the Rift


[Judge] Time to test skills [Kri]

Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#1

BlackVeilBrides
~ RAWRRR


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Ok Aisha time to test your skills. She stood in the heat of the sand,gritting her teeth, occasionally flicking her tail,kicking up some sand as the swish or her tail made grains of the golden substance fly up,landing with barely a sound. He position was not laid back either,waiting for the beat of wings above you from any direction from the leader your barely talk to is hardly a relaxing feeling.


She lifted her head up,looking at the sky. White clusters of white fluff hung around,not moving as the wind was still. So still. Boundless stretches of sand snaked out,sprawling in all directions. It was then she remembered her first battle in Helovia. How she had be shamed by some stallion. It made her want to be sick. How had she,Aisha,who had beaten many stallions older then herself fail in the presence of one younger then herself? She cursed herself brutally but to giver herself some slack she knew it had been her first fight in years. She expected herself to be a little rusty.


Anyway,that was why she was here,waiting for Kri. To improve her skills to a greater level. To become better at fighting,her one passion in life.Pricking her ears she turned on her heels,calling out. "Kri will you not show yourself? To scared?" A kind smile crept on her face and she looked around for Kri,hoping her humor would not come across in the wrong way. She laughed,shaking her head down before throwing it up,not wanting to drop her guard in case Kri decided to sneak up on her.

WC:279

OOC: 2 posts each (first to attack gets closing post,guessing that will be you) 800 words max. Hope you don't mind it being like Aisha and Kri decided on the spar to teach Aisha more skills:P



"blah blah blah."




Kri the Resolute Posts: 243
Hidden Account
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3hh :: 10 Buff: NUMB
Boom Boom!
#2

KRI the resolute
one cannot stop the wind from blowing, nor refuse the falling rain.


The whisper of wind wails through the Dragon's Throat, a natural sound, unassuming and free of suspicion. The sound of rolling sand, the grains rolling over red rock, swirling upon the ground and forming small clouds. There are all a warning, or at least should have been when dealing with me, who is always accompanied by the peaceful element. The wind carries me even now, my wings unfurled, sailing on the hot desert air, growing ever more warm as the season moved on, rolling toward the heat of summer. Feathers whistle quietly as I drop, descending down toward the earth as I hear the girl call to me. It is laced with humor, and I would have it returned. "I have no reason to fear an unskilled warrior," mirth rides on each syllable, crowning each word with a near laugh.

Then, the whip of air as my wings catch my weight, muscular form dangling in the sky not far from her, legs bent to avoid flailing hooves from scraping the delicate skin of the unicorn. I believed in training, it was true, but I was not one to injure those of my herd who would duel with me. There was enough blood shed in the battles for which we prepared. I would not spill the precious crimson life of my friends and allies. I would not drain their strength to bolster my own confidence. To drain the energy of your family was to drain the very resources from which your own sprang from, leading toward self-destruction. I had no vicious attacks for Aisha today, only friendly reminders that each nip and nudge from me would have been an attack from a foe.

Instead of kicking from above, I glide toward her right side, hovering with my body intended to be slightly above her with wings given space to rest without clamoring against her side. I tilt my right wing downward to gently brush the dust upon the ground, pushing my bent limbs toward her barrel and shoulder, a shove of sorts intended. My mouth opens, snapping jaws after her head to prevent a scrape from the noble horn upon her head. It was tricky fighting unicorns, who could so easily gut you. This would not happen with Aisha, but I have faced such foes more times than I would care to admit.

