the Rift


[PRIVATE] Let's Talk About Sexy Ba-by!

Myrrine Posts: 179
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 5.0
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16hh :: 3 (Orangemoon) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Watermel0nBob
#1



She missed him. Probably more than what was normal of a girl like her to feel for a man like him. But he had been given a special place in her heart, and that was where he would stay until the end. Her and Mauja had met in the endless blue nearly two years ago, her a small child trying to find herself while learning to fly, and he a man who was breaking at the seams (not that she knew this anyway). Tears had been shed and bonds had been made, the man had changed her for the better, and part of her always thought she had done the same for him. He had been the first to greet her upon her return from her endeavors, his words kind and his ranking having been demoted than what she had known before. Not that she had minded, Mauja would always be Mauja, no matter what his title was. She supposed she saw him as a role model she could look up to, someone she could rely on in her times of need when it came to the hard things in life she needed advice on. Right now, this was one of those very important times.

Quilyan had left her absolutely frazzled. He was on her mind constantly, filling her dreams with tender caresses and gentle crooning, all of it leading to that one thing that just- She shook her head vigorously, flustered and heating up all over. Desire and embarrassment intermingled together, filling her with such conflicted emotions and causing her body to swell with that want that she shouldn't be wanting. These urges shouldn't be here, she shouldn't be craving something so much, wanting the satisfaction that it had offered for her in such a small amount of time. His muscles had been strong, rippling and filled with a power that he certainly put to good use. The image nearly caused a sigh of pleasure to leave those inky lips, yet she was still reserved enough to suppress it, and instead she groaned in frustration, gently bumping her head against a tree over and over again. She couldn't figure it out, couldn't put the puzzle pieces together to make a coherent picture, and this was where her spotted companion would come in.

He was older, certainly older than she... he would have experience in such matters wouldn't he? Hopefully he would be able to tell her if what she was feeling was normal, that this was entirely natural and it would surely pass as the time went on. Those were the words she longed to hear, the reassurance that this was just a phase and nothing more, and yet there was that doubt in her mind that she was utterly wrong. What she feared the most was that this was something she couldn't just stop, that she would forever be in the champagne prince's control and disposal, his crooked smile and violet gaze stealing her heart away and causing her to return to him nightly. In this present mindset, that certainly didn't sound like too awful of any idea, and her body almost shivered in agreement, ready to find him now to continue just what her mind had started. She of course refused, holding herself back and instead searching the comforting pines of her home for Mauja or his two raptors, who could be flying in the sky in search for their evening meal.

The sun began to cast an orange glow upon the coastal region, the signs of dusk ever present as dainty hooves pressed into the cold ground, hazel eyes searching even still for who she wanted so badly to speak to. After time had passed and she had come up empty handed, she figured she would call out for him; praying to the Gods that he would answer, and she could get this issue settled once and for all. Taking a deep breath, she let her vocals ring out clearly, though the hesitancy was still quite evident in her beautiful timbre," M...Mauja! Are you around here? I would like to talk to you about something if you have the time." She was suddenly a lot more nervous now that she had summon him, heartbeat increasing its tempo and a slight sweat slicking her ivory and black frame. Her butterfly wings were in endless motion, working overtime in their gentle flutter of anxiety that would most likely never leave her as she waited in apprehension for the ex-ruler's arrival. Gods be with them both on this one.

OOC: So apparently Myrrine might be a Nympho? Idek. Love you <3



MYRRINE
Life's too short to live simply

semperfeisty | xxtgxxstock @dA | leeorr-stock @dA | jerry oldenettel @ flickr


@Mauja
Any force is permitted aside from death or maiming
PLEASE TAG ME IN POSTS! :3
Ascended Helovian

Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize & Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage Neo
#2
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
What had he done?

Run away, run away—

He had fallen straight back into his old habits. The thing he had always done: run.

From his past. From his mistakes. From his love. For his life.

Snö had inherited it. She had kept on running, too, even as she chided him for it. And he had sworn to himself, that night on the beach, that he was done with running—that he would face every fight the world threw him, that he would stop running for her sake.

But now she was dead, and he had already betrayed his promise, fleeing from the uncomprehending pain and hesitation in Tembovu's eyes and voice. From Myrrine's loving, gentle touch upon his shoulder, the thick bone of it guarding the terrified heart beneath.

