the Rift


There'll be peace when you are done [Practise Spar, Aisha] - JUDGE PLEASE

Phaedra the Opulent Posts: 343
Deceased
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None Aud
#1
[Image: 50bfc82451215]

PHAEDRA



Phae had never set foot in the battleground - she never believed that she would ever have any reason to, but much had changed. She was not the frightened mare who first entered the threshold, nearly spooked by Ophelia, of all creatures. Not that Ophelia could never be a threat, only that she wasn't immediately threatening; at least not that day. Still, the sooty palomino mare found herself wandering into the grounds, looking for a fight. Or a spar. Or whatever it was called. Her companion, a secretary bird-chick glided gracefully behind the mare, chittering her uncertainty at this place, clearing smelling the blood and hostility on the wind. Phae ignored these humble protests, determined to fight for the first time in her life.

Was it her initial bloody encounter with Leander that drove her here? Or was it her inability to verbally best Faelene, that urged her to learn the fine art of battle? She couldn't be sure, but whatever the hunger in her belly was, it was strong. Looking over at Stella, Phae smiled confidently. Her conscious mind told her that she was fighting for Stella; that Stella was her reason to learn how to protect. But she could protect the little chick using the same methods she always had - flight, and flirt. No, Phaedra wanted blood; she wanted battle.

Dancing across the battle field, Phae halted, tossing her head arrogantly to the wind, glancing around sharply for someone to challenge her. Surely someone would come..?

[800 word count maximum; companions and magic not allowed. This setting is perfect for a beginner spar: the daylight is bright, but the sun is at about 3 o'clock, meaning that its rays are less likely to be blinding. There is a gentle wind, and the land is firm. The elements should not have much effect on the outcome. 3 attacks + 1 closing defence. Judged.

Phaedra Summation: Enters the battle grounds, waits (unknowingly) for Aisha to arrive. You may have the first attack - assume that if Aisha challenges her, she will just nod her head agreeing to it.]


I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

 HP: 45.5

Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#2

BlackVeilBrides
~ RAWRRR


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Dancing on soft,but solid,ground,Aisha kept herself amused. She didn't know why she had headed though this way. Maybe it was so she could be alone for a while? Or to look for others? All she knew what that she was board to death. To death. She found herself prancing round like a foal. Or a idiot. Well,both are the same in most cases. She laughed to herself,thinking of when she was a foal. If you thought she was playful now,just coming out of pure youth,you should have seen her as a filly: when she wasn't fighting anyway. She would always be galloping around,bucking and rearing. She had always stuck by 'Live life young'. Perhaps that was why she was so playful and hyper now. And maybe that was why she had survived years of her old herds fighting needs. High spirits. They helped in life,a lot.


The toss of a head drew Aisha's deep blue eyes to look in that direction. A tawny colored Pegasus stood there,a bird seemed to be hovering around her. A sudden wave came over Aisha. She hadn't sparred in a while. She grinned,trotting over to the mare and halting a few meters away. "Hello. Do you dare spar with me?" She winked,her grin widening. A nod of the Pegasus head confirmed that they would spar.


She reared,charging forward,his hoofs thundering on the solid ground. Her neck arched her neck,pointing her horn directly at the mares Left side. As she thundered past and was a few inches behind the Pegasus's bum she came to a half halt then twisted in one swift movement. She took a leap forward before bucking so she could fully extended her powerful legs. She threw up her back legs,fully extending her legs,aiming for the left flank of the Pegasus. Landing her back legs on the ground she trotted a tight circle,turning to face her left flank again and lunging in a bite.


WC:349

Summary:Aims her horn at her left solder,gallops past,twists and leaps forward to extended her legs fully in her next move which is a buck at her left flank where she also lunges a bite after the buck.



"blah blah blah."




