the Rift


[JUDGED] ignore remorse [Erebos vs. Rikyn]

Erebos Posts: 474
Aurora Basin General atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.1hh :: Four HP: 75.5 | Buff: DANCE
Orsino :: Plain Kitsune :: Dark Illusions & Enyo :: Common Griffon :: Draining Clutch Heather
#1
EREBOS
[Continued from here.]
 
Spars had always been tests for him. He tested himself to see how far he’d come, how far he still had to go, to pursue strength, to become devoted to power, to avenge fallen comrades. He tested his opponent, to see how far they’d ascended into dominance, to try and puzzle over an enemy’s abilities, to wonder, to pry, to glance at the finesse of warfare.
 
But he’d never battled a friend.
 
How far was he supposed to go? How much was too much? Did he really intend to mark his companion in blood? Did he seek to destroy the other, like he’d done to Ashamin (he’d hadn’t known it was him, down deep in the labyrinth’s gutters)?
 
This was Rikyn, his brother in arms, mountains, peaks, and valleys. No matter how far he traversed, no matter which crusades he chose, the prince always cherished the Engineer’s son.
 
A part of him was nervous, obliging, but still anxious about the notion. What if he hurt him? What if he went too far, ran his blade down the length of Rikyn’s larger frame, peeled him away, sinew and marrow and flesh, on a spit of anger? On a twist of doubt? On a taste of revolution and rebellion? On a hint of jealousy?
 
What would Rikyn do as they combatted? Would he seek to obliterate Erebos as the skirmish waged on, as they fought for namesakes, for titles, for who was better than the other? Would they compare, size each other up, for pending endeavors? For who would lead the way in ruling the world?
 
The questions hung in the air, tense and apprehensive, pooling along his veins and movements as he maneuvered in the cavern haze, in between hollows of shadow and plains of magma light. His motions echoed upon stones and resounded off the walls, being sneaky, being stealthy, was not in today’s cards. Orsino, on the other hand, took advantage of the poor illumination, settling into a pocket of darkness until he was necessary.
 
Go, boy!, the fox dictated through their connection, incapable of understanding the unease and concern Erebos had for the other. He hadn’t cared too much about the others, even those carrying the same icy banners. They’d plagued and fought, crawled and slithered, kicked and bit until each was torn and bloody.
 
None of them were Rikyn, he funneled through the bond, and the sable kitsune grew silent.
 
His opponent was bigger, well-muscled, amassed in brawn from days of adventures and wandering; there wouldn’t be an opportunity to shove him into a wall like he’d done with Rexanna, to brush and force him away, back into dungeons and catacombs. In measures, in depths of control, the youth merely attempted to reach across the void on a swift stride, trying to approach Rikyn’s left shoulder on a whim, extending his cranium in hopes of biting, nipping, slowly, carefully, on bits of flesh and pelt.
 
An eager, fervent portion of him prayed this wouldn’t tear them apart.



[Erebos vs. Rikyn Teaching Spar.
1/3. 500 words.
Setting: Continued from http://helovia.net/showthread.php?tid=23479
In Heart Caves, along towards the opening. Near the burning fire pit.
* I started because it seemed right? ;D
* Erebos attempts to come at Rikyn’s left shoulder, biting towards it.]
Image Credit


Teaching Notes:
 
I’ll start you off on what to think on, since we don’t have anything going yet. XD
 
Think On:
* Surroundings: How can you incorporate the caves into your post? The darkness? The lava? :D How could they potentially effect the battle?
* Attacks: Use directions? How is Erebos built compared to Rikyn? How can you use this to your advantage?
* Damage Taken: Ha, if any. Remember, it doesn’t always have to be from the attack. You could incorporate the surroundings that way.
* Emotions: How does Rikyn feel about sparring Erebos? What made him offer?
 
Looking forward to this! Should be fun! :D

@Rikyn

Rikyn the Puppeteer Posts: 549
Aurora Basin Lord atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.3 :: 4 HP: 70 | Buff: SWIFT
Duir :: Royal Cerndyr :: Earth Spirit Bunnie
#2
Яikyn
Even as we pulled away from the danger of the falling fire, into the clearer heart of the cavern, I couldn’t help but inwardly delight at both the thought of sparring Erebos, and our future adventure to the Falls – of which, he could be assured, I’d drag him to whenever the itch to be threatened by some big boss or another grew too strong.

With any luck, the two of us could toughen up enough between then and now that we could hand the big boss their ass, instead of the other way around (the number of times I’d been bloodied for my nosiness conveniently left out in the stories I’d shared).

I thought of how much I had learned, what I could show him, and as I ran my golden eyes across his figure again, looking at him as an opponent rather than a friend, I couldn’t help but wonder what he could teach me, too. It’s the first time I’ve noticed the amount of muscle layered over his frame, how he seems built to bludgeon in all the ways I’m streamlined for speed. I can’t help but wonder if all that muscle means he can take a few more hits than me, too.

He’s quiet, almost like he’s nervous, as we square off. I’m all bounce, unspoken laughter lighting up my face as I make eye contact with him, the red light flickering across our faces, our man’s bodies. Maybe I should be nervous, too. Maybe I should be worried that he’ll go too far, that I might slip on all this stone debris at hoof and hurt him, or he I; that we will leave this cavern irreparably separate, and changed.

All I can feel is the hot rush of my blood as it thunders through me, too roused by the notion of fighting a true equal, the only I’ve ever faced, to bother with dark thoughts of brotherhood lost. For the first time since we were children, playing Knight, our small weapons brandished under a mountain’s shadow, we’ve the chance to pit our bodies against the other, and I feel that same childish elation move through me in an anxious rattle.

