I've gotten myself into some very troubling displeasure and I only find myself digging my hole deeper and deeper. As if there is no possible way I can climb out and to the safety of the open skies before the walls fall in and baracade me. I am capable still of gracing my wings with the sky but the freedom I once knew feels so distant and rarely at my favor. I have followed Leander from the Throat and now feel troubles within my soul that I can't truly describe. I would hate to say I have feelings for him but truly I am not sure. My loyalty had resided with him not this new arrogant fool to step in and rule too. I would not stand for it, I'd much rather place my life as an outsider for all of eternity. I find within her a fire I do not like. Perhaps I could be too judgemental.

No, though, I will not stand beside her and give the grace of my acceptance to her. I will fall from Leander's side, I will always be his backbone though, but I will not stand to fall again. I have seen this story many times, the underdog will never win. It is the true motive in life and it can not be stopped. Slowed perhaps but stopping natures course from wiping out blemishes is worthless, you cannot succeed. I am now a blemish and foolish of me to have left so brashly. I could have left later on, giving my reason as quite simple in saying I did not belong, after all Kri did say her herd members were not prisoners. A respectful thing I find of her but if I was to go back now, there would be no point. Not saying I would though, I'm not foolish enough to do that. My heart does not belong with Kri.

Maybe I feel as though my heart is connected to Leander because he is my only friend here. I hope I do not feel a sort of weakness to his gaze, it is only ignorant to be so oblivious to your next problem, which is what happens in love. You become sickly in a trance without falling from such. You're in your own little universe, strictly forbidding yourself to the truth of the outside world. I've seen that many times before. Even now as I walk this beach, hooves trailing through the warm sand and cooling shore water, I remember that young couple. Perfect in each others limbs... perfect for only so long. They had fallen to the lowest of the herd, slowly distancing themselves but quickly finding they could not be one. Both of them sought my presence shortly after and day after day I would listen to their sappy sob stories and I would offer my advice. Did they follow it? No. Like I said, the trance. You are ignorant to your surroundings and what others offer you. I cannot stoop to this, I will not stoop to this.

I wonder now if I should just leave it be and return home, no one would have noticed my leave. Even after these years. Perhaps my mother would remember our goodbye but the rest weren't aware of my existence unless they sought out advice or someone they could bury neck deep in their problems. This burden I do not mind though, I take pleasure in being someone they can relieve themselves to. Just as Leander had somewhat escaped to me. It is not a burden to have someone find help from you, I rather enjoy such things. My soul is bright and warm, I'm perfect for the job with my intelligence on such. I will though admit that I can no longer do this. Perhaps my heart will no longer open for anyone but Leander or someone so desperately in need. Maybe I will just linger around as his pet, I know he'll never wonder about me, the way I wonder about him.