the Rift


[Judge] The last chapter [Ayaka]

Lupus Posts: 118
Aurora Basin Soldier
Stallion :: Other :: 77cm :: 1
Pheonix
#1



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So this was it. My last fight to complete my quest. My last fight till I have the power of three backing me up. I can't wait to put them to the test. Maybe on Aryel? Or Kri? Actually no not Kri..yet. I don't want to fail in the face of her. Maybe some more practice before I face her then. Anyway now was not the time to be thinking of the future. It is time to be thinking of beating Ayaka. I think back to when I last saw her. What had she done to me? Nothing on the outside it seemed but on the inside? She was the only creature I had taken a almost instant liking to,and I hated to think that. Maybe it was because she was a fellow wolf although on the inside and out she was so so different.


These thoughts are killing me inside.


My white coat ruffles in the light beating down on my heavy duty coat,thick layers of white fur trapping the heat in me. I place myself on the ground in a sitting position next to the pool we had first meet at,my black orbs scanning though the thick cluster of trees. The water in the pool was as clear as it was before and still tinted with the red stones. Throwing back my head I take a deep breath then let out a ear splitting howl. The sound snakes though the trees and bushes for how far i'm not to sure,nor do I care. Drawing my howl to a end my head relaxes and I talk quietly,calling the she wolf for the spar she had promised. "Ayaka."


I don't plan to kill her,not even hurt her badly. Just beat her.


WC:307

Summary:Waits for Ayaka

Set in the deep forest next to the pool at mid day. 2 posts each,you also get a defense post

"blah blah blah."




Image credit;Woxys

Ayaka Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#2





Ayaka was padding through the forest. Her head high and her tail straight out. She had a spar to attend with Lupus. Just the thought of his name made her heart jump faster. The fae remembered the time they first met. She remembered their hunt. The hunt that made her feel better about herself, but yet made her draw closer to him.

The sound of an ear clenching howl made her turn her head. He was at the pool. The place they had first met. She padded in that direction. The sun beamed down on her filling her body with warmness. The lupa heard faint whispers of her name. It was Lupus calling her to their spar. As she approached closer, a furry white figure came into her sight. He was sitting down near the pool. She stood in front of him now. A thought came to her mind. Would he become a different wolf in battle? This she did not know, but she would do her best. She practically knew already that he would win. For he was a large brute, and she was a frail fae. But she would try.

Try to win

She knew should would not try too much, to the point where she could actually hurt him seriously. She was ready. Bowing her head in respect to the male, she then made her fur bristle. She sprung at him trying to pin him down. Her maw opened and her sharp teeth flashed in the sun. She then attempted to sink them into his side. She then stood there, her hackles raised and she snarled. But if you looked closely, she was smiling. Just a bit.

((Summery: Goes to the place where they first met. She starts the spar my trying to pin him down then attempts to bite his side.))





"blah blah blah."


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Lupus Posts: 118
Aurora Basin Soldier
Stallion :: Other :: 77cm :: 1
Pheonix
#3



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A slight smile grows on my maw as the rustic creature emerges from the cover of the trees to the clearing. I lift into a standing position,her she wolf scent flooding me as it had done the first time we meet. I couldn't help widening my smile slightly. My heart was beating faster,partly from the excitement of the spar I was about to be in,and partly because I was with my friend Ayaka again. Friend. I wonder if she thinks I am a friend of hers? The thought is quickly dismissed though as she dipped her head to me. I do the same,it was respectful. Something I'm not usually. What is this wolf doing to me?!?!


I grin as she spring up,pushing herself forward in my direction. I slide back as she lands in the spot where I was but as she does land I am already leaping forward slightly to pin her down,my claws extended and my jaw open. I aim to get on top of her,to pin her down as she had attempted to do to me. As I'm coming down my jaw aims at her tail,knowing that if I caught it in my jaw,it wouldn't affect her to badly. Well,not badly at all really. Unless she lived her life climbing trees all the time,which I doubt.


