"Where brilliance is good and madness is better..."
Helovia Info
Helovia opened in February 2012! We are an active fantasy equine RPG
Where once the world narrowed into naught but gray dust and desolation, the gods called for life. Wielding the elements of fire and light, dark and wind, earth and water, spark and time, they have created Helovia. The realm is set within the mythical globe of Loorien, a planet rich with all variety of creatures and blessed with all manner of magic. Originally populated by nomadic, tribal characters, they've since grown into massive empires saturated with culture and history. Separated into four distinct segments of Helovia, called "The Regions," each band of horse strong enough and capable enough, took up the power and responsibility of leadership. Unicorns, old, wise and mysterious, took to the north, hidden in forests of mists and shadows and rarely making themselves known beyond their cliffs of the World's Edge. Equines, vast, organized and militaristic, split into two, one group went north to the Windtossed Foothills and the other group went south to the Dragon's Throat. Pegasus remained nomadic, making their homes in various parts of The Wilds in a migratory manner. For many generations, the land was peaceful and calm, but peace was never the way of the gods. With a clash of argument, war and bloodshed massacred Helovia, and in the aftermath, the realm was eerily quiet. Now, as newcomers sweep into this land, they are met with the lingering bitterness of the gods and the struggle to reclaim what was lost. Nothing remains safe or certain while sorcerers and soldiers alike brood and bide their time for revenge, honor and glory.
Site Wide Plots
Kaos :: The Beginning of the End ☼ - 6/2017 - Kaos placed Helovia in a time-bubble for a short period of time, but the Helovian gods are fighting back. But Kaos is powerful- far more powerful than anyone thought. This may be the beginning of the end of Helovia as we know it.
Kisamoa :: A New Kind of Kaos ☼ - 3/2017 - Kisamoa asks Helovians to help him restore the Spectral Marsh. Which side will you choose?
Invasions :: All Out War ☼ - 5/2/16 - New layout and the brand new invasion rules are up! Thank you for your patience and we look forward to getting started with this new adventure.
The Rift :: Gods Do Die ☼ - 8/2015 - Helovia Gods are saving the Rift from corrupt gods! Can Helovians band together against these foreign deities?
The Literal Ship ☼ - 2/8/15 - Oh no! You have to pair up for Valentine's day!
Sky Island :: Murder ☼ - 10/25/14 - Vesta has been found dead on the island, and the gods have called to you to solve the murder!
Sky Island :: Peace ☼ - 7/7/14 - An island has appeared in the sky! Clouds carry Helovians from the Veins to the sky.
Restoration :: We Welcome the Dawn ☼ - 9/21/13 - The sun has finally risen on this day, giving the land new light, but the Time God and the Sun God have yet to be seen.
Endless Night :: Broken Magic Plot ☼ - 8/30/13 - The earth god has returned and is walking across Helovia to heal the land. Every area can now be considered lush and prosperous, but the sun has still not risen.
☼ - 7/19/13 - The moon has risen in the sky, heralding the return of the Goddess of the moon. Lamp trees which light the paths have grown brighter, moon flowers which grow in dark places have begun to grow and prosper and the world is brighter, filled with a new hope.
Endless Night :: Dead Magic Plot ☼ - 6/22/13 - The gods of Helovia, in order to protect the world, have disappeared into the rift, leaving the world sunless, moonless and magic-less in their absence. Only the herdlands have a source of light, but lamp-trees with glowing leaves and branches sporadically line the popular roads and paths from place to place.
Doppleganger Plot ☼ - 6/20/13 - The God of Time is still struggling to close the rift though which the dopplegangers have come. He has requested that his brothers and sister assist in closing this hole, but without knowing why it opened, the task is proving difficult. Magic still remains faulty and hard to control, but the herdlands continue to be places of refuge for those who are fortunate enough to call these lands home.
