the Rift


[PRIVATE] same old mistakes

Sikeax the Sea Soul Posts: 355
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16 hh :: 5 years HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Hobgoblin :: Common Rougarou :: Water & Seoul :: Plain White Dragon :: Toxic Breath Zuno
#1
“Shouldn’t.”
He’s not wrong. His voice is so quickly becoming the logic in her head, and nothing about that sentence seems right when really thought about, but Hobgoblin has mostly been right these past few times. The ridicule she can withstand, but his mind has aged into maturity til there is no longer the blindness of a mad man.
No, Hobgoblin has given up that life after seeing the worst of it through her, and left her to be the one who is blind.
“No, I don’t think you understand. I ha-” Force builds up in her voice before his roars forth to cut her off. It strangles her with a gentle hand and soothes her into silence. A long sigh drifts from her as the obvious tension in her body relieves, everything visibly sinking until she is standing still, head in the air with eyes clutched shut, horn reaching to pierce the sky as the Sun shines down on them with the laziest of warmths. Hobgoblin stands idle, closer to the shrines, turned with them to face her.
Together, they look like a priestess arguing with her patron.
What a funny thought that is, thinking back to how their bond has built itself up.
“Hobgoblin understand. Hobgoblin know. You, Hobgoblin, share head. Hobgoblin know You.”
“Then why do you think that I shouldn’t be doing this?” Words fly out of her mouth in the same way that a snake lunges for the kill. Hobgoblin is left to reel, yanking his fanged head backwards and scowling away from her sight.
It doesn’t do much good to hide behind the lack of meat on his bones. Anger steams from vents as his patience wears thin, but most of it comes from her. Sikeax has fallen into a tortured reality of fearing for her children in every way possible when it can almost be assured that they are fine.
Well, except Zhu.
“Hobgoblin, I’m scared for him. What if he’s not okay? What if he’s hurt and too far for help, trapped or lost? What then?”
And Hobgoblin cannot give a response for the mother’s torment audible in her whispering. Sadness hugs them tightly til they weep in its arms, clutched hard in her chest. He has taken part in raising each of her children, yes, but because he has no womb to carry them in, no breast to nurse them upon, or the compassion she holds so feverishly, he cannot understand the horror of losing a child.
It’s not to say that he doesn’t love and care for each of them, but it’s not in the way that Sikeax does.
And when there’s nothing else to be argued over, Sikeax steps forth with seaweed held firmly in her mouth, dropping it in front of what’s left of the Earth God’s shrine.
“Just because one God forsook me at the mercy of what used to be my family doesn’t mean that I have to give up on another.”
She can't come complain when the silence comes rolling in.

OOC: screams because it's t I M E AT LAST
Hobgoblin is in his wendigo form


"Talk."
Sikeax the
You were angels,
So much more than everything,

And I sit and listen dreamlessly,
A promise of salvation makes me stay

image | coding

@Volterra


you were angels,
so much more than everything

:: please tag me
:: minor force and power play allowed


Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#2
The Earth God's absence has hit Volterra hard. Never the sort of man to bend the knee to anybody, the Indomitable was as loyal to Father Earth as he could be to any living man, and trusted the great God far more than he could put into words. Although he understands why the deity chose to disband his herd in the face of Kaos' wrath, it nonetheless hurts the black titan's unshakeable faith in his patron God to know that even the immortal, omniscient deities can fall victim to fear. Without them, what hope do mere mortals have of defeating Kaos?

The leviathan comes to the shrines often to pay his respect at the altar of the Earth God. Volterra would not call himself devoutly religious nor a believer in such petty, pointless offerings, but he sends prayers to the crumbling shrine in the hope that one man's words can bring back the most powerful of all the Gods. Thus far it hasn't worked, but the titan returns today to give his devotion to the Earth's calling point over the sea. Vadir is off hunting but Vérzés lies sprawled on the giant stallion's back, as eager as his bonded is to offer prayers at the shrine.

For the first time, they reach the precipice of the Veins and find that they are not alone. After the Indomitable's initial double take, he allows his eyes to focus on the other person stood at the Earth God's altar, and is astonished to see that it is the Sea Soul. "Sikeax," comes the earthquake of a voice, tinged with surprise. He moves closer, glancing at the piece of seaweed that the mare has placed at the base of the shrine. An offering, perhaps? "I did not know you worshipped the Earth God." He'd always assumed her to be a devoted disciple of the Sun God, given her long-term choice of home.

