the Rift


[Judge] let's play a bloody game [Midas]

Note Posts: 183
Hidden Account
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 15.3hh :: 6 years Buff: NOVICE
Sabel :: Iberian Lynx :: Stormcall bry
#1
[Image: 50ceb46754fc8]



Silver hooves beat down in the snow, lightly treading over the frosty blanket beneath the pegasus stallion who they belonged to. The air was cold, rigid, but the faded bay didn't mind. It filled him with new found strength, clearing his head, settling his thoughts. The Note's sharp green eyes were cold, his muscles pulling and tensing under his slick coat as his breathing started to shallow.

The trip from the Throat to the Steppe was a long one, but Note still wasn't comfortable with anyone seeing his scar, therefor, he kept it hidden under his lengthy wings, never allowing him flight. He travelled on land, his wings serving no more purpose than to hide his ugly disfiguration across his body. Strangely enough, all of his other scars faded into nonexistence.

Note slowed his brisk walk to a halt, pulling his neck up, closing his trenchant eyes, his body preparing for battle. He understood it was a teaching spar, nothing more. He would do his best to draw no blood, but simply tone his skills leftover from his battered childhood. Note knew nothing but killing - it was all he had ever been good at. After he was free from the stallion who had captured him as a foal, he had no reason to kill anymore. He let his muscles weaken, his skills fall short as they were never put to use. He felt limited, the power he had had only two years ago was gone.

The stallion's eyes flickered open, a shaky sigh withdrawing from his maw. He tossed his mane to the side so it fell evenly along the left side of his nape. Note had always done that before a spar, his weight shifting and his eyes turning a dark emerald.

Note grinned, his breath ending in a puff of icy haze, as he turned to Midas. He didn't grin because he was trying to be cocky, or anything of the sort, he grinned in an attempt to reassure himself. His skills were lost to him, all he could do now was hope to find them within himself.

[ 2 attack posts each, closing defense to the first attacker.
Setting in the Frostbreath Steppe, morning, around 10 or 11 o' clock. ]

Ascended Helovian

Midas the Gallant Posts: 1,164
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: Immortal :: Soul is 7 (FF) Buff: HUNTER
Fina :: Common Zephyr :: Phoenix & Wakiya & Neve :: Common Zephyr :: Arctic Angel
#2
Another day. Another soldier to be trained. This was becoming repetitive and only serving to increase anxiety over time being lost, when my attention was obviously needed for more important strife. Problems like hunting down that savage beast that dared to leave a scar upon my baby boy a few weeks back. It was mind blowingly frustrating to know that a decent amount of time had passed without a single lead or hint that would lead me to sought quarry. The beast took to shadow as a friend of darkness, hiding with tail tucked between hocks for comfort. Horn dripping with poison and a mimicking forked tongue…”let the coward hide," I thought through gritted teeth.

We would meet again—of that I was certain.

Duty called, and I was under the obligation to answer. Duty also required that this General travel halfway across Helovia, miles from home—to fight among the snow and ice. Lord help me. Why in the name of Earth did we have to spar in the most desolate location around? The sun hadn’t risen when I was forced from a rather warm bed to take wing into a diamond lite sky. With each heavy stroke, this chilled body drew closer to our frigid meeting spot…though the comfort of arrival did nothing to lighten a grim mood.

Note, was the name of the boy I would face off with today. I called him a boy internally, yet knew nothing personal of this lad. We hadn’t had a chance to cozy up to each other yet, and I had only seen his face in passing between border patrols. Instantly the knowledge, or lack of, sent a pang of realization that succeeded in prying a few ounces of guilt from a strained soul.

Really…it was shameful that my knowledge ended at a glance. Well, that was sure to change. We would meet as brothers, and with any luck a stronger tie would be fashioned within both minds by the end of it.

I approached from on high, shadowing earth just as the first kisses of sunlight began to warm my frosty hide. A pale blue sky ignited with all the colors of fire, lavender and burnt redishorange. Those were the same hues of my little phoenix, which had been unwillingly left behind for tending Cera reasons. It was shortly after this that I noticed a winged lad below. His mocha pelt stood out, almost as sorely as I would when placed up against an icy permafrost backdrop.

Despite being in foul mood from having risen early and flown halfway across the world, I forced a smile upon face to show that I was happy to be here. Body tilted forward until ground drew near and willing frame landed at a sprint. Thrusting daggers kicked up loose particles of snow and ice until I skid to a stop, breath surged a blast of fog that I would swear froze little droplets upon nose moments after leaving mouth. Feathers were shut with abrupt motion, eager to maintain some amount of warmth against my skinned hide. Winter pelt had long since been shed, which left flesh bare of protection against icy wind.

