I had thought since the first time I'd gone to the grove that it was probably one of the prettiest places in Helovia (aside from the secret place in the meadow). It was calm and peaceful and the trees and bushes provided a sense of privacy that I often felt that the Throat was lacking, which was understandable considering its a desert and there was no place to hide. I guess it was that sense of privacy that drove me there because, as foolish as it was, I was still looking for Dragomir. There was a small part of me that refused to believe that he had left again without telling me. It was that same small part that clung to hope that I would find him hanging out somewhere alone, but I could never be that lucky. I would never be that lucky.

Still...

"Dragomir!" I called and I winced at just how loud my voice sounded as it echoed through the grove. I listened to the sound of my voice as my echo died and the silence that followed it was almost uncomfortable. I had no doubt that I had disturbed the whole grove, but I couldn't make myself care completely because I was looking for my friend (who didn't want to be found).

I slipped under the hanging branches of a willow tree and found a small clearing that was totally empty. I sighed and I couldn't help but feel defeated because everywhere I looked turned up nothing. It was baffling how someone could just disappear without a trace. "Dragomir..." I called his name again, though my voice was considerably softer this time because I ... I guess I figured it he was there that he would have answered me already.

"."

Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me

Ivezho

"Dragomir," the call came, loud and true, in a voice he knew, he recognised. It thrilled him to hear it, truly, for it had been so long, too long since he had spoken to her, played with her, raced and danced and frolicked with her. He remembered her smile, her laugh, her beautiful obsidian pelt, rimmed with gold and ivory, her simple existence. The memories of their meeting brought him joy during the time when Ivezho pulled away from society, from his family - in his memories he was the perfect friend, there to lend support when she needed it, there to laugh and cry with her. In his memories, or rather, his dreams, he had not been filled with the shame and guilt that had driven him to leave the lands they both called home. In his dreams, he was present, not absent, as his reality wrote him to be.

But it was not his name she called, not his memory she chased, but another's - there is always another, better, greater than me, always someone else -

"Sorry to disappoint," he spoke now, his tones the same, though perhaps with less of a playful jeer. They were friendly, they were open - they were also older, deeper, hardened from his self-inflicted solitude. Ivezho moved from somewhere behind the trees, his form easily trackable as his bodice glowed like an ember clinging to its last warm light. Only, his light never went out - he was a beacon, a glowstick. It was as if he held the Sun within his breast in place of a heart - it was a giant pain in the arse.

He rounded the corner with a small, shy, lop-sided smile on his lips, his gaze seeking out her crimson one, his crown held low as if expecting a blow upside the head from her gold-tipped wings. Had he done anything wrong? Not exactly, but he hadn't done much right either. He wondered if she ever thought of him - had she noticed his absence?

He could only assume No, because it wasn't as if she were coming here calling his name out now.

"Ready to explore?" he asked, hope causing his voice to hitch slightly. Ready to forgive me for being a boneheaded glowstick who doesn't know what's good for himself anymore?


@Ranjiri

"Sorry to disappoint."

It was not Dragomir's voice that called out to me and I was disappointed because he was the one that I was searching for. It seemed more and more like I found everyone else that had disappeared and had been gone. Maybe I needed to stop looking for Dragomir and start searching for someone else. Maybe then I would finally find him. Still, the voice that called out to me was one I recognized and the body that followed made me stop cold because I recognized him right away. How could I not? Once upon a time he had made me feel whole when I felt like my entire world was falling apart around me. He made me forget about all the bad things that had happened, that things could be good again if I could just laugh and stay positive. He made me feel like I could call him a friend, but then he disappeared too... just like his brother.

Friends don't just disappear without a goodbye.


"Ivezho?" His voice came out as a question, my tone incredulous as I spoke it. I just couldn't believe it. Everyone was coming back one after the other. I should have been excited and, really, there was a part of me that was happy that Ivezho was back, just like I was happy that Rhoa had come back. But there was a darker part of me that wanted to be angry with them for disappearing in the first place. There was a part that wondered how long they would stay before they disappeared once more.

