the Rift


Learning how to play [Open Spar]

Isopia the Mountain That Knows Posts: 780
Dragon's Throat Apostle atk: 6.5 | def: 10 | dam: 8.0
Mare :: Tribrid :: 18hh :: 3 - is now aging slowly HP: 90 | Buff: NUMB
Hubris :: Royal Bronze Dragon :: Shock Breath & Frost Breath & Babel :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath Odd
#1


As soon as Isopia had landed, she felt an uncomfortable and sort of anxious itch begin to form beneath the layers of her skin. Absentmindedly she had itched her flank, but to no avail. The itch was inside of her bones, previously dormant but now squirming to get free.  Hubris chuckled to himself as he landed near his bonded, staring up at her with wide, blue eyes. He knew what it was she was feeling, and her lack of apprehension only increased his mirth at seeing her in such a state.

Play, her muttered into her mind, plucking a budding flower and throwing it at her shoulder. Isopia allowed the bloom to hit her and then watched it fall stupidly. "Play with what?" She responded, staring down at the happy draconian creature like he was an alien. Hubris only shook his head. Just play, he relied with a casual shrug, grabbing fistfuls of grass and tossing them into the air.

Isopia watched this display doubtfully. What was the point of plucking up the foliage that had worked so hard to grow? How was that meant to do achieve anything? However Hubris did looked pleased, and even though he was destroying the life that her Father had worked so hard to create, for some reason she didn't think the God would actually be mad.

"I don't understand you." Isopia murmured, lowering her head to sniff at the broken blades of grass. Hubris looked at her patiently - covered sporadically in green grass - and shrugged. Of course you don't, that shrug seemed to say. He reached out and hugged her muzzle with his bronzey body. Isopia bore this awkwardly, but neither she nor the dragon seemed to mind her stiffness.

Run the dragon said, pulling back from her slightly. But run happy. Before Isopia could ask how exactly she was supposed to 'run happy', Hubris was on the move. He pushed back on her muzzle hard enough to force her back a step, and then launched himself into the air. He zoomed around her, showering her in sparks, before flailing off into the afternoon sun.

As if knowing she was about to say something, the dragon's small voice bloomed in her mind. Run! Chase!

"Is that what we're doing?" The demigoddess mumbled to herself, but, perhaps uncharacteristically, she didn't argue.

Iso's long legs stretched out as she picked up an easy canter. She moved faster and faster, trailing behind the bronzey shape before her. Hubris would occasionally send a shower of sparks her way, which she would easily avoid. Though she hadn't realized it, she had grown into her massive body quite well. Her movements had become much more graceful and controlled, and she no longer looked like she was an imposter wearing someone else's skin.

The itching feeling grew beneath her glossy coat, causing Isopia to suddenly buck. The feeling both grew and abated. The girl realized that bucking felt good. Somewhere deep inside, something like happiness began to fester and squirm into her joints. She launched herself, allowing her wings to unfurl and increase the length of her long gliding steps, and then she bucked again. All the while Hubris flittered about her head, delight and mirth plastered on his draconian features.



open spar! I'd like it not to take forever though, so reply only if you have time to keep it going? :D
Set in the Thistle meadow about midday.

Feel free to just attack first! :D Isopia's just running around because stupid.

WC: 541
Attack: 0/3

Isopia
Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
Image Credits

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

Seanan Posts: 44
Outcast atk: 8.0 | def: 10.0 | dam: 2.0
Stallion :: Equine :: 17 :: 9 HP: 60.0 | Buff: NOVICE
Rien
#2
The grass was thick and lush here.  Rich.  The pearl-colored stallion couldn't decide if he liked it or not.  On the one hoof it was delicious and so moist he could practically drink it.  One the other, too much of it made him feel heavy and bloated.  So today he cropped slowly.  A delicate mouthful here.  Nibble a spring bloom there.  He lifted his head from the grass, placidly contemplating the flavor of the flower he'd just partaken of.  It was sweet.  He found himself wishing for perhaps a bit of salt instead of the mild, floral sweetness.

His ears perked.

