the Rift


something borrowed, something blue [Rowan, open]

Sohalia the Transcended Posts: 477
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: 10 (ages in Orangemoon) HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Astraeus :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya ChaoticMelodies
#1
Sohalia

The sun shines in gentle rays, setting my outstretched wings aflame in the hues of sunrise. I am gliding, far above the land, surely just a speck to those on the ground. It is warm, as Birdsong often is, and the day promises to be beautiful indeed. There isn't a cloud in the sky as yet, and a gentle breeze plays with my banner. I bank, turning a lazy half-circle, following the thermals that keep me afloat so easily. I have no real purpose, no intentions of going anywhere. I am simply flying for the joy of flying.

My thoughts, however, are not nearly so graceful as my body: they are jumbled, each one clamoring for attention, claiming my focus for but a moment before a new one leaps into its place. Ah, if only I could simply put my brain to sleep, then I would truly be at peace - but this is not an ability that I have acquired. And so it continues. Note. Levi. Phaedra. Foals. Rowan. Cassiopeia. Learning. Drama. On and on and on it goes. If I could simply make my wandering mind understand that I would think of all of it if I could do it one at a time, perhaps my life would be easier. But, then, can I not force my thoughts to bend to my will? It is, after all, my mind!

I concentrate, allowing my wings to drift into autopilot. They beat every now and then, keeping me afloat, but riding the thermals takes very little effort. Now then, I think. Who's first? Phaedra leaps to the forefront of my thoughts, and a soft smile crosses my maw. She and I are going to have more in common than we realize soon, I think. I remind myself to find her soon, to check on her, to be sure that she is safe and well - not only physically, but mentally as well. So, too, do I remind myself to seek out Levi (he is now the topic of my brain's scrutiny). Surely by now he and Phaedra have talked and, if I am correct, he is bound to be heartbroken. If he does not blame me for leading him wrong - of course, how was I to know the truth? - then he will certainly want a shoulder to lean on. He will be very hurt, I think.

Note. My smile widens and an affectionate hum works its way free from my throat. My feelings for him grow ever stronger, and again I marvel at how well Phaedra had matched us. If she ever leaves the Grey, she should become a matchmaker. Note is probably training today, and so here I am, soaring through the skies, alone and at peace. I know that when I see him next, it will be magical, just as every time before has been. And, after all, our relationship is only growing. I tell myself to seek him out tonight. I do not want to go any longer without seeing him. Rowan is the next to come to mind. She is, perhaps, my closest friend, and yet I have not seen much of her in my brief time in the Throat. I frown, wondering where I might find her - I have so much to tell her, so much to fill her in on...

My wings are beginning to tire, and I realize that the sun is well above the horizon now. I begin to fly in large circles, drifting lower and lower until I am able to land easily. I am in the Thistle Meadow, I believe, and I marvel at how far I have come during the course of organizing my thoughts. A soft laugh falls from my lips as I gaze around me. It is beautiful, in its own way, I suppose, just as every place is. And everyone, I remind myself. Yes, everyone holds their own beauty, even if it is not the generally accepted kind. I lower my maw, snatching up a few mouthfuls of grass. I am surprised by how truly lush it is, having expected it to be... drier. Ah, well. Live and learn.

"Talk talk talk."
Sohalia
Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried...
Please tag Sohalia in all replies.
Use of force and/or magic (with the exception of death) is allowed at all times.

Want to place an order?  Visit Crystalline Creations here!
Want to plot with Sohalia?  Visit her plot page here!

Rowan Posts: 76
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: 3 Years 4 Months
Brit
#2



It seemed Rowan's life was just as dull and mundane as it always was, filled with the day to day life of a resident of the Throat. Her mind was starting to reject it, and was turning in on itself. Building and building and building the knowledge that threatened to overwhelm her. Revising every mental map she had until it was a three dimensional, perfectly detailed structure in her mind. Thermal, elevation, boundaries...Rowan had been told by Cassiopeia that it was both a curse and a gift, her mind. She believed her, and accepted that at the moment it was simply acting on part of the former and not the latter. Rowan had been in the Throat for what seemed like seasons, considering she'd been there for nearly three. Yet, the only friends she had were Sohalia and Cassiopeia. If her mentor could be considered her friend, of course. Rowan dearly hoped so, but did not know if the Oracle felt the same. It hurt her heart to know that she was so invisible in her herd, that nobody knew or remember her name. Was she truly so unlikable? So insignificant that people merely looked over her, past her? Her mind rebelled at this thought, objecting that her intelligence far surpassed those around her, that she could run circles around those with far lesser intelligence quotients. Then one night she'd been given pause. Was her superior mind all that made her special, in any way? She certainly wasn't beautiful like Sohalia or Cassiopeia. Even Kri made their similar colors look far grander than Rowan. These depressing thoughts had her running towards the borders, horrified that she was so consumed by knowing herself and trying to stabilize her turmoil over her manipulative adoptive mother that she couldn't even be normal and make friends.

