i lit a flame in my heart to guide you home

This was well overdue by now, but perhaps it was better that Alysanne had not rushed out to the Falls to visit the Czarina there after the battle with Tembovu had ended. As much as she had wanted to clear the air she knew she needed time to clear her own head, to think about everything that happened in a mindset that wasn’t clouded by the insults thrown at her over those two days.

Her chest ached from the stab wound Tembovu had made there, pulling and stretching with each movement, but it was tolerable and so far it seemed to be healing nicely. She had chosen to walk to the Falls instead of fly - partly because she welcomed the journey but mostly because she wasn’t entirely sure she’d be able to recognize the herdland from the sky since it had been years since she had visited there.

Not since she had entered with the Edge and Basin, not since the invasion.

Now that they had arrived, for Hemlock flew around her nervously, Alysanne wasn’t entirely sure what to do next. She had been lead to one of the pathways that allowed entry into the herdland once and she honestly had no idea where it was. But even if she did know, entering without permission was incredibly rude and she was determined to make as good of an impression as she could - she couldn’t let her passion and anger get the better of her this time.

‘I could go in.’ Hemlock’s deep voice interrupted her thoughts as he came to land between her ears.

She frowned, eyeing the escarpment that lay before them. “Won’t they take offense to that too? The companion of an outsider just flying around their herdland?” The Falls wasn’t exactly made to be welcoming to visitors, but then she didn’t think any of the herds were. The Throat was an island, the Edge with their ridiculous new glass spikes, and the Falls and Basin both had their natural defenses. Alysanne wouldn’t mind if a companion came to seek her out and led her back to someone waiting on the Edge borders, but she wasn’t about to assume she and Isopia thought the same way.

But they did need to talk. And Alysanne knew it was either risk offending someone with Hemlock’s presence or camp out here until Kahlua’s daughter happened to walk by, which wasn’t exactly how she wanted to spend the next few days. So with a sigh, she bid him to fly into the Falls and seek out Isopia - praying all the while that her small brown companion would go unnoticed and that his presence wouldn’t be the spark that caused another fire. There was always the chance that the hybrid mare wasn’t even home in which case they’d have to think of a new plan.

The day was fresh and new still, dew clinging to the grass where Alysanne stood and waited - soft morning sunshine filtering through the clouds and painting a pretty picture for what would hopefully be a more successful conversation than their last.  

i lit a flame in my heart to guide you home

Hemlock, who had forgotten that Isopia had a dragon, was dismayed upon spying the bronze beast and hearing the trill of a greeting offered. Why did she have to have a dragon - those fowl, aggravating creatures that had been the bane of his existence ever since he was small(er) and been terrorized by Kahlua’s Khan. He hooted politely back but was quick to head back to where Alysanne was waiting without pausing to see whether Isopia and her dragon were following.

If they weren’t, Alysanne could go find them her damn self.

But he needn’t have worried - as quick as the flammulated owl could fly, it wouldn’t have been hard for Isopia to keep him in her sights or to catch up.

Though at once concerned and amused by Hemlock’s distress and he hurried to bury himself in her wings, Alysanne’s attention was commanded a moment later by the arrival of the one she came to see. A ghost of a smile appeared in her green eyes, as though she momentarily forgot their discord and was remembering how happy she had been to see her friend’s daughter before it had all fallen apart. Alysanne nodded back and returned the simple greeting she had been offered without hesitation. “Czarina.” It felt strange to Alysanne to not use a proper name, but as she had not been directly told by the demigoddess herself what she preferred to be called this seemed a safe route.

She was thrilled to not be greeted with hostility - but then, hadn’t she been the one to get bothered during their last conversation? Infuriated by the Czarina’s condescending but calm words. Now, Isopia got right down to the point and Alysanne wasn’t going to drag it out either. “I wanted to apologize for what happened in the Edge.” The words come easily, easier than Alysanne had feared, and she relaxed as they came to her - green eyes calm as she watched closely for a reaction from the larger mare as she spoke. There were, of course, reasons for coming that were harder to explain - a maternal desire to check up on Isopia after the battle, to see if she was okay that had flared up when her anger had finally released its hold - but she didn’t bring that up just yet.

Alysanne’s voice was coloured by her regret and shame, her green eyes sad as she continued. “I did not handle our conversation, nor anything that happened afterwards, in a way I can look back with pride and I regret what your visit became.” She kept her answer to Isopia’s simple question as short as she could - afraid that if she started to ramble she would once again make herself look foolish before the younger mare.

