the Rift


[JUDGED] Second Introductions [Tembovu v Elsa]

Tembovu the Elephant Posts: 805
World's Edge Captain atk: 7 | def: 9.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 18hh :: 10 HP: 77 | Buff: SWIFT
Mbwene :: African Elephant :: Ashen smitty
#1
The sun was a welcome warmth, soaking into the Elephant’s hide. Though the brisk breeze of the new season, of Orangemoon, whisked away the edges of heat, leaving the tips of his ears and rims of his nostrils chilly. He eyes, dark and probing, roamed over the sheer drop of that loomed some ways before him, almost lost in the late afternoon sun’s glare. The days were already growing shorter, he realized with a slight sadness. He’d miss the warmth of Tallsun, yes. But, more importantly, so much had occurred during the hot season…

He shifted, turning his great head to look over his shoulder at the misty forests behind him. He knew only two cures for the melancholy that was settling over him: one was no longer an option after the Tigress battle… The other was fighting. Though his last battle with a lead had left him sorely battered, he figured it was best to feel out the sparring style of his new Queen.

Queen Elsa. The Icebound. How strange that the Moon Goddess should pair a heat-loving King with an icy Queen. Though, perhaps it was more curious that he, a sun-drenched plains-born stallion, should be beside such a wintry woman. He snorted, realizing that that was truly the remarkable aspect of the situation.

Regardless, he reared, landing harshly against the ground as his low voice rolled along earth and into sky, “My Queen, I think it’s time we met properly.” He could not help the amusement that somehow managed to carry in his trumpeting roar. He had yet to spar with a pegasus, and he felt the thrill of adrenaline begin to pump through his barrel at the thought of such a challenge.

A: 0/3
D: 0/1
WC: 289
Setting: Set in the first days of Orangemoon, it is still warm with a crisp wind from the sea. Late afternoon in a clearing of trees a little ways from the cliffs.
Timeline: Extended
Notes: Hmm, I kind of want this to be vanilla. But if you want to use magic and companions, I’m down for that, too.
He paid for his sins. He was saved.
But some sins haunt us no matter how much we pay.
Image

@Elsa

Please tag Tembovu.

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#2
Elsa,
Feel lucky for what you have, when you have it. Happily ever after doesn’t mean happy forever.

The autumn air was moving in and holy hell it was amazing. No more suffocating heat, and sweaty disgusting nights. Now it was just pretty leaves, cool breezes and the promise of snowfall on the horizon. Given both her children pretty much hate her, she doesn’t really have any friendships, and generally is bored, things were going pretty damn well. That wasn’t sarcasm either, really, a cool breeze was the best damn thing she had experienced in a while.

Part of her actually wanted it to remain this way. No disturbances, no noise, no emotions… nothing. She still wasn’t quite fond of the idea of stepping up as a queen, it hardly went well in her past so what was going to change now? It was this very attitude that kept her from preforming her so called “duties” the last few days. It was a big change, and she needed to ease into it before getting herself back into knee-deep politics.

But as fate would have it, someone was looking for her. It wasn’t often that happened, usually they stumbled upon her by accident or she was the one doing the looking. Apparently Tembovu wanted to meet properly, and all she could do was snort. His ass would be flat as a pancake if he wanted Elsa in all of her full disastrous glory. But that didn’t mean she could just ignore him, unfortunately. So she meandered her way over, in no particular hurry to beat the crap out of him. Look at it this way, she was doing him a favor by taking her time.

With a couple more moments of walking, she got to the clearing where the giant stripe boy was waiting. She rolled her eyes, just shaking her head at him. ”You really don’t want that to happen,” she mused aloud. Edgar squawked in agreement flapping his wings, he was ready for another spar. It had been so long, and he felt like rusty gears were starting to turn again. ”That being said, I guess I’ll take it easy on you for now. No fancy tricks. Just me, kicking your ass.” Elsa smirked, and Edgar was angry. He reached his wing down, giving Elsa a smack on the head. ’You ass’ he hissed before pushing off of her head and taking off to land in a nearby branch.