Tears pricked at oceanic eyes, but she refused to let them fall. How long she ran she didn't know, but she was glad that the stamina she'd gained from living in the rugged desert all her life had not left her completely. Flanks were drenched and neck arching with every stroke of pillars that ate up the ground despite her short stature. She needed to get away, away, away. To remind herself that she wasn't impossible to love. She was special, wasn't she? Somehow? Flight over land was stopped when the form of another was spotted, one she knew rather well. The lean, beautiful cream form of Sohalia was unmistakable. Distressed, Rowan started forward again. Needing a comforting shoulder, someone who understood. Who was actually a friend to her. Rowan's weary face betrayed every self-deprecating emotion she was feeling as she approached. "Sohalia?" she called out, though her voice shook slightly. Swallowing hard and taking a deep, shuddering breath to try and calm herself. Sohalia didn't deserve Rowan coming out of nowhere in near hysteria, no matter how kind she was.



Sohalia the Transcended Posts: 477
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: 10 (ages in Orangemoon) HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Astraeus :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya ChaoticMelodies
#3
Sohalia

I feel very relaxed. It is a good feeling, and I realize that I have carried many burdens lately. I seldom stop to think about how they might affect me; after all, if I can take the weight from my friend's shoulders, is it not the right thing to do for me to do so? Even so, today, in the Meadow, I realize the repercussions of my actions. It does not bother me, you see - I will continue to be a shoulder to lean on, should my friends need it - but I must admit, it is nice to have a day to myself, when I can simply relax, nap in the sun, and remember the good things in life. I smile as I remember our recent antics, Note and I - a family I think with a happy sigh. Can I truly finally have my dreams come true? It would seem so. Still, I cannot help but worry - after all, my parents had never expected for their lives to end so suddenly, had they? I shake my head, banishing the thoughts. Today is a day for rest and relaxation. No doubt I will have plenty of time to worry about my budding family later. It is quiet here, and peaceful, and somewhere between cropping grass and enjoying the sun's warmth, I fall asleep.

I am woken by a familiar voice, though its tone is one that I did not expect. I lift my head from its half-hanging position and blink the sleep from my eyes. Immediately a smile brightens my face at the sight of my dear friend Rowan; as she draws closer, however, my grin falters, falling into a creased brow and a frown. Something is dreadfully wrong, and my heart goes out to the quiet, withdrawn fae. We are so alike, she and I, and I consider her easily my closest friend. It pains me to see her like this. Even her voice trembled, and I move to intercept her, bumping my nose to hers in greeting. "Rowan, whatever is the matter?" My lyrics are tinged with concern, reflected in bi-colored, worried orbs. I immediately look her over - she seems well enough on the outside, so I am worried not for her health. But I know that she would be quite easy to hurt mentally. I bristle silently, wondering if her hysterics were anyone's fault - and if so, where I might find them, so I might teach them a lesson.

"Talk talk talk."
Sohalia
Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried...
Please tag Sohalia in all replies.
Use of force and/or magic (with the exception of death) is allowed at all times.

Want to place an order?  Visit Crystalline Creations here!
Want to plot with Sohalia?  Visit her plot page here!

Rowan Posts: 76
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: 3 Years 4 Months
Brit
#4



Rowan finds the desire inside to turn and leave when she realizes that Sohalia is dozing, unwilling to wake her over what she considers to be such trivial matters. Her heart and her mind have always been disconnected, but Rowan was ruled by her mind. Yet somehow overnight her heart had taken the reins on the matter, and no matter how many times her brain told her that it was silly and idiotic, her heart hurt and ached with loneliness and self-hatred. But it is too late to back out, for Sohalia is awake and blinking sleep from her eyes. Rowan steps closer, completely lost and needing Sohalia's guidance. The younger woman did not understand emotions very well, and certainly didn't know how to deal with them. So this sudden tidal wave made her feel like she was falling apart, unable to understand why logic couldn't help her. So immediately she had sought Sohalia, because the pegasus was her only true friend. Her only friend at all. Heart throbbed at that, and she feared irrationally that her chest might split apart from this pain she didn't comprehend. But she was in luck, for her friend seemed to realize quite quickly that something was wrong.

