When I opened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was that it was late. Why I had awoken, I was not sure, but somewhere deep in my subconscious, nervousness stirred. My dreams never lingered for long, leaving behind only fleeting emotions and paranoia. Who knows what I say or do in my sleep? I shook my head, sending cream-colored locks flying; bracing my front legs in the sand, I lunged to my feet. Surprisingly, perhaps, this rather ungraceful movement was silent; none in my immediate vicinity moved. I did not often sleep lying down, as I preferred the easy flight of a standing nap, but on this chilly Frostfall night, lying down had proven slightly warmer. The sand had held the heat of the sun, and although it was not warm, neither was it cold. It had been welcomed when I first lowered my bodice to the grains, but with the disappearance of the daily orb, the warmth, too, had left.

Perhaps this was what had awoken me, along with a sudden assault of a winter wind. I shivered, suddenly awake. A blast of cold will do that to a fae. Now that I was awake, I looked around me, seeking another's company. Something about this cold night made me want a friend to spend it with. I knew that the morning hours would be easier, and somewhat warmer; however, I also knew that there were many long hours until dawn yet, and I could not quite shake my unease.

A movement at the edge of the watering hole caught my eye, and I found myself moving eagerly toward my herdmate. As I approached, I spotted familiar wings, ebony- and pearl-splotched body, and those telltale golden orbs. A smile crossed my maw. Midas. He had been very kind when he had first brought me to the Throat, and should he desire to stay up, he would be good company for what would otherwise be a lonely night. As I approached, I nickered softly; not enough to wake anyone else, but an easily heard sound nonetheless. It was more polite to alert him to my presence. Alongside him now, I dipped my own maw into the cool liquid, savoring the cold taste even as it sent shivers through my bodice once more. It was one thing to be outwardly cold, and another to let the chills inside. "I see I am not the only one who cannot sleep," I murmured, now stretching my neck to give a friendly nudge to my friend's shoulder.

[W/C | 423]

It seemed like only yesterday that our kind general had brought me to this oasis, just in time for Frostfall and the chilly nights that accompanied it. At the same time, however, it seemed as though seasons had passed since I had last seen him. There had been so much to see in this strange new land, and so much to do, that I had spent the majority of my time wandering instead of making new friends. And then there was still the buried fear that the herd would cast me out after the next blackout. I hadn't had one yet, thank the gods, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't. I had gotten my hopes up before, but ultimately it was only a matter of time.

He nipped at my forelock, a friendly greeting, and I smiled; even in the dark, the expression would be visible to him. "I suppose I am settling in just fine," I replied, low tones pleasant and cheerful. "I have yet to seek out Onni, but I intend to in the near future. I hear she has been busy lately, and I don't wish to disturb her." It would be safer to discuss my future in the herd rather than my fear of a lack thereof. I would much rather my imagination be used to fill in my new life instead of coming up with ways I could ruin it.

[W/C | 236]

I was not surprised to hear tell of a battle; whispers had, of course, been circulating since it had been fought. I was not one to condone violence, but I was glad to know that we had not lost any in the fighting. I had not even paid close attention to the reasons the invasion of another herd's home; had they done something bad? Or perhaps an outcast band had simply become power hungry? In any case, I was surprised that they had been so easily expelled, with no loss of life on the side of the invaders. I was glad to see that Midas seemed relatively unhurt, and just as kind and confident as ever. It was a welcome personality, and his was a friendship that I cherished, though it had only recently bloomed.

I smiled. "I do hope so," I told him in response to a comment regarding Onni's willingness to train me. As he assured me that I could ask him any question, my thoughts drifted to the secret that I still kept close. What would he say if I were to tell him of my affliction? Would he have an answer, a cure? Or would he regard me with the same horror as all the others have, then cast me out? It was a risk that I did not care to take, though in my heart I knew that I should. Someone would find out, sooner or later, and I was rather inclined to think it would be sooner. I hadn't had a blackout in days, which was rather unusual. It was a constant fear in the back of my mind, which is why it had emerged so easily now.

Another question. "I haven't been able to meet as many as I should," I admitted sheepishly. "I am not the most social of mares, I'm afraid. I'm rather shy." My lashes lowered over chocolate orbs as I studied the ground demurely. I knew that I should have introduced myself, been more outgoing. Surely the herd had seen me by now, but they hadn't gotten the chance to know me, which was my own fault, of course. But why should I get to know them, when I knew full well that they would banish me once I had a fit in the coming days. They would not stay away forever, and with the next one, I would surely not be allowed to stay... would I?

[W/C | 408]

"...a promising spirit..."

Of course I heard all of his words, as it would be impolite for me to ignore what he had to say. And I enjoyed his company, much as I had when we had first met in the Threshold. There was a certain warmth that I felt when near him, a subtle feeling that spread out from my breast into my limbs, pleasant, but not overbearing. So I did not tune out all but those three words, but they were the ones that stood out to me. It shouldn't be hard to imagine why: my spirit is far from promising. Dark, perhaps; sinister, maybe. Not promising. I had never been promising. It was for this reason that I resisted the urge to laugh, though I could not help the small smile that graced my features.

