The battle hawk doesn't understand adults. Truly, they are unruly and undeserving of their complex brains, in his childish opinion. He simply loathes the idea of growing up, if only because all the adults in his life seem so bitter and entitled to their petty little grudges.

All of this comes from the fact that his mother was loathe to share any information regarding Tilney, and Gawen was bound and determined to find out everything about his idol - from the stallion's favorite grazing spot, to favorite songbird, to everyday habits. Let it be said that Gawen does nothing by halves. When Gawen had a fascination, he went after it much like falling down a well - all at once and usually causing bodily harm on the way down.

So Gawen resorted to stalking his favorite Doctor. Okay maybe not favorite because Gawen had stalked, accosted, and begged all of the healers except Evangeline so far. And Lyanna was kind of his favorite, because she was like a mom, considering her scent was ingrained into his little brain having been at his birth, and of course she also always allowed him to get away with stuff. Which was suh-WEET. But still, Gawen idolized Tilney. He was the reason Gawen continually begged for a cape from Raeden (which she always said no to, thanks mom), and why he wished he'd been born with green eyes instead of blue. Because Tilney was cool and he had a lantern and he spoke pretty and he was MAUDE'S DAD.

In short, Gawen pretty much had a puppy crush on Tilney, and would gladly hoist the stallion upon a pedestal until the day he died.

No Gawen didn't know why he liked Tilney so much, but Gawen also didn't pay attention to that kind of stuff. Gawen was, in some ways, very primordial. While undoubtedly an intellectual with his thirst for knowledge and endless curiosity, Gawen never took the time to understand the meaning behind mothers and fathers. Lyanna and Tembovu were mother and father to him just as Raeden was, simply because their scent had imprinted upon him at birth. Gawen similarly never questioned his gut instincts, and didn't think too deeply on why he felt things the way he did.

Which leads us to here.

Gawen badly trying to tail the tree-marked Doctor, doe-eyed and jelly-limbed as always. But this time he had a plan okay? He was actually going to talk to Tilney. And he meant it this time! No more wimping out!

So Gawen did as Gawen does and went leaping out of the snow towards the antlered stag, parading around in the snow with bright eyes and a wavering, nervous smile.

"HI DOCTOR TILNEY!" he pretty much shouted in the poor brute's face, wings fluttering like a nervous bird at his sides. Then he realized what he'd done and promptly withered like a moon flower beneath the sun, one hoof trailing nervously through the snow as he stared at the ground. You're such an idiot Gawen why do you even talk?! his thoughts whined. "I-I was wondering...if you were busy?" Nice save, kid.

The boy is met with a golden smile, and he smiles dazedly back, completely starstruck by the paternal kindness oozing from the flaxen stallion looking down at him. Not that he kept himself so far aloft, thankfully - the kindly face dipped closer to Gawen's sprouting height, and the boy's smile turned shy with the action. Nonetheless his entire body wiggled like an overexcited puppy at the cheerful hello that sprouted from Tilney's lips in answer to Gawen's horrendous manners. Raeden would be sure to chastise him if she ever caught him being so disruptive and disrespectful - luckily she was not here! She probably wouldn't appreciate the amazingness that was Tilney anyways, so she clearly didn't have room to talk regarding Gawen's manners.

"Herb gathering?" he gasped, lip trembling with the profound desire to ask to tag along. But he didn't want to be a pest, and anyways Tilney was still talking, which was far more important than any little thought spinning around in his head anyway. Gawen perked up and listened very attentively, face crestfallen at the admission of being busy. So he had been disruptive! His glass heart could practically be heard cracking, despairing over inconveniencing his favorite person in the whole wide world. It was too familiar to everything his mother ever said when she would leave to go scout targets or find items; "I'm busy Gawen, we can play later", "No Gawen you can't come I'm busy". It was a hurt that Gawen tried not to dwell on very often, preferring to ignore it rather than confront it.

It was quickly bandaged by Tilney's warm, steady hands; he was busy, but he wasn't leaving Gawen behind like all the others. He was inviting him.

Gawen's eyes were practically glowing electric blue and his face leaped right back into ecstatic happiness, dancing in place with a quiver of a gasp in his throat, wanting to shout that HE COULD HELP HE WAS DEFINITELY A GOOD ASSISTANT YES. But he'd already yelled in Tilney's face once, and that wasn't polite.