Rowan is quickly met, and her breath hitched with emotion when their muzzles brushed. Returning the gesture almost desperately, though she tried to hide it. The fae felt like she was crumbling and needed someone external to right the balance and return the power to her mind instead. Weak, she is weak. The thought resounds in her head. "I-I have come to a terrible realization, Sohalia," she choked out, somehow managing to retain her composure. Sohalia doesn't deserve to pick up your pieces, she hissed at herself.
"And my heart is going wild and I cannot control it and I do not understand why it hurts so terribly badly!" Voice shook and rushed, showing plainly that her mind was no longer able to conquer matters of the heart. Ears drooped and she stood almost listlessly before her friend. Eyes surprisingly moist, though she was too stubborn to allow them freedom. "I-I am nothing. You are the only friend I have, and I h-have realized that...that I am impossible to befriend! There must be something wrong with me because...because I feel all these things but I don't know what they are! And I tell myself it's idiotic, logically these things should not affect me, but it does nothing to stop it!" Fear tinged her vocals, so unused to speaking so much but unable, it seemed, to stop. One single tear went streaking down her cheek. Voice dropped to a tremulous whisper. "I have realized...th-that I only have you, and that I-I shall never...shall never feel love o-or friendship. I am not normal!" Pain and hatred echoed in her tone and ears pinned slightly in agony. What hurt most, perhaps, was knowing she would not find love. Was she even worthy of it? Seeing Azzuen and Cassiopeia together, perhaps that was what had set off this episode. They were so in tune with each other, but Rowan didn't know if anyone could stand her long enough to love her, much less become so intimate with her to always know how to react to her. "I do not understand what it is I am feeling! And it has come on so suddenly and-!" Rowan cut herself off, choking down her words and took a step back from Sohalia, murmuring an apology for her actions and hysteria. Rhythmically twitching her tail against her legs, counting them and the seconds between them, mouthing them on occasion. Anything to stabilize her mind, let her calm down. Heart sank and she found herself thinking that she wouldn't be surprised if Sohalia simply turned and left her, horrified by how delirious she seemed.



Sohalia the Transcended Posts: 477
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: 10 (ages in Orangemoon) HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Astraeus :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya ChaoticMelodies
#5
Sohalia

There is such pain in her eyes that I am hard pressed to hold her gaze. You cannot possibly understand the ties that she and I share; kindred spirits in separate bodies, but somehow it seems that I have flourished where she is dying. Perhaps not literally, no, for there are no marks upon her hide, no rattling breath of death - but mentally, there is no doubt, she is being crushed, mutilated, tormented by demons unknown to me - until now. My touch even seems to hurt her - I do not miss the hitch in her breathing, the struggle to hold her speech together. A lump forms in my throat, a small bloom of panic appearing in my mind. I step closer, pressing my body against hers, resting a wing gently across her shoulders. Anything to keep her close, make her feel right, make her feel loved.

"I-I have come to a terrible realization, Sohalia, and my heart is going wild and I cannot control it and I do not understand why it hurts so terribly badly!" Her words are rushed, uncontrollably panicked, and something in me fears desperately for my friend. What could be this bad? What could haunt her so? "I-I am nothing. You are the only friend I have, and I h-have realized that...that I am impossible to befriend! There must be something wrong with me because...because I feel all these things but I don't know what they are! And I tell myself it's idiotic, logically these things should not affect me, but it does nothing to stop it!" A tear falls, and my heart with it. She is whispering now. "I have realized...th-that I only have you, and that I-I shall never...shall never feel love o-or friendship. I am not normal! I do not understand what it is I am feeling! And it has come on so suddenly and-!" She becomes incoherent, stepping away from me, seeming to concentrate on calming herself.

I follow. She will not face this alone. I fix myself beside her bodice again, using my wing to try to pull her against me, to support her shaking form with my own. I murmur soft words, my tone one of consolation, hoping to offer some comfort. "You are not alone, Rowan. You are never alone," I finally manage to say, my lyrics overwhelmed with emotion. More fervently, I continue, my words falling quickly, earnestly. "You say that you are not normal, but... what is normal? How do we define what is normal? Rowan, none of us are normal! That's what makes the world so interesting. You say that you are impossible to befriend - but if that is so, then how did you become my dearest friend?" I pause, gazing intently at her. "You are lonely, aren't you, Rowan?" It is a soft question, kind, inviting her to speak more, to pour her heart out if she must. I only hope that I can calm her.

