the Rift


BITE me | Murder (done)

Svetlana Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#1

[Image: b_and_w_by_ladyfey-d5j1ndw.png]

SVETLANA
the StormChaser



I pivoted on my hind legs, sweeping through the ancient battle drills. Sweat glinted on my coat, glittered in the stained curls of my silver neck, the excess heat steaming off my shining coat. A flutter of wings as I danced through war, fighting a thousand warriors in my head, nostrils flaring crimson in exhaustion. Hooves crunch through snow as I sway, letting the imaginary unicorn's silver horn slide past me. My neck curls as I nip, white teeth flashing to tear into that gray throat, to rip inside to spongy red flesh. Too soon, the flickering soldiers faded to smears on the wind, and disappeared from me, hiding. Cowards. I am puffing, snorting occasionally to expel the non-existent fluid, the heavy viscous blanket, draping over my lungs. Dried sweat cakes my woolly coat, but I am confident in my body's ability to adapt. Soon, I am certain, it will dissipate fully from my silver hide. I cough again, hacking up half a lung in the process, and let my head droop, suddenly weary now that the soldiers are long gone. My wings, half-open, my primary feathers dragging in the snow. Wow. When did everything begin to sparkle? My mind hadn't even begun the thought when the world tilted into focus again. White sky-fluff, piled into drifts and compacted in a thin sheet of ice over hard snow, gleamed like thousands of diamonds. A pulsing golden eye silhouetted the morning, painting the dark trees in vivid yellows, washing the shadowed land into glory like a scene out of a legend. Harsh shadows grate against the brilliance, hiding from the sun like a naughty colt from his dam.

Black hooves shift under me as my coal pillars re-align themselves under me. My eyes, devoid of any light, shift to explore this suddenly magnificent morning of Frostfall in the Threshold. No falling-white, nothing too icy. I test the ground under one hoof- firm, hard enough to break wing-bones if I were to fall. Pines, their needles sharp and unyielding against the light, spike the air, surrounding the small clearing. Ten feet by twelve at largest, with a mostly even surface. No morning mist, except for the lightest of gold smoke drifting a foot or two above the earth and crusty white shell. Altogether, fair fighting conditions if I should need it. As for myself, I have quickly recovered my breath from my imaginary spars. I am always so careful, so tedious, not to over-exert myself, so in case of sudden battle I would be prepared.

When my breathing is flowing even and steady, there is a shape. Will he attack me? Wait. It is Murder! I do not hesitate. My body contorts, muscles flexing, then exploding into power as I gallop across the clearing, skidding to a halt only feet before him. Muscle grinds under me as I rear, neck twisting, dark ears clamped to skull, teeth ready to rip into his fleshy blue neck, for my hooves to pummel him to a pulp. That little bastard will learn his lesson on etiquette for insulting me! Fucking unicorn.

""

OOC: Attack: Svetlana rears, aiming to crush into his chest with her hooves and she lunges to bite into his neck during the rear. Her momentum is all forward and (if) she hits him she will at least heavily bruise. Also hope the setting is okay and that I popped Murder in.
1/4 attack post
0/1 closing defense post

Picture Credit: My own



Murder Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#2
Snow has enveloped the earth in its frigid embrace. Several of the copious trees have their kindling weighed down to practically their breaking points. Murder never discerned how he felt about the season of silence. He found it to be exquisite in surplus ways, yet he wasn’t excessively fond of the bitter temperatures. Snowflakes pirouetted from the dreary firmament above and reposed upon Murder’s blue roan stained flesh. A chill darted up his vertebrae and triggered the muscles in his flanks, back and posterior to quiver abruptly, eradicating a fair bit of the ivory residue that had accumulated atop his cadaver. Not even his dense winter pelt could armor him from the arctic elements. Appendages conceded to his bulk and left pits in the powder where they transported him. Murder had but a moment ago departed from the scene of a crime that was committed against him and was on his way to correct it. The bastardly Gods had embezzled his stygian cohorts and introduced a fury to Murder in which he had never partook in before, and it was destroying him. Predominantly Murder is a very sane and intellectual baron, often practically pleasant in demeanor. Nevertheless that had altered with a vengeance and now Murder didn’t even care too much for his own abnormal behavior.