The thud of hoof-beats on the ground was more a feeling in his bones than a sound in his ears at first.  His lips moved, dropping the last few blades of grass from his mouth as he wheeled.  The midday sun turned his searching eyes the same color as the thistle at his feet.  His heart began to pound.  

There.  

He could see him/it/her in the distance, a dark shape against the green and blue of sky and land.  They seemed to fit, not blending in but a piece that was meant to be there.  He barely registered the little mote of bronze and sparks that seemed to be leading the racer along.  

His neck arched.  

Seanan snorted, one small hoof digging into the lush ground.  It was softer than he was used to, but no matter.  Flat, wiry muscles bunched like springs beneath his delicate hide.  

He flew.

It didn't matter that he had no wings.  His pale banners whipped and trailed behind him, catching the sun.  His long body stretched out, finally releasing.  It was a relief.  As if standing quiet was too hard, too restraining.  He needed this.  He lived this.  The wind whipped into his heavy lidded eyes, cut through his brain and tore all thoughts of today and all memories of yesterday away.  It was instinct that curved his path, angling to bring his swifter, lighter frame alongside hers.

No, not alongside.  His ears, pinned back by the wind, flipped up as the breeze whispered playfully to him.  See how they-she, he could see now- bucked?  He neighed.  Half greeting, half warning of what was to come.  Their courses were fast closing now, he was near perpendicular to her.  His head curved away from her as he aimed his left shoulder to her right, just in front of those wide wings.  

Then, there was no time left to think.

OOC: First time doing this, so I hope it's okay!  Seanan's being a retard.
WC: 456
Attack: 1/3
Summary: Seanan sees Iso, tries to run his left shoulder into her right for funsies.
All interactions are go, short of death and permanent crippling.

Isopia the Mountain That Knows Posts: 780
Dragon's Throat Apostle atk: 6.5 | def: 10 | dam: 8.0
Mare :: Tribrid :: 18hh :: 3 - is now aging slowly HP: 90 | Buff: NUMB
Hubris :: Royal Bronze Dragon :: Shock Breath & Frost Breath & Babel :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath Odd
#3


Isopia, not the most observant mare, hardly heard Seanan coming. She was so raptured by the sound of her own hooves thundering across the ground - a sound she rarely ever heard - that the accompaniment of his own tandem beat hardly drew any response from the demigoddess. It was only once his voice called out to her that she actually started.

Her stride hitched as her death-marked face turned wildly in the wind to try and discern the issuer of the sound. Cold surprise screamed through her veins, and for a moment her flight or fight instincts were evenly matched. She continued moving forward - jerkily, more out of instinct than anything else - until Hubris' voice calmly sang in her mind.

He play too, the dragon silently said, trying to reassure Isopia. He come to play too. Isopia relaxed only a fraction. Playing was foreign enough, much less playing with someone else? Couldn't she just be alone? What drove this pale stallion across the fields towards her? The idea was so foreign and repulsive that she could barely wrap her mind around it. For someone like Isopia, the thought of seeking someone out for fun seemed nonsensical, hence her hesitation to accept Hubris' assessment of the situation.

Suddenly there was no more time to ponder. The stallion drew near, and Isopia felt herself breathe in sharply. Her mind divided between thoughts of Zero and Volterra, for those were the two who had ever really touched her. Thoughts of Zero's comforting embraces were wrapped with bloody memories of Volterra, and the association of disgust and regret that now accompanied thoughts of the ruby-eyed stallion now transferred onto Seanan as he edged closer.

Isopia flinched and her mind recoiled. In other spars - where she knew she was sparring - she might have allowed herself to collide with him, to try and do damage as he came at her. However his interruption of her playing, combined with the overlay of Volterra-feelings that she improperly allowed her mind to ascribe to him, caused all of her hard-won battle training to simply vanish.

"Nnn-" She began to say, meaning to tell him that she didn't want to play with him, but her cries were abruptly cut off. Seanan's shoulder collided with her own, even as she tried to awkwardly shuffle away. Her long legs - so elegant only moments before - now twisted beneath her, catching on one another. Iso's front hooves knocked against one another, causing an audible click as well as sending pain rushing in tingling waves up her legs, and then continued to scrape up and down her cannon bones as she tried to right herself. Perhaps it was because Seanan was so tall and slender, but where their shoulders had collided Isopia could already feel a bruise forming, due perhaps to the boniness of his shoulder. But that wasn't the worst of it. When his shoulder touched hers, her mind recoiled instantly thinking of Volterra. It made her feel dirty, and guilty, and discarded.