Vérzés chirps a greeting at the wendigo at her side, but is reluctant to approach. The rougarou is unpredictable, especially after his reaction during their last meeting, so the red errs on the side of wariness whilst greeting his old friend for now.

volterra
vérzés & vadir

coloring & coding credit


@Sikeax

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]




Sikeax the Sea Soul Posts: 355
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16 hh :: 5 years HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Hobgoblin :: Common Rougarou :: Water & Seoul :: Plain White Dragon :: Toxic Breath Zuno
#3
The quiet is a bit unsettling, but the soft hiss of luminescent lava meeting ocean water and the lapping of the waves against the cooled rock helps escape the fact that Hobgoblin is choosing to do this. She wants to scream at him this is her coping method now, that not all Gods are bad and maybe because the Earth God has done nothing to forsake her like the Sun has that there is hope there.
But Hobgoblin has a skewed view of the Gods now, and his thoughts are the hardest to change. It would be the equivalent of asking her to move the sea with only her bare hands: it cannot be done even if she tried.
He’s the first one to notice. Her eyes are shut as a long breath soothes the emptiness in her lungs, filling it up with the flavour of salt. There is an overwhelming sensation of calm that neither of them can complain about when prayers run over her lips, whispering with the softness of a  mother’s lullabies.
“I really miss him.”
“Know.”
It doesn’t even bother her that he responds to her prayers like he is the one she prays to, but it offers a touch of comfort to know that Hobgoblin can somewhat symphonize with her sorrows.
“Please give me a sign that he’s okay. Anything. It’s breaking my heart and tearing me up inside.”
“Skullface.”
She blossoms up in the stupid bliss that is happiness, thinking that in some rare way Hobgoblin has learned to share nicknames and that he is announcing the arrival of Kid, body lighting up with a smile to beam across her lips as the clouds of her eyelids over sadden skies open up to show the calm after the storm is here. It crushes her to find that it is not him, and she is powerless to hide the disappointment that comes rushing in.
All of it just drains, smile slackening but holding itself there, nonetheless glad to see him but upset that it is one of her children. She gives it a little lift to make it more reliable. The gasp that she had unintentionally let fly is still ringing in her ears.
Behind the mask of facelessness, Hobgoblin cringes.
Oops.
“Yea, oops.”

“Volterra,” His name leaves her like the wind goes over the ocean and through the desert, meant to be after all of their time together. “I think that if we never did see each other after this, I’d forget my name. You always remind me of it.”
And maybe that’s the good in their relationship. He has kept her grounded when she needed it, reminded her that in some way, she is still human and that against all of her life’s vices there is still something else out there.
He mentions her worship and she has to double take, turning her head with a steady pace as her eyes drink in the seaweed lying limp before the shrine. Her prayers hang in the back of her head.
He reminds me so much of him.
“Skullface Zhu father. Should.”
You’re not wrong.”

No shame or embarrassment pipes up as she lets out a chuckle, aimed at herself.
“I have trusted him from when I was young and naive and knew little of Gods and he hasn’t wronged me in all of this time.” She’s got to let go. The sorrow in her voice is drowning in the happiness of seeing someone that she can trust, or at least believe to trust. Loneliness has gotten the better of her as an outcast.  “What about you? Who are you here to see, or did you and Vérzés miss Goblin and I that much now that we’ve left the Throat?”
Because we surely missed you too.
It finally goes. Whenever Volterra leaves, she can return to the sadness brought on by the loss of her first born, her only blood son, and everything will be okay again.
Hobgoblin bubbles up in their shared joy despite the discomfort and lets it all go at once. His body leaps away from him and creates a quick vacuum to bring it all back in short seconds, coming out on the other side of it with something new. Soft chittering hums from him as his lower jaw vibrates.
“I can assure you that Goblin has.”
Paws dart across the stone as Hobgoblin continues his chittering, excitement roaring up in his chest at the chance to abandon the agony of their damnation, an apology nearly on his lips.

OOC: Hobgoblin shifts into his serval form when mentioned.

"Talk."
Sikeax the
You were angels,
So much more than everything,

And I sit and listen dreamlessly,
A promise of salvation makes me stay

image | coding

@Volterra


you were angels,
so much more than everything

:: please tag me
:: minor force and power play allowed


Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#4
She turns, her smile like a beacon of hope and adoration - and then it slackens, fades like a dying star at the sight of him. His ears twitch backwards slightly, wondering who she thought he was, debating on why he is such a disappointment all of a sudden. She makes a valiant effort to reinstate the smile, but the damage is already done. "Not who you were expecting?" he questions with a tilt of his head, powerless to keep the slight edge of hurt from his voice.

