the Rift


ITS ON! [d'Art Challenge]

Aaron Posts: 260
World's Edge Protector atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 15.3 hh :: 6 Years HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Alanna :: Common Hellhound :: Energy Drain Emily
#1


The surprise attack the Edge had tried to pull had not worked. In fact it was as if the herd gave up before the fight began. Sure Kiara and Lace had made moves to try, as had a golden pegasus he could only assume was from Dragon's Throat. But point is none had made a difference and they had still ended up empty handed. Well now it was Aaron's time to prove why he had been named a skilled protector. Strong and heavy built painted frame moved boldly back into the Basin. He did not stop on the edge like a scared child. No. Instead he moved with intent. He was bringing his mother home, one way or another.

However the young warrior soon noticed that he could not find his mother, and instead stopped to draw attention to himself. "To the one who holds my mother captive. Come show me what your made of!" He reared up screaming to the heavens. That glass horned blood bastard had once chance to show himself, before Aaron started attacking any and all in sight.



ooc - aaron's challenging for solstice's freedom. 800 words max with 4 posts each and a defense. Magic allowed. You can attack first :)



ADMIN EDIT: added name of character being challenged.

EDIT: Added judge prefix

In Nomine Patris Et Filii
Et Spiritus Sancti

Please Tag Aaron in All Posts
Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Aaron at any time for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing him.


d'Artagnan the Nightshade Posts: 364
Aurora Basin General atk: 6 | def: 9 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17hh :: 12 HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Aramis :: Common Hellhound :: Hellfire & Superspeed imi
#2
[Image: arttablekrazieart.png]

d'Artagnan



The Time Mender slithered his way across the frosted ground, a menace in the shadows patrolling his precious homeland. Intruders must state a reason for their presence or be killed on site for their ignorance. The latter the shade much preferred, much swifter and less talking. His gilded captive, a pitiful being he had taken from a land that rightfully belonged to them, must be kept within the confines of the Basin. At least, until Psyche gave the order to set her free, as much as it pained him, the bareheaded bitch would be kept alive. So it was with simmering anger and growing arrogance that d'Artagnan presented himself before Aaron, Solstice's loud mouthed son. Always watching with amusement filling his dual pools, eyeing the boy who was many years his junior.

"Foolish child. You will die here and your mother will forever be mine" emphasizing the last word, each action and speech a taunt. Muscles surged, his twin swords lowered with hooves slamming into the hard permafrost surface and murderous eyes showing him the way. The way to the stocky splashed Aaron, horns aimed straight for his chest with body forming a powerful battering ram. If the blood steed was successful, his transparent weapons would slice the child's chest before his huge towering body powered into the Protector's for good measure.

Just before his attack locked on, there was a strange sensation of déjà vu as he flew into the heat of battle, an ancient memory of a great many years ago. One stallion had stood before him, challenging him to a dual, the shade had lost that fight and much more. That day he lost his dignity and the right to live amongst his comrades, exiled to Helovia. In Aaron he saw that stallion, laughing at his demise. Teeth grit in determination, d'Artagnan let his anger do the talking with thoughts flicking through images of broken limbs. His victim's life taken from him with the red Doctor, he had foolishly challenged, standing victorious. It was a wonderful scene and he was determined to make it a reality.

Lately it seemed those around him didn't quite fear him the way he wanted them to. The time had finally come to change that, d'Artagnan the Nightshade would be feared and no one would dare confront him like this again. Not this time, no. I will not loose was the thought that echoed through his mind. A constant incentive not to give up, and if for anyone else, for Kou. So she didn't have to live in shame at his incompetence. Like so many years ago, a reputation so painstakingly built after falling so low, was now on the line.

[w/c :: 449 | 1/4
ooc commentary :: d'Artagnan charges straight for Aaron, aiming his horns towards his chest and hopefully barging into him after.]

[Image: arttablekrazie.png]
painting by krazie

my heart’s an endless winter
              filled with rage

Use force at your own peril ;) please tag me!

Aaron Posts: 260
World's Edge Protector atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 15.3 hh :: 6 Years HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Alanna :: Common Hellhound :: Energy Drain Emily
#3


Like clock work the call was answered. Just as the young warrior assumed the blood bay bastard refued to let his mother go. With a snort his normally chocolate brown eyes darkened to pitch black. They alone were the only sign the warrior was angry. Mentally, the knight was focused. He had a reason to fight, the most important reason he had ever had. Muscles tensed, ready to leap into battle but allowing the horned brute to make the first move. The unicorn was arrogant, and it was that the painted stallion intended on using.

