When I woke the next morning, I realized that I had spent the night in the World's Edge. I will admit, that had not been my intention when I had set out in the dead of night to find Thor, running from the blackout that was so close behind, chasing me with bared teeth and a snarl. In retrospect, I am rather surprised that I was not stopped at the border, particularly as I must have looked a demon, sweat drenching my hide, pistons blurred in a full gallop, fear more than evident in my orbs. Even now, I shiver as I think of what might have happened, had I not found Thor.

Thor. A slight smile plays across sleepy lips. I remembered how he had calmed me, before, and how he had spoken to me after. I remembered how he looked at me. I had been met with so much disgust in my admittedly short life that his acceptance of me for who I was, his affection, made me feel cleansed, reborn. If our feelings were not love, then at the very least we shared an unexplainable connection. I close plain brown eyes for a moment, picturing him in my mind's eye. For a moment, all is right.

But then, I remember that I am a trespasser, and I am pulled back to reality. Calling from memory, I think of the leader of the World's Edge. A black equine named Mirage, I believe. I had never met her, only heard of her terrifying powers and excellent leadership. And her beliefs in equality. In that, at least, she and I shared a common belief. Perhaps, since I am already here, I can simply seek her out. After all, she is rumored to accept anyone, and although I have a home - I guiltily push thoughts of the Throat from my mind - I feel that my place is by Thor. My home.

Ironically enough, it does not take long for me to come across another. Her pelt is black as night, and I wonder if this is the fabled DragonHeart. I approach shyly, unsure how I will be received. Still, it cannot hurt to try, and I can't imagine she would turn me away. Would she? "Excuse me," I said, gentle tones hesitant. "But are you Mirage?" I halt a respectful distance away and bow my head in greeting. And then I wait.

[OOC | ...... well this is a horrible post. :| ]


"talk"

If love is surrender, then whose war is it anyway?

I was never comfortable talking to those of higher rank than I; I felt as though they judged my every move, as though my life balanced precariously on the end of a thread, held in their teeth. Throughout my life, I had been regarded with mistrust at the very least, and suspicion at the worst - I had not cause to think that the DragonHeart would be any different. Still, I had to speak with her - if I desired entrance into the herd, if I wanted to be by Thor's side, I would have to. And that was what I wanted - wasn't it?

There was a strange magic about her, and I mean that in the most literal way possible. For a brief moment, the ebon mare's entire shape melted away, shifting and churning into a blur. I closed my eyes. Headaches are a danger for me, threatening to bring on an episode of madness. I tend to avoid them. When my plain chocolate orbs opened again, there she was, whole and unmoving, watching me with eyes that were not unkind. But then, perhaps she was only a particularly clever actress, waiting for me to make a mistake before sending me on my way.

"My name is Tamira," I told her, my voice still shy, withdrawn. I was nervous, but I hoped she wouldn't see. Suddenly I realized that I hadn't a clue where to start; would I have to tell her about my affliction? Or could I stumble around it? After all, I didn't even know how to describe it. Thor would have known, but I didn't. "I... well, I was - am - a member of the Dragon's Throat, you see, but I was rather hoping that I might be allowed to join your herd instead?" My voice was anxious, lifting at the end into a question.

I was almost sure that she would question my motives - after all, I must have seemed quite shady, barging so deeply into her territory, asking for acceptance. I simply hadn't thought about it the night before, so deeply rooted was my terror at the impending blackout. Nor had I thought to backtrack in the morning, approach from a border, wait for a guard. Stupid, I told myself, watching the fae's bonded - a golden dragon - with interest. I had never seem the like, and it was quite the distraction from my incoherent thoughts. Sun gleamed off the scales, blinding me if it hit at the right angles, but still I watched, almost entranced, though my auds remained pricked toward Mirage.


"talk"

If love is surrender, then whose war is it anyway?

I was very afraid, and I hoped that she could not sense it. I was afraid that she would reject me, I was afraid that she would find out my secret, that I would be forced to tell her my secret. Would she think less of me for it? Would she look down on me like so many others had, call me a freak and cast me out? Worse, would she watch me with pity in her eyes? Escort me to the borders and send me on my way? Would she tell Kri of my affliction so she could laugh from afar as I lost that home, too? Would I be alone and on the run again, destined to forever avoid family, affection, love?