"Talk talk talk."
Sohalia
Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried...
Please tag Sohalia in all replies.
Use of force and/or magic (with the exception of death) is allowed at all times.

Want to place an order?  Visit Crystalline Creations here!
Want to plot with Sohalia?  Visit her plot page here!

Rowan Posts: 76
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: 3 Years 4 Months
Brit
#6



At one point, Rowan had mused that her and Sohalia were like twins. One soul split into two bodies. It was ironic then that now she was thinking that maybe Sohalia was reclaiming that lost soul, for she looked so beautiful and strong. So sure of herself, so different from when Rowan had met her so long ago. And here Rowan was, crumbling from the inside out, feeling as if her legs could no longer support her. That she was running for her life and the earth was falling out too fast from beneath her hooves. Sohalia could fly from such things, metaphorically and physically, while Rowan was helpless. A dark evil thought whispered to her that she deserved to sink into that void. That she was nothing but a ghost walking the planes of life anyways. She is a badly patched doll whose seams are popping apart, bringing parts of her with it. Sohalia, somehow bless her soul she must realize this, for Rowan is drawn forward into an embrace that makes her sage lifelessly against her best friend. Tears come, following the flow of her words, staining the perfect ivory of her friend’s coat a darker color with the physical reminders of her emotions. Rowan does not even remember the last time she cried, vaguely wonders if she is so messed up that she never has. The thought is terrifying.

Even when Rowan tries to draw herself away, tries to calm herself, Sohalia follows. In that motion Rowan finds everything she needs. Support, love, the knowledge that Sohalia will not leave her to crumble away. That she is not broken, and somehow her friend sees something not only worth saving, but capable of being saved. Relief floods her so quickly she nearly chokes, and one by one tiny tears fall from her cheeks to vanish among the grasses. Warm, feathered appendage brushed Rowan’s side and pulled her close. It is such a pretty contrast, the alabaster feathers and her own dark cocoa coloring. Blonde curls fall over her face, brush across Sohalia’s wing. Shaking calms but does not stop as soft, comforting words are crooned lovingly into her ear. Her words are strong, and that strength flows into Rowan. The shaking has calmed but she remains weak and pliable, open to whatever Sohalia has to say. Refuting what she says is not an option, for Sohalia’s words are truth to Rowan. In fact she wonders if Sohalia even has the ability to lie. You say that you are impossible to befriend- but if that is so, then how did you become my dearest friend? A sharp mix between a relieved sob and a laugh tears its way brokenly out of her throat. ”I-I’m breaking Soh, and I-I don’t know how to stop it or why it’s happening…a-at least it…it feels like I’m breaking…” Tiny whisper showing how weak, how small she felt. Leaning her cheek against Sohalia’s cream shoulder, tears coating her face in silence. They separate then, only for Sohalia to look deep into her eyes with an understanding face that does not judge her at all. The question makes Rowan’s face crumple with emotion and she nods shortly, feeling her throat choke up. ”We…we hardly see each other anymore, Sohalia…a-and everywhere I look there are people in love, people who have others that love them. Friends that know them, i-inside and out…and I l-look at them and wo-wonder…will I ever have someone like that? Someday you’re g-going to have a mate, and a family, and I will see you less. I don’t want to hang on you forever, Soh…” hiccupping weakly and trying to stop the tears that fell stubbornly. ”I want to be loved, or at least have people actually know my name. I am lonely. So lonely. You’re…you’re all I have…” stressing it desperately, voice turning almost squeaky. She was so, so lonely.



Sohalia the Transcended Posts: 477
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: 10 (ages in Orangemoon) HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Astraeus :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya ChaoticMelodies
#7
Sohalia

Something is falling away inside of me, and for a moment I fear that we are two halves of one whole, with one destined to always feel the other's pain. But would I have it any other way? Of course not. Still, all I can do if hold her close to me as she cries, and the tears streaming down her face bring a lump to my throat. No, I tell myself sternly. You must be strong for her. Slowly, the tears begin to fall more slowly, the shaking begins to subside. Still, I do not lift my wing; if anything, I pull her closer to me, or try to. Proximity seems to make you stronger when you feel weak, or so it always worked for me. I might not have tried it with Phaedra, who was more skittish by nature, but with Rowan? Why, she is practically a part of me, and so I do not hesitate.

