the Rift


[COMPLETE] They all fall down | Practise Spar, Archibald
Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#1
 GAUCHO </style>
 With fire to keep us warm & tools we made from rocks and bones
[Image: 5105621d5416e]</style>



There could be no misinterpretation of what the bay stallion's intentions were as he moved about the battleground. He was looking to fight. This was not some angsty boy-stallion, looking to prove himself, nor a creature exuding so much unwanted emotion that he needed to physically rid himself of it; no, no. Gaucho was a warrior by nature - he was called to it, and called by it. If there were others like himself, they would be here. They would smell his need and help him fulfill it.

Gaucho towered above most, yet he moved his bulk with surprising grace and agility. Today he felt quite limber, and was currently displaying a beautiful extended trot around the firm unyielding soil. His black wings were open and seemed to bounce with each buoyant stride he took. Even if Gaucho couldn't verbalize it, he knew there was more to winning a spar than simply being bigger, or hitting harder. You couldn't simply run about, and hope that luck would be on your side. Displaying control over his muscles and his movements, as he was doing now, was training in and of itself. Still, Gaucho would gladly accept more.

He had an incredibly long and luscious mane and tail for such a primitive and primal looking creature. His hide was decorate with war paint, most notably a large bloody red handprint on his hindquarter, and a dull cream marking on his left eye, looking like the rays of the sun. He also had a bone piercing the soft cartilage of his nose - ouch.

This was a fine day for a spar, with no notable weather conditions. The terrain of the battleground was hard and unyielding, and would neither help nor hinder. As he looked around, his steely gaze considering the area, he found that ultimately it seemed fairly neutral - no major obstructions or beneficial areas to speak of. With a grunt, Gaucho halted. He whinnied loud and clear, his nostrils flaring and his chest pumping as the sound left his body.

[Location: Near the meadow - the ground is hard and flat, without any foliage. No weather conditions or terrain features will play a significant part of this spar.

We'll keep it shorter - 2 offensive posts and 1 closing defence. You can decide whether or not you'll use Archi's magic, but no companions please :3 Time to decide whether or not this will be a teaching spar - if you think it will take up a bunch of your time, don't worry, we can just practise. You can attack first - As Gaucho is already there looking to fight, you can just go ahead and attack and we can skip the "Oh, do you want to fight?" posts :P]






Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.


Archibald the Dauntless Posts: 386
Absent Abyss atk: 6.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Equine :: 18.3 hh :: 10 years HP: 80 | Buff: SHIELD
Loretta :: Alaskan Malamute :: Time Slip Time
#2

Archibald’s body pumped, muscles rippling across his taught hide and anger seeped from his pours. His eyes were dark and narrowed as he trotted, head lowered almost parallel to his shoulders. Archibald was angry at everything: at Jackal, at his mother, at his brothers, at everything. His companion loped at his side with her ears pinned back and tail curled over her back. It was easy to see the anger that ripped across the pair, as if it were a dark cloud that surrounded them and all in their vicinity. Anger seemed to do that, to be a consuming fire of destruction and death. Archibald was ready for destruction and, surely, death. His hooves that were so used to the blood of others coating them pushed him forward, anger and a familiar bloodlust pulling at his heartstrings.

The neigh that hit him was like a blessing; soothing his bones and making his body shudder with excitement. So, someone wanted to fight? Archibald hoped that they were ready for what they called upon. With thundering hooves Archibald arrived on the scene, eyes instantly scanning the male. The black behemoth, naturally, stood heads above him; towering over others was not an odd thing for the black knight, as the only two he knew to reach higher than him were his brother Vincent and the Earth God. Archibald’s dark eyes narrowed as he examined the feathered appendages that protruded from the bay’s shoulders, and his mind raced with images of previous spars with his brother Wilder. His grey brother was a skilled flier, and he imagined this Pegasus was as well, but he was prepared nonetheless.

