merry christmas from my problem child --

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I strayed, through relentless bitterness and harsh terrain, I pushed and walked where I'd never walked before. I cried, my tears fell like raindrops upon the earth, enough to fill an ocean and more with the way I had belted my emotions. If a passing stranger and witness it, they probably would have hurried along and assumed I was some insane child their parent booted to the curb because of my emotional instability. And perhaps there was some truth in that, mama had been subtly pushing me farther and farther the older I got. She assumed now that I knew where to find food, that I just know where it was when I needed it, like I had some sixth (or fifth sense, because my sight...). I have no guide in this earth, Yseult cannot voice to me anything, I just pray I interpret her chirps and trills and coos in the right ways, I have no one to teach me what is safe to do and proper etiquette. Mama has given up hope on making me understand the world, she does not provide me with the knowledge that I so hungrily seek. 

So I walked away, I took my leave (only for a short while), and marched off. Maybe I wanted to find Aurelia, maybe Alala, perhaps I had no purpose at all but to escape the confines of my mother's misery. Whatever the case, I could only hope that I find something to ease my curiosity and need to learn, which began as a minor itch but has become an intense irritation in the back of my mind as my questions grow rapidly. I had to learn more about the earth I walked on, the dirt my hooves kissed with each step and the wind that furled my feathered tail and swept through my short tresses. 

I want to find answers, stories, I wanted to hear what these lands had to give and what its residents had done to earn trust and plentiful food from the beings that ruled over this world. Yseult has flown ahead, relying on my to follow her occasional call so that I may head in the right direction. I am not elegant or graceful with my steps, I still cannot carry myself with confidence or understanding of my own being, my legs are too long and my steps too uneven. My hooves catch on stone and roots, almost attracted to whatever will trip me up and make me stumble uneasily. I take another step, gasping because there's something odd about the ground beneath me, it has changed into something I have never encountered. It was powdery, a little cold, and it crunched beneath my hooves. Not like a rock or a bone, but something soft yet still solid. I put my other hoof into the material, furrowing my brows as I walk along, feeling my weight crush the stuff beneath me. Suddenly I take off, with the sound of jingling bells but a background melody to my playful bounding, leaps and kicks and for the first time, giggles. 

I stop when I crash into a tree, yelping at the stuff that falls from it and onto my back. I bolt, Yseult diving down when she takes notice of my panic and slowly growing anxieties. My eyes are wide with shock, the cold running up my spine and the sound of harmonious bells finally reaching my ears, catching my attention and curiosity. I let Yseult direct me to it, feeling her tug against my hair like reins until we pull up to a chattering mass, I can feel the heat of the bodies all clumped together. There's so many, I can feel the terrifying number and their eyes, searching the crowd and skimming over my useless body like I was shit on the ground. I hear the shrill voices of children and the greetings of adults, but I stay planted firmly where I am. I do not want to risk getting trampled. 
“talk talk talk.”