[ Okay. I am doing my teaching spars a bit differently just to experiment and see how this compares to the traditional. How it will work is you will post, I will make a critique, and then you have an opportunity to correct the mistakes I pointed out. This will present more of a challenge for me because I am typically on auto-pilot for training spars, but I also think that you will benefit more and learn more by being able to go back and see what you did and problem solve those situations knowing what was good and bad.

As always, if you are unclear about any point in this fight, feel free to shoot me a PM and we can talk it out.

A major problem I have with your post is the first large chunk, almost half, of this seems irrelevant. Look where your post starts compared to where your summary starts. This may be a bit awkward because my post was a lot of "before the fight" because it was still kind of intro, but you have the first post that should be centered mostly on the action. Here, you have two paragraphs that are still sort of backdrop that have been adequately set up in your previous post. Unnecessary fluff is okay if you are comfortably below the word limit, but when you are really FEELING THE FIGHTING FLOW, 800 words comes fast. Try to challenge yourself by keeping the fluff to a minimum, as the judge will appreciate a faster, cleaner fight as well. It's easier to judge a concise post.

I want to place a warning label on my last critique, though. Do not strip away the personal details so much that you lose Levi entirely. In this post, you have emotional and personality completely separated from the action by the dividing line of your fluff versus your movement. You will notice that on the rubric from your spar with Angel, she was hit hard with a critique on emotion. Emotion and prose are key elements, so being concise does not mean make your character a robot. It means make your emotion relevant to the fight. What are they feeling when they are trying to bite their ally? Do they feel anxious in the air?

For instance:
"Only for a moment, he was unable to see, but the rim of the sun remained in a blue circle as it traveled with the vision of his eye. Until he saw Kri coming at him, he had no clue where she had gone."
Here would be a great moment to mention panic. Would you be panicked if you knew Kri was coming after your ass but couldn't see her? I know I would be. xD How does Levi feel when he is blinded? Try to engage yourself in his emotions during the fight.

The next critique I have is more of mechanics, but this may or may not be my fault. I decided that I wanted to try an aerial fight with you because 1) they are more challenging than ground fights, 2) aerial techniques are useful when your main fighter is a pegasus, and 3) you are free to be more creative with attacks, which usually helps me get some extra points for creativity, but you can do so as well! However, I realize now that maybe it would have been best to start "ground level" so to speak, mainly because I am really wordy with my movements. I tend to throw really complex ideas about movement into one sentence, which I think you did not take in the way I had intended.

Kri is essentially dropping, and then continuing to fly vertically. Essentially, her head/neck would meet an extended wing, which I wanted her to kind of flip him sideways if her attack was successful. Here is a basic schematic. Remember that the sun is to the LEFT which is opposite the direction Levi is from her. This means that when Kri yields LEFT she is going away from Levi, toward the sun. If Levi had brought his wing down to his barrel, Kri would have missed it entirely, maybe being whacked over the head with it, actually. xD Why I would suggest not doing this is because when Kri kicks out now, her kick would probably hit his wing. /: YOU DO NOT WANT TO INJURE WINGS IN AN AERIAL FIGHT, WHICH IS 100+ FEET ABOVE THE GROUND. Lol.

Kri also would not have her neck close enough for Levi to bite. He could try for a back leg, but I typically warn not to bite at back legs unless your character wants to be kicked in the face.

"Aiming himself directly above her, the brute aimed a kick towards her back left thy." Spell check! But also, this phrase was troublesome to me. It read as powerplay to me, but the word aiming made me sort of iffy about it. Judges have pointed out in my training spars that I am a powerplaying nazi, but I really do not like when characters try to assume -my- position. You can say that Levi rises upward, trying to rise above Kri, but this seemed to place Kri into a more static position, which limits me in how I can interpret the situation. Also, as you can see from the schematic, her left thigh is more or less facing the ground, so make suuuuuuuuuuure you have directions right. It is better to NOT HAVE a direction than to put one that is wrong.