I watched as an eyebrow raised, and I was unsure if it was confusion or judgment. Her words did not clarify: "What lies in your heart, Tamira?" I swallowed, hard, wishing that I could become very small very quickly. Never before had I felt so naked, so open, so easily read. It was terrifying. More than that, I had never felt compelled to tell someone of my illness, never wanted someone's approval. But something in the quiet, wise way that she held herself, something in the meaningful question - only one - that she asked, made me feel as though maybe, just maybe, I could trust this femme dressed in black.

Or maybe I was making a grave mistake.

Truth is better than lies, I tell myself. I had already laid everything on the line; what did I have to lose? "Fear," I answer her question, and my lyrics ring with honesty. But simply that would not be enough, I knew, and so I continued: "I came here last night looking for Thor, you see, he's the only one who... well, I suppose that's jumping ahead. Um. I'm sorry, I don't... I'm not... I, um, I..." I paused, took a breath, calmed my nerves. When I spoke next the tremor had left my voice, though it was still small, unsure.

"I have been cursed since birth with an illness of the mind, you see. I'm not sure exactly what the nature of it is, but there are times when I lose myself, and I can't remember what I've done. No one has ever understood it, and they feared it, well, me, before I came here. I never told anyone in the Dragon's Throat, but you have to understand, I thought they would make me leave - I'm not convinced that you won't make me leave, begging your pardon, but... truth is all we have, really, isn't it?

"I can feel a blackout coming, you see, I get horrible headaches and I know... so when I got a headache in the Throat, I slipped across the borders and went and hid somewhere. Or tried to, anyway. I went to the Deep Forest, and I met Thor. And he... stayed with me. When I came to my senses, he was there, and he comforted me, and I think he... I think he made it better, but I can't explain how..." I didn't think I was making any sense, but on I went. "So last night, when I felt another headache coming on, I ran here, looking for him, hoping that maybe... maybe he could help.

"And he did, I think. It wasn't as long as normal, and I... woke up, for lack of a better term, a lot faster than I would have alone, and... well, I don't have anything against the Throat, you see, but I think... I think that Thor will help me. I think he can help me get better. I don't want to leave the Throat," my voice was laced with frustration by then. "They gave me a home and that's more than anyone else ever did." Perhaps there was bitterness as well. I realized that I had spoken a good deal more than I had in a very long time and suddenly, I withdrew back into my shell. Would she cast me out? Or could I stay?


"talk"

If love is surrender, then whose war is it anyway?

I held my breath, though I was unaware of doing so. What would she think of me? Would I be judged for trying to leave the Throat? And would it be right to judge me? Guilt seeped into my mind, for Midas had been nothing but kind to me during my time there; still, Thor had been kinder still, providing me with someone to rely on, no matter the situation or the cost. I could lie to myself and say that I was trying to come here for love, but in truth, I needed stability desperately. If I could not depend on my own mind, then I would find someone on whom I could thoroughly rely. And I had, hadn't I? Didn't I have to do what was best for me? And once I was healed, once I was alright, then wouldn't I be able to help others? I did want to be helpful, of course, but you must understand - how was I to be of use when I was so undependable? So broken?

Finally she spoke, pushing my worries to the side. "If you truly wish to stay, you may stay, Tamira." A feeling of relief washed through me, though her next words brought with them a cold chill. "I will speak to Kri - the Throat are our allies, and while I will not reveal what you have told me today to another soul without your permission, I will need to provide her with an explanation." I pondered her words for a moment, but there was really no way around it; Kri would have to know why I left. I would not have anyone thinking less of me (though gods know I deserved it) if I could prevent it. "Perhaps... perhaps I should talk to Kri?" I offered, unsure. "The only explanation for my actions is the truth, and... well... I don't really know Kri, to be honest, Mirage. Midas brought me to the Throat. He was really the only one to talk to me..." I trailed off.

"But she does deserve an explanation, and I should be held accountable for leaving. I think... well, shouldn't she hear it from me?" I wasn't really sure how these things went. Leadership had never been in my sights; I did not possess the necessary skills. If Mirage thought it best that she spoke with Kri, then perhaps I should not question it - but then again, I had an odd feeling in the back of my mind that I should be responsible, should step up and take care of things myself. After all, I could not always depend on others to do things for me, could I? "I do hope we are able to help you - you need not fear me, Tamira. Ask anything of me, and I shall do my best to provide, if it is within my means." I swallowed, a lump suddenly in my throat. "Welcome home." She was the first to speak those words to me, the first to accept me despite my affliction (Thor had been forced into it, it would seem to me). "Thank you," I whispered. My allegiance was won; I knew then that I would not leave the Edge. It was home.


[OOC | Can she be a nurse, please? :3]


"talk"

If love is surrender, then whose war is it anyway?