the Rift


[PRIVATE] natural disaster

Mesec the Nightwind Posts: 476
World's Edge Glazier atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Stallion :: Tribrid :: 16.3hh :: 7 years old HP: 76 | Buff: NOVICE
Lucius :: Royal Zephyr :: Roc & Lyra :: Common Kitsune :: Dreams Sarah
#1


It was hard to focus on the talk of the sea-horse-creature-thing when there were so many faces in the crowd that drew Mesec’s attention instead. One in particular he had to actively force himself to not stare at. The relief at knowing Zero was walking and whole was so overwhelming it made Mesec’s pulse beat rapidly and loudly in his ears, drowning out the chatter of the collection of foals that was gathering around his children. He wanted to interrupt everything, to shout at his friend (were they still friends?) that he was sorry. But words were hollow and meaningless compared to the betrayal that Mesec had performed.

And he was sorry but he did not deserve to be forgiven. The fact that nothing more had happened, that Mesec had been able to stop himself from killing someone he loved, was almost inconsequential - he should have never for a single moment allowed weakness and darkness to override him enough for a single scratch to be laid on Zero. It was unforgivable what he had done.

What Mesec wouldn’t do to take it all back, to make it so that he had never hurt Zero.

Truthfully, it was Lucius that reminded him of the memory locking key - as the zephyr reached out to nip at it where it rested in Mesec’s mane along with the motley of other trinkets he collected there. After the reminder, it was only a matter of waiting until the crowd began to disperse. Those moments were absolute agony as Mesec tried to guess how he would be greeted. Would Zero scream? Would he run and hide from the monster his silver-lined friend had shown him? Would he fight like the brave, incredible boy that he was?

Lucius, again, was the one that snapped Mesec out of the tidal wave of nightmares by nipping him lightly when there was enough space to move.

First, he addressed his children - nudging each twin gently to get their attention. “You two stay out of trouble, okay?” His silver eyes drifted between them both but he managed a weak smile for them. Their presence did make it easier to cope, to snuff out all the dark thoughts, but the effect was only temporary. It would leave him as soon as he stepped away from Vesper’s energetic presence and Virga’s watchful gaze. “I’ll uh… I’ll be right back.”

As the crowd dispersed, Mesec drifted - just far enough that he hoped he would be visible to Zero while still sticking close enough to his kids to keep an eye on them as well. Fortunately, he had an extra set of eyes in Lucius but the zephyr was sticking close to him, unwilling to let Mesec face  He wanted to approach the young stallion, wanted to offer him the gift of the key he wore in his mane, but he couldn’t bring himself to actually move closer. He didn’t want to force his presence on someone he still cared about, someone he had hurt so thoroughly. If Zero didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to approach him, he’d be free to look the other way and join some of his other friends.

But it would be his choice to do so, not Mesec’s. It was the very least that could be done.


forever isn't long enough when I'm with you

art by tierren at deviantart.com
please tag Mesec in replies
non-life threatening force is allowed at all times

Zèklè Posts: 166
Outcast atk: 8.0 | def: 10 | dam: 3.5
Colt :: Pegasus :: 14.1 :: Three HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
charks
#2


You see him-

-and he's a black spot in a sea of sand, a familiar body with two smaller ones beside it, one of which you know and one you don't but both mirrors of Mesec in different ways. Through the distance and the haze of excitement he is somewhat indistinct, a fuzzy point of friendship and something else, something more, something you don't focus on now because you're busy and there are things to do and people to talk to and plans to make.

But when the plans are done and the people leave you find yourself looking, sunbeam eyes scanning at the coastline for that point of black, a needling need prickling at your neck. You peer into the sunlight, through the dispersing strangers, afraid that you lost him, that he took the mini-Mesecs and left. There are so many questions you want to ask him, so many strange empty points of uncertainty you somehow believe he has the capacity to fill. So you set off down the beach, your one wing pulled close against your body, searching until finally you see him-

-and he's a tangle of uncertainty in an equine body, a pair of pliers that pulls at your brain, searching for things you've hidden far from yourself. You falter, then, suddenly dreading this reunion, suddenly leaden in your bones. Why? What do you have to be afraid of? This is Mesec after all, one of your oldest friends, who taught you about mortality and played with you on a beach much like this. You steel yourself - it's just the weather, just the crowd, just the strangeness of Kisamoa - and step toward the tribrid, a not-quite-vibrant half-grin spreading across your lips.