“I am Archibald the Dauntless, and I will fight with you.” Archibald’s voice was low and dark, laced with a whisper of bloodlust and dominance. He did not know anything about this fighter before him—other than what he could assume by his appearance—but Archibald wanted to spill his blood and watch fear enter him. He wondered if the bay was scared of death. If he was not, maybe he would be by the end of this fight. Loretta lowered her center of gravity next to him with her lips curling back to expose her deadly fangs. Archibald sternly sent a silent “No.” and she coiled back, looking up to him sadly. Whimpering gently, she turned and trotted away with her head and tail low. She wanted to share in his spar, but he wanted to do it alone.

Archibald was standing clear in front of the male, only a few feet away, when his body coiled and he propelled forward. Skillfully the warrior’s ears pinned and he stretched his neck out, jaws agape and ready to snap down on tight flesh. The muscles in Archibald’s shoulders flexed and his body shifted to the right, hoping to run parallel to Gaucho. Archibald’s neck rolled and he bit at the back end of the bay’s ribs, aiming between the external intercostal muscle and the transverse abdominal muscles. Archibald wanted to rip skin and see blood, to taste the irony, smooth liquid on his lips. After his teeth flashed out Archibald pushed his weight forward and tucked his head, bucking out furiously with his gigantic hind hooves, aiming for the oddly painted stallion’s elbow or forearm. Defensively Archibald moved his head away from possible flying hooves.

Dust surged into the air around him from the dry and caked earth, his white feathers slowly gaining a reddish hue. The sun beat down upon the two, the earth showing signs of Tallsun in the late reaches of Birdsong. Archibald was not keen to the suffocating humidity that Tallsun generally brought in some regions of the land; he much preferred Orangemoon and Birdsong, with their perfect balance between hot and cold.




[WC: 630 | PC: 1/2 | MC: 0/2; Archibald will be using his magic as well as his battle buffs of bulk and swift. | Archibald comes in and stops just a few feet in front of Gaucho. He introduces himself and runs forward on the right side of Gaucho, biting at the end of his rib cage and bucking at his right forearm/shoulder area. Archibald tucks and turns his head away from Guacho's hooves to protect himself from possible kicks. ]


ARCHIBALD
The world is a scary place
Now that you've woken up the demon in me

Image Credits


Firstly, the one thing that made me go “huh?” was that you stated that the weather conditions would not have a direct impact on the spar. While this may be true, including the weather/surroundings in your posts will get you extra points on the rubric. I always take the initial, opening post to describe the surroundings in great detail so that I can continue to draw from them in the spar. The weather also, in some way or another, always has an effect on the horses. Temperature has an effect on breathing, as well if it is overly warm or cold effects stamina and how a horse tires, etc. The ground and surroundings has a definite impact on footing and balance, and the sun is also important because of distractions in sight or anything close to that.
The other thing I like to do in initial posts is set my character’s defenses. I think that writing a character in anticipation is fun, even predicting things about their opponent to come. Of the real life times I have seen horses preparing, or asking, for a fight they often prance in place and pin their ears and arch their neck. When I got this horse named Flash, I put him in the pasture with Rocky (the alpha of my herd) and his old mares. Rocky generally does not have to have a hard time asserting his dominance, as others learn very fast. Flash, however, stood in the middle of the pasture and demanded Rocky fight him. Rocky ignored him for a long while, but the entire time Flash was prancing and huffing with his chest puffed, trying to make himself look taller and more intimidating to Rocky.
I feel that opening posts seem like they don’t have a lot of potential in them, when in actuality they do. With an opening post you are able to paint a vivid picture of the location, which will help everyone involved, as well as giving emotion behind your character. Why does you character want to fight? Do they want experience, or are they just blood thirsty? I feel that no character does anything without reason, and to be able to write these reasons and emotions will give you points on the rubric.


Through the ages of time
I've been known for my hate,
but I'm a dealer of simple choices;
for me it's never too late.


please tag me
Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#3
 GAUCHO </style>
 With fire to keep us warm & tools we made from rocks and bones
[Image: 5105621d5416e]</style>



Well this was certainly unexpected.