But there was no harm in getting the other part of her visit out of the way while she was at it. “And... I came to deliver this to you.” Reaching back to the folds of her white wings, Alysanne pulled out the small leather bag that had started this whole trouble. She took a few steps forward, laying it carefully on the dew-covered grass, before stepping back again to her original spot - her eyes still trained on the other mare and waited with no shortage of concern for what, if any, reaction she would receive.

i lit a flame in my heart to guide you home

Alysanne had to wonder that if that had been politeness, what would this mare be like when she was being rude? But that was some lingering bitterness talking and she quickly pushed it aside, unwilling to let it affect the mood she was in now or poison this conversation as it had the last. She listened with sympathy as she got something close to an apology, a tense admittance that Isopia hadn’t meant to sound hostile.

How much of what had happened had been what Isopia had said and how much of it was how Alysanne interpreted it in her anger?

She had come here with the intention to be honest so she would be - a gentle frown darkening her green eyes as she spoke again. “Lately I’ve been getting very… defensive about the Edge, about my place in it. How well I’m doing as a leader. You may not have meant to sound hostile but our conversation was just one of many that has made me feel so insignificant, useless, and stupid... and I reacted poorly.” Alysanne responded to Isopia’s explanations and confessions with one of her own, attempting to explain why she had reacted in the way she did. She felt like a second-class ruler with all those groupies that flocked to Tembovu at every meeting, scorning her as they walked by. Alune and Tilney’s very loud, vocalized opinions of her still stung - and they would for a long time. The wound on her chest would heal long before those ones did.

The surprised reaction she got for giving over the leather bag brought forth a small light to Alysanne’s eyes, softening her expression. She was accustomed to being asked why she did things that she thought were just simple, kind gestures. There were dozens of reasons why Alysanne wanted to give her the bag but which ones would she be able to explain? The mare before her confessed that she was lacking in social customs so Alysanne wanted to try to explain it as logically as she could, hoping that would bridge the strange language barrier that existed between them. She wasn’t very optimistic that she would succeed - her emotions always easily befuddled her logic.

Some of her reasons were political, of course, but most of them, if she was being honest, were more personal. The simplest of all being that she wanted to give the back to Isopia, and to Cowboy. But the explanation that came from her had a little more substance to it. “Because peace, that is peace with you and with the Falls, is more important to me than a gift that had been stolen from someone.” Though their acquaintanceship was brief so far, Isopia was so much more important to her than the bag - she longed for a relationship with the younger mare. And there were plenty of reasons for that too - because she loved Kahlua, because she should have tried to care for the girl when Kahlua had disappeared. “And because you were right that stealing isn’t right. This bag should not belong to me so I would like to give it back.”

A small pause before she asked quietly - “Does that make sense?”

i lit a flame in my heart to guide you home

Alysanne had been certain that she had made herself look ridiculous and incompetent in the eyes of Isopia but to her surprise, the younger mare explained that had not been the case. They had simply disagreed. Which was… new for the painted mare. Before, when she had first arrived in Helovia, she had been such a peaceful and happy mare that she didn’t have disagreements with anyone. And then when she started to, they were twisted up and tangled in her anger so that they had never been just simple disagreements - they had always been volatile arguments.

It surprised her to learn that it was possible to understand and respect each other and disagree all the same. Discussing things in a more friendly manner was significantly more appealing, if only she could keep her cool.

Isopia apologized and Alysanne dipped her head, quietly accepting it. Hemlock felt pleased - hooting quietly in approval as he unburied himself enough to poke his small head out of Alysanne’s wings. Although not brave enough to look and see whether the damned dragon was there, he didn’t mind sitting here amongst her soft white feathers and listening more actively to the conversation. The Czarina continued, explaining her side and as she did so - Alysanne felt sympathetic towards the girl’s position. It can’t have been easy, born the daughter of a god and placed in the position to rule - all while she was still so young.

The muttered comment about how they were expected to do a good job of ruling, even when the Gods didn’t, and Alysanne’s mouth twisted into a rueful smile. “Yes. Often, I think, more is expected of rulers than gods and goddesses.” The gods of Helovia weren’t expected to be everywhere, to be present for every single thing that happened in Helovia or in the herd lands they governed. They were fleeting, ethereal beings tied to magic and death - not to the everyday lives of Helovians. At least, from Alysanne’s minimal dealings with them - and mostly just the Moon Goddess at that - she never learned to expect them to show up everywhere. And yet that was exactly what the members of the Edge expected of her and Tembovu. She had been two heartbeats late for the fight with the Czarina and by the time she got there, Tembovu had already stepped up to take her place and Alune was questioning why she had not shown up!