I right my body in the air after, quickly loosing altitude until I am skidding with hooves across the ground. I could fly if need be, but Aisha could not. What fun is a spar if you cannot reach your opponent hiding in the skies? None at all, I would think.
""

[ WC: 466; 1/2; 0/2 magic ]




[ OOC commentary; I wasn't sure if you just wanted an IC training spar or an OOC one. This one would be short anyway, so if you don't want comments or critiques just let me know and I'll shut my blabby mouth. xP

OKAYSO. Kri is basically up in the sky and glides down, falling in on the RIGHT side of Aisha. Try to keep which side is which in mind, and make sure you mention which side you are attacking for the judge. If you need to make a vague aim, be sure to note why it is being made vague. The judge will count off if you do not say where you are aiming. Anyway, Kri basically tips at an angle and tries to lightly shove Aisha with her bent legs, as well as snapping at her face to avoid horn attacks. After that, she straightens and glides down to the dirt, landing and is basically standing a few feet from where Aisha was originally.

Tips on how to proceed from here....
Just think about how horses would normally fight. Try to make your attacks as realistic as possible. Since this is not an aerial fight, you are more restrained to normal actions. Horses bite at the ears/neck/face a lot. They are not likely to rear entirely, as they are very badly balanced during a rear. Watch some videos of horse fights to get an idea of what they would do.
Try to keep a vision of the fight in your mind, even sketch it out if you have to. Keep in mind timing during your fight. How long would it take to buck? Rear? Is this attack plausible given the time frame you have? ]

Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#3

BlackVeilBrides
~ RAWRRR


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The shadow of the Pegasus made Aisha's ebony coat even darker then what it was. Her noir head flicked up to gaze upon the approaching Kri. I have no reason to fear an unskilled warrior. She threw up her head,glad she had a sense of humor and wasn't some dull leader like ones she had know. Dull personalities were almost unbearable to Aisha. Kri's humor was pleasant to hear. Her old herd leader how no sense of humor unless he was beating down some poor stallion or mare.


The muscler bronze body of Kri glided down till she was just above Aisha,more over to her right side,Kri's stocky,powerful legs bent out of reach,not that Aisha planned to nip her legs. It would be a waste of a attack and anyway,she could easily dart out the way if she tryed to get at her legs. As this wasn't a proper fight Aisha assumed more powerful attacks would not be used and so she would spar Kri the wrath of her horn,at least the shape point at the end. Kri had tilted her wings,brushing the tips along the sand whilst attempting to shove her legs into Aisha's right side. In one quick movement she twisted her body to face the side of Kri's head. Kri lunged out at her face,her jaws wide open,ready to get Aisha on the face.


Aisha took a hasty step back,arching her neck in a defensive. Her horn was pointed directly at Kri's head but as this was only a practice spar she would not leap forward and attempt to run her horn though the mares brain. She twisted her body round till she could just see Kri behind her as she landed from her flight,her hoofs sinking into the sand. Flicking her ears back Aisha raised her back legs up,flicking them out in aim of Kri's neck and shoulder. Pulling in her legs he turned on a tight circle before lunging out with her neck,her jaw unlocked showing her teeth which,although were not shape like a wolfs or lions,the powerful jaw controlling them could clamp on on flesh and cling on,delivering quiet a puncture to skin. Winding her neck back in she turned in another tight circle,kicking out with no aim in particular,so that she could get full vision of Kri and was out of reach of any bites. She was now had kri in full vision,just over a meter away. She hoped Kri would not fly during this spar as it would be highly unfair as she didn't have wings to enable her to fly.

WC:453

Summary: Dodges out the way of her shove in a twist that leaves her facing the side of Kri's head. She steps back to dodge the bite with her neck arched so her horn is point the side of her face. She twists her body round so she can barely see Kri as she is in her blind spot but she has a rough idea of where she is so she bucks aiming at Kri's neck and shoulder. She turns a tight circle then tries to bite Kri's neck. She turns again in another tight circle to leave the distance just over a meter between the two.



"blah blah blah."




Kri the Resolute Posts: 243
Hidden Account
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3hh :: 10 Buff: NUMB
Boom Boom!
#4

KRI the resolute
one cannot stop the wind from blowing, nor refuse the falling rain.