"Come on, then!" I jest with a laugh, a half second too late as Erebos’ hooves come to life beneath him. My own are spurred by the sound of his cloven blades against the stone, the enthusiasm brewing within me sizzling against the brim and threatening to overflow.

The enthusiasm cost me; as our bodies come together in a glorious melding of pure unicorn power I am forced to accept that I may have charged with too much speed. There is not enough time to pull away from the reach of his teeth, nor enough to avoid my right hind ankle kicking violently into one of my left fore hoof as I skitter gracelessly to a pseudo halt, leaning into our battle embrace.

Dumbass, I think to myself, hope he didn’t notice that…

The ankle throbs, a bright note over the swiftly flashing pain of his teeth grasp my left neck and shoulder in numerous places, dappling the flesh with bites despite the thick coat I’ve grown for Frostfall; the assault draws ridges of flesh upwards that bruise instantly, and sting like a thousand bee barbs have been left behind when he pulls his teeth away to bite down again elsewhere. I slap towards him with my horn as his teeth clamp down, a leftward strike, hoping to press its spiraled ridges into his fleshy right hip and return the favor of the raised bruises he’s making on my skin. His teeth continue to chomp down places (though I suspect he could bite me much harder than he has), leaving behind some four or five welts from my neck to my mid-back.

Throwing my weight to the left as I pull my head and horn up and out of the way, cautious to keep the honed tip of my rapier away from my heart brother’s skin, I make a single leaping motion forward, hoping to plough my shoulder into his side or rump. With the loose gravel under foot, there was a good chance I could send him spinning, or at least throw his guard off somewhat if I actually manage to knock into him. Pulling, the skin around my new bite marks makes it feel like there are smaller Erebos mouth’s continuing the work he’d started, but they are small pains, nothing in comparison to how the broken ribs had felt.

1/3 | 758 words
[ OOC: :D eeeeee *throws them on a Ship and sails away* ]

in every heart a hole
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Wishlist - Plots

Force/violence is allowed to be used on Rikyn permitted it does not permanently maim or kill him (PM me!).

Erebos Posts: 474
Aurora Basin General atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.1hh :: Four HP: 75.5 | Buff: DANCE
Orsino :: Plain Kitsune :: Dark Illusions & Enyo :: Common Griffon :: Draining Clutch Heather
#3
EREBOS
There were so many things he wanted to say.
 
I missed you was one, and Where did you go? was another, but within the twisting convolutions of their world – with boys being boys, with heroes’ armor rusting, he was forced to say nothing.
 
The prince didn’t tell Rikyn that he cherished him, that he didn’t want to hurt him, or that he’d attempt to vanquish any foes sent his way. He didn’t spout I’m proud of you, even though he was, because Rikyn had gone and done all the things he wanted to do, and Erebos was still busy struggling to delve into how he was going to avenge all his fallen comrades. He didn’t simmer in jealousy, or wander his way through the envious, murky clouds plaguing his mind – only one last thought popped and boiled, incensed and curled against the back of his skull.
 
I don’t want to be left behind.
 
Did Rikyn care? Did Rikyn harbor any regrets or remorse? Was he ready to repent from the inevitable? Or was he simply fervent and eager for the fray, to fight, to harpoon, to scar and wound a friend?
 
But Erebos’ teeth gnawed on his companion’s flesh, Orsino rasped in between movements, and there were no harsh words exchanged, no brutal comments made, no tears shed. They were power and youth culminating amongst fire and brimstone, shadows and kings, playing court to predecessors and legends. All Erebos wanted was to ensure they were both alive at the end of it.
 
He was almost sickened to feel the pulse of Rikyn’s sinew within his ivories. Something coiled, noxious and nefarious, in the depths of his barrel and chest (maybe his conscience, lost long ago and suddenly reappearing when he didn’t require it), and it did nothing to spur him on.
 
Come on then! he’d proclaimed, echoed through the chamber, but the soldier didn’t feel it rustling through his skin or pulsing through his blood.
 
Then Rikyn struck, maneuvering and angling his horn, his sword, brandishing their chosen weapons, towards his right hip. Erebos wasn’t nearly as fast as the other, and despite his attempt to dodge, to sway, to gallop towards the left (escape his mind uttered, like a coward, like a vice), the sharp point of the bay’s rapier connected with his right flank. It was a sharp sting, a burst of light against his eyes, and a piece of hide flayed away, fell, lost. His evasion was successful at Rikyn’s second trigger of motion, escaping from the burst of movement with one of his own – advancing deeper into the hellhole.
 
But it could’ve been worse; he knew the way they both worked. He was aware of how much power they consumed, of how much they both yearned, craved, disaster, ruin, and chaos – yet, perhaps, not upon each other.
 
What are we trying to prove?
 
Who was better? Who was mightier? Who had the best incantations, who had the most gall? Who could beat and tear, rip and ensnare, without caring who they bludgeoned, who they destroyed?
 
Now you got it! sizzled Orsino, and the kitsune laughed through their connection, their void like a portion of blackened, Stygian hell, and the boy wanted none of it.
 
Enough, his mind said, but his body moved on its own accord, launching out his hind feet in attempt to strike out at Rikyn’s left side, to do damage to a blood brother, to pummel and devastate, maim and devour.
 
Then Orsino slipped amongst their dark cavern, twisted and deceitful, duplicitous and vexing, but Erebos didn’t tell him no, didn’t advise him to cease. They were just as wicked together, aligned and allied with the devil, as the rest of the world.
 
The fox rummaged through his invocations, and rumbled with a vibrant hiss, attempting to alter the scenery, the surroundings, for a more challenging proposition. The grounds, the caverns, appeared to quake, shake, shudder, and roar by their heads and beneath their feet, threatening to pulse, to crack, to flail apart, like a chasm opening wide, eager to swallow them whole.
 
