the Rift


[PRIVATE] How to love

Zandora Posts: 85
Outcast atk: 7.0 | def: 10 | dam: 3.0
Mare :: Unicorn :: 15 HH :: 7 years HP: 60.0 | Buff: NOVICE
Evara :: Black Leopard :: None ShadowMare
#1
Zandora



Her skin shook underneath the frosty air that rolled off the peaks of the Basin. Her body particularly chilled by the winds today. It seemed that no matter what she did to keep her body warm, the arabian was simply not made for such weather. She wasn't made for anything really. She felt empty, useless, void of some many things. But she kept going, not only for herself but for Evara too. Pausing in her walk, she looked back at the young cub sleeping on her back, head turning as she nuzzled the leopard. She enjoyed the company she gave Zandora, the companion representing so much to her. Where Zandora was weak, Evara was strong. When Zandora felt like the world was too much to bare, a mouth full of baby teeth grinned at her. The leopard was everything to Zandora, because quite frankly, she had nothing else to give anything too. 

A fire flickered before her eyes, she could sense the nervousness that arose in Evara, but Zandora reassured her with a smile that the flames were nothing to be fearful of, that nothing was allowed to be feared. She had lived by that motto once before, but it had crumbled one night in the woods, when her very first tear fell. It seemed Zandora feared so many things now, she feared the loss of him those she loved, feared her father, feared her past, feared herself. Her thoughts were interrupted though as a yowl was released from Evara, already, the companion recognized how distressed her bonded was. Shaking her head, she spoke to the companion, thank you. Evara could do no miracles, but she was Zandora's, and as the fire danced within purple and jade eyes, she was reminded how to be thankful. How to love.


OCC: Sad Z

@Ashamin



Image Credits!
[Image: 56a075b49df35]
No restrictions on things that can happen to Zandora, please tag in first posts only.

Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#2
Ashamin

Rakt was slower by choice. Lochan had always moved fast, bounded forward and ahead to see as much as possible as he could. But Rakt stayed behind, trailing stardust and breathing heavily. His gate was slow and determined, his body weighted down by pounds of fur that Lochan did not have. It was Orangemoon, Frostfall was drawing close, and the whole trio was growing out a thicker coat but Rakt had simply been born with one.

It was beautiful. Ashamin had woken at the sunset and seen his two companions huddled close, the gentle details of Lochan's delicate features lost in the folds and fuzz of the reddened fur of his new brother. Rakt, already almost Lochan's dwarfed size, was completely serene. He was noble, majestic even. Ashamin had guarded them the whole day, watched them with care. When the sun set, the two young cerndyr had lifted their tails and risen on thin legs to walk.

Thus, the three of them had set out into the rising evening and started on a path to wander. After Rakt's birth the three had taken time alone and within the confines of the cave to learn of each other: now, they needed to learn of the outside world as a family.

With every step, Ashamin thought of that word. Family. It had meant something small to him once, but now with Lochan and Rakt, with Rexanna's no their child on the way, family was larger. He picked across the snow and left deer prints behind, prints accompanied by those of his companions. How many more would follow? Was it good to have so many shadows, left to melt in the harsh light of day?

No, perhaps he should hide them in the dark. And Ashamin may have--may have kept his feelings within--were it not for the flickering of light in the distance. Lochan pulled them towards it with urgency; Rakt followed with a lazy, slow pace, as if he already understood fire's original spark.

As they grew closer and the light became a flame, the flame a fire, a familiar shape stood out as a silhouette before it's bright. She cast shadows on the snow that bled into the night. These were fitting, fleeting marks for Zandora to make.

Just seeing those traces of her hurt. Ashamin's breath caught, and were it not for the persistence of his companions (who walked past and towards the flame, revealing Ashamin's position behind her) he would have turned his long tail and run. She was the last thing he could see right now, the last thing he could handle. He had hurt so many, been hurt, and soon he would be the father of a child. His jittery, scared heartbeat leapt in his throat and out it, finding its way towards the chest of the mare he'd once broken to the point of bleeding. How would her heart beat now? Had the ribs healed, the hurt gone away? How could he face her now?