A whine of pain rose in her throat, but the demigoddess forced her jaw to remain tightly locked. She was nothing, if not in control of her body's outward reactions.

The demigoddess stumbled once again before she found her balance. Her shoulder bawled in pain as the lower portion of her front legs began to accompany the sensation with their own painful wails. She forced her mind to clear - forced herself to see Seanan, and not the Volterra overlay.

Hubris only chuckled from the air and whistled down towards Isopia. Play, he encouraged silently, doing a showy flip. Play will help.

Isopia turned awkwardly. The front section of her body did not want to support this movement, but did anyways. A ball of water formed behind Isopia. It took the rough form of a dragon, though it was entirely see-through and clearly just composed of liquid. With a snort, the water-dragon was thrust forward by unseen magical hands, directed right towards Seanan's face.

Am I doing it right? Isopia thought with uncharacteristic sarcasm, directed towards her dragon.

Because the air around them was so warm, the water-attack likely wouldn't be too cold. Shocking? Perhaps. It was always a little surprising when someone randomly threw water in your face, wasn't it?

Briefly Iso considered rushing at the stallion to try and have her other shoulder hit his, but decided against it. Although she had temporarily banished the 'Volterra-overlay' (as she had now come to think of it), she wasn't quite ready to willingly place herself so close to him.

For now, ranged attacks would do.




WC: 791
Attack: 1/3

This is the magic Iso used. You don't have to include stuff like this in your posts, but I always find it's nice so that your opponent knows wtf is happening :)

:: [ Magic: EarthxWater (U) | Can create shapes out of the earth or water ]
:: [ Restrictions | Can only create 2 large shapes (large horse size or smaller) or 5 smaller shapes (dog size or smaller); lasts one post in battle. ]





TEACHING NOTES.

Awesome opening post! I really like the light hearted feel I get from Seanan. You described him well enough that I have a good sense of what he looks and moves likes, without it come across forced and whatnot.

One thing that's helpful to do when you're sparring, is to take a look at your stats compared to your opponent. For instance, you have:
STR:   2.0
SPD:   8.0
AGL:   2.0
END:   8.0

And I have :

STR:   8
SPD:   5
AGL:   5
END:   4

Which basically means that you're much faster than Iso is and have way more endurance. But I'm harder hitting and more agile (turning IS hard :P). This is helpful for when you're responding to things. For instance, when I respond to you, I can objectively have Iso be like "DAYYUMMM HE FAST." rather than just relying on your description of Seanan. Things you DON'T want to do, is act like Seanan is more agile than Isopia, because we can see that he isn't. You'd get marked down on realism if you wrote something like that.
So it's always a good idea just to look at those stats, to get an idea of objectively what your opponent is like compared to you.

The biggest thing I noticed is that some of your wording was fairly declarative. When I judge, I'm fairly harsh on what counts as powerplaying. Not everyone is as strict as I am, but it's definitely good to be aware of how strongly you're writing. For instance: It was instinct that curved his path, angling to bring his swifter, lighter frame alongside hers. Saying he is now 'alongside her', is powerplay, because you're forcing Isopia to remain more or less. What if she just flies up into the air? Then he couldn't run alongside her at all. A better way to work it would just be adding 'tried': "It was instinct that curved his path, as he tried to angle his swifter, lighter frame alongside hers. Same with this sentence: Their courses were fast closing now, he was near perpendicular to her.  Like I said, those are fairly minor/weak instances, but it's just better to avoid them when you can, so you aren't in the habit of writing that way.

I really like how you mentioned his attack was in front of her wings. So many people forget about pegasus' stupidly big wings! So far everything looks really good!

When the dice are rolled for you, make sure you're making realistic choices about how to take the damage. When it's rolled, you'll see something like this:

Damage: 1d6 rolled for a total of: # + 7 (Iso's damage stat).

