the Rift


[PRIVATE] The Breaking Point

Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#1
A S H A M I N
on his own


The night was silent enough for the dead. Ashamin, still breathing, thought he could hear too much.

His companions were elsewhere. The Clovenheart didn't know and he found that he didn't much care. His cave was in ruins, covered in the wreckage of his false earnings. A dagger here, a chunk of honey badger fur there...

He didn't give a damn about any of it.

As he moved to the back of the cave he wondered if the tunnel had gotten narrower or if he had gotten broader. His sides brushed against cold stone and his long tail dragged, creating an unfortunate rattling sound. The sarong draped across his withers came loose and unknotted itself; when it fell to the ground, he let it be pulled back towards the cave entrance by the persistent pull of the night breeze. He stepped on it carelessly.

And when he was finally at the end of the tunnel and facing the mirror, when he was finally in front of the place where for so long he had needlessly worshipped, he felt a deep cold sound strike in his chest. It was the sound of forgiving himself and condemning all those who had hurt him. It was the sound of the end of his era of biting his tongue.

It was not, he realized now, his fault that a child had died. It was not his fault that Ki'irha had turned from him as magic lodged himself in his breast. It was not his fault that the God of the Spark had ignored him for so long and then berated him when at last they'd met. None of the burdens he had carried, none of the things he had considered to be his undoing, were his.

He wasn't going to apologize anymore.

Scattered around the mirror were fading stains of Ode's passing impotence. The young stag was gone, and once again Ashamin was left behind. But he would not clean up this mess. He would not bow his head to the God that lived beyond the mirror and say please forgive me, because he did not need divine forgiveness.

"God of the Spark," was all he said. There was no love in his words, there was no starry-eyed look possessing his features. He knew what the stars read and he knew what his path was, now.

He would no longer go on as he had.

_______________





(table by Tamme)


Seasonal summons. @Mythical Request.


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead


God of the Spark Posts: 111
Helovian Ancient
Stallion :: Hybrid :: 15.3hh :: Ageless
Admin
#2

.....


God of the Spark




"Thought you'd be out chasing wolves."

The God did not appear from the mirror, but through a sizzling bolt of silent lightning somewhere behind Ashamin. His hardened gaze looked at the mirror and the rocks around it, no longer perfectly unmarred surfaces. He pushed his upper lip forward with his teeth thoughtfully for a moment, staring into the murky reflections. "At least someone likes that damned thing." He murmured to himself. A bolt of lightning arched suddenly from the tip of his horn and zig-zagged in the air towards the glass and the surrounding area. When it struck, surprisingly, it did not shatter. Instead the reflective surface began to glow with a white-hot blue light, as if having absorbed the electrical current. As the light faded and spilled out onto the ground, the mirror stood, once again in pristine condition. The rocks too glistened faintly with spark-light, and once that faded, were cleansed.  

The God only grunted. 

"So Haruspex," The God began, waiting for Ashamin to turn and regard him. Today he looked more discheveled than normal. His fur was patchy from the birdsong thaw, but his beard was more tangled and longer than normal. He slouched, leaning heavily on one hip. "What'll it be this time?" Would the unicorn want to know more about the wolves? Did they need help? Or perhaps the God would receive more bumbling questions about herd politics that he had absolutely no interest in? 

He exhaled.



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Image Credits
FOXX


Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#3
A S H A M I N
on his own


"Thought you'd be out chasing wolves."

The god's voice came from behind, undeniably there when surrounded by so much silence. Ashamin didn't turn at first but just stared ahead at that strange mirror which did not reflect and watched as the god cleaned it, muttered something in reference to Ode, and moved on. Ashamin was thankful for that, at least--the last bit of scum he wanted to talk about tonight was Ode.

"I don't give a damn about the wolves," Ashamin said curtly before turning to face the God. He looked ahead unflinchingly, matching the God's gaze. He was only a hand taller than the haruspex himself--had he always been so small? "Dealing with predators is the reaper's pet project. As far as I'm concerned he can go howl like a philistine until the end of time. I'll deal with the beasts as little as I have to for the sake of the herd's safety, and that alone."

But why do even that? Was it really his herd he was worried about anymore, or just a select few within it? Maybe Hotaru, and his golden son and his mother, but, the others... Ki'irha had turned from him when he'd reached out with his entire being, why should he stay for her? Deimos had never given him the time of the day, it wasn't as if it was the Lord that Ashamin felt particularly loyal to. And what about the God of this herd, the one that stood before him now?

How did he feel about him?

"Then again," Ashamin said with a shrug, "perhaps I should leave it all to them entirely. I fear that this herd needs and expects a past self of mine that's in desperate need of retirement." Permanently, he added quietly in his mind. This wasn't really the life for him, was it? Hadn't he proven he could be more, a monster and a warrior? Maybe even a leader?

"What about you? You don't need me, certainly not, but the herd... do you think they do?"

More importantly, a growing part of him thought, should I even care?