In the most sarcastic of manners Elsa spread her wings and offered a small bow. Part of her stomach twisted at the thought of fighting again. It felt as if the walls of the Falls were crashing back in on her, and all she could see was the sea of faces trying to run her out. Tembovu wasn’t going to run her out… was he? Warily she gazed at him before returning to all four hooves. ’Either way. Beat ass. He baby’ Edgar reassured from the sidelines. She sent him a little message of thanks before looking at Tembovu, sizing him up. He was a giant compared to her, so she’d have to move fast and quick. If he was anything like Oxy- ’STOP’. Edgar quickly interrupted that. She cringed, shaking at that thought. She thought she had gotten rid of him, but there he was, still lurking in her subconscious. Anyway, she’d have to stay out of the way of his hooves. He’d be able to hit a lot harder than she could, but she was positive her agility and speed could overpower him. ”Let us begin, darling.”

Elsa sprang forward, pushing off of her hindquarters. She could feel the muscles in her rump spring to life, eager to be put into use. She aimed to move down Tembovu’s right side. Her goal was to clamp onto the flesh of his back leg, and pull. If she could incapacitate his ability to rise this early in the game, she’d have a nice upper hand. At the same time, she felt her back right hoof wind up, storing energy, before releasing backwards into a kick. Hey, maybe she could land two for two, and then kick out his front right knee. Yet, all this physical action was unsettling.

She felt naked not using her magic. It was as if she had been hiding behind that veil, and without it, she was completely exposed. Was she really that reliant on her magical skills? Inwardly she cringed, if this incapacitated her, then Tembovu would actually have a chance! That could not happen; she had to beat him and prove she could do it. Who wants a queen who can barely step up to her king? Was this why the Falls had been beaten so badly- because she can’t stand alone? No wonder her children hated her.
 

"talk"

[786 Words || 1/3 Attacks || 0/1 Defense]
[Vanilla is fine! :)]
image credits
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Tembovu the Elephant Posts: 805
World's Edge Captain atk: 7 | def: 9.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 18hh :: 10 HP: 77 | Buff: SWIFT
Mbwene :: African Elephant :: Ashen smitty
#3
He waited… and waited.. and waited. Ears flicked forwards, sideways, backwards— surely the fair, icy Queen had not grown deaf in the short time since he had seen her? The tartness of his thoughts ebbed as a smidgen of concern niggled in his barrel, the memory of Elsa’s pointed stare at the rocks beneath the cliffs echoing though his great skull.

But he need not have worried, for her sassy words squashed such dark thoughts as she lazily meandered into the clearing he had chosen. Cream, black-rimmed ears perked towards her and Edgar while dark blue eyes crinkled in an answering smile to her smirk. A low chuckle hummed in his thick throat as the Zephyr cheekily bopped the the wintry woman’s head before retiring to the sidelines to watch the ex-general and ex-soldier spar.

“How benevolent of you, my fair Queen,” his amusement spilled into the rumble of his voice. He mimicked her small bow, his own much deeper with a dip of his vast head and a bend of his thick knee. But then her eyes, which had been filled with the bravado of her words, turned wary as she sized him up. There was much sizing to be done, for certain, given his great size and mass. Though the pegasus was not diminutive by any stretch of the imagination. She was graced with a height taller than expected for a winged equine, and with impressive blue-tinted wings to match.

He regained her eyes- one blue, one milky- from Edgar, and found that most of her unease had melted from her face. As a small cringe crossed her features, he began to wonder just what was mulling behind that gaze. What ghosts was she fighting alongside the Elephant? But he was not allowed much time for these thoughts because the Icebound became a blur of words, ice, and snow.

