the Rift


[PRIVATE] heartbeats

Rexanna Posts: 499
World's Edge Mare atk: 4.5 | def: 8.0 | dam: 5.5
Mare :: Unicorn :: 15hh :: 7 years HP: 61.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Marembo :: Marbled Polecat :: None Skylark
#1
and you, you knew the hand of the devil.
and you, you kept us awake with wolf’s teeth.
Ever since the fight with the Tigress, I had been a bottle of emotions and confusion like I had never been before. I knew that things were too good to be true, in all reality. But part of me wondered what would have happened if I did leave the Basin and went to the Edge with Tembovu. Perhaps the child wouldn’t have happened? Perhaps things would have been better off for the both of us. I knew that Tembovu worried that I had slept around behind his back after I confessed to him but I never thought about having to worry about that same thing with him and the feeling was painful. So unlike something I had ever felt before. Hell, I was the one who caused that type of pain. It was different receiving it.

So I made my way to the Haruspex cave. In the hopes that my dear friend Ashamin would be home. I made my way in, hooves tapping against the cold stone of the Basin caves before pausing. Perhaps I should tell him who it was and what I needed? If I got no response I could assume he wasn’t home and just wait for him to get there, but I did know one thing. I needed to talk to someone and that someone being him. He could help with any emotional struggles I was having, I was sure. And I only hoped that he would do the same with me if he was ever in some troubles.

Lifting my head up a bit, doing my best to ignore the pain of the throbbing that coincided within my skull, I inhaled gently before speaking. “Ashamin! If you’re home and have time I really need to talk to you.” My voice carried surprisingly well in the caves and the vibrations of it made me shrink to myself, the sound vibrating off my ears that trickled more with a bit of blood and the gross pounding feeling within my barrel that made me exhale the rest of the breath I had saved for my calling to him.

How would I even bring it up? I would need to tell him everything about me and the issue at hand. I hoped he wouldn’t judge me by them. Maybe he will have seen how much I’ve changed! At least, I think I’d changed for the better. But now I wasn’t so sure.

"Talk?"
image credits


@Ashamin Get to this when you can! No rush :D
[Image: lovelyskylark.gif?8]
Permission given for moderate power play.
Feel free to use magic/force on Rexanna, without killing her.
Please tag in every post!

Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#2
THE HARUSPEX
on his own

Day brought sleep over the Haruspex before he had discovered anything. It was rare that he experienced revelations just by staring into that mirror at the back of his cave--in fact, he never really had. But he still had a fervent hope that he might accomplish something just by looking.

It felt, to him, as if he were the only one in the herd with such a sedentary role. He stirred himself with spars and the activity of mock battle, but that had grown to be too much for him as of late. There were real wars happening now, and he was too much a part of those to separate himself and host spars in the Basin as well. He couldn't keep up those appearances--he still had healing wounds, still had dark memories of those battles.

His faith and his trust in the beauty of death could only carry him so far. It was still tragedy, if not for those who died but those who remained. Four gods had died with less consequence than those several mortals whose lives had been ended, because the mortals had been loved.

He dreamed of death again, but this time with much less horror. Ashamin knew its comfort, now. And when the sounds of hoofbeats infiltrated his nocturnal sleep he tried to push them away, ignore them, so that he could continue to live among the dead. What was dreaming but an escape to heaven, once you had seen it?

But he could not ignore the sound, and even Lochan's consciousness stirred. Not enough for the young cerndyr to wake, but enough for Ashamin to. He turned his head sleepily to the sound.

Rexanna?

He blinked awake, his long tail flickering like a flame being born, his large ears twitching with tired excitement. It had been some time since he had seen this friend, perhaps...

No, it wasn't just to catch up, of course not. She needed him as an advisor, because that was his role. Even his friends remembered that when he forgot it.

"Rexanna?" he answered, dragging his body slowly from the mirror's shadow and into the day's bright light, "What is it that you need?"

For I must always be here and alive, ever at your service.

""

image credits


@Rexanna --no need to tag me here on out.