Her gaze softened once more when she addressed the alliance between their herds. Could they patch up whatever damage they had caused here and now? “I hope our alliance is not affected by all of this. Your partner, Ranjiri, said much the same to me while we were watching the battle. Perhaps it will be stronger now that we understand each other a little better… I do promise to not let my emotions get the better of me in the future.” Her eyes brightened in a small smile as she finished that sentence though it was completely genuine. It was something that she seriously needed to work on, especially in a diplomatic setting. They were both new to the world of queens and czarinas and it might just take them a little more time to get comfortable and settled into their roles. Alysanne knew that more mistakes would be down her path but if she tried to keep a clear head… perhaps there would not be so many.

“And... I hope that maybe we can be friends?” She asked, a warm smile in her green eyes - something almost childlike about the openness of her expression and voice. Still, she would not be offended to be turned down - maybe she was being too presumptuous or pushy but she would regret it if she did not ask. “Your mother means a great deal to me and I would consider it an honour to get to know you, if you’d like.” From what Alysanne knew of Kahlua and her daughter, there hadn’t been much mothering needed at all - so it wasn’t fair for her to keep thinking of the girl as ‘Kahlua’s daughter’ when she had always been someone all on her own.

i lit a flame in my heart to guide you home

The topic of friendship was not acknowledged, but Alysanne didn’t mind. She had meant what she said and did not require anything from Isopia in return. If, one day, the younger mare found that she did need a friend - Alysanne would be there. It was as simple as that for the painted mare, just as it had been all of the Czarina’s life. Though, perhaps, Alysanne should have made herself more present in the girl’s life all the same. Especially when Kahlua had left. Had it bothered the Czarina? Or had she truly not needed a mothering presence?

These were not questions Alysanne really wished to find the answers to, and so they would never be spoken.

Besides, Isopia’s next question changed the subject entirely and Alysanne’s thoughts quite turned away from thoughts of friendship and bonding. There was a pause where she thought carefully about her answer - not because it wouldn’t be honest, but because she was trying to remember if she knew or if she just had what she thought. It had been about two and a half years since she had last seen Kahlua and so much had changed for her in that time.

Her voice was soft and thoughtful when she did start to speak, her gaze gentle on the mare before her. She wished she had something more definite to give Isopia. “I don’t know for certain, but I believe the first time it was because of the invasion - when the Edge and Basin attacked the Falls and took over. Your mother wasn’t made for war or violence and I think it weighed heavily on her, especially because she was Queen at the time.” Alysanne once felt that she and Kahlua were cut from the same cloth - and if she had been Queen then, she would have considered every cut and blow and drop of blood her own fault and she never would have forgiven herself.

Even as a Moon Doctor, she still regretted not stepping up and voicing her concerns when the tyrants Kaj and Archibald had announced their plans.

“I heard she came back… not this Frostfall but the last. And was supposed to accompany Brisa to the Falls.” She watched the Czarina carefully, wondering if this was news to her, and her next words were just a soft whisper. “Did you get to see her?” Alysanne had not, and there had been no signs of Kahlua nor her troublesome dragon ever since she had heard the rumours, so she had assumed that something had pulled the Sunshower from Helovia once more. And about what that might have been, she was completely at a lost.  

i lit a flame in my heart to guide you home

Had Alysanne only dreamt that Kahlua had returned? Had she been so desperate for her first friend in Helovia to be by her side again that she had made up this entire story? She was sad that she had missed the chance at a reunion but more so that Kahlua had not reunited with her daughter during her brief stay. Surely, if she had not sought the girl out, something might have happened that would not allow her to stay.

“I guess not. I heard rumours of her return but when I went searching, I wasn’t able to find her.” Her green gaze turned troubled, brow furrowing as she tried to solve the riddle of Kahlua’s location with absolutely no information. “I would have thought she’d come to the Edge. If there was anywhere she’d go, I would have thought it would be there - until I learned you were living here, of course.” Alysanne smiled softly then. It had surprised her to learn that Kahlua had been intending to go to the Falls, after everything that had happened, but perhaps she had believed her daughter would be there.

Her troubled thoughts faded away with the brightening of her smile, hope shining through. “I have not given up hope that we will see her again, though. My time in Helovia has taught me that sooner or later, everyone who wanders eventually comes home.”

Maybe not everyone but it seemed to certainly be a very high percentage and Alysanne never doubted that her friends would be in the group that did return.