Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
The world was empty.
The summer sun was dying in a vibrant splendor, deep burnished orange and blood red shimmering through every part of the world—long spears of bronze sunlight arced along the shore, reflected in every pool of water, in the still, eternal horizon. Blood washed the world, fell upon it, baptized it, and Mauja stood in the midst of it, motionless. Emotionless. The sunset was beautiful, breathtaking even in this mirror stretching from one edge of the world to another, but—but not to him.
Because the world was empty.
Because, and he hated himself for it, it felt like he had lost everything. And what hadn't he lost? Roskuld. Tembovu, unless the giant was going to hate him for running out on his duties to mourn.
What fucking else did he have?
Psyche was dead, Kou was dead, d'Artagnan had left, Aviya was dead, Snö was dead, gods knew where Tamlin and Sielu were, or where Kahlua was—
So what he had left was Glacia and Roskuld and Tembovu, then, unless he went further into his past and started looking for ghosts like Lena, re-kindled his ties with Deimos, maybe Roland was still around...
— Naerys.
He sighed, a sound so devoid of hope, and lowered his muzzle to the ground. His reflection stared back at him with a maroon sky touched with the first hints of purple behind it. Was it right of him, to have forsaken his duties at the Edge? To have left it entirely?
But to go there again—
When every shadow screamed of Snö—
Slow, silent tears pooled in his eyes. Slow, silent tears slid down his cheeks, shimmering faintly in the fading light. This was what he had feared all the time: the inevitable reveal that Mauja wasn't good enough. Wasn't strong enough. That he couldn't save anyone. That he couldn't protect anyone. That he couldn't go on anymore.
Kahlua had believed in him, and he had tried, but without her his faith had crumbled, and now it lay shattered on the floor along with his glass heart. "I'm sorry," he whispered, to Naerys in particular, even though she wasn't there. He had left the Riptide Isles and the funeral pyre of his daughter, he had left the throng of Helovians hurt and bleeding and braying for attention in a world that longed for silence—for all to turn to quiet glass humming with only the slightest, purest resonance. He had left the scene of his latest heartbreak and fled back to where the Sun had battled a crocodile, where fire had rained and a black mare had died to leave her child an orphan.
What had the Gods wanted of them? What had they hoped to achieve? Were they happy now, with what they had wrought? Were they proud?
Sobbing, Mauja fell to his white knees in the crimson light, head bowed in a defeat more complete and profound than he had ever felt before.
[ @Dacianna ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Absent Abyss atk: 5.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6 |
| Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.1hh :: 4 Y/O HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE |
| imi |
Swept out of sight, rolling up on an ocean,
Let's cut all the ropes and get lost in the moment
With a deep breath she had plunged and struggled, found her feet and lost them again, spluttered and heaved until finally the current spat her out on a sandy shoreline. She stood for a moment, disgruntled and dishevelled, not quite sure what had just happened, but quite certain she didn’t want to do it again. Her burns stung under the relentless sun so the blue mare didn’t linger long and she shifted herself into a walk, gawking at the scenery as she did so. It was a vast flat land of sand and water that glittered and reflected, so much so that Dacianna wasn’t quite sure she knew exactly where she was going. Soon she began to miss the greenery and the freshness of the archipelago she had just left for this place, though beautiful, it felt too much like a mirage trying to draw her in with its fakery.
However, it wasn’t long before she spotted a figure quite near to her and a smile spread across her features in sudden relief; finally, someone that could talk. Dacianna quite happily began to make her way towards him until something in his frame slowed her pace and caused a frown to cross over her features. Quite suddenly he fell to the floor, collapsing onto his knees, with the light of the sun dramatically bouncing off him in a heart wrenching scene and Dacianna looked around to see if anyone else was witnessing what she was witnessing. When her gaze finally dragged back to the strangers bowed frame, she suddenly felt heat rush to her face and the girl turned away from his show of grief.
