Sleep leaves slowly, like mist evaporating under the heat of the sun. It is a comfortable, creeping awakening that had a ghost of a smile on Tolio’s boyish face. Sunlight peeks through the canopy of the trees, making patterns of shadows that don’t belong to their bodies naturally. It slid over his eyelids, warmed his body in a caress. The dull light invades closed eyes, slowly waking him with persistent increases in light. With a long, soft sigh one eye slowly is revealed. Blinking sleepily, mercury irises glazed with sleep that lingers like some sticky substance on his brain. Yawn takes him by surprise and both eyes pop open, though lids are heavy and stubborn against the process of consciousness. Looking around, Tolio quickly recognized the scenery of the Grove. Memories trickled in and the happiness and love outweighed the pain of remembering the fight he’d had with Phaedra. Speaking of, he turned his head to look upon her sleeping visage. Smile softened with love that was shining visibly out of his face. It glowed in his eyes, poured from every inch of him. He loved her. He loved Phaedra, and he could see that now. Gently he extended his muzzle to brush the softness of her pale cheek, exhaling softly and inhaling her scent. Lips brushed up under her eye to her ear, where he murmured softly. ”Phaedra…wake up…” Continuing the gentle motions, caressing her neck and mane with his maw. Rubbing her, encouraging her to awaken and rise.

With this time to himself, he began to think. Every thought that had been pushed to the very crevices of his mind started spilling out, reminding him of the severity of the situation. Glowing face darkened; horror and denial two direct emotions that appeared. There was no way he could hide his relationship with Phaedra from Psyche and the others. Her scent would cling to him no matter what, and even if he washed his coat every time he left to visit her, would Phae be content with them only meeting in secrecy? He didn’t want her to feel like his dirty little secret, because she was anything but. She was the light in his darkening world, the love that sealed the cracks in his heart like glue. Faelene may keep him strong, but Phaedra kept his morals straight. She was the one that made sure he never changed, that he remained Tolio, and only Tolio. She loved him despite knowing he was gay, had wrapped his heart in her golden love and embraced it fiercely. Phaedra was important to him. She had taken a chunk of his heart, and sewed a piece of hers into it. It would remain there forever. She was worth the world to him…could he really put his entire world in danger? If the Basin found out…would they kill her? Harm her? Use her against him to make him do things that would go against his every moral? He would do anything they asked him to if they so much as whispered the idea of harming her. He would spill blood, go against everything his nature told him to do to keep Phaedra safe. Nothing, absolutely nothing would harm her. Not while there was still strength in his body. Even if he had to crawl along his knees, so long as his love for Phaedra remained in his heart he would keep her safe. Either directly or indirectly. She was ingrained into his heart, which meant that she would be protected forever. Only interference of the Gods themselves could make him turn against her, and the thought made anger and refusal surface fast enough to dizzy him.

And…what if she ended up having children? Tolio wasn’t an idiot, but he also knew that it was quite possible she hadn’t conceived. Secretly he wished she had. She was the only female he had ever loved, and would most likely be the only one. He would never accept the love of another woman, for Phaedra was the only exception to his basic nature. No mare could ever replace Phaedra. Having children with her…it would be a dream come true. Tolio had wanted children for as long as he’d existed. He’d simply had that inborn trait that came with natural parenting. It had shone through when he’d met Frost Fyre, Leyra’s daughter. She was so precious to him, and if Phaedra could give him children, she would give him everything he had ever wanted. But the joy of having children came with a price. What if they were born with Phaedra’s blood, and became pegasi? They would be unsafe in the Basin. Even if born with a horn, he could never bring his child into the Basin for fear of someone finding out that he’d had them with a Pegasus. And what if they used his child against him too? It made him feel sick, weak.

He couldn’t stay in the Basin. If they ever found out about Phaedra…no. He couldn’t let them hurt her. He wouldn’t let them. But that also meant he couldn’t stay with his princess…heart jumped into throat and tears appeared at the realization. If he exiled himself from the Basin, they would be enraged. Staying around Phaedra, should they try and find him again, would endanger her. Why? Why does this have to happen? Why do I have to give up the one I love the most, directly after realizing I wish to be with her forever? Why must I hurt her once again, even if it means she will survive? Tolio nudged her gently, hiding the agony carefully. Whispering to her, urging her into the real world and away from the dream world of sleep.

I love you, Phaedra. I will always love you. But I love you enough to know that I have to let you go. For your safety, I will do anything. Even if it means you will hate me after this.

I’m sorry, Phaedra.