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead


Rexanna Posts: 499
World's Edge Mare atk: 4.5 | def: 8.0 | dam: 5.5
Mare :: Unicorn :: 15hh :: 7 years HP: 61.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Marembo :: Marbled Polecat :: None Skylark
#3
and you, you knew the hand of the devil.
and you, you kept us awake with wolf’s teeth.
I waited, patiently. Willing to leave if I needed to. I didn’t want to bother him more than I felt as though I had been bothering others. But, he showed up. He walked into the opening, light filtering over him in a soft haze as I gazed at him. Offering him nothing but a small half hearted smile. I held my head a little bit lower this time, closing my eyes for mere moments as his familiar voice filled my ears – ears that trickled blood and a pain in my stomach from the horrible fights we had all been at. I remembered seeing the spotted stallion there for the ones I was in and I hoped that he hadn’t been hurt. Though, as I opened my eyes, my gaze drifting to meet his face blinking with the days renewal. I had awoken him and part of me started to feel like I should just turn and leave – but no. I made my presence known and he was here to chat with me, even though he could tell me to leave and I wouldn’t even mind.

My tail twitched back and forth as I tried to pick the right words to say. “I need advice. But I want to say that it’s not because it’s your job to do. I admire the work you do, Ashamin. But I need advice from a friend. I – I’m having troubles with the heart.” My voice was strong at first. Sure, a person whose job it is to give you advice might not give you the advice you need like a friend could. And I needed the hard truth. I needed a friend’s advice to get me through the next, well, forever. I sighed slightly to myself. Shifting my weight in a kind of awkward manner. “I’m not sure how much about my past you know as I’ve only shared it with one person, but my past has come back to haunt me and I’m not sure what my best course of action would be. You see, I met someone. And I loved him in a.. sensual way. But then I met someone else and I love – loved him more than I’ve ever felt before. I made a bad decision and both have decided to turn away from me. But I started to fix the burned bridge between the second stallion and I. But, I – I think he’s had a child with another and I’m not sure what to do.” I paused, lowering my head. Defeated.

I just – I can’t be alone anymore, Asha.” Hushed whispers soon took over my voice that was once so strong as I figured out what to say next. Did he want to know who these creatures were? I would be more than willing to tell him. Perhaps he knew more about them than I did, but the thought reverted back to Caleb and how I needed to fix my relationship with him if anything were to come from us and I felt like I had done a great job of building it up with Tembovu. But did Caleb see that? Did he see how warmed up I had been to Temb? Would be not even be willing to take me back? Would be turn me away just as Tembovu had to have a child with another? How was I even certain that the child was his? My head swam with more and more questions until eventually I felt as though I had begun drowning. Suffocating on the overwhelming turmoil that had become my mind. A place that was once so full of solitude and meditation now replaced with darkened thoughts of how much I tend to just screw people’s lives over. Suddenly, the idea that everyone was better off without me grew more and more appealing.

"Talk?"
image credits


Ashamin - Holy muse hi. xD

@Random Event - HFH and GLL i think?
[Image: lovelyskylark.gif?8]
Permission given for moderate power play.
Feel free to use magic/force on Rexanna, without killing her.
Please tag in every post!

Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#4
THE HARUSPEX
on his own

Oh, how wrong she was. And oh, how impossibly too tired was he to make sense of all that error.

He understood that she was upset; if her voice had not conveyed that clearly enough, then the awkward rhythm of her heartbeat would have given her away. He held her electric pulses in his own chest for a time, as if too feel something more or perhaps related more closely to what she spoke of, but it was helplessly distant.

She was no older, just smaller, and there were so many things she knew about that he didn't. Love. Sensual love. Ashamin had never even felt sexual love, it was not exactly on his radar.

Well, maybe it was, but he didn't recognize it so much. Not as much as he should have, at his name. Not as much as it should have been preoccupying him. But maybe he was just a late bloomer, maybe he should not be so preoccupied with affection as he should have been with sex, with touch.

All he wanted was kindness. He wanted love, and he wanted it with everyone he knew. Why was that strange, how was that unachievable? And while he struggled so much, Rexanna... well, perhaps she was struggling too.

