Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

Was it strange that she’d taken to wandering again, this time with Romul shortly behind and her children waiting for her back in the Throat? Did it make Essetia, the spy, less human that she did not desire to spend every waking moment tending her offspring? The need and sullen desire to stray came intermittently at first and then all at once, all the time. Duty had been excuse enough to allow her a short visit to the Threshold, but now it was the sole idea of rediscovering her identity that forced her from the sand and the heat of the South. Indeed, the mare was becoming troubled and lost without Ulrik’s guidance, where before she’d been less than supportive of his commitment to her, always fearing the worst where he was concerned. Now she prayed to the Gods for another chance to make things right… at least before she became just another version of the Father who’d abandoned her own family.

With a heavy mind and even heavier heart, Essetia lead Romul toward the Thistle Meadow and toward the place where it had all began. At times, the spy remembered how strong and foolish she’d once been— so clueless and unassuming. Though the daylight burned bright above and the dried grasses were becoming brittle to prepare for the coming winter, Essetia imagined the cloak of darkness on the night she’d been taken from the Falls. She’d been so concerned with her pride and her duty and her— her damned fortitude back then... She hadn’t even noticed how perilous her situation truly was when Ulrik had quite literally stolen her from her own youth and honest inexperience. Now, she seemed to wear those mistakes upon her sleeve— a troubled stitching made up of trial and error. Yet, she missed that blindness and that ignorance, before death and doubt and fear forced her to see and feel through the numbing influence of fabricated happiness.

Happiness was a funny thing. Perhaps it was an emotion that could be handed over in bits and pieces, or even huge waves, but it had taken from Essetia, leaving behind only small reminders of something she wasn’t even sure existed in the first place. She had been the one who gave and spared little parts of herself until all the endured was a barren shell. It smiled like Essetia and it talked like Essetia, but if she’d ever been a true and honest creature to anyone at all, they would have known that it wasn’t, in fact, Essetia. And now she blamed it on that singular experience with Ulrik in the Thistle Meadow, whereupon the girl became a woman and forgot all of her innocence instead.

As the spy skirted tall tussock grasses, instead favoring a trimmed and trodden walk, she searched for signs of memories among the lavender blooms. The chirr of summertime insects hummed like white noise in the background of a troubled, yet catching, melodrama that played on loop in the young mother’s mind. She watched as a soft breeze cavorted through lanky flower stalks, bending and pressing them toward the sunbaked earth below. This wasn’t how she’d remembered it, but this was an inkling that Essetia could cling to when she wanted to recall his face and the fire he’d inhabited when first they met. As she tried to reminisce, lost in vague flashbacks from more than a year ago, she was stunted by the fluorescent image of a flawless winter glow.

It belonged to a lovely female no older than Essetia and one more obviously at peace in the meadow than her carmine onlooker. She was much smaller than the warmblood mix, what with Essetia’s Clydesdale heritage, but no less charming with her marlin blue points and indigo eyes. It took the spy a moment to decide if approaching the angelic figure was wise or merely a fool’s errand, but she quickly pressed onward, intent on drumming up conversation. She needed to forget why she'd come in the first place.

“I believe it’s more beautiful in the spring,” Essetia offered when she was close enough to call to the unicorn from a distance. “There’s something about budding flowers that brings to mind a fresh start…” she added a little more absently. She couldn’t recall what the flowers had looked like in the cover of darkness way back when, but she imagined they were in full bloom, ready to wither in time for the snow.

Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

For Essetia and Romul it is neither the first nor the last time they will deal with the suspicious glare of a total stranger. It doesn’t always begin so routinely, but both the spy and her companion are well-versed in the momentary lapse of sanity exhibited by those who come into contact with the predator and his prey. Of course, it is not uncommon for flighty animals to withstand that sudden state of paralysis despite their knowledge of Helovia’s traditions—a wolf is a wolf after all.

Essetia stood idly by while the porcelain maiden gathered her wits. She used the moment to snatch a few slender stalks from the dried meadow grasses and she chewed quietly until her guest could calm her nerves enough to speak… or something of that nature. Perhaps it was well enough, considering the bay’s tendency to let her mind wander over the hazy edges of distant memories. They faded in and out around her, creating a vivid pair of bronze-colored eyes that stared at her blankly from afar. It was during moments like these that Essetia wished he would appear instead of wrapping himself around the fluttering strings of her failing heart. Had she done him wrong by taking time away from their family in order to nurture her sense of pride? Essetia hated to imagine him waiting for her as he’d always done, while she— well, the spy was quite good at finding distractions to occupy the mind.

After struggling to return to the present and all its curiosities, Essetia was quite pleased that her new acquaintance was finally able to recover her footing. However, her voice seemed to quake at the sight of Romul waiting beyond Essetia’s shoulder, and so the spy nodded toward him with a knowing stare. The wolf appeared to understand the gesture and slowly removed himself from her side, even if the tension that rode along the soft slopes of his back was palpable. It took him a minute or two to finally put distance between himself and the pair of horses, but a tuft of white still caught Essetia's eye. However, once the tall grasses had finally concealed him from sight, Essetia quickly turned her attentions elsewhere. “He won’t return unless commanded,” she stated evenly.

It was then that the spy was able to fully comprehend the conversation at hand (with her wolf safely stowed away), which made her wonder where the stranger had sheltered during the cold of winter.  Perhaps that would explain why it had taken her so long to return to the Meadow from last spring. “I visit rather frequently when I can,” Essetia responded while fixing her guest with a halfhearted smile. “I’m Essetia by the way and the wolf is Romul. I hail from the Dragon’s Throat in the south,” she informed with more certainty. “It’s nice to escape the heat from time to time.”

Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

For all intents and purposes, conversation felt forced, but happy. It was courteous and light, a bear whisper of shared thoughts and feelings from prior engagements, but nothing quite like crawling into bed with the enemy. Of course, enemy in that particular context was a broad word that encompassed so much and changed so quickly… In some ways, friendship was just the same Essetia supposed, but relationships were a fleeting thing in her opinion, no matter the title. If it was were up to her, the spy wouldn’t condone the modern endearments simply because she’d learned how abruptly they could be swayed… or just forgotten. Whether or not the slight mare in question would deem Essetia something of an acquaintance mattered very little to the big bay. If they happened upon one another again somewhere down the line, then that would be fine, and if not, then that would be fine too.
 
With Romul wandering through the neighboring shaded wood, Essetia felt relaxed enough to more fully entertain her company (it was obvious enough that the Unicorn felt the same as well). As the silver blossom thanked Essetia for allowing them some time alone, Essetia imagined it must be strange for others to witness one of nature’s natural born predators accompanying nature’s natural born prey. The spy hadn’t picked her companion like some were able to do… He’d just been given to her. How odd it had been as a child to nurture a child not unlike herself. However, they were both adults now and growing together had allowed them to form a bond much earlier in life, a bond unbreakable by life or death.
 
“It is quite warm” ( scalding would have been a better word for it) Essetia replied toward the Unicorns stab at stirring up conversation. “Though I like to think the heat washes one clean,” she stated after, more factually than anything else. It was true that Essetia found the Throat to be a somewhat cleansing atmosphere— it had certainly stripped her of the glossy coat she’d once adorned in the exotic Hidden Falls.
 
However, Zyana was moving along quickly and rushing through the formalities that Essetia had often ignored in previous settings. She believed that there were circumstances in which it wasn’t needed… Sometimes she just knew that putting a name to the face would kill the allure and the beauty of the individual. Yet, it was well enough that she didn’t find those precepts applied here, as Zyana had come there from the North, where beauty didn’t exactly exist. At least not to Essetia.
 
As the spy thought back to the time she’d spent there (under less than bearable circumstances), she couldn’t recall seeing the little blossom around. It was a big place though and it that hardly meant anything to her now. The Aurora Basin now continued to leave a bitter taste in her mouth and somehow (despite the kindness she’d been shown) it just wasn’t enough to go about her business without pause. “I do wish I could say the same Zyana, but I’m afraid I don’t exactly care for your choice of loyalty. The Basin hasn’t shown me much favor,” she bit with some regret. “Though, I hear they’re finally turning over a new leaf—all species can be part of the club now?” she mused a little more sarcastically.
 
The Edge had ben blacklisted because of her father and the Basin had been added because they’d taken the Falls from her. In some ways, Essetia wanted to be more forgiving and kind, but when one had nothing to lose, perhaps kindness couldn’t save friendships—even blooming ones at that. See? Titles were changing all the time.

Essetia & Romul

And although I wasn't losing my mind, It was a chorus so sublime

For a short time, confusion flashed like a moving picture across Zyanya’s gentle face. It rallied and coursed across the slopes of her cheeks as understanding made way for pure and simple cluelessness. If Essetia could imagine anything similar to the shock and ruin she’s inspired in those dahlia colored eyes, she imagined how she looked when she’d witnessed Midas fall to his death amid an unbridled tempest in the North.  Old and bitter hurts resurfaced, unexplained, and remained despite the spy’s desperate attempts to rein in her convulsive desire to hate.

Maybe she had been wrong to accuse and to envision that this placid girl took any part in her imprisonment, but Essetia’s foolhardy sense of pride kept her from apologizing for her cutthroat attitude. Slowly, the spy’s hard edges appeared to recede as regret replaced the tension growing between her eyes. Her furrowed brow drew softly and her lips sloped downward into a defeated frown. Perhaps she’d been wrong and simply didn’t want to admit to this stranger that she still carried too many odds and ends from the past—ones even directed at Ulrik despite her wayward affections for the stallion. He had been an integral part of the Basin once hadn’t he?

When Zyanya finally recovered herself from Essetia’s verbal lashing and the spy was forced to endure her recoil, Essetia made a new choice in order to save whatever budding friendship the two of them had shared. However, before she could fully apologize for her behavior and her unwilling participation in rediscovering past grudges, the Basin mare had turned away, seeking to be rid of Essetia’s company at once—and with good reason.

“I’m sorry,” Essetia called after her, her eyes trailing the tender curvature of the other’s spine. She was such a small, prim creature, so unaware of anything else outside the bliss she entertained. It took innocence and naivety to embody such a reaction to malice… The spy was immediately disappointed. “I shouldn’t have assumed,” she began, hoping to sway the Unicorn from her retreat. “I have a troubled past with the North and… well, there’s no use in trying to explain it, but I am deeply sorry,” she finished weakly.

Essetia couldn’t really explain how different the Basin had been before Midas died and before they were prompted to hold Essetia while they simultaneously assisted the Edge in taking away her home. She couldn’t put into words the agony and grief of watching her Czar drown in the sky or how sickening it was to hear those unthoughtful creatures debate whether or not to burn his body. Even more so, Essetia couldn’t admit that she, a captive in the Basin during the invasion of the Hidden Falls, had fallen for their Engineer in the middle of wartime circumstances… She’d lost her right to hate them and yet did so anyway, even after they showed promise toward change. Ulrik had told her as much about their ideas to connect with the other herds, and yet the spy couldn’t quite find it within her heart to forgive them for what they’d done.

There was no one to blame and Essetia wanted nothing more than to find her scapegoat.