He hadn't wanted them to fix him. He had wanted them to break him. He had—

His teeth gnashed together in the darkness. Not all loves were as shadow-wrapped and cruel as his. Not everyone were was fucking mad as he. What had he thought? That Tembovu would stab him to, for all everyone knew, death in front of the whole fucking herd?

(His heart was bitter, and cold.)

"M...Mauja! Are you around here? I would like to talk to you about something if you have the time."

No, I'm not, I don't have time, and you don't want to talk to me anyway

He knew who it was. He knew that it was a voice coming from a muzzle hovering next to his shoulders, eyes speaking love and devotion but lacking understanding: too innocent, too plain (trust me, honey, it's a good thing) to understand the sheer, terrorizing depths of Mauja's flawed character. He breathed out through dark nostrils, white smoke clouding into the early night. Did she want an explanation?

He had none.

But he had the staff; he'd gone back for it later, dismissed its wicked, curving blade, and tucked it in beneath the leather straps of his satchel. He closed his eyes. Its weight was like a curse weighing against his spine.

Life was so fragile, death so permanent, and as he briefly considered attempting to kill her he wondered if he would be able to cry for her afterwards.

Snap out of it he chided himself, giving his pale head an irked shake; white mane and forelock stirred against his neck, quicksilver rivers. He breathed out again.

"I'm over here," he called from where he stood, a statue among the thick trees, eyes soulless in the grayed-out darkness of the night.

[ @Myrrine ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here

Myrrine Posts: 179
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 5.0
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16hh :: 3 (Orangemoon) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Watermel0nBob
#3



It was such a relief to hear his voice. She was worried he had up and run right out of the Edge and off to other places to hide for awhile. Who knows when he'd be back if that were the case. As soon as she found the form hidden in between the trees she smiled happily, the relief evident on her features as she closed the distance and offered her muzzle to his, smiling and looking at him as she always did. This was Mauja, and though he was probably still recovering from his meltdown (was that a good word to call it?), he still managed to hold his usual air of neutrality. She turned to face him now, searching of his eyes of blue with her own hazel, hoping to find something, anything to explain just what had happened back there. Maybe he would tell her, and maybe she would be left forever curious. It was always a flip of a coin it felt like.

" I suppose you won't explain to me what happened back there, though maybe it isn't my place to know," she began softly, watching him for any sign of reaction, hoping that he would enlighten her, to reveal a small self about him that she wouldn't always have the opportunity of getting and tucking away safely into the recesses of her memories. It was worth trying though, wasn't it? She looked into the sky through the trees calmly, wings fluttering in thought upon her spotted frame, before she was looking back into those emotionless eyes and continuing," But I figured I would ask. I do care for you after all Mauja. Whether or not the feeling is mutual is something I can only leave up to you." She smiled wryly, giggling gently as she held no offense for if he didn't. As long as he kept her company every so often, she would learn to get over how he felt and the way he acted towards things.

" A-Although... that wasn't really all that I wanted to talk about," it was now time to talk about her problems, as selfish as it seemed to be, to reveal her embarrassing moments and perhaps mistakes? It was enough to make her wonder if perhaps she should focus on Mauja now and how he was feeling, not her own private affairs. She had to tell someone though, about the one-night stand and the blood rushing through her at the exhilaration of doing something so bad. She studied him for a moment, wondering if he was even in the right state of mind to handle such an interesting topic. She never really knew with him. Swishing her tail nervously she cleared her throat, looking down and shuffling her hooves, hoping that he would perhaps tell her what was on his mind before she had to explain her own predicament. One could only hope.

OOC:



MYRRINE
Life's too short to live simply

semperfeisty | xxtgxxstock @dA | leeorr-stock @dA | jerry oldenettel @ flickr


@Mauja
Any force is permitted aside from death or maiming
PLEASE TAG ME IN POSTS! :3
Ascended Helovian

Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize & Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage Neo
#4
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
I shouldn't let you get any closer—

He was full of sparks inside, little irrational things flitting listlessly about beneath his skin (—drifting like cinders from a fire). And he couldn't trust them, those flickering shadows haunting past, present and future—a cold, callous darkness with no sense of right or wrong, no morals, no standards, just a whirl of teeth and knives. In that darkness lurked the leashed beast, the one which dogged his every movement; he could kill her, and not miss her, because he did not miss her even when she was alive. He did not miss anyone, not really, not until he paused and thought about it and then it gripped his heart, hard and harsh, until he forgot about it again—

Little by little, day by day, night by night, Mauja began to realize that his world was not their world. He did not move to the same music. I missed you—where did you go?