He merely watched as the glass horned freak lowered his head and charged forward taking aim at his chest. As he watched Aaron could only think of the fight for World's Edge, when the leader of the herd had taken aim straight at him first. He had waited then to, using his magic to attack instead. This time he would use his body. Moments before impact the knight jumped to the right, narrowly avoiding the horns to his chest. Instead they scrapped along his left side, leaving a light trail of crimson fluid in their wake. The bay's frame slammed hard against Aaron's now tender left side as he tried to use his smaller frame as a battering ram. Aaron gasped slightly, feeling the air knocked out of him for only a moment.

His mind quickly focused and was set on one thing and one thing only, bringing his mother home. He knew with his call she had to be close by. She would know what he was facing. As he jumped to the right his mind raced ahead planning his next move. Did he charge in and use his body as a battering ram? Or did he bite at his opponent's flank? He choose the latter after all and turned back to the left, ears laced flat against his skull to ram into the bastard's side or back. Aaron did not care where as long as he made contact.


"talk"



[word count - 335
actions - jumped to the right, d'art's horns scraping along his left side as a result and takes the blow of d'art's body against his own. turns on around to come at d'art from his side or back
edited to correct table error and word count error]

In Nomine Patris Et Filii
Et Spiritus Sancti

Please Tag Aaron in All Posts
Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Aaron at any time for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing him.


d'Artagnan the Nightshade Posts: 364
Aurora Basin General atk: 6 | def: 9 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17hh :: 12 HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Aramis :: Common Hellhound :: Hellfire & Superspeed imi
#4
[Image: arttablekrazieart.png]

d'Artagnan

The boy was quick for one so short and stumpy, his dodge efficient but not good enough to miss the blow completely. Fur and flesh gave way to the shade's twin horns, a lashing of blood crowning them but not satisfying them. d'Artagnan grunted as his body met the bulk of Aaron's, the impact vibrating through his shoulder making him peel back his lips. Rows of white teeth shining maliciously, almost like a smile. The cold permafrost against his split hooves a stark contrast to the heat pumping through his body. Lips smack back together as velocity carries him forwards, horns making their way back up from their lowered position. Dual coloured eyes aflame as his mind went through the motions of burning madness.

It was then that the presence of Aaron quickly returned, a flash of searing white and a well muscled body flying dangerously towards him. Speed, d'Artagnan felt, was on his side. With a skid into the frosty surface, the Nightshade arched his back and flicked his rump skywards, two dark cloven hooves aimed straight for the paint's barrel or rear. His eyes almost mocking in their ferocity as he found himself questioning whether these pathetic attacks were all the child could manage. With no marvellous horn, he was a rather useless little worm who had raised his bald head in the face of a lion. Such insignificant and unsatisfactory prey.

The battle moved on, when his feet had finally succumbed to gravity and touched the floor, d'Artagnan moved out to the right. Taking a few seconds to perform the tightest turn his huge, lithely muscled, body would allow to take the fight back to Aaron. Using his sheer height to his advantage, the shade leaned back on his heels and threw his front into the air to form a powerful rear. Lashing out in defiance and hoping the Edge's painted warrior would succumb under the barrage of his cloven hooves, that his bold rear had been timed well enough to claim his target. A shrill scream scorched through the maw of the Time Mender. For the plague, for Kou, for his family and for himself. Since coming to Helovia, the shade had found many new reasons to fight and more incentive to follow his old ideals.

As he fell back to the floor he remembered the faces of his father and mother. Ashamed and angered, their son was nothing but a failure. It was a deep emotional pain that gave d'Artagnan his madness, he had been just a child, left in a dark lonely world.

[w/c :: 429 | 2/4
ooc commentary :: d'Artagnan defends himself against Aaron's attack by bucking. He then takes a few seconds to turn and face Aaron once more, rearing in offence.]

[Image: arttablekrazie.png]
painting by krazie

my heart’s an endless winter
              filled with rage

Use force at your own peril ;) please tag me!

