"Where brilliance is good and madness is better..."
Helovia Info
Helovia opened in February 2012! We are an active fantasy equine RPG
Where once the world narrowed into naught but gray dust and desolation, the gods called for life. Wielding the elements of fire and light, dark and wind, earth and water, spark and time, they have created Helovia. The realm is set within the mythical globe of Loorien, a planet rich with all variety of creatures and blessed with all manner of magic. Originally populated by nomadic, tribal characters, they've since grown into massive empires saturated with culture and history. Separated into four distinct segments of Helovia, called "The Regions," each band of horse strong enough and capable enough, took up the power and responsibility of leadership. Unicorns, old, wise and mysterious, took to the north, hidden in forests of mists and shadows and rarely making themselves known beyond their cliffs of the World's Edge. Equines, vast, organized and militaristic, split into two, one group went north to the Windtossed Foothills and the other group went south to the Dragon's Throat. Pegasus remained nomadic, making their homes in various parts of The Wilds in a migratory manner. For many generations, the land was peaceful and calm, but peace was never the way of the gods. With a clash of argument, war and bloodshed massacred Helovia, and in the aftermath, the realm was eerily quiet. Now, as newcomers sweep into this land, they are met with the lingering bitterness of the gods and the struggle to reclaim what was lost. Nothing remains safe or certain while sorcerers and soldiers alike brood and bide their time for revenge, honor and glory.
Site Wide Plots
Kaos :: The Beginning of the End ☼ - 6/2017 - Kaos placed Helovia in a time-bubble for a short period of time, but the Helovian gods are fighting back. But Kaos is powerful- far more powerful than anyone thought. This may be the beginning of the end of Helovia as we know it.
Kisamoa :: A New Kind of Kaos ☼ - 3/2017 - Kisamoa asks Helovians to help him restore the Spectral Marsh. Which side will you choose?
Invasions :: All Out War ☼ - 5/2/16 - New layout and the brand new invasion rules are up! Thank you for your patience and we look forward to getting started with this new adventure.
The Rift :: Gods Do Die ☼ - 8/2015 - Helovia Gods are saving the Rift from corrupt gods! Can Helovians band together against these foreign deities?
The Literal Ship ☼ - 2/8/15 - Oh no! You have to pair up for Valentine's day!
Sky Island :: Murder ☼ - 10/25/14 - Vesta has been found dead on the island, and the gods have called to you to solve the murder!
Sky Island :: Peace ☼ - 7/7/14 - An island has appeared in the sky! Clouds carry Helovians from the Veins to the sky.
Restoration :: We Welcome the Dawn ☼ - 9/21/13 - The sun has finally risen on this day, giving the land new light, but the Time God and the Sun God have yet to be seen.
Endless Night :: Broken Magic Plot ☼ - 8/30/13 - The earth god has returned and is walking across Helovia to heal the land. Every area can now be considered lush and prosperous, but the sun has still not risen.
☼ - 7/19/13 - The moon has risen in the sky, heralding the return of the Goddess of the moon. Lamp trees which light the paths have grown brighter, moon flowers which grow in dark places have begun to grow and prosper and the world is brighter, filled with a new hope.
Endless Night :: Dead Magic Plot ☼ - 6/22/13 - The gods of Helovia, in order to protect the world, have disappeared into the rift, leaving the world sunless, moonless and magic-less in their absence. Only the herdlands have a source of light, but lamp-trees with glowing leaves and branches sporadically line the popular roads and paths from place to place.
Doppleganger Plot ☼ - 6/20/13 - The God of Time is still struggling to close the rift though which the dopplegangers have come. He has requested that his brothers and sister assist in closing this hole, but without knowing why it opened, the task is proving difficult. Magic still remains faulty and hard to control, but the herdlands continue to be places of refuge for those who are fortunate enough to call these lands home.
ORANGEMOON cools off the lands with a a viscious force. Colder than normal, a sign of things to come during Frostfall, Helovia is bathed in a rich tropical lushness - albiet a cold one. The coastlines of the Dragon's Throat are pelted constantly by tidal waves, and the desert climate is humid but chilly. Ice begins to form early in the Aurora Basin leaving the winding trails slick and dangerous. The mists of the World's Edge coat everything in a glistening crystalline shine which encourages mould to grow everywhere. The Spectral Marsh is the only area which remains fertile, blissfully temperature and lush.