It was just a facet of it, a tiny portion, a thread curling its way uncomfortably through his broken excuse of a life.

She was smiling. She was bright. She seemed as youthful and innocent and exuberant as ever, a trait he wondered if age would dull; if she were put through what he had put himself through, would she still come out of it smiling?

But he still smiled, too, a small little thing curving his dark lips, hiding the worn teeth and conveniently forgetting the taste of how many ever skins it had been between his teeth. Breath, life, still smoked from his nostrils in white clouds. Blood still ran beneath his skin.

(So, then, what is immortality?)

"I suppose you won't explain to me what happened back there, though maybe it isn't my place to know," and his blue gaze, silver in the moonlight, shifted to the trees beyond them. "But I figured I would ask. I do care for you after all Mauja. Whether or not the feeling is mutual is something I can only leave up to you."

His silence spoke the words his voice could not.

You didn't ask anything.

But to be so .. childishly literal... Like gods, what had he expected, honestly? All he'd done was land himself in a situation he had to explain, because no one who had seen it had understood a single fucking thing (well, maybe except Tembovu, but it hurt to think of him, it hurt it hurt it hurt—). Had he for one moment thought Tembovu would stab him to death, then and there? Stand by as blood splattered onto Myrrine, as his body collapsed beneath the plummeting of his blood pressure?

"There is little reason to madness," he finally said, voice light in the darkness, his tone touching the words with a caution one might treat the enraged with—as if looking too deep into them could cast some of that insanity back.

She forged on, though, and his eyes roamed from the trees to her body, her eyes. So, her reasons for seeking him out had, in part, been less altruistic. And whatever that was about, her behavior was enough to inflame even the bones of the dead with curiosity. Her tail swished (a snap of his eyes—), her hooves shimmied through the fog. He could practically hear the nervous fluttering of her pulse.

"What's the matter?" he asked her, gently, marveling at how well he imitated himself.

(Maybe it was just an act all along—)

[ @Myrrine ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here

Myrrine Posts: 179
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 5.0
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16hh :: 3 (Orangemoon) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Watermel0nBob
#5



The only response she got aside from a small, crooked smile was,"There is little reason to madness." It was enough to make her ponder if Mauja decided to dismiss her technical question, or if he honestly didn't know the answer to it himself. Hazel eyes were left to watch blue ones intensely, to let him seem to figure out things in his own mind while also half listening to what she had to say. Only when did she begin to explain she wished to address one of her own issues with him, did he suddenly come to full attention. It seemed that he preferred to ignore his problems in favor of listening to others. Perhaps this was a twisted sort of coping mechanism. When the spotlight was on her and only his genuine question left his lips, did she finally look away in almost shame. She couldn't explain it, couldn't figure out what it would mean for herself if she were to actually tell him what happened.

Who else could she even go to for advice? The only "girl" figure she had had been able to talk to was Kahlua, but the mare had been gone for quite some time. It made her momentarily miss her, who she was and what she had been as Queen of the Edge. It had been a happier time for the spotted girl. With soft eyes looking anxiously into Mauja's ones of hard ice, she finally found the words to explain her... predicament," To explain it is rather... difficult for me. I hope you can be patient with me. I suppose it's easier for me to start out saying that I have been going through a rough patch in my life. Granted... it's not that long of a life to begin with, but I have been facing difficulties." Was this even relevant? It was in a way, but perhaps Mauja wanted a shorter explanation than what she was offering. If she wasn't so worried about what he would think of her after all of this was said in done, she thought that perhaps this wouldn't be as difficult.

" Anyway..." she paused, taking a large breath and giving herself time to articulate what she was going to say next," The reason I mention this is because... I met someone whilst in my state of confusion and uncertainty."