He's looking for you, that's obvious now, though you don't quite meet his silver eyes, don't quite focus on the curves of his body. You look at the sand near his hooves, his shoulders, the children who linger within sight but out of earshot (when did he have children?), at Lucius, whose sharp beak and talons set off warning bells in your mind, warning bells you disregard because this is Mesec, this is your friend, and you're being stupid, stupid, stupid. At last you half-laugh and raise your head, his name rising jovially to your lips as you meet his silver gaze, "Mes-!"

The words die on your lips. You see him-

-and you remember.

Like a kick in the teeth it all comes back: silver eyes and a broken jaw, leering laughter and falling blood. The world goes dark at the edge of your gaze; you're back in the forest, lying on your back, and you can feel the pain in the scars on your legs and flank, smell the heat of his breath, you hear the snarl of your name from those lips, and you see him, the friend you know wrapped in the skin of a monster, sharp claws and casual loathing replacing the love you had come to expect. Your eyes widen, and the blood leaves your face, and you stagger backwards a step, two, deaf to everything but the pounding of your heart in your ears.

You're gasping, but the air doesn't make it further than your throat, and you can feel your organs scream for oxygen. That pain brings you back and you find yourself blinking, tears you didn't know you'd shed (how often have you cried, this year?) biting angrily against your eyes. There is light in the world again; you can hear waves, and voices, and smell the salt of the ocean, but all you see is him. You are a bundle of nerves and muscle and fear, a child in the face of his demons, a trusting soul suddenly confronted with the betrayal you'd denied this whole time, and he is your nightmares, the truth you couldn't face, your oldest friend.

"It... it was you. It was you. Mesec- why?"

Your voice shakes. Hell, your whole body shakes. You're a crumbling sandcastle, a house of cards- you understand nothing, and one wrong move could lead to your collapse. The places where he struck you still throb, but they are nothing beside hurt in your heart, the way it's shattering inside your chest, a stone eroded by one wave too many, no longer sure it can keep its keeper from falling into the sea.

sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart

art by tierren at deviantart.com

Mesec the Nightwind Posts: 476
World's Edge Glazier atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Stallion :: Tribrid :: 16.3hh :: 7 years old HP: 76 | Buff: NOVICE
Lucius :: Royal Zephyr :: Roc & Lyra :: Common Kitsune :: Dreams Sarah
#3


It was so much worse than Mesec had ever imagined, seeing that recognition appear in his friend’s sunbeam eyes and knowing that he remembered everything. Mesec’s heart withered and died there on the beach as he saw the familiar, jovial smile vanish in a heartbeat to be replaced by things Zero should never have felt. He deserved so much more than what Mesec had given him. It had been too much to hope that the trauma had already been buried deep - that it wouldn’t affect the ray of light that was the young stallion Mesec had grown to admire and love. Watching that recognition - the fear, and the shaking, - grow and take over Zero’s body was more than Mesec could bear. Those stumbling steps backward were knives into his flesh but that was no more than he deserved.

His instinct was to move through the gap between them, to drape his wings around the smaller stallion and apologize until his breath left him. But he wouldn’t - or, perhaps, couldn’t. Not even death would absolve him of his sins. His hooves were rooted to the sand and it felt like nothing could move him.

Nothing except Zero.

It was you.

Why?

Mesec with the dying heart thought the worse pain he could feel was being aware of his claws tearing into Zero’s flesh but this moment was the worse. Before he could make excuses, say that it wasn’t truly him but there was no alter-ego to blame for his actions now. The warg was gone and it left behind a hollow man.

The first words out of him in response were quiet chokes as his silver eyes glossed over with tears. “I’m so sorry.” Mesec could apologize every day until the end of the world and it would never be enough to make up for what he had done.

