She hadn't been back to this place since the aftermath of the first battle with the gods of the rift, and maybe that made it seem all the stranger. It was an odd thing to think but that was when she'd been highest (when she'd felt the most like a true Sultana) when she could fight and defend against some outside enemy. It had been a slow slide down ever since then. Had it started with that meeting? Where she'd been trying to hard to do what was right and only comoing up as wrong... Was that when the herd had started to turn on her? "No." she whispered, answering the question as it crossed her mind. "No, Megaera they were never behind you in the first place."

Whether that was really true or not, the dejected Sunspear was truly beginning to believe it, to feel it, and oh, those feelings cut so deep. She'd given everything, or had tried her best, between her children and her herd she had tried to pour out every drop of her blood and again and again she had failed. She'd stretched herself too thin that despite all those lovely good intentions she was lower now that she'd ever been, and it felt all the worse now that she knew what if was to rise.

There was only one thing to do now, as far as she saw, only one duty that would not be stripped from her, and that was watching over Vastra and Castor. Asavvi was gone, and without a clue as to why or how, what good was looking anymore? She couldn't give up hope that her little starry-eyed girl was alive and well somewhere but leaving all to look for her again would just leave the two little ones motherless as well. Mordecai had grown, and Nizho too could take care of himself, those two had always been brave and bold, Meg trusted they could look out for themselves (had already had to do so for far too long) but Asavvi had been so timid, so gentle... How could she have defended herself? And the little twins were still so young.

She could hear them exploring, just out of sight from where she stood near the edge of the blood-like waterfall. They wouldn't linger too long here, but she didn't want to frighten them, to squash their sense of adventure and so she let them push the boundaries with Gwaihir keeping a keen eye from the canopy. And much as Megaera and her companion had been at odds lately, they at least would always be in accord when it came to watching her little ones. 

ooc:: 99% feelings 1% standing around >.>