As the massive black draft came into view, Gaucho realized that he felt the oddest sensation at his arrival. It wasn't quite fear, for the hanoverian was not afraid to die, nor of pain. It was something else...an itching in the back of his mind, like fingernails scrapping away at bone. He couldn't quite place it - in fact, the feeling he was experiencing was uncertainty. Gaucho was normally the larger of the sparring partners; almost always. He had never faced a challenger who was taller than he was. But more than that, Archibald seemed bigger, not simply taller. Gaucho's Hanoverian lines gave him bulk, but he still remained relatively stream-lined. Archi's heavy draft build and abundance of feathering made him seem larger than life.

Gaucho would not shy away from a fight, but no longer did he have the confidence in battle that he usually did. The feeling of uncertainty was foreign, and unpleasant to Gaucho's primitive mind.

The bay seemed to not register Archibald's introduction, only his willingness to spar. Names, titles, formalities - they mattered not in this setting. Only strength, wits and determination made a difference.

As Archi's muscles began to tighten and coil under his sleek black pelt, the wheels in Gaucho's simple brain began to whir. While he was smaller than the draft, he was still far too large to simply dance away from his attacks. If he was to make any headway with this stallion - to be close enough to land a few blows - he must be prepared to accept a few as well. As Archibald lurched forward, teeth snapping, Gaucho likewise propelled himself forward, pinning his ears to his large skull. As the draft rolled to the right, making himself parallel to the bay, Gaucho threw his weight into his left shoulder, hoping to knock into Archi's left shoulder as he passed by. As Archi's teeth sank into the soft flesh behind his rib cage, Gaucho grunted as unexpected pain flared through his gut.

Stay close his mind reminded him; dropping his left shoulder to tuck in behind Archi, Gaucho felt the draft's hooves strike between his front legs as he turned, painfully bruising the bottom of his chest muscles near his girth, but potentially saving his foreleg from a fracture. Now behind Archi and slightly to the right, Gaucho raised his muzzle high into the air lest Archi fire at him from behind again. Grunting, his wings already extended, Gaucho beat them down in two even strokes to aid in increasing his momentum in a short span of time - flinging himself parallel towards Archi's right shoulder, in a half-rear, half-flighted-step. Aiming his hooves towards the draft's massive shoulder, he opened his maw wide, intent on returning the favour to Archi, with a well placed bite to his wither or neck on his hooves crashed back to the ground (after either hitting him, or not).

Mimicking the larger stallion, as Gaucho's forelegs hit the ground, he tucked his muzzle to his right shoulder - away from Archi - and rolled to the right, swinging his hind end towards the draft and bucking defensively, towards Archi's flank.


[WC: 532
Attack 1/2: Tries to knock into Archibald's shoulder as he passes. Pivots to the right, and uses his wings to increase his momentum and altitude, aiming to slam his front hooves into Archi's shoulder, and bite his shoulder/neck on the way down.
Defence: Raises his muzzle as he passed Archi's rear, tucks to the right after trying to hit Archi's shoulder, and bucks.

Thanks for the tips Time! I really appreciate it.

Just to clarify, I didn't say the weather wouldn't have a direct impact, just that it wouldn't play a significant part - so while surely the heat will affect breathing, etc, it won't make anyone hyperventilate or over heat. Similarly with the terrain, I only meant that there weren't any large cliffs or boulders or anything. But you're right, I could have fleshed out the landscape far more than I did in my opening post - I will definitely keep that in mind. As for Gaucho's actions prior to the fight - that's a wonderful suggestion! I will definitely keep that in mind for future spars!

Maybe I also ask a question here? I didn't find this with Archi, but I know I've been a part of/read other sparring posts where I've had a difficulty in replying to attacks, specifically because there are so many. For instance, someone could say "Archi ran towards Gaucho, trying to kick him as he passed by. Then he turned around, reared, and tried to hit his back with his hooves. Then he tried to bite..." My concern in situations like this, is that I almost feel like they're forcing you to stay where you where. If that was the post that I was responding to, wouldn't I be able to say that Gaucho had seen them coming, and flew into the sky? Effectively making all of their attacks void? I suppose my question is how do you handle spars where someone repeatedly attacks in a single post, in a way that realistically your character wouldn't have stood for?


Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.


Archibald the Dauntless Posts: 386
Absent Abyss atk: 6.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Equine :: 18.3 hh :: 10 years HP: 80 | Buff: SHIELD
Loretta :: Alaskan Malamute :: Time Slip Time
#4

Archibald’s only fighting experience against pegasi was left on the shoulders of his older brother, Wilder, and the things he had seen during the Qian Invasion. His experience with Wilder proved well, though. The dark knight understood that wings were powerful and could even extend harmful blows should they be thrown correctly, and Archibald intended to keep those wings at bay. As an equine, Archibald had no bodily adornment such as a wing or a horn, and part of him wished to rip Gacuho’s wings off just as he had wished to break Leyra’s horn off during their battle. Without wings, pegasi were nothing special, and without horns unicorns were nothing special. Archibald understood that beneath all of the rough exteriors, there was something that unicorns and pegasi took as pride towards their species specific crowns. Archibald wanted to diminish that pride and bring them to the same level as equines. It was odd for Archibald to have these feelings in real life, as they were reserved for the battle field only. He was not racist in the least, regularly, as he spent his life alongside his diverse species family. But, it is said that war changes someone.

Archibald’s charge is accepted, and the winged creature throws his body into the dark knight’s as he passes. The blow is powerful, but Archibald’s mass absorbs it well. A slight grunt puffs from the mouth of the Dauntless before his bite lands successfully, and a quiver of thrill runs through his body. As the Dauntless, like a machine, continues to attack he feels his back hooves land squarely on Gaucho and his face tightens. Matching the timing of the other stallion as best he could, Archibald pivoted his body to stand perpendicular to the bay, watching from narrowed eyes as he rises into a rear. Those wings, the ones Archibald wishes to dismember, rise into the air and strike down powerfully, and Archibald smirks. Archibald sidestepped then, as Gaucho’s hooves came crashing towards him. The Hanoverian’s hooves just scrape along Archibald’s right shoulder, the one marred by Jackal’s dragon fire. Archibald huffed a breath as the primal stallion landed the blow, the pain running down his scarred shoulder. A bruise, the thought, taking in the damage and pushing past the pain, and he continues his momentum to turn to face Gaucho, and lets his smirk widen across his blaze-painted face. With Archibald’s turn, the bay’s teeth scrape across his mane, and Archibald wonders how the bay feels with a mouthful of coarse hair.

Gaucho turns and brings his rear end towards the Dauntless, but the tide changes then. Backing up just a few paces, narrowly missing the buck, Archibald plants his hooves firmly, lifting his head some, mane tossing and forelock covering his pinned ears. Archibald’s golden eyes fall on to Gaucho’s form sadistically, and his magic rushes forward, gripping the stallion before him with all of its might. Archibald had yet to use this gift from the Earth God, so righteously given to him, and he deemed Gaucho a fitting gerbil. The Earth God had given Archibald the ability to turn his opponent’s bones to stone, and the Dauntless grew with the new power. The Earth God had blessed him so greatly in his time here, first with Loretta and his tremor magic, and now with this. It was perfect, in Archibald’s war-driven mind, to use against opponents faster than him. Gaucho was a large stallion, with some bulk, but by nature could outrun the Dauntless easily.

As Archibald’s magic grappled Gaucho the black knight rushed forward, closing the distance between the two. Archibald’s neck stretched out again as he approached on Gaucho’s left side. This time Archibald aimed for his downcast head, hoping to grab onto the bone that pierced his soft nose and diminish the primal pegasus to nothing but a whelp with the pain he caused. If Archibald’s bite was successful, he would pull to the left hard, hoping to rip the bone and Gaucho’s face with him. In the back of his head he could hear Loretta cheering him on, but he could not pinpoint her location. Her encouragement kept him driving, for she wished the same thing as Archibald: to bring pain to this bay at all cost.

The land around them was warm in the infancy of Tallsun, and the sun baked on Archibald’s dark coat. Gently, sweat started to seep through the chest and inner thighs of the Dauntless. The dust the kicked up between the two stole the purity of Archibald’s white feathers. Mildly, Archibald commended this stallion for choosing a good battle ground, with the earth packed hard beneath their feet. His hooves tingled, body aching to send the earth into spasms and throw the already magic-attacked bay off balance.




