the Rift


[JUDGE] night and day [aisha]

Rapha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#1

B A C C H U S



Where was Snö? The equine did not like being away from her, did not like being separated, not when he was at the mercy of a hundred piercing horns all too ready to cut right through his heart. Here he was, in the Frostbreath Steppe, slicing a steady path through the rock and ice. It was cold, not as cold as Frostfall, but still bitter fingers tugging at your ears and lips, and when the wind began moaning, it went right through you like a freezing ghost, snatching your mane and twisting your tail.

Bacchus shivered, cold water running metaphorically down his spine. There was only the crunch of snow under his hooves, white powder being compressed to leave hoofprints behind him. Not deep, for he was small, but prominent in the frozen tundra that remained an icescape year-round. Shoots of grass, brittle yellows with faded greens, pressed up against the frozen earth, disrupting the uniform gray-and-white making up the land. Sunshine, weak sunshine, filtered in from a thick blanket of gray clouds drifting in the sky. Not the yellow of the forest light, but a watery white that seemed as cold and impressionable as Snö herself.

He continued on his winding path, a forlorn little figure, a black chesspiece on a board of frosted glass. A pawn, in fact. Useful and plain. Necessary at times, and it had very good uses. It was disposable, but you would prefer it to remain on your chessboard.

Breath came frosted from his lips, tumultuous clouds that twisted into the air in forms of dragons and wolves and unicorns, all manner of wondrous, exotic, terribly dangerous beasts. Bacchus slowed to a halt upon a slight rock outcropping, positioned a touch higher than the land around it. There was a rick-tick-clop as he dragged a dirty black hoof across it, leaving a slender, long mark in the stone. Dark brown eyes squinted in his tan face, half-shutting to look in the distance. What was that? A mare? Black as night, a horn of ebony and obsidian. He shifted his weight, drawing his feet under himself, standing taller. Nostrils flared- no, he was downwind, and it did not smell of the Plague his lady Snö belonged to. At least the slave thought Snö belonged to.

"You cannot pass, unicorn!" He called, running light-footed across the steppe towards her. Even if it was a half-hearted fight, Bacchus would at least spar with her to turn the black mare away gently. Never had he been trained as a fighting slave, as one of the barbarians in Prisporian throw into pits to attack with savage eyes. Some have been gifted with armor, with spikes and dangerous things. They have been the ones unaware of anything, not speaking, hardly equine- grunting creatures who did brunt work and were little more than handsome looking, totally savage creatures. "Care for a spar, lady?" The slave questions, halting four or five feet away from her. She's larger, yes, but even so, surely he must at least try. He cannot smell any others of the Plague to turn her away, and this black unicorn has a scent of foreign beings.

--

WC: 527
Attack: 0/2 ---
OOC: You can start with Aisha attacking first if you want.

i'm a COWARD, a LIAR, and totally, utterly pathetic- I ADMIT IT





Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#2

Paramore
~ All we know is falling


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Aisha didn't really know where she was going,she had only just arrived in Helovia and was sill really exploring. She walked at a steady pace,taking in her surroundings. Ice.Ice.Ice. The land around her was bleak and just about lifeless. Few trees stood hanging low over the ground,all iced over and dead. The sun had seemingly given up on warming this land,coldness bit into Aisha,giving her light shivers. I dread to think what it is like here in winter. Another shiver ran though her,causing her to shake uncontrollably. Despite the cold she choose not to go elsewhere as she was convinced they would be packed with other horses. At least here,she could be alone.


At least she thought.


She soon realised during her stroll,that she was board. Since she got her she hadn't done much. At the most-walk around he Throat meeting others. She had one passion in life,and that was fighting. Oh how she longed to be facing another,eyes gleaming with excitement.


Little did she know it was just round the corner.


Her keen senses soon picked up the scent of a stallion. Pricking her ears slightly she lifted her muzzle up,waiting for the smell to pass by again. She changed direction, heading towards that of the stallions she picked up her pace. Soon enough the stallion came into view. His dun color was pale against the ice,his dark muzzle outlining his head. You cannot pass, unicorn! Can't she? She saw his words as a challenge. A opportunity to live her passion once more. Now a solider,she had to get her skills up to scratch as she suspected they were rusty after about a year of no fighting. Care for a spar, lady? His voice rang out again as she took in the horses build. Small was the only word that came to her.