A vast array of contemplations distributed through Murder’s mind as he voyaged further out of the Threshold to commence his pursuit for an audience with the deities. His thoughts were only disturbed when he detected yet another equine, relatively few paces away, which appeared to be having a seizure. The bizarre way she seemed to be thrashing about begot Murder to cease to move as he observed her with bewildered voids. The snowfall had terminated now and the sun was inaugurating itself from behind the drab clouds, casting a citrine incandescence into the clearing the epileptic broad occupied. Murder stood in the shadows of an adjoining pine and viewed the mare with mild amusement. What the hell is she doing? Combating the wind? He mused with a hushed chuckle. Instantly the sterling femme anchored herself back onto the earth, coughing and wheezing like an obese middle aged man. Intuitively Murder took a step forward as the cognizance took hold of him, he had formerly met this convulsing wench however he never did receive her name. To be bluntly honest, he hadn’t wanted too. In the moment the realization hit him she looked in his vicinity and he stared back at her, perplexed. However he did not anticipate the actions that ensued. Rapidly she launched herself at him with bursting haste, and he identified what was to come, this shrew sought to battle.

A cackle absconded from his jaws as she came to rest in front of him and reared upon her diminutive hind pistons. If it was a fight she required then Murder would not reject her. Dropping his dome he hauled himself beneath her chest and thrashing cannons, capturing a scarce couple tepidly painful slices to the spine and withers. Murder acknowledged these abrasions would most likely not be so insignificant later but his mind was on clipping this haughty cherub’s wings. Pitching his anterior half maliciously upward he aimed to hit her in the expanse between her breast and gut with his withers and sharp scapula. Murder had a few inches on her and he was nearly convinced that on this slick terrain she would be catapulted to the soil with quite the clatter. If the harpy somehow succeeded in bypassing his prior barrage Murder recommenced his foremost legs to the earth and propelled himself from below her. When he felt as if his buttock was a decent distance from under the girl Murder thrust his astern appendages skyward while bucking at the bitch with ample force. He was uncertain if he would make contact but there was not a chance she could evade both attacks. Bring all fours once more to the frozen topography Murder revolved swiftly to assess what damage he had produced. He was agitated and hopeful that she had had plenty, but he wasn’t incompetent and could definitely distinguish that this vixen was tenacious. He was going to have to be in it for the duration, and already his irritation was building. Perhaps Murder would have apologized in the future, after he’d recovered his associates, but that route was now destroyed and he coveted to put her in her place. She was wasting his precious time and he would punish her for it.

{ ooc: His attack was getting under her when she reared and thrusting himself upwards in hoping to knock her off her feet. If that didn't work he rushed out from beneath her and bucked forcefully towards her shoulder and side. }

1/4 attack posts
Word Count: 755

Svetlana Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#3

[Image: b_and_w_by_ladyfey-d5j1ndw.png]

SVETLANA
the StormChaser



Dammit! Why did unicorns have to have horns? Blast it! I grunted as his horns slammed into my chest. Lucky for me, his horns naturally curved back, so it was more of a buffet than a deep cut into me. The leonine cow-tail slipped out from under my silver form, cow-feet kicking into my silver shoulder. Sheer luck saved my wings, as when he had thrown me off balance, it so happened that my wings had flown up. It was bad. I was out of practice, clearly. The ice-crusted snow gave way under me as I slithered, undignified, half-way across the clearing, before I dug my hooves in and yanked myself to a halt. White vapor rose from my red-fleshed nostrils as I snorted, annoyed. Unicorns! The deadly projectile from their head was altogether a dangerous enemy, no matter how inexperienced one may be.

"You cow-footed, half-faced, fucking little beast!" I snarl, anger seeping from every pore. I ready myself, obsidian hooves gathering under me. Muscles tense, as my ADHD brain analyzes every factor. Ice- check. Fog- check. The blue nut has to crack. I could always take off and just dive-bomb him, but that didn't strike me as very honorly. I shift, cat-like, and spring across the clearing. It was only small, after all, and a pegasus can always jump. As I leap, my wings outstretch, just a tiny bit, the primaries extending a touch. With a single flap, I am above the dual-horned head. Black hooves are coming down, ready to settle down on him, crush him under me like a big, fat, ugly black beetle.

""

OOC: Attack: Svetlana literally tries to jump on him...

2/4 attack post
0/1 closing defense post

Picture Credit: My own



Murder Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#4
A vivacious laugh fled from Murder’s gullet this time, much more jovial from the aforementioned as he watched the wench blunder cumbersomely across the perilous ice layered earth. The spectacle was truly one to behold. Such a colossally winged equine flapping and scraping transversely over the snow could make even the morose smile. This mare acted as if she thought so remarkably of herself and yet at this moment her dignity must have been obliterated. When she managed to cease her involuntary excursion to the opposite side of the glade Murder elevated his skull in anticipation of what antics she would be up to next. This bout had gone from an annoyance to a performance rather hastily. As he predicted the damsel’s disconcertingly ebonite chasms were on him once more, and they were occupied with a converted indignation. Abaft a veil of vapor from her nares he heard her shriek, causing his audial horns to clasp firmly to his cranium. "You cow-footed, half-faced, fucking little beast!" The smirk that was lastingly abundant upon Murder’s chops broadened with her slew of insults. Half-faced? What does that even mean? Murder speculated as he skewed his head to the left faintly.