Cotm
Character of the Month for
June, 2017
WEAVER, Corporal of the Aurora Basin, is a relatively recent addition to Helovia and has taken it by storm. Branded with the seal of Death on her chest, intrigue and interest follow both her past and present. Though she is assuredly beautiful, her sometimes sharp personality reveals that there is more to this uni-peg hybrid than meets the eye. Proving herself able on the battlefield in the Basin’s warrior ranks, we can’t wait to see her test her mettle against the looming Kaos happenings! Congratulations!
Helovia RPG was created by Tamme and Blu and coded by Tamme also known as Schwartze. All coding, palettes and imagery are copyrighted to the website and are not for use outside of Helovia. Thank you to our ServerMaster for hosting Helovia. A special thanks goes to Neo for all of her coding help and fixing Tamme's errors, Boom, for her loyal service and creation of the Time God, and to Ali for her consistent contributions and dedication.
On the outside I"m sure I likely look the way I always do, but inside? Inside I am a mess.
There is a storm of emotion that has exploded inside of me, and yet through the drizzle and frenzy of thoughts and feelings, all I can think of is her, and the words I need to say.
Oh sure, it would be easier to lie. I've been absent and the Throat is large enough that surely I could get away without saying a word. She might never even know ... but something about the thought of staining my soul in such a manner feels so egregious that I can't even bear the thought. It completely overrides the fear that accompanies the words I roll around in my skull - words that will likely cause such a chasm between us - but they need to be said.
And so I search.
Ranjiri--
My sea-green gaze scans the horizon as I move with purpose throughout the Throat. I nod respectfully and politely to those I meet, but something about the efficiency of my gate likely lets them know that I am just passing through. I haven't the time for pleasantries, though I might once this is all over and done with. Then again, who knows. Perhaps I won't have any more reason to dwell in the Throat if this conversations goes as sideways as I think it might.
A cool breeze tugs on my feathers, but I push through, keeping my embered wings pulled tightly against my ashen flanks.
"Ranjiri!" I call out, wondering if my voice along will find her should she be hiding behind one of the many sand dunes.
02-05-2016, 03:01 PM (This post was last modified: 02-05-2016, 03:03 PM by Ranjiri.)
There was already a chill in the air with the coming Frostfall, so there was really no way that I was going to be leaving the Throat unless I absolutely had to. The last time I had left I got stuck in a blizzard in the meadow and if it hadn't been for Destrier and his dragons I would have frozen to death out there. The prospect of that was more than enough to keep me firmly rooted in the golden sands of the Throat. At times it made me wonder if that was one of the reasons that dad never wanted to leave the Throat. It was pretty warm even when the bitter cold of Frostfall took hold everywhere else. Anyways, confining myself to the Throat gave me time to practice the magic that came with my rank. I wasn't doing any crafting per se, but I was practicing finding the metal that I needed to be able to craft.
"Ranjiri!"
My concentration broke and the metal under the sand that I'd been trying to raise slipped from the grasp of my magic and I snorted my frustration at myself. How could I expect to be any good at it if someone yelling my name broke my concentration?
Wait.
Someone was calling my name.
I made my way up the dune that I had my back to and once I made it to the top I looked down. It wasn't hard to spot the dark figure on the golden sands and since it was the only one close I figured it was him that had called for me. I started to make my way down the other side of the dune, sliding most of the way to the bottom. "Rhoa?" I asked once I stopped sliding and was able to stand straight again. "What's going on? Is everything okay?"
"."
you won't forget the heavy steps it took to let it go
close your eyes, count to ten, hold your breath and fly
I want to run towards her, and disappear. I want to crumble to my knees. I want to lie to her - to ignore what it is that I've come here to do. I want to shout that I've missed her once again, and I want to tell her goodbye. I want to pause this moment, and I want to fast-forward.
She is so beautiful, so lovely, that the thought of what I have to say feels like some sort of black tarnish on this day.
But then ... a small voice tells me that perhaps everything will be alright. Not because I expect Ranjiri to someone understand the things I am thinking and feeling, but perhaps because she simply won't care. That she is a light in the darkness for me, does not mean that I am that for her. I am just ... Rhoa, son of Gaucho. The one who left without saying goodbye. The one who rambled on about missings. Perhaps the odd serendipitous warmth in my belly exists only for me. If I am nothing to her, then what I am about to say will seem odd. Misplaced.