Swallowing hard she looked at him apologetically, almost laughing in nervousness because she couldn't for the life of her just spit it out. Letting her wings flutter swiftly on her back, she finally took a long breath and continued in a slow, hesitant tone," I thought that; after speaking with him and trying to sort my emotions; that having erm... relations; with him, would help clear up my frazzled thoughts." She felt so filthy, dirty and unbecoming. Unable to really hold back the guilt, confusion and frustration, she stomped a hoof, doing her best to hold back the tears. She was tired of crying over everything; tired of feeling like she was being backed against a brick wall and had nowhere to go. She was done with the crying victim act, of simply shedding tears and people feeling sorry for her. She didn't want to be felt sorry for, she didn't want to always be that innocent little girl that either smiled at everything or cried because she just "had it so hard."

If anything it made her mad, made her wanna kick a tree and scream and tell the world to make it stop. So she did. She fought against the tears and instead snorted in frustration, turned to the nearest tree and kicked it as hard as her dainty little foot could. It hurt after she did, causing her to hop in it for a minute and nurse it, before finally looking sheepishly back at Mauja as he most likely had witnessed her entire display of emotions. It was enough to make her giggle nervously, to look up at him and to sigh heavily. She didn't know what to do. She didn't even know if she wanted advice from the spotted man before her. Perhaps she just needed someone to confess to. It had liberated in a way that was for sure. Looking into his eyes, searching for an answer, she finally spoke again in a softer tone," I just... don't know what to do now..."

OOC: She's a mess and this post is awful. I'm sorry.



MYRRINE
Life's too short to live simply

semperfeisty | xxtgxxstock @dA | leeorr-stock @dA | jerry oldenettel @ flickr


@Mauja
Any force is permitted aside from death or maiming
PLEASE TAG ME IN POSTS! :3
Ascended Helovian

Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize & Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage Neo
#6
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Unbury me

He didn't even know what he was doing there. Had someone ever called on him before, because they wanted his advice? Mauja wasn't someone you went to for advice, because.. what sort of advice did he have? Advice on how to fuck yourself up? He had been trusted a few times in the past, given insight into bleak backgrounds and dark hopes and thoughts, but.. common, simple, day-to-day advice? He just wasn't that guy, he.. he.. he was just that stoic, silent thing lurking on the edges. Why would anyone think he had enough sense to give advice?

But despite the confusion permeating his foggy brain, there was warmth in him, a little fire burning in a distant corner of his heart. Did she trust him? What was it she had said earlier, even? I care for you—

He was often called 'friend', but he seldom felt like one. And here Myrrine was, saying she cared, saying there was something she wanted to talk about—with him, and her hazel eyes were soft with anxiety and worry and his own blue ones were sort of cast into a slowly blooming light. "Granted... it's not that long of a life to begin with, but I have been facing difficulties." He held his tongue, but he wanted to say, the length of one's life does not dictate the suffering; one could suffer deeply but briefly, or go through the long, harrowing process of a slow withering...

She would have time enough to suffer, but what she experienced later did not contradict the fact that she had suffered now.

And he knew how difficult it was to speak of things—like pulling the deepest, filthiest corners of your soul into light, voice choking on all the dust and black, guilty grime covering those carefully tucked away moments.

He had felt like that, speaking before the council of his old home. He had felt like that, speaking of it for the first time to his younger brother. He would still feel like it, should he try again, so he didn't.

It's easier to not speak of it at all.

"I thought that; after speaking with him and trying to sort my emotions; that having erm... relations; with him, would help clear up my frazzled thoughts."

Relations? Relations? "What—" he began to say, but her face looked so.. taut, and her breath was growing harsh, and before he knew what was going on she had kicked a tree and was hopping on three legs. What the? He could sympathize with the feeling but he didn't have a single clue what was going on, and slowly, as she lamented that she didn't know what to do now, his mind spun back to what she had said. Erm relations. Obviously she felt .. guilty about it, somehow? Like she hadn't wanted to confess it

He began to have a vague notion what she meant by it. Unease reared its ugly head in his belly, slithered out like snakes into his veins, and the veil slipped back into place across his light blue eyes.

It seemed to add up—her agitation, the whole 'seek out for advice' (great job picking an elder man for that, I don't need more fucking fuel for this fire), pussyfooting around the subject, the confusion...

"I take it it didn't clear up your frazzled thoughts," he said; his voice sounded distant in his ears, as if it came from far away, and not from him, not from that lonesome creature with a heart thundering in what could only be called fear. It sounded like a waterfall in his ears. "But how do you feel about it?"

