Arah swoops into the little gathering of horses watching this sideshow of a challenge. And before Lyanna knows it, she’s pulling Gawen away (for which she is thankful, don’t get her wrong) and calling Tilney the best doctor. She feels small and invisible and like she doesn’t matter at all in that instant. It’s not that she begrudges Tilney. Let him be good. It only benefits the herd to have good doctors. It’s just…it’s just that she thought maybe she’d found a home here. And in this particular moment, and really, through so much of what has happened this season, she feels like she hasn’t become part of this place at all.

More come. Iona, displeased at what’s occurring in her ranks. Ru, who for a moment brings Lyanna back to herself, offering a smile to the girl. A filly with cruel words. Lyanna remembers the girl, and notices that she hasn’t changed at all. She could retort. She could say something but she doesn’t trust her own voice.

The fighting ends, and she takes her leave as quickly as possible, making her way to the two fighters. She’s pissed at Toulouse for trying to shove Raeden off a cliff, but it’s still her job to make sure they are okay. So she goes, but she doesn’t want to go. She wants to run. Pick her legs off the ground and leap off that damn cliff and just fly into the horizon that she’s never explored since coming here. To the Edge. To the damn Edge of the World in hopes of finding a home. A second chance. A life.

Arah probably didn’t even mean anything by it. She probably just wanted to reassure Gawen.

Then why do I feel this way?

She keeps walking, almost to the edge of the cliff now. She could just go. She could let the wind take her. She could give up. I could give up. The thought stops her in her tracks, a fearful and tempting thing all at once.

Lyanna. And she doesn’t even know if the voice is her mother’s or brother’s or father’s or hers. It is all of them. Calling her home. Encouraging her to live in this new life. Telling her to try.

What is wrong with me? She shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts and the damn ghosts that will not stay dead. This is home. It’s home and Frostfall is ending and soon another year will begin and she will be one step further from her past. They will fade. They will quiet. And she will miss them.

She’s taken too long on the cliff; Raeden's already back at the group and Toulouse is somewhere. Idiot, she thinks, wondering if anyone is watching her standing here like a fool. But she doesn't go back. She should. Oh, she should. Raeden probably needs her, but Tilney is there. Let the world's best doctor deal with it. Go back, her brother's voice now, chiding her. But she does not go. He's dead and he doesn't get to tell her what to do anymore. Instead, she lets the wind play with her mane, lets it whisper in her ears, lets it drive away the ghosts.

They don’t disperse. They don’t talk quietly enough that she can’t hear them. Instead, Mauja calls her name, noticing her rather obvious absence. This, at least, begins to bring her back to her sense. Yes, her absence is notable because Raeden and Toulouse needs healing. But at least her absence is notable. And so, for the moment, is Tilney’s voice. Perhaps he doesn’t ask like she does first, but when she glances back, there’s none of the dark mist she would expect. Just snippets of a conversation in which Toulouse is (rightfully) getting his ass handed to him.

She lingers for a moment longer. She could jump, but what was the point? For one, she suspects at some point instinct would take over, and she’d flap those teal-dipped wings before she smashed herself on some rocks. But more than that. She got to live when her family died. When very likely, the servants and friends that helped her and Adelene escape did not escape punishment. Did they still live? She might not be okay, she might be going crazy, but at least she was alive. She has no idea if the same was true of those who saved her life.

For both them and herself, she has no desire to die. She just…oh, she doesn’t even know.

The wind has calmed her some, and she turns, finally able to bring herself to face the mess that is happening behind her. At least, it is not her job to fix the sleuth ranks. It reminds her of her old life, of her once-upon-a-time job. But now, it is simply her job to heal. It doesn’t take her long to cross the distance from the cliff to the tree-line, where most still stand. But she feels like she’s tearing a piece of herself away as she leaves the windy cliff behind.

Is this who she wanted to be now?

Most day, yes, she wanted to be the kind mare who enjoyed everyone’s company and loved to take care of others. Some days though? Some days she just wanted to be selfish and stalk off.

When the conversation takes a momentary pause, she looks to Toulouse and Raeden. “Toulouse,” she says, the usual kindness in voice somewhat lacking. She tries though. Her features soften as she turns to Raeden, “Raeden.” Teal focusing on both of them now, she asks, “Injuries?” She can see the obvious ones, of course, but she wants to know what hurts on the inside. What’s broken or bleeding in places she cannot see. It helps her target the magic, and heal them as best she can. She waits for their answer, trying to catch Tilney’s eye to see if he planned to take one of them.