[WC: 798 | PC: 2/2 | MC: 1/2 | Archibald turns to stand perpendicular to Gaucho and Gaucho kicks Archibald's shoulder and bites a chunk of his mane. Sidestepping, Archibald turns to face Gaucho as he turns his butt towards him and backs up quickly. Archibald then uses his magic, which turns an opponent's bones to stone for 30 seconds. Archibald then runs forward and bites at Gaucho's nose piercing and pulls to the left.]

ARCHIBALD
The world is a scary place
Now that you've woken up the demon in me

Image Credits




To answer your questions, first, before I start off on my rant:

On your end when attacking, try to be as realistic as possible. In this, I mean that horses move around during fights and only putting in 2-3 attacks is good. Also, horse fights are quick. Putting in a lot of attacks for a fight that lasts less than 5-10 minutes is not particularly a good idea.

When sparring a person that does put in 800 attacks, though, my advice is to mention each attack (because you need to to gain points on the rubric) but by no means does your character have to stay there and take all of those attacks. Like I said, horses move in fighting and therefore if the example is “Archi ran towards Gaucho, trying to kick him as he passed by. Then he turned around, reared, and tried to hit his back with his hooves. Then he tried to bite...” your response could be “Guacho saw Archi running towards him and turned his body as Archi ran past him, causing Archi’s hooves to only pass air. Gaucho then reared to match Archi and struck out with his hooves in a defensive manner while Archi’s hooves clacked against Gaucho’s. As Gaucho landed his rear he jerked out of the way of Archi’s incoming mouth, but was too slow and received a bite on his shoulder”—or something along those lines.

In that example, I responded to each attack Archi wrote but did not have Gaucho stand there, almost brainless, and take each attack. Does that make sense? If not, tell me and I will try to be clearer.
___________________________________________________________________
Resembling your inquiry, you packed a lot of attacks into this post. However, in my opinion, they all worked. However, I will just put in for you to remember to think of how long each attack takes. Boom broke it down nicely, so I will use her example:
Kick: 3 seconds

Turn: 3.5 seconds

Bite: 1 second

Turn: 3.5 seconds

Kick: 3 seconds
So, I would say for you:
Thrust: 2 seconds

Turn: 3.5 seconds

Rear: 4 seconds (with wings aiding him this would be around 5-6 seconds)

Turn: 3.5 seconds

Buck: 3 seconds
In this, Archibald was able to evade most attacks, or lessen their severity, because he took just as long to move as Gaucho did. Archibald also has the battle buff of swift, which heightens his reaction time, so that also helps him in adjusting his behavior based on his opponent.

You seem to have a pretty good idea of how horses work, but I would encourage you to take a lot of time to focus on why Gaucho chose to attack the areas he did. For example, Archibald is trying to pull Gaucho’s bone piercing simply to cause him pain, because Archibald is angry and wants to hurt everyone. Gaucho, from what I know you feel OOC, wants to gain experience—so get into his head! Why does he attack the areas he does, how is he learning from Archibald’s attacks and movements? Horses are very reactive creatures and learn a lot, very quickly, about other horses because of how they act. Also, as I said before, put the terrain into your posts. This will help you gain points on the rubric, and the one with the most points at the end wins. So, basically: add more emotion, add surroundings.

You do really well in just referencing breed differences and how Gaucho reacts to them, but go into more detail on how the differences will benefit him, or if they won’t.