Like the young boy he was, Gawen absolutely fell for Tilney's little charade, and he gasped and bounced in place, eager to disprove his assumption. "No! No, I'm not cool at all!" The words fumbled in the wrong order, and Gawen fiercely shook his head to try and knock his brain into the right place. "I mean, I mean, I wanna hang out with you Doctor Tilney! Please!" His wings were vibrating so hard the downy fluff was scattering from the soft spots near his joints, and he clamped them hard around his belly with an embarrassed grin.

"I'll be quiet and uh and I'll try and walk right, I promise! You're the coolest Doctor Tilney, I wanna help!" Tiny head bobbed in sudden, firm affirmation, and his legs hopped together into the proudest pose he could muster. Twisting his lips into the most serious expression he knew, trying to appear mature and dependable and cool. Then he flicked his eyes tentatively to Tilney's greens, fluffy tail swishing and ruining the illusion, desperately hoping Tilney didn't think he was too cool for him. And what a compliment! What an honor! Gawen could surely die happy now, to know that Tilney thought he was COOL.

Tilney is very different from Raeden, Gawen can't help but think as he gazes up at the gentle smiling face and round, amused eyes. Raeden was a paragon of beauty and grace, cleanliness and appearance. Gawen strove to idolize her, but with every handhold that he fell short, he could see the chasm between them widening. Without a doubt the hawk knew that his mother loved him, but he also knew that she despaired over his lack of a father and Gawen's own peculiarities. He was not like the other foals, like Maude, as his mind so often circled back to. Maude, who would have been the perfect daughter to a mare like Raeden, with her inherent beauty and her kindness. Gawen knew his imperfections, tried to hold his head like mother said, to clasp his wings because he still did not know how to fly adequately, and Raeden could not teach him. Tried to be the son she wanted. Tried to be quiet and sneaky like she was, to be prim and clean and handsome. Instead, his legs wobbled and his wings shed down like a fuzzy fledgling, and his words came out wrong on the stream of his excitement. She would gently correct him, but it hurt more than she likely knew.

Tilney, in contrast, played to his characteristics like an actor. He let Gawen explore, and shout, and laugh. Laughed alongside him, at that. Lyanna was the only other friend Gawen had in the world, and the boy was slowly gluing himself to Tilney's side as time went by. He wanted to learn everything the gilded gentleman had to offer, soak up his aura like a sponge left too long without water. So when the stag turned them down the path and spoke of ferns, Gawen's ears were rapt and attentive. He murmured the words to himself softly, the name and description of the plant just as he had with Alysanne.

They wandered around together, their eyes scanning across foliage that did not reveal their intended bounty. Gawen, given a task his mind could settle with, felt the tension and excitement seep away into academia. And with it came the clarity he'd discovered with Alysanne - as if the herbs themselves and his love for them calmed his ever-racing mind. The only solace he'd found so far.

When Tilney called his name Gawen hummed softly in reply, reluctantly dragging his eyes from the search to focus on his mentor's words. At first his eyes lit up with the chance to impress Tilney, but then his mouth remembered that he didn't really have any friends and his little face went still. If he played dead, could he avoid the question?

"I...um...I think I'm friends with Maude?" his meek voice warbled out, suddenly unsure. "I don't know the other foals. But Anna and Miss Alysanne are really nice! They teach me sometimes!" He grasped onto the distraction with both desperate hands, ears perking back up and smiling a little too widely. Gawen wasn't stupid, he knew he was different and didn't have friends, but he didn't Tilney to know that. Not when Tilney thought he was cool. He cleared his throat and looked away, as if hunting for the fern once more. "But it's okay, I like the herbs. Mama says it's important to "know people", but I'm not much like mama anyway..." Gawen's voice trailed off, shoulders hiking up around his neck, suddenly nervous he'd said too much. Raeden had meant it in the way of knowing who could give you what, and the game of leverage and skill, but Gawen had only ever wanted friends. Except he was far too awkward to make them himself - thank the Gods that Maude was kind enough to have reached her hand out to him first.

Instead he went toddling off towards a glint of warm color, and lifted his head to call Tilney over. "Is this it?" Perfect distraction.