The # can be anything from 1 - 6, with 1 being the lowest and 6 being the highest. There's no set scale, but 6 is something like a pretty serious injury - like really spraining a leg, having an open bleeding wound, etc. Whereas a 1 might just be a little shove. So don't take more damage that you're given, and try to stay consistent. So if Iso's rolls a 3 and then next round rolls a 4, the damage you take in the second post should be more than in the first.

So you rolled a 5/6. So this is almost the most damage Seanan can do. But because your damage stat is only a 2, it isn't going to break any of Iso's bones or anything (compare a character like Gaucho for instance. When he punches you, it's really going to hurt, because his damage stat is 8.

Hopefully that all makes sense!

Things to think about for your next post:
Make sure you're taking into account the differences between Seanan and Iso, in terms of breeds, physical stature, and stats; and make sure you're mentioning the environment where appropriate! Isopia is emotionally a little unstable atm, so she has a lot of things/emotions that are going through her mind. Even if Seanan isn't as 'feely' as she is right now, make sure to incorporate what he's thinking and feeling, and why he does the things he does in response, into your post!


Isopia
Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
Image Credits

Seanan Posts: 44
Outcast atk: 8.0 | def: 10.0 | dam: 2.0
Stallion :: Equine :: 17 :: 9 HP: 60.0 | Buff: NOVICE
Rien
#4
The small noise of protest catches his ears, lays them back in sudden uncertainty, but then it's too late.

Hitting her is like the wind breaking on the mountains. He feels the shudder of it through his bones and for a moment thinks he might have shattered himself. The pale stallion has fought before. He has fought for love. He has fought for dominance. He has fought for pleasure.

He's never encountered something like this.

Eyes flashing white all around, no longer hooded and lazy, his momentum carries him past her. The soft ground grabs at his hooves, not the way soft sand does and yet without the friction of the hard flat lands he's used to. And it really isn't flat, he finds, though the grasses hide the uneven footing. Though the impact checked his momentum some, his speed forces him into a wide arc to bring him back around to face her and by the time he does there's something else there.

It's not the little bronze one that catches his attention. It's the transluscent one coming at his face and he almost notices it too late. He plants his hooves in the soft grass, the sharpness of the motion radiating up his legs. His forelegs rise from the ground to challenge the new spector lashing out foreward and meeting- something?

Then he's drowning.

His hooves cut through it almost like it isn't there, but the force of it hits his chest hard enough to knock some of the wind from him. It splashes into his face. It's in his nose and in his throat and in his eyes. His forelimbs come down hard and he throws his head back, trying to clear it from his eyes. The white stallion head flails in brief panic. He coughs and snorts the water from his nose. Sweet air rushed in and he realizes it was water.

Just water.

He can still feel the bruise forming on his chest with every breath. His head flips up and there's suddenly laughter on his lips. He prancs sideways, bucks, and rushes her again. He has no clever magic to call, only what was given to him by blood and the desert. It's not a full charge this time but a more controlled rush to cover the distance between them. He doesn't want to stay close to her- she's heavier than he is. Broader of body. Still, he can't stay away.

He doesn't try to run at her head-on, angling instead for where he thinks the left side of her should be. There's still an element of play in his movement, a caution to hold back. He doesn't strike at her with teeth but instead swings his head like a weight, hoping to catch her's in the side as he passes.

OOC:
WC: 469
Attack: 2/3
Summary: Water to the chest and face, tries to rush her again, time swing his head to clobber her up the side. Though I'm not sure who's more hard headed.

This is awesome! I'm not sure I handled the magic right, but I hope it's okay!
All interactions are go, short of death and permanent crippling.

Isopia the Mountain That Knows Posts: 780
Dragon's Throat Apostle atk: 6.5 | def: 10 | dam: 8.0
Mare :: Tribrid :: 18hh :: 3 - is now aging slowly HP: 90 | Buff: NUMB
Hubris :: Royal Bronze Dragon :: Shock Breath & Frost Breath & Babel :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath Odd
#5

It had never occurred to Isopia that her water attacks might actually choke someone. She'd thrown water many times before (ice water most often), and it had almost always clogged eyes and airways, and yet, she'd never thought about it. Watching Seanan first appear to be winded, and then appear to cough up the last remnants of her attack made her pause.