Be careful! he wanted to cry out. Be safe! he wanted to scream – to whom, to what, was part of the chaos.
 
Still, he said nothing.

[2/3. 706 words.
* Erebos tries to dodge towards the left as Rikyn’s comes for his right side, but cannot evade it fully, and is cut along his right flank. He loses pieces of pelt and hair.
* He dodges the second attack by running forward.
* He attempts to kick out with his hind feet towards Rikyn’s left side.
* Orsino uses his magic to alter the surroundings – making the cavern appear as though it’s in the midst of an earthquake like phenomenon – including walls and ground shaking.]

Image Credit


Teaching Notes: Ahahaha, I’m so glad we did this!
 
What Went Well:
 
* Emotions: I really liked Rikyn here. He’s so…Rikyn. X) He’s always been a bold, sassy, little shit character, and I’ve enjoyed that about him. True to form, he doesn’t seem bothered in the least that they could beat the tar out of each other (black eyes!), and you don’t compromise this attitude at all. Especially: I thought of how much I had learned, what I could show him, and as I ran my golden eyes across his figure again, looking at him as an opponent rather than a friend, I couldn’t help but wonder what he could teach me, too. It’s the first time I’ve noticed the amount of muscle layered over his frame, how he seems built to bludgeon in all the ways I’m streamlined for speed. I can’t help but wonder if all that muscle means he can take a few more hits than me, too. and Maybe I should be nervous, too. Maybe I should be worried that he’ll go too far, that I might slip on all this stone debris at hoof and hurt him, or he I; that we will leave this cavern irreparably separate, and changed.
 
All I can feel is the hot rush of my blood as it thunders through me, too roused by the notion of fighting a true equal, the only I’ve ever faced, to bother with dark thoughts of brotherhood lost. For the first time since we were children, playing Knight, our small weapons brandished under a mountain’s shadow, we’ve the chance to pit our bodies against the other, and I feel that same childish elation move through me in an anxious rattle.
really sell me on the aspect that he’s in this for the glory, and hasn’t come to regret his choices yet. He lives in the moment. ;D
 
* Damage Taken: Ugh, the dreaded 6! The dice rolls like to have a go with all of us, but I thought you were very clever to not only take the bites, but also have Rikyn damage himself.
 
There is not enough time to pull away from the reach of his teeth, nor enough to avoid my right hind ankle kicking violently into one of my left fore hoof as I skitter gracelessly to a pseudo halt, leaning into our battle embrace.
 
Dumbass, I think to myself, hope he didn’t notice that…

 
I just liked it. X)
 
You were also very detailed in where you took the damage, how it felt, etc. Make sure as the fight goes on to continue mentioning the pain and how its impacting Rikyn’s movements. If he already has a throbbing ankle and all these distracting little bites, how does that determine what he does for attacks? Defenses?
 
To Work On:
 
* Battle…Schematics: There was a portion that confused me, probably because I had a different idea of positioning in my head. As Erebos comes towards Rikyn’s left to bite, you have Rikyn attempting to slash towards Erebos’ right hip, which makes up for some interesting angles/directional challenges. It might have made more sense for Rikyn to go for Erebos’ left (maybe the shoulder/neck/chest area?). I had Erebos dodge towards the left so the attack was still taken, but its just some food for thought.
 
Overall, honestly, I didn’t have much else to add. I thought your attacks were easy to understand, minus the direction piece mentioned above, and you’ll be able to utilize surroundings more in the coming posts. ;D
 
To Think About:
 
* Surroundings: I had Orsino do this mostly for practice in utilizing surroundings. I know I have a difficult time with it, so now you get to work on it too! How does Rikyn feel about the sudden change in the battlefield? (Am I the only one excited to have them almost fall into an imaginary hole? :DDDD)
 
* Pain: Who knows what this dice roll is going to be, but like I mentioned before, pain and fatigue are going to be a huge piece on the realism scale. How does Rikyn’s pain alter his plans?
 
Good luck! I’m loving this!

@Rikyn

Rikyn the Puppeteer Posts: 549
Aurora Basin Lord atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.3 :: 4 HP: 70 | Buff: SWIFT
Duir :: Royal Cerndyr :: Earth Spirit Bunnie
#4
Яikyn
A small blade of guilt cuts my heart as my horn does the same to his deep blue pelt; despite having sparred with other friends in the past, they had not been the friends that had been given access to my most intimate hopes for what I might become. They were not Erebos, my first friend, my only true comrade. It is probably less than would strike me should I strike Aithniel (a girl, my sister, flame and ash, not Erebos, the General Lord’s son, made from steel and shadow), but it still makes me gasp in apology as he pulls away. Our dance rattles staccato deeper into the heart of the caverns; the dark edges that are not illuminated by the ruddy glow of the fire falls edge closer.

I hadn’t meant to, I wanted to say, I had only meant to bruise you…

His backwards punching hooves steal the words. It’s not a bad hit, my left shoulder feeling a dual crescent bruise rising beneath the coffee of my pelt as they land, but I can’t help but wonder if maybe he’s holding back more than he would against someone else. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind that Erebos would timidly approach this spar, afraid to shatter a relationship that nothing could destroy. It hadn’t crossed my mind that, maybe, I hadn’t done enough to ensure him that, come Moon’s curses or Time’s flux, we would always be the sort of friends that others were envious of.

I pull away from the impact of his hooves, counter clockwise, my thoughts now lured by the tempting thought that I had found a weakness in my brother… and if that weakness might just be me.

It makes the sudden twist and jolt of the world beneath and around us that much more poignant, Orsino’s magic grabbing hold; feeling my stomach clench, the buck I’d attempted to lock and load is stilled in the sudden tumult (an odd ripple of convulsions puckering my skin). Instead of kicking out, I linger in place for a brief moment, some measure of confusion writ across my face. That confusion quickly blooms into outrage, my eyes narrowing in condemnation of nature and its nefarious ways.