"Well stallion,I must say I will be a little rusty-it has been a while since I last fought. Oh and,by the way,my name is Aisha." Her voice was cunning,tempting as some horses might say. She paused,but only for a split second. She was soon belting forward at a strong galloping,arching her head and aiming her horn at his chest on the left side. She could feel her body warming as the sudden change of her temperament. She felt alive,wild. A feeling she loved and always had done.


WC:426

Summary:Aisha introduces herself-hoping to stall him-before galloping straight to him,horn aimed at his left shoulder.


"blah blah blah."




Rapha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#3

B A C C H U S



Bacchus had never been a philosopher. He was not a leader. He had no reason to worry about the herd. The only thing a slave must think of is how to carry out their orders in utmost speed, to be quick and steady and submissive, to carry oneself in such a way they slipped unnoticed through the world. Especially in Helovia, where acting as a slave outside of unicorn company, or drawing attention, could be a downfall. If the Throat caught him, for one example, they would not expect him to be part of the Plague, unless he expressed himself as Snö's- but his own selfishness prevented that. To say he was one of the Plague's slaves was to say he was a spy, an informer, and that would cause pain. Pain at the hands of the enemies, no matter how nice they would seem.

Bacchus wasn't lax or lazy either. He, though indeed compact and small, had his advantages in speed and quick movement, broad-chested with his blood, and stamina improved by work under mistress Snö and the traveling of the Plague. Bacchus knew the terrain of the Steppe where this mare may not, living as he had here. At the same time he challenged this black mare, he felt guilt. Blasphemy, it was, daring to fight a unicorn. It went against the fibers of his being, rubbed him the wrong way. And Snö had never told him to fight off intruders. She had said to avoid contact with blood-thirsty, battle-hungry others all too ready to attack. It felt as if a great big spider was scuttling down his back as the blackened mare replied. Her tones were rich, almost seductive, but he only longed for one mare's cold-shouldered company- Snö's. The mare said her name was Aisha. Aaaaa-sha?

Bacchus was started into action by the mare leaping forward, eyes with a warrior's glint in them. Her head lowered, horn ready to shear the muscle of his shoulder. You must remember, of course, that a slave is used to ducking blows of an angry master. Bacchus was just a slave though, and he didn't know much of battle tactics. Once he had, as a wild, hot-headed colt, before being kicked and beaten into submission. After that, his sails were no longer full of wind. The dun was fearful, selfish, pessimistic, always avoiding the next beating. They had considered putting him in with the fighting slaves, but he had proved useful in other ways.

Spurred as he was by his naturally- or unicorn-made- flighty instincts, the small boy twisted to avoid the scrape of the obsidian horn. Fear, the primal instinct ready to consume, was coming quick, drowning him. He was shaking, already, at the prospect of fighting one of his mortal gods, one of the unicorns, even if she, Aisha, were not of the Edge. What am I doing? No, he told himself- You must protect yourself. Protect Lady Snö. The thought process was not exactly that, more the primal combination of fear and loyalty driving home into him much quicker, but so Bacchus would try to fight. There was no point in trying to knock her over, unless he was up on a mountain and her downhill, so as she slipped by, he aimed a one-two mule kick at her fine ebony legs. Almost parallel to her, he twisted his lean body back towards her, fores half-lifting off the ground, white teeth snapping at her haunches. Then he broke away from the sinuous black body, just a couple of feet mind you, and spun on his haunches back to face her. He couldn't recall if his hooves or teeth had made contact, no, he was fighting his mental battle of fear and unease as well.

--

WC: 629
Attack: 1/2 | Kicks at her forelegs as she runs by - twists over, half-rear, to nip at her haunches.

i'm a COWARD, a LIAR, and totally, utterly pathetic- I ADMIT IT





Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#4

Paramore
~ All we know is falling ~


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Her whole heart was being put into this fight. She was determined to win and wouldn't let the glory go to this stallion. He did not seem to be a warrior,not even a fighter. Just a stallion alone wanting to prove himself. Neither did he have the build,his body was nimble and small. Very small. He was probably a pony,maybe just below a horse? No Aisha, concentrate. Her gallop seemed to last a long time,in a world of her own with the beat of her hoofs on the ice as distant music. It was just her and the stallion now. One against one. Horse against horse.


