The Endless Blue is beautiful in the late spring light. The wind blows constantly here, and my banner whips along my nape, snapping to and fro. The sun shines high overhead, and though it bears the warmth of summertime, the breeze keeps me comfortable. This morning, the Throat was unbearably warm, though I will never leave its embrace because of the weather. My love is there, as is my friend Rowan, and my mentor Cassiopeia. I had flown here, taking advantage of my ability to do so, knowing that I will not dare in the near future, when my stomach starts to bulge and I begin to wonder when my child will be born.

I am pregnant.

The thought sends a thrill through me, and I can't help but smile, closing my eyes, allowing the sun and the wind to play across my features for a moment. I feel free, light, like there is nothing that can go wrong. I have always wanted a family, you see. After my parents died, I decided that I wanted to have a love like theirs. They were devoted to one another, and I have always wanted what they had. And with it, I have always wanted children. I remember when Phaedra introduced me to Note, mere months ago - she could not have known that we would turn out like this, could she? After all, wasn't she just grasping in the dark to fulfill her quest? No, she had thought of me when she had found Note, I was sure of it. Otherwise she wouldn't have placed me in his life. Would she?

Regardless, I am happy, blissfully so, and right now, I am not in the least worried about everyone else's problems. Opening my light blue orbs, I crane my neck around, look at my stomach, ever-so-slightly larger than it ought to be. "Grow strong, little one," I tell my rounded side. It is too soon still for me to feel a response, but I imagine that I can feel the babe settle. That I might, at any given time, feel it kick. Again, that little flutter of happiness emerges, and for the first time in many years, I am completely content to just be.


"talk talk talk"

Live... I want to live on fire
Die... I want to burn out brighter
Brighter than the northern lights
Want to live to feel the daylight

I close my eyes again, content to bask in the sun's warm glow. I would lie down, but I am not at home, and anyone could chance upon me here. Perhaps it is a mother's instincts kicking in, but I would much rather be prepared, awake, able to flee if need be. I was not a fighter before, and I am even less so now. The waves crash against the beach, a constant ebbing, flowing roar in my auds. A gentle breeze gusts, sending tendrils snaking across my nape, tickling an ear; I shake my head, flick the lobe in question, open my eyes. Suddenly, an odd smell catches my attention, and I frown, trying to place it. Is that... death?

I turn my head toward the source, and immediately flatten my auds in a combination of fear and warning. The creature coming toward me looks to be a nightmare. Bones protrude from flesh, standing starkly as though it has not eaten in weeks. Wings hung limply, dragging along the sand. But it does not seem aggressive, and I stand my ground, unsure if I should stay or go. Surely this... thing... cannot fly on those wings? Worse, still, its belly is rounded, swollen, as though with child...

It comes closer, and I catch a flash of miserable green orbs. I look closer, harder, the lackluster pelt, the odd markings, the little mane that is left... My eyes widen, nostrils flare, and my lobes prick forward once more. It cannot be - I must be crazy - there is no way - it is not possible... "Phaedra?!" I look around, up in the sky, searching for a sign of Stella, my friend's bonded. Perhaps a sight of the bird will prove me right - though I am not sure that I want to be.


"talk talk talk"

Live... I want to live on fire
Die... I want to burn out brighter
Brighter than the northern lights
Want to live to feel the daylight

Stella trills happily, and my guess is proven correct. I move a little more quickly now to her side. She doesn't seem particularly happy to see me - but then, she is probably horrendously ashamed of her appearance. After all, her beauty is perhaps her most identifying factor, at least to her. I know her to be a good and true friend, loyal to those she cares about. She is beautiful, don't get me wrong, all golden locks and charm and sweet words. But I know her better than that. "Hello, Stella," I call, and my voice is calmer now, though her emaciated body sends pangs of nausea through me. It's not the appearance, though - it's worry.

