the Rift


if you go out you might pass out in a drain pipe [vol vs aelfwine]

Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#7


V O L T E R R A

CHAMPAGNE, COCAINE, GASOLINE, AND MOST THINGS IN BETWEEN
I ROAM THE CITY IN A SHOPPING CART, A PACK OF CAMELS AND A SMOKE ALARM

His colossal chest finds its target, albeit not quite the one he'd wanted, and the reverberations send shudders of pleasure through his titanic frame. There's something utterly carnal about fighting a mare, tangling his great body with her own, wrapping their skin and muscle around each other like two dragons in a mating dance. Perhaps it's the alcohol that still rampages through his system, or perhaps it's simply the fact that this beautiful woman sends frissons of heat down between his thighs, but he finds himself praying that this battle never ends, because it's so damn fun.

The behemoth tries to remind himself, though, that at the end of this fight might come something even better. If there's one thing he enjoys more than sparring a mare, it's taking that same mare beneath his weight, ravishing her body and replacing each cut and bruise with a bandage forged of pleasure.

His teeth come away with only hair, which is a slight disappointment given how keen he was to brand her with his mark. He's soon back on his guard, though, watching through narrowed eyes as she twirls again so she's facing his left side. Immediately he tenses, unwilling to expose his maimed left shoulder to her - he might be enjoying this battle, but he'll enjoy it considerably less if his already throbbing shoulder is gored further by her antlers. Instead she aims for just behind the wound, something that he knows he should scold as weakness but which he simply can't bring himself to, because it comes as a great relief that the painful gash isn't going to be savaged further. Volterra might be a warlord, a king of the battlefield who revels in every part of his craft including receiving wounds from his opponents, but that doesn't mean he is a glutton for pain. He feels his wounds the same as any other man, and he knows that another blow to his shoulder would have been crippling.

His gratitude for her act of mercy doesn't mean he's going to let her have it all her own way, though. With a feral grunt, the stallion throws his hindquarters to their right, seeking to pivot around so that the attack won't hit him with full force. Her antlers slash against the skin just behind his left shoulder, creating an array of small, medium-depth cuts that sting and bleed, but they are not unbearable and nor do they inhibit his movement like his first injury does. The leviathan continues his pivot, moving his hindquarters around the planted counterweight of his forelegs to minimise the movement of his shoulder, until he's hopefully facing her own left side again. "You're doing well," he growls, reassurance ringing in that thunderous voice of his. "Once more - try to avoid my attacks if you can." He launches forwards, trying to slam his massive chest into her left ribcage this time. He doesn't truly wish to break any of her bones, but he's not accustomed to pulling his punches at this stage of a battle. He hopes he can barge her over to her right and force her into submission, bring her to her knees before him so they can get on with whatever delightful treat is going to follow this spar.

Simultaneously his teeth lunge forwards once again, trying to rain bites down upon her left side and back like miniature bullets. He wants to plant bruises across her body, mark her as his, utterly dominate her, until the battle ends and he can kiss better every piece of damage he's caused her.

Tiredness pulses through his system and there's sweat liberally beaded across his titanic form, but he is not exhausted courtesy of the fact that he hasn't actually done a great deal of moving around. The constant sting in his shoulder is only barely numbed by alcohol and adrenaline, but he knows he can cope with it until the bitter end of this particular tangle. The distant hum of conversation from the depths of the Grove reminds him that he'll probably have to return to the fray to meet his next date, but he can't think about that right now - his attention is fully, unequivocally focused upon Aelfwine.

_____________

Teaching spar for @Aelfwine !

3/3 - 703 words

image credits


TEACHING NOTES

Grammar/Prose/Emotion Again, this section is pretty defunct haha. You should score highly in this, so great job! :D I spotted one typo ('spinning away him') but overall this was a really strong section for you. To me, this section is the easiest one to get points in simply by cutting out errors and making sure you proof-read, so it bodes well that your posts all flowed nicely and that I only spotted a handful of typos! :D

Attacks 'She spun herself to the right, to where she would be perpendicular to the left side of his body immediately after he attempted to bite her neck' - be careful to say 'attempted' even if you're only moving, just to prevent any deductions for GM/PP :)

The rest of the attack was clear and easy to understand, which is good. Using her antlers is always good as they're a pretty unique weapon!

Damage taken You did well taking the damage, however be sure to specify how bad the bruise is on her shoulder! There's a big difference between a faint bruise that you hardly notice compared to a huge, deep, painful bruise that seizes up your muscles and prevents you moving. It's mentioned in your OOC section that it's deep but make sure you include this in the actual body of your post.

If the bruise was deep, as you said in your OOC part, then I think you took enough damage for Vol's 3 roll, as that's about right for a medium roll plus his high damage stat. I got a bit confused over his bite, as first you say she's trying to block it with her antlers but then take it to her neck, and if the bruise from his first attack was only a faint one then I'd have been inclined to take some damage from the bite just to make it fit the 3 roll.

So always be specific with how much damage you've taken - don't just say 'a cut' say 'a deep cut' or 'a shallow cut' etc to allow the judge to see that you've taken the right amount of damage :) Describing your injuries also helps you remember to carry on mentioning them in the rest of your posts, especially if it's a high damage roll you're responding to.

Other Thanks for the great fight, you did really well! Your writing was strong throughout, it's just niggly things like attack and damage taking but they're easily worked on :)

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]





Messages In This Thread
RE: if you go out you might pass out in a drain pipe [vol vs aelfwine] - by Volterra - 03-20-2017, 02:38 PM

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