Turning and finding my composure along the way, I finally regarded my new opponent with fresh eyes. Now instead of simply passing a glance, I took in the curve and size; noting that he held height over me and possible strength. Those muscles weren’t something that green soldiers often flaunted early on, “Good morning, brother,” words shot out, not unkind, but a little snippy because each syllable had a noticeable shiver behind it.

This cold was despicable.

“Shall we begin and perhaps warm ourselves in the process?”

His height. His strength. This damn cold. Didn’t lower morale, in fact it made me widen tense beam until ebony features threatened to break apart. This was a test, like all things; and one that I intended to pass with flying colors.

OCC: Post (0/2)

Attack:

Defense:

Injuries:

[Image: 5388c9b80fe59]

Note Posts: 183
Hidden Account
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 15.3hh :: 6 years Buff: NOVICE
Sabel :: Iberian Lynx :: Stormcall bry
#3
[Image: 50f4feb8c0907]



N o t e

“Good morning, brother,” Midas spoke. His words were curt, but knowledgeable, almost relaxing Note, yet amusing him at the same time. By the snap in the general's voice, he obviously despised the cool air, while Note was more than happy to be there. The polar opposite feelings certainly weren't going to give anyone the upper hand in the spar. Note was at home in the icy wonderland that surrounded him as the two stallions beamed like maniacs, giving Midas a nod and an angelic laugh.

He studied the general intently, his sharp green eyes devouring his short, but compact body. Midas was muscular, no doubt in his mind that the stallion would most likely win this spar. The realization of this didn't break Note's spirit, it almost aroused him. Challenges were fun, but he wasn't competitive. He just wanted practice. Practice was good, it would prepare him for further battles as well as (hopefully) awaken the talents that Note had let sleep for so terribly long.

“Shall we begin and perhaps warm ourselves in the process?” The shorter stag spoke once more. "Of course," Note spoke, his breath unfurling in a huff that was visible in the chilling, palpable air. He tucked his neck, pulling his chin close to his dusty nape as he charged at Midas. Note skidded to halt as he reared, snow flying around the pair in a flurry of delicate flakes.

Note leaned his head down to bite at Midas' throat latch, as his hooves started to rake down the general's sides, his eyes turning an even deeper shade of wicked emerald, almost onyx. He felt different in this spar than when he had sparred in other lands. Maybe it was because this one was all in good fun? Note was uncertain about this new perspective of fighting, all he had ever been told to do while fighting was, "kill or be killed, you waste of space."

[ OCC: Post 1/2
Attack: Biting at Midas' throat latch, front legs pawing at his sides
Defense: Neck tucked
Injuries: None ]

Ascended Helovian

Midas the Gallant Posts: 1,164
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: Immortal :: Soul is 7 (FF) Buff: HUNTER
Fina :: Common Zephyr :: Phoenix & Wakiya & Neve :: Common Zephyr :: Arctic Angel
#4

“Of course.”

Such a gentleman. Let the games begin!

My smile dissipated when he lunged, to my eyes this boy appeared as an angry bull charging blindly forward. Ears slithered along ash pole, where they would likely stay for the remainder of this fight. Compacted hindquarters tensed in readiness to move either way the passionate boy went; though, instead of going left or right… much to my dismay he chose to skid and rear up. This move wasn’t a new one so it didn't surprise.

Note was just frustratingly taller. Which by nature’s decree left me at a disadvantage; I shifted weight backwards and rose to meet his musky front half with my own, knowing full well that I wouldn’t be able to overpower this attack.

Loose particles of permafrost flew up in his wake, it fell harmlessly around us.

Our bodies met, scents combined and forelimbs flailed, his forelegs wrapped around shoulders like a powerful vice that stole breath and threatened to push body toward earth. I didn’t have time to gasp or moan about the discomfort this was causing stiff thighs, flashing teeth found their mark across the butt of my muzzle when I thrust face toward attempt at his fleshy neck. My ivory’s were bare and his flesh was so close, I inhaled sharply and pushed with every muscle along my barrel—down to rear hocks, in hopes of gaining inches required for a quick strike.

It didn’t take long before limbs grew tired of this stance. Struggling to break our togetherness I jerk to the right, his left, and fall forward. Not bothering to stop and admire my partner’s massive width, I plowed on along his left side as fast as this body is able. My left hindfoot kicks out in passing, dagger aiming to possibly hit anything ahead of his croup; while snow laced tail swings up to strike at a face that could be closing in on a vulnerable rump.

OCC: Post (1/2)

Attack:

Defense:

Injuries:

[Image: 5388c9b80fe59]

Note Posts: 183
Hidden Account
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 15.3hh :: 6 years Buff: NOVICE
Sabel :: Iberian Lynx :: Stormcall bry
#5
[Image: 50f4feb8c0907]



N o t e

Feeling Midas' head wrap around his own in an attempt to bite at his own throat, Note swung his head to knock the smaller pegasus' own out of the way. It was stronger than he had originally intended, unaware of his own strength. A small buzz sparked upon his muzzle, but didn't last for long before the general was forcing them upon the ground.