But I think ... I think some part of me loves her. And it is only because I know how impossibly premature it is even to think the word love, that that's what it must be. It can't be love - shouldn't be - and yet that I believe it is, is all the evidence I need. I think I do love her, for reasons I cannot say. But she is for me a light, and I cannot deny that.
But if I am just Rhoa to her ... if the life that invades my thoughts of the two of us together exists only in my mind then perhaps this will be easy.
"Nn-" I begin to say that everything isn't alright, but I am swept up by the loveliness of her mane, the strength of her muscles, the glint on her coat.
"I-"
Say it. Just say it.
"-am going to be a Father."
My kneels feel weak, my throat dry. I partially want her to be upset, want some small part of her to scream No! and wish that the child was ours - but then, I could never wish that sort of pain on her, even one so swept up in my own fantasies as that. But nor do I think I could bear it if she merely shrugged, unimpressed and unbothered by the news.
And so, not knowing what reaction I wanted or expected from her, I merely let the words hang heavily in the air between us.
I smiled after I asked if everything was alright because of course it was. The day was beautiful, he was back in the Throat, there were no battles raging, everything seemed to be perfect. So when he started to say, what I assumed to be, No my smile faltered and began to fade. No? What could possibly be wrong? was someone hurt? Was he leaving me again? "Rhoa...?" I murmured his name quietly and I reached my muzzle out to him because I could see it in his eyes, then. Panic? "Rhoa, whats...?"
"I ... am going to be a father."
My smile disappeared completely and I stood staring at Rhoa for a few minutes, just letting the words sink in. He was going to be a father. A father. "...oh..." I whispered. There was a foreign feeling bubbling in my chest. Jealousy? Sadness? A mixture of the two? But why should I feel jealous or sad that Rhoa was going to be a father? It wasn't like I had any claim over him as anything more than a friend. Even if there was that part of me that wanted something more, I still had no claim.
Nothing.
He... he probably needed comfort. Encouragement. He probably needed to be told that he was going to be a great father to ease his panic.
Instead of telling him I bit my tongue and stared.
A father.
"A father?" I whispered and I tried to put on a smile because I shouldn't feel the weight of sadness. Becoming a parent, I imagined, was supposed to be a happy thing. I should congratulate him, I kept telling myself. I should tell him that he'll be wonderful. I should be happy or excited or anything else but this mixture of sadness and jealousy.
"Um..." I mumbled. "Who...? Who is she? Do I know her?"
Please, don't let it be someone I know.
"."
you won't forget the heavy steps it took to let it go
close your eyes, count to ten, hold your breath and fly
It hits me like a rock in my gut. It pounds in my ears and makes my head swim. There is so much silence just pushing us apart, and for a moment my body fancies moving forwards. Indeed, the muscles of my chest tense slightly and my right leg lifts ever so slightly off of the sands as if I mean to stride forward and eliminate the physical gap between us. But as soon as the movement is realized, I immediately stop, and return my hoof to the ground.
What am I thinking? Now more than ever I surely don't have the privilege of touching her. But I want to.
Oh how I want to.
She repeats what I've said, and I wonder if she's doing so only because she finds it so incredulous. In a way, it is. I am not the one night stand type - or at least, I had never considered myself to be. Even though I had been with Glacia only a few days before I found Ranjiri again. But it all seemed ... the timing seemed ...
I exhale and shake my head slightly, trying to force myself to understand my own actions. When I met Glacia, I had been intending to (never come back). She had stopped me, she, and the cold, and the quiet. It had pulled me in, and her touch had captivated my wounded soul and my need for something tangible. She had been a thoughtless dream in those disorienting moments before real sleep takes over.
Indeed there were times I had thought that it wasn't real. At least until she found me and told me what had happened.
"I don't-" I don't know who you know. I hardly know anything about you, that's why it's so absurd that I'm in love with you. But I hardly know anything about her either. And yet ...
Yet she is pregnant. And she says it's mine.
"Glacia. Mauja's daughter .. " And that was about the extent of what I knew about her. What have I done?
I'm not able to stomach the thought of Ranjiri knowing Glacia. Gods, what if they were friends?
"I-"
I what? Am sorry? It happened so fast? I didn't mean to? I love you? I don't know why I'm telling you this?