Disturbed, she went to walk on by with her eyes averted; the sight of him on his knees and so vulnerable looking made her feel uncomfortable. As if she was intruding on a moment that was private and sensitive, a moment that he might not want to be intruded upon. She jogged away, and then walked and then shuffled until finally she stopped with a great sigh and the curses began to fall off her tongue in colourful frustration. How could she leave him on his knees to grieve alone? Dacianna damned her sense of duty that constantly put her into situations she wasn’t altogether comfortable with, scattering her life with moments of tension and awkwardness. She turned, her head bowed and her gaze trained to the floor as she quietly edged her way towards him until finally she stood before his crippled frame. "Uhm" she paused and shifted uncomfortably, her golden jewel clicking like a bell against her antlers "are you okay?" she asked with thick concern layering her silvery voice as finally she let her golden eyes trace his browbeaten outline. It felt like a stupid question, because he quite clearly did not look okay, but Dacianna didn’t know what else to do or say other than ask the obvious and start from there.
Slowly and quietly, she moved to position herself by his side, trying to brush a white striped foreleg against his lowered shoulder before falling completely silent. From stranger to stranger this was the best she could do as she stayed by his side, listening to his sobbing and watching the distant horizon with an unfathomable gaze until, slowly, a tear began to run down her cheek. She blinked in surprise at herself and quickly bit her lip. "This idiot, stop crying, you’re making me cry" she pleaded in her thoughts and, embarrassed, she turned her head away from him, blinking rapidly to try and stop more tears from falling.
A gentle, nervous hum began to vibrate through her lips as she bobbed along to the peaceful tune she created; it was an attempt to settle her own heart that hurt for this defeated creature that sobbed on his knees. "It'll be fine" she whispered gently, trying to hide the tears from her voice and not quite sure if the words were for him or herself, before she went back to her nervous humming.
-sibs-
|
Don't let the curtain catch you, cause you've been here before,
The chair is an island darling, you can't touch the floor
--------------------------
force permitted / please tag me
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
The world spun on, mercilessly, when all he wanted was for it to stop—to get off this ride, take a step to the side. He didn't want to be part of this anymore. He didn't want to be part of this wicked, wicked lottery of life, where cruel whim decided who lived and who died; that which would've been the glorious future, was dead and cold, while the old lived on.
Aviya and Snö had been the brightest, coldest stars in the Plague sky, raised in a cult meant for them—a cult which would leave the world a better place ( or so, he had thought) for them to live in, a cult, a crusade, they were to take over. Five or so years ago they had been born, sheltered in fog, as their fathers and mothers struggled to scour the world clean of hornless filth.
But that future had been lost, already before they died—lost, in the compassion of Mauja's fractured heart, lost, in the climate of this world which shackled the Red Doctor. And the world had been left as bad a place as it had ever been, and still they had been the future, of everything. The continuation of existence.
And now, they were dead, both of them, slain by foreign gods in lands that were not Helovia, truly.
There had been more than random whims and madness to his offering the Edge to Roskuld—how would they ever become the caretakers of this world, when the old fell to the roadside in a pool of their own stagnant blood, if they were never taught how to? If they never got to test their wings?
But, he supposed that crying over your dead daughter made you seem more mad than you were, and the need to be left alone with his grief had overruled any desire to argue about it. He had tried, goddamnit, to not just leave the Edge and let them figure out the pieces for themselves—
The stark blood red of the sky was growing duller, fading, and through the rugged sound of his own breathing he heard something else—through the scent of his own snot and tears he smelled something else.
A guest to his grief; an intruder upon his mourning; another lost soul lost in the lost world. One black-rimmed ear gave a listless flick, and then he stopped caring—if he ever had.
Where he had never wanted to weep in front of someone, he now found that it did not matter; where he had always worn ice as an armor, his bleeding heart was staining his sleeve red. He was a father mourning the loss of two daughters; a .. something mourning the loss of his brother; a friend left behind by his friend; a.. he squeezed his blue eyes shut. A man ( he supposed) left alone in the dark with a candle and no one to share its light with.
In more ways than he had understood, d'Artagnan had been his everything.
And now, he was gone.
"Uhm, are you okay?" the stranger asked with a sterling voice, accompanied by the ringing of metal against horn; a foreleg brushed against his rigid shoulder, threatening to upset his precarious balance as he knelt under the weight of his grief. No, he thought to say, but no words passed his dark lips: just another breath wreaking havoc on its way out, a gasp disturbing the rhythm of his inhalation. No, I'm not okay.
Mauja had lost before. He had lost his unit ( and Isir with them—), he had lost countless of comrades, many lifetimes, his parents, and in Helovia, had had kept on losing, to death or the winds of the world. And each loss had been a crack in the armor around his heart, until d'Artagnan had made every wall come tumbling down.
Mauja had lost before, but he had never grieved.