How?

""

""

/ image


@Zandora (don't tag me, just tell me on Skype.)


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead


Zandora Posts: 85
Outcast atk: 7.0 | def: 10 | dam: 3.0
Mare :: Unicorn :: 15 HH :: 7 years HP: 60.0 | Buff: NOVICE
Evara :: Black Leopard :: None ShadowMare
#3
Zandora



The presence of others was not easily hidden behind the flickering of their shadows and the crunch of tiny feet. Her ears tipped back, too wary, too tired, to deal the the musings of children. It was only when she realized that she would have to get used to such wonderings for she had one of her own growing inside a slightly swelling barrel, did she turn to face him. Zandora had recognized Lochan, but it seemed that just as she had gotten a companion to love, Ashamin had too gained another. She turned slowly, eyes not yet meeting his face as so many unspoken words filled his gaze, so many truths she didn't want to know laying behind those innocent eyes.

"Ashamin." She whispered, finally looking at him. Evara shifted on her back, jade eyes alert and glaring, not liking how he made her bonded feel. Zandora tried to reassure the cub that he was nothing to worry about, that Ashamin was a harmless man, but as she really, looked at him, she didn't even believe herself. Something seemed different about the man she had met in the woods so many seasons ago. He had grown stronger, filled into his skin. His eyes looked wiser, harsher, powerful. She could not hide the shock that filled her face, but as she wiped it away, an overwhelming feeling replaced the shock. It was an aching pain, a pain that consumed her, and dared her to step forward hesitantly. Her body rocked towards him as she reached out for Ashamin, hoping, wanting, praying, that he did not deny her touch, her embrace,


her love.

Perhaps it was the hormones that filled her, but somewhere she knew that such petty things were no excuse for her actions. She took another few steps, craning her neck so that stained red and black might touch in an embrace that she waited much too long for. Zandora cast aside all her worries, all her fears, all her problems, no longer wanting to mull over the blood that she had spilt, his blood that she had spilt, on the snow of the Aurora Basin.

"Why did you never seek me?"

"I missed you."







OCC:
@Ashamin



Image Credits!
[Image: 56a075b49df35]
No restrictions on things that can happen to Zandora, please tag in first posts only.

Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#4
Ashamin

Her question stung. It put the blame of their not speaking on him in a way Ashamin couldn't handle, and the small creature on her back--presumably an earned companion--cast a glare that felt similarly accusatory. Without thinking the haruspex found himself drawing back his head, his features turning down with displeasure and his body language immediately defensive.

"Life is long and these lands are large, Zandora. It's not as though I've been avoiding you," he lied with instant regret, "and it's not like you sought me out, either."

His white tail waved slowly, forcibly, as he tried to cease its lashing. He returned her gesture but stiffly, tired and uncertain even as his cheek touched hers. His ears drew black slowly, flickering with surprised impatience. Was this really how she was to greet him, after so long? Maybe he'd changed--as the light flickered across Zandora's coat, he saw that she certainly was in the process of just that herself. Maybe it was something about this Orangemoon in particular that was striking all the mares with a childbearing fever.

The five eyes borne by his companions looked out at him with differing expressions. Lochan's bore hurt, as he knew Zandora and her past with his bonded. Rakt showed only a vague and disinterested sort of all-knowingness. Whatever was happening now was something he could observe without fear or wonder, because in his mind he already understood its cause. Ashamin didn't have time to correct the young red cerndyr, didn't have time to teach him the complications of a love like this.

No one did.

"But I see you're still living well. A companion is an important addition to anyone's life, it's good to see you matched so well with one." He looked sternly upon the judgemental little cat. Was that a dig? Was he proud of her, or was he simply unsurprised that she'd been matched with a predator? The buck wasn't sure where the hostility came from, and even as he spoke with such politeness it was difficult for someone outside of his mind to catch wind of, but it was hard for him to shake. He thought he had heard her say that she missed him, was it true? He knew he'd missed her too, he knew he needed to say it back because it was simply the truth, but he couldn't.