My eyes raised to meet his, chocolate brown to brilliant gold. How dull I was in comparison to such a majestic steed. For not the first time, I found myself intensely jealous of those with wings, even those with horns, though I'd heard rumors that their kind was not particularly friendly to outsiders. I pushed the envy aside; there was no use in it. I could no more change my body than I could change my mind, as unfortunate as my fate may be. My gaze held his as he mentioned beginning work, and my smile softened, a true one now rather than a wry grimace. I wished that I had not let that brief emotion slip onto my features, but it was done now. Time to move on.

I hoped that once I started working, I was not too busy to find time to spend with my friend - I considered him a friend, perhaps the only one I had as of yet in this strange land. But a thought: what would I do when I blacked out? If they looked for me, and I had disappeared, what would happen then? So many conflicting emotions, so many conflicting thoughts. How in the world was I to muddle through this on my own? "I suppose you are right," I agreed. "Though I must ask: will I still have time to myself?" I offered to reason, no explanation, and I rather hoped that one would not be needed. It was too complicated to explain to myself, much less someone else.

[W/C | 397]

"To be honest, I actually know very little about the art of healing, Tamira. I’ve never had to be nursed by one before."

I smiled, and I knew that my expression mirrored his in softness. "You are lucky, then," I told him, my vocals sweet as I touched my muzzle to his shoulder. He was indeed lucky. He was strong, a natural leader, and skilled in the things he knew. I counted myself lucky to consider him my friend, perhaps my only true friend here. A thought occurred to me, and I added quickly, "Or perhaps just very skilled." After all, it couldn't be luck that he had jumped through the ranks to become a general. He must be very good at everything included in his position - though I knew very little of all that.

But I did find myself considering what all he would have to give up to retain his rank. After all, it would be very different from the life of a simple trainee, as I would surely become. I would be reliant on my senior, Onni, and perhaps some of the more advanced medics-in-training. But for Midas, he was that senior that everyone else would rely on. He was in charge, he was the problem solver. So what kind of free time would he have? Midnight meetings at the watering hole such as this? Freedom that only came when he lacked the ability to sleep? Perhaps not - after all, I hadn't been here long, so I supposed I hadn't seen all there was to see. But if that was his life, I admit, I didn't envy him at all.

Then again, he seemed content, or as content as any in that position. "It seems that our respective talents and skills will be rather complimentary, once I gain mine," I joked quietly, my eyes sparkling with fondness. My former confusion was gone, for now, as I forged onward in our conversation. Perhaps this was all I needed: a calming influence, one to reassure me, even if he didn't know the full truth. "But for now, I'm afraid that you are much more interesting than I." The smile was once again upon my maw, and it was a smile of camaraderie and friendship. I rather liked our General.

[W/C | 383]

The first reaches of dawn were becoming evident in the east. The stars were beginning to disappear, winking in the distance, fading until they were no more. The sky, a deep indigo in the west, faded across the half-globe to a dull grey, except for the very beginnings of gold on the horizon. Day was soon to break, and I hadn't had much sleep. Yet, I felt oddly rested. Our general had a very calming effect, or so it seemed to me. My chocolate orbs observed the changing scenery with serenity, then made their way back to Midas' face. I'm sure that the amount of peace emanating from me was similar to the waves of heat from my body in this cold Frostfall.

Despite this, his words saddened me. Why must the world be so obsessed with war and hatred? Why can't we simply agree to disagree? Why can't we get along? Why was a general a necessity? Why was my position-to-be so riddled with bloodshed rather than simple illnesses and birthing and the like? I shook my head. "The world is a backwards place, I fear," I murmured, almost to myself. And then, louder now: "I hope for a day when such talents as yours and mine are simply stories we tell to keep our children in line." A small smile at the thought of a family graced my lips. I had always wanted a family. But who would grant such a wish for me?

[W/C | 246]
[OOC | Ick. I'm so sorry.]

I can't imagine the strength that it would take to fill Midas' hooves. His steadfast dedication to not only his own blood-family, but also to his herd-family, was truly a blessing, and one I'm not sure that others would give with the same fervor. I began to understand how the Qian had been able to drive the racist unicorns from their herdland (though I still could see no reason for it). And now, I could rest easy knowing that the painted stallion was watching over me, and the rest of us. I smiled at him, having no words, but simply the expression of agreement. "We are lucky to have you," I told him kindly. I was beginning to feel the effects of my sleepless night, and I could not stop the yawn that forced my jaws to open. Sheepishly, I glanced away; it was rude, where I came from, to allow yourself to do such things. "I should sleep, I suppose," I admitted with a slight smile. Yes, some sleep would be good, and then I could wander. That was the blessing I had for now; no job and so infinite ability to meander through the lands.

[W/C | 197]
[OOC | End it here, perhaps?]