Caught unprepared at such a swift attack in the midst of his pondering, her well-aimed teeth found the sensitive flesh at the back of gaskin. He felt the rip of the thinner skin and flesh there, a warm burst of wetness betraying the partial tearing of muscles caught in her gnashing teeth. His right hind leg jerked forward in response, just as his right knee buckled with her kick solidly connecting with it. He felt the bruise spread around his lower check ligament— surely the cream hide there would be brightly colored by tomorrow.

A low grunt escaped him as his great weight fell towards the pegasus at his side. He his right foreleg forward, ignoring the smarting pain that accompanied his regain of balance. Wanting to kick out her own forelimbs, yet limited by the wound dripping on his hind right, his massive teeth unleashed to aim a punishing bite on her right wing joint. Clipping this soldier’s wings would even the playing field— especially given the now-limited kicking power of his hind right leg. As his neck curved to the right, his heavy hind end awkwardly hopped away from her mouth in a forehand quarter pivot.

Briefly, relief flashed through him that Edgar was sidelined, and that there was no magic in this fight. He had thought himself better prepared, after sparring with Mauja and defeating Nyx (that memory was too distracting so he hurriedly cast it aside). But, if the beginning of this fight was any indication, he was wrong.

Again, the unease and surprising dislike of fighting resurfaced in him, as it had in his spar with the old, spotted king. He had always gone to fighting as a way to clear his mind— was that no longer the case for him? Well, surely it would become the case if he kept allowing his mind to wander instead of focusing on his opponent. Distracted soldiers were dead soldiers. How often had he drilled that into recruits? Now look at him, fighting like a wet colt against a Queen. Where was the Elephant?

A: 1/3
D: 0/1
WC: 663
Damage Tracker: Bruised back of right knee; Partially torn muscles back of right stifle;
Summary: Elsa's attacks hit, bruising knee and rippling muscles behind stifle. He away from her on forehand and aims bite at her right wing joint.
@Elsa
He paid for his sins. He was saved.
But some sins haunt us no matter how much we pay.
Image

Please tag Tembovu.

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#4
Elsa,
Feel lucky for what you have, when you have it. Happily ever after doesn’t mean happy forever.

She was unprepared for the ferocity of her own attack. Ever since the invasion she had labeled herself weak. If she couldn’t take on an army, how was she supposed to even win a single spar? Not to mention that even before the invasion she had barely won. It didn’t matter if it was against Midas or Oxy, both had absolutely obliterated her on the battle field. Even Rostislav had beaten her once. So when she lunged forward, she expected to create her own injury. Causing so much damage to Tembovu was the furthest thing from her mind; and she was emotionally unprepared.

Elsa was shocked as she found her teeth locked heavily onto his gaskin. She could feel a slight tear occur in the flesh, and immediately she let go. She was horrified at her own attack, and immediately wanted to back away. But too much damage had already been done. Before she could stop herself, her kick landed squarely on his knee. His great weight was suddenly pressed against her, and her knees locked in an attempt to keep him from pushing her over. Thankfully, it seemed he wasn’t too fond of falling either, because he was quickly back to his feet.

Her mouth opened to call out a ceasefire, but before the breath could escape her lungs, his teeth latched down onto her wing joint. A pulsating heartbeat began to thump against the contact point. It was an all too familiar sign that she would wake up the next morning with a nice purple lump. The pain was more annoying than it was painful, but the discomfort of having the attack on a joint that moved quite often was enough to drive her insane. So she wasted no time in returning his attack with an additive of her own sick ideas. If he wanted to bite her, he’d have to choke on her.

Elsa was aware of the power wings held. They were often underestimated, but like legs, they were exercised daily. The muscles there were far from weak, and so she was confident her wing could withstand some more pain. Thrusting her right wing toward his mouth, Elsa walked forward as she pushed forward with her wing, attempting to suffocate him and force his head down so that she could make him move backwards. If she could accomplish this, and take control of how he moved, she would have room for some more painful assaults. Elsa tried to stay stuck to his right side, following his rump as he tried to pivot away. At the same time, the Icebound plunged her head down, aiming to bite at the joint she had previously kicked. All she had to do was take out one leg, and he would be down for the count.