He didn't know, anymore.

The buck cast her heart from his chest and listened instead to her words, as little sense as they made. And she wanted his advice, on this? Perhaps he could have given her advice about the gods, or offered her a spar, but then again... no, he wasn't very well versed in those, either.

When she called him Ashamin he bristled--visibly. He had not heard that name in a long time, he had not heard that name since his father had spoken it. He had not heard the name since his father had died, since before helovia...

So he bristled, visibly. His tail struck out erect and his nostrils flared. Was it anger or fear? He couldn't even say. "Ashamin, Rexanna," he said in a whisper so quiet it felt like a hiss. "Ashamin," he said again, perhaps inaudibly.

He knew he was supposed to advice her, but it was difficult to think of anything other than his mother, then. He sighed, large ears drooping and black eyes catching hers only for a moment before he turned away to look outside.

"This first stallion, whoever he might be, his child is not yours. His life is not yours. We all lead our own lives and we must all attend to our own loves, face our own loneliness. Likely, this is his current path. If he cannot live without you he will find you with a deeper love before, and if he can then you will find each other again or you will not," he said, trying to hide his hopelessness. He couldn't turn her away, he couldn't but...

"If it's another that you love, and if this first has moved on, then perhaps that is all there is to it. You can tell this new champion against solitude, if that is truly what he is, only that without him you must always be lonely--that without the first, you still can survive. Time will pass and such loneliness will resolve itself," he returned. And then, more quietly as if to assure himself, "It must."

But Ashamin, Ashamin, the haruspex in four bold tones, was there anyone for whom he felt such love? Was there anyone of whom he could say with confidence: Without you, I'm sure I would die?

""

image credits


@Rexanna


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead


Rexanna Posts: 499
World's Edge Mare atk: 4.5 | def: 8.0 | dam: 5.5
Mare :: Unicorn :: 15hh :: 7 years HP: 61.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Marembo :: Marbled Polecat :: None Skylark
#5
and you, you knew the hand of the devil.
and you, you kept us awake with wolf’s teeth.
I listened as silence overtook the Hauruspex’s cave. Ashamin seemed to mumble to himself for mere moments but by the time I was finished talking, his eyes met mine briefly before shifting to the outside. His words weren’t exactly the things I wanted to hear, but they were honest. Great advice for something that had my head wrapped up in a blanket of confusion. I only lowered my head as he continued. I said nothing, silence falling on my lips until he had finished. He was right. Tembovu’s life wasn’t mine. His child wasn’t mine – even if I wanted it to be. It wasn’t. And I had to come to terms with that. Facing loneliness was something I had gotten used to from birth, but here in Helovia I finally got to experience what true love and feelings were and what wonderful things could come from it. I could survive it, but the problem was that I didn’t want to. I nodded to him, my left ear flickering back slightly before a small sigh had emitted from my maw before I lifted my head a little bit further.

Thank you,” I began, clearing my throat slightly before my blue eyes turned slightly more downward, watching his hooves from the distance I held. “I’ve just been through so much in my life thus far that I was hoping perhaps something would’ve gone right for once.” I smiled meekly, sweeping slightly further into the darkness of the cave before resting a hind hoof on the stone. “I was a princess back home. It sounds cliché, I know. My mother was the Queen of the lands I was born into. My father was the leader of our armies. As I’m sure you know the King had trouble with that. After my birth my parents were killed by the King and I was raised a servant.” I paused for a few moments, wondering if I should even continue or not. “I didn’t even know I was partially royal until a rival herd came in and the King searched for diplomacy. Offered me as his daughter for their prince. Things didn’t go very well. We hardly got along, but I was the mare. I was supposed to follow his footsteps and not second guess his judgement. And so I did.” I paused again. The smile fading from my lips.