Phaedra the Opulent Posts: 343
Deceased
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None Aud
#3
[Image: 50bfc82451215]

PHAEDRA



Phae watched with interest as the black mare pranced her way, her green gaze hungrily taking in the mares appearance, mentally recording her stats. She was likely about 3 inches shorter than Phae, but with a sturdier build. The mare looked as though she had some morgan in her, which completely contrasted Phae’s svelte Arabian lineage. Hello. Do you dare spar with me? The mare quipped, winking at Phae. Snorting, Phae curled her muzzle in a curt nod. She looked to Stella and tossed her head to the trees, indicating the little bird would have to wait on the sidelines.

So. This was it, her first spar.

Phae felt a rush of adrenaline course through her body, making her feel as though she was unbeatable. Surely this was how all fighters felt, stepping into the ring, and Phae was no exception. Her limbs felt fluid, making her feel confident. She smirked as the darker mare reared into the air before she came thundering towards Phae - Could you be any more predictable? She thought smugly as if she were some old pro. She lightly stepped to her right, almost dancing as her opponent charged by her, horn lowered like some brutal dagger. Too caught up in the thrill of avoiding the first of Aisha’s attacks, Phae was unaware that her opponent had deftly changed directions only a few strides after passing her. Phae would have assumed after her initial rearing-demonstration, that the mare would not attack again without more showmanship. She felt the disturbance of the air as Aisha bucked in her direction. However the dark unicorn failed to take two crucial pieces of information into account: Surely she must have known Phae would step to the right of such an obvious attack? Thus putting Phae farther away from the mare, than she likely anticipated. The second bit of information was that Phae was several inches taller than she, causing the result to be thus: As Aisha spun about and straightened herself out, she ended up perpendicular to Phae; her hooves swung out behind the sooty palomino, missing her completely. The dark mares muscular haunches however, connected as momentum brought the two mares together. As their bodies hit, Phae immediately pulled away, stunned by the blow. This amount of distance afforded Phae a moment to view the dark mare circling back in, as if she meant to bite her flank.

Being a winged beast, Phae instinctively sought her wings for support: her left wing jutted out swiftly, although not fully extended. Her feathered metacarpals and digits still pointed back at her flank, allowing only the hard bones of her wing joint to be aimed at the thick muscles of the mares neck. With luck she would pinch a nerve there, but at the very least the angle of Aisha’s circle towards Phae should knock her off balance.

Hopefully having knocked the mare off balance, Phae instinctively sought an offensive attack. Using her wings once again to her advantage, she beat them twice easing the transition onto her back legs, the muscle in her left hindquarter flaring with pain as she did so. As Aisha was already in close proximity, she lost no time in aiming her hooves for the mares spine, even if Aisha was quick to attack, her hooves should still find a mark somewhere. In the air, the moment seemed to slow for Phae. She saw the dark hide of Aisha grow with spectacular clarity, and for a moment, she fancied it was Faelene who now stood beneath her falling hooves. With this renewed rage, Phae’s wings folded together in the air reducing air-resistance and increasing her momentum, as she leapt forward and attempted to slam her hooves onto Aisha’s back.

[WC: 620

Character Summary: Phae easily steps to the right of Aisha’s running charge, but doesn’t notice in time that Aisha has immediately turned around to attack again. As Phae was already to the right of Aisha, and taller, her hooves don’t connect, but as their bodies come together, Aisha’s extended legs connect with Phae’s left hip, basically Charlie-horsing it. As Aisha circles around to bite Phae, she extends the boney part of her wing into Aisha’s neck, hopefully injuring her, but at the very least knocking her off balance. Hopefully, unbalanced, Phae uses her wings to swiftly rear into the air, and uses the momentum to lunge forward driving her hooves hopefully onto Aisha’s back.

