Phaedra.

The name brings both a wave of immense love and sharp pain, knowing he had to leave her behind in order to protect her. And Zikar-Sin, the stallion he had found himself unexpectedly crushing on. How could his heart stand to lose the both of them? He kept telling himself it was for their own good, but it didn't stop the throbbing pain that resounded throughout the very marrow of his bones with every heartbeat. He had left the Grove, had left Phaedra. Now, he didn't care to even figure out where he was. It would be easy, but he simply couldn't care anymore. So when he heart singing, he was rather surprised. Before he could even think of walking towards the sound a harsh yell met his listeners. Asking who he was in a rather unfriendly manner, which wasn't so strange to him considering he lived in the Basin. You won't soon, his mind taunted him. Sighing he listened as she called out again, sounding unsure and rather emotional. Stepping forward he revealed himself, bloody chestnut bodice gleaming in the sunlight. Flickering up the ivory of his horn. Tall lean form moved towards her so she could see him completely. "If it makes you feel good, do not apologize for it. So long as it makes you happy, nobody has the right to judge you for it." He felt rather hypocritical saying that, as he couldn't do the same with his love. But he said it with a smile, showing he meant her no harm and came as a friend.

Two more steps before he stopped, a polite but friendly distance away from her. He didn't know her, but she seemed to be rather conflicted emotionally. He could understand that, considering his own situation, and sympathized with her. "I am Tolio. May I ask your name, Miss?" His mother had drilled into him the manners of a gentleman, and he smiled again as he asked her. You could win people with kindness, and encouraging those with foul mouths only let them win. Tolio saw no downside with being polite if she had done nothing wrong to him. He may be a soldier, but he became a completely different person off the battlefield. It happened in quite a lot of cases, though it seemed to be lacking in the Basin. They were as frigid as their homeland on and off the battlefield.

All that came of his advice was a feeble nod of her crown. Tolio didn't mind, it was her decision whether or not to take his words to heart. He probably wasn't one to be giving out advice, considering his own past and even current experiences. Her smile seemed to come out in response to his own, that remained in a rather silly manner on his face. He wasn't one to be very manly, Phaedra was really the only one who could bring that side out of him. The thought made his heart ache. She really was the exception, the only one who could change him the way she did. He hated to think of her, for it hurt so badly, but he loved her too much to let her go completely from his mind.

His name rolled off her tongue, contemplating the dips of his title through speech. Though Tolio didn't see how his name could be 'interesting'. When she gave her own though he could see that hers, too, was interesting. "Pleasure to meet you, Angora." Crown dipped slightly and he smiled at her genuinely. Words caught him off guard and he stared at her in confusion. What in the world? Her tone, it seemed familiar, but he just couldn't place it. It reminded him of Phaedra somehow, but it just wouldn't fit. So he just shrugged internally and smiled obliviously at her. "Thank you, Angora. Your name is quite pleasant on the tongue as well." Not sure what she was insinuating, though he felt he was missing something.

Tolio was grateful that the flinch he felt inside his mind did not transfer to his body physically. Somehow, impossibly, he managed to keep a calm smile and not show that her questions had just crushed his insides. "I do have a herd, though I do not have a love. I am merely wandering, getting space for my thoughts." It made his heart shrivel and die to say that he did not have a love. Phaedra and Zikar-Sin passed through his mind and made his knees weak, made him want to cry, but he remained strong.

It's easy enough for the mare to thank him, and Tolio responds to it physically over verbally, shy almost mischievous grin coming to white lips. She seems a decent enough person, and therefore provides rather good company. Angora, whether she knew it or not, was also providing him with a distraction from the abyss of thoughts and horrors that lingered in his mind. Listeners moved to catch the flow of her words, mercury irises concentrated upon her feminine face. Soft giggle escaped him when she admitted to finding most annoying, head nodding in a mildly agreeing manner. "It's true, I'm afraid. Many are shallow or hope only to gain more ground for themselves..." snow flickered in vision that was nowhere near the winter lands at her next words. Handsome white blue eyes faded into mind's eye, lean black bodice and awkward adorable responses. Zikar-Sin...I wish you had never met me... Heart squeezed in his ribcage. The lovable, awkward soul would inevitably be drawn down into the flames as Tolio burned to ashes for sake of love and desperation. He did not deserve to burn with him, and Tolio would not let him. Lids fell closed tightly, pain drawing over his face. "It is...complicated, Angora. It is a tale of forbidden love, sacrifice, and bad decisions. We all have our skeletons, and mine is kept beneath my skin. I can't shove it away into my mind, for I am my own skeleton. Wherever I go, Angora, I burn. I hurt. Never have I had bad intentions and yet, I seem to draw innocent souls into situations that will harm them. It is easy for me to believe that the Gods have willed me to never love without loss or another chunk being taken from the remainders of my heart. Love is a dangerous thing, and I seem to dance along the flames far too often. Every time I get burned, scars and wounds that will never appear on mortal hide. Love is tricky, and beautiful, but I am meant to never taste its sweet essence." It killed him to say it, and face was pained and hard by the time he had finished. Tolio felt so old, so weary. When was the last time he had laughed? Hadn't felt like the world rested on his shoulders? When was the last time he had felt free, simply enjoyed being crazy and mischievous like he normally was? Had he truly changed so much? He managed a smile and a soft giggle as she spoke again, in that same tone he didn't understand and couldn't place. "Seems I'm not, sug. So what is your story? Being vague suits me, if you wish to follow my lead of course," he urged, wondering what it was that kept her from love. Angora had said she believed it came in time, but was she truthful? Or was it something she tried to believe in to hide the depth and pain of something far worse?