No one could.

""

""

/ image


@Zandora


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead


Zandora Posts: 85
Outcast atk: 7.0 | def: 10 | dam: 3.0
Mare :: Unicorn :: 15 HH :: 7 years HP: 60.0 | Buff: NOVICE
Evara :: Black Leopard :: None ShadowMare
#5
Zandora




He is distant. He is different. She tries to hide the confusion, the pain that etched at her heart as he spit words and gestures like she had never meant anything to him. It was in this moment that Zandora realized that she had become greedy, that she remembered that she was no lovable creature, and that maybe he had never actually cared for the vixen in black. After all, he seemed so much above her now, as if her own gesture(that was so rare, so much for her to even offer) no longer mattered to him. She wanted to sulk, to evade the patched man of scar and muscle. But her heart grew cold, and would not allow her such easy way outs. Neither would her heart realize that Ashamin had not turned away at the wreck she was, and that she had never given him the chance to lean on her, for the vixen wanted the world to revolve around her, and she so often forgot that it was everything but. 

Her ears flickered back, eyes that had once opened up to him, barren, void, emotionless. Her name felt cold on his tongue, unwanted, unneeded."Ashamin you can't-" She started, wanting to be mad, wanting to make him feel what his words did to her, but she could not. Her head sagged as she sighed, eyes growing tired as the weight upon her shoulders leaked through. "Have I become a burden to you? For I will go." She speaks, eyes looking through him, to the snowing fields, to the bland life beyond the hurt, the sadness that always accompanied their confrontations. Then to the eyes of his companions, one seemed distracted while the other, lochan, showed a pain that should not rest within the young's eyes. A pain that he knew only because of her. Evara grew sad too, already the cub was getting a first hand experience at all that life could offer. She could hear the companion mutter something, but with confusion, Zandora assumed that it was some sort of reassurance. Her companion was showing intelligence quickly in her growing age, and if not for Ashamin, she would at least try for the sake of the green eyed. 


Zandora feels weakened by Ashamin's presence, he hasn't gotten to see how strong she really is, how capable she really is. All he has seen is her pains, and she worries now, that this is why he is so far from her now, so changed. Ashamin had become stronger, and Zandora had lain in the dusts of his trails, the grains choking and thick in her chest as she knew that she had become frail by the crippling power of life. Her stomach tightens as the growing thing inside her tosses and turns at its mothers stresses, her eyes clenching tight as the pain flowed through her barrel. "I'm sorry" She mutters then, genuine, real, eyes slowly opening and peering into the blues of Ashamin. She did not know how he would react not anymore, would he take pity on her once again? Or would he turn away from her again? Her love?

















OCC: that took a different turn....
@Ashamin



Image Credits!
[Image: 56a075b49df35]
No restrictions on things that can happen to Zandora, please tag in first posts only.

Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#6
Ashamin

Zandora, Zandora...

Ashamin had all the compassion in the world for her. He could have told her the honest truth, which was that he loved her in a way he did not love others. She was the precious darkling whom he had broken, the beast that had struck him back. She had a shadow in her that mirrored his own. They were so alike, so... broken.

But when she did not fight back, when she turned so quickly to sorrow and left him alone as a villain, Ashamin found himself only more frustrated with the situation. His black eyes were cold and showed none of the pity, the empathy, the love that he felt for the mare dressed in black and plum. "Did I tell you I wanted you to go? Why are you sorry?" His tail lashed, his companions turned away from him and the mare. This was not their business.

"I'm doing the best that I can, Z. But this... this is hard."

This? What was this?

"I'm tired of telling everyone I'm ok. I'm tired of pretending I'm happy all the time." Because he wasn't ok. Because he wasn't always happy. He did not take on his typical depressed turn, he did not let sadness overcome him. He looked irritated and he acted short tempered because he was both of those things. He was sick and he was tired of all the crap everyone made him put up with. And it wasn't that he considered that to be any fault of Zandora, but... maybe in some way it was.