I can't wait to get back to the Moon Goddess. To show her that the quest set me had been done with pride and that the undead zombie wolfs were mine. I would return to the Basin with my friends behind me,they will heed warning to others,teach them i'm not to be messed with. Get it into there head who's the better of us. And It wasn't to long till my needs will be satisfied.


WC:315

Summary:Moves backwards to her attempt to pin him but as she lands in the spot he had been he is already in the air aiming to pin Ayaka down at which point he tries to bite her tail.


"blah blah blah."




Image credit;Woxys

Ayaka Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#4





Ayaka grunts seeing that Lupus had gotten away from her attempts. But how? Smiling, her heart racing as she observes his every move. She plots a plan in head as she continues to watch him. Jump try to pin, bite? No that was too predictable. Nip at paws trying to trip him then try to scratch his leg? No! She did not want to hurt him. Maybe grab extra skin and throw to the ground? It seemed good, but what if she actually hurt him. If she did what would she do? She would never hurt a friend.

With her thoughts racing on what she could do, she soon realizes she is on the ground. Seeing that he was going for her tail, she swerves it in the opposite direction escaping the nip. Putting up her front paws, she attempts to push him off of her and again tries to pin him. She then tries to lightly bite his neck. She knew that is she succeed with this, the worest it could do is bring a little yelp or a small sting. She then tried to scratch his shoulder, but not with a force. If she did do this it would only bring maybe a small cut.

Her muscles tense and the thrill of a spar was overwhelming her. This was fun. The lupa never thought that a fight could actually be fun. Of corse, this was not a bad fight. It was just a small kind of friendly one. Her heart’s pace was fast and her tongue slipped from her mouth. She was ready for Lupus’s next attempts and this time, she would try to stay more focused. She would like to win, but even if she lost it was still fun. She could still say that she tried.


WC: 300

Summery: Gets knocked down my Lupus, but avoides his bite to her tail. She then tried to push him off of her and attempts to lightly bite his neck. She tries to scratch his shoulder.


"blah blah blah."


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Lupus Posts: 118
Aurora Basin Soldier
Stallion :: Other :: 77cm :: 1
Pheonix
#5



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The sweet feeling of success runs though me. And I love it. I have the rustic she-wolf down on the ground,being pushed down by my slender,white legs. I grin slightly,enjoying the feeling of fighting someone of my own kind again. I suppose you could call me a coward for not taking on full packs but one thing you will call me is wise. Only a fool of a wolf goes out and tries to take on a whole pack. I wouldn't say I was a fool. I had left tormenting Kri when I had,knowing she would not hesitate to kill me only to be thinking that I will be going back with my little friends.


He paws start to press against my chest,pushing up in a attempt to get me of her. Grinning I give a hard shove with my paws down on her own chest. I quickly jump of her chest,allowing her to stand as she extends her neck to bite my neck but I neatly skip to the side before the bite can land on my flesh. Her attempt at a scratch also misses. I take a small,kind of leap,forward,throwing my neck forward to hopefully land a bite on her left shoulder,my left leg also extending,with my claws drawn to grab the top of her her left leg and then,hopefully,I could bring her down on the ground again.


None of my attacks were done to kill,or even hurt her a lot,merely beat her. Damn it would be shameful if she won this. Ok I liked her but I was determined to beat her,not only so that she would beat me,but also so that I could return to the god destined to please her with my win.

WC:311

Summary:Lets Ayaka get up,jumps to the side of her bite and scratch then tries to bite her left shoulder and grasp her side with his left claw.


"blah blah blah."




Image credit;Woxys

Ayaka Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#6





A frustrated snarl emerged from Ayaka’s throat. Missed again! How? At least she was able to push Lupus off of her. She started to make another plan in her head. No no! All of her plans were too predictable. They were as simple as nip there and a whack with her paw there. All of her plots would end up being screwed up.

