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01-31-2016, 05:20 AM
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-Pixel by Niki-
△△ All friendly/neutral contact is fine but no permanent injury/maiming/death △
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HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun
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Lit [Eldala v Ivezho
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Lit [Eldala v Ivezho
the Rift
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Lit [Eldala v Ivezho
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△ All friendly/neutral contact is fine but no permanent injury/maiming/death △ △ Please tag me for everything you can, it helps me remember△ △
02-12-2016, 06:52 PM
To truly understand the beast, one must meet him, and unlock that which beats within his glowing chest.
Ivezho was more than happy to oblige the mare's wishes of appearing whenever he was thought about. It wasn't something he did intentionally, or something he did because he 'knew' somehow that he was being summoned - it was pure, happy coincidence, each and every time. He had been wanting to see more of her - he'd never deny that - and sometimes, the only way to do that was to become something of a stalker, a detective, a hunter. From the skies, most pale, small-framed beasts looked alike - the stallion found himself coming across many new creatures and beings as he searched for the one with the twisted horn and striped rump. He had learned a few things since last seeing her, and it would be a lie if he didn't admit to himself that he did want to show his new 'talents' to her. The lust, the desire, that had been ignited at their first ever encounter together had not been forgotten by the steed - it was the first time he had had to fight off the beast within, the carnal, primitive creature who sought only to spread his seed and genes to the next generation. It had been torture to leave her side that day, but though he was named for a beast, he would not force such a thing on anyone, no matter how strong, how powerful those urges became. But they were very powerful urges. When offered with a situation that allowed him to express them, he couldn't deny them. Eldala had been the one who lit the original match - but Mordecai had been the one to start the inferno from it. Still, in the wake of that inferno, Ivezho wanted to see how Eldala was; primarily as a friend who cared, and wanted to learn more of her; secondly, to see what may come of the flames that danced between them (for surely she felt it too, that pull, that desire..). When she spoke, he heard her, for as she searched the skies for him, he crept along the tall, yellowed grasses of the Meadow. Flying could only give you a general overview - once he had found what he hoped was her trail, he had taken to the same mode of transport as she (walking), to better his chances of tracking her. And it had worked - and her words, her body language, everything about her, screamed out that desire he remembered, that shared feeling of carnal urges and devious acts. He would have her tonight. The thought of it excited him, it awoke the beast within him - which would prove problematic if he needed to concentrate on not-getting-stabbed should she decide to follow through with this request to fight. With a grin upon his maw, the stallion let out a deep rumbling call, a summons, a call-to-arms. Ask, and you shall receive, my dear little crème lady. "'Dala, " he said by way of greeting, his voice thick with the sensations rolling through him (though he managed to keep a straight face, and carry on as if his loins weren't on fire just at the sight of her, it was just difficult). "You want to learn the dance of the warrior?" He asked with a brow raised in silent challenge, as he aimed to approach her - he was off to her right, having tracked her across the Meadow for a few hours, he wondered whether she would turn and face up to him, or ignore him, or even run from him. Ivezho was the son of the greatest warrior in the lands, and from a herd whose militaristic lifestyle meant one was either fit or they died. His physique was naturally inclined towards battle prowess, but his experience was certainly lacking. That didn't matter to him, right now, however. Right now, he would be at the pinnacle of his fighting career, if it meant the opportunity to dance with this girl who had invaded his thoughts, his dreams, (and definitely the urges across his body) since they had first met. Right now, Ivezho would be a battle-master, a coach, to her slim, beautiful self - he didn't care for the consequences (actually, he rather hoped for certain consequences). Lifting his wings from his side, Ivezho burst into a speedy canter suddenly, abruptly. With a laugh, he tried to approach the smooth contours of her shoulder. With a sweep of his crown, he attempted to lay a biting kiss upon her right shoulder as he passed by, before carving a path out that would hopefully allow his long legs to sketch a rough clock-wise turning circle around her frame. "Lesson one," he said, with a devilish smile upon his maw, "never stop moving." Ivezho