But then there waslaughter on his lips, and her confusion doubled. Her only thought in that moment was that he must be a masochist (or possibly crazy), for it never occurred to her that this was just all part of the playing they were engaged in. Isopia cast a confused glance towards Hubris, who only shook his head in disbelief. PLAY the dragon trilled with fake annoyance in her mind.

The demigoddess's golden gaze revolved back to the pale stallion as he moved towards her again. This time, thoughts of Volterra did not cross her mind. No, Volterra never laughed like that (had she ever heard him laugh at all?). Seanan's laughter made it easier to see him for what he was, and although Isopia moved to evade his attack, it was no longer out of some traumatized fear. She was actually trying to play.

Isopia's long legs were still battered from where she had tripped over them moments ago, and so despite their normal agility, Seanan was too quick. She felt the softness of his nose brush against her flank, pressing with an uncomfortable weight between her ribs. The pressure didn't necessarily hurt, but her body did blare out warning signals that such things should be avoided. Had that been a unicorn horn rather than his nose, she would have been in trouble. 

'Playfully', (for Isopia anyways), the Mountain thrust her left wing downwards, hoping to hit some receding part of the pale stallion with it as the two passed each other. Her tail lifted rather prettily (though the aesthetical appeal of this never even occurred to her), and her quad-horned skull rose with something close to excitement. She then spun as quickly as she could on her long limbs to try and trail after him. Isopia was larger than Seanan was, and would have thought that the length of her legs would have made her faster than him, since hers covered more ground. But where Isopia's strides allowed her to flow across the field, Seanan's allowed him to fly.

The demigoddess didn't think she'd be able to catch him, despite the fertile ground beneath her, so instead she tried to slow him down. Another magic-dragon appeared, though this time it was composed of earth. Isopia tried to make it appear just in front of Seanan's swift strides, hoping that he'd be forced to balk and go around. Then again, even if he crashed through, surely that would slow him down as well?

Isopia moved to her right (wanted to keep her bruised shoulder far away from him, for it still throbbed painfully), hoping that if he reacted to her magic the way she thought he might, that she could overtake him on his right side. She didn't plan anything more than nudging her body next to his, and throwing her weight against his shoulder if she got close enough. She had seen foals push each other and shove, surely that was playing. Right?

In the air, Hubris whistled his approval. The dragon could feel thoughts of Volterra receding from her mind, and though he was the only one currently aware of it, it did both their souls a world of good.

Play, he chuckled to himself. Knew it would work.

But Isopia didn't hear the dragon's words, for she too was now laughing.




WC: 617
Attack: 2/3

Same magic!

:: [ Magic: EarthxWater (U) | Can create shapes out of the earth or water ]
:: [ Restrictions | Can only create 2 large shapes (large horse size or smaller) or 5 smaller shapes (dog size or smaller); lasts one post in battle. ]



TEACHING NOTES.

The soft ground grabs at his hooves, not the way soft sand does and yet without the friction of the hard flat lands he's used to. WHAT A GOOD DESCRIPTION!!!!

Another really good post. I think you handled Iso's water magic well. It's sort of a weird attack when it rolls high (she rolled a 4 against you), because you're like HGNLSDN;LKSJDF;LAKSJD WEHAT? IT'S WATER? Having him wondering if he's drowning and mentioning it got into his throat and nose and whatnot was really good. You could have elaborated a bit. There wasn't really any mention of pain anywhere. You said he had the wind knocked out of himself, but didn't say if he tried to take a big breath to compensate. You mentioned it got into his nose - and I don't know if that's ever happened to you, but it hurts. When judges look at spars, usually they look to see if the damage has been appropriately taken, and if you reacted appropriately to it. Since you only used 469/800 words, there was still space to elaborate. Other than that, great!