Sikeax reveals that she has trusted the Earth God from a young age, and despite his wounded pride Volterra finds himself nodding his agreement. "Aye, he is a fine man and a fine God. It's what makes the disbanding of the Falls all the more...worrying." The Indomitable had trusted Father Earth implicitly, and had been sure that if anybody could destroy Kaos, it would be him. Instead, he'd been forced to disband his own herd, and hadn't been able to do a thing about the false god's presence. Concern blights the black titan's features and he ponders yet again whether Kaos will ever be defeated.

"Of course," reassures the red dragon on his back. "He will fall." The red's unshakeable faith in his bonded brings a small smile to those handsome features, and Volterra glances back to Sikeax with renewed vigour.

The mare asks why he's here, and more than anything he wishes he could lie, so he could tell her that he came for her. Alas, that would not be the truth - he's happy to see her, but that's not why he set off from the Throat today. "I come to the Earth God's shrine regularly, to pay my respects and....it sounds stupid, but I think that if I keep visiting him, if I show him that he has at least one loyal follower left here, he will return and help us defeat Kaos." The frown is back as he looks at the crumbled shrine, decidedly devoid of anything living. "Seeing you is an added bonus." He manages a grin, and this sentence is not a lie.

Her companion shifts, and Vérzés stirs with his desire to fly down and greet the serval. "We have missed you both, too," he rumbles. In the back of his mind he hears Vadir scoff, but he does not include her in his words - he knows she wants nothing to do with the champagne mare and her rougarou, but that does not affect how both Volterra and Vérzés feel. "I should probably tell you that I am Sultan of the Throat now," he adds. He pauses, wondering how she will react; will she see it as a betrayal of their friendship that he has remained in the herd that usurped her? He prays that she doesn't, because each step of the way he's wondered about how she would feel about it. He can't help the fact that he's grown fond of the herd, that he's now willing to fight and die for it. That surprised him as much as anybody else.

volterra
vérzés & vadir

coloring & coding credit


@Sikeax

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]




Sikeax the Sea Soul Posts: 355
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16 hh :: 5 years HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Hobgoblin :: Common Rougarou :: Water & Seoul :: Plain White Dragon :: Toxic Breath Zuno
#5
Aches only make the soreness in her chest worse. His reaction to her surprise is enough to send her down, taking up arms and promptly turning against herself so that the weight of her sins is her punishment.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that in that way, if that’s what you’re thinking.” It leaves her like petals leave a dying flower, touched by sadness and wounded by the fact that she has let things go this way, that she could have stopped it if she hadn’t been so quick to react. But nonetheless, “I’m still glad to see you.” Her voice can only pipe up with hopes of her somewhat-apology accepted, trying her hardest to keep the smile burning across her face there despite the self-loathe.
It doesn’t fit right on her features though, its grace flawed by the tension of her muscles obvious in her brows, the lines under her eyes, the stress in her jawline. She’s a mess, and there’s no easy way to hide it.
“You stop. Look bad.”
I feel bad.
“Let know? Skullface care. Maybe. Not know.”
You’re a lot of help.

A mental shrug of the shoulders is enough to make her want to roll her eyes at him.
“I thought you were going to be Kid, or actually Zhu. Hobgoblin doesn’t care for names and uses nicknames instead, and I can never be sure.” Hobgoblin’s unseen expression burns a hole into her. His jaw has slacked, brows hung low and forceful with eyes hard. She doesn’t dare to look at it out of fear of the sight.
“You know call differently. Did that.”
I wanted to be alone. I wanted to see my sons, any of them.
“Without?”
No. I don’t think I ever want to be without you.”