Brain couldn’t comprehend why she was acting as she did, neck arching and mane falling over her aureate canvas. It was almost as if she was displaying something, what it was he didn’t know. It was nearly frustrating, this naivety he was stuck with. What was it she wanted? Was that it? That she desired something from him? He had no idea what he could possibly give to her, if that was the case. She seemed so strange to him, acting the way she did and carrying on. Tolio wished she would just say whatever it was that was on her mind and stop confusing him, because it wasn’t very helpful the way she was being so impossible to handle. It was almost frustrating, for he felt as if she were speaking a language through her body, one that he couldn’t decipher and had never heard before. What was wrong with women?! Why couldn’t they just be straightforward? Everything had to be so complicated with them! See, this is exactly why he was gay!

Her gaze moved away from him and he breathed an internal sigh of relief. Gods he was so lost. Might as well collect himself and return to his thoughts while she did the same. He wanted to simply disappear. Phaedra practically hated him, leaving the way she did despite his own pain in saying what he’d had to. Damn her, then. If she wanted to be childish, thinking this didn’t hurt me too, then let her leave! It was not in the least true, of course. He still loved her, but they’d broken each other’s hearts enough to leave the both of them bitter. Tolio was doomed for love and he knew it. Why did he even try? It was foolish for him to think he could mean something to someone. Much less find someone else who was gay, despite his unnerving crush on a Basin stallion. Give it up, Tolio. You’re not going to go far. Chest ached from the pain of that thought. He was stuck, unmoving. How had it come to this? He had entered Helovia expecting a simple life with a partner at his side, and instead he’d been kicked around and crushed repeatedly. Life wasn’t as he’d expected.

Angora turned once more and silver blue eyes moved to find her visage in return. ”What has you hung, babe.” What? Hung? Confusion was clear on his face and he stared at her funny. Uncomprehending. Muzzle reached out to him and, not wanting to offend her, he returned the gesture in a completely friendly way before retreating. Not wanting to linger long, a bit uncomfortable with her sudden advances. Gaze was soft, almost adoring, and his own were wide and shocked. What in the world…? He longed for Faelene to be there, to explain this to him, or even Phaedra if he had to. Mares. What the hell. ”…I want you…” Tolio jerked back as if stung, taking a step back and giggling nervously, eyes darting around them. ”U-Uh…Miss Angora…I don’t think you understand…” Awkwardly looking at her, head raised and tilted away from her, nervous grin matching the unsteady laughter. ”I don’t prefer the company of mares, if you will,” hoping to Gods she got the hint and he didn’t have to just throw it in her face, trying to let her down easy.

[OOC: Permission granted for magic use]

