Heavy

the Rift

[PRIVATE] Heavy

Rikyn the Puppeteer Posts: 549

Aurora Basin Lord atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 4.5

Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.3 :: 4 HP: 70 | Buff: SWIFT

Duir :: Royal Cerndyr :: Earth Spirit Bunnie

04-12-2017, 02:56 PM

I'm all you ever wanted

She seems almost as if she’s frightened of me when I step away, which makes me feel even more frustrated and overwhelmed than I already do. I hadn’t meant to come across as angry, so much as, I don’t know, disappointed, I guess. Disappointed that she thought that I might lash out at her, or call her names, or otherwise insinuate that having slept with me, and having a son already, made her less respectable somehow, or proved she moved from man to man, like an object…

I’m sorry, she apologizes, and the anger at myself and at her clenches tight in my chest again. Don’t, I want to shout at her, but don’t, instead look back, and, before long, reach out to touch her face, inviting her back home, here, with me.

The silence that extends then is too long, and begins to dig into my spirit like claws. The longer I stand there, waiting, heart out on the open air, the more and more doubt creeps in, trying to swallow my bold confidence that, surely, she will chose me. Life, however, has routinely proven my overt pride wrong; the whims of fate care not that I believe I can conquer any task set before me, or that I am worthy of the admiration and respect of those I come into contact with.

It had taken, and maimed, and discarded, until all I had was that pride, laid cautiously over a pit of loss, tampered on either side of that black abyss by the meager relationships I had managed to sustain, despite my wild attempts to obliterate them all. It feels, as I stare at her, waiting, as if the recently placed stone I’ve labeled Glacia has begun to sink into the middle of my protective tarp, weighing it all down. The cold rises up in the pit of my belly, and my heart, at the bottom of that damp, barely covered hole of emptiness, begins to harden, layering itself beneath steel, preparing for the impact of her leaving…

When, at last, she answers.

I sigh relief into her hair, as it sways into my face when she presses her warm cheek against mine. When she steps away, holding my eyes with hers, however, my confidence again ebbs. Let her in? I think, the pleasant sensation of her lips on my chest only distracting enough to keep me from immediately fleeing, instead of stopping to think about it, first, like I do now. Who had I ever let in?

No one. I could lie to her, I suppose, tell her that I’ll give her my whole heart and soul, all that stupid shit in the love stories you hear to tell women you want to woo, but… I respect Glacia, as I told her. I don’t want to be untruthful, if I don’t have to, and, while, sure, maybe having someone to be there for you, and you for them, forever and ever, does sound nice, but I’m also not the man in those stories, nor she the maiden who was always being won over by a valiant, honorable prince or knight at the end. Sure, I was prince, well enough…

But I’d been raised by a woman who was more wolf than mother, and a father who, for all his love, was a man of his work, as much as he was a guide and mentor; he didn’t have time to chase a growing boy about, to make sure the lessons he learned were ones of justice, and not shadow.

I guess I take too long deciding what to say. She gives me congratulations, and my smile in reply is meager, especially so when she mentions my mother in correlation with goodness.

"I will be a thousand times the leader she was," I gruffly swear, to Glacia, myself, the mountain, with a borderline hostile determination that, to some, was perhaps frightening; I’d die if I was anything less than everything my mother had ever dreamed of being, and more. I’d spent too much time hating her and calling her worthless to not kick her memory’s ass into a ditch, where it belongs. I’m going to try to be a better parent, too, but… I look at the crystal horned mare before me with softer eyes, wondering how well I’ll do at that, if I can’t even talk to my future kid’s mom about more than the weather, or how nice her legs look. The sigh which is thusly procured after my impassioned pledge to be the best Lord in the history of Lording is long, and deep, and makes my buck roll his eyes.

"Look, Glacia…" I pause, mentally kicking myself onward, to get out the ugly truths of what I’m going to say – she can run away, if she wants to. Hell, I half expect her to – to leave me here, with the knowledge that, somewhere, I’ve made a life that I will never be a part of shaping. I’d accept that, at least more than I could accept telling her I’ll be everything she wants, to really let her and our kid down later on. "I’m not good at any of this shit. The whole what’s your favorite color, this is mine, or a ‘what do you think about this’ and ‘how does that make you feel…?’ kind of guy. I can’t tell you we’ll wind up in love and together forever and all that stupid crap in the stories you hear as a foal. Half those stories are bullshit, anyway, and you know it."

"All I can promise you is, well, me, as I am now," I conclude, deciding I’ve probably done enough verbal bludgeoning of our tentative relationship already, "and aside from having a lot of responsibility, now days… I guess I'm pretty well the worst choice you could have made, if you were looking for Prince Charming. But I’m not going anywhere, either. If you need me, me, I’ll be here."

[ OOC: RIGHT its ridiculous these derps derping ;_; ]

what the other boys all promised

Image by VeerDesigns@DA - Code by Me
@Glacia

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Messages In This Thread

Heavy - by Glacia - 04-06-2017, 04:55 PM

RE: Heavy - by Rikyn - 04-06-2017, 08:24 PM

RE: Heavy - by Glacia - 04-07-2017, 09:31 PM

RE: Heavy - by Rikyn - 04-10-2017, 10:14 AM

RE: Heavy - by Glacia - 04-10-2017, 10:13 PM

RE: Heavy - by Rikyn - 04-12-2017, 02:56 PM

RE: Heavy - by Glacia - 04-20-2017, 08:50 PM

RE: Heavy - by Rikyn - 04-27-2017, 08:45 AM

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