I would suggest that since Kri is kicking with downward force on Levi's shoulder, continuing to fly upward, that he would not be able to float above her as easily. You are more likely to catch her on the same plane, or I would probably do some acrobatic maneuver to avoid the kick and bring myself up above her. xDD IDK. It would be more realistic to have Levi fall a few paces and then come up after her like a bat out of hell. ;D

So, the quick version:
Work on incorporating emotion during your attacks/defenses.
Cut out some of the fluff.
Avoid sticky powerplay language. Be super generous to avoid it, if need be.
Draw out the battle. It can be an ugly little sketch, but make sure you know what is going on. ]

Please don't default this. I'd like to wait for Ava to come back. :D

I smirked with a slight chuckle as my dear leader, Kri, had told me I am such a gentleman. My silver orbs traced hers analyzing the Sultana’s masculine figure, watching to see if she might make any slight movement. It was all about the types of strategies and nothing more in my opinion. Everyone had a different kind of style in sparring, but it helped, at least, to teach one another how to adjust and learn. It was just then I could have sworn to feel the shift in the air. Cool Chills tingled down my spine like a spider crawling stingily down its stringed web as a sudden feeling of uneasiness collected in my stomach. Kri was known to never lose a fight, and I have fought many times, but usually they are not this experienced as she. My throat started to tighten and my muscles started to clench from the thought of Kri. I almost felt as though I was alone, but then again at the same time I felt doomed. I was frozen in fear for what seemed like eternity. Before I even knew what was happening the sun reflected its orangey illuminant rays into my pupils. Squinting, I strained to turn my face away from the blinding sun, looking DOWN. My vision was now stunned from the sun’s brilliant, but sinister rays. My wings still flapped at a steady beat, but my heart was racing with excitement. Clenching my jaw, the feeling got worse into my stomach now as though there was a storm dwelling inside. Tighter, my muscles squeezed, and quicker my heart raced. I felt hopeless as I grunted with anger waiting to regain my sight. With my eyesight being blinded, the only visions I had were in my mind. The stocky masculine figure of Kri was haunting me, hunting me down, and thirsting for my blood. Not even thinking about what my next move should be, I realized that I shouldn’t have underestimated her. It was only a few seconds that it had taken for my vision to come into view once again, but it felt like an endless sea of hours. Quickly the chocolate figurine was closing the gap between us and fast. Her ocean blue eyes seemed to taunt me as I prepared myself for her strike. A feeling of an abyss now reappeared in my stomach once again. As she flew to my RIGHT, I saw her back leg start to come towards my shoulder. I tried to shift my body towards the LEFT, slinking into my left wing as hard as I could.. Before I knew it, Kri’s stocky leg pressed against my right shoulder. I grunted in pain from the impact. My teeth grit with agitation, but I accepted the fact that it already happened. Her hoof felt like a sharp blade cutting into my shoulder’s flesh instantly. My heart was still beating fast from the entire thrill of the show, but soon enough I knew that I was going to set Kri’s heart beating. Now it was my turn… My square face appeared to be emotionless as I flew upwards, following the Sultana’s trail. Elevating myself, I flew higher into the atmosphere. Quickly I flapped my vulture wings with energy and strained myself to close the gap. The only thought that passed my mind was risky, but I figured it might be a good way to set my mood of the spar. I thought about it only for a few seconds before confirming my full attention to the technique. Taking a deep breath, I exhaled lessening my fearful emotions of Kri. When I felt confident enough, I flew to her RIGHT side to match her speed, but only for a second. Suddenly I dropped my right wing towards the ground and gracefully swung my weight towards the right as well and dipped downwards hoping to lower myself beneath her chocolate stomach. As I swooped on my way, I aimed both back legs for her stomach hoping to hit or stun her. Whether the strike hit her or not I pulled upwards, but as I did, I twisted my weight to the LEFT, to try and regain my position next to her. I attempted a full 360 and I knew it might now work for I knew it was risky, but I hoped it would strike her since it would be my only attempt for a strike this time. I knew that it was not clever to only attempt one attack, but it was a challenging one and most likely could count for more than one wound… but now all I felt was the chilled sweat that trickled down my forehead. [ Phew, this took me SO long to try and revise. Thank you for not deleting this and for all of your critique it helped me soooo much!<3 I realize now what I was missing out on and I will try hard to take your critique and fix my writing for sparring. And you were so right the 800 words came to quickly it was almost like I didn't have enough! Anyways here it is revised and I hope a lot better! ^^] Levi Honor, Protection, Love. That's what flows in my blood.