Galloping on,coming back to reality,she arched her head more,focusing her aim so that she knew exactly where she was going to hit-if he hadn't dodged. He obviously wasn't a bad a fighter as she first thought. He was nimble and agile,quick thinking. But he didn't seem to be the most powerful horse but she was prepared for surprises,for all she knew. He could be stronger then her. Her keen eyes flicked to the side as she half twisted,kicking out her back legs-not aiming,just hoping. As she did he also kicked up,giving him a good aim of her tummy. She cursed herself as she felt a slight kick of his hoofs on her tummy but it didn't hurt. He wasn't close enough to do her much-or any-damage to her except pushing her of balance for a second. She quickly recovered,drawing her hind legs in close before managing to add in a extra quick kick of her hoofs. He twisted as she took a few steps back,shaking her head down so that when he came down he would,hopefully,get a good stab from her horn. She reared slightly,hoping to in force the impact of her horn quicker,if he didn't dodge again. When she came down he flicked her body round as he tryed to grab her flesh on her haunches she flicked her back legs up,extending them to there full length. The bite was missed,but only narrowly.


As they both faced each other Aisha took a few steps towards him,her ears flat back as a warning. Halting,she stamped her hoof a few times,shifting snow beneath her. Heat was now surging though her body. She felt 'proud' of fighting once again. Suddenly she turns again,all for hoofs raising of the ground slightly,back legs extending as her front legs thrash about in the air. She has good aim of his head and preys it will be hit. Not hard-just enough to hurt him a little. Landing,she turns again,side stepping round him,kicking out her front right leg as she tries to grab his neck with her teeth,hoping to tear away some of the skin.

WC:454

Summary:Aisha takes a light blow on her tummy. When he turns and rears she does a small rear,aiming her horn up so that when he comes down he should hopefully get a stab. She flicks her body round,kicking out again,as he try's to bite her,he narrowly misses. She lifts up on all fours,kicking about hoping to catch his head. Then she trys to grab his neck between her teeth.


"blah blah blah."




Rapha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#5

B A C C H U S



There was a thud, a gentle jolt, as Bacchus' hinds landed firm and square upon the Aisha's black belly. For a moment, surprise and horror whispered in his ears. Now he had gone and done it! Attacking a unicorn! How Snö would scorn him, berate him, beat him, for doing such a blasphemous, nefarious thing! No, she wouldn't. You are protecting her right now, her and the others she cares for, like her mother. His hooves did not slip on the powder surface, even though he sensed that soon he would go quite off-balance with the amount of white stuff building up around his frogs. It was to his surprise that upon the moment he stretched upon his hind legs, the mare's horn was positioned so that it would pierce his heart.

In his haste, he almost fell straight through the sharp black sword, as his hind legs went stumbling back. It looked a bit like some sort of bizarre dance movement as he spun away from her, hooves landing more forcefully than he would prefer upon the frozen tundra sod. Moments, milliseconds afterwards did he bounce foreward, teeth snapping down on empty air beside her haunches. A black hoof nicks at his chest, for he is positioned at a nearly 90 degree angle to the mare, and it does hurt, a bit at least, before they pull away. Bacchus wasn't sure much of battle. Did this mean they were done and over? That she had given up? He shifts, ears mimicking Aisha's as the audits flatten to a skull of night.

Then the prowling black mare attacks again, launching herself forward with a leap forward, for a moment suspended in the air. Again, the slave is startled. She is aggressive, forward- she dances, but without the grace of an expert it seems, through her brutal movements. He backs quickly, controlling his skittish nerves, as she lands. Snö's slave doesn't understand why she even bothered with the move- surely she knew he could see it coming? Then again, unicorns are more predatory than most equines, even despite the legends of maiden-loving white creatures who flit through the forest on silent feet.

The plain black mare moves swiftly around to him, and he jerks right. What does she think she's doing? One hoof paws at him. He saw it as a poor movement. Horses cannot move their legs up nearly high enough standing, not with enough speed or strength behind the blow, to actually harm someone. In fact, it's a rather slow movement. For a moment, the pony stands stock-still, confused, looking at her in totally unknowing eyes. What is she doing? It is then that Bacchus realizes she does not mean for her leg to hurt, but her teeth. White, grinding teeth, snap at his neck. He moves away from the flat white squares shutting close. "What are you doing, Aisha?" He questions, before launching his counter-attack.

Remember, he is only three feet away from her at this point, and so he thrusts forward with as much speed he can muster in the short distance, lowering his skull and angling one shoulder forward. He plans to do nothing more than ram her, hit her hard and square into her oily black shoulder. Then Bacchus slips by, breath coming in thicker clouds. His coat does not sweat, he was pleased to note. Safe he was now, as he returns to the stone outcropping a little ways away. "Do you agree, Aisha, that we stop here now and part our ways, with you returning to your herd?"