Antecedently he could ruminate on this the harlot had propelled herself into the air upon her two-hued plumbed appendages and soared en route of him. Dome was sunk as she swiftly approached, those damned extensions gave her such an advantage. Murder had to deliberate hurriedly on what the ensuing best course of action should be, he hadn’t precisely foreseen having a nine hundred pound female to throw herself on him. Striding backwards and quickly rotating Murder stabbed his posterior supports out yet again targeting her solar plexus, his rearmost sinews bracing for the impact from her talons. As Murder had estimated the femme’s hooves collided with his rump, carving reasonably deep into his flesh and superficial gluteal muscles on either flank. A lax exhalation of discomfort was issued from Murder’s nostrils as he tried to ignore the sharp sting that had taken hold of his hindquarters. Returning his legs to the firm soil Murder hurled himself from under her all over again, dreads lashing out behind him as he sprinted. Rotating finally he scowled at her with ominous wrath. Blood percolated from his lacerations and seeped onto the compacted terrain, leaving a miniscule loch of vermillion liquid. Abruptly he bounded towards her with strident clanks from his cloven hooves. Stem outstretched and jowls open as Murder’s fangs hunted for her esophagus with passion. He had no aspiration to slay her, however maiming horrifically sounded magnificent.

{ ooc: His attacks was turning when she tries to land on him and bucking at her again, aiming for her stomach. After he gets out from under her he runs at her and tries to latch on to her throat with his teeth. }

2/4 attack posts
Word Count: 433

Svetlana Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#5

[Image: b_and_w_by_ladyfey-d5j1ndw.png]

SVETLANA
the StormChaser



There was a satisfying feeling of muscle giving way, as I landed, heftily, on his large blue rump. Only momentary, however. Goat-feet bucked up, popping into my chest with force, dislodging me like a tick from a dog. Murder ran, turning a few meters away, watching me. Sunshine suddenly illiuminated the scene, sparkling crisply on the pure snow, creating honey dew on the mist creeping along the earth. I was a little proud of myself, for that attack move was certainly new ground to me.

I bared my teeth at him, a low growl emitting from my vocals, much to my surprise. However, he threw himself back towards me, white teeth ready to cut open my throat. It wasn't, maybe, the best planned attack, for I was quite ready for him. I slipped easy-like to the side, hooves scrabbling for a grip on this damned hard-packed snow, hardly managing to avoid his snapping maw. I turned, pivoting on my hindquarters smoothly, lunging to try and give him another good bite on his hindquarters. Looks like I had only managed a lot of bum-hits today. Haha. I have such a sense of humor. Hooves danced under me as I shifted to a couple of feet away, readying my stance. Steel ears pinned to my scalp, I again snap playfully at the air, eyes sparkling. My heart's thrumming, beating a loud tattoo inside my chest as adrenaline quickens my responses, makes me jittery and excited and proud to be on the battlefield again.

"C'mon, fight with me!" I taunt, keeping light on my feet should he charge again. No, I am not going on defensive- I am biding my merry time. Soon he will rush in, and soon I shall win!

""

OOC: Attack: Attempts a bite to the rump as she dodges Murder's charge. Returns to taunt him a couple of feet away.

3/4 attack post
0/1 closing defense post

Picture Credit: My own



Murder Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#6
Murder missed scarcely but fortunately he hadn’t projected to hit her with this clamping of jowls. He sensed her ivories graze his epithelium but no mutilation was caused this time. It was a feeble outburst on the mare’s part, but a reprieve for Murder’s ass. The blood was commencing to coagulate as it mixed with oxygen to gradually form a scab over the matching gashes upon Murder’s rump. The aching he had felt during the birth of the lesions had diminished to a dull throb as he concentrated on the skirmish and his rapaciousness to thwart her.The harlot’s words were barely comprehended by Murder as he prepared for his next incursion. He had perceived previously that she did not convey much in the way of intellectual dialog so he had decided to tune her out. Murder would not lose to this insubstantial damsel, not today.