Of course! Of course we’d have an earthquake now, while I’m fighting Erebos!

The pinpricks of his bites are even more aggravating, my ears pinning down to my head as I pull myself together with a simple thought: if we’re going to die falling into the Heart of the World, so fucking be it. Sounds like the best way for two legends like us to die, anyway. So, I try my best to compensate for the violent pitch of the world around me, a bark of laughter almost defying the illusion the little fox casts on me with the sound. Even when the earth cracks wide and yawns, its dark heart beckoning, I chose to ignore the sensible fear beating at the back of my head.

"The world trembles in awe of us!" I jest, laughing as I always seem to want to be around Erebos.

My shoulder cries out as I tilt my weight forward again for a buck, a pain that seems smaller than it might once have, my muscles having met worse wounds in their short life. Still, it’s not pleasant, and my laughter is stolen by the gritting of my teeth, my hind hooves hopeful in their swift dart to the right, an almost sidelong and swift gesture. It’s kind of hard to keep track of where he is in the shaking state of the world, and I don’t take time to look for him as I jump forward a step, angling the leap clockwise. I kick out again, the shoulder’s complaints slightly louder this time, curious as to whether or not my hooves will meet air or Erebos’ sinewy side. The buck is more meant to keep him away while I plot my next steps, but someone like me can’t help but hope for luck, even against someone who’s supposed to be his best friend.

As soon as I’m able, my legs try to pull me back around to face him, my golden rapier to his ice tempered steel blade, an eager light burning in my gaze that we might be like the ghosts of the past, the ancients whose words were etched in the walls of stone around us. I want to fill this cavern with the sound of our parries and blows, the deft dance of the unicorn. I hope he sees that light in my eyes, and rushes to meet me with his blue steel.

What finer two were there in all the world, after all?

2/3 | 785 words
in every heart a hole
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Wishlist - Plots

Force/violence is allowed to be used on Rikyn permitted it does not permanently maim or kill him (PM me!).

Erebos Posts: 474
Aurora Basin General atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.1hh :: Four HP: 75.5 | Buff: DANCE
Orsino :: Plain Kitsune :: Dark Illusions & Enyo :: Common Griffon :: Draining Clutch Heather
#5
EREBOS
They were rolling flames and cast-off shells of shadows, legends in the making, princes and thieves, musketeers and brigands, showing the world what they wanted, what they could be. But even in the distorted cataclysm, even amidst the squabble, the skirmish, the heat, the dust, the debris, the wreckage and ruin, Erebos was tied and knotted in too many directions.
 
I’m sorry, he yearned to say, as the waves of crumbling rock were cast into delusion after delusion, while Orsino shouted at him throughout their connection Who cares!, and the entire thing continued to unravel in one ridiculous mess.
 
He’d always wanted to fight alongside Rikyn. There’d been dreams of grandeur tucked between their boyish, mercurial adventures – where they’d march upon empires and face down opponents, laughing, snickering, smirking, a plague upon every house and kingdom. They’d take over the world, one realm at a time, feared and idolized.
 
Dueling against his childhood friend had never been in the picture.
 
The world trembles in awe of us!, Rikyn had proclaimed, and the blue boy could feel Orsino laugh. Not in this state!, he rasped, grated, and hissed, almost defiantly twisting against their bond, almost instigating over and over again, and Erebos so desperately wanted to fight it all away. 
 
It was harsh and brutal, unrelenting and treacherous, rancorous and bitter. The sentiments tore against his mind as Rikyn maneuvered towards him, closer and closer, and the scion faltered, stumbled against the moving, ricocheting floor. His dodge was pathetic at best, legs shaking, trying to grapple with the intensity and confusion of the earth’s treacherous movements, and his brethren’s hooves landed along his right shoulder in a smarting bruise. More pain flared as he snorted, as he tried to contain the barbarous layers of agony, misery, and frustration piling on top of him. In all the mayhem, in all the perplexity, the rocks tumbling, the ground threatening to gape open, he managed to miss the second round of flying limbs in a stumbling, fumbling leap. Still, the little fiend simply wanted to go home.
 
Enough, he beckoned again, but received no answer besides another hiss, another torrent. He was so tired, tired of everything pummeling and firing against him, the aches and pains, the brutality and condemnation towards a friend, the way in which he couldn’t find the urge, the kindling, to try and destroy someone who meant so much to him.
 
His heart wasn’t in it, and he knew that wasn’t fair to Rikyn.
 
It should’ve been, because he’d always wanted to become better, stronger, and more powerful than everyone else. He wanted each and every realm to shudder at the sound of his name, at the quake of his motions, at the stories and legends he’d one day write. He wanted them to know the depths of his prowess and the layers of his potential; how they’d rue the day they ever harmed his kin, scarred or obliterated one of his own.
 
But Rikyn had never done any of those things. He’d never wronged him. He’d never scorned him. One day he’d just left him behind.
 
The same haunting thought pervaded his skull, again and again, like a vice, like a sermon, like a disastrous chord sung by sirens. Maybe I’m just not good enough.
 
Their eyes met, Rikyn’s full of joviality (for the spar? For the skirmish? To watch him whittle away?), and Erebos’ full of nothingness, revealing naught but feeling everything, too much like his father, too much like his mother.
 
On some unseen, unknown drive, perhaps ghosts, perhaps monsters, perhaps demons nestled, curled, and coiled within his blood, the tired beast, with his right side throbbing, lowered his skull, brandished his blade, and attempted, amidst the clamor, the disarray, the turmoil, to run it down the length of Rikyn’s left side.
 
Forgive me, he ushered, mouth parted on the smallest, slightest whisper. 