ORANGEMOON cools off the lands with a a viscious force. Colder than normal, a sign of things to come during Frostfall, Helovia is bathed in a rich tropical lushness - albiet a cold one. The coastlines of the Dragon's Throat are pelted constantly by tidal waves, and the desert climate is humid but chilly. Ice begins to form early in the Aurora Basin leaving the winding trails slick and dangerous. The mists of the World's Edge coat everything in a glistening crystalline shine which encourages mould to grow everywhere. The Spectral Marsh is the only area which remains fertile, blissfully temperature and lush.
Cotm
Character of the Month for
June, 2017
WEAVER, Corporal of the Aurora Basin, is a relatively recent addition to Helovia and has taken it by storm. Branded with the seal of Death on her chest, intrigue and interest follow both her past and present. Though she is assuredly beautiful, her sometimes sharp personality reveals that there is more to this uni-peg hybrid than meets the eye. Proving herself able on the battlefield in the Basin’s warrior ranks, we can’t wait to see her test her mettle against the looming Kaos happenings! Congratulations!
Helovia RPG was created by Tamme and Blu and coded by Tamme also known as Schwartze. All coding, palettes and imagery are copyrighted to the website and are not for use outside of Helovia. Thank you to our ServerMaster for hosting Helovia. A special thanks goes to Neo for all of her coding help and fixing Tamme's errors, Boom, for her loyal service and creation of the Time God, and to Ali for her consistent contributions and dedication.
Ashamin began, as often and before, with a quiet breath. Paradox’s request to learn how to spar from him could not be denied—as a member of the Unbound, who was he to limit knowledge?—but the Clovenheart knew this time he would need to be much more careful. Were the sands not so changing, he thought he would still be able to see Ovidius’ blood on the ground. Just because the tides had washed it away didn’t mean he would let himself forget.
The only problem was, despite his best efforts, Ashamin hadn’t quite figured out how to be a good teacher and keep his competitive fire subdued. At this point the literal flames had subsided; for now his antlers’ fire had waned. As they were, however, positioned along his spine, they were still dangerous. Were it not so cumbersome to take them off, perhaps Ashamin would have done so. Instead, he trusted that Paradox would simply know better than to try and attack his back while he was so well protected.
A quick conversation with the mare had provided Ashamin with the knowledge that she was no fool, and she would have to be one to attempt striking him from above. The mare was smaller than Ashamin in more ways than one, for her Arabian blood was not tainted with that of stockier breeds like the Clovenheart’s was. No, she was lithe and nimble, surely quick on her hooves despite the sand, which pulled on Ashamin’s own weight and clogged the clefts in his hooves. His two companions leaped nimbly about behind him, seemingly unaffected by the environment as they warmed themselves up, but Ashamin felt heavy.
Then again, experience was no light burden. So it was that with his most recent spar in the Endless Blue in mind, Ashamin did what he could to put his competitive nature off to the side. While it was true that he could easily spot their differences—see that she might be weaker, how he would have to conserve his energy to keep up with her—Ashamin had no intention of exploiting them as he might in another setting. For the Gods’ sake, just once, he didn’t want things to go wrong. In his electric heart, Ashamin truly wished to give Paradox knowledge rather than pain. It didn’t occur to him that the two were so intertwined that they could never be pulled apart.
“I’m going to make the first move,” he told her as he stepped forward, one white hoof sinking into the sand that he hoped was closer to where the mare stood. Ashamin angled his body away from her, and moved to try and approach her left side from the front. He did not, however, rush forth in a burst of speed. At the slow rate that he moved, there was not even a rustling of the necklace around his neck. He swallowed, and felt the straps keeping his spinal piece in place tightening around his throat. “In a real fight, that advantage goes to whoever is quick enough. Lucky for you, I bet you could run circles around most,” Ashamin said with a smile, though the expression felt forced. Fear nagged him, and he thought he felt his leg shaking where Seanan had cut it. The wound was healed but the memory was still there. Trapped in the woods, Ashamin had not been quick enough to get out of the way. Here on this shore, Ovidius had looked up at him with blood running down her lips and revealed his cowardice, struck down his weaknesses without making a move. What would Paradox do? How could she hurt him?