The stone crumbles slightly, but not enough to make any progress. His attention has shifted and there’s little for her to focus on with him now. Goodbye, she could whisper into the sanctity of their bond and have no response.
Hobgoblin is strange like that, and if a third had known the two from their beginnings, then it would have told her that Hobgoblin’s strangeness towards her is her own creation.
Volterra moves them onto other things and she returns to him at his request, ears pushing forward only to sink further into disappointment as the realization strikes her. She has been so far from the herds and this life, spare herself and Hobgoblin, that she hasn’t cared to even think about how the Earth God had abandoned his herd, yet somehow she can agree with his decision. Had she not recently done the same thing with her crown, leaving something that everyone would have demanded she keep for her own safety, for the good of herself?
If Gods could act as she did, then what point was her agony in it now? They are one in the same, and she sees now that she shouldn’t look down upon herself for what she had done.
“Don’t think of it as worrying.” Her assurance is written in comfort and wisdom, like she’s seen this lifetime and every one before and after it a thousand times over. “Gods are like us. They can’t stand forever with the weight of the world on their shoulders, and sometimes sacrifices need to be made. He’s a god; I’m sure he’ll know what to do when he returns, and if not, he’s got the other three to help and any of those in Helovia that intend to assist. ”
All of this just to try and kiss the concern and any possible sorrows off of his face. Whether or not it works is left entirely to him, but her needs are met.
For what else he has to say, she has no response, only able to tuck her lips into her mouth in that nervous habit she’s acquired and nod with body language alert.
It only slips away for a second to sip at his pain before letting the comfort and warmth of knowing that someone does still enjoy her.
Hobgoblin gladly shares in it with her, purring beginning to thunder in the depths of his chest as his approach continues, finally coming to rest on his hind haunches as his chattering quickly turns into repetitive chirps. ‘Hurry up’ screams through his body language, directed only for Vérzés.
And she almost joins him in this, nearly acting out on things that she knows better to do, choosing not to do so because Volterra is supposed to be her friend, if not one of her dearest, but their gestures of affection and companionship have never been more than gentle, brief touches and the reassurance of it in their voices and words.
To this day, she doubts she can care for anyone so deeply again that she feels the urge to bring them up into her arms when blood is not shared. Cera, as far as her mind knows, is gone, and with him, he carried away her heart and her belief in loving so deeply for someone.
And maybe even she, never they had been in love, wasting her heart and emotions childishly, having lost her chance before she even had an inkling of what to do with it but still stubbornly pushing on. You don’t love someone that way only to pick it up for someone else.
There is though the briefest moments on this planet where her heart takes the better of her muscles and pushes her forward with short, light steps that end in reality, still so dearly wanting any reminder of what dear friendship is supposed to be in her head. They only carry her into her own agony, teeming with regret along the shoreline of brokenheartedness where everything else that comes with those sort of things waits with patience, arms wide open.
So with her heart wearing a scar only freshly healed, still feeling the aches of the acts that brought it forth, she offers him with the most genuine smile she’s sure she’s ever made, plain and simple. It puts out her cigarette of this right where the biggest crack is in her heart.
“It’s really nice to hear that.”
I can’t tell you how nice it is to hear that, from anyone, but especially you. More words that grow in the womb of her mind only to pass away at the hope of life. Wasted.
She should know better than to relish in the light of that. Volterra is not Cera, he’s never going to be the brightest light in her darkness or the straight shot of happiness and purity when she needs it. Volterra is the cold, hard world, a sucker punch to the face that she comes back around looking for more, Stockholm syndrome with her rapist.
While that is nothing but a fleeting thought, something she suppresses for the best,  Hobgoblin feels the invisible choke of the thought where it matters most to him(the soul), and lets it rip through him, powerless.
Because even though she consented so long ago, it wasn’t like that was something she was ever wanting, only willing for the sake of her child.
There it is, right where she should had known too. Right on his lips, with the “Do it for him. Do it so he’ll be happy.” from long ago.
Sultan of the Throat.
Oh Gods, it rips the most brutal hole in her that has ever been, but what purpose does it have? Is she not being immature, selfish? Volterra wanted to be a lead, she had told him that the rank she was giving him was going to be a good step into the direction of what he was wanting, and here he is, right where he wanted to be. By all of her laws, she should be happy for him, but why must it be forced when it runs out of her mouth?
“I’m happy for you.”
“Please don’t.”
And why does the demon in her head plea with her not to lie? She takes the softest hand she’s got and pushes him off to the side with a gentle touch.
I want to be happy for him. That’s how he’d want me to feel about it.
“But You not. You upset. Why?”
Because I’m childish.

Hobgoblin sinks because he can’t tell her that she isn’t. All of the facts are in front of them, and in the silence, probably without meaning to, they’ve sworn to see the world the way it is before it carries them too far. That’s what happened the last time.
“It was your dream, wasn’t it?”
One more time around the block, one more time to make sure that she had blindly taken someone else’s hopes and goals and promptly beaten the ever-loving shit out of them when she could do nothing good with them, too busy trying to make them right to see that the effort wasn’t worth it. “Either way, you deserve it more than anyone else there does.”
Definitely more than I did.
She smothers the cat in the bag so that when it is opened, all Volterra has the chance to see is her smile for him, proud, happy, having also been poured into her voice for good measure.

OOC: please fucking excuse i am DEAD inside with feelings

"Talk."
Sikeax the
You were angels,
So much more than everything,

And I sit and listen dreamlessly,
A promise of salvation makes me stay

image | coding

@Volterra


you were angels,
so much more than everything

:: please tag me
:: minor force and power play allowed


Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#6
The mare apologises, and Volterra dips his head in acknowledgement. She adds that she's still glad to see him, a fact that makes his chest flare with hope and, despite itself, nostalgia. This friendship of theirs is odd, given how they started, but it works. The titan rarely thinks of their first meeting, because it makes him ache with shame, but whenever he does he feels a great weight of regret in the depths of his mind. He hadn't been thinking straight, so controlled by his urges and the newfound pleasure that mares could bring him, leading him to blackmail the poor woman into standing for him. Now he has his rampant lusts somewhat under control, and he knows doing such a thing again would be....unspeakable.