[3/3. 646 words.
* Erebos attempts to dodge Rikyn’s kick/buck, but with the rattling floor and his wounds, he’s incapable of truly escaping. He earns a bruise along his right shoulder.
* He attempts to run his sword down the length of Rikyn’s left side.]

Image Credit


Teaching Notes:
 
 
What Went Well:
 
* Emotions: I still think you know Rikyn so well, and it shows every time you write a post with him.
 
Some of my favorite passages were: A small blade of guilt cuts my heart as my horn does the same to his deep blue pelt; despite having sparred with other friends in the past, they had not been the friends that had been given access to my most intimate hopes for what I might become. They were not Erebos, my first friend, my only true comrade. It is probably less than would strike me should I strike Aithniel (a girl, my sister, flame and ash, not Erebos, the General Lord’s son, made from steel and shadow), but it still makes me gasp in apology as he pulls away. Our dance rattles staccato deeper into the heart of the caverns; the dark edges that are not illuminated by the ruddy glow of the fire falls edge closer.
 
I hadn’t meant to, I wanted to say, I had only meant to bruise you…
They resonate so strongly together. <333 Stupid boys.
 
The pinpricks of his bites are even more aggravating, my ears pinning down to my head as I pull myself together with a simple thought: if we’re going to die falling into the Heart of the World, so fucking be it. Sounds like the best way for two legends like us to die, anyway. So, I try my best to compensate for the violent pitch of the world around me, a bark of laughter almost defying the illusion the little fox casts on me with the sound. Even when the earth cracks wide and yawns, its dark heart beckoning, I chose to ignore the sensible fear beating at the back of my head.
 
"The world trembles in awe of us!" I jest, laughing as I always seem to want to be around Erebos.
So Rikyn, to laugh everything off. XDD
 
* Damage Taken: Phew, we’re finally getting some low rolls in! I was very pleased with how you responded to the roll, taking into account the amount of damage that would be necessary for a 2. I also thought you did a good job of portraying past wounds and assaults. Make sure to continue mentioning them in terms of how they affect Rikyn’s movements, attacks, and defenses.
 
* Surroundings: Aha, yay, you used them! ;D I like how it contributed to the overall confusion of the movements, where they were heading, where they were going, and kept up the realistic aspect of all the uncertainty.
 
To Work On:
 
Battle Schematics: I was confused again, because this may be my poor comprehension, about where Rikyn was in accordance with Erebos. While this is fine in terms of realism (I mean, c’mon, we have a fake earthquake occurring here), I still wanted to know where he was headed in relation to my character – you had him kicking out to the right and leaping and then kicking out again and I still wasn’t entirely firm on where everyone’s placement was.
 
Still, it’s not pleasant, and my laughter is stolen by the gritting of my teeth, my hind hooves hopeful in their swift dart to the right, an almost sidelong and swift gesture. It’s kind of hard to keep track of where he is in the shaking state of the world, and I don’t take time to look for him as I jump forward a step, angling the leap clockwise. I kick out again, the shoulder’s complaints slightly louder this time, curious as to whether or not my hooves will meet air or Erebos’ sinewy side. The buck is more meant to keep him away while I plot my next steps, but someone like me can’t help but hope for luck, even against someone who’s supposed to be his best friend.
 
I think the best thing to do is to keep it simple. You could always say he kicked out towards Erebos’ right (eliminating powerplay by stating intention, rather than telling me exactly where Erebos is supposed to be, etc.), and I can figure it out a little better. If I don’t know where he was originally, leaping clockwise doesn’t help me. XD
 
Otherwise, I still thought this was a nicely, well put-together post.
 
Grammar: Captain-Nit Picky comes to town!
 
"The world trembles in awe of us!" I jest, laughing as I always seem to want to be around Erebos. Laughing should have a comma after it, so it appears as: I jest, laughing, as I always seem to want to be around Erebos.
 
Only thing I really noticed. ;D
 
To Think About:
 
* Keep using those emotions!
* Staying on top of your directions. Depending on what you’d like to do, I’ve pictured the boys in a left to left fashion, but its always your call. ;D
* Utilizing surroundings.
 
Keep up the great work!

@Rikyn

Rikyn the Puppeteer Posts: 549
Aurora Basin Lord atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.3 :: 4 HP: 70 | Buff: SWIFT
Duir :: Royal Cerndyr :: Earth Spirit Bunnie
#6
Яikyn
Sweat slakes down my sides, stings the open wound on the back of my ankles, and strikes the hot stone beneath us before it is almost immediately evaporated. I wish it would do the same on me, the dust riddled air growing in heat the longer we dance, and like a siren, the temptation of the cool air in the side caverns so nearby almost overwhelms my sense to fight. Between where to put my hooves and chasing the sweet lure of cold air away from me, I do not notice the cruel, cackling face of the fox, playing his shadow games, and I do not notice the emotional toll all of it seems to take on my blade brother. All I notice, as I hunker back down my attention using the sound of Erebos’ snort as a guide, is the thrilling song of my heart, and how it fills me with a sort of powerful, controlled peace that a boy could only dream of.

Our eyes meet in the charge; the deep, midnight oceans I’ve come to know as friendship are almost black in the dim, ruddy light. There has always been sadness in his eyes, sadness that I think belongs to Huyana, and, now, Arwen. I do not think of his lost ones so much as I know, and expect, this depth of heaviness to my friend, his somber evening to Aithniel’s brilliant morning having shaped the conundrum that is me, the remnant afternoon. It blinds me to his apology as he runs towards me; as his blade lowers for use, my own golden rapier tilts for blood, my cloven step clattering on the tremulous earth.

Yes! laugh my eyes as a grin parts my lips, like true warriors!