Through the ages of time
I've been known for my hate,
but I'm a dealer of simple choices;
for me it's never too late.


please tag me

Myrddin Posts: 115
Deceased
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17 :: Old
Aud
#5

 GAUCHO </style>
 


With fire to keep us warm & tools we made from rocks and bones
[Image: 5105621d5416e]</style>


Looking back, Gaucho would wonder if the swiftness with which the draft was able to move, was a prelude to his skill in battle, or the magic he possessed. The bay had severely underestimated his opponent; believing he would be powerful, but slow, and as long as Gaucho could land a few of the Dauntless’s blows, he would be able to give some as well. Though as the dark stallion sidesteps from under Gaucho’s powerful hooves, yielding only superficial bruising if anything, Gaucho was rewarded with a mouthful of course mane, rather than the pleasing feeling of striking flesh, for his efforts. In truth, Gaucho had never been so hopelessly outmatched in a spar, as he was now. In battle, yes; but in battle, there were others who could be used as distractions, and emotions often ran wild. Battle was an entirely different arena than a simple spar. Yet this one was proving anything but simple. Gaucho had gauged his opponent wrong, and Archibald surely would make him pay for it.

As Gaucho defensively spun inward, as he had seen the Dauntless do only moments ago, he clenched his teeth together, silently praying that by some absurd course of events, he would land a kick on the draft as he bucked. Of course Gaucho cannot see this, for his head is lowered and tucked, but we can see what Archibald as planned, can’t we? While Gaucho prepares himself to defend against an attack from Archi, the strangest sensation comes over him. It’s almost like...a thickening. He feels rooted to the ground somehow - or perhaps it is gravity, pulling him toward’s the Meadow’s hard soil? As panic overwhelms him, he finds that he is still able to move his eyes, and breathe normally - yet this only quenches his primal need to maintain his faculties. What is decidedly not satisfied, is the knowledge that behind him somewhere, is surely the cause of this strange solidifying feeling that has come over him; and he doubts that this is where the attack ends.

Hearing hooves striking the solid flat ground, Gaucho’s eyes widened as he found he could not determine from which direction the Dauntless was coming. Although the bones in his ears were small, he still found that the new weight there made moving them seem like a foreign command. Giving in to his instincts, Gaucho’s brain forcefully strained to move his large head out of the way, but only succeeding in literally moving it millimeters to the right. Had he moved to the left - his odd piercing would surely no longer be in his nose: As Archibald raced from the left, grabbing the bone piercing the cartilage of his nose, unimaginable pain shot through his muzzle as it was torn. The contrast of having his bones turned to stone, with the tearing of soft flesh created an almost deafening cacophony of pain inside Gaucho’s brain. As Archibald forced his neck to the left, following the motion of his pull, Gaucho quite literally thought his neck would break; that it would crumble, and simply fall a part. He could feel warm blood trickling from his nose, where the bone was held in only by a tiny flap of skin. Coughing, for he could do little more, Gaucho’s brain tried to squash the impulse to take a deep breath, fearing he would choke on his own blood if he did.

From the dusty haze, Gaucho could make out the hulking form of the draft before him. He was being played with; given the increased density of his bones, the black steed could easily have taken his time, lining up to kick him squarely in the face. Or, he could have set his dog on Gaucho, and watched as the bay was helpless to fend off her attacks. As Gaucho took a hesitant step forward, feeling as though his body was moving in quicksand, the impulse that he would fall, and not be able to right himself sent off warning alarms in his brain. There was nothing he could do. Raising his wings - for at least those bones were more hollow, and thus still felt relatively light, compared to the rest of his body, Gaucho defensively shielded his face and neck by drawing the black plumage around himself. If the stallion were to attack again, Gaucho might suffer a wounded wing joint, or bruised ribs, but at least he would not feel the immediate crack of death, by a blow to his head.

Despite the fact that Gaucho was sweating profusely, by creating a cave around himself, he only succeeded in increasing the temperature around his head, causing his new stoned-body to feel both dizzy and nauseous.

[Okay. So using the rubric for time that you gave me last post I think that:

Archi uses magic: 1 second
Run: 3 seconds?
Bite: 1 second
Then, based on your word count (:P) I don’t know where Archi is anymore - whether he’s now just in front of Gaucho, or if he pulled up a few feet). Even so, I feel like Gaucho still has at least 15 more seconds of being turned to stone, to deal with. So here’s a question; since this is Archi’s first time using magic, I couldn't go back and see how others interpreted it. What do you do, if you don’t understand someone else’s magic? Here, I assumed that Gaucho basically couldn't move. I imagine if my bones were turned to stone, I could probably walk like the tin-man, but given how big Gaucho is, if he was put off-centre for any reason, he would topple, so I basically just made him immobile. Given that we’re only doing 2 attacks, I think the fact that Gaucho didn't retaliate this post would be the most realistic.