[ @Myrrine don't apologize <3 ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here

Myrrine Posts: 179
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 5.0
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16hh :: 3 (Orangemoon) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Watermel0nBob
#7



He took everything she said in almost nonchalantly (at least in her mind that's how it appeared), and watching him respond in which the way he did made her question if her anxiousness about the entire situation was even valid. Was she really just crying over spilled milk so to speak? Were her concerns ones that were just a thing people felt after giving their virginity away to a complete stranger? Before she could answer herself Mauja spoke, striking a chord within her. She looked up into those blue eyes once again, before hesitantly nodding. If anything the entire encounter only left her even more confused. Swishing her tail she looked away, sadness in her eyes as she still didn't know where to go from there.

To her relief she didn't need to though, because soon he questioned her, made her sit down and think about how she felt. Looking at him to acknowledge she heard him she then looked down to think, letting all of the emotions and thoughts cross her mind all at once to help her filter through and see just what was it that she primarily felt. She'd be lying if she said she didn't like it, he had certainly known his way around a woman and even for her first time it was something she had thoroughly enjoyed. Although she had a feeling that wasn't the answer Mauja would want to hear. So instead she delved deeper into the thoughts rampaging her mind and studied them, analyzed every one tediously. After what felt like hours, she finally resurfaced into reality to look at Mauja again, a look of seriousness upon her spotted expression as she spoke thoughtfully," I can't entirely explain how I feel honestly. I guess... I like him, but I don't think I would ever do; it, again."

That was the best way for her to describe it. He had been kind to her, sweet and honest, even made her feel like she could confide in him. Which she did, and then it had escalated into something she thought neither of them had actually expected to occur. But that was really it, when it came to Quilyan. She couldn't clearly see herself with him in the future, couldn't imagine a life with the painted prince, or even little ones running around them as they experienced their own "happily ever after".  Yet deep down she felt this underlying guilt, that not only had she done something impure, but she had betrayed something; someone. That was when the image of emerald eyes flashed into her mind, the silver pearl of a maturing coat and delicate maw stroking the side of her neck. All at once memories of him were flooding in, filling her soul with anguish because she had betrayed him and who he was, what they had been. But, they hadn't been anything. They had just been kids with childhood crushes; shy, tender kisses upon each other's cheeks and nights where they would stare at the stars for hours.

Then how come did it kill her inside knowing that she had been with someone else first, and not him. Part of her felt that the moment she had shared with Quilyan had meant to be his. It would have been different; gentle kisses and tender touches. She imagined he would have been slow, gentle and careful with every action taken because that was how he was, how he would have been if she had given him the chance. This thought by itself was enough for the tears to fall, for her to bite her lip and to whimper. Sniffling, she looked to her companion once again, trying so hard to keep calm, but it just hurt so much that she couldn't help but simply cry.

" I feel guilty too... that I'm a dirty whore that should have kept her legs shut. Because he wasn't the one and I know he isn't because the man who is I can't keep out of my mind. But he isn't here and I don't know if I'll ever see him again; but I took away our moment, what we would have shared if I hadn't been so fucking stupid!" she sobbed, curling into herself and refusing to look at him, fearing he was just as disgusted with her as she was. She was no better than the dirt beneath their hooves, she didn't deserve to get his advice or his comfort. She had betrayed her first and only love, had broken something they could have had, and that was enough to break her on the inside entirely. How was she supposed to mend something such as catastrophic as this? Looking up at him again, with a hint of fear as to how he would response, she sniffled, searching for an answer in those blue eyes as she whimpered," Do you think he'll ever forgive me...?"

OOC:



MYRRINE
Life's too short to live simply

semperfeisty | xxtgxxstock @dA | leeorr-stock @dA | jerry oldenettel @ flickr


@Mauja
Any force is permitted aside from death or maiming
PLEASE TAG ME IN POSTS! :3
Ascended Helovian

Mauja the Frozen Light Posts: 1,392
Outcast atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2 :: 14 HP: 79.5 | Buff: HUNTER
Irma :: Snowy Owl :: Terrorize & Diego :: Eurasian Eagle-Owl :: Rage Neo
#8
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Fragments.

A spin of voices, the murmur of conversations since long forgotten; warmth pressing against his chest, cushioned against someone's spine—

Scents, sensations. Doubts. Confusion; fear. His heart always thundering, as if it could outrun the inevitable (—because he never knew that he had a choice). A stampede in his chest as his mouth spoke lies, twisting and curling, trying to stay on top of the game while burying himself in ten thousand feet of snow to curb those savage desires.