He asked if I was ready to explore and I just shook my head. "...no." I murmured. "You can't leave then come back and ask me that and act like you didn't just disappear without a trace." I wanted to say, but I couldn't force the words out. Was it wrong of me to be upset? I was growing more and more weary of losing those that I wanted to call friends then finding them again. "Where did you go?" "Why are you back?"



"."

Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me

Ivezho

Her response to his question caused his brow to fall, his expression to lose all hope that might have held him together. No, she said, so quickly, so easily, and he wanted to cry, to shout, and then to leave, just as suddenly as he had appeared. He shuffled his wings, his downcast expression betraying the hurt that her rejection caused him. He could not see that he had hurt her in his short absence, could not, would not see that she felt just as rejected as he did.

At least he had offered his company with her when he next saw her, even if she was looking for someone else.

At least he wouldn't have rejected her if she had asked him to go on an adventure with her, no matter what had happened between them, no matter the time, the distance that had separated them.

Where did you go? she demanded, she investigated, she insisted of him. With his ears flipped backwards (but not pinned in anger, more simply swivelled in hurt), Ivezho looked to her crimson pools, and threw back harshly, simply; "here. I went here, I went there, I went everywhere, but back to the Throat."

He wanted to be angry, to rage and roar and throw his weight around. His body shook from the emotions as they ran around within him, a torrent contained by grullo skin and shivering sinew. But it was not rage nor anger that won out; it was sadness, fear, dejection and hopelessness.

His crown fell, and tears burned behind his eyes, though he blinked them back and refused to let them fall. "I don't belong there," he mumbled, looking for her dark form, as if wondering whether it is still there. "I.. don't belong anywhere."

@Ranjiri

I could see immediately the affect my saying 'no' to an adventure with him had, it was hard not to. The way his ears fell, the look on his face, it all screamed at me that I'd hurt his feelings and I did feel bad for that, but .... why would I just run off with him? Why, when I'd only met him once before, when I'd wanted to make a friend of him, when he'd just disappeared without a trace just like his brother had? Why was it that everyone who disappeared and came back just wanted everything to be like it was before? Time didn't stand still in their absence, it moved forward, we changed, adapted to things that happened to us in our lives while they were out living their own. They couldn't, he couldn't, just come back and pick up where we left off as if nothing happened. It didn't work that way.

When Ivezho answered my question in that harsh way he did I had to bite down on my tongue to keep my mother from spilling out of my mouth. I snorted and my ears tilted back against my head and as I watched him, wondering what he was going to spit at me next. I wondered why he wouldn't he would say he went everywhere but back to the Throat. Wasn't that where he lived? Wasn't that where his family was? There were so many questions I had but I wondered if I'd be able to ask them all or if he'd walk away because I denied him the adventure we'd talked about so many seasons ago.

"I waited for you, y'know." I murmured. "I didn't know where you went, but I figured you'd be back in the Throat when you were ready for an adventure... but you're here ... you just didn't come back home. Why...?" But I was cut off by him saying he didn't belong in the Throat or anywhere. "That's bull and you know it." I snorted. "Look at you." I said and I stepped forward, my head tilting as I looked over him, still marveling at how he glowed. "You glow like you were made from the Sun himself. You belong in the Throat." I stopped only a few steps away and my expression softened from what it had been when he'd answered my question of where he'd been. "You belong there more than I do..."


"."

Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me

Ivezho

I waited for you, she said, her words both filling his heart and crushing it simultaneously. She waited, he thought with bitterness, but what was she waiting for? Me, or.. he didn't want to finish his thought, because it wasn't fair, it wasn't right, and he knew it, he just didn't want to admit it. He was lying to himself, as much as he was lying to everyone else, but he clung to that lie because if he faced the truth - he would have to admit just how horrible a stallion he truly was.