Aaron Posts: 260
World's Edge Protector atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 15.3 hh :: 6 Years HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Alanna :: Common Hellhound :: Energy Drain Emily
#5


The sting of the twin gashes along his side, the feeling of blood trailing down his ivory fur.. This was not a feeling the young warrior was used to. However inside his anger burned deep. How could this bastard keep a mother away from her young just because she did not bare a horn upon her head? How could he try to take away the only family the young knight had left... Sure Azale was his sister, but that did nothing to replace the loss of a parent. The blood bay knew nothing of that, of having that sick feeling in the bottom of your belly that your beloved father would not be joining you in a new home. That he would in fact be among those, including his grand-dam, rotting in Isilme. No, Aaron would not allow Azale to grow up without a parent like he had. She already did not know her father, he would not let the Time Mender take her mother too. Then of course there was Kamien, the colt his mother had adopted. The child had lost both parents, and he would not allow him to lose another.

As he charged in at the Time Mender, the bay turned his rump to him instead skidding to a halt. By the time Aaron knew what the bay had planned it was to late. He dug his hooves into the frosty ground but to no avail. Here his battering ram like frame cost him as the hind hooves connected with the draft's chest. The air was forced from his lungs, and for a moment it was hard for the draft to breathe. As his breath returned to him it gave the blood bay bastard time to move and turn back around to face him. The bay lifted himself into the air, front hooves striking out at the painted. Aaron merely smiled at first, slamming his hoof into the ground blow. The ground below the fighting pair begin to tremble lightly, hopefully enough to rattle the balance of the older stallion. It was with this hope that Aaron raised himself to his hind quarters, striking out with his front hooves seeking out any part of the bay he could reach.

Aaron would not let his herd down. He would not let his mother down. But above all else, the painted stallion was not going to let Azale and Kamien lose another parent. They needed her. He was not going to fail them now and leave them to face the world without a mother.


"talk"



[word count - 425
actions -took the buck to the chest and had the wind knocked out of him, stood still as d'art turned around to catch his breath. stomped the ground using his rank magic of WAR STOMP to lightly shake the ground to hopefully unbalance d'art as he struck out. Aaron then raises to his hind legs to strike out at d'art
Magic Use - 1/2]

In Nomine Patris Et Filii
Et Spiritus Sancti

Please Tag Aaron in All Posts
Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Aaron at any time for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing him.


d'Artagnan the Nightshade Posts: 364
Aurora Basin General atk: 6 | def: 9 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17hh :: 12 HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Aramis :: Common Hellhound :: Hellfire & Superspeed imi
#6
[Image: arttablekrazieart.png]

d'Artagnan

The stallion smiled and stomped his foot. For a split second d'Artagnan thought he had caught the paint in a moment of arrogance and that his life would end there. That was until, his trust in nature was shattered.

Hooves flicked and the ground shook. A surface once so dependable became his worse enemy, the rear end support crumbled and the blood bay stumbled backwards. His balance severed in what seemed like; an earthquake? Pupils dilated as d'Artagnan feared the ground below, like the earth itself had decided to rise up and play it's part against him. This couldn't possibly be because of that fat bare head?! Fumbling, all fours were now on the shaking surface and the Time Mender stumbled around, in effort to regain his balance without losing it all together. It was in his fear of the ground that d'Artagnan lost all sense of bearings and saw Aaron's attack at the last minute. Fore hooves came with vengeance and the shade's attempt to turn away was far too late, instead the Protector found his prize. Feet of a heavy horse hitting into the left of his shoulder forcing a short squeal to escape his angered maw, he fell over himself shirking away from Aaron and his dangerous hooves. A dull pain taking up unwelcome residence in his shoulder, not broken but bruised and battered. He took in deep breaths as he attempted to adjust to the pain.

Puffing and annoyed, he snorted with exertion, a lather of sweat collecting on his neck, his movement marred with a limp of pain. Bastard, go home he threw inwardly at the baby fighter. Who was a lot more experienced in the game of battle than the shade had first thought. His next move would be important, he couldn't afford to misjudge the paint again. d'Artagnan sent a worried look to the ground, would it shake once more? Was he safe? His legs felt a little like jelly, what if it simply opened up and swallowed him whole? The Nightshade shuddered and discarded the thought, fears only clouded the mind on the battlefield. This short arse needed to be taught a lesson.

d'Artagnan prowled to his right, still close to Aaron, eyes of maddening colours always on the boy and body dipped with injury. He had to resist the urge to stop and shower the burning pain with slushy cold snow. Instead he kept his focus. It was a strange thing to fight someone of Aaron's physical stature, he was used to sparring with Kou. A flighty, skinny arabian. If he was being honest, he was struggling to adjust to being the faster sleeker one for a change. Annoyance crept into his gaze, Aaron seemed to be gaining in confidence. Something was driving him on. Tenacious bastard.