Ashamin shook the thought from his mind, just as he cast away Lochan and Rakt. The red cerndyr splashed disappointed red across their bond, but the Clovenheart shot the two a firm glance and that was that. For now, at least, they would be on the sidelines of this spar. With their eagerness set aside, the Clovenheart focused on his attempted approach and set his coal eyes on the chestnut mare’s left hindquarter. Tentatively he reached out with his magic, hoping to just barely influence her emotions through her heart. If it worked, the subtle change of the rhythm might embolden the mare. He knew how frightening it could be to have a seasoned warrior approach: he had the scars from Torleik’s horns to prove it.
Luckily for her, he moved even slower with the awkward weight of the antlers on his back. They were gear he was not used to, so when he jumped forward, attempting to put himself in range and bite her left hip, his student might have more time to respond. Well, and his words of encouragement couldn’t hurt: “You can do this. Counter, now!”
WC: 800/800 PC: 1/3 AP, 0/1 D Setting: Endless blue just after sunset, mild weather. Notes: Ashamin is wearing his necklace (contains amulets, bear god fang, figurine) and antlered spinal piece. I will be providing teaching notes! Good luck Smack, let me know if you have any questions! :)
Used (to influence emotion, not cause pain)
:: [ Magic: LightxSpark (U) | Able to share and alter the heartbeats of others to feel and influence their emotions. ]
:: [ Restrictions | Lasts one post in battle and requires permission outside of battle; can cause discomfort by influencing the electrical pulses to their heart. ]
See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead
Adrenaline coursed through her body like an electric current. Her heart raced. Muscles moved like a well oiled machine. She stood back watching him, listening intently to every word that fell from his lips. Nerves wracked her small figure. Excitement, anxiety, panic. This was all new to her. She had never fought before, and never really had the idea to fight until just recently. She was small, very small. And not the strongest of her kind, but she was quick and agile, and she did have impressive stamina. He was much bigger than she, much stronger, much more advanced in this arena. But, this was a lesson, so hopefully it wouldn't be as bad.
It was dark, but the weather was pleasant. Or, pleasant enough considering the Tallsun heat that consumed the day. The sweat had dried on her though and a cool breeze drifted off the ocean tickling her hide. She tested her gait out in the sand. Trotting small circles and rolling back on her haunches to kick out. She was bred to handle the sand, and it seemed tonight, that should she be fine given the terrain. Paradox stopped stock still as Ashamin spoke. His baritone words coming as a warning. I'm going to make the first move.... Her heart beat accelerated and she felt her breath catch in her throat. Strangely enough, the closer he got, the more brave she felt. His large black and white figure ambled towards her. He wasn't moving at a charging pace but it was still daunting to her.
His mention of her abilities to move fluidly gave her a sense of pride as well. She raised her head high, puffing her chest out. An excited, yet determined squeal parted her white lips. A charcoal hoof slashed through the air boldly. He was coming closer now. She darted to the right to run around him. Her mindset was that if she could get behind, she could make an attack and dart fast enough that he would not be able to move around to catch her. In her excitement, a misplaced rear hoof sent her driving harder than she had planned. A sharp pain ran up her hock and into her hip. She screeched in pain, pulling up immediately. Her left hide leg held up in the air and her eyes flashed to Ashamin, pleading him to stop. But this was battle. If it were real, no one else would show her mercy, she would have to tough it out.
White audits laced back and scorn flashed across her face. She hopped opposite of the painted stallion on three legs, attempting to avoid the white ivories that were aimed at her hide. Her trajectory was off though, and he planted a firm grip right on her hip. A guttural grunt parted white pasted lips as she took the opportunity she saw handed to her. Thrusting her weight towards her front end, she aimed her rear hooves in the direction of Ashamin's face, hoping to strike his jaw...neck...chest. Anything really. When feet hit the ground, the electric shock ran back up her hip. A pain worse than childbirth. She gnashed her teeth and shoved her body forward on three legs and away from the stallion. Putting a few hundred feet between them, she turned to place her ice gaze on him. Her hip cocked, resting the toe to the injured leg on the ground trying to avoid putting weight on it. Her head was low and her ears were laced back in an angry defensive stare. Maybe this was a bad idea.