Maybe when we’re done, if you have time, what would be really helpful for me, is if you could go back and say ‘Okay, when Archi did this, a better response/attack/defense, would have been if you did this. If you have time?

WC 802
Summary: Is overcome by Archi’s magic. As Archi runs towards him, he moves his head slightly to the right, yet the bone in his nose is nearly completely torn out by Archi’s teeth. Ouch. Knowing he has no hope of attack, he shields himself with his wings, which also causes him to feel dizzy and nauseous, given the heat.
Attack: None :( I considered writing something like ‘the relativity of how long 30 seconds was pressed on Gaucho’s primitive mind as he waited for Archi’s magic to dissipate..." and then would have had him attack, but I tried to envision a battle where this was actually happening...you said horse fights are usually quick, and given the time-scheme of attacks from Boom, 30 seconds is actually a long time. That’s why I went with the raised-wings and nothing else, because if there were more attack posts/longer spar, Archi wouldn't hesitate to attack again, and wouldn't just stand there while the 30 seconds ticked down.
Defense: Raises his wings. ]






FOR CHRISTS SAKES. I'm not even fixing it this time. -____- Sorry for posting under Myr's account; I even mentally told myself to switch before hitting post. :\

Archibald the Dauntless Posts: 386
Absent Abyss atk: 6.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Equine :: 18.3 hh :: 10 years HP: 80 | Buff: SHIELD
Loretta :: Alaskan Malamute :: Time Slip Time
#6

A wave of pleasure washed over the Dauntless, crashing his body to shiver, despite the growing heat. Archibald was used to the sensation, having toppled many others in battle before. The victory over Birch, Leyra and Romani, however, had not been satisfying in the same manner. In this moment, from the wake of his dethroning, Archibald is thirsty for pain and suffering, and today his thirst was quenched.

Archibald feels the stallion go immobile underneath the powerful grasp of his magic and he smiles sadistically. His pull to the left brings the bone, firmly between his teeth, as well as Gaucho’s head. Opening his jaws and releasing the bone, now only hanging there by a mangled piece of flesh, Archibald curves his neck and head to survey the damage he has done. Blood pools from the wound, the scent like iron filling his pale nostrils. Grunting, Archibald decides against attacking again. He is fulfilled—this primal, bay creature writhes in pain and the Dauntless stands with merely achy muscles and bruises. Tossing his head Archibald turns his body away, his butt now facing Gaucho’s left shoulder, and as Archibald prepares to leave with all of his pride and glory, the pegasus’ wings move and down and wash over Archibald’s scarred and dark rump. Snorting, the Dauntless bucks upwards, nothing but a warning, with no back hooves flashing out to strike. The attack would have been more powerful had the bones, even hollow and light, not been hardened. The weight of Gaucho’s wing leaves his body as he moves his body into a trot, tail flicking behind him as flies swooped in to lunch on his sweaty hide.

“You will not forget this day,” Archibald stops, turning his head over his shoulder to watch Gaucho in his own sweat box, “I am Archibald the Dauntless, master of war.” Archibald repeats his name, voice booming in the open space. Lifting his head towards the sky, Archibald wonders what the God of the Earth is thinking now—was he proud of the things Archibald did, or was he ashamed of gifting the ex-Chief with so much power? Archibald doubted the deity was proud of the pain Archibald dealt, for the master of the Earth was a peaceful and loving creature, compassionate down to his roots. With that fact, known to anyone, why had he gifted Archibald so? Finding the questions trivial, Archibald decided he would venture to the veins. The walk could go well for his aching muscles. Gaucho had quite the power behind him, and the bruises and dusty hoof prints that marred Archibald’s hide were true monuments to show it.