She was quick, almost impossibly so, and my attacks miss her body altogether. As she lunges back, her horn pointed dangerously toward my face, I let out a playful snap, not aiming to land upon her body, almost like a dog would chase fruitlessly after a stick flying about in the air. I let out a joyous laugh, feeling the peel of battle once more as I hit the dirt, my hooves flinging dirt recklessly about, red clouds of dust pluming a foot above the ground, twirling loose as the wind follows me diligently. Aisha as well is hot on my heels, almost as diligent as my wind, but not as fast. I am already moving again, hooves finding traction in the areas of dirt cleared by my wind and slide just moments ago, clattering against harder red stones underneath the thin carpet of sand.

My dart forward does not escape the outstretched stones of Aisha's hooves, clipping my rump and leaving prints of red dirt meddle in with the chocolate. The dull points of her round hooves do not cut, thankfully, but the pain radiating from my rear tells me that I am likely to have some bruising underneath my lush coat of chocolate before nightfall. Letting out a snort of excitement, I push on. My path is not straight, however, as I am not attempting to flee my opponent, so I curve, making a quick throw of my teeth toward the shoulder of Aisha as she bites out at the phantom of myself, my former position, having thought me immobile. I was uncertain why newer fighters assumed that their opponents were unable to move, but I was reminded of Elizabeth's folly during our fight not long ago.

Pegasus, just as unicorns, have legs perfectly capable of fast movement. Maybe that should be a lesson taught by Azzuen and Midas for the Soldiers. I would make certain to tell them after this spar.

My hooves do not stop moving as I twist around, dark eyes following Aisha's jerking movements with interest, but more of a harsh, critical eye. The second kick of my opponent misses entirely, again toward the same cleared patch of desert in which I have landed. I laugh quietly to myself, though with this proximity, I am sure that Aisha can hear me. Now, it is time to begin again. Coming around her side once more, I suddenly burst forward in speed. I slide in toward her right, throwing the entirety of my weight into my left shoulder and toward her right barrel, teeth outstretched to seek the top of the mare's shoulder, hopefully out of reach of the sword neatly stuck through her skull. I am very glad that I am not battling a foe on this day.
""

[ WC: 482; 2/2; 0/2 magic ]




[ OOC commentary; I have more to comment on this time, but I will try not to blab too much. xD

The first warning I have for you is not to dodge too much. Defenses are good, dodging really strong attacks is good, but simply avoiding all of your opponent's attacks will lose you a fight. You have to balance the amount of damage you take with the realistic ability of your character to dodge, which really varies with who you are fighting. You have to constantly be considerate of your character's strengths as well as that of your opponent.

I will tell you right now that Kri will be counted as faster than Aisha by a judge. Normally, Aisha would have the advantage with a slimmer build and longer legs, but Kri has the Battle Buff Swift, while Aisha does not. Her movements will either be just as fast as Kri's or slower, but the fact that you dodge all of Kri's attacks suggests that she is quicker to respond. You will get points taken off for unrealistic dodges - so keep that in mind.

Also, I had a problem with your anatomy here: "Aisha took a hasty step back,arching her neck in a defensive. Her horn was pointed directly at Kri's head..." Kri is flying. Her barrel is sort of level with her neck, if you think about it, and if Aisha is arching her neck, there is no possible way to have her horn pointed down and also at a pegasus's head while she is flying.

Okay, moving on to your attacks.

The main problem with your attacks is that you held no sense of time frames. Your first kick was a very good, very solid attack. It made sense if Kri was behind her to just kick out. That was excellent. Then, it gets messy.

Kri is not an inanimate object. She will move, but your attacks did not account for this. Your "quick turns" will still take time, they are not instantaneous. You lost all sense of time during your attacks. A kick itself may take 3 seconds, but during those 3 seconds, Kri was already moving. You did not adjust your wording to make room for Kri to move, which can be considered slight powerplay or just idiocy on part of your character to keep attacking the same spot. I was forced to either miss the majority of your attacks or act as though I knew your character was following Kri, which would be powerplay in itself.

