Twice now I’d strayed from the Dragon’s Throat to find consolation in the rolling landscape of the Endless Blue. I’d met a boy the first time round, a kindred spirit, who shared more than just a home with me, for our histories were oddly similar. He’d spoken of his mother and of loss and love, or the lack thereof… and somehow he’d threaded a string of doubt through my heart as I wandered again to the sands. Like him, I worried that I would never want to feel again after too many defeats, or really that I simply couldn’t.

The autumn sun rose without the warmth it had shed only days prior and the chill rolled across my skin in waves. Winter was coming. Even the pastel light of a winter noon seemed to drift across the sky, ribboning the heavens in soft shades of blue. Lazy clouds meandered in and out of the firmament and from time to time their shadows fell across my back causing me to shiver against the salty ocean breeze. I truly hadn’t wandered far from the ocean since my last visit and instead of turning back toward the south, I’d simply circled around and around… aimless.

Romul had remained at my side for most of the day and had refused to leave me even when I desired a moment’s peace, alone. For whatever reason, he insisted on becoming my shadow after sensing other companies at the ocean’s edge. I wanted nothing more than to indulge him and his worries, but instead forced him to patrol the beach, even if he wouldn’t go far.

Relief fluttered briefly in my stomach as I watched him turn to leave, and as he did so I resumed my ascent down the shore only to be stopped at the sight of another. Panic flared low and hot starting in my legs and moving upward until I was finally engulfed in flames. The uncertainty and the wonder and the doubt that coursed from his reappearance left me bewildered, unkempt. I’d been a different girl then, somehow brave, somehow determined. What was left of me –if anything at all- was confusion… a lost path never trodden. But I’d done it once… I could do it again.

I could confront the past… couldn’t I?

As if without thought, I approached quietly, still unable to conjure the words it would take to make him aware of me. It was funny that I was once able to confront him so easily, Ulrik, and funnier still that now I felt like a shy child unused to her own skin. Yet, he’d remained the same from what I could see as he stood before the very waves I’d only recently left. “The snow suits you better,” I stated softly. Inwardly, my nerves were alight with a cold fire that wouldn’t seem to die, but outwardly I tried my best to maintain whatever composure I still gripped so violently to heart.

I nodded to the hellhound at his heels and turned my stare into the tide, hoping that the constant thrumming of the waves would calm my racing heart. One by one, the pieces of my shattered life were coming back together and it was up to me to decide whether or not to reassemble them or merely leave them scattered.

Spirals of cool, seawater gales wafted in from the ocean, riding the low tides before finally sailing easily across the shore. They picked up loose strands of forelock as they went and tugged them away from my face. It felt more like an omen than a force of nature, but the inevitable darkness that accompanied a man like Ulrik was certain to bring ill tidings to any unsuspecting soul. I mulled over the fine lines of his face for a moment when he turned to face me, but found my stare wavering, unsure. He was just as I’d left him, cold and unassuming, and somehow a pillar that stood strong against the rushing of my many uncertainties. Like a hurricane, I’d been transformed from a confident thunderhead into a destructive squall, blowing across every line I’d ever drawn.

My rampant high winds had lost control and I’d spun mindlessly about until everything around me was left in mere shambles. Only now had I managed to contain my own tempest and calm the pandemonium racketing haphazardly at the core of my very being…. But looking at him threatened to spoil any such progress. Ulrik shook loose the rain that brewed behind closed doors and pressed against the impassive walls that shielded my emotions. Yet, instead of becoming consumed by him, by myself, I threaded the last of my willpower around my heart until only the distant rumbling of thunder echoed against my hollow remembrances.

I took a step toward him, finding only the false imaginings of strength to guide me forward. Even imitated confidence was better than feeling what lingered against the warmth of my skin and against the backs of my eyes where memories longed to come to light. I feared what I saw in him and feared more what we’d been through together despite being on opposing ends of death. The loss of Midas had spurred in me an undeniable hatred for all, for Helovia, and for the things I could’ve, but wasn’t allowed to do. When the grief had faded, I’d been able to reconcile with my past somehow, though only shallowly. Instead, I’d begun to dwell on things lighter and less substantial to my heart.

Frisking about Helovia had certainly become a hobby of mine and I’d met many new faces, some dear and some not. I recalled Caneo, my dreamer and newly established friend, as I’d welcomed him to the Throat. I thought of Auriel and the unhappy look on her face when I’d mentioned her mother, Elsa. Even Misael had left a noticeable mark on my disposition- they were all helping to uncover a future I thought I’d never have.

But Ulrik… he was different somehow, though I couldn’t quite put a finger on why.

When at last I was close enough to glance up toward the molten bronze of his stare, I simply studied while he spoke. There was no animated hello or questions about how I’d been… True to his nature, he kept any curiosities tightly bound within while I floundered before him like a child. This wasn’t how he would have recalled me anyway. “Because that’s how I remember you.” 

The words came quickly, but seemingly sure, and I turned to watch as Kirchoff continued to chew and mutilate the bone he’d probably found hidden in the sands. Had nothing changed?