After the chaos had died down, looking for her daughter had been the first thing Alysanne had did. The burns on her own wings could wait, it was secondary. Her daughter certainly inherited the tendency to care for others before taking care of herself but from where Alysanne stood, the little girl always came first. Taking care of others came as natural to her as breathing - it was always her first instinct. She hadn’t realized how stressful it would be for those that were keeping an eye on her when she forsook her own health for the sake of others. Now, though, she did. Did Naerys know what running off did to her? She wondered if the little filly didn’t care or just didn’t realize that Alysanne was truly trying to be better now. She was interacting more with the herd, taking a renewed interest in her daughter and her whereabouts (which, it seemed, were almost always not with her).

Alysanne returned to the Edge without her daughter, hoping that this would be common ground and perhaps the girl would come home. And if not… well, Alysanne wouldn’t rest until she had her daughter back. She’d recruit everyone that she could to scour Helovia - her first stop would be finding Mauja. The spotted stallion seemed to have won over the young filly, making it reasonable that he would have a better knowledge of her whereabouts than her own mother.

Not that she felt particularly happy about that fact, of course - it bothered her but she supposed there were worse figures for Naerys to be following around than their Queen. Alysanne just wished she knew more about him.

She paced restlessly in the Edge, patrolling the border practically all day - sending Hemlock on circles into the forest to check to see if the filly had snuck in somehow. Finally, finally a call was heard. But there wasn’t even any relief - Alysanne had no idea what state her daughter was in, just that she was alive and home. “Naerys.” No time was wasted and she hurried over, nuzzling her daughter and checking her over even as she was calling on the mists - thankful a thousand times over to the Moon Goddess on this day for giving her this magic to heal her daughter. The gentle tendrils of shadow swirled around the filly, touching her injuries and healing them.

Not until she was sure that every scrape, every bruise, was taken care of did Alysanne finally speak again, moving to stand before the girl - only concern showing in her face at the moment. “Where did you go I was so worried about you.”

Every wince and step away that Naerys took was a blow that Alysanne wasn’t sure she could survive but it was her punishment for doing the same not so long ago. Her knees almost gave way right then and there, only holding out because her daughter needed to be healed and any weakness on her part would always come second to Naerys. It should always come second. The rage that had protected her from her fear and sadness the last time they stood together on the border of the Edge was gone, leaving her to be battered by these emotions. So much of what she had said then she still stood by but it seemed distant to her, hazy, without the shelter of her anger. She wanted to explain to Naerys why they had reacted that way but she had no idea if her daughter would listen, or care.

It was Naerys who was the first to apologize, her words breaking free with the tears that stung for Alysanne to see. ‘I did this.’ Alysanne lamented and Hemlock cannot argue with her, he had no words that can smooth away those thoughts.

The explanation she was given almost caused a smile - seeing so many of those that she loved in the yearling that stood before her. Iona, Miykael, herself - she knew they all would have done the same. Alysanne was guilty of acting to protect those she loved but she had rarely considered the effect her actions would have on those she was trying to protect. “I’m sorry too.” There is no fire in her voice today, it is quiet in the stillness of the Edge. She is aware that there are others in the herdland around them but for these precious moments she exists solely in a world populated by only her daughter and herself. Even Hemlock feels distant - the bond that she was trying to repair now was so different than the one she shared with him.

“I love you so much, you know that right?” Alysanne’s eyes swam with tears that mirrored those of her daughters. Tears of hatred for herself, of pain and guilt. She cannot make herself look away - it’s her price to pay for how she acted, to see Naerys like this. “But it scares me when you go off on your own. I’ve never known fear like this before. What if you don’t come back?” And it scared her no less now that she had heard about Mauja’s daughter dying. She couldn’t imagine that pain. Her dislike of the unicorn stallion fading with this knowledge. She may be jealous of her daughter’s bond with him but if Naerys could bring him any comfort after such a loss, she would not begrudge him that. “It scares me how grown up you’re becoming. It’s my job to protect you and I… I haven’t been doing a very good job. You’re still so young, Nae.” How old had Mauja's daughter been? How strong? Alysanne didn't know, but whatever the answers it had not been enough to save her. And yes, Naerys was brave but that wouldn't save her either, not every time. Just because she always came home did not mean there wouldn't be a day when she didn't and that possibility - even though there was nothing at all she could do about it - was the root of all of Alysanne's fears.

“And now you’re hurt and it’s my fault.” Although she reached out to brush the pink marks where the wounds had once been, she wasn’t just talking about the physical wounds. The battle may have left behind these marks on her daughter’s skin but Alysanne had caused the welts and bruises on the girl’s mind and heart. She had be given the chance to be a mother again - taken the chance - and she had ruined it again. Arty had shied away from her touch too. How long would she continue pretending that she could help them? Perhaps it would have been better if she had left Arty with Iona for good, perhaps Naerys should have been given to Miykael. He would have done a better job.

Every part of her ached with the desire to embrace Naerys but she waited to judge the girl’s reaction to her touch. If she was poison, she would not force such a harmful touch upon one she loved as much as this. “I’m so sorry.” She repeated again and it will never be enough, no matter how often she says it.