"Oh, Row..." my lyrics are a sad whisper, and I press my face into her mane for comfort. Hers or mine, I cannot say. Her fears are all too real, I realize, and for a moment, I am overcome with guilt. Guilt for everything I have that she wants, everything that I cannot simply give her. Guilt for Phae and Levi, guilt for Note, guilt for the babe that rides within me. But I cannot reverse it, would not even if I could. And for that, too, I am guilty. But I will not falter, not now, not when I am so needed. And so I pull my face away, nudge her cheek gently, and speak fervently.

"Now, you listen to me, Rowan: I will not leave you. It doesn't matter if it's just me, or me and a mate and 20 foals, it just... it doesn't matter. You are my best friend, Rowan. You're the first horse I've ever met that made me feel right. You gave me a home. You helped me find a direction. You did that for me. You." I pause, take a deep breath. My voice is laden with emotion, thick with unshed tears. "I am not going anywhere. I'll always be here if you need me. Or even if you don't. I don't care. I'm here. I promise."

"Talk talk talk."
Sohalia
Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried...
Please tag Sohalia in all replies.
Use of force and/or magic (with the exception of death) is allowed at all times.

Want to place an order?  Visit Crystalline Creations here!
Want to plot with Sohalia?  Visit her plot page here!

Rowan Posts: 76
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: 3 Years 4 Months
Brit
#8



Rowan is not used to touch, of any sort. Her mother had disappeared so early, and Feyther was too strict to allow affection. It’s like a shock to the emotional side of her brain, trying to figure out something that is not based on what she knows to be truth. Somehow, in ways she doesn’t understand, it helps. Tucked so close to Sohalia, feeling the warmth of her body, smelling the sweet, calming scent…it helps ground her, gives her momentary thread to stitch herself back together temporarily until she can go over it completely once more. Had any other person tried to embrace her in such a manner, Rowan would have been awkwardly stiff and only handle it for so long. Yet she finds herself leaning on the pillar of support Sohalia has become, not only accepting but welcoming the touch that reminds her that she isn’t alone. That she can hand it over to someone else sometimes, even if only for a few moments. Pressed so close, Rowan can almost believe that their hearts beat in sync. Logical side of mind hisses at her that it is impossible, but for once she does not listen to it. It comforts her to think that she and Sohalia are so similar, so incredibly close despite the strain of time at certain periods in their friendship. Whenever they meet again, it is like nothing has changed. As if no time has gone by, and Rowan realizes then that she may be cursed with loneliness but she had been given the most perfect, fitting best friend that the Gods could have ever gifted her.

Maybe Rowan knew, inside, that they would grow close. The light banter that came so naturally to them the day they met, the trust they put in each other so quickly. Sohalia had trusted Rowan enough in their first meeting to allow her to lead her to the Throat, to a new home. Tone is full of sympathy, sadness. Even so the young woman cannot find herself angry to be almost pitied. It feels nice, in a way, to know that Sohalia cares enough to give off such emotion in her words. She is oblivious to all that has changed in Sohalia’s life, and maybe that is for the best, at least for that moment in time. Rowan would support Sohalia until the day she died, and would rejoice over the fact she had found love and would create a family. But now, when she is so fragile, the knowledge would break her. Cheeks brush against each other and Rowan lifted tired eyes to meet Sohalia’s. Every movement seems like it takes massive amounts of energy, but she will not disobey Sohalia. Weak smile and similar giggle appear at her friend’s words, imagining her with multiple children crowding around. She is surprised by how fitting the image is. Face slowly softens, brightens a little from the depths of sorrow as words touch her ears. She is loved. She is wanted, cherished. Even if only by one person, that is enough for now. Once she has calmed, then they can talk. But for now, in this very moment, it is enough to give Rowan something to hold onto. Suddenly sheepish and shy when Sohalia reminds her of what she has done for the other mare, having not seen it as that big of a deal when she had done it. Apparently it means something to Sohalia, and Rowan feels a little less useless with every word. ”O-Of course I did Soh…I would have, still will, do anything for you…you’re my best friend, the only one who understands me, can deal with me when I’m like…like this,” she chuckled weakly. Dark muzzle extended to bright one, brushing the side of Sohalia’s gently. Eyes closing briefly in her sincerity, taking in the feeling of intimate friendship and understanding she shared with the beautiful woman. ”I will always need you, Soh. Isn’t it obvious, with how I am now? I would be hopeless without you. If I lost you…then I really would be alone. I wouldn’t know what to do.” In fact she feared the day that ever happened, for she may just go insane. Functioning without Sohalia would be like losing a limb, or even two. It would be like losing a twin, or half of herself. It simply wasn’t possible to endure without massive mental trauma.