What came from it - Zhu - is so precious that he finds it hard to truly regret what happened, but he only wishes that it had occured differently. He has worked hard to make amends, though, and he hopes he is somewhat succeeding. His mind and body alike have both developed in the years since that event, leading him to see the unicorn not as an object to be contorted to satisfy his desires, but a friend.

When Sikeax explains that she thought he was going to be Kid or Zhu, he finds himself frowning, sorrow tinging his eyes. "I'd hoped they were with you," he says, his voice aching with worry. Both boys were close to the Sea Soul, and he'd harboured some hope that they were with her. "I've been searching Helovia for them, but they are nowhere to be found." His concern for his sons is evident, and he swishes his tail as his mind wanders towards wherever they could possibly be. They are men grown, now, not little boys to wander off, yet that doesn't mean their father doesn't miss them on a daily basis.

He nods in agreement as she speaks of the Gods. "True," he rumbles. If only he could stop worrying for the fate of his beloved Earth God! Vérzés takes Hobgoblin's invite and leaps down to greet him, seeking to softly press his face into the rougarou's neck in a surprising gesture of affection. Volterra glances down, taken aback by his bonded's show of friendship, but finding it pleasing all the same.

Then she's smiling, and the titan finds himself smiling back. Surprised at his own audacity, he steps forwards to try and gently bump his nose against the Sea Soul's own, huffing gently through widened nostrils. He has always been a very touch-orientated sort of man and those closest to him usually find themselves falling victim more often to his roving nose and prying whiskers. It’s really nice to hear that. "It's true," he says simply. Volterra does not lie, and he has indeed missed the champagne mare.

He expects the revelation of his Sultanhood to be met with anger, disgust, abandonment even. Instead, she tells him that she's happy for him, and his level of respect for her increases another notch. If she is lying then she is pretty damn good at it, because the smile in her voice is easy to hear - it makes him relax, his great body sagging with relief. As she mentions that it was his dream, he nods. "It has always been my dream." The notion of deserving it more than anybody else makes him glow, but he thinks of the likes of Ampere and Tae who would probably disagree. Nonetheless, he will do the best he can, and he will raise the land to greatness.

"You know you are always welcome to return," he says.

volterra
vérzés & vadir

coloring & coding credit


@Sikeax

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]