Attack 1/3
Defense 0]


I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

 HP: 45.5

Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#4

BlackVeilBrides
~ RAWRRR


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The sooty mare,much to Aisha's annoyance,had dodged the thrashing ebony attacks that Aisha had put into play. As her extended legs clashed with the mares left hip a shock of pain ran though up to her thigh. As she drew her legs in the pain ceased slightly though her legs felt slightly jolted. Turning the tight circle and about to lunge into the bit the mare held the bony part of her wing at Aisha's neck. Coming to a sudden stop in her tracks she veered away from the mare in fear of being winded,,bucking and snorting as she went,her ears flat back. Charging back the sooty mare reared. Aisha arched her neck,aiming her horn directly at her under belly. If she wanted to slam her hoofs down on Aisha's back;she was going to be stabbed in the process. Either way worked for Aisha. They both get badly hurt; or none get hurt at all.


Pure adrenaline took over Aisha to the point she felt like anything that cam in her path would be killed. A fighting spirit was flowing though her blood and veins,carrying the spirit to every part of her muscled body,feeling the old rage that she used to feel when fighting in her old home against the stallion brutes there. She imagined the tawny mare as one of those brutes but a mare; So she wouldn't be as brutal as she could have been.


Her mind was working at full speed as to what her next move would be. The Pegasus had a better amount of area covered then Aisha as she didn't have wings unlike the tawny mare. Maybe she could use that to her advantage? Aisha had a much bigger target because of the mares wings making it easier to kick or bite her or something. Wings. It would be useful if she could damage one of them.

WC:325

Summary:Simply charges at Phea when she is rearing. (Couldn't really put any other attacks because I don't know what the outcome will be of it.)



"blah blah blah."




Phaedra the Opulent Posts: 343
Deceased
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None Aud
#5
[Image: 50bfc82451215]

PHAEDRA



Suddenly, panic crept into Phae’s bones. How is she doing this?! Phae’s mind wondered desperately. First, Aisha had come charging at Phae at what she had thought was a quick pace, only to immediately halt, circle her and attack again. Now, similarly, as Phae’s wing jutted towards the dark mares neck, Aisha again immediately halted avoiding her attack completely. Had she really under estimated this mare so badly? Or perhaps Phae was simply much slower than she thought she was. In the air, there was no one faster, but perhaps on land, in this sort of arena, she wasn’t? She forced her mind to cease this line of thinking; if she was being slow, she would simply have to be faster.

As her wing had been unable to push Aisha off balance during the dark mare’s tight circle to Phae’s flank, the mare apparently had time to re-group and charge with her head once again lowered, in the time it took Phae to rear onto her hind legs, aided by her wings. As she watched the light bounce across Aisha’s horn, her mind was alerted to the sharpness of its tip. For the first time Phae realized that even though this was only a practice spar, she may still be seriously wounded. In a panic caused by her lack of formal training in this area, she resorted to the only skill that she did in fact have: flying. As her wings were already outstretched, having used their aid to propel her onto her hind legs, she cupped them somewhat, maximizing the amount of air they could displace, and swiftly pumped them to her sides. The motion was extremely taxing on her wing-muscles, as she forced her body to become as airborne as her muscles would allow. In her panic, she had forgotten the injury to the muscle in her hindquarter, where Aisha had bucked into her. As she leaped upwards, the muscle cramped and gave out - the Charlie-horsed-flesh hadn’t worked itself out yet, and the strain of lifting herself into the air from a standstill proved too great. She cried out, both in pain and fear, as her upward descent was badly thrown off by this, and instead of neatly flying over Aisha, her trajectory was cut short. Phae’s front hooves cleared Aisha’s lowered head easily, but her back end was not so lucky. Aisha’s horn sliced into her left rear canon bone, slicing nearly down to the bone itself, but having hit straight on, did not sever the ligaments there. Phae’s body tumbled forward as she tried to correct for the impact. Wings still raised, she tried to kick out with her hind right leg at Aisha’s back, as Phae clumsily continued over top of her, as the two sailed in opposite directions.

