Her heart was a tangled mess, a memory of what was, when she had been strong and valiant and untouchable. She was a trembling doll of the Queen she deserved to be, the one she had worked so damn hard for. The past nights she had put Thranduil from her mind completely, shaken as she was by their encounter and her own confession. She wouldn't allow herself to think of it, to think of her downfall, the one she could sense on the wind almost as easily as Alice could distant prey. Hotaru had pushed herself away, trying not to remember the nights of heartbreak and betrayal in her past, trying to muster up the courage to find her strength once more. The Goddess fight on top of her encounter with Thranduil had destroyed her walls, and she was rebuilding them to the best of her ability. What else could she do? 

Her thoughts went to her children, both blooded and not. Arya had disappeared into the snows, taking a piece Hotaru's heart with her in her absence that would not be filled until she returned. Raeru was similarly wraithlike, though understandably. It still hurt that Aviya and d'Artagnan had reclaimed her, when Hotaru had taken up the mantle before them and allowed herself to fall in love with the lost little girl. And Mirabella, the child that had finally returned to the peaks of the Basin, the one that had valiantly fought against the Moon Goddess, the one that reminded Hotaru so much of herself sometimes. Lost and filled with so much hurt and misplaced anger.

Find? Alice perked up inside her head at the prospect of distraction and a quasi-hunt. Her maiden's heart was as twisted as her mind, and Alice wanted only to spare her from that fate however she could. She didn't understand all the words that had transpired between her master and Thranduil, young as she was. Had been privy only to the tsunami of emotions that had overtaken Hotaru in the midst of it all. 

They were laying together in Hotaru's claimed cavern, watching the icicles melt in the Tallsun heat, counting idly the drops that hit the earth before their noses. Boring, Alice huffed from where she lay against Hotaru's side. Hotaru huffed right back, a small electric ball forming before her nose, pressing it stubbornly down against Alice. It popped with a small electric shock against the both of them, but it was worth it for Alice's yelp, Hotaru thought with a grin as her nose smarted in retaliation. 

"Fine, yes, let's go find her." Alice was on her paws immediately, bounding out of the cavern. Hotaru rolled her eyes and pushed herself to her hooves, walking out of her cavern and following the excited hellhound - easily spotted with the thick black-purple smoke that followed her everywhere she went, in a world of white. Alice awaited her patiently, and the pair struck out into the snow, searching for the girl they were trying not to think of as family. Pack, Alice sniffed daintily in her head, and Hotaru laughed softly, mist tickling her nose in the chill. "Okay, pack. I like that." Pack it was. 

Alice's nose was as accurate as ever, even with the snow that dampened scents and cloaked tracks in new layers. Hotaru ambled naturally after her, deceivingly frail and delicate beneath the unnaturally warm rays that flushed across her skin. It was an odd contrast, her ankles still deep in the freezing powder as she paced along the edges of the available caverns. Mirabella...the child was not hers, though it seemed Hotaru was prone to adopting any wandering babe that moved across her path. Did she see herself in them? Lost, without a friend in the world, cast aside by all those they'd sought to impress and prove themselves to? Or was she projecting her own convoluted past onto them where it was undue? 

Still, it seemed fillies were drawn to her, brought out from the very woodwork without her so much as asking. What did they see in her? Her magnificence was hard won, underhanded though many of her accomplishments had been. Still, how was that any measure of personal worth? The Lady snorted softly. As if she believed any part of her still remained from her original self. She was a construct, a doll with a thousand layers that Hotaru painstakingly pasted on to keep the shawl of mystery firmly around her. Did they sense how far she'd come, then? The empire she'd made out of the nothingness that they had in that moment?

She'd teach them the ways of ruling. 

Alice growled happily in agreement, hell-black eyes blinking up at Hotaru as they fell into sync. Alpha, she preened, and Hotaru grinned, flash-burn bright and quick. Now wasn't that a beautiful term? Far better than Lady. Alice's mouth parted into a toothy grin, pleased to have impressed her sister, and turned back to the hunt at hand. Not a hunt, Hotaru reminded her idly, eyes traversing the towering mountains at her side. Alice only huffed, paws a muted crunch in the snow as she took the lead once more.

It didn't take long, Mirabella's cavern filled with her scent after moons of residency. Alice barked softly, pulling at Hotaru's mind in a childish move that prompted a sensation that felt almost physical. Rolling her eyes at her hellhound's impatience, she shuffled forward, a smile creasing her mouth to see Mirabella standing attentively before her. The formality of her words...well, Hotaru knew she could not ask for much more, not when there was still so much to know about the child. 