Neither of the names are familiar to me and for a moment I am relieved. What if it had been someone I knew? What if it had been one of my friends that was going to be the mother of his child? How could I be friends with someone and be jealous of them for having a child together? "I don't.. I don't know her... or him." I finally admitted and I shook my head.
Does he love her?
The thought struck me and my mouth went dry. What if he did love her? What if he came here to tell me because he loved her and he wanted my blessing? Why would my blessing matter? Why would anything I thought about the entire situation matter if he loved her? I felt like he'd kicked me in the gut and I took in a shaky breath and forced an equally as shaky smile that disappeared almost as soon as I'd tried to force it.
"Do you love her?" I asked the question and as soon as I did I wished that I could scoop the words back up and swallow them. I didn't know what I wanted him to say. I didn't know what would hurt more.
Yes or no?
There was one thing that was certain, and that was that if he said yes that he loved her that I would have to squash whatever feelings I had for him. I couldn't allow myself to feel for a stallion who was in love with someone else. I wouldn't put myself through that type of longing and heartbreak. I wouldn't make her feel the same way I was feeling if they were in love, it was too cruel.
Yes or no?
What would I do if he said no? How would I feel? Would I be relieved that there was still a chance of something developing? Would I be disappointed that he was having a child with someone he didn't love? "Rhoa...?"
Why?
"."
you won't forget the heavy steps it took to let it go
close your eyes, count to ten, hold your breath and fly
She doesn't know Mauja? I almost laugh, and have to quickly inhale to keep myself from expelling the amused air in my mouth, or letting my lips quiver in a smile. How could she not know him? It was Mauja after all. But in the big scheme of things, it was minutely unimportant. That she didn't know Glacia made my heart ease slightly. At least there wouldn't be that complication to deal with.
Do you love her?
"No-" I blurted out the word before my mind could even wrap itself around forming an answer. But it was true, I didn't, but perhaps I shouldn't have answered so readily. What did that say about me? If I didn't love her, then what business did I have siring her child?
Still, I couldn't bring myself to offer a defence. What would I say? How could I explain to Jiji the hopelessness that covered me like a cloak? That when I said I was leaving Helovia, that I might equally have meant leaving this world, until Glacia found me? But she hadn't found me - not the way Jiji had on the beach. Glacia had ... had been there. In the whiteness, in the solitude. She had been, and she was warm in the way nothing else in a million miles was warm. She had just fit and satisfied a need that I had never experienced before.
But the thought of telling Jiji that it was a loneliness that conspired with sexual need that was at the heart of all of this, felt so ugly and horrible that I almost shuddered at the thought.
"It was ... thoughtless in the truest sense of the word. I didn't think. I had only just learned her name ... It was like a dream-" Oh Gods, I'm rambling and can't stop-- "not that kind of dream. It didn't seem real. I didn't think--"
I can't bear to look at her. My gaze drops, and the blood-red of the sand swims before my eyes. I want to pause just to think. To think about what she's said and how i've responded ... can I just ... can I just tell her that I love her? Will that make her understand? Will it even make sense?
He said it so quickly that it made me frown. How could you not love someone that you did ... that with? How could you not love someone was was going to be the mother of your child? I didn't understand it because I grew up in a family where there was love. My mother and father might not have stayed together but they had loved one another when they decided to have me. Uncle Archi loved Circe when they were together. Momma loves Lakota and they have my little brother together. How? How could he sire a child with a woman that he was so quick to say that he didn't love. "Does she know?" I asked my next question quietly. "...that you don't love her?" Because my god if she thought he did what would it do to her to find out that he didn't?
He tried to explain that it was thoughtless. That he had only just learned her name when it happened, as if that was going to make it better. That it felt like a dream that he didn't think was real. But it was real. It was very real and he was going to be a father. I understood the panic, then. "Is that why you're panicking?" I found myself asking. "Because you figured out that its real? Do you even want to be a father?" My control was slipping, the jealousy that I felt was beginning to slip through and show in my tone and I had to make myself stop talking and asking questions by biting down on my tongue. What good would it do to make him more upset? What good would it do to make him feel worse and make him leave? As upset as I was at the whole situation I didn't want him to leave again.
"I'm so sorry."
