invasion."

"He wasn't even there." Ktulu snorted at the accusation she picked up in her niece's tone. "He was a prisoner in the Basin when the invasion happened." It wasn't her fault that he was dead. Whatever had killed him had happened in the Basin not the invasion. But that explained why Ranjiri had been as upset as Roskuld had said.

It wasn't her fault that he had died.

It wasn't her fault.

It wasn't.

It wasn't.

It wasn't her fault and she didn't care because he hadn't cared enough about her or Ranjiri to make their family work.

"."

Image Credit

Icon by Tay

Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#16
Roskuld & Zchiraxicon
Where there's no Law tying my heart from the start..

He's dead?*

Goddamn I was hating this.

I just stood there, not looking at Auntie, looking off over to the right cuz it ain’t like I was the officiator of the shit. It ain’t like I had written the death certificate. Hell, I didn’t even know the bastard. I’d barely met him before and I certainly hadn’t been there when he was buried. I didn’t know what to do or say to make her believe me; hell, the only evidence I got was the way Jiji had said it, the way her face was lined like sleep hadn’t found her in way too long. My Jiji ain’t a liar; that ain’t something you lie about, anyway.

* "He wasn't even there. He was a prisoner in the Basin when the invasion happened."*

Aw shit and here was the snap back, like I had been attacking her (and I’m not sure if I really had or not). I just snorted softly and shrugged. “He died trying to go back,” I said, remembering what Jiji had told me about the incident, “He heard his home was up in flames and he tried to get back to ‘em like he was supposed to…He wasn’t there, but the invasion got him killed.” I forced it out of me, those words, knowing it was gonna do some awful shit to Auntie and hating, hating, hating it, but it was shit that needed to be said cuz—

—cuz—

—I was starting to get sick of having to stomach the shit that happened. I was so sick of having to swallow it down and accept it like it was something natural, or normal, or right. There was an invasion and my whole family was in on it, and somehow they found a way to fight against each other. Great. Fucking great. How the hell do I fight that battle?

Looking back, I think that’s the moment I really gave up on trying to make sense of the shit. It was tiring, it was awful, and it was a weight that no one wanted to take away, that everyone needed to keep themselves grounded for some strange reason. So I…accepted it, and that’s the bubbling of sick in my stomach. I accepted that people died and I didn’t understand why. I accepted that it was gonna be a thing.

What had Auntie said to me just a few moments ago?

No... I'm not sick of you. I meant what I said. I do love you.

Welp. We’ll see how long that lasts.

A butterfly landed on my eye at that moment. Which was weird and I was gonna blow it away before I realized it was you, that you had zpsnk!ed when I wasn’t paying attention because you had felt that now was the time that I needed something supportive on my eye.

…Which helped, actually. Huh.






[I am the most awful of people]
"talk"

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@Ktulu



Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!


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