--

WC: 595
Attack: 2/2 | Avoids her blows, aims to ram Aisha in the shoulder, head tucked away so it would not be easily smashed or hit. Then withdraws to higher ground.

i'm a COWARD, a LIAR, and totally, utterly pathetic- I ADMIT IT





Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#6

Paramore
~ All we know is falling


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Aisha stood patiently,waiting for his move and ignoring his question. As he surged into life she arched her head-horn at the ready for him to ram himself into her horn. She aimed it to his right shoulder. Bracing herself for the impact she stepped forward,he was now only CM's away for the sword that stuck out so proudly of her head. Taking another step she could feel his flesh,not pierced,but just flesh. She plunged forward,hoping to be able to stab him.


Drawing her head up she took a few hasty step back,as did he. She was quivering with excitement. She was not tired either,she felt she could go on forever. Her body was still tense though, in case he decided to add in a extra attack. Do you agree, Aisha, that we stop here now and part our ways, with you returning to your herd? Yes,she supposed she did all though she could still feel the warriors spirit rushing though her blood and bones. She had come out unharmed. He had barley got her with his kicks,only a tap on her tummy-not even a bruise was going to be there. She tossed her pretty little head,reviling her scar. "If you wish to." She bowed slightly. "We shell both return to out home." She took a few steps back before turning and darting away,Her body gracefully,almost gliding,over the snow and ice.


WC:243

Summary:Aisha bows her head as he galloping towards her-horn ready to stab him in his left shoulder. She says a quick good bye and leaves.


"blah blah blah."




Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#7




A i s h a | B a c c h u s
- - - - -
By my verdict BACCHUS is the winner.

AISHA -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Horn charge

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

BACCHUS -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: dodge charge
+ 1| Attack: cow-kick
- 1| Attack: haunch bite – she was running by and would be out of range by the time your kicks ended.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AISHA -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: cow kick
+ 1| Defense: kicked in stomach – it’s because he’s close this doesn’t do much damage. Kicks get their power from fully extending.
+ 1| Attack: buck
- 1| Attack: horn rear - if you rear when he’s rearing then he cannot come down onto your horn because your horn is brought up. He is also aiming for your hindend which is nowhere near your horn.
- 1| Defense: dodged bite - the bite should not have missed in the situation you placed yourself in, nor do you describe how or why it missed.
- 1| Attack: buck – don’t understand how you could buck before he bites when you just reared.
+ 1| Attack: buck at head
+ 1| Attack: hoof paw – this seems like an awkward attack, a stomp or dive would have been better.
+ 1| Attack: neck bite

[Prose]
0| Emotion.
0| Flow
0| Easy read

BACCHUS -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: no mention of her cow-kick during his cow-kick
- 1| Defense: no mention of her other buck before they rear
+ 1| Defense: avoid the horn
+ 1| Defense: slight kick in chest
- 1| Defense: no mention of her head kick
+ 1| Defense: pawed
+ 1| Defense: bitten
+ 1| Attack: shoulder ram

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AISHA -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: You attacked rather than defended with you horn.
- 1| Powerplaying: “Taking another step she could feel his flesh, not pierced, but just flesh. She plunged forward, hoping to be able to stab him.” I’m not sure how you could feel flesh that is not pierced, when he is charging at your horn. Either way he has not said that his flesh was pierced, near your horn, or near for you to touch if you’re not being hit by the charge.


AISHA

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You have a good idea of horse fighting and their attacks and defenses, but I think you could use more practice with their positioning and timing. Try researching horse fights a bit and study other fights on this site. You also attacked a bit too much in your posts, which makes it hard to understand and react properly for your opponent and you. Don’t forget to add in more emotion too. Continue working on it and I know you’ll improve.

BACCHUS

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed
+ 1| Health

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You definitely have a good feeling for fighting mechanics, and I enjoyed the emotion you placed in your posts. I would like to see a bit more though, I never felt fully connected to Bacchus and there was a lot of potential with his internal struggle over fighting a unicorn when he’s a slave. Perhaps slow down a bit and read more clearly, as you forgot some of your opponent’s attacks. Remember too to use surroundings to your advantage, or disadvantage!

TOTAL
AISHA - 56
BACCHUS - 61


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


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