A pivot, even a quick one, takes around 2-5 seconds. A bite is quick, maybe a second if you're not gripping onto your opponent. The rest takes time. So, here is a break down of your attacks.

Kick: 3 seconds
Turn: 3.5 seconds
Bite: 1 second
Turn: 3.5 seconds
Kick: 3 seconds

In total you have about 14 seconds where you just expect Kri to stand still. In the case that you said Aisha was moving, running, walking, adjusting at all, I would have room to make some of your attacks plausible. However, the way your post is worded, Aisha seems stationary to a small area.

A suggestion I have is to not break up your attacks with movement like that. You should not -have- to turn more than once during your post. If you do, you may want to consider if you are attacking too much! Your attacks should come as fluid movements, either as a way to defend or one, cooperative offense. Rear/bite, ram/bite, kick/ram, etc. It should not be broken up into such jagged, separate attacks.

The largest problem with your post is this:
"full vision of Kri and was out of reach of any bites. She was now had kri in full vision,just over a meter away."

This small pair of sentences has two instances of powerplay. You /cannot/ say your character is out of reach of another directly. You cannot assume the position of a character, which is what you do by dictating the distance here. You should have worded this more loosely. "Trying to keep out of reach of any bites" and "She could see Kri not far away", for instance. The judge will count you off heavily for anything that can be construed as powerplay.

My last tip is to run your post through a word processing program just to catch minor spelling/grammar mistakes that happen. I am not a good example of a proofreader, as I almost never do it. You should not follow my example! Make the judge's life easier and proofread! Doing this can also help you catch any out of question attacks you thought sounded good at the time, but in reality make no sense. xD

Kri attempts to bite out at Aisha while she is biting at the area where she was standing. After the flurry of Aisha's attacks, Kri tries to ram her right side with her shoulder while biting out for her neck. ]

Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#5

BlackVeilBrides
~ RAWRRR


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The playful snap kept Aisha at bay,reminding her this is a training spar to improve and not to hurt each other to much though it doesn't stop a surge of accomplishment running though her spine as she felt her hoofs crash against the chocolate rump of Kri. As she lets's out a snort Aisha pulled in her back legs,landing them on the ground with a defended thump due to the rolls of sand. As Kri lunges out Aisha throws her weight round so that her rump can smash into the left side of Kri's outstretching neck.


Damn. Anoyance struck her as she realised she had been a total idiot in kicking out again. Dur,Aisha,she is gonna move you idiot! The slight laugh that escaped Kri was herd by Aisha though she chose to block it out.She knew she had been a idiot in kicking out and that it had failed and Kri's laughing was making her feel more of a fool although she knew it was, probably,not to make her feel as much of a idiot as she did feel. Concentration was needed and laughing can be distracting,to Aisha anyway. Seeing Kri out the corner of her eye,charging towards her right shoulder she takes a step back then throws herself onto her back legs,her ebony head chucked back as her ocean colored eyes glinted in the light,starting to bring her legs down as Kri's chocolate body charges past. Noticing Kri's neck was outstretched as if she was ready to bite and so Aisha brought she almost lost balance realising her barrel was at good aim but now the only thing she could do,as she was in full rear and coming down, was for her to bring her legs down with as much speed and power as she could.







WC:314

Summary:When Kri attempts a bite at her shoulder she swings her weight around hoping her rump would crash into Kri's neck. When Kri charges at her she steps back and rearing in aim to slam her hoofs down on Kri's back.

Thank you for this by the way:3


"blah blah blah."




Kri the Resolute Posts: 243
Hidden Account
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3hh :: 10 Buff: NUMB
Boom Boom!
#6

KRI the resolute
one cannot stop the wind from blowing, nor refuse the falling rain.