As we come together, his blade reaches towards my left; instinctively, my body pulls away to the right. Compensating, I lift my front hooves off the dark stone, curving my neck and shoulders towards his passing figure in a hope to strike the tip of my horn along his right side. It’s a good counter move, and even if it misses, I’m proud of myself for having thought of it, feeling a smirk rise to my lips as I kick out my undamaged leg for the hell of it. Relishing the relief of pressure on my damaged ankle, I’m satisfied (and surprised) to notice that Erebos’ blade misses its mark, finally piecing together his lack luster blows and brooding looks in the proper equation.

Is he not having fun?

Or…

Is he afraid to hurt me?

I almost roll my eyes as I come back down to earth, wondering why he’d bothered to accept the fight if he was just going to let me win. It’s frustrating, because I know how much can be learned from an opponent who knows you well, who can figure how you’ll react, just how to stir your temper… that he possibly hasn’t even been trying makes me want to yell at him, despite having been laughing only moments before. If he can’t fight me, how was he supposed to be able to fight for our empire? Sometimes, people you care about get in your way, and you have to put them down. An ugly truth, but one I’d been told of early on, one I’d expected.

Maybe mother wasn’t such a shit parent, after all.

Swinging my ass about in a youthful tantrum towards the left, I grit my teeth against the pain of my minimal bruises and nicks, and kick out at the Reaper’s son with all my hard feelings about having been short handed in this fight by a man’s womanly sentiment. Part of me hopes it hits him right in his stupid, girly side, but another really hopes he’s well out of reach, because I’ve just thrown every ounce of strength I have into an impulsive assault; even if I am really upset with him, I think I’d be more upset with myself if I hurt him badly.

I guess it’s that thought that calms me down enough to not immediately shout at him as I pull away from him. My ears are pinned in a grumpy, boyish fashion as I turn back around to face him.

"Are you even trying?" are the words I settle on with an irritated swish of my slender tail; the question is accusing, despite not being said at anything louder than a normal speaking voice, and the radiant echo about the cavern comes across as more mocking than I’d meant it to. Something softens in my face in exasperation of never being able to say anything right, a hoof slamming into the ground in frustration. "We’ll never be Kings of anything at this rate."

3/3 : 792 words
[ OOC: Thank you so much Heather for the really helpful notes and the always wonderful interaction between our Basin Brat Princes. <3 ]
in every heart a hole
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@Erebos

Erebos Posts: 474
Aurora Basin General atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.1hh :: Four HP: 75.5 | Buff: DANCE
Orsino :: Plain Kitsune :: Dark Illusions & Enyo :: Common Griffon :: Draining Clutch Heather
#7
EREBOS
He was tired, so tired of this gambit. There was no effort in the chase, no honor in the fight, no fatal twist in the schism. The boy just wanted everything to be over.
 
Even his movements had been sluggish, listless, lethargic, half of them made on prayer, the other portion on pure instinct. The prince could hear Orsino yelling, grumbling, hissing at him through their connection, but his voice seemed muddled, mired, rooted too far into his lifeless haze. His attack missed too, swindled and caught, ensnared and tethered into the rumbling catacomb. The disappointment stung just as badly as all his other wounds.
 
Rikyn maneuvered too quickly, too fast, for him to utilize any other strategy but running. The boy strived to gallop forward, out of range, out of reach of the swinging horn, the glowering hoof (as if they were tipped with poison or frustration; he could feel it all flickering around the cavern), but the floor, the ground, continued with Orsino’s dastardly tricks. While he’d missed the initial plunge of Rikyn’s sword, he stumbled, ceasing his advance, and felt the graze of a hoof glance off his left hip, plucking away at more bits and pieces of hair. It smarted like everything else, the bruises, the scratches, and the combination of their sweltering, aching nettles pounded through his skull, through his body, as he struggled to rise from the undulating ground.
 
Then, instantly, it seemed over – the fox’s illusions disappeared, leaving the caves the way they’d been before, cracks filled, echoing ceased, fire glowing in the distance. A sigh of relief left his body, made its way through his lacerations, his agonies, piercing this way and that as they lanced along his right flank and shoulder, as they stretched their gnarled fingertips down the length of his left hip.
 
But Rikyn’s rage wasn’t.
 
His tired stare (heavy, everything felt heavy) became fixated on the pinned ears, the bold gestures, the haughty irritated features that had always symbolized Rikyn. He didn’t even bother to feel content or mad, dispirited or saddened. The lad just listened to the curses spinning, to the wrath curling. Are you even trying? he spewed, he accused, he rattled, and it all seemed to reverberate through his head. “No,” the scion whispered back in honesty, allowing it to grow and expand through the hall. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” I never have, he lamented.
 
Didn’t feel the same, Orsino plucked into their bond, and Erebos looked away from his friend – wondering why it was always him that seemed to get the brunt of their damaging moments. Rikyn never seemed to care, and Erebos seemed to care too much.
 
He’d fought because Rikyn wanted to. He’d fought to please his fellow devil. He’d fought because he’d wanted to prove himself – but even that sentiment faded off in the end.
 
The prince’s final words stoked their finale, stare riveting back upon his bay companion, holstering their lost determination again. “I wouldn’t want to be a King without you.”

[3/3 + 1/1 defense. 504 words.
* As Rikyn comes for him, Erebos attempts to race forward and avoid his attack. He misses Rikyn’s horn and initial kick.
* However, he stumbles on the ground, and Rikyn’s hind comes to graze his left hip, removing more pelt and hair.
 
Final Injury Report:
* Cut along his right flank.
* Bruised right shoulder.
* Lost hair/pelt on left hip.]