A flick of his tail signalled his retaliation, he went in with his right unharmed shoulder and aimed a harsh ripping bite for Aaron's left ear. Again, trying to make use of his height to out manoeuvre the bulky steed before him. Horns ever present just in case Aaron made a wrong move in their direction. Hooves left the ground ever so slightly as his head gained height, leaning into his challenger, eyes wincing at the sharper movement. The fight had reached it's most extreme and d'Artagnan was blowing more than he was at the start. Age was definitely something his opponent had over him.

[w/c :: 571 | 3/4
ooc commentary :: d'Artagnan succumbs to Aaron's War Stomp and backs out of his rear. Frightened by the ground Aaron's attack is successful in hitting and injuring d'Art's left shoulder. Stumbling back once more, d'Artagnan moves to his right, still fairly close to Aaron, and attacks by attempting to bite his left ear whilst leaning into him.]

[Image: arttablekrazie.png]
painting by krazie

my heart’s an endless winter
              filled with rage

Use force at your own peril ;) please tag me!

Aaron Posts: 260
World's Edge Protector atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 15.3 hh :: 6 Years HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Alanna :: Common Hellhound :: Energy Drain Emily
#7


The paint smiled even more if that was possible, watching the Time Mender stumble back as the effects of his War Stomp and attack with his front hooves. He landed, brown eyes never leaving the blood bay's frame. His body was aching from each attack, his shoulder and side stinging from the dual cuts that went down the side of his frame. The blood was starting to dry, leaving a trail down his ivory pelt. Inside he thought for a moment before growling "Give up yet?" Clearly his answer was a no as the Time Mender moved forward again.

The paint had to depend on his limited experience to guess what was going to happen next. Thankfully he had fought in the invasion and learned how to expect attacks all around. His spar with his herd mate Lace had also come in handy teaching him to move faster and expect the unexpected. The paint lunged forward as the bay leaned towards him trying to bite his left ear. Instead the teeth pinched hard into the tender skin of his left side. As Aaron kept moving forward he could feel the fur ripped out of his skin, the skin under turning red and extremely tender. The draft pushed himself to turn around quickly, expecting that D'Artagnan would do the same. His eyes focused on the unicorn, an almost evil look settling into his eyes. From within he focused his magic, waiting the bay to feel like he was of fire. His hatred for the bastard that held his mother captive building more and more by the minute. He was going to bring his mother home, and he was going to bring her home today.



[word count - 283
actions - smiles even more as the war stomp works and his follow up all his d'arts shoulder. asks him if he gives up but takes d'art moving forward again as a no. avoids taking the bite to his ear, instead taking it on his side ripping fur out. He turns around and focuses on d'art using his fire magic to make d'art feel as if he was on fire.
Magic Use - 2/2]

In Nomine Patris Et Filii
Et Spiritus Sancti

Please Tag Aaron in All Posts
Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Aaron at any time for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing him.


d'Artagnan the Nightshade Posts: 364
Aurora Basin General atk: 6 | def: 9 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17hh :: 12 HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Aramis :: Common Hellhound :: Hellfire & Superspeed imi
#8
[Image: arttablekrazieart.png]

d'Artagnan

d'Artagnan cursed as his lunge to bite his opponent's white ear missed it's target and instead simply shaved off some hair, the boy was quick on his feet and in thinking. Blood coloured ears flicker backwards in anger as he made a dash away from Aaron, realizing the momentum he had been carrying had left him wide open for attack. So it was a surprise when the Nightshade turned back to see the oncoming attack that, in fact, there wasn't one. Apart from an intense concentration on his foe's face. He grimaced a smile what, is he trying to stare me to death. The smile turned into a chuckle as he surmised that the draft was simply all bark and no bite. Although that ground shake was certainly something, maybe he'd run out of stamina. Hard to believe, with a body so muscled as his. It was when d'Artagnan was slowly letting his guard down it came.

Searing, burning it raged on through his body. Fire! It burned but it didn't. The Nightshade screamed in agony and began to back up. His instincts were in a mess, the thought of fire told him to flee, yet the flames themselves didn't burn. This was worse than the ground shaking, he would of preferred the shaking ground over this! His body lurched with the sick feeling pain brought, his head held high and away from the flames. Eyes showing their whites. The Nightshade's sanity snapped and forward his legs took him, anything to get him away from the flames. Away from the pain. With a flurry of hooves he turned his rear to the flames defensively. Flicking up his rump now as he galloped. His ears flickered between the fire and Aaron, a wildness about his pace.