Just one of the many rifts between body and mind.

Myrrine was staring at the forest floor, leaving Mauja to stare at the forest itself. Pines, decidedly different from the scrubby spruce and mountain birch of his northern home, reached for a distant sky, roots digging deep, holding on in the face of storms. The even pace of his breathing belied the chaos raging beneath his skin. He was rigid under the snowy pelt, muscles pulled taut and stiff, heart hammering.

He felt sick. With the memories. With the feelings it evoked in him. He wanted to gag, but he was a horse, so he damn well couldn't. Instead, he just stood there, eyes lying to the world as they stared through the forest.

Of all the things she had chosen to speak of .. of all the things she had chosen to do .. he could only hope her distress would blind her to his, that she would not see the harsh planes of his coiled muscles and see that he was poised on the brink of running.

(But you can't outrun your mind.)

It felt like an eternity before she looked up again, her dainty, dished little face turning upon her spotted neck to throw her hazel eyes at him again. Never before had he felt so threatened by someone so small, so loving. He swallowed, hoped it went unnoticed, and forced one of his ears to turn forward towards her. And what she said wasn't surprising; if it had taken him this many years to realize what he felt about the whole damn circus, why would she know after just one time?

But it seemed like there was more to it—of course there was. There always was. If it was just the semantics, the whole thing of bodies merging (just the mere concept of it made him shudder; it was disgusting and sweaty and yucky).. then it would've been easy. The problem was that somewhere, at the other end of your body, you had a head with a brain attached. That's where the problems always started.

She was far more honest than he had ever been. Tears began to slide from her eyes, and it broke—what?—something in him. There was a second when the world glitched out, where his heart paused to draw breath to resume its screaming. Everything went quiet.

And then, it came back, a low roar going through his ears as he managed to take those few, stumbling steps forward to close the distance between them. "Myrrine..." he whispered, softly, hesitantly, barely aware of the broken name tumbling out of his dark lips as he reached out to touch his muzzle to her neck. What was it with this seemingly so simple act that drove people to madness and ruin, guilt, doubt, regret..? He had no answers, nothing to offer but the steady touch of his soft nose, his ears for her words, and the shelter of his body (but he was beginning to smell of fear and anxiety).

She spoke of guilt.

He knew guilt.

But her guilt was different: she felt guilty about having done it with someone else. He felt guilty about having done it to himself at all. She felt guilty about having taken something she wanted at the time, giving in to primal need (curiosity?) and shattering some of her dreams.

What if life would be kind to you for once, and let you keep your dreams intact..? And even make them all come true? A soft sigh, quivering slightly with suppressed emotion, ghosted out across her neck. "I don't know," he responded quietly, trying to hunt down his own thoughts, but they ran like startled deer hounded by his own fear. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about any of this. "Only he can decide whether or not to forgive you." His upper lip was twitching against her soft coat, and there was nothing he could do stop it. "And, I think.. you need to forgive yourself. And the dreams that you lost."

His muzzle left its place against her neck, blue eyes turning back to the forest. There was a burning in his throat, a painful constriction around his heart; he blinked a couple of times, tried to draw deep, even breaths to make the choking lump in his breast go away. "Do you think he's still alive?" Mauja finally asked, his voice soft.

[ @Myrrine ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here

Myrrine Posts: 179
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 5.0
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16hh :: 3 (Orangemoon) HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Watermel0nBob
#9



Her name was broken escaping his lips, and soon said lips were upon her neck. She turned to him suddenly, smiling sweetly at him and happily accepting his embrace. Moving slowly, she rotated so as to face him directly, returning his affection with a tender touch to his shoulder. It was when their skin touched did she feel the taught sinew beneath his coat, coiled like a spring ready to release. Pausing, wondering if she should give him space, dainty skull turned to look at him quietly, only questions in those hazel depths. He was hiding something, not wanting to worry her but having an unspeakable fear about something she had said; perhaps about the situation at hand. Flicking her gaze away from his she removed her muzzle from him, but remained close enough so his muzzle could remain on her neck.