Word count: 601/800
PC: 1/3 AP, 0/1 D
Setting: Endless Blue after sunset, mild weather.
Damage: Torn stifle from the fall- very painful to bear weight on. Flesh wound to the hip from Ashamin's bite.
Paradox’s expression and cry—something between scorn and fear—was enough to tell Ashamin to stop. By the time she was gone from him, so far that he was charging at full speed, he knew for sure that he should just let her go.
Let’s go back, though, to the moment when his teeth closed over the flesh of her hip. In the split second before, he’d watched the mare injure her leg, but there had not been enough time for him to pull away and give space to recover. His grip was firmer than he wanted, so his mouth went quickly soft. When he pulled away, the retreat was so gentle that it felt to him as if it had been from a kiss.
In his haste, the Clovenheart found his hind legs shuffling to his right, thus angling his front towards her hindquarters. His thoughts, though, were too muddled with the echo of her outcry to think about his own safety. As a result, Ashamin was not able to prepare himself for her attack. He had little opportunity to guard against the onslaught of her hooves, and it was all he could do to throw his head in the air and place himself in a shallow rear.
The whites of his eyes rolled in surprise, but Ashamin supposed he shouldn’t have been so shocked that a mare as quick as Paradox would be able to recover so quickly. If not for the shifting of his position after biting Paradox or the quick raising of his forehand, Ashamin was sure the mare would have struck his jaw.
As it were, Ashamin was not far enough to avoid her entirely but was not so close that he took the full force of her buck. Her hind hooves struck just below the base of his neck, each pressing against his chest. For the first time, he found himself dramatically benefited by the thick flesh and fur that had grown along his underside. A combination of his distance from Paradox, her lesser strength, and the bulk of his neck mane buffeted the blow, so though a chunk of hair flew off into the sand and a solid bruise began to form, he did not feel too winded.
When Paradox’s hooves returned to the sand, so too did Ashamin’s. With the added weight and constriction of the antlers along his spine the rear had been difficult to maintain; it was something he was not yet used to balancing. His chest hummed as electricity moved within him, reaching out with soft fingers to heal the vessels that were blue and broken beneath his glowing chest. The Clovenheart took the moment to recover, and upon seeing Paradox’s expression turned his attention to himself instead. Had he not looked down, perhaps Ashamin would not have noticed the specks of blood pressing through a thin scrape over the bruise. The muscle ache would hurt more than the scrape, which was already slowing its lackluster flow and sporting little healing sparks, but he couldn’t help but let his mouth part some at the unexpected sight.
Though perhaps he heard her retreat, and knew that there was no use in saying anything more, Ashamin spoke before looking up. “Good job. You responded quickly,” was all he told Paradox at first—a quiet compliment almost whispered from lips that still felt tender and strange after biting her. “But next time,” was all he could say before he looked up and saw her: a figure retreating across the shore.
He would have said “Next time don’t kick with an injured leg,” but there wasn’t any time. Annoyance rose in his breast but he did not have the time to tamper it down with his magic the same way that he had emboldened the mare.
Given how soon she’d run off, Ashamin wasn’t sure it had worked.
No, the moment she ran off his advice changed and he screamed it out, his voice feeling weak as he pressed it into the air. “Next time don’t run away!” was all he could manage as he ran forward, his hooves feeling as if they were pulled into the sand with every step. Ashamin saw Rakt following out of the corner of his eye, aiding the Clovenheart expressly against his wishes. Still, Ashamin couldn’t complain when he felt one of Rakt’s spirits bless him with heightened speed so that he might better gain on the mare. When he saw Paradox stop, he angled to approach her right and attempted to slam his left shoulder against her side. Ashamin forgot about the antlers branching out from his back that could accidentally cut her. All the Clovenheart could think about was the buzzing, healing bruise in his chest that burned with his labored breath.