And now, he had a lifetime's worth of loss to mourn.
The stranger was humming, a soft and soothing sound edged with anxiety, accompanied by the on-and-off clicking of metal against something—backed up by a breathing that grew more rugged, the hint of her sides expanding brushing against the curve of his barrel. In a thick voice she said it would be fine, the most commonly told lie Mauja had ever heard; another sob tore its way out of his lungs and he struggled back to his feet, thrusting his neck in under hers, seeking what solace he could find in the shadow of a stranger.
[ @Dacianna || YOU SIB YOU. ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Absent Abyss atk: 5.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6 |
| Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.1hh :: 4 Y/O HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE |
| imi |
Swept out of sight, rolling up on an ocean,
Let's cut all the ropes and get lost in the moment
She hummed whilst she cried internally, her mind running over the same question; what was she doing here?! It felt like the only question she had asked since the Earth God had pulled them from the Rift. She had been dragged into a battle, burned, marooned in a strange place and now there was some sobbing unicorn at her feet. "What am I doing here, what am I doing here, what am…" she had her head turned away from him as if there was something so interesting on the horizon and her eyes were burning into it. There wasn’t, seemingly, but Dacianna hoped something or someone would appear with each passing second. She even tried to think of something else to occupy her mind, but all she could conjure were more questions and even more confusion. It wasn’t like she could ask the woeful puddle on the floor for fear of sounding insensitive. Why was he crying like that anyway? Had something awful happened to him during the battle? She couldn’t ask that either, she felt like she couldn’t say anything and, instead, she awkwardly stood there, feeling like a true foreigner without the heart to leave him alone. Whilst she stood there her thoughts raged on, remembering the things she was told when she got here and what had happened after. If this place was so great, if it was better than the Rift world, why did it send it's children into battle? The little white filly had so much growing and so much life in front of her. Finally, why were there such tears of anguish staining the cheeks of its citizens? Like this poor, crumpled mess on the floor.
He said nothing to her urgings, to her gentle words of comfort and Daci could feel a frustrated anger brewing in her mind. "He could at least say something" she fumed internally, "or am I going to have to stand here forever" it looked like that. The blue mare already felt like an idiot and the more he said nothing the more she believed, she was indeed, a real idiot. He gasped and Dacianna held her breath, but nothing came from the sobbing stranger and she stifled another sigh. Perhaps she was being a little selfish, but her head spun as she did not understand where this was or what to do or where to go and instead she had cried for them, these strangers, these unknowns, these Helovians. She had watched a child be carried unconscious and felt the heat of their magic that they had violently hurled at the assailing tiger. Now she felt guilty for having selfish thoughts towards this broken unicorn, but she couldn’t help it, she didn’t understand.
A stir, a movement and Dacianna edged sideways as the grieving stranger hauled himself to his feet. "Uh-OH" she exclaimed as suddenly her humming was cut off when he thrust his neck under hers and Daci stumbled slightly, he was quite a bit taller than herself. From there onwards, the roan mare stood rather awkwardly, with her neck over this stranger’s and frowning into the distance; what was this? "What am I meant to do now?!" she despaired internally as he broke her heart again and again, she felt like kicking him in the face for being such a weeping loser.
"I’m stood here, in a place that's God knows where, trying not to cry because of this catastrophe on four legs" her thoughts rattled a brief commentary of her situation, just to make sure it was actually happening, as she tried to think of some more fitting descriptive words for the stallion, who sought relief in the curve of her neck. She wanted to shout at him for appearing so pathetic in front of her, but something completely opposite came out instead as she tried to abate his sadness "I’m sorry" she said with compassion, her anger was out of worry and it was worry that spurred her to try comfort him in some way. She wasn’t sure why she said sorry to him, it just felt like the right thing to say, because the world wasn't apologising, so she apologised for it.
"I’m so sorry" she repeated the phrase quietly to him.
-SIBS- such a loser
|
Don't let the curtain catch you, cause you've been here before,
The chair is an island darling, you can't touch the floor
--------------------------
force permitted / please tag me
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
"Uh-OH," and he was nestled in the warm curve of her throat, pulse rocketing against his neck, a life-rhythm thundered out in the darkness of his world. He could feel it with each passing moment, eyes pressed shut as the warm beat pushed and pushed and pushed against him.
In a world where nothing made sense, it was a comfort to feel the pulse of another living creature.