_______________



(table by Tamme)


@Mythical Request
(I don't think you need permission but you're welcome to read Ashamin's mind. Also it looks like a font tag in your table might still be open?)


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead


God of the Spark Posts: 111
Helovian Ancient
Stallion :: Hybrid :: 15.3hh :: Ageless
Admin
#4

.....


God of the Spark




I don't give a damn about the wolves.

The God raised a brow. It wasn't the character of Ashamin's comment that surprised him, but the content of it. Oh, he was a little surprised by the sudden flash of attitude from the Haruspex, but only because thus far he'd had about as much backbone as a limp fish. The God figured that the unicorn would probably come around. And if he didn't? Well, he probably would last very long in the Basin. That he was still around inclined the God to believe that the cold had strengthed his spine as well as sharpened his tongue.

Still, the God shrugged carelessly.

"You're the one who was all, maybe wolves can protect us, and maybe we can harness them, when last I was here." The God grunted. He couldn't have cared less than he did about the Basin's quest and their progress, but that Ashamin suddenly didn't seem to care .. well. That was interesting.

He listened, and the God's interest fizzled out into something like annoyed confusion. He cocked a hip and narrowed his steely gaze, trying to see through the Haruspex to the point of his little monologue, but found justification lacking. "So? Why should that matter?" He interrupted as soon as Ashamin said retirement.  "What the Basin wants and what they get are two very different things. You think they want to live in the asscrack of two mountains where it's constantly cold?" The God snorted, and then shook his head as if to cut Ashamin off from saying something to contradict him.  "And don't tell me they like the cold. No one likes the cold. They might like the snow, might like how everything looks like a kid took sparkle-glue and went to town on the trees,  but no one likes freezing their asses off all year round."

Point made, the God shut up and let Ashamin continue. 

What about you? You don't need me, certainly not, but the herd... do you think they do

The God sighed loudly, unable (and unwilling) to contain his exasperation. If Ashamin still thought that he was here to hold his hand and tell him everything was alright, then the God would just keep right on hammering that lesson home for him. He wasn't. Then again, who knows, maybe he was just stating the obvious. The God hoped it was that. 

Prayed it was that.

"No Haruspex I don't. Do they? Probably not." His beard trembled slightly as his teeth clicked together. "But that doesn't mean much. Something doesn't have to be necessary in order to be good. You don't need that tail of yours. You'd manage just fine without it, but that doesn't mean that having it doesn't come with certain advantages. Doesn't mean that you wouldn't be loathe to lose it, just because you could survive without it."

The God paused, grunting to himself thoughtfully as he considered what he'd just said. "You don't want to be here? Then don't be here. But don't stay just because those idiots may or may not need you. You were made for more than just doing what others expect of you."




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Image Credits
FOXX


Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#5
A S H A M I N
on his own


Ashamin liked the cold.

But no matter. The haruspex knew there was no point into getting into an argument with the God of this land, the very being that kept it so frigid, and perhaps The God of the Spark would ultimately end up being right. Did Ashamin really like the cold, or did he just like the comfort it gave him, the old memories of his homeland? Was he simply hiding here, in these white-topped mountains, to avoid the rest of his life?

Because surely there was more life to live than this, surely... and the God seemed to agree. Ashamin didn't expect that the God of the Spark had any care for him, but it was hard to not feel as if the advice that the deity dispensed was encouragement to, well, get out there. Get his own, after it had been so repeatedly taken from him and abused. The only problem was...

What would he do?

He still had his companions, and Ashamin knew that the two cerndyr were wedded to the Basin and its cold charms. Maren and Einarr might have been friends in the Dragon's Throat, but with his entire life spent in cold climes there was no way he could adjust to the warmth there. He had to be realistic. The Hidden Falls and the World's Edge were entirely unknown to him, aside from his trip to the Falls for their celebration, and he couldn't say he felt a particular pull to either locale. So if he were to leave, did that really just leave him with the wilds?

He wasn't afraid of being alone. Maybe he needed it. But his family? How would they fare? Rexanna would be fine on her own but Rein was still so young, and Hotaru... he needed to see Hotaru again. It had been too long. And it wasn't as if those he loved and had sired were his only connections. There were others. There were always others. And as mad as he might be at some of them, to some extent, he knew he had a responsibility to uphold his role. He didn't know if he could be that selfish, even if a God was telling him to be.

"I don't suppose you and your siblings are very close, are you?" The haruspex suddenly asked, his head cocking ever so slightly with the question. "If I leave this herd I leave behind family. It might be better for me in the end, I imagine you're right. I could grow beyond the confines of this cave, I don't doubt that. The Basin shouldn't get what it wants or needs just because they found some sap willing to stick around and listen to their problems, but..." Ashamin smiled then, his aforementioned tail giving a little wave, "...you're still here, aren't you?"

Risky, stupid, completely idiotic, but what did it matter anymore? If the God of the Spark really was right, and if this was Ashamin's brush with goodbye, then what did he really have to lose?