His hooves hit the ground with a small thud as even more of the delicate flakes flew up in a flurry around them. It was getting annoying to have the firn always fluttering around, but this only added to Note's growing strength inside of him. Maybe you could call it confidence? Or was there something much darker awakening in the stallion?

Midas streaked pass his side, thrusting out his hoof as well. Annoyance radiated off of Note as he launched himself forward and away from his attacks, the stallion's hoof barely grazing his wing, and taking one of his dull burnished feathers along with it. The gentle pluck of the loose feather didn't faze Note much as he spun, bucking in hopes of hitting the ebony and alabaster stallion as well as block any oncoming attacks.

Note sprang onto his back with a little help from his wings. He spread them apart momentarily, not even caring if the other stallion caught a glimpse his gruesome scar. He aimed for Midas' livid rump, his hooves set to slice through his skin, staying behind the stallion as well as away from his thick wings. The last thing Note wanted was to get hit in the face by those gold and chalky feathers.

[ OOC: Post 2/2
Attack: Bucking, hoof-strike of doom. (i don't know what to call it)
Defense: ]

Ascended Helovian

Midas the Gallant Posts: 1,164
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: Immortal :: Soul is 7 (FF) Buff: HUNTER
Fina :: Common Zephyr :: Phoenix & Wakiya & Neve :: Common Zephyr :: Arctic Angel
#6

Luckily this skirmish was keeping body warm enough so that I didn’t feel entirely frozen. Only my nose felt tender, and had started to complain about frigid temperatures by drooling a little. Sadly, I couldn’t help notice that my speed and endurance also seemed restrained as well, even with all this movement to help keep muscles toasty.

Limbs felt numbed almost, slower than normal.

Which that was frustrating, but at the same time it happened to be a blessing in disguise. Because, fighting in an environment that was out of my comfort zone made for a great lesson in adaptation, and would surely help me grow to be a better General. Pushing out the endurance I knew was within these bones, my memory flashed me an image of a previous fight that happened not so long ago.

A different soldier, same place. Sierra had chosen this barren world to be her battleground as well. As Note fell behind me, a plan began to form in honor of that flashback.

Instead of his breath along my rump, I catch in my peripheral vision the alarming sight of his hindquarters shifting to meet my ass with something more than teeth.

The faintest hint of a smile flicks my lips upward; this gentleman surely wasn’t going to disappoint, which meant….neither could I. Coal black forelimbs lock my knees together, swiftly readying the joints for a defensive strike. Just as my taller friend lifts butt to produce a damaging blow, my thighs sling hindlegs from earth in a full out buck. Neck and shoulders bunch up to absorb shock. Hope rests on my hooves hitting something other than naked sky.

Timing had been everything, and apparently I was a little off, because one foreign backhoof stings a path along the right side of my left hock. Golden hooves collide with hard ground once more, jarring wound a little and causing me to reflectively twitch. Head rises only to fall again and bring rear back up in a slightly lesser rebound. A warning halfbuck was all I gave him after the full. Struck leg stings a little, but features wouldn’t show this outwardly beyond the flinch; besides, a little scratch was really nothing to get worked up over.

It would seem his feet were sharp enough though.

If blood wasn’t rushing throughout my body before, it surely is now. Each wave is warming but also causing ears to ring when I land from the second rebound. Gathering balance with haste, my wings unfurl to start the first phase of plan A. The action is nearly regretted as barrel instantly cools and causes a wave of shivers to wash over this body. Resisting the urge to close them is perhaps the hardest challenge I've been faced with this morning. Unfortunately their blanketing warmth is useless when one wants to get to heaven.

Calling again on endurance learned from other battles, I leap forward to put some distance between myself and this looming beast of a man.

Strongly beating feathered appendages down in unison I am airborne just as Note begins to rise up. A cloud of loose snow and frost fly into the air, but it's angled in the wrong direction to be any good as an attack.

Thankfully my smaller size and compact body of muscle allows for an easy ascend. It would be much harder for a bulkier stud to take flight from ground so quickly

Perhaps I had caught him off-guard, and if I was lucky. This move would piss his frost loving head off.

Angling in a tight circle to face Note fully, I tried to use the eastern sun at my back to blind some of these next few movements. Body had only risen ten or so feet from ground, and I had to work hard to maintain the distance. Lips gaped open and forelimbs poised to strike. With rearlimbs tucked toward my groin, I lunged while pushing with every ounce of anger and pent up frustration that was within this soul. My aim was for his spine or rear with my hooves, while neck twisted in passing to catch a mouthful of mane.