Sohalia the Transcended Posts: 477
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: 10 (ages in Orangemoon) HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Astraeus :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya ChaoticMelodies
#9
Sohalia

Slowly, she begins to calm, and as I see her tears dry, I begin to relax. I had worried that I would be unable to console her, unable to dry her tears, but it was unnecessary, or so it would seem. She is still shaken, I can see this, but she is recovering. I hope that she will take away from this that I truly am here for her, and that she can expect me to be for as long as I remain in this world. My muzzle brushes mine gently as she tries a weak joke. I smile, nudging her back, reassuring her without words that she really is alright. "I will always need you, Soh. Isn’t it obvious, with how I am now? I would be hopeless without you. If I lost you…then I really would be alone. I wouldn’t know what to do."

Her words ring through my mind, reach to touch my heart. My smile widens as I receive them, my orbs taking on an affectionate softness. "Well, luckily for you, I am in excellent health and plan to be around for a very long time." It is my turn for a joke, but despite my amused tone, I am completely sincere. I can't imagine Rowan not being around. Sure, I haven't seen her much lately, what with falling in love, and making babies (things that I believe I will reserve for the next time I see her, what with her current state), and learning the ropes of the Throat. Perhaps that would be a safe topic? Perhaps, but perhaps not. I am still unsure that she has fully recovered, and until she has, I refuse to move on to a different conversation.

"Talk talk talk."
Sohalia
Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried...
Please tag Sohalia in all replies.
Use of force and/or magic (with the exception of death) is allowed at all times.

Want to place an order?  Visit Crystalline Creations here!
Want to plot with Sohalia?  Visit her plot page here!

Rowan Posts: 76
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: 3 Years 4 Months
Brit
#10



In the tumultuous winds of her own mind, Sohalia is the barrier that curls around her and stops the storm from raging around her. No longer do foreign emotions buffet her, pushing her around and destroying the logic she clung to so fiercely. A friend such as the alabaster dame is one that every soul should have. Friendship is not just a pleasant conversation in another. It is not peaceful existence and similar interests. No, it is far deeper and stronger than that. What others may speak as friendship is not even close to the truth, deviates so far from it in fact that Rowan begins to wonder if they have experienced it at all. A real friend is one who will battle through cutting words and self-hatred to drag you bodily from despair; to shove you into daylight and out of the darkness of your mind. Pain and anger will not slow their stride, and when you have crumpled down after being saved, hating yourself for what you have done to them, they will smile and love you. Say that it was worth it, and not to make them do it again even though you know deep inside that they would do it a thousand times over plus one if your stupid ass did it that many times. Friendship, once struck fully, is impossible to break. Sohalia was that kind of friend to Rowan, and it would always be returned by the younger equine. Sohalia was the physical and metaphorical representation of Rowan’s wings; lifting her out of the snare of her own mind into a place that didn’t wobble beneath her hooves. In return, Rowan would be the grounding presence for the other mare if she so wished for it. If she were to be honest with herself, which she always is and is a reason for her terrible self-esteem, Rowan doesn’t know what Sohalia could possibly take from her. Rowan would give anything to her, and yet was clueless to what the other femme could possibly require. Nevertheless the cocoa fae would be at her side in moments, no matter the time or trouble she could get in. It was strange, almost, how suddenly they had bonded. Yet Sohalia had a new, attractive glow to her that made Rowan sigh sadly inside. All along she had expected this, had sensed that Sohalia had a deeper and stronger side to her that would someday be revealed into an understanding and comfort of herself. Rowan quietly knew, inside, that she wouldn’t really feel that way. But she toiled on, because if Soh believed in her…Row would do her best.

Affection clouds her gaze, smile softening feminine face. If Rowan were pettier, she would be jealous of Sohalia, but loves her too much to do so. Joke is returned playfully, and Rowan lets out a more honest laugh that is clearly relieved. Staggering through the tidal wave of emotions has worn her down, and Sohalia’s familiar teasing is a comfort. Rowan still remembers- damn it of course she does she has a photographic memory, stupid, she curses at herself- how Sohalia and herself had joked over the jealousy of trees and clouds. It was something that lingered in their relationship and comforted the small mare greatly. Shaking herself from her mind for the millionth time, Rowan sent an amused but happy smile towards her friend. ”Enough of emotions, yes? How have you been my friend? It has been far too long,” she laughed softly, already feeling better. Though she’d never before believed that crying actually helped, as many said, getting it out seemed to really lift the load from her shoulders. Hopefully it would remain away from her for another season, for she doubted her stunted emotions could handle that kind of breakdown more than once. Dark sapphire eyes turned to her pale friend, truly interested in what had changed in her life. It seemed Rowan had missed so very much.