For this, he would not be a coward. He would not look away from the damage he had wrought, from the distrust and pain that he had installed in his friend with each slice and bite and drop of blood.

With a steadying gulp, he tried to find the words - though his voice remained strained and quiet. “I didn’t mean to… I would never intentionally...” His words felt inadequate, nothing he could possibly say would mean anything in the wake of his actions and he knew that, but he couldn’t help but try to explain - to answer that one simple question Zero was asking of him. “I didn’t have control... not until the very end. I do now, my mother she helped me with that…” But those were things that did not need to be explained, they happened afterwards and were of no help to Zero. Still, Mesec wanted his friend to know there was no danger now.

He didn’t want to waste time, didn’t want to force Zero to stand in his presence for longer than necessary when it was clearly causing distress. Better for Mesec to give him what he wished and leave Zero in the care of those that loved him and did not hurt him. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I know that, and I won’t ask for it but I have something for you.” Lucius took the glittering key out from his bonded’s mane and held it out so that Zero could see it while Mesec’s eyes never left Zero’s face. “It will lock away your memories of that morning… of what I did. I never wanted to cause you pain Zero, please let me fix it. I don’t know if this is the right way to do that but it’s all I can do, it’s all I have.”  


forever isn't long enough when I'm with you

art by tierren at deviantart.com
please tag Mesec in replies
non-life threatening force is allowed at all times

Zèklè Posts: 166
Outcast atk: 8.0 | def: 10 | dam: 3.5
Colt :: Pegasus :: 14.1 :: Three HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
charks
#4


You stare blankly, your mind waiting for something, anything, to click into place and make sense. Mesec's face is apologetic, his grief sincere, but you cannot see it through the hazy place inside your mind where you've now retreated, desperately unsettled and deeply hurt. Why remains the primary question: why did he do it, why did you let him, why did you forget? Because now you remember everything, every bite and every scream, every bit of hope in your heart being steadily snuffed out by those snapping teeth. What were you thinking, you wonder, dashing in like an imbecile to try and save your friend from himself?

But then, what other choice did you have? Your nature permitted no recourse.

I'm sorry, he tells you, the words swimming around your murky brain like so many fish, nipping at neurons that refuse to fire. Explanations follow, but you are too numb to care, too deaf to hear. They are insignificant now, though in a little crevice of your shattered heart they do matter. Somewhere you are processing this, the look on his face, the anguish in his eyes, and reflecting on the anguish that seems to stalk the ones you love. His expression is Isopia's after her confession, Ma's after her return, and something about it pierces your haze and sticks there, quivering, waiting for you to notice and make sense of it.

But you can't. Not yet.

You take a deep breath, the air shuddering as it slides down your throat, and do not look at Mesec. He thinks he doesn't deserve your forgiveness, that you can't forgive him, but that's not the problem, is it? The problem is that you don't blame him, never have - you never could, for to ascribe blame would be to designate intentionality to Mesec's actions, and that is something your small mind cannot take. Mesec is your friend, your family; and just as you could not recognize the beast in him then, so do you deny his culpability now. This, however, presents a new challenge: you have nowhere to pin your betrayal, no one to release your hurt and anger upon. For despite it all you do feel betrayed, do hurt and rage at the injustice cast upon you- not by him, nor even by Ma, but by the world, a world you once believed to be bright and beautiful, but now can only see in dreary shades of grey.

You kind of see the key, but again, it's hard to focus. It's hard to focus on anything right now. "How do you fix it?" you wonder in a whisper, boyish voice cracking with the weight of your pain. "Sometimes I think there's a crack in the world, and all of the sadness and bad things come out of there, and I keep trying and trying, but I can't ever make it shut."

When did things get so dark, so hard? You used to be Zèklè the Lightning Boy, Badass of the Dragon's Throat, Seeker of Answers and Adventurer Extraordinaire. You lived a simple life of simple needs, always ready to find the next big question, always safe in your knowledge that nothing would ever really change. But now...