_______________



(table by Tamme)


@Mythical Request


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead


God of the Spark Posts: 111
Helovian Ancient
Stallion :: Hybrid :: 15.3hh :: Ageless
Admin
#6

.....


God of the Spark




"We're Gods," The spark answered, nearly braying laughter. His voice was oddly self-depreciating as he spoke, and his bearded skull shook slightly. "-close doesn't factor into it."

As Ashamin continued, the God snorted and shook his head much more aggressively and abruptly, as if trying to signal to a small child they were about to do something they shouldn't. "Family isn't linked by geographical closeness." He grunted, withholding the eye roll which pressed against his sparking gaze. "You don't stop being family just because you aren't in the same herd. " The God couldn't - or maybe just didn't - understand Ashamin. Everything he did seemed intimately tied to someone else. Staying for the Basin, staying for his family...The God briefly considered erasing all of Ashamin's ties, just for a few weeks, to give the buck some perspective on just how tethered he was by everyone else, but decided against it.

The God's ears perked forward at the insult, but instead of anger, he only shook his head with a disappointment snort. "So bitter." He mused with an exhale, his voice a mumble of deep tones as he looked down upon the Covenheart, both metaphorically and literally.

So quick to blame everyone but himself. And when he does blame himself, he imagines himself a martyr for it.

"Was there something you wanted Ashamin? Just because I keep my vow, as all my siblings do, to attend to the calls of our selected ones, that does not mean that I'll dawdle here listening to your puling."

The God's eyes were stern, but not uncaring. Still, it was not in the God's nature to hand out personal advice, or bother with petty insults, regardless of how much Ashamin might try to bait him into either. "If you have no need of my advice as it pertains to the herd, then I'll take my leave of you."

The God's stare bore into Ashamin, wondering if he would need to find a new seer after this conversation.

He thought it likely. 




.

Image Credits
FOXX


Ashamin the Clovenheart Posts: 426
Outcast atk: 8 | def: 11.5 | dam: 5.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 15.2 HH :: 5 [Frostfall] HP: 79 | Buff: NUMB
Lochan :: Plain Cerndyr :: Dark Mist & Rakt :: Common Cerndyr :: Starpast Jen
#7
A S H A M I N
on his own


It was perfectly fine that the God of the Spark didn't understand Ashamin. Ashamin didn't understand the God, either. And that was why the painted buck was a mortal with power over the heart and the electric God commanded Time. Could anyone with as many ties as Ashamin have the detachment necessary to live so long, to see worlds and kingdoms rise and fall? No, Ashamin would collapse with mourning. He would suffer forever in the face of time's passing and maybe, maybe...

Well, maybe he'd become as bitter as the God of the Spark was. Maybe that was why the spiral-marked beast was such an intolerable ass. Commanding all of time like that, didn't you have to be?

Struck suddenly by the realization that Time did in fact wear on even the good, that he was not immune to its effects and thus did not need to feel responsible to maintain the purity all seemed to want from him, Ashamin was freed. The understanding he'd lacked moments earlier appeared before him as clear as shit. It was a moment of bliss, the kind that cracked a wild smile across his face.

The God of the Spark asked him to change the subject, to focus on the herd, and Ashamin was confronted with how he had so flagrantly ignored his duty. Had he realized he'd been shirking responsibility as he asked for personal advice, or was it only just now occurring to him?

There were things he could tell the God of the Spark. Well, there's been no contact with wolves, Thranduil ran from me the herd like a coward, Hotaru's losing her grip, and Deimos is as cold and inaccessible as ever! But what good would it all do? Surely the God of the Spark knew all that nonsense already, if he really could see all of time and flip through its episodes with ease, and the herd seemed to be chugging along fine in its own little racist, freezing, and dysfunctional way.

Who was he to intervene?

The smile on his face grew wider; he looked almost deranged.

"You're right," he answered with an oddly bright tone, a sudden twinkle in his eye. "This isn't your job, is it? And it's not mine, either." Ashamin paused, lifted his tail to wave it, and slowly began to turn.

"Goodbye, God of the Spark. I can't say our talks have ever been pleasant, but I also can't say they haven't been worth my while. I imagine we'll meet again at some point in your time." The haruspex didn't think he'd be able to stay away from the Gods forever, after all. As unpleasant as the God of the Spark could be Ashamin's piety would never truly wane. But maybe, he thought, by the time they ran into each other once more he'd have done something to earn a little less disrespect from the Northern god.

Then again, what did it matter what old Sparky thought? Ashamin didn't need anyone else's approval anymore, he was a free agent.

He paused before leaving, his black eyes cold but still glittering. Whether the God would oblige him with a favor or not (likely not,) well... He could still use a brief lesson about loyalty. "Tell your sister I said hi."

And then, like a ghost, he was gone.

_______________



(table by Tamme)


@Mythical Request


See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead



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