Edgar hissed quietly from his perch, bouncing back and forth nervously as the two were locked in battle. This would be about the time that he swooped down and tried to freeze his balls off, but here he was stuck in a tree. Silently he egged Elsa on, careful to keep her mental state stable. He could already feel she was leaning toward the violent side of her brain, and so he tried to conjure up some emotions to bring her back to equilibrium. Succumbing to either of the sides would prove devastating for both Elsa and Tembovu. One would walk away hating the world, frightened, and wanting to lock herself away. The other… well there was a high chance that she would not leave him unscathed. The angrier she grew, the more mistakes she made, but the more violent her attacks.

Elsa on the other hand, had thrown a wall up between herself and Edgar as she felt him trying to keep her balanced. Not only was it distracting, but she refused to admit that he was right. She had no control over herself when she reached the extremes of either side. So even though she could feel her brain rapidly unraveling at the seams, she would not admit that soon she would lose complete control. If she wasn’t careful, an entirely new Elsa would take over. She would attack without remorse, and remain as hollow as a dead tree. Even if the Elephant begged for a reprieve, she would be too far gone to stop. That is what frightened Edgar the most.

"talk"
[729 Words || 2/3 attacks || 0/1 Defense]
image credits
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Tembovu the Elephant Posts: 805
World's Edge Captain atk: 7 | def: 9.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 18hh :: 10 HP: 77 | Buff: SWIFT
Mbwene :: African Elephant :: Ashen smitty
#5
He felt the vessels of her wing pulse between his teeth and her bone as his mouth closed firmly, unforgivingly, bruising at the joint. His lips disappeared into silken feathers while the left side of his face rubbed against her snowy coat. Instinctually, the promise of tightening his teeth to draw blood filed him with elation— but it was premature, because suddenly there were more feathers in his mouth. Too many. Too much. The sharp tang of his own blood filled his mouth as her vicious shove of the wing pinched his sensitive oral mucosa and tongue against the sharp edges of his molars. A grunt and sputter escaped him as he was suddenly spitting her joint out from his lips. Oh, his mouth would be sore, tomorrow; grazing would be a chore.

Awkwardly, with lurching movements due to the limited extending ability of his hind right, he shuffled backwards from his pivot at she tried to stick alongside and follow him. A roaring snort unconsciously left his black nostrils as he aimed to face towards her. Dark blue eyes raked her athletic wings and muscular body (appreciation sparked subconsciously within him), quickly seeking a point of weakness. But he found none. His scrutiny did, however, allow him to catch the preliminary quivering of her lithe neck, foretelling the open-mouth attack that followed with lighting speed as her gleaming, bloodied teeth aimed to re-injury his leg.

The smallest shadow of a grin twitched at the corners of his mouth when he felt his body react instinctively, whispers of his training remembered by taunt muscles. Clumsily balancing the majority of his weight on his hind left leg, his heavy forehand raised in a low rear and great ivory hooves sought to strike her aggressively stunning face. But cream ears pin flush with his neck as a sharp twinge from his right knee reminds him of the bruising kick she had landed earlier.

Though, as his his great height rose even higher, the small amount of triumph— of comfort—that returned with his body’s training fled as his own eyes caught sight of the expression in Elsa’s. Gone was the lighthearted sass. Gone was her smart smirk. Instead, dark sapphires of destructive rage glinted at him. The corner of his vision caught jittering movements of Edgar, and unease billowed through him as thick lips pressed in on his sore mouth.