There was maybe one typo and a few grammatical things. It wasn't huge, and it didn't hinder my reading of your post, but there's an entire section for grammar in the judging rubric, and so it's worth mentioning. But I know you know how to write, and everyone misses things sometimes :)

I think the only thing missing for me, was more of his reaction to Isopia. I know you can't God Mode and know about her inner flailings, but I might have expected to have Seanan's inner dialogue be more like "What is her problem. Why isn't she playing back?" Like, Iso probably doesn't look like she's having fun, and I feel like Seanan might wonder about that? Or be like "Hey! Who throws water at someone's face?!" Half-jokingly. That's probably the only thing right now I'd encourage you to work on. You're mentioning the environment and breeds really well, there was no PP in this post, and everything was easy to read. The only thing I want to see more of is Seanan's personality!

But honestly, since this is your first time, you're doing a really incredible job. I flailed around so hard during my first like .. 10 spars. Your writing is informative and easy to read, I think you're doing a good job so far of responding to attacks and attacking back. So please don't feel like the comments I'm giving you take away from that! You've already hit most of the basics, so really the things I'm saying are just small fixes. :)



Isopia
Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
Image Credits

Seanan Posts: 44
Outcast atk: 8.0 | def: 10.0 | dam: 2.0
Stallion :: Equine :: 17 :: 9 HP: 60.0 | Buff: NOVICE
Rien
#6
He'd forgotten about her wings. It buffets him on the rump as it comes down and he lets out a little squeal of surprise. The soft feathers disguise granite and every time his hooves hit the ground it rattles up to the bruise forming above his tail. He deserves it for forgetting the wings. He curls his head down, sparing a quick glance back.

She's already on him, turning faster than he would have thought possible for a mare of her size. There’s grace he didn’t expect to see. It’s different from what he’s used to but there is no denying it. Still, he thinks he can outrun her on the straight away. Her power is obvious, but she is not the wind. He's delighted to see in that quick glance the flag of her tail and something different in her expression. The stiffness seems to be leaving her and he lets go of the minor guilt that had plagued him about coming on her unawares. It's been a long time since he's played with someone and this is... a relief. There's no pretense. Just the movement of muscle and the caress of the wind.

And the ache in his chest every time he breathes.

His head swing back forward and in the space of a breath his relief turns to bafflement. A creature rises from the earth before him and he knows that he's going too fast to stop or turn aside. He tries. His small hooves cut into the grass and fertile soil. He tries to gather himself and leap-

He's not a jumper.

He crashes through the upper half of the dirt golem, eyes closing instinctively to save his vision. It's like hitting the ground except he's still on his hooves. Sort of. The mother of pearl shine is lost on his coat beneath the dirt that clings. There isn't a part of him that doesn't feel bruised but the worst is on his face and knees. There's a trickle of blood running down his long muzzle and when he hits the ground with his front legs he can feel the shock up his limbs. His knees burn and his head is throbbing from the bashing.

Nothing there to hurt anyway.

He stumbles as he slows, struggling for a moment to keep his balance and take stock of the damage. She was chasing him, he remembers. He can't hear anything but the pounding of his heart and even with his speed killed he doesn't think he can turn to face her fast enough. Instead he lashes out with his hind hooves wildly to try and keep her from barrelling into him. It hurts to lock his front knees, like there's dirt and gravel ground into the skin that protests the motion. As his head drops into the buck he can see the damage, the well of scarlet against now dirty snow. Nothing is broken though, he is still sound.

The edges of panic abate.

Then he hears her laughter, like sunlight through smoke. It's beautiful, and his thin lips quirk in a reckless grin.

OOC
WC: 531
Attacks: 3/3
Summary: He takes a hard thump to the rump and then barrels into the dirt dragon with an awkward attempt to jump it (he's not very good at that). He's bleeding a bit from a rock to the face, has some scraped up knees, and is otherwise bruised and a bit dazed. He belatedly remembers that she was chasing him and tries to kick to keep her at bay.

Your comments have been really helpful! I think I'm still figuring out how best to write Seanan, which is one of the problems. This has helped a lot though!
All interactions are go, short of death and permanent crippling.