My blue eyes catch movement of my opponent's backside, snapping my neck back out quickly after my clatter of teeth to avoid the mass of bulk from slamming into my delicate nape. I feel more than hear the whir of air that rushes by my shoulder, just inches from touching my skin. I smile, tucking my head once more close to my chest, moving onward, circling Aisha as though she wear an innocent little rabbit and I the fox. Her attempt to kick out at my phantom was amusing, and I could tell that they laugh sliding from my lips was heard by her, though she makes no outward response except for what I thought was a momentary, crestfallen breath from her lungs.

We are all beginners at some point. I had been no less foolish, but perhaps more stubborn than this mare. Fighting was just another art that required careful training. She would hone her skills someday, if she was adamant in her goals. My skills had faced the same trials, and there was a reason that I was called the Resolute.

When I charge, I note that Aisha rises, a beautiful movement, but a foolish one. I knew the balance of her body would be weak, but to crash fully into her now would likely break one of her precious legs. That was not the point in this spar, though maybe it would be a valuable lesson. Leaning on the edge of mercy, I throw my weight backward, slamming on my breaks, my body being shook like leaves in the wind, and lifting myself up slightly, just in time for Aisha's legs to come slamming down in front of me, narrowly missing the gulliotine of her legs. "Enough!" I bellow, looking at her wit ha disconcerted face that had lost all of the good humor it held within moments. "Do you desire to crack my spine? I am not your enemy!" Snorting, annoyed, I turn away from the mare and begin to walk out into the desert, a plume of red dust wavering behind me.

"We will end this here, until you can learn control."
""

[ WC: 375; Closing defense; 0/2 magic. ]





[ OOC Commentary:

There were some improvements in this post, but there was also some ground lost as well.

The first big mistake that will cost you points is that you never mentioned if any of Kri's attacks landed or not. I was left to assume that they did not, but since you made no mention of it anyway or the other, I was not certain. The judge will not know either, and you will lose points. Even if the attack misses, you have to dictate that. Everything must be accounted for. I sort of have a formula that I run through in my head. List out their attacks, decide how you want to take them or if you want to at all, what damage would be done and pain would be felt or how do you justify missing the attack. If you go through those for every attack your opponent launches, you will get it all in there and you won't lose points!

Next, your rearing to avoid a charge. Kri easily could have reguided her charge toward Aisha's leg, and horses are extremely unbalanced when rearing! Aisha would have toppled like a Jenga tower, and that would be good for no one. So, while your mechanics were fine, it was not a smart choice and a risk you didn't need to take. Pivoting or even just lurching to the side would have been enough to dodge it, and that would have kept her from being a target for getting knocked over.

Lastly, your flow in this post was not good. Your first paragraph is totally irrelevant from your second or at least it reads that way. You need smoother transitions. Do not forget that prose is part of your rubric as well. I forgot to mention in your last critique, but your emotion is also a tad bit lacking. Aisha should be present in every single post, not just in mechanics but in mind. How does she feel during this battle? During her moment when she is unbalanced during the rear would be a -great- moment to mention panic, even if it's momentary. I know I certainly would be a little scared if I was about to fall over in the middle of a spar. x3

OKAY, now for the good stuff.

Your first defense was actually quite brilliant. Throwing her hind end toward Kri's neck maybe didn't match up as well as I'd like since she was biting for a shoulder, but it was still ingenuous thinking, and the kind of defense I like. I give you a big gold star for it.

Next, you really improved on your time frame of attacks. There were no massive expanding attacks, nor did I feel that anything you did was out of the realm of plausibility. You came a long way from your first post, and you should be /proud/ of that. You really listened to that bit of advice, and I think you are going to become a much better fighter for it. ^^

That's all, folks. Thank you for the fabulous fight. Time to call the judge over to have a look. ]

Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#7
[Kk thank you Boom:D]

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#8




K r i | A i s h a
- - - - -
By my verdict KRI is the winner. Kri can now use the battle buff Dance!
Remember Kri, now that you have more than 2 battle buffs you need to specify which 2 your are using in a fight, if any.