His hooves plunged down towards her face and a fleeting thought of calling off this spar flitted through the back of his mind. He did not know his fellow lead that well— perhaps talking would be best before they set tooth against hoof, horn against wing? The thought was short lived, however. Surely a mare chosen by the Lady of Night ought to be able to spar against her King. And, surely, she should be able to check any murderous rages that filled her?

Doubt followed as his thoughts processed, in mere fractions of seconds, through his large skull. There had been a time when he, in all his undirected anger, and been unable to control his rage. But he had known the potentially devastating damage of his fury, and had avoided contact with others. Many trees had splintered beneath his hooves, many boulders pounded to dust. Until he had directed his wrath towards something— then he had been able to control it. Or, perhaps funnel it more than ‘control’ it.

Yet here was his icy Queen, having admitted to losing so much, and still sparring with him. He had assumed another leader would similarly control their urges. He should know better than to assume anything of anyone. Would he ever learn?

The rage in Elsa’s eyes hardened, and his doubt grew.
A: 2/3
D: 0/1
WC: 622
Damage Tracker: Bruised back of right knee; Partially torn muscles back of right stifle; bruised/pinched inside mouth
Summary: To clarify: his last attack was biting at the wing joint where it attaches to Elsa's shoulder. I should have made that clearer :| For this attack, he rears his front hooves towards her lowered, biting face. @Elsa
He paid for his sins. He was saved.
But some sins haunt us no matter how much we pay.
Image

Please tag Tembovu.

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#6
Elsa,
Feel lucky for what you have, when you have it. Happily ever after doesn’t mean happy forever.

She felt unstoppable.

As her wing plowed into his mouth, she could feel it adding more and more pressure. It seemed that her plan was working, all she had to do was push one final time, unleash a bite, and he would be on the ground. As her teeth went to clamp on his knee, there was no flesh to be found. For a moment, she was stunned. How had she let him get away from her so quickly? Turning her head slightly, she looked up with her right eye, only to see Tembovu above her. It was a gift that she had kept him on her right side for so long, and so he hadn’t faded out of her vision. Yet, at the same time, she really didn’t want to see what was coming for her next. Her so called “unstop-ability” was about to be demolished.

His shadow covered her and she suddenly felt like a child looking at a giant. The more she reveled in awe of his strength and height, the more and more she began to realize the imminent danger she was in. His weight shifted down, but she was not quick enough to move backward more than a step. As his hooves collided with her face, she blinked a few times, head ringing with pain. Her body stumbled a few more steps backwards, trying to put as much distance between herself and Tembovu as possible. It was now that she saw the thin line of blood trailing down the edge of her right eye. It seemed that Tembovu had left a nice laceration on her face. Fuck that hurt. Focusing on Tembovu was significantly harder now, he was just a blurry spot of tan on a background of dying grass and trees.

Edgar cried out angrily from his perch. He tried lurching forward, wanting to claw at Tembovu’s eyes, but he knew his bonded would not be appreciative of it. He could feel her ego already falling, and if he had to come in to save her… well she might be too embarrassed to ever fight again. She had started so confidently, and now, she was being reduced to a pulp- much like when she fought in the invasion. Edgar just wanted this to be over so he could make sure she was okay. Not only did he have mental wounds he would have to attend to, but now physical ones. He could see the lines of scarlet red beginning to slowly form on her face. It would leave a nasty scar and disgusting lines of rust. Luckily, he just missed her eye. If he had taken out the other one, Elsa would never be the same, and Edgar didn’t think he would be able to keep up with her emotional wounds. It would be a catastrophe all over again.

Trying to keep herself upright, Elsa lunged back toward Tembovu, hoping he was still facing her. When she thought she was a couple of feet in front of him, she shifted her weight onto her hind legs to rise up, trying to gain as much height on Tembovu as possible. She extended her wings for extra balance, but as she did so the bruise ached in protest as she extended her right wing. But that did not matter, for the pain in her face hurt much more than the petty ache. With a cry of both pain and anguish she lashed out at his horn, attempting to shove her hooves toward the base to try and crack it off. He was strong. Too much like the Falls, and too much like Oxy. It drove her crazy. She couldn’t even bring herself to look at the horn because she was afraid it was Oxy.