Sohalia the Transcended Posts: 477
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: 10 (ages in Orangemoon) HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Astraeus :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya ChaoticMelodies
#11
Sohalia

A gentle breeze drifts across the meadow, and it seems to sway around us. I watch as a brilliant blue butterfly is carried past my nose and, knowing that Rowan is recovering, I allow myself to giggle. I am still worried for her - of course I'm worried for her - but now that we have both relaxed, I can feel my giddiness creeping back in. I wonder if I glow? They always say that you glow when you get pregnant, but how much more could my pelt glow? Or is that not what they mean? I shoo the random thoughts away, cursing the odd pregnancy hormones that seem to be ruling my emotions. At least they did not interfere with my ability to calm Rowan.

And then she asks how I am.

Thoughts jumble again, crowding around, clamoring for my - and her - attention. For a moment, I am overwhelmed, and I think that I begin to understand how Rowan must feel. She is so smart, knows so much - how in the world does she keep it all organized? I quickly press it all back again, Note and our little secret, Phaedra and Levi and their drama, all of it recedes into my memory again. For the first time, I am grateful that I am not showing yet, that I am not that far along in my pregnancy. Really, I can't know anything yet. After all, it hasn't been that long. Or that's what I try to tell myself. Really, I know that I am. I just know.

But if she's feeling so very lonely, would it really be fair to tell her how much I'm not? I smile, laugh a bit at my own hesitation. Of course I will tell her. But I will wait until I am sure. A small tinge of guilt colors my thoughts, but this, too, I push away. "I have been well, but I'm much better here, catching up with you," I tell her playfully. "I'm settling into the Throat well, I think. I've met a few of them. I found Cassiopeia, and I will be starting to train as a scholar," I add with a smile.

Perhaps in a more boastful mare, it would have been said with a certain amount of pride, but I am not out to impress anyone. "I've also met Levi. He's nice, very... eager." I chuckle, remember how insistent he was about his feelings for Phaedra. And then I stop, remembering that she does not return his feelings. "And Note." I try very hard to be as nonchalant as possible, but I can feel a blush mantling my cheeks, and I glance down shyly. Even saying his name is giving me butterflies right now. Stupid hormones.

[OOC | I'm so sorry I forgot about this ;_;]

"Talk talk talk."
Sohalia
Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried...
Please tag Sohalia in all replies.
Use of force and/or magic (with the exception of death) is allowed at all times.

Want to place an order?  Visit Crystalline Creations here!
Want to plot with Sohalia?  Visit her plot page here!

Rowan Posts: 76
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: 3 Years 4 Months
Brit
#12



Question inspires a sort of panic that Rowan detects quickly, and again with the confusion. Emotions confuse her, and distress her even further. She doesn’t understand what she could have possibly said to make Sohalia suddenly scramble for an answer. Surely it is not that hard or intrusive of a question to answer? But what does Rowan know? Deciphering social norms and interactions isn’t something she normally busies herself with, but this past half season she has found herself doing just that. Maybe it is a deeper desire to finally belong, to be normal, but she feels defeated to see Sohalia suddenly unable to answer her. It is not permanent of course, and she does speak with time.

Her smile and laugh is usually comforting, but now it just feels like Sohalia is hiding something from her, and Rowan feels like her heart is slowing in its rhythm, protesting the weight pressing into it. Emotions are pesky things. Brief upturn of lips follows her words, for Rowan does agree on that point. It is nice to catch up with her best friend, but the feeling of having the- what was the expression again- the wool drawn over her eyes? Yes, she believes that is correct- keeps her from fully enjoying it. The idea of Cassiopeia teaching them both is exhilarating, and she ignores the twinge in her chest. Self-doubt and low self-esteem are always creeping on her, buddies that follow her around just like the other two. But no, she will not let Sohalia’s happiness be ruined by her own inadequacy.