Perhaps his attempt to reach out was for his sake, and not hers. Yet she continued to explain, the tears still falling as he remained right there, not showing any signs of pulling away. In this moment he was like an anchor for her mind, holding her down as her imagination tried sailing away in the vast blue of anxieties, and for that she couldn't help but be thankful. Despite this she wanted to understand his nervousness, the hidden fears that were hidden away beneath that emotionless expression of his. How badly she wanted to see some sort of emotion come across that face. Sure, he had smiled at her before, yet had they truly been genuine? I don't think any emotion Mauja had displayed on his expression was truly genuine. Except... before he had run away from Tembovu. That hurt and betrayal; that had been the most expressive she had ever seen him.

Part of her almost felt jealous that he couldn't be that comfortable with her. Brushing aside her selfish thoughts, the spotted girl instead took this time to continue watching him, studying his expressions as he seemed to take in everything that she had said. No disgust was written on his features that she had feared would be, nothing showing that he was even upset, just the standard Mauja persona. How long could he keep that act up anyway? A sigh was the first sign that he was still with her and their conversation, the second his voice echoing through the trees. Watching him in total silence, only her ears showed she was paying attention to what he had to say. The tears began to dry upon her cheeks, no longer replenishing themselves with her sorrow. What was left was thoughtfulness, her mind and soul taking what he had said to heart; because he was absolutely right.

Only Cerin could forgive her, and perhaps the day would come in which he would, but until then, she would need to wait. To forgive herself for what would happen... she didn't think she could until Cerin had. Would he actually forgive her? Probably. Would everything be the same as it always had been? Absolutely not. Their relationship would be forever changed, and that's what hurt the most out of all of this. To redeem what she had done would always be at the back of her mind, longing to do whatever she could to show him that she really didn't mean it. She would take it all back in a heartbeat, continue to feel like she was living behind a mask if it meant Cerin and her could be what they had always been. Even if he was gone with no clue as to when he will return, even if she may never see him again would live the rest of her life behind that mask of sunshine, she would do it for him; because she loved him.

Mauja's next question caused her ears to instantly flicker towards him, just noticing that he was no longer caressing her neck. Turning to face him, she almost laughed at his question, but instead only offered a wry smile. How could she really answer that anyway, because in truth she had no idea. It was simply a feeling that he was alive... maybe not well, but alive nonetheless. Though it wasn't the best question, she understood why he would ask. People wonder if at some point if you should just give up, or keeping hoping that one day the ones you loved would return to you. Hadn't she done the same with Mother? After some time she finally found a way to form her answer, looking to him with a clear look in her eyes.

" Though I would say that isn't the best question to be asking, all I can say is I don't know," she began, nudging him gently in a joking manner, before finally growing serious and speaking softly," But just because I don't know, doesn't meant I've given up hope. Somewhere deep inside I can just tell that he's alive out there. He'll be back when he's ready, and I will happily greet him when he is." There was a bittersweet tone to her voice, and only after breaking the eye contact and looking into the trees did she continue," I had accepted that Mother was gone, because we are in two different worlds now, and she will never be back. Cerin well... I doubt he would ever go too far without me. We were always sewn at the hip it seemed." Laughing lightly at the sweet memories, she gained the courage and looked back to the older man next to her.

" It hurts, not knowing what the next day might bring; especially since I don't know if he'll be back or not. But I'm not going to assume the worst of him by saying he left me because... I just couldn't forgive myself if I did," there was a silence, almost hesitant, before she finally gained the courage to ask the question probing at her mind," Why are you so nervous Mauja? You can trust me... can't you?"

It almost hurt her to ask the last part, because she had always trusted this man, even before they had been introduced. She had placed her heart on her sleeve time and time again, had cried into his shoulders and told her life story, if that didn't express her trust than what would? Though she understood just because someone trusted you, it didn't mean you automatically trusted them back. But then what was it that she had done to make her come off as untrustworthy? She would do anything for Mauja, because she cared about him more than he probably knew. He had been her friend in dark times, and though they don't see each other as much anymore, she still considered him someone important to her, and he would always be one of her closest friends. She always said she had accepted that he would never feel the same way, but seeing him now, seemingly anxious and terrified (she could smell in on him like cheap cologne), she wasn't okay with letting him get away with it. If he could talk to Tembovu, then why not her? Was it just a guy thing? She could act manly if it made him feel more comfortable... Maybe that was going a little too far.