Maybe this was her punishment for abandoning them all. For losing the twins, for brashly scolding Oxy… she deserved all this pain. This was him. He was messing with her head with his weird magic, and making himself look like a new being- like Tembovu. All Oxy was doing was repaying the favor, and showing her again how weak she was. Elsa tried to move mountains for Oxy, and he knew how to toy with her emotions. He knew how to make her feel loved, make her feel strong. And now he was just telling the truth, she can never be loved and never be strong. She is incapable of either, and needed to give up the charade. Elsa knew he wouldn’t kill her. Killing would only show compassion, the true punishment was living long enough to watch herself wither away. The only thing that would remain of her would be a whisper. She would not die a queen, she would die a prisoner in her own head.

"talk"

[796 Words || 3/3 Attacks || 0/1 Defense]
[She gone craaaazay]  
image credits
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Tembovu the Elephant Posts: 805
World's Edge Captain atk: 7 | def: 9.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 18hh :: 10 HP: 77 | Buff: SWIFT
Mbwene :: African Elephant :: Ashen smitty
#7
He gritted his teeth (unfortunately for his hurt mouth) against the feel of Elsa’s face giving way beneath his hooves— he hadn’t fully thought through this attack. He didn’t want to gravely injury his Queen in this spar… He only wanted the two leads to form a mutual respect for each other— both on the battle field and off.

Caving in Elsa’s skull was a far cry from earning respect.

So he winced, eyes widening as gravity pulled his great height and his hooves, solidly connecting with their intended target. Ivory hooves became stained, as did her snowy cheek, red blooming on white. The zephyr squawked irately from his perch— but it was unnecessary, the Elephant knew his mistake. Cream, black-rimmed ears tilted backwards as he awkwardly landed, trying to shift most of the impact to his un-injured, left foreleg. Though the landing still jarred his right knee and it instinctively bent, resting his toe against the ground.

Dark blue eyes searched for her own, “Elsa, I—” the words die on his lips as he finds unfocused, crazed eyes in a face that is lunging towards him. Again, he tried to scramble backwards, away from her maniacal approach, but the torn muscles behind his right stifle finally gave way, unable to support his weight or movement. So he could only halfway back out of the punishing path of Elsa’s hooves. One missed his face entirely while the other skidded down the front of his massive, black horn, making an unearthly noise and leaving a bruise on his nasal bone.

He hesitated as she landed from her attack, uncertain if he should mount a response. But he felt (no, he knew) that his pity, his sympathy, would be unwelcome and even shameful to the wrathfully proud pegasus. So he squared his colossal shoulders, dark gaze sweeping her body once again as he tallied her wounds. The right side of her face, her right wing, and now…

Now tucked his neck to his chest, ducking his right shoulder and throwing it towards the mare’s chest. Given his great size, compared to hers, it would be enough of a blow that she would not consider it a restrained attack. But he did not use his hooves or horn— which were his massive weapons. And, given his injuries, the attack could not use all of his strength, so at least he would not crush her if she did not dodge his attack.

A grunt sounded from his barrel as he pushed off his left side, unfortunately baring his injured right side once again to the Icebound. Though he’d rather do that than grievously injure the Queen… Yet, he could not help but wonder if the snowy mare would reciprocate in kind were the roles reversed. Given the innate anger she seemed to harbor, he was generally certain she would not.

He sighed as he readied himself for impact, partially hoping that she would entirely dodge his attack. Yet another, more sinister part (that he so often tried to ignore) hoped that he would hit her the full brunt of his bulk. Perhaps that would knock the sadness out of her. Or perhaps it would push the wild look over hers over the edge. He tightly shut his eyes as he fought against these thoughts, once again gritting his strong jaws. Though the pain of his bruised mouth quickly made him regret such an action.