Teaching Notes
Wow, this is off to a great start! I'm very excited. Here's some notes on a very good first post!
+ Breed/Stat Differences: You did an awesome job of having Paradox size Ashamin up and figure out how their different sizes would affect their stats, but all the while you wrote it in a way that felt in character and not forced. Awesome job! This is something that is good to establish in the beginning and refer back to whenever you are taking damage or making attacks. I thought the most clever use of this was how Paradox was used to/bred for the sand since she's arabian, so she was able to handle it better than Ashamin. This combined breed notes with making use of the surroundings, so it was a perfect marriage. + Damage: I'm really impressed with how you took the damage. I don't normally give a plus for this in someone's first spar, so great job! It was smart of you to split this up between Ashamin's bite and her own mistake, because it meant you didn't have to take a devastating hit from Ashamin (which, given the tone of this spar, wouldn't have made as much sense.) All in all I think that the amount of damage you took given Ashamin's damage stat and the roll was smart and well done, keep up the good work. - Injury description: That said about damage, I would urge you to further describe your injuries. When you said that Ashamin planted a firm grip on her hip did he bruise her, scrape her with his teeth, etc? The details like that are important to know for yourself and your opponent, since injuries last and will come into play throughout a fight. Also as a note, judges (and generally I) don't read summaries, but your summary describes a hurt stifle from a fall that isn't in your post! - Positioning: For the most part you did a really good job with this. You were good about using your directionals and being clear about where you were moving. The only time this became an issue was at the end when you wrote "Putting a few hundred feet between them." This is, first of all, a very large distance. While horses can run pretty fast, arabians especially, this wouldn't be a move to take lightly or without description of her injured leg. Given that the Endless blue is between a rocky shelf and the ocean, it's also important to specify which direction she is running off in. But even if you said where she was going, it's a lot of distance to cover on three legs and the way that you worded it is sort of powerplay. Even when moving away from someone you should use words like "tried to" or "began to attempt," because that way it allows your opponent to attempt a closer attack. As is she is set in stone as being very far away, so your opponent no longer has the option of trying to stop her from running off and must just follow her a large distance, but also after she is already several hundred feet away (as you described.) Also remember that if that had been the last post of the fight, it might have been considered submissive, which would net you a penalty (from the rubric: -10 | ending the fight submissive (ex. not standing, begging for it to stop, running away.)) + Magic: Great job with the subtle incorporation of Ashamin's magic. You did a good job of writing the magic as intended and knowing its effects, and it seemed to make a difference in Paradox's actions and character. +/- Attack: Your attack was smart and well described, but the one thing I'll encourage you to do is think about how injuries affect attacks. Obviously when she lands she feels the pain from before shooting up, but given that her hip/hock is pretty compromised (a 5 is nothing to laugh off) you would think a leg based attack followed by a long run wouldn't be her preferred next move. That said, if you wished to express that Paradox was maybe inexperienced and so she didn't think about her injury before attacking, that makes sense. Just be clearer about that next time if that was your goal. ~ Items: Just a minor note, but if your opponent explicitly mentions that they are wearing items, it's probably something your character should be noticing too. If they don't mention something in their first post you can assume they don't have it on them, but if it's mentioned then it's there.
See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead
The pain pulsed within her like a heartbeat. Radiating down through her hock and up into her hip; all from the central location of the stifle. She considered surrendering, waving a white flag and calling it quits. After all, this was only a teaching spar- was it smart to take this much damage? Yet, she was not that type and she could not bring herself to just give up. Paradox was no quitter and she could not disappoint Ashamin that way. His tones broke- a hushed scream pelting into her ears. Next time don’t run away! And suddenly she felt he was already disappointed in her. She wanted to apologize, say she was sorry, go back and change the fact that she had acted cowardly, but she didn't have time. Her dished face was erected immediately, her ears pricking forward and then lacing back again. He was coming for her. Quickly. The deer was close behind, offering what seemed to be a push that sent Ashamin even faster towards her.