Now there are only questions, only change, and everything is complicated, and you just want it to end.


sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart

art by tierren at deviantart.com


@Mesec

Mesec the Nightwind Posts: 476
World's Edge Glazier atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Stallion :: Tribrid :: 16.3hh :: 7 years old HP: 76 | Buff: NOVICE
Lucius :: Royal Zephyr :: Roc & Lyra :: Common Kitsune :: Dreams Sarah
#5


Of course Zero wanted to shut out all the sadness and bad things in the world, sadness deepening in Mesec’s eyes as he listened to his friend’s painful words. It was a little naive of Zero, sure, but incredibly brave at the same time. That was the lightning boy that he knew, the one who had tried to coax him back from the darkness that had taken him that morning in the woods, that didn’t start trying to run until things had gotten too dark and too scary and even then he never gave up. Mesec was haunted by the memories, pieced together by what Lucius remembered and what he woke up to while the warg was still in control.

But he would never stop being proud of how Zero had acted.

“I don’t know.” Came Mesec’s answer haltingly, quietly, his gaze drifting down to the sand at Zero’s hooves - hoping that by averting his gaze he might make the younger stallion feel a little more comfortable in his presence. Maybe if his eyelashes partially hid those pupil-less eyes they wouldn’t remind Zero of the warg so much.

He toyed with Zero’s question, the idea of a crack in the world that leached bad things into this one. If anyone was able to patch it up, Mesec truly believed that the lightning-marked boy before him would be the one. But that wasn’t the way the world worked, no matter how much they wished it to be so. “If something like that really exists, I don’t think we can shut it. Not permanently.” There would always be sadness and darkness in the world - Mesec knew that, knew that light and happiness and good couldn’t exist without something to contrast it with. “We can just… we just have to try to fix what we can. To fight the sadness and bad things on a smaller scale when we can’t take on the world.”

Then his gaze flickered up, wondering if he was making any sense - wondering if he was even helping or just making all of this worse. He feared that his very presence had become toxic to Zero, that what he needed to do was just turn around and leave and never speak to him again.

Was it selfish of him to stay, to insist on trying to help when it seemed like there was nothing that he could do? Mesec didn’t know, but he couldn’t just give up. “And I think, for you, this key will help lock away some of that sadness. And then you can keep on helping making the world brighter.”


forever isn't long enough when I'm with you

art by tierren at deviantart.com
please tag Mesec in replies
non-life threatening force is allowed at all times

Sarah Posts: 7
Junior Administrator
Mare :: Equine :: 5'6'' :: 26
Sarah
#6
unarchived per request

Zèklè Posts: 166
Outcast atk: 8.0 | def: 10 | dam: 3.5
Colt :: Pegasus :: 14.1 :: Three HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
charks
#7


He doesn’t have an answer. How could he? Mesec doesn’t know why the world is wicked; he’s a victim just like you, fallen prey to a world that cannot let things be easy, that must coil and knot around itself until you and everyone else in it are tangled up like a giant Rat King, all gnashing teeth and beady eyes, hurting the people you love in attempt to save yourself. Still, somehow, it’s another blow- why can’t someone have a better answer besides that’s just the way it works? You stare at him blankly as he continues to speak, too wounded, too numb to do much more than that. You wish you could go back to five minutes ago. You wish you’d never sought him out, never come to say hello. You wish you were still ignorant, because at least ignorance was easy - even if you were frightened every day, at least you could still believe in your friends.

Something else is starting to peek through your comfortable blanket of denial and shock, your easy mentality of woe is me. Maybe it’s the way he’s avoiding your eyes; maybe it’s the wretched tone of his voice. Maybe you’re just a sorry sucker who would rather focus on the problems of other people because it helps you hide better from your own. Whatever the reason, your mind has belatedly caught on to the whole erase your memory clear your pain deal. You still rebel viscerally against the concept of just locking away your mind, because after all, what are you except your experiences? But man, after seeing the change in Isopia that erasing painful memories left behind, you can’t help but feel a little tempted to latch on to this plan – to forget this conversation, that night, and all the moments of pain and fear that have haunted your steps in the time between.