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Teaching Notes:
 
What Went Well:
 
* Emotions: Aww, be still my heart! Rikyn is so wonderful in the way you portray him. Always true to form. I especially loved these lines:
Our eyes meet in the charge; the deep, midnight oceans I’ve come to know as friendship are almost black in the dim, ruddy light. There has always been sadness in his eyes, sadness that I think belongs to Huyana, and, now, Arwen. I do not think of his lost ones so much as I know, and expect, this depth of heaviness to my friend, his somber evening to Aithniel’s brilliant morning having shaped the conundrum that is me, the remnant afternoon. It blinds me to his apology as he runs towards me; as his blade lowers for use, my own golden rapier tilts for blood, my cloven step clattering on the tremulous earth.
 
Is he not having fun?
 
Or…
 
Is he afraid to hurt me?
 
I almost roll my eyes as I come back down to earth, wondering why he’d bothered to accept the fight if he was just going to let me win. It’s frustrating, because I know how much can be learned from an opponent who knows you well, who can figure how you’ll react, just how to stir your temper… that he possibly hasn’t even been trying makes me want to yell at him, despite having been laughing only moments before. If he can’t fight me, how was he supposed to be able to fight for our empire? Sometimes, people you care about get in your way, and you have to put them down. An ugly truth, but one I’d been told of early on, one I’d expected.

 
"Are you even trying?" are the words I settle on with an irritated swish of my slender tail; the question is accusing, despite not being said at anything louder than a normal speaking voice, and the radiant echo about the cavern comes across as more mocking than I’d meant it to. Something softens in my face in exasperation of never being able to say anything right, a hoof slamming into the ground in frustration. "We’ll never be Kings of anything at this rate."
 
See! I had a hard time choosing which one I liked the most. ;D Writing out Rikyn’s emotions in battle are definitely one of your strengths – so keep utilizing it whenever you can!
 
* Surroundings: I really liked this bit: Sweat slakes down my sides, stings the open wound on the back of my ankles, and strikes the hot stone beneath us before it is almost immediately evaporated. I wish it would do the same on me, the dust riddled air growing in heat the longer we dance, and like a siren, the temptation of the cool air in the side caverns so nearby almost overwhelms my sense to fight. Because it really showcased the setting, how stifling it could be, etc. You could’ve pushed even further and used it to show how Rikyn might be getting tired, how it may be pushing him to stop, etc.
 
* Directions: Ah, thank you! I knew exactly where he was headed this time. Even indicating that simple line of: Swinging my ass about in a youthful tantrum towards the left, I grit my teeth against the pain of my minimal bruises and nicks, and kick out at the Reaper’s son with all my hard feelings about having been short handed in this fight by a man’s womanly sentiment. gives me a chance to note where Rikyn is and where Erebos could be. Very helpful!
 
 
To Work On:
 
* Attacks/Timing: I had to reread some paragraphs a couple times to catch all the attacks. I believe I counted three? They were all within the same timeframe too – horn slashing, then a kick, then another kick, all seemingly as Erebos was passing by. You’ve got to give your opponent a chance to do something besides dodge all your attacks (though I realize this is a final post ;D). They will not be standing in one spot for you to ream on them (I would hope XD).
 
There was an odd directional piece to this paragraph too: As we come together, his blade reaches towards my left; instinctively, my body pulls away to the right. Compensating, I lift my front hooves off the dark stone, curving my neck and shoulders towards his passing figure in a hope to strike the tip of my horn along his right side. It’s a good counter move, and even if it misses, I’m proud of myself for having thought of it, feeling a smirk rise to my lips as I kick out my undamaged leg for the hell of it. Relishing the relief of pressure on my damaged ankle, I’m satisfied (and surprised) to notice that Erebos’ blade misses its mark, finally piecing together his lack luster blows and brooding looks in the proper equation. - If Erebos is coming from Rikyn’s left, how can Rikyn get to his right? Is he launching over the side? I was a little puzzled by this. Sometimes I find using models (BREYERS :DDD) or my hands (to figure out where everyone is) very helpful. It’s easy to get muddled in the confusion.
 
* Pain: I would still think about pain from prior attacks, tiredness, etc. as your having Rikyn move around. Its especially pivotal in the final post, because this is the last time the judge will read about everything that has impacted your character. Constantly moving around with various attacks strewn about isn’t showing how Rikyn is affected by the battle – he should be somewhat limited because of pain or injuries. Maybe his strategy has changed (much like when he didn’t use his damaged leg to kick out, which I thought was clever, but then he did later on?). Did his shoulder hurt when he forced all his weight on it again to kick out?
 
Phew – and now we’re at the end! Thank you for doing this with me, Bunnie! I really enjoyed the two knuckleheads. <333 Let me know if you want a follow-up thread or PM me with any questions you have.

@Rikyn

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#8

By my verdict: EREBOS is the winner!

Erebos
Realism [2.5]
You did a good job of considering previous experience (Rexanna, Ashamin) and you mentioned Rikyn's build (though it couldn't have hurt you to take this more into account.) I would have liked to see more recognition of the surroundings and how they affected Erebos and his decisions, it's important to remember the physical things and keep the reader grounded. As is, your attack (while smart and clear, particularly given his relationship to Rikyn) felt as if it were made in a void. You took way more damage than you needed to in your second post. Rikyn's damage isn't particularly high, and a 1 should be very minimal, so there was no need to have Erebos lose a chunk of flesh. You might not have meant it to sound so dramatic, but "flayed" is a pretty severe term. Your use of Orsino's magic (I think that's what this was, I would not have known for sure without Bunnie's response) in your second post was very unclear, and continued to be in your third post where it seemed like it was affecting Erebos as well and made it seem as if the floor was actually shaking and it wasn't just an illusion. I was also really missing the description of damage in your third post; it was there but slipped in barely, and you didn't address Rikyn's horn attack very well. That all said you took the damage in the closing defense really well and did a good job of thinking about how the rest of the fight would affect his physical state at that point.