His voice was cold, commanding. His eyes were sharp and he stood stiff, unwilling to move close and offer her the warm kindness she deserved. "I need you to stop putting yourself down and presenting yourself to me as an object of shame, because I don't have the energy to keep this herd's head up anymore," Ashamin said with a growl of a sigh, a turn away from her gaze.

"You are good. You are strong. You can be that without me, you must know that."

Don't you?

""

""

/ image


@Zandora


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead


Zandora Posts: 85
Outcast atk: 7.0 | def: 10 | dam: 3.0
Mare :: Unicorn :: 15 HH :: 7 years HP: 60.0 | Buff: NOVICE
Evara :: Black Leopard :: None ShadowMare
#7
Zandora




He had hit her, hit her hard. His body spoke of ice, of steaming coldness that whipped and sung in the air while his tail slashed and hissed. She didn't want to be reminded that he was different, she wanted to see that he was the same, that the boy she had met in the woods had not grown into the man that carried too much weight upon his shoulders. He was so shy, so pure, but now, the way the vemon(did he mean to hurt her?) dripped off his lips, she couldn't help but to retaliate.

Zandora stepped away from Ashamin, letting the shadows swallow up her whole until only a bit of her upper body and face shown. Her face was set in straight, haunting lines, the dip of her heritage contrasting with the chords of muscle in her neck and chest. Her heart grew frozen, not merely cold or icy, but frozen, full of anger, full of hurt and disappointment.

"Do not tell me that. We are all trying. I am doing it and so are you." She hissed, her pains, her aches all mixing into a lethalness in her words, she knew that she would regret this. Poor poor Ashamin, he had done nothing to deserve her fury, but she wasn't thinking now, only acting out of the impact that his words had brought her. "I was sorry for--everything. I felt as if I had messed up." She started, pupiless eyes boring deep into his own, she could feel her bonded reaching out, trying to calm the blaze within Zandora.

Come out come out wherever you are! It's been waiting for you Zandora!

And it did.

"If you haven't noticed Ashamin, you've had to hold up the heads that you caused to fall down." She stroke, lightning and electricty feeding through her veins. "So before you try to evoke my pity just has she had done herself, only wanting his love. perhaps you should take a step back and look at the destruction you caused." Hadn't it been Ashamin that had broken her, hadn't it been him that saw the wicked shadow mare melt and break? Where was he now? Was he just a puppeteer that only knew how to dismantle, but not repair again?

She wished she had someone to tell her that it wasn't his job, that it wasn't him who broke her and that it was all her.

But she didn't.

His last words calmed her blaze, her eyes missing the fiery light, missing the light of life, missing everything. She didn't want to break, not yet, he couldn't always see her vulnerabilities. So out of one final heat, she spoke, her voice vicious, "I never said I needed you. You've only caused me pain, why would I want that?" She finished, this facade of anger hiding the words that she wanted to say, wished she had instead of this, because now, now Zandora was the puppeteer. God knew she didn't know how to remake herself, surely not Ashamin.

Peer upon your destruction Zandora, remember the old days? Remember when this was all you did? Doesn't it feel good darling?

Out of her love, her deep, complicated love for the simple paint boy and his coal eyes, she ripped and tore a path of destruction. For she was too afraid to face herself, to face the fact that she loved him so. When all she wanted to do was share this with him, but instead out of their twisted, thorned fates, it turned into this. Love only destroys.

"I'm leaving now, here, you, the basin, Helovia"


She turned then, her head low and ashamed. She wished that she had never known him, for then it wouldn't be so hard to say goodbye. This, this goodbye, hurt the most even when she didn't say it. She supposed it was going to hurt saying goodbye when she didn't want to let go of him, but she knew that it would be worse if she was to ask him to stay--when he wanted to go.

She would never know his reply, but allowed the unspoken words to say it all.

I love you and goodbye.












OCC: I just don't even know, like this post is a mess. I'm so sorry dude. At least Z was capable of finding out she loved someone


[color=#000000][size=x-small]

Image Credits!
[Image: 56a075b49df35]
No restrictions on things that can happen to Zandora, please tag in first posts only.


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