What he did believe was the truth was that he wasn't worthy: or her attention, of being able to call the Throat his home, of anything. And yet it was everything he wanted, to be accepted, to become worthy.. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn't work past the block within his own mind that was preventing him from moving forward - it as making him behave like a right ass instead, where he couldn't say what he wanted to and where he heard the truth from Ranjiri's lips and only wanted to throw them back at her, with ears pinned and his own lips curved back in distaste.

Look at you, she insisted, and she described that which Ivezho hated about himself. The glow, like it should be the reason for him to never leave the Throat. The mark of the Sun Lord's powers within him, like it should be an anchor forever holding him within the Throat's sandy ocean. Ivezho did pin his ears at the thought, anger flaring across his face; he wanted to say so much, to shout and throw her words back at her - but then, he saw her face fall, her expression morph from stern to soft, from angry to upset, and he forgot everything he was going to shout at her, everything he was going to refute.

He stepped forward, wanting to near her, wanting to sling his crown over her nape and hold her, if she would allow it.

"I'm an idiot," he murmured, admitting another truth. "You have done more for the Throat than I ever will be able to. You fit there, you've made them your family. I.. I'm an idiot and even I can see that you definitely belong there." He didn't know how else to explain it - how did you make one see something that could only be seen from another's eyes?

The irony of the situation was not lost on him, and he smiled sheepishly at the thought.

"I've not felt like I belong anywhere all this time.. I don't know why I left.. I just had to. I had to see what was out there, I had to know if.. If I even could survive out there, on my own." He let silence swallow his words then, as his thoughts trickled through his crown. It was the most he had said on the matter, ever, and talking about it out loud made it all the more real - it solidified the foolishness he knew he had enacted, it made his calling himself an idiot repeatedly all the more true.

"I should've known better. But like I said. I'm an idiot."

I could tell by the look on his face, the change in his posture, the way his ears tilted back against hes head that he didn't like what I was saying. I couldn't take it back, though. I'd already spoken the words and, to me, they were truth. I couldn't help but wonder how someone, who was born and raised in the Throat, someone who was blessed with magic from the Sun God, someone's who's parents had both ruled the Throat at some point could feel like he didn't belong. How could I make him see what I saw?

I stayed still as he came closed the distance I'd left between us and shortly after I could feel the weight of his head against my nape. My ear twitched as he called himself an idiot, but I didn't disagree with him because maybe he was if he couldn't see what I saw. Maybe he was an idiot if he thought himself to be one. I let him keep talking and I smiled a little when he said that I had made the Throat my family. "Yeah..." I finally agreed. "But how many of them are your blood?" He had something that I would never have in the Throat. I may have been able to call them family because I lived with them, but I held no true relation to anyone there. "And you're a prince." I continued on. "They're your people."

"I've not felt like I belong anywhere all this time.. I don't know why I left.. I just had to. I had to see what was out there, I had to know if.. If I even could survive out there, on my own."

"That's... that's brave." I admitted because I didn't think that I would be brave enough to go off on my own to find out if I could survive on my own. Life was too easy in a herd where I had others to protect me when I needed it most. "To go off on your own to see if you could do it... and look at you... you look like you did well for yourself." I definitely didn't remember him being as tall or as well muscled as he was the last time I had seen him.

"No you're not." I finally said when he called himself an idiot again. Self degradation wasn't anything useful. "Tell me about what you saw?" I asked quietly. "What's out there?"

"."

Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me

Ivezho

Blood - it always came down to blood. The blood and genes he shared with others, with leaders of the Throat (both former and current), with a stallion who had been raised to near-god like status on one side, and a mare as clever as she was beautiful on the other, he truly did have privileged blood - and yet, why should it define him? They are your people, she threw at him, and he wanted to scowl again, to throw the words back at her. Blood means nothing, nothing, why am I the only one who sees that?