And each time she drew breath he could feel it too, chest swelling against his shoulder, hear the sound of it slipping in through her nostrils and quivering down her throat—
Her heartbeat grounded him, and her breathing calmed him, until it didn't hitch quite so much each time the air slipped into his lungs. "I’m sorry," she was saying, apologizing for something she had had nothing to do with—for a moment his eyes slipped open, as he realized he had no idea who he was stealing comfort from, and all that he saw was an unfamiliar light gray shoulder, a touch of gold, the flow of a pale mane. His eyes closed again. Did it matter who she was? Did it matter what she looked like, or where she came from? He knew her pulse—he knew the sound of her life, the essence of her being, the warm core from which everything flowed. What else did he need to know, but the comfort of her skin? "I’m so sorry." The tide of tears had receded, and a moment after her words he sighed—a sound of defeat, of the world ending, something so deep and profound it could've made the very earth quiver in compassion.
Aviya was dead. Snö was dead. d'Artagnan had left.
( —Torasin, Psyche, Kou, Tolio—)
Everyone was dead or gone, and if they weren't yet, they would be. And one day, he would be too, leaving all those he loved and cared for behind, more than he already had.
He envied those who had the strength to keep loving. Those who had the strength to go on. To face life, despite knowing this: to learn to love anew, even when their hearts were torn apart and making a bleeding mess all over a stranger.
Mauja drew in a rugged breath, though it was calmer now. Very gently he lowered his head, disentangling himself from her neck, from the quiet backdrop of her pulse—moving away from the steadiness of that rhythm, and out into a cold world which had been shaken in its foundation. He knew well enough that being alive was a risk, but.. not even when Glacia had nearly drowned had he thought he would actually lose a child to death before dying himself.
"I'm sorry too," he said quietly, voice thick, and opened his pale eyes again. They were reddened from crying, framed by dark lashes messed up by tears—and he looked at the creature with the warm heartbeat, the unfortunate stranger who had happened to wander upon him. She had some traces of draft blood, sturdy, gray, wearing some golden jewelry. The one in her horn was the cause of the bell-like clicking. Slowly, he pulled his gaze up from her gilt hooves to her eyes. "I really am. Sorry." And then, his eyes slid away again, to a darkening horizon that had no right to be so beautiful, and it took all he had to hold back a fresh flood of tears.
[ @Dacianna ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Absent Abyss atk: 5.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6 |
| Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.1hh :: 4 Y/O HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE |
| imi |
Swept out of sight, rolling up on an ocean,
Let's cut all the ropes and get lost in the moment
She stood there with his neck under hers and looked out onto the horizon with the most confused expression. What was she doing? After being dragged through a fight and burning half her back she was now comforting a stranger in a moment that probably looked private to any passer-by. Why was she having a private moment with a stranger?! He had looked so sad with the tears staining his face and the way he was grieving on his knees had broken her heart. Yet, now she couldn’t see his face and she cursed herself silently for being so tender hearted. Who was this nameless unicorn that sobbed like some tragic Shakespearian character leaning on a stranger like he needed a saviour? She wondered if he really didn’t care who she was even though she could be anyone, but the more Dacianna thought about it the more she wanted to shake her head in annoyance. It was obvious the kind of idiot she was, the gullible one who apologised for things she knew nothing about and let weird unicorns cry on her. It was the same the other way around too; he could be anyone.
She stamped one golden and cloven hoof. It didn’t really have the affect she wanted on the soft, sandy surface but she ignored it anyway and pulled away as he untangled himself from underneath her neck. Finally, she took in a deep breath and turned to face his brilliant blue eyes that were marred by the tell tale redness that tears brought. This was it. No more pandering to his tears, no more crying for someone she didn't know, it was time to get some information. However, as the ‘sorry’ slipped from his mouth she found her resolve faltering for a moment and she looked quickly away from him, unable to look him in the face again. Why was he saying sorry as well? Was he doing it on purpose? If they kept it up, they would be apologising to each other all night and not getting to the route of the reason. She wondered if his life really was that bad that it had crumbled him down to this sorry mess. Dacianna thought back to the moment she saw him as the dramatic light had bounced off his grieving form; she swallowed and turned back to him, narrowing her gaze. "Hey" she started, a firmness entering her voice "you okay?" she asked him again, far more directly this time. She doubted he was, but he seemed past the crying stage, so maybe they were getting somewhere. At least, Daci hoped.