As she landed, she gasped for breath. She felt a flaring pain in her entire left back side now; her muscle was now tight and knotted. She needed to loosen the muscle to allow blood flow back into the area, but there was no time. Besides, increasing blood flow to her hip would also increase the amount which drained out of the large gash on her lower leg. Aren’t you supposed to keep wounds elevated? How was she supposed to do that, in the middle of a spar? The wound was open and raw, but luckily there was little fatty tissue or muscle on the bone, which reduced the amount of blood, which was starting to seep out.


[WC: 665

Character Summary: Phae attemps to fly over Aisha to avoid her attack but due to how close Aisha already is, and the previous wound she inflicted on Phae’s hindquarter, she can’t fly over her completely. As just jumps/fly’s, her front hooves clear Aisha, but her back don’t and Aisha’s horn cuts into the bone on her back left leg. She tries to kick at Aisha’s back with her right leg as she glides over top of her.

Attacks 2/3
Defence 0/1]

I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

 HP: 45.5

Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#6

BlackVeilBrides
~ RAWRRR


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Aisha's leg was still pumping though mild pain as she galloped towards Pheadra but she wouldn't let it hold her back from the thunderous charge. One thing in her previous home she had learnt was to never let pain hold you back-you must go forward despite the throbbing pain that might be surging though you. You were only punished by it by more pain; or death. Aisha was almost dragged from now to then. She felt the surge or wanting to hurt flow though her bones. Rage returned as she remembered how many fights she had been forced into and that it had turned her into a fight loving mare. She could almost feel her blood boiling.


The mare in front of her seemed to be in a state of panic. Aisha obviously connected her panic to the fact that she was running toward her with her horn pointed directly at her while she was rearing. Pheadra then proceeded to curve her wings and propel herself up into the air above. The density of the air changed dramatically and was constantly shifting; it was almost as if you could hear the rush of air. If the sooty mare had had more distance perhaps her bond into the air would have been more successful then it was. Although her front legs escaped unharmed her back left leg did not manage to escape the wrath of Aisha's horn. She could almost feel her horn cutting deep into the muscly flesh as it drew a long heavy,blood red line. The smell of blood flooded Aisha; soaking her with memories with the sound as Pheara's cry as background music.


Though she had never fought a Pegasus she had the same sensation of life or death as every fight in her blood filled past home had. Five minutes would not pass without a spar going on somewhere in the mist of the trees and after each fight was finished there would be either a empty silence; or the cry of a Unicorn,stallion or mare,left to die. That's how she felt now. She would fight now as she had done in previous fights. Hungry for more.


A sharp kick on her back pulled her out of the memory void. A twang on pain running down her spine as she realised the Pegasus above had used her flying skills to her advantage. Well,at least it was a lesson learnt. Never trust a Pegasus during a spar,when its right above you. Flicking her ears back in anger at letting the mare take advantage of her thoughts she buck,throwing her back legs up and extending them as far as she could,aiming to kick at her chest and underbelly as she glided over her. Hearing the thud of Phea landing she turned no quiet as fast as before as she didn't feel the need now that the mare was injured. Snorting and shaking her head she threw herself forward again but instead she didn't aim her horn. To get this right she needed to stride it right so that her buck would be in perfect length of her neck,hopefully winding her. Stride three,two,one! Half halting,kicking up a mist of soil she reared slightly,thrashing her legs around in the air,aiming to catch her neck or even her head. Her ocean blue eyes caught phea's emerald orbs but she didn't hold the gaze for long. She took a few quick steps back then halted,pawing at the ground and basically saying. Come and try it. Her sapphire eyes glaring at Phea,but with a hint of kindness.


WC:623

Summary:Phea kicks her back causing Aisha to buck at the mares chest and under belly in anger. She then charges at Phea and rears but not very high,thrashing her legs around at her head and neck. She quickly steps back and starts pawing at the ground.


"blah blah blah."