Sikeax the Sea Soul Posts: 355
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16 hh :: 5 years HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Hobgoblin :: Common Rougarou :: Water & Seoul :: Plain White Dragon :: Toxic Breath Zuno
#7
Fortune favours the bold, and while Sikeax is not one to be claimed easily as bold, her previous was something she could claim as it. Volterra is quick to wisk away the subject with nothing but a dip of the head. Somehow, she wishes it wasn't as simple as that, but oh well, relief is already flooding in.
"See? Told so."
She could make a harsh remark if she was fast enough, but words are working their way out of their company's lips with no regard to what is left unknown, and while she can be prone to unintentional bouts spent quiet only to scream into the void with Hobgoblin, now is probably not the best time for that. The subject on their minds is too dire for that.
Nonetheless, he manages to catch her off guard, brows raised in a gentle motion that might barely be noticeable when his feelings truly announce themselves. As a mother, she knows the agony of what he admits to far too well, and can't help but scold herself at believing that he wouldn't worry for his sons as much as she does, if not more. The number that he must fret for has to greatly outweight the ones she must, but at least he manages it.
A frown slinks across her features without care. Ears tumble into a downed position and eyes are cast aside, Hobgoblin taking a brief pause in his attempt at abandonment to survey the pity and sorriness consuming her.
"Okay?"
His voice is a candle in the dark, reaching out through the fog, brave against the monsters that might exist within it only to ensure that she is alright. A firm ache is brewing in his chest. Together, they share the pain.
Yes. I'm okay. Thank you.
A nod of the head and their contact is split down the middle, broken into two wholes morphed into different beings. Hobgoblin is fast to blossom into the happiness that burns like wildfire when the dragon's touch hits him, despite the short seconds spent squirming in surprise. Hopefully Vérzés will not take it in ill, for once the feeling is accepted, purring thunders out of his chest.
His weight works to further shift into the red's body, all the while keeping an off smile on his features. Chuckling rings in his ears for a second before it's lost, fitting into place with Sikeax's voice.
A welcome savior.
"Kid is fine, I promise. I saw him a while back ago." Reassurance rings in her tone, but she can't help but feel the impending doom of what is coming. Zhu is still gone, and all of the pieces still feel like its her fault. She never spent enough time with him, never gave him enough love, but then again, he hadn't always been open to her endless affections. Stinging burns a hole in her lips where she bites it, holding back the truth.
"Zhu is," Hobgoblin's head breaks itself from the obvious display of affection currently occurring to give her a hard look, demanding truth. She can't find it for forever.
"Zhu is gone. He left a little while after his first birthday, and I haven't seen him since. He's probably out of Helovia now, somewhere far away." The agony of it makes her heart twist and wrench in a difficult mess of muscle contractions and emotional pain, deepening the pits growing at the end of her lips.
At least it's out there now, but she can't begin to imagine how he'll take it.
And as for what's left of their talk of Gods and their difficulties, she has nothing left to give other than the same nod as his own. A silent agreement stating its end.
It all crashes out too soon, because before she can really acknowledge it, he's there, closer than she's ever known him to be other than that day, except this time she finds herself at the opposite of end of his intentions. The touch is gentle, calm, soothing even, and without even noticing, she finds herself falling into it. His breath is warm, smelling of him. The texture of his muzzle runs against her own with a slip of a sigh from her lips. She shouldn't be enjoying this this much, but here she is, smiling, moving to press her face into either his own or his neck, ever mind of her horn.
Why, she asks herself with no possibility of an answer.
It crumbles in the aftermath of his announcement, still bearing her horrid attempt at a smile as he confirms her statement. It only makes her feel worse, and of course, something always comes along to make the whole situation worse.
She can't see why he doesn't understand that the whole reason that she's alone in the world, excluding Hobgoblin, is because she is running away from that place. She wants nothing to do with it, but his persistence to have her in a kingdom that he reigns over confuses her. In her own view of herself, she is nothing but a healer, a stronghold of knowledge to save lives and ease the passing towards death when nothing else is left. There are always others like her, and surely Aithneil was quick to replace her.
So, that brings her back around to the original, ever-constant question as of why?
"I don't know if I could go back." She brings it out with a weak sense of sureness, suddenly frightened of the idea of wounding him, but he's always come off as stone-hearted, so surely he can withstand the blow if it strikes. "It'd have to be something special, and as of right now, I'm not sure if there's anything left there for me. I failed a God, the people I considered my family, all of them. I can't even imagine why anyone there would want me to come back." Except maybe her daughter, but there is always the chance that she could rush to her daughter's aid and tear her away from such a place, and keep her safe somewhere else.

OOC: I hate this post and i'm so sorry to give it to you so badly but i couldn't stand making you wait any longer ;n;
"Talk."
Sikeax the
You were angels,
So much more than everything,

And I sit and listen dreamlessly,
A promise of salvation makes me stay

image | coding

@Volterra


you were angels,
so much more than everything

:: please tag me
:: minor force and power play allowed


Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#8
The sight of their companions embracing brings a small smile to the beast's face, pleased that the red seems to have a friend. That's something Vadir sorely lacks, with her draconic pride preventing her from offering kindness to anybody but fellow royals. Even those she tries to dominate beneath her bulk, and that attitude does not lend itself to friendship.

Sikeax's reassurance that Kid is fine causes a pang of relief to spread through him. "That is good news," he says. The colt - now a stallion - has always seemed independent, but that doesn't mean Volterra doesn't worry about him. Kid might not like his father, but the feeling is not mutual. He is of the Indomitable's seed, and thus earns the titanic man's worry and well-wishes. She adds - with a break in her voice - that Zhu is gone too, and the beast's face twists into an expression of concern. "He returned many months ago and seemed to be a man grown, however our meeting was a brief one. I've been tempted to send my dragons to search for him, but I fear he may resent it." Normally Volterra does what he wants with little regard for anybody in his path, but with his children he tries to approach things with more subtlety, more consideration for their feelings instead of just his own. There's a fine line between being a caring father and being a smothering one, and it's a line Volterra is reluctant to cross.

Rather than rejecting his touch as he'd feared, Sikeax instead embraces it, and Volterra finds himself sinking into the warm scent of her. She is familiarity, she is friendship, she is motherly warmth and subtle, sea-born strength. He finds himself pressing closer, ensuring that he has a steel grasp upon any hint of lust that tries to rear its head and conquer his body. This isn't the time for such things, not when he's still working hard to repair the bridges he burnt that day when he forced her into bedding him.