Something about Angora had been off since I’d encountered her, but now I was getting a vibe from her that I really, really didn’t like. She didn’t react to my revelation as I had hoped, wanting her to back off and stop confusing me so deeply. ”I don’t think you understand, Tolio,” she says, and my guard is slamming up around me. Crimson ears pinned against my skull and I shied away as I felt the thrum of magic, so familiar from my experiences in the Basin. My mind was changing, warping, and I bared my teeth at the bitch; snow streaked plume slapped against my hocks. Eyes promising pain once this was over, for she wouldn’t get away with this. I fought as hard as I could, struggling with the magic I couldn’t get a hold over. Everything was going a bit colorful as if I wasn’t breathing, and idly I wondered if I even was. Angora’s words melted over me like warm honey and I found every muscle relaxing, stance straightening and face relaxing. Bloody listeners flicked forward as if desperate to capture every word she spoke, feeling myself move closer. It was like I was watching myself, unable to control my actions but still conscious of what was happening. Bodice heated slowly, as if uncomfortably warm. I’d never really felt lust before, only love, and it made me uncomfortable and achy. Blue frosted silver irises watched her, seductive grin feeling out of place on my face as I smiled. It was as if her appeal had tripled within seconds, and still I was screaming at myself and struggling from where I still had conscious thought. It was useless, and I was disgusted by the rancid bitch standing before me. Who the fuck had this kind of magic? Was she really so desperate to be bred? I believed in true love, and she was a home wrecker. Bitch, my mind hissed out, in a completely gay fashion that only made me hate her more. I normally was always a gentleman but once I regained my senses she was getting her head knocked in. What underhanded behavior.

”Of course you’re better Angora,” I found myself crooning. I wanted to ram my own horn through my chest. Multiple times. One more step closer and my snowy maw reached out to ghost over hers, flirting. A phantom of a touch, enticing her to either continue speaking or join in on my play. Inside, I was screaming. I love Phaedra and Zikar-Sin, not this wench! I would sooner cut off everything that made me a man than breed with her! She had been civil, kind enough when we had been simply conversing. In fact, I had wanted quite badly for us to be friends. But not anymore. She had bombed, burned, and disintegrated that bridge quite efficiently. I was not a toy, and I wished to break a foreleg and leave her damaged. It shocked me to have such violent thoughts, but it was a pure and raw anger. How dare she do this to me? It was dirty and disgusting, an invasion not only of privacy but of mind. Even so I moved closer and brushed my tail against her foreleg, winking at her. I didn’t know I had such seduction within me, and almost felt flustered at how I acted whether it was in my control or not. I slammed back against the barrier around me, as if she’d efficiently trapped me inside my own mind. My face faltered momentarily as I gained a bit of ground, anger flashing for a brief moment on my visage before the magic took hold once more. Encouraged, I fought it harder, and hoped to god nothing happened between her and this puppet of myself.

The magic is gone and he is left spinning, dazed. The anger is in full swing and he’s never wanted to fight someone as badly as he does Angora. He has taken on multiple mares, and doesn’t believe in the idea of stallions refusing to fight the other gender. In those few moments of freedom from her magic he is preparing himself, because he is so impossibly angry that she dared to control him with such sick immortal gifts. Who was so full of themselves that they wanted to make anyone they wanted fall in fake love with them? More than making him angry, it made him feel wrong and out of place in his skin. Such lustful emotions, he’d never felt them before. Despite many males thinking gays were tainted and lusted after every straight stallion alive, it wasn’t true. Tolio was surprisingly innocent and, even with Phaedra in the Grove, had been driven purely by instinct and raw love. Lust had never consumed him, and it made him feel wrong and weak.

Even so as she skitters back, submissive and ashamed, he cannot be angry. After all, who is he to judge her? People work magic in various ways, with or without gifts of the gods. Psyche had driven him to a type of schizophrenia without ever delving into magic. Angora looks so crestfallen that he can’t help but grudgingly forgive her. It’s not something he wants to do, but being angry isn’t going to help things either. The tears make him sigh, and he knows he won’t yell. He wants to, more than anything, but he is held back. She clearly understands that what she did was wrong, or she’s a fucking fabulous actor. Either way Tolio is swayed. ”I’m not going to order you away, Angora,” he sighed. Might as well stop her from leaving first or else she’d never stick around to hear him out. He didn’t know if he wanted her gone or not yet. ”It’s…it’s wrong for me to feel that way, understand? I’ve never felt such…dirty emotions, and you putting them inside me when it’s fake is what makes me angry. It makes me feel wrong and tainted, especially because I’m gay!”

And god why the hell can’t people understand that?! It seemed everywhere he turned there was some new mare trying to mess with him, and he kept getting dragged into their hormonal and emotional messes. For gods sake he was GAY! Gay gay gay! What the hell was it that lingered inside him that drew in so many unstable women?! He never once asked for them to flounce on him! He wanted a confident stallion that could make him swoon and instead he gets stuck with girls that seem hell bent on making him switch over to the straight side. It was actually rather scary once he got over the annoyance. ”So just…don’t do that. Ever. Go seduce as many straight stallions as you want, but I’m not your chewtoy. I like big hunky men, thank you,” he stated rather boldly, but a playful smile was weak on his lips. Tolio didn’t want her to be upset so he tried to make her laugh instead.