Phaedra the Opulent Posts: 343
Deceased
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None Aud
#7
[Image: 50bfc82451215]

PHAEDRA



Time, is a tricky thing. In the heat of the moment, in battle especially, time seems to become more and more elastic, as if the God of the Spark himself had decided to interfere. There were moments when Phae’s mind with a cold calculating clarity had the perceived time to transpose Faelene onto Aisha’s form, yet other moments seemed to whirl by too quickly for comprehension. Where the difficulty lay, was in the objectivity that physics demanded upon their bodies.

Phae would have thought it would have been impossible for the mare to buck due to the compression that Phae’s hooves would have caused on her back, not to mention that she was only afforded milliseconds of reaction time, as Phae’s body sailed through the air. Nonetheless, she could feel the air changing around her hind hooves as Aisha’s legs lunged out, aiming for her chest and under belly, and missed their target, for a second time, due to their height differences. There was simply not enough time between Aisha’s horn cutting Phae’s back left leg, and Phae’s back right leg connecting with the mare’s back, for Aisha to buck and connect with her chest and belly, as she intended.

Without a moments pause, Aisha was once again charging at Phaedra. How this mare was able to push through the pain she must have felt, Phae didn’t know, but it was a handy trick. Phae hadn’t landed too far from Aisha, and the only saving grace of her clumsy leap over the mare, is that there wasn’t much time for Aisha to build up speed. Sadly for Phae, the dark mare had changed her battle tactics. She felt Aisha skid to a stop at her side, kicking up more soil than she would have thought possible, given how hard the ground was. Phae was expecting the mare to buck again, based on how this spar had proceeded, and was caught off guard when she reared. A more experienced spar-er could probably have foreseen and planned for this difficulty, but Phae could not, as she was incredibly inexperienced.

What was she even doing this for? She had felt so confident when she first stepped onto the battlefield – as if beginner’s luck was something she was owed, guaranteeing that she would come out of this on top. Now, not only was she bruised and bleeding, but she could no longer recall what had driven her here in the first place. The maddening anger and frustration she felt for Tolio and Faelene had ebbed away, replaced with fear and physical pain instead.

She raised her muzzle towards the sky as she felt Aisha’s hooves grazing her chest as they rose upwards and began thrashing. Pinning her ears back partly out of anger, and partly to minimize the risk of having them bit, she reared as well, extending her wings to aid with balance. She felt Aisha’s hooves and forelegs interlocking with her own. Using this to her advantage, she leaned in, teeth bared hoping to grab any amount of flesh that she could latch onto. She aimed bites for the mare’s throat, out of reach of her thrashing forelegs, and her ears, using her height to her advantage. She grunted each time Aisha’s forelegs connected with her chest. Gasping, she tried to draw a breath in between biting lunges, feeling as though the wind was constantly being knocked out of her. She leaned heavily into Aisha, partly trying to stifle the blows from her forelegs, but partly to remove the weight on her back left side, the muscle of which was threatening to give out.

Being able to take the berating of her chest no longer, Phae pushes away from the mare, awkwardly twisting herself around. As her hooves hit the ground, she felt an enormous tightness in her chest, due to Aisha’s knees pounding there. She raised her right wing, which was conveniently coloured white, to signal the spar was over. ”Okay, okay!” She gasped, her voice coming out in raspy, ragged breaths. What was I thinking?! She wondered incredulously, lowering her nose to inspect the wound on her back leg.

Suddenly she heard Stella’s frantic chirps from the sidelines. Turning, she realized the little bird must have been squawking the whole time, but Phae had not registered the sound at all. Nodding, her bonded practically tripped over herself as she launched her small body into the air, flying to Phae as quickly as she could. Gently, unsure of where her bonded was in pain, Stella landed on her wither, chattering angrily at Aisha. Raising her muzzle, Phae exhaled, sounding exhausted. How long had this spar lasted? Surely it was only minutes, but it felt like hours.

[WC: 786.