Weirdly, part of her wanted to laugh and tell him that crying wasn’t his best look, but she hesitated, he might not appreciate her making light of his situation. Still, did she really have to beat around the bushes just to find out some basic information? "Fuck it" she murmured at the floor before returning her gaze back to him "who are you?" she asked, thinking that he owed her that much. It was peculiar on her tongue, it felt wrong, but she asked anyway. It would also feel wrong to simply walk away and Dacianna came to the conclusion that she would feel awful no matter what she did or said; indeed, fuck it. Afterwards, she nodded to the pretty horizon he was starting into "you from here? Or were you in the Rift too?" it suddenly occurred to her that he too might not be a native here. She hadn’t seen him in the Rift before, but that wasn’t anything. Dacianna rarely saw all that many horses in the Rift despite the number that came out.
She paused then and crept forwards, trying to get a little closer to him as her golden eyes sought his red-rimmed ones. "What happened to you?" the questions spilled from her mouth like a river bursting its banks. There were so many things she wanted to know; she could have asked a dozen more. Instead she left it there, eyeing him curiously and her lips formed a grimace. "He better answer me" she thought to herself and she silently dared him not to.
"Why…" perhaps there was one more question "were we saved?" she asked, but not entirely to him. It was more of a general thought that slipped out of her mouth coloured in her great frustration that had been pent up ever since she had stepped through the portal. She was happy to have been saved, but she remembered Aquila’s question and the Earth’s reassurance, but still. Surely there was a price? Why risk his own subject’s lives to open a Rift? Perhaps she should just be grateful and forget about it, but Dacianna liked to know.
She stopped the interrogation there for now, falling silent and awkwardly shifting her golden feet, her eyes moving away from his face and onto the rest of his body as the bracelet around her leg clicked.
|
Don't let the curtain catch you, cause you've been here before,
The chair is an island darling, you can't touch the floor
--------------------------
force permitted / please tag me
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
|
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
What was he even doing here? It was the ass-end of nowhere, just a piece of glittering shore all too close to the Dragon's Throat, and—and it held no real memories for him, of anything aside from a battle and a mare dying to leave her child an orphan.
Maybe that was why he was there, hiding from all the places of Helovia haunted by memories, trying to get somewhere else and start something new, but.. she had been here too, right? It was all he could see in the setting sun, an opportunity lost, a memory not shared because there was no one there to share it with anymore—all those wrongs left unrighted, all the shit left unfixed, the words left unsaid, and the fact that she'd never managed to say that she loved him just made it hurt the worse.
It was all his fault. Everything was always his fault, so along with having them ripped out of his life he had to carry that burden of guilt.
"Hey," the stranger was saying, something firm in her voice that sounded an awful lot like 'goddammit, look at me you fucking idiot'. Hesitantly his head turned from the horizon. It was just another piece of shame that in his two seconds of solace and staring he had sort of forgotten about her—about the way the gentle brush against his shoulder had alleviated some of his pain, how the steadfast beating of her heart had offered a comfort no words could. "You okay?" He opened his mouth, but no sound came out—he swallowed what had laid on his tongue, some snarky reply she didn't deserve, but she was staring at him with narrowed eyes and a kind of directness that made him feel exposed and back-stabbed.
Why let him cry all over her—fuck, why come over in the first place?—if she just wanted to growl at him? Like, was it somehow his fault some fucked-up God had killed his daughter?
"No," he answered her coldly, retreating into the safety of the ice, falling into its open arms (it's grave—) and resting there, where his fragile heart was safe from the cautious cruelty of strangers. What did she want of him? Why was she looking at him like that, one moment shying away, the next drawn in closer, like he was something curious, some sort of moth-eating magnet, like the pain freezing over in his red-rimmed eyes could give up its secrets all of its own accord—
And then it started, an interrogation, question after question spilling from dark lips and he just stared at her, cold and uncomprehending. Who was he? Good question. Was he from here? No, not originally. Was he in the Rift? Certainly not. What happened to him? He nearly lost his owl, got yelled at, his (for all intents and purposes) god-child died, his best friend left, and then his own child died. And: "Why... were we saved?" Saved? Saved? His stillness fractured into bitter laughter and he took half a step backwards, shaking his head. Saved? Oh, yes, the horizon was beautiful and all, but what she wasn't seeing was the blood staining the sand.