Spurred on by necessity to get away, the shade collected himself and attempted smashing into Aaron's left side at a gallop. His rump flicking up again with no real aim to it, face no longer contorted with anger and instead a fear of a horse against fire. There was no real coherency to his thoughts and actions. d'Artagnan had never faced fire, he was a clan war veteran and well versed in the minds of warrior tactics. This however he was not. Magic was rare where he came from. Ironically, Seiren would have been a better match for his arrogant child who used his demon talent to trap him.

The fire in his body raged on and d'Artagnan slowed to a halt now positioned behind Aaron. Hurting and recoiling within himself, is this ever going to end?

Has this child... This boy... Defeated me?

Teeth grit at the angered thought but his huddled stance remained.

[w/c :: 452 | 4/4
ooc commentary :: d'Artagnan looses himself within Aaron's fire attack and screams out in pain. Hurtling at a gallop in attempt to escape it, d'Artagnan barges himself into Aaron and throws in a random buck. Carrying his momentum forward to now be positioned a few yards away from Aaron, withdrawing within himself in pain.]

[Image: arttablekrazie.png]
painting by krazie

my heart’s an endless winter
              filled with rage

Use force at your own peril ;) please tag me!

Aaron Posts: 260
World's Edge Protector atk: 4.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 15.3 hh :: 6 Years HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Alanna :: Common Hellhound :: Energy Drain Emily
#9



As D'Artagnan came towards him, the paint could tell that his magic was working. The blood bay was running wildly at him and the draft knew he needed to react quickly. He waited almost to late as it was to lunge forward again, digging his hooves into the ground below to kick off. He came so close to the stallion that he could feel the rush of air as his mother's captor zoomed passed. His side seemed to sting worse in protest at how close he had been to taking another hit on his left. It was clear that Aaron had caught him off guard with his hidden magic. This fact only made the young knight more arrogant and foolish. Growing up around magic all his life Aaron knew to expect the unexpected when it came to hidden talents. his fight had proved he needed to practice more on his speed and agility as his muscles were now screaming in protest of moving. After healing he would seek out Madryn and Maskan again, maybe even Archibald to learn how to move faster.

For now he was focused on the task at hand. Ears flickered around hearing the sleeker one's hooves slow as if he was stopping. Aaron circled around to his right, eyes black once more as he sought to crush the one who had dared to try and harm his family. His legs seemed to stretch out more, his body becoming like a freight train on a collision course with D'Artanan's frame. He came at him from the right side, hooves kicking up dirt behind him. "Should of given up while you were ahead and let her go!" He screamed in pure rage, drawing closer and almost waiting for the collision of the pair. Sure he had not thought about the after effects, just the fact he wanted his mother free and he wanted her free NOW!



[word count - 318
actions - lunges out of hte way of D'arts charge, but only narrowly. turns to his right an circles around when D'art stops and charges him while the bay is standing still. effects from the fire magic should be ending if not over
Magic Use - 2/2]

In Nomine Patris Et Filii
Et Spiritus Sancti

Please Tag Aaron in All Posts
Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Aaron at any time for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing him.


d'Artagnan the Nightshade Posts: 364
Aurora Basin General atk: 6 | def: 9 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17hh :: 12 HP: 68.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Aramis :: Common Hellhound :: Hellfire & Superspeed imi
#10
[Image: arttablekrazieart.png]

d'Artagnan

The seconds ticked by and for what felt like eternity he burned until, finally, it stopped. His body that was tensed in pain felt relief flood through it and d'Artagnan made a shaky sigh. There were no burns on his body, no blood, just a dull ache in his shoulder from when Aaron had smacked him. For a split second, everything seemed quiet and peaceful, no searing flame spreading through his body. He was okay! He wasn't dying. It was a moment of joy short lived as the thunder of hooves finally registered in his mind, dual eyes narrowed as he turned to see the painted warrior charging straight for him. In a quick fire decision, d'Artagnan bolted from the spot he had been stood and made a dart to the side to dodge the attack of Aaron. As he did so, he felt the rush of the bare head's body on the side of his, barely the connection was made but it was enough to send the shade scampering sideways at the contact. Wincing as his shoulder screamed in protest, just like Aaron screamed like a wet newborn.