I shifted my weight and swished my tail against my ankles lightly, turning my head to let my gaze fall along the outside world. “I’m sure this is new for you, but I even had a child with him. He…” My voice cracked, turning into more of a hushed sound as my eyes flickered close for few moments. “He didn’t make it to birth. The prince then found out about the lies the King had thrown them and had attempted to kill me. And so I spent the last three years escaping him, coming across Helovia. I was nearly captured once. But I had ways of getting out of it, the ways of which I used with the first stallion I met here.” My voice was gentler, strong but not that of a strong mind – more of strength of a broken heart and trust issues. “I met Caleb. He was the one that I had seduced. We had been a thing off and on, really. Until I met Tembovu. That’s the mammoth that’s given me more heart troubles than anything else.” My heartbeat raced at the mention of his name. A flurry of happiness and sadness mixing into my stomach at the thought of his possible child. “I cut everything off with Caleb and did my best to fix my mistakes with Tembovu – but alas it failed. He’s not even sure if the child is his.

Moments passed. Ears flickered to and fro with every few seconds. “He is the one I think I can’t live without, but it appears he can live without me.” Shooting my head up to let my gaze land on Ashamin, I inhaled sharply before flattening my ears in a kind of regretful stance. “I have so many regrets, I think I need to speak with Caleb.” I finally said, glancing along Ashamin’s face in the hopes of approval. Hoping deep down that he could understand why I was the way that I was. For survival.

"Talk?"
image credits
[Image: lovelyskylark.gif?8]
Permission given for moderate power play.
Feel free to use magic/force on Rexanna, without killing her.
Please tag in every post!

Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#6
THE HARUSPEX
on his own

He was still half asleep, this much should not be forgotten. Whatever wisdom Rexanna found in his words could liably be attributed more to her powers of perception and interpretation (surely the the thief in her lent her this skill) than what Ashamin was able to cobble together. It was true, too, that the painted haruspex was growing to doubt his own knowledge.

It seemed, lately, as if it were just more words sinking into a murky pool. If anyone was still alive in the water to make any use of them, fine, but he was abandoning them without care. He was just littering, let others find gems in his waste.

But still, she thanked him. That was really the burden of this position, the same burden that would not bother so many others--taking credit when it wasn't really due. Ashamin suppressed a snort, holding it in at the last second when he realized she was about to tell him of her past.

This was becoming a frequent occurrence.

He listened with something alternating between feigned and genuine interest. He did care, really, he did. But how many others had such tragic stories to tell? It was more sadness that made him feel jaded--sadness that such horrible pasts were so common. Especially, he noted, among the mares he'd met. Was it really so hard to be female? He hadn't thought about it, before had never considered his sex a privelege.

Nor had he considered it a burden. He was just, well... a being. Perhaps he succumbed to machismo impressed upon him by a warrior lifestyle, but hadn't Zandora proven to him that you didn't need to be a tough guy to slay on the field?

He still had a fading scar from that fight. His sarong was still stained red.

Slowly, he faded back into the present. Cliche? No, not cliche. "Your past isn't an archetype, Rexanna. Don't allow yourself to consider your pain to be nothing more than a trope, you must value it," he added, the last clause advised in particular earnest. "You have gone through much, and while it is true you are not alone you are still unique. Your pain is yours alone, others can only help you through it. You have to conquer it, turn it into something useful." His long tail wound about, awkward and snakelike. He narrowed his eyes--in part in reaction to the sun shifting and sending bright waves of light into his cave--and tried to catch her gaze. Did she understand?

When the thief mentioned Caleb, then he snorted audibly. He could not suppress a response at the thought of that stallion. "So it's Caleb, then, is it? A curious boy. Last time I saw him, well..." he trailed off, first chuckling, then thinking. Yes, that had been a disastrous spar. He'd had to put Caleb in place more than once, to be sure.

Slowly, Ashamin walked towards the light and the open, an idea on his mind. "Go speak with Caleb, and this Temobvu, if you believe it to be right. But if you'd grant me the honor I'd like to spar with you first, Rexanna." Ashamin called behind him, letting the day greet him with its obnoxious rays. When he was out in the open, the soft green-speckled grown beneath all four hooves, he turned back to where he hoped she'd followed him.

"I think it might do you some good. Sometimes there's no better cure for sorrow than action."

""
image credits


@Rexanna


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead



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