Discontinuing his charge Murder’s hooves burrowed into the soil with desperation to bring him to a halt hurriedly. Ascending his torso and obverse columns from the acreage Murder twisted himself once more to face the dove and, devoid of hesitation, launched himself at her yet again. Murder’s head was hauled back and ground ward, protecting his throat and bracing for impact, as his antlers protruded out in defense. He charged her again, this one comparable to the prior onslaught, however he had a new plan of assault and a smirk contorted his lips as he rushed at her. When he established himself right ahead of the dame Murder curved ascetically to the left and intended to ram his broad shoulder against hers. At that equal instant Murder slanted his skull to the left, setting his horns in place to make contact with her flank and hip.

His talons pushed violently from the earth sending his full weight into the blitz. The vixen was young, he could tell, and inexperienced. Murder would pity the girl for her naivety, if he wasn’t so shrouded in endeavoring to tear her apart. Angling back to the right following his attack Murder leapt away from the shrew and slide negligible feet to the brink of the trivial clearing. Leonine fringe flicked with aggravation as he glanced over his shoulder to see if he’d succeeded in penetrating her hide. Nonchalantly he permitted his words to drift from his maw, a sullenness crusting every syllable.

“Are you quite finished?”

{ ooc: He charged her, going slightly to the right, then slam her in the shoulder with his shoulder while trying to stab her in the side and rump with his horn. }

3/4 attack posts
Word Count: 394

Svetlana Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#7

[Image: b_and_w_by_ladyfey-d5j1ndw.png]

SVETLANA
the StormChaser



The stallion's angry. To fight, one must keep a cold head, a fact which both of us are lacking in. Shit! I have been distracted, and he's fast-approaching. A gasp escapes gray lips as the blue bastard completely knocks into me, horns curving grooves in my backside, plucking a couple of feathers from my wings. I whirl around, seeing him halt at the end of the trees. I want to leap into battle, attacking him, making him feeling pain, but I cool my fire, imagining pouring water inside me, creating a tranquil calm. The fire's nearly gone from me, yet a small ember remains, a seed that bids me to attack one last time before withdrawing. I walk up to him, totally relaxed, a gentle smile on my face.

"Please, sir, I am not-" Quickly, I plunge forward, lips curled to expose white fangs, hooves ready to smash into flanks and chest. Then, I pull away, prancing back, snorting softly, allowing myself a break. My chest is heaving- real battle is so much harder than fighting imaginary demons. I inhale deeply, drinking in the pure air. I am not trembling, but I am weary. When have I last truly fought? Not since... not for many moon-cycles, at the least. Bad! Bad, bad, bad! I need to keep myself in good condition. I had grown weak these last weeks.

I am done. If he retreats or not, that is up to him.

""

OOC: Attack: Attacks towards flank and chest, rearing to come down.

4/4 attack post
0/1 closing defense post

Rank Magic: Warrior's Spirit

Picture Credit: My own



Murder Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#8
It was apparent that this broad unequivocally felt like Murder would succumb to that serene approach, and she was an imbecile for it. As she advanced toward him Murder rotated to face her and reinforced his physique, predicting her concluding move. It was apparent that she was growing exhausted, she was a pampered monarch he could tell, and while Murder’s pelt supported a fresh coat of perspiration he was far from weary. He was not a warrior by any means, never strictly being of the bellicose variety, but Murder had seen his portion of battles in his twelve years on this earth making him not ignorant towards combat. Something he couldn’t say for this wench. Like he had expected she rose up once more, lashing out with slender pillars, as Murder stepped to the right. The bitch’s left hoof nicked his chest but hardly broke the skin as Murder lowered his dome and thrust his horns up towards her plumed pennon trying to stab at the joint and her shoulder again. He detected something slip between his horns, which he was nearly confident was the bone that connected her cespitose feathered limb to her form, and he smiled. Before Murder could ruminate on it much more the femme vaulted rearward and he was heaved forward with her marginally before liberating himself. If that had been the joint, and Murder was practically convinced it was, that hasty gesture had to of hurt, and severely.

Murder elevated his skull to analyze the damage for the final time as a pleased exhalation was released from his nostrils. Her pale cadaver glistened with sweat in the rays of the sun, her breathing was rapid, she was fatigued and it was very obvious. Aside from limited lacerations and contusions Murder felt ultimately satisfactory, and to see his adversary so out of breath only made him feel superior. This had been a manageable brawl, for that Murder was contented, however he just craved to get on with regaining his crows and be finished with this harlot once and for all. She had been nothing but a waste of time.