"Ranjiri, no-one knows me down there. Blood means nothing - I'd give it to you if it meant helping you feel like you belonged." He spoke without thinking, which was a rare display of the frustration and distaste he held for the idea. Even the offer he made could have been translated into a deeper desire the stallion held - Ranjiri was the first mare he had ever met that he hadn't been related to, the first mare he had met that had stirred things within him. Ivezho had met other mares since then (idly his thoughts brought the pale, crème image of Eldala into his mind), and they had awoken the beast within him, the lusty, powerful beast who held a lot of desire in his body with no outlet allowed of it all (yet). But he hadn't been thinking of that when he said the words, he was thinking of it now.

It was fortunate that the gold and charcoal pointed out how well he had grown, how well he was looking - though it did send another wave of guilt through his form - he was indeed feeling alive. Perhaps he would have felt this way if he had stayed within the Throat anyway, or perhaps he truly did need his sabbatical to reach the potential that he was currently at (his full potential? Even Ivezho was not foolish enough to think that).

She denied his third proclamation of idiocy, and he smiled at that, for it meant that maybe she was beginning to forgive him - maybe she would be willing to take him back, to be his friend again - maybe she would try to get him to join the Throat again (and maybe he would let her). "Everything is out there," he began, his tones returning to their smooth, cadence-filled beat. "Beauty, wonder, answers you didn't know you had questions for - there is so much out there and I…" he drifted off, pulling back from his embrace with the mare to look her in the eyes. "I only ever wanted to be able to call some place my home. But the only place I'm able to do that in is the Dragon's Throat… and I don't know if they'd ever take me back."

@Ranjiri

I couldn't help but grin a little when Ivezho told me that no one in the Throat knew him because how could they know him when he didn't give them the chance to? How could they know him when he was gone for so long. "Do you know them?" I asked, instead. "Do you know me?" It worked both ways, really. I didn't think that it was fair for him to complain about not being known if he didn't make the effort himself, but I assumed he wouldn't be happy with me throwing those questions at him, so I pressed on. "Give them the opportunity to know you." I said. "They can't do that if you're gone..." And I couldn't get to know him any better when he disappeared without a trace. "... or if you won't come back home." Where you belong.

I definitely didn't agree with him when he said that blood meant nothing. Perhaps it wasn't the most important thing in the world, maybe it wasn't blood that made up a family, but it still held its importance because everyone that shared your blood was a part of you that you would never be able to forget. My brother and my father were both dead, but their blood still coursed through my veins. They were still a part of me, they were still there even if it wasn't a physical presence. Eventually, I hoped, Ivezho would come to that understanding.

My ears tilted forward as he began to answer my questions about what he had seen, though it was in no great detail. Still, I could imagine an abundance places like the spot in the meadow that Dragomir had showed me. Maybe there were places even more beautiful than that and it made me sigh softly. "Maybe one day I'll be able to see it for myself." I said wistfully. Maybe one day when I'm not a coward.

 "I only ever wanted to be able to call some place my home. But the only place I'm able to do that in is the Dragon's Throat… and I don't know if they'd ever take me back."

"Of course they would." I objected because why wouldn't they welcome Ivezho back? I couldn't see Gaucho turning his own son away and if he did then he certainly wasn't the stallion or the Sultan that I thought him to be. "Come back home and see for yourself." I said and I reached to bump my muzzle against Ivezho's if he would allow it. "Please?"


"."

Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me

Ivezho

He knew she spoke the truth, he knew it and he hated her for it. But even as she spoke she proved his point - what did blood matter, if no-one knew you? Didn't it prove his point further, that whatever blood flowed through his veins meant nothing - a stallion born of rape and force was just as likely to succeed in a world like Helovia, if he held the right cunning and wits. "That's exactly my point though." he said, though the fight had left his voice. "Blood means nothing, because if it did, then I've proven myself unworthy of it through my inaction, my absence and…" and everything else I've fucked up.

She mentioned coming to see the world for herself, and he felt awful all over again that he had left without her, that he had gone off to live and experience the world and left her behind, despite promising to take her on an adventure one day. He cursed himself, because at the time, it had been easier to assume that she was no longer interested, that she had other friends to be with, other interests to keep her from missing him. And well, she was here looking for a different friend, wasn't she? And that thought hurt him all over again, the thought that his friendship to her was not exclusive - but then, he knew, that was a foolish thought, for he had other friends (acquaintances, at least) as well, and he should never prevent another from ever wanting to form other friendships and relationships as their heart may desire.