"Me, too." I said because I didn't know what else to say. The more I thought about it and the more it stewed in my mind the more I hated to say congratulations. It seemed inappropriate considering the circumstances. Coupled along with my own feelings I didn't know if I would be able to force the word past my lips without grimacing. "Are you staying here?" Was my next question. "Or... are you going live with your child?"
"."
you won't forget the heavy steps it took to let it go
close your eyes, count to ten, hold your breath and fly
"No-" I answer immediately once again, as if any potential delay in my response will give her reason to disbelieve me. She doesn't know. But she's never asked. In that moment, I have no idea which is more horrific - that Glacia wouldn't have asked me about love, or that she hadn't asked me at all, and so wouldn't know. But then again ... it couldn't be the case that something like that would be assumed between us?
She can't think I love her, could she?
Immediately my mind fits together, and simultaneously refutes an argument. I want to console myself by saying something like, we only just met. She can't reasonably thing I love her after just one encounter. How could I? but with stiffing quickness and certainty, I reminded myself that that was precisely how I felt about Ranjiri.
How does it feel not knowing that I love you? I want to ask, but instead I leave my eyes on the ground, too ashamed to meet her gaze.
Is that why you're panicking? "Because you figured out that its real? Do you even want to be a father?
My gaze rises, my chest shaky with the raspy breathes that I try to tentatively draw. "This is now larger than she or I. There is another life at stake ... a life that shouldn't be subjected from birth to the mistakes of others...Of course I want to be a father ... but not like this."
Her next question catches me completely off guard. I hadn't even thought that far in advance. You idiot, I think critically of myself, as my face falls with the slow realization of what she's said. Of course I'll have to go ... Unless Glacia would come here? For a bright moment it seems that departing from Ranjiri again could be remedied, but instantly my gut twists again, and I know that I couldn't bear the thought of seeing Ranjiri anywhere near Glacia or my child. Something about it seems too horrific. Like rubbing salt in a wound. She is too perfect, the life I quite literally fucked away, to be subjected to my mistakes on a daily basis.
"I...suppose." I offer, my voice a near whisper. It is harder to hear my voice crack with emotion when it is so soft, and I hope that I have hidden the lump that has appeared in my throat well. "At least this time I will be able to say goodbye to you-" I force out, my voice a bitter and ugly sound as I can feel the beginnings of tears stinging down in my nasal cavity as they rise to my eyes, which are now firmly fixed near Ranjiri's hooves.
The idea of leaving her, again, is too terrible to bear, despite the fact that I am well aware that I am entirely responsible for this mess. The disappointment in her voice leaves no way out - she already seems horrified by my decisions, how could I possibly lower myself in her eyes any further, by saying that I will abandon Glacia and my child? Not to mention how it would resonate with her, coming from such a broken-up home.
Of course he wanted to be a father, that was no surprise to me. I think internally everyone has some kind of desire to have children, but whether it comes from a place of doing it out of love or doing it to continue a bloodline is individual. The apple never falls far from the tree, so how could Rhoa be any different from Gaucho with his desire to procreate? My ears fell back against my head and I snorted to myself as I compared father to son. "But not like this?" Rhoa claimed and I just stared at him. If not like that then how.
"Well, its too late to change what happened." I said far too dismissively. "What's done is done and now you have to deal with the consequences." Consequences that were a child that ... that could have been mine in some other universe where my silly little crush was more than that and my feelings were reciprocated. But it hurt to think of it that way, so I forced that thought from my head violently. I didn't need to think about it. I didn't need to dwell on something that would never happen because I would only be hurting myself and I was tired of hurting.
So tired.
But it seemed as though this whole meeting was just destined from the beginning to be something designed to hurt. When Rhoa finally spoke, when he finally told me this time he would be able to tell my bye I wanted to scream. I felt like he was mocking me from when he'd found me after he finally came back. I wanted to scream at him and hit him and just make him hurt, like it would make me hurt any less or feel any better. It was a part of myself that rarely ever surfaced and when it did it scared me.
It took every ounce of strength I had to not go after him, but I trembled. I shook as I stood there glaring. "Don't bother." I hissed between gritted teeth and I turned, then, because I didn't even want to look at him anymore. I wanted to be done with the whole conversation and forget that it ever happened and leave the feelings that I'd had right there in the sand at his hooves. I didn't even bother to look back as I started back up the dune I had come down when he'd called for me.
"."
you won't forget the heavy steps it took to let it go
close your eyes, count to ten, hold your breath and fly
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