They would most assuredly need to chat after this spar. Apologies, and explanations, were needed.

A: 3/3
WC: 587
Damage Tracker: Bruised back of right knee; Partially torn muscles back of right stifle; bruised/pinched inside mouth; bruised nasal bone.
Summary: He throws his right shoulder against her chest. Great fight, Klare! :D @Elsa
He paid for his sins. He was saved.
But some sins haunt us no matter how much we pay.
Image

Please tag Tembovu.

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#8
Elsa,
Feel lucky for what you have, when you have it. Happily ever after doesn’t mean happy forever.

In the midst of her rear, she had managed to knock a hoof down the front side of Tembovu’s horn. It made the most grotesque of noises. The sound grated against the inside of her head, and she groaned. Like her emotions, like her life, the brief moment of pride was burst by the pain of her wounds. Closing her eyes, she attempted to feign off another bought of dizziness as she fell to the ground. Her hooves landed with a solid thud, sending a grunt forth from her chest. Elsa winced, feeling the wound on her head burning. It was like all of the demons were clawing at her head, desperately wanting pry themselves from her skull. She cried out in pain, lurching forward and away from Tembovu. She didn’t know what his intentions were, but either way she was not going to stand still and let her ego be bruised anymore. She didn’t even know that Tembovu had planned on continuing the spar.

As she ran past his body she came to a sliding halt a few meters behind him. She turned to face him, trying not to cry. ”Get out of my head!” She cried, lifting her wings to cover her face. It didn’t matter that she was bleeding, it didn’t matter that her wing hurt- it was the fact that she had no control over herself. Her body was always in fight or flight mode, and in either one, she was miserable. Edgar, not being able to bear the separation practically fell from his perch, swooping down to land on her head. Carefully he separated her wings, reaching his own down to apply a small jab of freezing cold magic to numb the pain above her eye. Elsa was shaking in fear of herself, and Edgar tried to do his best to calm her. Yet, like most of his attempts, it was futile and instead his bonded was left standing there shaking like a tree. Edgar glanced between the two new monarchs, obviously concerned for Elsa’s wellbeing.

This was so much more than sadness and anger. It was like her history was stuck on repeat. It just kept running through her head over and over again. She didn’t want this to happen, but she had no control. The Present Elsa was fighting to be seen and to breathe, while the Past one was trying to suffocate Present and bury it beneath its wrath. After a few more moments of shaking and ragged breathing, she let her wings fall to her sides, both glancing the ground with a dull thud. All she wanted to do was have a normal spar. To feel pain and to feel invigorated by it; she didn’t want to continue being afraid of trying. ”I’m so sorry,” she finally managed to murmur. With her head hung low she was utterly defeated. It didn’t matter what the outcome was of this little spar because she already lost to herself. Suffering a loss to Tembovu couldn’t be much worse. But who was she sorry for? Herself or Tembovu?

"talk"
[513 Words || 3/3 Attacks || 1/1 Defense]
[Woop! Thanks so much Smitty! <3]
image credits
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9
By my verdict: ELSA is the winner!

ELSA
Realism [+3]
This was a VERY good spar. You did a good job in the comparison of breed differences and how it would affect Elsa. I thought all of your attacks, defenses, and damage taken were realistic and plausible. Not only that, but there was reason behind the attacks and emotion to back them up (mentioned in the emotion section) which really helped me as a reader.

In the first post, however I got a little confused with her attacks. Writing that her goal was to bite him is much different than writing her actually attempting to. The only attack I thought she actually attempted was her kick. Make sure to be very clear in your language so the judge has no confusion.

In your closing defense you have an instance of powerplay: “As she ran past his body she came to a sliding halt a few meters behind him”. You cannot write that Tembovu stays still and she runs past him, only that she attempts to.