_{image credits
table by whit}

Please do not default. c:
Ava agreed to give me an extension on the reply.

speak of all the love we lost and what it cost us</style> left us to beg our breath would stop, but we kept on</style> AND WE WERE STRONG.</style> The sound of flesh against flesh, hoof scraping along the brutish muscle of a stallion, the shoulder. I feel the jar of solid weight hit against my own force, and I smile. I had been born a mare, which many in my former home had thought a place of weakness for one in battle. The male body, naturally more coiled with musculature, was stronger. However, long hours of practice and discipline covered the difference now. What beautiful fury my legs could unleash. What power lived in the extension of my limbs when in battle. I am no man, but a lady who is more determined and just as strong. I hope, if Levi ever had doubts against me, that this kick is enough to correct them. I stream forth from the kick, using the push of his body to sail me forward, wings tucked tight to my sides to avoid collision with any stray limbs flying from the silver figure of Levi. My sleek figure stretches out, chocolate wings slapping the air like a mast upon a ship, once I am fairly certain I have cleared the expanse of his right wing, confused slightly by my lack of contact with soft down, but perhaps my Sergeant is good for more than just his title. Up and up sail, the wind catching my mane and twisting it in its gentle fingers as I soar, my ears tilted back to listen to the flap of familiar wings. My stocky figure is agile and limber in the air, but the difference of length from tip to tip of my wings screws me out of the speed advantage when compared to Levi. His build was heavy from the draft of wars as well, but the mass of feathers which carry him now allow for a swift uptake of our distance, though I surely hope I gave him a work out in the process. It is not long before the brush of air from another's wings is felt on my rump, and I even my flight to a more horizontal and level pattern, my ascent to the thin airs of the heavens stopped. With the sun dying upon the horizon, stars begin to shine their tiny lights upon us as the world below turns a blood red. The night is approaching, but this battle is not ending with the day. The cut of wings as Levi approaches my right side, and I glance over at him with a grin tearing across my features, masculine and sharp. It is then I see him dip, downward, air pulling him under. With a snort of gleeful surprise, I curve my own wings, only upward. I almost mimic his movements, only instead of sailing downward, I fly up and to the left, a wave rolling up a wall of dramatic sunset, though I am not entirely fast enough to evade the quick draw of Levi's hooves. They pelt the tips of my fleeing right wing, the force dulled and pain unremarkable, though I jitter slightly in my ascent as I roll upward, belly greeting the twinkle of starlight for a moment before I smoothly carve the wind back downward. Had there been lights to hover in our trails, Levi and I would have made a lovely "8" in the air. As he shifts left to try to regain his original position, I continue to slide down the slope of my roll, throwing my wings up to avoid their collision with his figure, though I cannot promise what may happen to his. I allow the bulk of my body to swing down toward his right side, the left side of my barrel gaining momentum with the downward stroke of my flight, aided by gravity and the thin air of high altitude. I am hoping that in the confusion of his attack, he would not suspect my bold toss of my body. I stretch out my neck toward the left, aiming to bite at the right side of his neck, for even in the air the disparity of our height and length damns me. Perhaps, if I were to visit a God once more, I would request my state be raised and stretched just a little bit. Perhaps, just perhaps, then idiots would stop questioning my authority. Perhaps then, I would not have to kick so many useless equines in the ass. One can only dream, I suppose. "" [ WC: 736; 2/2; BULK and DANCE. ] KRI the RESOLUTE</style> MY FRIENDS, I'M ONLY FLESH AND BONE, BUT I WON'T LET YOU DIE ALONE.</style>

image by vinothchandar @ flickr.com

[ The emotion was so much better in this post! I also appreciate you cutting to the chase and scrapping unnecessary details. I felt like you either lost or forgot about Kri's attempt to hit Levi's wing, though, and I think you also got your directions confused on your roll.

If you are on Kri's right side, and you dip down to the right, you are only going further away from her. You should have ducked his right wing but tilted left to get under her. I still figured what you were doing was like an upside down barrel roll, but you MUST get directions right. You can lose the judge entirely.

You improved a lot, though! Keep it going for this next post.

Kri's movement is basically a mimic of Levi's attack, only instead of barrel-rolling down she is rolling up, and then she is trying to slam her side into Levi's after she comes back down. Then, she finishes with a bite toward the neck and some jokes about her height. ]

21 days have passed. Levi defaults to Kri.
Kri receives 2 VP and unlocks the battle buff NUMB.