How lovely it would be, to just forget! To no longer bear the weight of betrayal around your neck. And don't you deserve that, after all you've been through? Haven't you've earned this? Let Mesec carry the guilt of it- it’s his fault, after all, not yours. You didn’t make him attack you – hell, you tried to save him! He's the one who tried to kill you! There you go, kid, you tell him. Get mad! Fight back now, let him feel the weight you've had to deal with, let him be the one with all the pain!-

-Is what you don't think, even though you should. But your mind is too small, too malformed, to harbor thoughts of revenge. Perhaps it's a side effect of being dropped so many times - you did, after all, get knocked out pretty hard on this very island. Maybe you're physiologically an idiot. It would explain so much.

Instead you think of Isopia, bearing her terrible secret; of your Ma, weighed down forever by the terrible things that have happened to her; of Iskra. Will Mesec's children have to suffer the way your brother does, bound to a sire who cannot overcome the weight of what he's done, what he's gone through? Will they be neglected like your Sparky; like the baby Isopia couldn't even bear to bring into the world? You don't have others who need you. You don't have children. You already hold Iso's memories for her, and Ma's.

Can't you hold onto Mesec's, too?

“Fight the sadness and bad things on a smaller scale.” Your thoughts go to the small stone under your wing, dark and clouded and waiting for you to help, to make something right. Where better to begin, than with your dearest friends?

"You use it," you whisper, boyish voice barely audible above the pounding in your ears. Your sunbeam eyes are transfixed on the ground; you are rigid with effort, for it those three words took all the courage you have, all the stupid, naive, idiotic selflessness you can possibly muster. Your voice shakes like a leaf in the wind. Why do so many bad things seem to happen to you here?

"You use it," you repeat, sunbeam eyes raising to meet his own, a quiet, desperate plea in your strangled voice. "And forget. Please." Please, don't give me a chance to change my mind.


sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart

art by tierren at deviantart.com


@Mesec ;~;

Mesec the Nightwind Posts: 476
World's Edge Glazier atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Stallion :: Tribrid :: 16.3hh :: 7 years old HP: 76 | Buff: NOVICE
Lucius :: Royal Zephyr :: Roc & Lyra :: Common Kitsune :: Dreams Sarah
#8


Of course, it was never as easy as Mesec hoped -  the whispered voice of Zero dragging Mesec’s gaze to the boy - uncertain if he had even heard it correctly, not until those three words were repeated. “What?” They were exchanging whispers - this single word little more than a breath. Mesec had thought about it - but it took all of two seconds to dismiss the thought permanently. The weakness in him, as much as there was of it, always came second to his desire to save others first. When his mother had given him the key, he had thought of Zero - thought of how much better his friend’s life would be without the memories of that morning in the woods around the Blood Falls.

Of course Mesec wanted to forget, wished that he could, but he wanted his friend to forget more.

The plea in Zero’s desperate voice is heart-wrenching and Mesec did not dare move out of fear that he would come crashing to the ground, that his knees would give way. There was a lot that Mesec would give to him but this… this felt too much. He was already shaking his head, this silver eyes pleading as he tried to explain how impossible it was. “I can’t do that.” Not won’t but quite literally can’t. If he could have, he would not have carried it around this entire time, waiting for the chance to see his friend again. “Zero…” His name was a painful croak in Mesec’s mouth, an affectionate nickname that he felt he no longer had any rights to use.  “I don’t deserve to forget. I should carry the weight of what I did for the rest of my life. I hurt you, worse than I ever want to hurt anyone I love. Forgetting that…” Again he shook his head, torn between wanting to move backward and move forward, but still rooted to the same spot. “I can’t.” It was a strange, twisted sort of penance, perhaps, but one that should be carried out all the same.  

Lucius took off from Mesec’s back, landing between the two stallions but a little closer to Zero, placing the key on the ground and nudging it forward a little bit. He released a small, sad cry - the third part in this sad exchange. Lucius had fought Mesec on that morning, caused harm to his bonded to protect someone that he loved.



forever isn't long enough when I'm with you

art by tierren at deviantart.com
please tag Mesec in replies
non-life threatening force is allowed at all times


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