The pain of feeling the white he-wolf’s teeth on her shoulder made her dramatically yelp. Of course, the nip did not really hurt but she just was not expecting it. His paw thrashed against her body, making her fall down. A feeling started to grow in her stomach. It was a strange feeling. It made her feel sick. It was the feeling of being beaten. She knew that there was no way that she could possibly beat him. For he was a large and muscular brute, and she was a small and frail fae. She was tired and felt like collapsing.

The fae made no attempt to fight back though. She knew that the fight was over. She looked at her shoulder. A small cut oozed with a tiny bit of blood. The fae did not care though. It was only a small thing and would heal in about a week. Her orange orbs danced in the sun’s light. She looked at Lupus’s white coat. She had gotten used to seeing it and did not find it weird any more. His pelt seemed to not have a speck of dirt on it. Looking at hers, she noticed dark tan blotches of clay and mud on hers from being pinned down.



"blah blah blah."


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Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#7




A y a k a | L u p u s
- - - - -
By my verdict, AYAKA is the winner.

AYAKA -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: pinning
+ 1| Attack: biting – remember to mention left or right

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
- 1| Flow – lacking good transitions this post read in a choppy way
+ 1| Easy read

LUPUS -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: avoided the pinning
- 1| Defense: no mention of her biting?
+ 1| Attack: pinning
- 1| Attack: tail bite – if they’re face to face and he is aiming to pin her, not sure how he can reach her tail.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Flow
0| Easy read – some of the wording and description, or lack thereof, made things hard to understand

AYAKA -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: knocked over and pinned
- 1| Injury: there is zero description of pain or otherwise from being knocked over and pinned.
+ 1| Defense: avoids tail bite
+ 1| Attack: pushes
+ 1| Attack: bites at his neck
- 1| Attack: scratch to shoulder – if you are trying to push him off, not sure how you can also be trying to scratch him, much less his shoulder when he’s on top of you. All you could really hope to scratch is his chest or neck fur, or maybe one of his front legs.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
- 1| Flow – you have a lot of fragmented sentences.
- 1| Easy read – lacking description in a lot of areas which makes everything difficult to visualize and understand.

LUPUS -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: no reaction to her shoving at him
+ 1| Attack: shoves at her
- 1| Powerplay: “Grinning I give a hard shove with my paws down on her own chest.”
0| Defense: avoids the bite – the way you describe dodging the bite is plausible, but given you have taken no damage yet it’s unlikely you would have avoided everything so far.
+ 1| Defense: avoids scratch
+ 1| Attack: bite to her left shoulder
- 1| Attack: claw at her leg – not sure how he can ‘grab’ her leg, wolf claws are always extended (they do not retract like cat claws) and are not as agile at ‘gripping’ things with them. A wolf is also less likely to be tripped, especially if they’re barely moving. This would have been a plausible attempt at knocking her over if you’d described using your body weight/ramming as well, but as it stands just clawing at her leg wouldn’t knock her over.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
0| Easy read

AYAKA -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: bite to shoulder
- 1| Defense: falls down – not sure why his paw on her leg would make her fall down


AYAKA

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed

[Injuries]
- 1| Ending the fight not standing

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You did very well for your first fight! Just remember to flow more with your writing and to use transition words. You did well mentioning their differences in build, but forgot all about scenery! You were very fair with your attacks and defenses and seem to have a good sense of timing. Don’t forget to mention which side you are attacking/defending and what the injury would be like if you are injured, otherwise great job :)

LUPUS

[Bonus]
+ 1| Health
- 1| Dodged all attacks

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: I see some improvements over your last fight, but I know you were specifically told in your last fight by the judge and by your sparring partner, that you cannot dodge all attacks. Dodging attacks is not what makes a good fight, but rather responding to those attacks with realistic defenses. Do not forget describing scenery a and breeds/builds and how those effect the fight can also be very important!

TOTAL
AYAKA - 54
LUPUS - 53


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


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