Isopia the Mountain That Knows Posts: 780
Dragon's Throat Apostle atk: 6.5 | def: 10 | dam: 8.0
Mare :: Tribrid :: 18hh :: 3 - is now aging slowly HP: 90 | Buff: NUMB
Hubris :: Royal Bronze Dragon :: Shock Breath & Frost Breath & Babel :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath Odd
#7


Although Isopia couldn't see Seanan crash through her earthen-dragon, she did see him buffeted by something, and watched his speed dramatically slow. Her quad-horned skull bobbed up and down as she raced forward, feeling as though she was moving much faster now. That was only an illusion of course, caused by Seanan's suddenly drop in speed. But nevertheless, it caused a wellspring of excitement to bubble in the back of her throat. 

See? Play is fun Hubris laughed from somewhere above her, flying near her flank, but making no indication that he was planning on joining this spar. 

Because this wasn't Isopia's first spar, she saw the tell tale signs of a buck beginning to write themselves on Seanan's features. The way his head dipped, how his knees locked and how his weight shifted. But because she still wasn't particularly good at sparring, she couldn't avoid his outstretched legs completely. Her intent had been to bump herself against him, and there just wasn't time to move her massive frame out of the way. She felt his hooves press against the left side of her haunches, causing her hips to swing painfully to the right. Her forelegs grappled with the ground beneath her, trying to regain her balance. But her body was large, and her haunches had been forced to swing so far out, that it put her nearly perpendicular to where Seanan had previously been.

Isopia could feel two bright circles of pain forming and her body was likely already in the process of creating two matching bruises there. Even so, she found that she didn't mind. His kick had been light, likely not meant to actually hurt her, and she had run right into it.  Why should that be a reason for her smile to falter?

Isopia lunged forward one more time, still fixed on achieving the shove that she had just been robbed of. Given her new angle, it would be more likely that her chest and left shoulder would strike his, but Isopia knew what a speedy creature he had proved to be, and so it wouldn't surprise her if she ended up thrusting herself towards his flank or hindquarters.

After what she hoped was a successful attack, Isopia swerved hard to the right, trying to place distance between the two. She was in better shape than she had been for a while, but even so, all of that running had left her quite winded. Her quad-horned skull lowered slightly and she took several deep breaths, keeping her golden gaze trained on the pale (though considerably dirtier now) stallion. 

Hubris trilled a happy sound towards the stallion, as his bronzey body flit back towards Isopia. He landed on her wither, careful not to touch the bruise on her right shoulder, and patted her gently. Good play. He whispered into her mind. Now say thank-you.

Isopia balked slightly. Thank you? For what?

For play The dragon insisted, patting her neck again as if to suggest that she should just do what he said. 

"Thank you." She said out loud, her voice awkward in its academic coldness. Isopia hadn't intended to sound so stiff, but then again, offering appreciation was not something she normally did often.




WC: 537
Attack: 3/3




TEACHING NOTES.

I was a little confused about this sentence, The soft feathers disguise granite and every time his hooves hit the ground it rattles up to the bruise forming above his tail. How are her wings disguising granite? Her wings are fairly light - they'd be mostly hollow like bird's wings, although the muscle and bone connecting them to her body would be a bit sturdier. Still, it wouldn't be any harder than having someone thwack you with their arm. So I think you probably took a bit too much damage from this, or at least, it wasn't realistic for her to have been able to hurt him that much just from her wing coming down. But if you're new here, I can see why you wouldn't really know how hard wings should be :P

I really, REALLY liked this bit: He's delighted to see in that quick glance the flag of her tail and something different in her expression. The stiffness seems to be leaving her and he lets go of the minor guilt that had plagued him about coming on her unawares. It's been a long time since he's played with someone and this is... a relief. There's no pretense. Just the movement of muscle and the caress of the wind. That's exactly the type of thing I was looking for from Seanan, and I think you captures it really well, without it seeming forced.

Another thing I really like about your writing is how concise it is, while still being informative. Some people (definitely me included) ramble on and on to describe things, whereas you're able to paint a really beautiful scene using only a few sentences. Things like, He's not a jumper. I suddenly have a really clear picture, but you did it in such a lovely and brief way.

When you bucked out at Iso, I think that was your way of responding to her attack of shoving up against you? This could have been a little bit clearer. With our sparring system, you want to make sure that you're acknowledging your opponents attacks in a very obvious way. Even if I had rolled a miss and Iso hadn't even come close to hitting you, even then you would have still said something about the fact that she tried to shove you, but obviously missed. 