Emotion [+2.5]
I was very impressed with Elsa’s emotional state in this spar. I think this area is where a lot of writers struggle with spars. You, however, knocked it out of the park with emotion. I understood all of the shifts in Elsa’s emotions and mental state because you were able to give me historical and credible backup for it. I especially loved Elsa’s wrestling with her own self-worth throughout the spar.

Some parts I really enjoyed:

“Who wants a queen who can barely step up to her king? Was this why the Falls had been beaten so badly- because she can’t stand alone? No wonder her children hated her.”

“If he wanted to bite her, he’d have to choke on her.”

“Elsa knew he wouldn’t kill her. Killing would only show compassion, the true punishment was living long enough to watch herself wither away. The only thing that would remain of her would be a whisper. She would not die a queen, she would die a prisoner in her own head.”


Prose [+2.5]
You have a good style that is easy to understand, while also being creative and well-written. There were a few times throughout your posts where you changed tenses and only two grammar/spelling errors I found.
P1: “giant stripe boy was waiting” -- striped
P3: “did he have mental wounds” – she? I think you're meaning to reference Elsa here, since Edgar did not receive any physical wounds/didn't fight.


Readability [+2]
Your posts were well-written and easy to read. It is obvious you proofread these before posting them and you take great care in making sure your posts are to par.

Finally tally: 48 + (10*2)= 68 HP

*******************************************

TEMBOVU
Realism [+2.5]
You are good writer and it translates well into your spars. You have a good grasp for what is realistic and what is not regarding attacks and sustained damage. I thought you did a good job at taking the damage for the critical hit, although a torn muscle might be pushing it.

In post three I got a little confused. You change the injury location on his hind leg in this post. Earlier you mention that the injury is to his gaskin muscle, but in this post you write that it is behind his stifle. Be sure to stay consistent when writing injuries because, while those parts/muscles are on the same leg the gaskin is not behind the stifle but below it.

You have a few instances of powerplay that need to be addressed. They are minor infractions, but still worth mentioning. It is easy to get a little lazy with your wording when attacking and thinking about the other character, but I stress that you cannot be too careful when writing intentional language.

P1: “A low grunt escaped him as his great weight fell towards the pegasus at his side.” – This is a minor infraction, but you cannot write with any certainty Elsa’s position. In the time after her attack she very well could have moved.

P3: “He hesitated as she landed from her attack” – In Elsa’s post, it is not written that she has landed. You should assume she is still rearing.

:: “it would be enough of a blow that she would not consider it a restrained attack.” You cannot interpret how your opponent will interpret an attack physically OR mentally.


Emotion [+2]
I really enjoyed reading Tembovu in this spar and I really felt I connected with him by the way you wrote him. I yearned for some more of Tembovu’s history to come into play because you kept whispering teases of it. I appreciated Tembovu’s wrestling of emotion toward Elsa as well as his reactions to her companion.

There were a few lines that I really enjoyed, and they were:

“Distracted soldiers were dead soldiers. How often had he drilled that into recruits? Now look at him, fighting like a wet colt against a Queen. Where was the Elephant?”

“The rage in Elsa’s eyes hardened, and his doubt grew."

“But he felt (no, he knew) that his pity, his sympathy, would be unwelcome and even shameful to the wrathfully proud pegasus”


Prose [+3]
You’re a good writer and your writing is very grasping and interesting to read. I thoroughly enjoyed each of your posts. Throughout the fight you had a few tense changes and I noticed some grammar/spelling errors.

P1: “He his right foreleg forward” – Missing word here.

P2: “teeth aimed to re-injury his leg” – injure

:: “whispers of his training remembered by taunt muscles” – taut

P3: “would push the wild look over hers over the edge.” – of hers


Readability [+2]
Your posts were well-written and easy to read. Even with the few grammar mistakes sprinkled through there was no distractions to the readability of your posts.


Finally tally: 38.5+(9.5*2)= 57.5 HP


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