"Mirabella," she greeted coyly in response, coming to a dainty halt, tail elegantly wrapping around her hind ankle. Alice sat obediently at her left foreleg, waiting for the formality to pass so she may sneak out and hunt, or otherwise leave the females in peace. Hotaru tilted her crowned head, observing the youth, contemplating once more the path she'd already dedicated herself to walking. 

"You did well out there," she began softly, bihued eyes never wavering. Intense, focused. All pretenses of delicate femininity shattered in the face of her seriousness. A revelation of the proud, cunning creature she was. "Never stop fighting for what you think is right. Take everything you think should be yours, physical or otherwise. I'm proud of you, Mirabella." As if it would mean anything to the child, she thought to herself. Was Hotaru even worth the adoration her daughters paid her? 

Pretty face softened into a smile, almost motherly if she dared to allow herself to think it. "For a long time, I didn't know what I was meant to be." Dark forests and looming shadows that she'd cowered beneath and lived within for so many seasons. A pedestal she'd never thought she'd be able to reach, and look how far she'd come. Worthy, Alice hissed at her side, though her stance never shifted. Hotaru felt a bloom of appreciation and bride stick to her ribs like twining flowers, and felt a pulse of affection from Alice in return. "My mother had achieved so much, I felt undeserving of her blood." Ironic, since she was a pegasus, and Hotaru led the Aurora Basin. "My twin sister was beautiful and proud, and I was left to slink along in the shadows of their greatness, hating how weak I felt." Pale jaw twitched to remember. She'd sworn to never be that weak, never again.

"So one day, I left. I ran, and I never looked back. I was still scared, and one day I made the first real decision that changed my life." A foxy smile slid across her mouth, eyes glinting and shimmering with old success that still heated her blood with remembrance. "There was an older filly, an outcast. She had a golden chain twined into her mane with an amber jewel at the base. There was no logical reason to want it, it was a useless trinket, but..." dainty shoulder shrugged smoothly, head tilted and mouth grinning slyly. 

"Like I said. Take whatever it is you desire, and let nobody stop you. So I did." Icy tail flicked forward, catching the sunlight from behind her. She'd never stopped wearing it, a token of her past and the moment her life had started to change for the better. "It changed my life. I didn't feel weak anymore, I felt unstoppable." Alice was almost vibrating with primordial desire and echoing pride, no matter how many years had passed since the event. Hotaru turned to catch Mirabella's eyes purposefully, face sobering.

"You stood up to the Goddess, Mirabella. That is no small thing." Especially for her age, Hotaru thought to herself. "I want you to have this," she clarified, tail giving another flick to draw attention to the trinket. Turned and yanked it free, a few glimmering silver hairs going with it as she turned, hoping to place the hooked end in Mirabella's mane. "So that you can always remember to be strong." And she stepped back with a smile, quietly afraid in her heart of hearts that the child would reject her token and the importance it held to her. 

The surprise on the child's face is evident, her pinned, trapped expression lifting and giving way to shock. If Hotaru did not have a plan in mind, she would have smiled, amused that Mirabella thought she of all people would condemn her for her actions. If you did not stick your neck out, flirt with death a little, well...where would you be? Lines were meant to be flirted with and cross, rules meant to be bent and broken. How else could advancement be achieved? They would follow along fate's guidelines like sheep, throwing themselves willfully from the edge if they did not stop to think with their own brains for once. 

The gratitude is something she's a little less prepared for. Then again, Mirabella was as starved as Hotaru had been back then. Completely alone, weathering the storms of the world with nobody at her side to support or encourage her. Hotaru had been a bitter, resentful mess. Frigid on the outside by screaming on the inside, wanting somebody to look and her and just see how far she had fallen. How badly she needed a friend, a confidant, an ally. Somebody. If Mirabella was anywhere near where Hotaru had been at that age...well, the Lady would do anything to keep that same fate from unfolding for the child. 

And as Mirabella leaned forward to accept the token, Hotaru felt her heart warm in her chest. It was not going to be rejected. It held far too much meaning, and she wondered if it would help Mirabella through the nights and trials where Hotaru could not be there for her. Hoped it would give Mirabella the conviction to find and conquer a path of her own, even if it was not one echoed by Hotaru's past in the jewelry. If the road of a sleuth was not Mirabella's calling, the Lady hoped that at least she would find purpose of her own. That when she gazed down at the golden chain, she would remember Hotaru and take strength from that. 

 "You're welcome," she said softly, eyes uncharacteristically warm. "Maybe it will do a fraction of the good for you that it did for me."