795 words. 1/3 attack posts. 0/1 closing defence. Thistle Meadow, Orangemoon, afternoon/turning into evening. -- WELCOME TO WHIT'S TEACHING TIPS OF DOOM We have the wonderfully unique situation of doing both an IC and OOC teaching spar, woohoo :D OK, so I'm going to just go ahead and explain EVERYTHING (that I can) - not because I assume you are Jon Snow and know nothing, but just to be sure there is no confusion anywhere across any aspect of spars ;D First simple things to remember: Word count. Do not go over it. Keeping below the 800 word count is an easy way to keep all possible HP. There is a penalty for each post that you post that exceeds the word count. To do this effectively: Be concise with your writing. Can you say in one word what you just said in three? Be brutal when you cull. If the sentence is superfluous, CUT IT OUT. In saying that, if you have words left over, consider whether you need to flesh your post out some more. Add more details into your attacks, add some more feelings, more thoughts, more consideration for your environment (will go into all this more as the fight progresses). Post numbering. I've just posted the first attack of the thread - this is the first one that a Judge will read. Our thread will progress like this: 1/3 attack - Me. 1/3 attack - You. 2/3 attack - Me. 2/3 attack - You. 3/3 attack - Me. 3/3 attack - You. 1/1 closing defence - Me. You don't do a closing defence because I did the first attack - and in that first attack post I don't have an opportunity to defend from any attacks, because you haven't made one yet. Familiarise yourself with the battle rubric. This is what you are being judged with. We are judged on the same things as far as the content of our posts go, with the added Dice Rolling, to make our HP honest. Interpreting the dice can be tricky, but I think of it as this: a 6-sided die defines what damage is taken. 1/6, is the lowest possible combination, such damage will likely only affect your character for a single post (a bruise, a scrape, that might sting throughout the battle but doesn't hinder you in any way). 3/6 is about halfway to the biggest hurt you could take, this damage will definitely last into your next post and may cause you to have to re-evaluate what sort of attack you do, or how you defend your body against further attacks. 6/6 means OUCH, big time. This sort of damage will take a week or more to begin to heal, and will affect your character immensely throughout the fight. In saying that, however, how you take damage also varies depending on the type of fight, and the types of attacks given. In an official challenge where chars are literally trying to shred each other, I would expect the interpretation of that damage to be heavier/deeper, whereas in a friendly spar like this one, where they don't -really- want to hurt each other, I would expect at most, deep bruises that ache like a bitch. I will go into more detail once I have one of your attack posts to reply to - until then keep the following things in mind: @Eldala please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts I write what I feel at the time and hope everyone else does the same c:
02-21-2016, 05:45 AM
-Pixel by Niki-
△△ All friendly/neutral contact is fine but no permanent injury/maiming/death △ △ Please tag me for everything you can, it helps me remember△ △
02-28-2016, 04:12 AM
To truly understand the beast, one must meet him, and unlock that which beats within his glowing chest.
If looks could transmit thoughts, Ivezho would have been totally and completely distracted, more-so than he already was, just by the sight of her. Her mention of a token, however, was what truly did him in. His loins seemed to be burning, his excitement barely contained - he prayed to all the gods that she meant what he hoped she meant. Eldala was the first to have truly stolen his attention in that way, the first to really ignite that fire within. She had awoken him, or the beast within him, but then she had turned him away, shunned the beast, declined and denied both of their desires (for Ivezho was sure he didn't imagine her reciprocation that night). In turning him away, he had found solace in another, an outlet, or freedom as he had called his time with Mordecai. This was different to that 'freedom': this was intense, exquisite, a conquest that would not be temporary or forgotten; he was surprised to find himself admit that if it meant the ruin of their friendship, he would not commit that lusty act which he so sorely desired to. The taste of her sweat and fur on his tongue was both salty and spicy - her personal musk was his favourite flavour, for only Eldala tasted like Eldala. A small dash of guilt might have washed through him as his teeth connected a bit rougher than he initially intended - but then, she was the one asking for this, and he was not going to deny her (hell, if he could help it, he'd never deny her anything). It was purely the fact that the length of his neck was longer than hers that allowed him to completely miss the return lovebite she sent his way - he barely felt the wind of her lips passing near his shoulder. Though he cannot see the grin she wore as she spoke, her tones reveal the playfulness, the cheek, the deviousness that simply was Eldala, and it further excited him, for it meant that she was still on board, still with him, and he with her. A deep, hearty laugh chuckled from this throat at her question, and he was about to answer when- - her tail lifted and - - he couldn't stop his steps from creeping closer to her, his haunches bunching as his forelegs seemed to step higher, his wings lift from his sides to sweep forward and embrace her and- -- thump! It was so swift, he barely saw it coming, and when he did, he was far too overcommitted to escape its strike range. A deep grunt rolled through him, but he was lucky in that he was tall, (much taller than she,) and he had been half-rearing behind her as well, adding to height of her target. Delicate little hooves thumped against his pectorals, and it was the surprise of the impact that really shook Ivezho, rather than the actual, physical aspect of it. Scrambling his own hindlegs beneath him, he backed up in a great hurry, pumping his wings to move himself further. A snort rippled through his nostrils as he shook his crown angrily at his own foolishness, before he ground his teeth and pressed onwards, aiming to resume the clockwise circle he had been trotting about her form previously. "Good!" he said, laughing away the anger that had flared previously - he wasn't angry at her, after all, rather, he was pretty proud of her. Physically, she was a good deal shorter, smaller, softer than he, which would usually mean she was at a disadvantage. But Eldala used what she had in a creative and effective way - which was exactly what attributes made a successful warrior (perhaps that's why I'm no soldier of the Throat). "Won't work a second time though," he warned with a grin, before he turned himself sharply to aim directly for the right side of her barrel. He pressed himself forward with all the power of his hindquarters behind him, stepping high over the autumn meadow, flaring his wings to catch any of the chilly breeze his movement generated to lift him. He wanted to soar over her, not to touch her, but to taunt her, scare her, show her what it was to be a pegasus. And then, upon landing, he mimicked her strike against him, and kicked out his hindlegs towards her. There was no real power behind the motion, for he did not want to hurt her - only to show her exactly what he was capable of, and hope that she would do the same (and, his chest hurt a bit too, but he wasn't about to admit that, especially to her, or himself). Ivezho