Her heart began racing again, the adrenaline coursing through her like a river that runs rapid down a mountain said- fast, rough, dangerous. She took a step back, her injured leg sinking into the sand only to immediately be pulled right back up. OW! How would she do this? How could she finish? The movement caused the skin to move at her hip, causing the flesh wound to bleed and a sting to emit through the area. This was pissing her off. This pain- from so many areas. Ears remained locked against her skull and she widened her forelimbs, bracing herself for a tough blow, but also lowering herself to give her the opportunity to dart either way if it was possible. His large lumbering body was quickly upon her now. Four strides. Three strides. Two strides. One stride. She counted down his strides and then attempted to make a roll back to the left. Lack of experience mixed with a rush of adrenaline caused her to forget about the injury she had previously sustained. She winced, crying out in pain as she toppled down onto her hip.
Somehow, this fall avoided her the heavy blow of his large frame against hers, but the angle and way she collapsed sent the sharp antler from his back slicing up the right side of her from her wither up towards mid neck, tangling and pulling some of the dreads loose from her neck. She felt the blood instantly as it coated her orange hide. Burning. It was burning from the sweat that coated her body and now leaked inside of her wound. The wound was deep enough, that in a domestic world, stitches may have been necessary, but it was only the hide that was split. Though, she didn’t have time to think about it, she had to mark back. She scrambled up from the ground, trying to avoid putting weight on the left rear leg, only to topple again like a small foal taking its first steps before she was finally up. Damn it. She cursed in her head.
She twisted carefully on her right hide leg angling herself toward him and threw her right forelimb at Ashamin, attempting to strike a shoulder or knee- hoping to scrape the skin or even cause some muscular or bone damage. At the same time, she reached forward with her teeth, snapping them at his hide trying to land a mark somewhere on his body. The pain shot through her at that moment and she drew back quickly, slamming her front right hoof back into the ground angrily. Her eyes pleaded to Ashamin, questioning herself; questioning her skill. She felt like she was utterly failing, but then again her opponent was much larger and much more versed in this arena. She wanted to do good, wanted the approval from him, but she felt as though she was dying with each passing minute. Pain was not something Paradox partook in, usually it was something she took all measures to avoid.
Word count: 675/800
PC: 2/3 AP, 0/1 D
Setting: Endless Blue after sunset, mild weather.
Damage: Wound up her neck that filleted the skin wide enough to need stitches if it were domestic. Will probably be difficult to heal. Pulled out some of her mane, but it came fairly easy since it was dreaded.
Wishlist Magic and some PP allowed on Paradox, aside from death.
Before Ashamin could even attack Paradox, she pulled away. Perhaps she had been trying to dodge him, perhaps trying to fight back; Ashamin had no way of knowing. All the Clovenheart knew was that he found his shoulder hitting air, and he was forced to quickly dig his left forehoof into the ground to stabilize himself so he, too, didn’t fall.
The sharp stop, though, caused his hindquarters to swing. The antlers along his spine shifted too, and as if they had a mind of their own—as if they were still fighting without him—one of the antlers shifted lower and managed to cut Paradox’s flesh. Ashamin’s black eyes grew wide, the whites showing in slivers, as fear struck through him. No, not again, not again. He didn’t want to hurt her like this. Only, that was the problem with Ashamin the Clovenheart. He’d never been very good at knowing his own strength, even when he had had none.
Ashamin tried to stumble back and away, but the antlers had slid more to his left and he found himself off balance. When he watched Paradox get up it was like watching a dream, for it did not seem real to him that the mare he’d now hurt so much would still press on. She had spark, he had to give her that. It was clear that Paradox would keep fighting for as long as she had to, and he admired that, but he almost wished she would ask him to stop. Since she wouldn’t, it seemed that he would have to end things.