She was expecting an answer though, looking into those eyes curiously, determination peeking through as she almost dared him to dance around the subject. She wasn't going to back down this time, not after all he had done for her. She wanted to be his rock for once, to help him get through the pains he had in his life. From what she has seen from his actions so far, Mauja is a man that holds many secrets, ones that more likely than not are killing him inside. So why couldn't he... just this once... let someone share that burden with him. But she couldn't figure out the mind of Mauja, but in all honesty, he probably couldn't either.

OOC: Lots of rambles, Myrrine's done with these games xD



MYRRINE
Life's too short to live simply

semperfeisty | xxtgxxstock @dA | leeorr-stock @dA | jerry oldenettel @ flickr


@Mauja
Any force is permitted aside from death or maiming
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#10
somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
She touched him.

Her plush muzzle brushing lightly against the rigid planes of a snowy shoulder, pressing briefly against the taut mess of sinews and stiff muscle. And in that moment, he knew that it was over. He didn't know why it was always Myrrine—was she simply keener than the rest? Or had the lack of fortune to always land him in the middle of a subject he didn't care for? Or did everyone read him like a book, but knew that he tried to hide it, and politely obeyed the rules of the social game? Either he fooled them, or he didn't, but they let him be, buried in his ice. But Myrrine never did. Myrrine always turned her clear hazel eyes on him, saw the shield laying over his eyes and knew that it wasn't the bottom of his soul. She knew that there was more beneath it, and for some reason, she wanted that. She wanted to lure it to the surface, and if that failed, she just brought up a figurative lance and jabbed him in the eye, hoping to get through his fragile, crumbling defenses.

She pulled back, and rather quickly too, but he knew that she knew but even so there was nothing he could do; he couldn't just breathe out and relax because she knew he was a fucking mess. No. He just stood there, his eyes as pale as ever, dark muzzle against her thin neck, breaths just a tad too deep and slow to be convincingly relaxed.

Though, he didn't know whether to be relieved or not that she didn't pounce on him then and there—ever since that day on the beach, she had shown curiosity about the Mauja-beneath-the-shield, and this.. this.. now it just hung over him, because any moment she'd turn back upon him and say 'what the fuck is wrong with you?'. So, he actually closed his eyes, listening to her response, to her gentle chiding, and he would've flinched at her touch had he not already been so tense. And no, maybe it wasn't the best question, but it was a question that damn well begged asking; for all that he knew, the last time she'd seen this Cerin he could've been dragged away by angry demonic bears! Which, naturally, drastically lowered his chances of still being alive.

"Sometimes they leave you because they have to," he found himself saying before he knew it, thinking of the green, bamboo forest and the sight of his best friend walking away from the wreckage which had been his daughter, "and it didn't have anything to do with you." But he didn't really have the chance to elaborate, to get lost in the winding maze of his own heart-crushing memories,

because there it came, the thing he had been waiting for, and it was so much more pitiful than he had expected.

"Why are you so nervous Mauja? You can trust me... can't you?"

Trust. So it was about trust, and not about fear, not about the way his heart was shrieking just beneath his skin and the blood sang in his veins, and he felt fucking light because his hooves wanted to take off and leave this earth and never come back to its dirty, filthy, greedy, grubby surface. His eyes, still closed, pressed shut harder.

"It's not about you," it's more about me. She came asking for advice, and it turned out to be about that thing, and what was he supposed to do then? Tell her to go find someone else to get advice from, because he didn't want to think about this particular thing? Because he had avoided thinking about it for so long that now it was just an instant fear response? And anyway, if he went full-out honest, wouldn't she just blame herself even more? Thinking she'd tricked whoever it was into doing bad deeds with her and that it left him, too, with PTSD? Or think herself even worse and filthier for having done it? She had expressed regret, guilt, shame, but it seemed more keyed in to the whole I-betrayed-Cerin thing and less with I-did-the-thing.

"This.. brings up.. memories. Thoughts." He spoke through gritted teeth, flailing about in the darkness, looking for the best way to explain it without explaining it at all. And, at the same time, wondering why the fuck he was even trying because who was she to him

But that was the kind of thing he didn't want to think. He was done with lashing out in fear, if he could avoid it. "Conflicts which are very .. real, to me. Haunting. And it's just—" His snowy neck bent, head turning away, eyes still shut as he fought down the urge to say 'if you love Cerin, don't fuck him'.

"—overpowering."

[ @Myrrine ]
somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me
angels, they fell first, but I'm still here


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