OCC: Post (2/2)
Attack:
Defense:
Injuries:

[Image: 5388c9b80fe59]

Note Posts: 183
Hidden Account
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 15.3hh :: 6 years Buff: NOVICE
Sabel :: Iberian Lynx :: Stormcall bry
#7
[Image: 50ceb46754fc8]



Note's hooves landed squarely in the snow, slipping, but remained standing. He was panting, looking over his shoulder for the general. 'Where could he be now?' Note thought frustratingly, his long forelock falling into his eyes as he tucked his neck.

Snow was everywhere, blurring his vision. Note's emerald gaze searched the area for any signs of his opponent, but saw nothing through the ivory flakes. Anger burned inside of him, which he knew was wrong. It was wrong to feel such a burning for your own herd mate, so Note did his best to calm himself as he continued to seek Midas out, but remained still, only his eyes moving.

Oh. There he was. The general was coming straight towards him through the frost, no doubt aiming for his spine. Without thinking, Note threw his head away from Midas, bringing his mane with him. He didn't escape his snapping jaws soon enough, the burning pull of his hair being plucked from his nape. Not much had gone, barely a lock, but it still stung.

He dove away from the gold hooves as well, throwing up his wing to block the general from his spine. Hooves raked upon his wings as Note reared away, two or three of his precious feathers tearing out of his wing.

Note was done, and he could feel that Midas was too.

[ OOC: Defense Post
Attack: N/A
Defense: ]


Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#8




N o t e | M i d a s
- - - - -
By my verdict MIDAS is the winner.

NOTE -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: bite
- 1| Power Play: “as his hooves started to rake down the general’s sides…” some re-wording would make this a non-power play, but as it stands you do not give Midas the option to take the hit or not.
+ 1| Attack: rear

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

MIDAS -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: rear
+ 1| Defense: knocked by forehooves
+ 1| Defense: chin bitten
+ 1| Attack: neck bite
+ 1| Attack: kick
+ 1| Attack: tail slap

[Prose]
0| Emotion – very dry and technical post
+ 1| Flow
- 1| Easy read – you leave out pronouns, like: my, his, the etc.

NOTE -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: no mention of Midas’ hooves during that rear?
+ 1| Defense: bitten on muzzle
+ 1| Attack: head slam – you’ve backtracked a bit too far with this attack, as the scenario between them during rearing has since ended, and now Midas has to backtrack doubly to include it in his next post.
+ 1| Defense: nicked by kick
- 1| Attack: buck – the position doesn’t make sense here, you leaped forward to avoid the last attack, with Midas already running away from you, so how does just spinning around make your buck in range?
- 1| Defense: no mention of the tail slap – even if it misses entirely, please state so.
- 1| Attack: hoof to rump – How did you go from bucking to now close enough to paw at Midas’ rump while he’s running? You’re standing still too much and need to describe moving to follow your opponent’s movements.

[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read – some confusing areas

MIDAS -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: buck hits hock – it doesn’t make any sense that you were running, then saw him begin to buck and stopped to buck back. That’d take a lot of damage and this could have been fully avoided, the positioning is all sorts of weird here.
+ 1| Attack: buck counter-strike
- 1| Defense: you mention Note’s hoof attack, but nothing in regards to hitting or missing
+ 1| Attack: sun blind
+ 1| Attack: flying dive – with nothing to push off in the air and you only being barely off the ground, this attack will not have much force. Greater height and you falling lets momentum build from gravity to make it more powerful, or pushing off from a solid object, but otherwise the power of aerial attacks is less.
+ 1| Attack: bite

[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
- 1| Easy read – pronouns!

NOTE -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: dives away from hooves
- 1| Injury: having a horse’s body dive onto your wing would do more than take a few feathers off
+ 1| Defense: hair bitten


NOTE

[Bonus]
+ 2| Surroundings

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You have some good attacks and defenses, but I’m not sure you fully get the timing and positioning of it all. Sometime drawing it out can help you visualize better, and watching actual horses fight will help you get a sense of the timing and flow. This fight was only maybe a couple minutes, so everything happens quick. I liked the emotion in your posts but would love to see more! Keep up the good work :)

MIDAS

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed
+ 2| Surroundings
+ 1| Health

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| I liked your trick with the sun.

Comments: As usual fantastic job with the attacks and defenses, but I need emotion from you! Midas reads like a robot in fights, which isn’t helped by the absence of pronouns, which not only makes it much more difficult to read and understand, but makes it so much less personal feeling. Great job with surroundings and breed mentions though!

TOTAL
NOTE - 58
MIDAS - 63


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


Forum Jump:


RPGfix Equi-venture