The momentum he was carrying finally came to a halt and the sides of the blood bay heaved in weariness, nostrils flaring as he went after more air. Sweat collecting in his pits, on his neck and between his legs. A trail of steam following him wherever he went. The battle must now be over. There wasn't much left either of them could throw at each other, it was just a question of who would crumble first. "Too rash boy." He puffed out in his gruff tones. "For the right price your mother will be returned, but if you've got the strength left. Go take her" a smile of malice sat pretty on his features then. To decide whether the battle was won would decide on whether he had successfully deterred Aaron. Tail flicking from side to side, swatting the flies that had come to feast on his sticky body.

The day was growing long and d'Artagnan looked up at the retreating light, the battle was over and he no longer had a reason to linger. He hadn't been disgraced at least, and he wasn't dead. With a heave of his sooty legs, the Nightshade began to walk away from his foe, eyes searching for the pool that never froze. Throat parched, his gait had a limp to it and he dipped when he walked. He'd patch it up later, for now he was too tired to use his time magic on something so trivial.

[w/c :: 434 || Defence Post
ooc commentary :: d'Artagnan dodges Aaron's charge by darting out to the side, barely missing him and being pushed sideways by the minimal contact. He then says a few words and leaves the battlefield with a limp]

[Image: arttablekrazie.png]
painting by krazie

my heart’s an endless winter
              filled with rage

Use force at your own peril ;) please tag me!

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#11




d ‘ A r t a g n a n | A a r o n
- - - - -
By my verdict D’ARTAGNAN is the winner.

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: horns to chest
+ 1| Attack: ram

[Prose]
+ 2| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AARON -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Experience: Mauja fight
+ 1| Defense: horn to side
- 1| Injury: a red line is not much description of being gouged by horns, how painful was it, how severe?
+ 1| Defense: winded by strike
- 1| Attack: rams at d’Art’s left side – it seems you mean to do this while d’Art is still passing you from his ram? But there wouldn’t have been time for this and you make nothing to say you chased after him to accomplish this.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: you do not say if aaron’s attack lands or not. Even if you use an attack as a counter, you need to be clear how the other’s attack pans out still.
+ 1| Attack: buck
+ 1| Attack: read

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AARON -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: buck to chest
- 1| Injury: no description of the injury from the buck, something that powerful would do more than wind you.
+ 1| Defense: you do not say if d’Art’s rear lands or not. Regardless if you counter with an attack, you must describe how your opponent’s attack pans out.
+ 1| Attack: war stomp
+ 1| Attack: rear

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: unbalanced by war stomp
+ 1| Defense: shoulder takes rear
+ 1| Attack: ear bite

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AARON -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: mentioning in detail the horn wound
+ 1| Experience: Lace fight
- 1| Defense: bitten on side – if he was aiming at your ear, very tall and even saying his feet lifted some off the ground, not sure how he could hit your side instead and not sure how a large draft would be faster.
0| Attack: fire illusion magic – there was hardly any description to this

[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 4

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: running around like a maniac
+ 1| Attack: ram at Aaron’s left side
+ 1| Attack: random buck

[Prose]
+ 2| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AARON -- post 4

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: avoids the ram – if you waited until last second and d’Art is galloping, he would have hit something
- 1| Defense: no mention of the buck?
+ 1| Attack: ram at d’Art’s right side

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

D’ARTAGNAN -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: glancing ram
+ 1| Injury: injured shoulder mention


D’ARTAGNAN

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed
+ 1| Surroundings
+ 1| Health

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| I really enjoyed your reaction to the war stomp
+ 1| Love your use of age affecting d’Art, especially in the third post.

Comments: I really don’t have much to say, you had lovely writing and very fair and balanced reactions with attacks and defenses, fantastic!

AARON

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You have a good handle on how horses fight, as you had good defenses and attacks, although sometimes your timing and ideas on speed with the breeds seemed a bit off. Overall the largest impact on your posts was lack of detail. You seemed to use only the minimal effort to write your posts which impacted your prose, particularly emotion, as well as some of your realism. Attacks that may have been viable were marked down, or injuries marked down, simply due to lack of explaining them better. Remember to really take the time when fighting as it does pay off :)

TOTAL
D’ARTAGNAN - 81
AARON - 66


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


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RPGfix Equi-venture