"Am I really so hideous?" she asks, and with the worry, a blossom of guilt grows in my breast. "I... well, yes," I say bluntly. There's no nice way to put it, really - she doesn't even look like the same mare. "But that's not what concerns me. Are you sick? Are you..." I trail off, not sure what else it could be. "I've been cursed." Oh, well that just explains everything, now, doesn't it? I stare at her. "What in the world... no, I don't want to know. If it helps, Stella gave you away. I might not have..." Would it be better or worse for her to think I might not have recognized her?

"And, for the record, I'm glad she did!" I continue with a reproachful look. "If I'd known you were going to go off and get cursed, I never would have let you go alone!" I stretch my maw toward her belly, so distended, so grotesquely disproportionate. Does the curse affect her foal? Just how cruel is the Moon Goddess? A shudder passes over me, and I think of my own rounded belly. I am not yet as large as Phaedra, but there is a definitive bulge. What would I do if I were cursed like this? Does she eat? Can she eat? Is the foal going to be healthy? Or will it be cursed as well? How long with the effects last?

What in the world did she do?


"talk talk talk"

Live... I want to live on fire
Die... I want to burn out brighter
Brighter than the northern lights
Want to live to feel the daylight

"I think the foal is fine..." I sigh in relief. Hesitantly, I brush her side gently. It feels... wrong, though I cannot describe exactly why. The life, though, it pulses inside, and I am reassured. The velvet skin of my muzzle feels odd when I pull away. I sneeze. "You know, they say when the foal begins to move, you're that much closer to the birthing." I speak in a very matter-of-fact tone; it is a rhetorical statement, and I do not expect her to respond., though I do hope that she keeps it in mind in future exploits, at least until the foals are born. Or I could just follow her around. That would probably be more effective in keeping her out of trouble.

I sigh ruefully, shaking my head at her, but there is a playful smile decorating my maw. Now that I have gotten over the shock, I am unfazed by her appearance. She is my friend, and we have fallen back into our same habits, our same routines. "Why sugar!" she exclaims, and for a moment, a bit of her spunk returns. "Tell me that isn't just all clover weight - Are you pregnant?" I laugh, a free, bell-like sound. "If I told you it was clover, would you believe me?" I tease. "Yes, I am." There is pride in my voice, in my swollen body. "Not so far behind you, actually."

What would happen to her foal? Would it remain with her in the Grey, or would it be whisked away to live in the Basin? Would my child have the chance to know hers? Would they be friends? Could they be friends? An uncomfortable thought sinks in - if her child goes to the Basin and is raised by those among them that are racist... My foal will without question be a pegasus, won't it? Don't the children deserve the chance to get to know the other species? Or are there enough within the Basin to protect her foal that it will understand that the lack of a horn does not make you evil?


"talk talk talk"

Live... I want to live on fire
Die... I want to burn out brighter
Brighter than the northern lights
Want to live to feel the daylight

I think back to mine and Phae's conversation that day on the edge of the Throat's land. She had joked then about me getting pregnant - but I had taken it as just that, a joke. Still, though, when she left, I found myself thinking more and more about starting a family. I found myself wandering what our foal would look like, if Note would be a good father... if I would be a good mother. I wondered what it would be like to carry that life inside me, to feel something so precious, so valuable, grow within me. I wondered how bad the pain would be when I gave birth - I've heard stories, of course, what mare hasn't? But I'm sure it cannot compare to the reality.

And then I had come across Azeen in the Threshold - Azzen and Note. And he had seemed to get along with her, and I loved him all the more for it. And again I found myself wondering what our family would be like. I may have adopted Azeen, but we did not share that bond that I was sure I would have with my own, that bond created by carrying them and nursing them and taking care of them. And so my desire had continued, sparked, perhaps, by Phae's questioning, but by no means caused by it. And that day in the Fields had been so effortless, so natural, so easy...

"Of course not, Phae," I answer with a rueful smile. "You got me thinking about it, sure, but after Note and I talked about a family... well it was just the natural process." My tone is amused, perhaps even a bit joking, as I had voiced concerns to her that day about what it would be like, to give myself to Note in that way.


"talk talk talk"

Live... I want to live on fire
Die... I want to burn out brighter
Brighter than the northern lights
Want to live to feel the daylight