Just as he was about to though, he saw her foreleg striking forth out of the corner of his eye. Ashamin angled his left shoulder away but he missed her only narrowly. Pulling to his right only barely began to straighten his spinal piece, which felt heavier by the second. Even the weight of his necklace, which usually did not bother the Clovenheart, was wearing on him. Ashamin found his head hanging lower, and his neck feeling stiff. Every once and a while when a charm would swing back and strike the bruise on his chest, he would wonder if they were hitting harder than usual as he winced.
He opened his mouth once more to speak, but Paradox’s lips were open wider. A snort erupted from his nostrils as her teeth clamped unexpectedly on his flank, creating pinprick spots of blood beneath his skin. The bruise was another irritation, but as he sidestepped once more and felt a few hairs pull off of his hide, he knew it was nothing compared to Paradox’s wounds. The mare stood, gravely injured, and all he could complain of was a bruise or two. At the end of this, he would be fine. Ashamin looked at her, bleeding, missing a lock or two now tangled around his antlers, and wondered what could possibly be keeping her going.
At last, though, there was quiet. “I think that’s enough for now,” Ashamin said, his voice calm but scratchy. He tried to ignore the bruises on his chest and side, but their dull aches were persistent. “You should re—“ but he had to stop, for before he could continue and end this, once and for all, his companion charged forward.
Later, it would become clear that Rakt had not meant so much harm. The red cerndyr was merely feeling left out, perhaps a little irritated that his bonded had first banned him from fighting and then proceeded to operate so thanklessly after Rakt had aided him. They would all come to recognize that, just like his bonded, Rakt did not know his own strength. In that moment, however, Ashamin could only shout, anger rushing to his tongue like a wild thing. “Rakt, stop!”
It was too late, though, for the cerndyr was already barreling towards the mare with his head low and swinging, golden antlers aiming for her right gaskin.
WC: 659/800 PC: 3/3 AP, 0/1 D
So sorry for the wait!
Teaching Notes + Emotion: Great job here! The emotion was so present, and it changed throughout your post as things started to happen. Paradox's response to the situation and pain were key, and the way she is thinking about this spar as a teaching spar (but perhaps one gone too far) sets the reader in the scene. She seems scared in a way that makes sense, but also like she doesn't want to disappoint Ashamin. The layers of her character are present here and it made for a great read. + Prose: Paradox's emotion coupled with your writing was awesome. Wonderful post overall, and good job making sure you don't have grammar mistakes or the like. +/- Items: This is sort of an upside and a downside here. Good job noting Ashamin's item, but in the future make sure to not make use of these in your post unless you have to. - Increased Damage: So, damage. The weird thing about it is pain that continues from previous posts is realistic and good, especially if the pain was serious. The only problem is, exacerbating these previous wounds or injuries counts as additional damage. So while you've done a good job keeping track of all the damage, you have to make sure you don't make it sound as if you are taking new damage from it continually, or at least not if you plan on taking additional damage. That said, your fall was an interesting way to take damage while not taking the hit from Ashamin directly. Creative moves like that are key. I'm confused as to why you chose, then, for the antler piece to cut her. The fall was damage enough (if not too much, since that does put her in a very vulnerable position and that takes time to get up from) so the cut was unnecessary. Even on its own the cut probably would have been more damage than you needed to take. Ashamin only rolled a 2, so a deep cut needing stitches is already overkill. I know damage is tricky, but if you find you are taking too much a lot like this then just go ahead and take less than you think you need to for awhile until you've figured it out. If judges and teachers tell you you're taking too little then, you'll have to find an in between. + Magic/Companion: Just a little note here, but good job making note of Rakt and his magic! This sort of thing often gets overlooked so yay for paying attention to that detail.
See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
Do not tag me, please message on skype instead
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