Your next and final post will be a 'closing defense'. Basically the point of the post is to respond to Isopia's attack. You can't attack her back, since the fighting will be over. 

There are also a few things to mention about our system. If for instance, you had Seanan flop down and take a snooze or be like "Man i'm tired!" and lay down, you'd lose 10 pts for ending the fight being 'submissive'. Even though this spar was supposed to be 'for fun', if either of them 'submits' to one another, you'll get points deducted. Also if you pass out that's an automatic lose for you, or if your character runs away (that one should be obvious :P)

Overall I think you did really, REALLY well. It sucks that Seanan's damage is so low. If you look at the rolling thread, that's basically what's given us such a big HP gap. Getting him magic/offensive items will help raise this, if that's something you want for him. Or joining a herd and becoming a warrior. If not, anytime you complete a spar you earn "EXP", and you can build up your EXP to earn VP (victory points). VP is what 'levels you up' in our sparring system. So the more VP you have, the more 'buffs' you earn, which make you strong/faster/harder hitting, etc. But like I said, you did awesome. I think if you spar more you'll start to understand the flow of it a bit better. And, figuring how realistic damage when we're fighting with magical ponies IS really hard. 

But awesome job! Thanks for replying so quickly! Seanan's so great! 






Isopia
Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
Image Credits

Seanan Posts: 44
Outcast atk: 8.0 | def: 10.0 | dam: 2.0
Stallion :: Equine :: 17 :: 9 HP: 60.0 | Buff: NOVICE
Rien
#8
There was something satisfying about the feeling of his hind hooves impacting flesh. It was a distinctly different sensation from the ground in all it's variety. Still he wasn't sure he liked it so much as he enjoyed the knowledge of success. He revels in that for a moment as his hooves drop back under him. Every inch of him hurts now, though he hasn't lost his wind. He could still run, though his body would not thank him for pushing it further.

He tries to bring his head up quickly enough to keep track of her. She's so snakey. Much too quick on the turn to be a proper horse. He conveniently forgets that he's known many desert minxes who could out-maneuver him. He, on the other hand, can't get out of the way fast enough. He tries, but his body is sluggish to respond, muscles aching from earlier bruises. His forelegs objects to each bend. Then she's coming and he knows he can't move fast enough so he tries instead to pivot, though he knows he isn't quick enough. His hooves clatter, hitting eachother in his haste to turn away from her.

The strike lands near true, and a portion of his body is heaved slightly off the ground by her weight and momentum. It winds him, and his attempt to pivot only saves him from taking the full brunt of her force by a fraction. Instead the momentum pushed his body into a sharper turn than it would naturally have made, following the path of least resistance. He feels fire lance up his back as muscles protest being stretched beyond nature's set limits.

He nearly goes down on his knees again but through stubborness he keeps on his hooves. Standing with spindly legs braced wide, knees locked, he struggles to catch his breath. His head throbs and he can't think past the pain of the strained muscle. Gradually, it eases. Enough that he can cautiously lift his head. It's not the running that's tired him, but the pain. He's collected enough bruises for the day, he thinks. Or perhaps the season.

For the first time he hears her voice. It's not what he expected. There's a coldness that seems somewhat at odds with the fire of adrenaline that's slowly fading. It leaves his skin cold, twitchy, and aching.

"Why are all of you so damn big?" Perhaps not the most sociable response, the demand is tempered the chuckle that follows, ears alert and following her though he tries not to move too much, wondering how much he's really hurt himself.

OOC:
Hehehe, that was fun! Sorry about the wait, my muse suddenly took an emergency vacation. I'm not too worried about him being a -good- warrior. Most likely he'll never hold a position of any particular note. But I wanted a chance to try sparring and I'm glad I did!

Closing Defense
WC: 450 ish
All interactions are go, short of death and permanent crippling.

Time the Dice Queen Posts: 144
OOC Account atk: 50 | def: 50 | dam: 50
Mare :: Other :: 5'7 :: 22 HP: 5050 | Buff: DROPKICK
Time
#9
20+ HP Gap.

Isopia receives 1 VP and 0.5 VP for teaching.

Seannan earns 1 EXP.


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