It was so easy for her to invite him back, so simple for her to say the words, Ivezho wanted to believe her, to trust her, to hold her hand and fly over the sea that separated his homeland from the mainland, side by side, with no fear of the repercussions for his absence clouding his mind, filling him with doubt and trepidation. "I want to," he said honestly, simply, welcoming her comforting touch, but finding no comfort in it. "I'm.. afraid," he admitted, quietly, lowering his gaze to avoid meeting her own crimson pools. It wasn't easy for him; he felt exposed, challenged, and his immediate reaction was the cringe and turn away. But he held his ground, if only because she was his anchor to this idea - if not for her, he doubted he would have ever seriously considered returning home again, despite his brother, his father, and countless other siblings existing there.

@Ranjiri

He avoided my question of if he truly knew me or anyone else in the Throat by focusing again on blood, saying that it meant nothing. "No." I objected. "It defines who we are. Your blood makes you the son of Gaucho the Wildfire and Sohalia the Transcended. Mine makes me the daughter of Midas the Gallant and Ktulu the Constrictor." Shouldn't those names alone make us want to strive to excellence? Shouldn't it make us proud to some from such strong lines? Shouldn't it mean something to us? "To say that blood means nothing is like saying that our families, where we come from means nothing. I'm can't believe that. I won't." But he was saying that his inactivity and absence made him unworthy of his blood. "If that were true then don't you think everyone, at some point, would be unworthy? You're not alone, Ivezho. And I don't think you're unworthy of anything."

I hoped that he would take to heart what I said and stop feeling so down about himself. He wasn't the first to run off on his own and he certainly wouldn't be the last. At least he had come back after being gone. There were many that disappeared and stayed gone and ended up being little more than a memory.

When he admitted that he wanted to go back to the Throat there was a spark of hope in my heart. When he admitted that he was scared I moved to brush my muzzle against his cheek.
"There's nothing to be afraid of." I murmured. "They're your family and they love you. They'll take you back just like they took Zenobia back. And if they don't.... then I'll leave with you." I offered, because I didn't want my friend to be alone in the off chance (which I highly doubted) that his family would reject him.


"."

Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me

Ivezho

She spoke the names of his parents, and he felt the blows like daggers through his heart.

It wasn't that he hated his parents - quite the opposite. They were beloved of the land, crucial to its welling and success, and, as proven by his mother's disappearance, affected the lives of many when they weren't present.

How was he, Ivezho, meant to live up to that? Blood means nothing when it comes to who I am - why can't she see that? It was too much pressure, too much expectation - it was easier for him to deny the importance of blood than to recognise it and fail to meet its standard.

"Maybe at some point in their lives, everyone is unworthy, Ranjiri. Everyone makes mistakes. Has regrets." His words were quiet, ominous, perhaps even a bit defeated. He didn't agree with her, that blood defined who a being was - he didn't want that princely title that came when others heard of names like Wildfire and Transcended, he didn't want to live up to anyone's expectations, especially when he couldn't even live up to his own.

Her touch sent a shiver through him, her words of comfort barely heard. They love you, she said, they'll take you back, she reassured - but how could she know, how could she be so certain? At the mention of his only older sibling he brightened a bit, ears pricking. Zenobia?

Her final offer of abandoning the lands for him caused him to laugh a bit - not in rejection of the offer, but rather in astounded surprise. "I wouldn't let you throw your life away for the likes of me," he said, lipping at her nearby whiskers playfully, before moving to nudge the tips of her ears with his maw affectionately. "I suppose there's only one way to find out for sure what they'll do.." and here he pulled away from her, a springy trot stretching his legs out as he rounded the edge of the pond, before pausing abruptly and looking to her with a playful, quizzical expression upon his façade.

"Are you coming?"