Character Summary: Aisha’s buck misses Phae completely, as Phae is already over her by the time her legs extend. She is surprised by Aisha’s rear, and is hit several times in the chest before she rears as well, aiming to bit at Aisha’s throat and ears, before finally turning away as the pain in her leg grows too great.

Attack: 4/4
Defense 1/1

I hope that was an okay spar! I was my first one, so thank you Pheonix! I think this is how they typically end, from what I've read. I’ll edit the thread to have it judged.]


I did my best, it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

 HP: 45.5

Aisha Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#8

BlackVeilBrides
~ RAWRRR


Image and video hosting by TinyPic




Her buck had sent a raw aching pain down her back and had failed miserably. Her legs barely reached Pheadra's chest,the barely extended out as far as they could either because of the pain surging down her back. She winced at the pain and wished she had never even tryed to buck. No Aisha,you must fight though the pain. Determination pushed out the pain and she almost forgot about the pain until she charged back at Pheadra. The pain was holding her back from a full speed charge. She physically couldn't push herself of very well, and didn't have much distance to gain speed either.As she reared she could feel her hoofs pounding and scrapping along her neck and chest. The legs then clashed as the tawny mare reared to meet her. A bite was lunged at her. Instincts made her turn her beck to protect her face but the interlock of legs and hoofs of the two horses meant she couldn't pull away to dodge the bit and the mare manged to get her teeth round a piece of flesh on there right side of her neck. Bearing her teeth in annoyance she pushed hard on the mares chest to push her down on her cut leg.

Okay, okay! A rasping voice broke the silence of beating hoofs. She pulled away as a white wing was raised,teething ripping her flesh. About a meter away from the mare she stood breathing heavily as she was. A alert chirping from the trees became louder as Aisha looked up to see a bird flying towards the mare,landing on her withers,angry squawking being shot in her direction. A sight smile formed on her as she watched the pair was a weary eye. She nodded slight in acceptance that the fight had ended and she went though the usual process that she did after a fight,speaking her name. "Aisha." She wanted her name to be remembered. To be known. She flicked her ears forward as she took a few steps back,turning and nodding at Phea. It had let out a lot of steam Aisha had inside her and she was grateful. In the heart of the battle she had shown what she was capable of although she need to brush up on a few things.


WC:399

Summary:Aisha turns so that the bite to her throat/ears lands on her neck. When Phea speaks she pulls back and stands a few meters away,speaks her name then turns of into the distance.


Teehee its my second one:) Thank you Aud:D I enjoyed it:)


"blah blah blah."




Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9
will be judged soon!

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#10




A i s h a | P h a e d r a
- - - - -
By my verdict PHAEDRA is the winner.

AISHA -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: buck – you assume your target will continue to stay in one spot, but that’s not a realistic assumption, so all that time you used to go past (granted that could be a feint, but you don’t describe it as such…), then circle around and turn back the same way you just came to attack, was unnecessary and gives your opponent plenty of time to then kick you, as now you’re hanging out by her haunches, a horse’s strongest area.
+ 1| Attack: bite – again you assume Phaedra is standing there this whole time for you to circle her and bite, would have been wiser to bite while bucking or to circle around to her right side for a bit, wasting less time and giving Phaedra less opportunity to move around. As it stands both these attacks could very easily be completely avoided.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Easy read
+ 1| Flow

PHAEDRA -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: sidestep away, slight jolt
- 1| Defense: bite – you do not mention if it lands of falls, using an attack to counter a defense doesn’t mean you can disregard explaining your defense.
- 1| Attack: wing strike – she was circling around from behind, where the wing could not have reached her as she aimed for your flank
- 1| Attack: rear – if Aisha is on your left (you said you attacked with your left wing, and she had been coming around to bite your left flank) and you are rearing forward, as you make no note of saying you turned or shifted, her back would not be near your hooves.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Easy read
+ 1| Flow