Even humble tone does not keep Rowan from retreating a part of her mind into the place she locked herself into to torture herself with her own self-hatred. In essence she is there, but approximately half of her is functioning. It is enough. It is always enough. Nobody ever notices, why would they care Rowan? Rowan internally shook the thought away. No, she didn’t even deserve to be depressed. However she is given her clue when she speaks. ”And Note.” Ah, yes…she knew that tone. It was not one she ever spoke with, nor had she experienced it herself, but Sohalia cannot hide from her perceptiveness. Loneliness claws at her ribcage but she smiles happily for her friend. ”I know that tone, friend. How do you feel about this Note, and why have I only just now heard of him?” Keeping herself happy instead of focusing on her own loneliness. It was not fair to taint Sohalia’s happiness with her own problems, especially because she really was happy for the alabaster mare.



Sohalia the Transcended Posts: 477
Outcast atk: 4 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: 10 (ages in Orangemoon) HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Astraeus :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya ChaoticMelodies
#13
Sohalia

I do not want to go into excruciating detail about my love life, not when I know how lonely Rowan is feeling. I do not want to push her over the brink, to make her feel as though she is losing her place in my heart. No, that cannot happen, for she is like the sister that I never had. I had a half-sister once, but my memories of her are in spurts, echoes of a once-known youth. I had grown closer to Rowan than I had ever been to any of my family, if only because they were stolen from me. No one could take her place in my heart, and I longed to make her see though, for I worried that by admitting my feelings for Note, revealing the secret that was my pregnancy, she would become withdrawn, that she would separate herself from me. And I would not have it.

But still, did I not owe it to my best friend to allow her to be the first to hear my news? After all, I hadn't told a soul yet, for it is too early to truly tell... but I know. I cannot say how I know, how I am so sure, but I am, and I long to tell her. It's her right to be the first to know, the first even before my love, is it not? She was the first in this land to ever make me feel truly welcome. She will be the foal's godmother, I decide suddenly, and I suddenly have a direction to take the conversation. Though I am still worried, I am sure that she will feel more loved with such a role, something that I had not yet considered but has come so easily to mind that it has almost been a given the entire time.

I smile shyly, meeting her gaze with bi-colored orbs, one a light blue, the other sea green. "Well, actually... I feel quite strongly for him," I admit. "I think I love him." It is odd to say aloud, though I know it to be true. "In fact, I... I think I'm pregnant." My eyes bore into hers, trying to hold her gaze, to invite her to share in my happiness. "And if I'm right... I'd be honored to have you as the foal's godmother." I nudge her shoulder gently, the familiar scent a comfort to me. I hope that she will take the news well.

"Talk talk talk."
Sohalia
Don't wanna leave this life knowing I barely tried...
Please tag Sohalia in all replies.
Use of force and/or magic (with the exception of death) is allowed at all times.

Want to place an order?  Visit Crystalline Creations here!
Want to plot with Sohalia?  Visit her plot page here!

Rowan Posts: 76
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: 3 Years 4 Months
Brit
#14



Hesitant. She is hesitant to tell Rowan what is on her mind. Rowan is not offended, knowing that emotions are for more intricate than she can ever understand. She has stopped trying to figure them out for quite a long time. So instead she patiently waited for it to work itself out, knowing that Sohalia's expressive face would give her away should the emotions become strong enough for Rowan to intervene. Though the woman severely doubted she was as good at comforting as Sohalia, she would do her best for the woman she considered her sister.

Again she smiles, but it is shy and almost coy. Rowan waited with a slightly confused smile, her walls destroyed with the cry she had and showing how lost she was with all the emotions Sohalia wore on her face. The admission of love made Rowan smile brightly, extremely happy for her friend. Sadness gnawed at the back of her brain but she kicked it away fiercely. No. She was not going to ruin Sohalia's happiness just because she was lonely. "That is amazing, I am very happy for you Sohalia," she said sincerely, sapphire eyes warm. However the news of pregnancy made them go comically wide with surprise, and then further with delight. Bouncing on her toes with a shocked but happy smile. "Pregnant? Oh Sohalia, that is...oh gods I can't believe it! That's great!" A bit dizzy from the announcement, imagining how beautiful her children would be. And then bam! She was blindsided once again! Damn, Sohalia was going to give her a heart attack before she ever got to meet the little tike. Eyes went owlish and Rowan froze in shock, mouth falling open a bit. The touch to her shoulder was eventually what jolted her out of her stupor and she stumbled all over her reply. "O-Of course! Soh I would be honored! Thank...thank you," she breathed, returning the touch against Sohalia's pale neck. Clearly stunned and overjoyed with the prospect of being a godmother.

[[You can decide whether or not to reply again but I really want Rowan to meet Sohalia and the foal <3 if you want to make a thread or I can jump into one? If that's okay!]]
Think?




Forum Jump:


RPGfix Equi-venture