KRI -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: shove
+ 1| Attack: bite

[Prose]
+ 2| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AISHA -- post 1

[Realism]
0| Defense: dodge shove? – you say you twist away, which is plausible, but you do not make any definitive remark if the shove misses, grazes you, or still hits.
- 1| Defense: dodge bite – if you had just twisted away from the shove, and Kri was doing all these attacks basically simultaneously, you would not have the time to back up and lower your head, and if you did the bite would still at least graze something not completely miss.
- 1| Attack: buck – Kri landed several feet away and you never mentioned moving closer towards her, this buck would only hit air.
0| Attack: bite – I can’t tell if this is an actual attack or just a bluff. You never describe the actual action of attacking, or aiming anywhere at Kri, you just say your mouth is open. Please specify.
- 1| Attack: kick – all these circles around Kri, it’s highly unlikely she’s still just standing there, and I don’t understand how you can be close enough to kick but out of reach for Kri to counter-attack. You also say she is over a meter away so not fully sure how you could reach her either.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow – your transitions can be a bit choppy
- 1| Easy read – a lot of confusing sections to this

KRI -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: took the buck
+ 1| Defense: missed the bite
+ 1| Attack: bite
+ 1| Experience: remembering Elizabeth fight
+ 1| Defense: avoids kick
+ 1| Attack: ram
+ 1| Attack: bite

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AISHA -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Attack: rump slam – you do this in response to Kri’s bite, but Kri’s bite is already in response to one of your attacks so you cannot attack again. It’s never a good idea to backtrack too much in a fight post. Once you have written your attacks the post prior, it’s a good idea to really only defend to anything your opponent may do in that time frame, only making new attacks following the timeframe of your opponent’s newest attacks…. I’m not sure if that made any sense, but basically you’re trying to double back to your actions 2 posts ago which is too much.
- 1| Defense: bite – you make no mention of whether you took Kri’s bite or not.
- 1| Defense: rearing – to dodge a ram with a rear is very unwise as you’ve just made yourself more unbalanced, but to say the ram entirely missed because you reared makes no sense. Your body is still in the same area, just slightly up, so Kri would have a high chance of still striking it unless you had moved first and then reared.
- 1| Defense: bite – you never say if the bite lands or not
0| Attack: rear – Kri would still be close so trying to attack when coming down from a rear is a good choice. Given the circumstances of your rear, however, it makes no sense in this case.

[Prose]
0| Emotion
0| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

KRI -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: misses the butt bump – this was not as clear as it could have been
+ 1| Defense: misses the rear attack


KRI

[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings
+ 1| Health

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: I really enjoyed Kri’s head commentary in this fight, haha. I could tell this was a faster spar because you didn’t focus on some of the smaller extras like breed and surroundings, but still you did very well especially given some of the confusing or strange instances that came up in this battle. Not much to suggest for working on in the future, great job!

AISHA

[Bonus]
None.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: I did see some improvements over the course of this fight, but you definitely need to research how horses fight a little bit more as some of your mechanics and timing especially were very off. It also concerns me that you didn’t take a single attack this entire battle. It is not avoiding attacks that earns you points, it’s how realistic you are, be it dodging or taking an injury, so keep that in mind in the future! Also make it very clear in your writing if an attack does land or not, as sometimes I wasn’t sure if you had dodged or taken an attack, but based on wording assumed dodged. Your attacks had pretty good aim as far as the body parts of your opponent, but don’t forget that mentioning left or right sides makes a huge difference as well and is very helpful for your opponent and judge to better visualize. As a suggestion for your next fight, you want to avoid circling around your opponent or setting up attacks that take a lot of preparing because your opponent will rarely be standing still, and it can be assumed that once you make one attack they are already reacting and moving, so you need to strategize and word your attacks for the movement of your opponent. You have some potential though and practice makes perfect, so just keep practicing!

TOTAL
KRI - 70
AISHA - 44


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr

Kri the Resolute Posts: 243
Hidden Account
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.3hh :: 10 Buff: NUMB
Boom Boom!
#9
Thanks, judge! :D


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