He gives a wistful sigh at her words, feeling an odd spasm of sadness at the seeming refusal to return home. Does he blame her, though? She'd been screwed over by people she called her family, and whilst Volterra is now a proud member of the Throat, he can't help musing over the coup and how it hadn't sat quite right with him. "I understand," he rumbles. Suddenly he can't think of any more words; there's just him and her, standing in an embrace that is both comfortable and alluring.

volterra
vérzés & vadir

coloring & coding credit


@Sikeax

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]




Sikeax the Sea Soul Posts: 355
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16 hh :: 5 years HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Hobgoblin :: Common Rougarou :: Water & Seoul :: Plain White Dragon :: Toxic Breath Zuno
#9
Some part of her wishes she could be like him, to pass through things in the world with such ease that nothing seems like it will ever bother him. Its simplicity makes envy grow in her chest, quickly stomped out by Hobgoblin’s harsh foot.
“No.”
She can’t be sure if it’s because he’s in a good mood now and intends to keep it, or if because he has no interest in withstanding it. Either way, she appreciates it for a few seconds before the situation comes rolling back in.
Guilt overwhelms her at the fact that she gave him the good news before the bad, because maybe she could have spared him the pain of knowing that something could happen to their only son and they’d never know, left in the dark to fret and weep as the world swallows him up and spits him back out, except that Sikeax can’t imagine Volterra truly crying. To see tears well up in the corners of his eyes might make her think that the world finds a way through everyone’s armor, regardless of how well made it is.
The look on his face makes it hurt more, aching in her throat until it pounds a sore spot in. She doesn’t want him to know, but-
“He probably would.” They come out without intention, bursting past her gates as Hobgoblin stinks into her pool of sorrow, now working to curl up into a position akin to cuddling with his friend, seeking out any source of relief from what’s coming.
“Don’t want lose Vérzés like Zhu. Send Vadir. She die, disappear, no care.”
Don’t be like that.
“You think too.”

A mental snort is sent his direction in which he’s got nothing left to fight it off with, listening it ring against his brain’s eardrums made just for her. He isn’t wrong, but she isn’t particularly willing to admit it.
“Hobgoblin wants you to send Vadir, so Vérzés can stay with him.” There’s a touch of humor to her tone, a stifled laugh hidden behind her words as Hobgoblin casts her a hurt look.
Live with it.
It slinks a frown across his face that he’d rather not throw out; letting his feelings towards others be known when they don’t relate to hated leaves room for weakness. She sends it back to him with nothing but a knowing, self-fulfilled smile as Volterra’s touch consumes her.
And then she’s feeling bad, because Volterra’s sigh at her refusal touches her ears in the wrong tone. If Hobgoblin’s feelings towards the dragon had done anything to pick her up and edged her into the light, then it’s surely lost now. It makes her heart sink and the weight of guilt crush her, casting her eyes down and simply sinking into him for only a few seconds before giving it up to replace with a strained, attempted touch of her muzzle to his cheek, trying to work in some sort of comfort.
“I didn’t mean to make you feel bad with that, if I did.” Even if her reach to his face fails, her shoulder is trying it’s best to lean into his chest, reaching her neck around for any sort of a hug with the intentions to work at growing his withers. “I love being around you, and having you in the Throat with me while I was Sultana was wonderful knowing I had someone beside me through it all, but I can’t go back there just yet.” Pain drowns out the comfort in her voice, taking away how nice this moment would be if she’d just take her emotions out of the picture. “Hobgoblin and I both love you and Vérzés a lot more than we’d admit, but some things are best left undone.” Whether or not she means in it in a romantic or platonic sense is up for their debate, for both of them have a mixed sense of what romance is meant to be. Hobgoblin’s only ideas of love is the pained mess that Sikeax’s feels towards her children, what was once there for Cera, and how Sikeax and him love each other in a confused sense of siblingship and friendship, and Sikeax’s only true messes of love exist in friendships and family, a broken heart that tells her to fear anything romantic from the promise of consequences.
“We’ll always come and visit you, though. I can promise that.” And it’s one she doesn’t intend to break, trying to keep her shaky hands clasped tight on any source of her happiness in her life, and especially Hobgoblin’s.

"Talk."
Sikeax the
You were angels,
So much more than everything,

And I sit and listen dreamlessly,
A promise of salvation makes me stay

image | coding

@Volterra


you were angels,
so much more than everything

:: please tag me
:: minor force and power play allowed


Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#10
It's just as well that Vadir isn't here, else the mare's statement would have her shrieking with disgust. She is not a simple beast to be commanded and sent away like a messenger! Her red brother, though, croons his agreement and shifts closer to Hobgoblin with a twitch of his crimson tail. "He agrees," says the mammoth man through a chuckle, even though Vérzés' body language should make that obvious enough.