"Saved," he repeated savagely, hating himself for trampling all over her dreams and hopes and desires, but how could he stop himself from doing it? "The first God to tear a path to the Rift did his best to prevent anyone coming through! Saved, yes, brought to a land fraught with greed and violence and pain!" He wasn't crying, per se, but tears were streaming from his eyes again as his raw voice poured into the world. Ashamed and disgusted with himself he turned away from her, let his hooves slide in the shallow water until his hocks touched the ground and he was sitting with his back turned to her.
"I am Mauja, of this wretched land. My daughter and my best friend's daughter died fighting to protect this world from the gods our own ones lured out of the Rift and were too cowardly to fight alone." He was silent for a moment, before turning, hesitantly, to peer at her over his shoulder.
"Do you still feel saved?"
[ @Dacianna ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
| Absent Abyss atk: 5.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6 |
| Mare :: Unicorn :: 15.1hh :: 4 Y/O HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE |
| imi |
Swept out of sight, rolling up on an ocean,
Let's cut all the ropes and get lost in the moment
The mood changed, he changed and Dacianna took an uncertain step back as a frown crossed her face. One moment he was pulling on her heartstrings with tears staining his snowy cheeks and now… Now he was answering her with a cold slap to his words, as if she’d somehow offended him in her innocent unknowing and she must now bear his icy wrath. Taken aback, Dacianna stared at him in surprise as her ears slid towards her neck, his sudden hostility was unnerving and she began to regret offering him her sympathetic shoulder, her listening ear and her gentle heartbeat. She said nothing to his harsh no, unable to conjure the words to reflect her startled feelings and instead she began to think about just leaving him alone. He was quite clearly fine now… Or maybe he wasn’t, but she certainly didn’t know him well enough to take his anger that may or may not stem from his sorrow. Even now she could feel her own ire welling in her chest as she felt like a fool for even feeling sympathy for him, however, with a calming breath, she reminded herself of his previous state.
She should not judge him; instead, she should just leave before she said something regretful.
With conflicting emotions, Dacianna began to turn her head away from his chilling look and was settled on making her departure when his bitter laughter caused her to stop and turn back. She watched him, listened to him as he brutally drove a knife into her chest with his harsh words, like he was mocking her for her stupidity. Her expression twisted into one of angered hurt and her rage boiled onto the tip of her tongue taunting her to return his savage words with her own. Even now he had the audacity to turn and walk away from her causing Dacianna to snort. She watched him slide into the water with his back turned, she was quite ready to push his arrogant face into the sea and drown him if it wasn’t for what he said next.
For a while she said nothing, she didn’t know what to say, although Dacianna now understood a little more of why he was acting the way he did. Still, she wondered, if this happened to be her father who was sat moping around because she had died, would she be happy? Her gaze dropped to the floor for a moment as she considered simply leaving again, but Dacianna knew she had already decided to linger a little longer anyway. Besides, no one got to speak to her like that and just walk away, who did he think he was?
She began to walk over to him, this Mauja, splashing her gold and granite hooves into the shallow water that he was sat in, before finally turning to face him, the mope. "Yes" she answered his question with confidence "because to think otherwise would be disrespectful to those, like your daughter and your friends daughter, who died fighting those monsters" her voice was firm but it held compassion. "Don’t belittle me because you think I know nothing when all you can do is mope and cry" she threw at him, knowing her words were harsh, but her gentle sympathy hadn’t gotten her anywhere either. "Did your daughter die so you could sit in a puddle and lament your life away-" she stopped abruptly, looking at him up and down with a note of disgust "why did you fight in the first place? Get up" she began to move towards him and tried to push her body into his with force. "Get up and live. Stop being so pitiful" she almost begged of him, unable to stand his tear stained face any longer.
"Show me you can fight, show me how to save myself from this land fraught with greed and violence and pain. Please" her voice dared him as part of her screamed what the fuck are you doing?! Yet, he looked like he needed to let something loose and Dacianna, in her complete annoyance, had somehow gone from refusing to take his anger to nominating herself to be the punch bag.
Still, it would make her feel better too by throwing a few kicks at him for his savage words.