{ ooc: He stepped to the right to dodge her attack and lowered his head to stab at her left wing joint, feeling as if he caught it between his two horns possibly. }

4/4 attack posts
Word Count: 353

Svetlana Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#9

[Image: b_and_w_by_ladyfey-d5j1ndw.png]

SVETLANA
the StormChaser



Hooves slam down onto ice as he evades my attack. I'm steaming, although my shaggy winter coat is only slightly damp. Ebony hooves strike against white snow as I retreat. I can see him lunging towards my wing, head tucked neatly as to protect the throatlatch, horns ready to catch and tear open the black appendage. In a brief second, my wing would be caught and trapped, easily breakable, easily ripped off. Terror seizes me, complete terror. Without my wings, I am nothing but a cripple. To have one wing is embarrassment. Like an iron filing avoiding being attracted to the magnet, I pull frantically away from the hypnotic, paralyzing fear. Hooves resume movement, and I leap to one side. I jump again, wings tattooing a drumming beat, flurries of snow leaping into the air at the downdrafts.

Quicker than a bird, I'm in the sky, bleeding lightly from a couple of scrapes and knocks, bruised and growing sore, but I'm fine. Next time I fight, I will be more prepared. Soon, I will be as fit as I once was, my fighting skills will be brushed off and polished, and I will be ready to fight anyone. Of course, I wouldn't, unless necessary... or if it was a matter of pride... or if-

I beat my wings once, banking a gliding turn to the right. I'm shooting past the clearing with the blue mule, on my way home.

""

OOC: Attack: n/a

4/4 attack post
1/1 closing defense post

Rank Magic: Warrior's Spirit

Picture Credit: My own



Murder Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#10
Oh this is ready to be judged, thanks to whomever does!

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#11




S v e t l a n a | M u r d e r
- - - - -
By my verdict MURDER is the winner.

SVETLANA -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: rear and strike with hooves
+ 1| Attack: biting

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow
- 1| Easy read. Your attacks at Murder were confusing as to whether they were happening or not, based on your word choice.

MURDER -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: glancing strikes to withers
- 1| Defense: no mention of the bites
+ 1| Attack: ducking under her rear and quickly coming up
+ 1| Attack: buck

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

SVETLANA -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: hit in chest by horns
0| Defense: taking the buck – you had ample time to evade or at least have this glance off you.
+ 1| Attack: land on top of him

[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
0| Easy read – confused as to whether Svetlana fell or not, what do you mean by slithering over the ice? And did this occur from the chest strike or the buck?

MURDER -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: hit in the rump by her landing
+ 1| Attack: bucking out at her stomach
0| Attack: bites at throat – you said he was sprinting away from under her and only termed ‘bound towards her’ with no mention or turning around. Doesn’t seem there’d be enough time or close space to accomplish this.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion - hilarious
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

SVETLANA -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: kicked in stomach
+ 1| Defense: avoided throat bite
+ 1| Attack: bite at haunch

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

MURDER -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: uninjured by bite
+ 1| Attack: shoulder ram
+ 1| Attack: horns to flank

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

SVETLANA -- post 4

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: taking the ram
+ 1| Defense: taking the horns
+ 1| Attack: Hoof assault

[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

MURDER -- post 4

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: side step hooves
+ 1| Attack: horns at shoulder
+ 1| Attack: wing joint in-between horns

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

SVETLANA -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: you wouldn’t have had the time to completely evade his horns to your shoulder.
+ 1| Defense: avoiding wing joint being caught.


SVETLANA

[Bonus]
+ 1| Terrain

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You have a very good idea for how horses fight, but I would like to see some more specifics when you attack, such as left or right and a better handle on timing since you seemed to play some things as back to back and others as not. Your first post was beautiful, but I was disappointed when the actual point of the post, the start of the spar, felt like a short and rushed paragraph at the end. Other posts throughout the spar felt very fast and rushed, which took away from a lot of your prose, especially your emotion. I could see you trying to get Svetlana’s thoughts and feelings involved, and I know you can do it because of your first post, but the others felt lacking. If you could make more posts like your first one it’d be amazing!

MURDER

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed
+ 1| Terrain
+ 1| Health

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| You write beautifully and I was laughing in every post.

Comments: You have a great talent with providing emotion and injecting the character in every tiny bit within your posts, from internal thoughts to actions and reactions, it all came together and made it a joy to read. You did remember to include a breed and surrounding reference, but I would have liked to see more on how their differing sizes and the treacherous snow/ice setting impacted the fight. You have a good grasp for positioning, timing and the physical mechanics of a horse fight, I know you’ll do well!

TOTAL
SVETLANA - 68
MURDER - 76


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


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