It's hard to think of anything except how close their bodies are, how hot their skin feels against each other. Sikeax is probably the closest friend he's ever had, and whilst his feelings for her aren't the blazing hot passion and all-consuming love that he feels for Isopia, there's certainly something there for her. It's more than platonic, more than affectionate, yet there's aspects of both of those in whatever it is. He wants to protect her, nurture her, and right here and now he wants her as well. It's odd where that desire has come from, as their conversation and actions prior to it haven't exactly warranted it, so it takes him quite by surprise as he feels his eyes darken and his body tense with want.

Forcing aside the sudden eruption of feeling, Volterra concentrates on her words, as hard as that is when her muzzle has just softly grazed his cheek and sent a trail of hunger through his flesh. "You needn't explain yourself, Sikeax. I quite understand - in your position I would never want to set foot in the Throat again." His voice is soft, hopefully reassuring. At her next words, his ears prick firmly forwards and he finds himself staring at her, unsure if he's heard her correctly. Love? He does not know what to say to that, although he can feel the red dragon's approval burning softly through his bond towards Volterra. Vérzés has a very select list of people that he likes - there's Isopia and Hubris, Amaris and her spirit-dragons, and Sikeax with Hobgoblin. Given how they started it's odd how his affection for the shapeshifter has developed, but it has all the same and the declaration lands upon his grateful ears.

Volterra says nothing; he is not so good with words, and anything he could say would devalue Sikeax's confession. He merely shifts closer to Sikeax and allows her to guide whatever might happen next, happy to follow her lead. He knows what he wants, but only if she does, too - he's never making that same mistake again.

volterra
vérzés & vadir

coloring & coding credit


@Sikeax ugh sorry it's weird and sucks D:

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]




Sikeax the Sea Soul Posts: 355
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9 | dam: 6
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16 hh :: 5 years HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Hobgoblin :: Common Rougarou :: Water & Seoul :: Plain White Dragon :: Toxic Breath Zuno
#11
There’s a quick flurry of happiness and the distant feeling of pride when Volterra admits that Vérzés feels just the same towards them. It even works to throw a smile on her lips. At least Hobgoblin likes someone other than herself and her children, and it only makes her happier that he manages to get along well with someone she’s close to’s companion because in any other terms, it’d be next to impossible to achieve that.
But nonetheless, Sikeax doesn't nothing to stop a small laugh from coming out at the statement.
He offers some reassurance though, her ears pushed forward as skin grazes against skin, drinking in the strong smell of sweat and sand that's been burned into him, probably from the time he's spent in the Dragon's Throat now. Either way, it brings the quiet suffering of remembering that that's something that would be next to impossible to go back to, and that nearly all the people she's ever truly, deeply cared for are there without her, knowing she's gone and having to live a life that she's painfully vacant from. It etches a pained frown against her face, one that she tries her best to hide from him.
Hobgoblin offers no comfort in the meantime, and she doesn't blame him, but his yellow eyes feel cold on her skin despite how warm Volterra is.
Then there's the silence. Her chest finds that familiar ache again and goes back at it, lashing out at her for such an obvious display of emotion when their relationship has been (believably)nothing but strained from the beginning. She'd been right, some things are better left unsaid.
“I'm sorry" creeps out of her lips as the pressure of his body against her own builds, subconsciously returning it with equal pressure. “I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, if I did."
"Shut up. Show other way?"
She nearly doesn't want to listen to him saying it, reminded of what happened last time she did anything of that sense with him. Zhu had come forth, and while she loves to admit that her only biological son was a miracle in a sea of pain and mistakes, it scares her to take that plunge again.
Except the last few times she's been around Volterra and his children are around, he's been a good enough father. So, if the unevitable did occur, she could at least hope that his change of mind plays out better this time.
Not to mention, it wouldn't hurt to give him another chance. He's definitely proven himself a million times over, so with a touch of fear firmly embedded in her, and Hobgoblin's quiet encouragement, she gives in, giving him the go-ahead with her hips gently pressing into his body.
“Go ahead." confirms her decision, holding a touch of anxiety in it, risen from the only other time she's let this happen with him.

OOC: it's cool, i'm pretty sure this is the worst thing i've written in forever but dark and i are impatient c':

"Talk."
Sikeax the
You were angels,
So much more than everything,

And I sit and listen dreamlessly,
A promise of salvation makes me stay

image | coding

@Volterra


you were angels,
so much more than everything

:: please tag me
:: minor force and power play allowed



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