[YOU OKAY MAU]
|
Don't let the curtain catch you, cause you've been here before,
The chair is an island darling, you can't touch the floor
--------------------------
force permitted / please tag me
Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
| Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5 |
| Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER |
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Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize
& Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage
Neo |
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Stop—
And he was screaming it as much at himself as at her— fucking stop, press pause, rewind. Do it all again. Do it better, because this hurt, a black fire billowing up the back of his throat like acrid bile. Choking. Choking on the guilt and the shame and the reckless anger, while thin, sharp needles pricked his heart— laceration, he thought dimly for a moment, the word sweet and painful as it danced through his mind.
Laceration. Like thin, red veins crisscrossing frosted glass, or ice, thin cracks bleeding—
His head hurt. It pounded with all the things left unsaid, all the wrongs left unrighted; with the memory of all the words he had said, and wished he never had. His mouth was half-open, lower jaw trembling, like he wanted to spit out sorry but it couldn't move past his teeth. Because he was sorry—sorry that his tongue had run away with him, sorry that his savage emotions had overpowered his rationality.. sorry that he was alive, sitting on his ass in the presence of someone who deserved so much more than his callous ire.
Please, he wanted to say, tear-stained blue eyes tilted up to the beautiful sky and black-rimmed ears hiding somewhere in the mess of his mane. Please, stop, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I'm wrong, please—
Because he couldn't stand to hear her angered hurt, knowing that he had caused it, and that he deserved it. It was as if everything he had ever tried to be, open-minded and just and honest and compassionate, had just walked out the door when the grief came in like a dark and cold storm. Loneliness drove it all apart, until he actually yelled "I'M SORRY!" in the middle of her speech. His voice was thick, his eyes wild, but he quieted—what else could he do? It had been so fucking dumb and he had known it and he hadn't been able to stop the words tumbling out, like, like if he could not be happy no one else could. Just because Helovia had fucked him over so many times, why did it have to be like that for everyone else? Why did he have to try and tear down her chances of a happy life here, just because he always seemed unable to find it?
He had seen the Rift Gods. He had smelled them and heard them and felt them in the pits of his gut—felt their wrong, their sick greed, their ill nature, and heard the disease in their inhuman voices. What was to say she hadn't suffered more in the Rift, than he had in Helovia? What was to say that his life, hell as it was for him, wasn't her paradise?
I'm sorry—
And she was in his face and he toppled to the side, the flat of his left shoulder striking the wet sand. Lament your life away— So what the fuck was he supposed to do? Freeze himself over? Then he would feel nothing—be nothing. And when he felt, he was—weak. A disaster. A disgrace. Something one could not look at without pity, as he wasted his life—
What do you want from me? For him to pop to his feet and fucking smile as brightly as the sun? To go about as if nothing had happened? To somehow stitch up the voids gaping in his heart, and go about his business like he had any fucking clue who he was, and was supposed to be, and do?
"Show me you can fight, show me how to save myself from this land fraught with greed and violence and pain. Please." He was lying on his side, hair spread like a halo around his neck, pushed over like a sack of grain and bones—a large, pale creature toppled to the ground, pride broken. And she asked him to fight? "Are you serious," he said before he knew it—which, honestly, would make him worthy of a hoof in the brain—but somewhere beneath the disbelief lurked a note of amusement, so tiny, so fragile, but like some part of his disjointed humor had flickered back into life.
It was just bizarre. Mauja crying. Mauja clinging to a stranger. Mauja then shouting at the stranger, and the stranger pushing him over until he lay in the sand, and then, she asked him to fight.
Laughter bubbled up in his throat, unbidden, unstoppable, shearing through the air with just the faintest hints of hysteria— gods, it was so fucking messed up.
It almost made sense, in some backwards way.
But who the hell walked around comforting strangers and then begging them for fights? He glanced up at the gray mare. Maybe they did things differently in the Rift. Maybe she was expecting some kind of ceremony, some kind of ritual, something he had no idea about and would mess up, and she would be disappointed and angry and he would've ruined something beautiful and sacred—
He drew in a quivering breath, and quick as he could—not as quick as he usually could've, given that this was fucking sand he was lying in—he rolled more onto his belly, forehooves digging into the wet ground as he hauled himself up. But once standing, he didn't stop there; his white back rose into the air, and his hind legs shot out towards her once, while he watched her with his head slightly turned. It was a relatively low kick, towards the region of her chest, because .. ouch, if he'd hit her on the nose?
Laceration, his mind whispered again, unbidden.
[ @Dacianna || Continues here. ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here
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