Emotion [2.5]
The emotion was here right away. Your use of Orsino's calculated character as a foil to Erebos' particular weakness for Rikyn was masterful and helped convey why this spar is unique. This overlapped with your prose because of how you write and what you focus on when you do.

Prose [4]
You're a great writer and it shows. My major caution would be to make sure you are always clear and that you don't forget to talk about the more concrete aspects of a fight. Your emotion score is higher than your realism score for a reason, and it's because of your prose!

2/3: "I missed you was one, and Where did you go? was another, but within the twisting convolutions of their world – with boys being boys, with heroes’ armor rusting, he was forced to say nothing. "
3/3: "It should’ve been, because ... One day he’d just left him behind."
Some examples of where your skill makes something beautiful to read that contributes to the emotion you were working towards. Great job.

Readability [1.5]
There were a few times where your poetic style tripped me up in ways that can cause trouble when considering that this is a battle, so be careful with these and maybe just give things an extra run through sometimes if you aren't sure.

1/3: "Did he seek to destroy the other, like he’d done to Ashamin (he’d hadn’t known it was him, down deep in the labyrinth’s gutters)? "
Unclear and took several read-throughs. Maybe it was the he'd hadn't, but even so it wasn't clear what you meant. Also, grammar marks always go inside parentheses.

1/3: "on a spit of anger?"
This and the phrases that followed were where lyricism overtook clarity, and I wasn't sure what you meant entirely.

2/3: "But Erebos’ teeth gnawed on his companion’s flesh, Orsino rasped in between movements"
Careful of your use of companion here, it sounds like Orsino is the one hurt rather than Rikyn.

Finally tally: (10.5)*2 + 51= 72 HP


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Rikyn
Realism [2.5]
You did a good job of talking about Erebos' build, and particularly the surroundings. Noting how the rocks and gravel might affect the opponent was smart and showed you were thinking about the situation. You could have noted previous experience more; you mention broken ribs but outside of any context and in a way that further hurts your damage taking. Leading into... your attack made sense in your first post but your damage was taken strangely. Erebos' bites were specifically stated as being careful, so it was good to take damage from elsewhere (Rikyn's own hoof) but you didn't describe that second source of damage very much and overall it didn't seem as if they added up to a 6, which is something that should bother you throughout a fight. You also weren't clear when describing Rikyn's forward movement towards Erebos, so when you wrote that he contributed to their collision I was confused at first and had to hunt for where you wrote that Rikyn ran forward. In general, you can't be too clear. Your understanding of Orsino's magic was great and also considered the fact that they were in the heart, great job. The damage in the second post though just further highlights how strange your damage in the first post was, since the 2 rolled shoulder kick seems to bother him more than that hoof, which is irritated by some sweat in post 3 but not having weight put on it (your opportunity for showing the real damage of a 6.) When Rikyn is bucking it's his shoulder that he thinks of and that cries out in pain, not the more severe damage from post one. Your attack in this post and your last loses the same clarity of the previous ones since you're less specific with directions (even when you could be, not just because of the confusion with Orsino's magic) and his hopping forward while bucking to buck again is incredibly hard to visualize.

Emotion [2.5]
This spar showed the differences between Rikyn and Erebos. Rikyn might not be as emotional inherently, but given who Rikyn is you had the appropriate level of feeling and it showed. Good work.

2/3: "It is probably less than would strike me should I strike Aithniel (a girl, my sister, flame and ash, not Erebos, the General Lord’s son, made from steel and shadow), but it still makes me gasp in apology as he pulls away. Our dance rattles staccato deeper into the heart of the caverns; the dark edges that are not illuminated by the ruddy glow of the fire falls edge closer."
2/3: "I pull away from the impact of his hooves, counter clockwise, my thoughts now lured by the tempting thought that I had found a weakness in my brother… and if that weakness might just be me."
These was lovely. It reminded me why this spar has stakes for Rikyn, but also that he is a fighter at heart and there are only a few who he holds dear.

Prose [3.5]
Your prose was well written and true to Rikyn's character, well done! You had one small issue noted below but otherwise your grammar was on point.

1/3: "I thought of how much I had learned, ... It’s "
You switched to past tense for a moment here when you were otherwise in present, be careful because a quick read over can fix this.

2/3: "The thought hadn’t crossed my mind that Erebos would timidly approach this spar, afraid to shatter a relationship that nothing could destroy. It hadn’t crossed my mind that, maybe, I hadn’t done enough to ensure him that, come Moon’s curses or Time’s flux, we would always be the sort of friends that others were envious of."
This also contributes to your emotion score, but I put it here because it's particularly well written and I think a good example of how your style is a prime example of spare language peppered with more beautiful moments.

Readability [1.5]
There were just a few places where style clashed with clarity and I wasn't sure what you meant, so watch out for these spots since spars need to be crystal clear for judges.

1/3: "... – of which, he could be assured, I’d drag him to whenever the itch to be threatened by some big boss or another grew too strong. "
You lost me here, I read it more than once and I wasn't sure what Erebos was being dragged to. The falls or adventure? And what about big boss, who you mention more than once, what does that mean?

2/3: "feeling my stomach clench, the buck I’d attempted to lock and load is stilled in the sudden tumult (an odd ripple of convulsions puckering my skin)."
Wasn't sure what you meant here... and I wasn't sure either how Orsino's magic would have an effect on Rikyn's skin/body.

3/3: "I do not think of his lost ones so much as I know, and expect, this depth of heaviness to my friend, his somber evening to Aithniel’s brilliant morning having shaped the conundrum that is me, the remnant afternoon."
I could tell that this sounded nice, but I couldn't tell 100% what you meant. Remember to balance clarity with style.


Finally tally: (10)*2 + 43.5 = 63.5 HP


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