788 words. 2/3 attack posts. 0/1 closing defence. Thistle Meadow, Orangemoon, afternoon turning into evening. TEACHING TIPS!:: Great post Goat! I'm going to use the same sub-headings that a judge would use, let me know if you find them helpful or not! Also, the summary is not compulsory/necessary (I don't do them because lazy), but if you feel that it helps you then by all means keep going them. Just remember though, if you mention something in your summary that didn't actually happen in your post, it technically didn't happen! Realism: This is where judges will look at how accurately you interpreted the dice roll given, through how your character dodges/doesn't dodge, or takes damage. Eldala rolled a 3 for damage this time, so I think you took his simple bite pretty well. A bit of skin off and a general ache is a pretty good summation for this kind of spar - but be sure to mention how it might ache still at least in your next post too. Also - did it hurt her when she bucked out at him? Could that have affected the power behind her kick? Will it affect the types of attacks she does in the future? Keep this in mind throughout your fight. Emotion: This is basically where you want to have your judges so captivated, so involved with your character, that they feel what your character is feeling. Eldala is feeling rather frisky - why? What is it that makes her feel that way? Spring/Birdsong is a while away, so it's not her hormones - is it something else? Why is she so attracted to Ivezho? What about their past interactions have led her to feel this way, to want him this way? Does she admire him? Hate him? She lusts after him, sure, but why? And why does she think that this is the best way to get her release? Explore your character a bit more - you have the word count to spare - what makes Eldala Eldala? Prose: Grammar, writing style, etc, is judged here. Your writing is very easy to read and your grammar is mostly spot-on. You keep your tense in the present perfectly, the only little things I can see is: His muscled structure slinks its' way 'round the brush while he steps into her burning sight. - "its' " should just be "its". The ability to employ agility in her favor meant utilizing obstacles with which she could trip him up(Entirely plausible considering the fall he'd taken at their first meeting.). - should be: The ability to employ agility in her favor meant utilizing obstacles with which she could trip him up (entirely plausible considering the fall he'd taken at their first meeting). Readability: This is judged separate to prose as some writers have a certain style (mine would be endless run-on sentences lol), if they can make it really work for them, it doesn't disrupt the way the reader interprets or reads through the post. If a judge has to read through a post more than once they generally will start knocking points or half-points off here, because remember - judges have to read each post of the spar, at least 7 of them, that's a fair chunk of reading. You want to make it as smooth a process as possible for them! I find reading posts out loud (sounds silly but it does help!) really helps me score more points here. Your last paragraph, for example, is mostly short sentences, where, when read out loud, kind of sounds a bit jarring, stopping and starting a lot. Try to mix it up a little bit - commas can be your friend too! That's all I have for this post, keep up the great work :) @Eldala please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts I write what I feel at the time and hope everyone else does the same c:
03-12-2016, 03:36 AM
Word Count: 708 Attack Posts: 2/3 Summary: Eldala gets distracted when he flies over her head because she tries to reach the end of his tail/nip at it playfully. Therefore, the kick hits her square in her left barrel. Following this she's thrown off and wheezes for a second before pushing herself forward and trying to land a bite on his right shoulder. Regardless of whether that hits or not she's going to try to stay close to him in order to preserve energy as well as to try and protect her now weakened left side. Le Notes: -Thanks so much for your patience. The prose might not be as good in this one but I finally got it out. lol. -Thanks for the notes and how they've been so thoroughly laid out. Its honestly very helpful to have a guide to go off of while starting back up again. The pointers/tips have been great. Imma keep the summary because it helps me confirm and re-evaluate things. xD -I tried to cover her emotions well: the satisfaction over the hit of her kick, why she decided that she wants him right now(simply a matter of frustration at herself for holding back, and she trusts him/feel safe, so she chose him rather than a random dude), how she felt a little betrayed when he went accidental ham on the kick, and then determination to not give up afterwards. - Realism was really tough for me on this one and how to go about taking things/the damage/etc but I tried my best. -I *tried* to get my sentences to be a little longer/flow a little more but I have like zero idea if that worked.haha. @Ivezho -Pixel by Niki-
△△ All friendly/neutral contact is fine but no permanent injury/maiming/death △ △ Please tag me for everything you can, it helps me remember△ △
06-23-2016, 08:24 PM
Ivezho defaults to Eldala
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