AISHA -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: jolted by your own buck attack
- 1| Defense: stopped by wing – not a viable attack and thus defense given their positions, nor would it be likely you’d have the time to just stop and retreat if you were already attacking.
- 1| Injury: you say nothing of what taking the wing to the neck did injury wise, I would assume a bruise and some pain.
0| Attack: bucking – not described at all
- 1| Defense: no mention if the hoof attack lands or not – you cannot use a counter attack and not describe if the opponent’s attack lands or not. The character is already committed to attacking you, it is up to you to decide if it lands or not, regardless of what you do back at the character in that time.
- 1| Attack: horn to stomach – normally a sound attack, but as you said you left Phaedra’s side, I cannot fathom why you could come charging back into a rear, nor would you have the time to accomplish that.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Easy read
+ 1| Flow

PHAEDRA -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: no mention of Aisha’s errant bucks after the wing jab
+ 1| Defense: flying away, cut by horn
+ 1| Injury: hurt by haunch wound
+ 1| Attack: kick at Aisha’s back

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Flow

AISHA -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: kicked in back
- 1| Injury: zero mention of pain much less detailed injury of a kick to your sensitive backside
- 1| Attack: buck – a good response and a likely reaction from a horse, but given you were just hit in the back unlikely you would actually physically accomplish this. No mention of the back pain this attack would cause you
+ 1| Attack: rear – unlikely you could hit the head of a horse taller than you, heads are hard enough to hit as is. And no mention of the back pain this attack would cause you

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Flow

PHAEDRA -- post 3

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: avoid buck – although not likely Aisha could have bucked, she did so you must handle that attack as realistically as possible, and seeing as you said Phaedra had barely made it over Aisha and had been close enough to strike her, then Aisha too would be close enough to strike Phaedra. In the chest? No, but perhaps knocking Phaedra’s back feet, even if you get no injury damage from it, still a highly likely connection
+ 1| Defense: rear, taking hits to chest – normally a good response, and I could see it even given haunch pain, but it likely would have been a low and short rear given the pain.
+ 1| Attack: rear, pawing back
+ 1| Attack: biting

[Prose]
+ 2| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read
+ 1| Flow

AISHA -- post 4 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: pain from bucking
+ 1| Defense: legs tangled
- 1| Injury: you mention no pain or describe injuries from their legs clashing
+ 1| Defense: bite to neck
- 1| Attack: pushing at Phaedra to make her hit her cut leg – you cannot attack in this post


AISHA

[Bonus]
+ 1| Health

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| I liked your opening attack actually with the horn feint and then bucking, worded a bit better next time it could be successful.

Comments: You have a lot of potential, but I’m not sure you grasp the mechanics of fighting in regards to position of the characters or the timing of attacks. You had some creative ideas, but ones that were not always realistic. You especially need to remember to take proper injury, being sure to describe the pain and lasting effects. Try to be a bit more descriptive when explaining your attacks and defenses, you often wouldn’t say the side or explain it further than a couple words which leaves opponent and judge guessing as to what you had pictured. Also please use your opponent’s name, sometimes you’d refer to both of them as ‘her’. That can work when it’s a mare vs. stallion, saying him and her, but it’s always best to use names to avoid any confusion, even if you feel like you’re saying their names a lot, that’s much preferred over guessing who’s doing what! Keep practicing and I know you’ll improve quickly.

PHAEDRA

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Love the awkward flying leap.

Comments: I definitely think you have more skills than the outcome of this fight reflects of you, I think in this case there was some confusion that led to some of your point reductions. You write very well, although sometimes it seemed to lack emotion – you last post was lovely though. You have a keen eye for plausible attacks and defenses, and did a great job remembering your injuries and describing them well. My best advice to you at this stage is to be sure you react to all attacks and defenses, plausible or not from your opponent, and to continue to incorporate more emotion, injury, breed and surroundings to earn you more positive markings.

TOTAL
AISHA - 59
PHAEDRA - 64


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


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