The sun beat down on the giant as he stood with his head tilted towards the sky. Sweat soaked his body, especially his joints that rubbed against other parts of his body. Lowering his head to its normal state, the Dauntless turned his body and trekked away from the battlefield the pegasus had chosen, Loretta running and panting to catch up to him. Neither of them were bred for this heat, it took tolls on their bodies. Loretta was made for the height of winter, he coat thick and water-safe. Archibald fared well in the colder weather as well, his ancestors living in very mild climates. But, the choosing of this battle field was wise, and a small part of Archibald respected the stallion for his efforts.


[WC: 566 | Closing Defense | Archibald releases Gaucho's nose piercing and turns to leave. Gaucho's wings hit his rump and Archibald bucks up in defense and warning, but he does not kick. | Thanks for the spar, Aud! I will be contacting you to go over the spar with my last notes/teachings so we can go back and forth!]

ARCHIBALD
The world is a scary place
Now that you've woken up the demon in me

Image Credits


Through the ages of time
I've been known for my hate,
but I'm a dealer of simple choices;
for me it's never too late.


please tag me

Official Posts: 847
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Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#7




A r c h i b a l d | G a u c h o
- - - - -
By my verdict GAUCHO is the winner.
Gaucho has been awarded 2 VP for winning, and may now use the Battle Buff Swift.

ARCHIBALD -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+1| Attack: Biting at Gaucho's ribs.
+1| Attack: Bucking out at Gaucho's elbow.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+1| Flow
0| Ease of Read: The gap you had between the mention of his jaws opening and the actual bite was confusing and I thought at first that he had snapped out Gaucho and then continued running and bit again. Reading again, I knew what you meant, but because I struggled I can't award you the point.

GAUCHO -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Throwing his body weight toward Archibald's left shoulder.
0| Injury: Bite taken to the ribcage. You did not explain the extent of this injury.
- 1| Injury: I am not sure how Archibald's legs end up between Gaucho's front legs under his ribs. For one, Archibald is taller than Gaucho, and you do not mention lifting of any kind, but dropping even. Also, Archibald is running toward the opposite end of Gaucho. This injury did not seem plausible, even after reading through several times and your summary.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking at Archibald's right shoulder with front hooves after a pivot.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at the withers/neck of Archibald.
0| Attack: Bucking at Archibald. Given that you describe no attempt to chase after Archie, and he did not mention stopping his movement, I doubt this attack would be anywhere near the draft (unless Gaucho is standing on a treadmill of some sort o:).

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
0| Easy Read: I was really confused with the way you took Archibald's kick, and also the wording of that sentence was questionable at best. I'm not sure how you turned around, and "dropping his left shoulder" is not sufficient for me to assume a turn.

ARCHIBALD -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: Taking the slam to his side.
- 1| Defense: You mention sidestepping, but not the direction. This made the acceptance of the attack to his right shoulder confusing. Gaucho is originally aiming for Archibald's right shoulder before the sidestep, so I pieced together which side you were going for, but I shouldn't have to. I also am not sure why you would not have Archibald just side step out of the reach of this attack.
+ 1| Injury: Good mention of the former injury.
+ 1| Defense: Moving the bite to the mane instead of the neck.
- 1| Defense: Backing up to avoid a kick. Kicking is slow as far as horse moves total, but horses are extremely slow when backing up. Drafts are also not exactly known for their graceful footwork. Basically, I find it very unlikely he would miss this attack entirely.
+ 1| Attack: Using Archibald's magic to turn Gaucho to stone.
- 2| Powerplay: "his magic rushes forward, gripping the stallion before him with all of its might." I know this is magic, but you still cannot word this as a certainty, and especially with such definitiveness. Your magic restrictions clearly offer some variation of the strength in this magic, and your opponent should be able to use that variation here if they wish. The language of this phrase suggests that the worst possible effect is going into play.
+ 1| Attack: Biting at Gaucho's nose and trying to rip out the bone if successful.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

GAUCHO -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Forcing his head to the right to avoid losing his bone piercing.
+ 1| Injury: I cringed from imagining the tearing in my nose during this post. Ouch.
+ 1| Defense: Enclosing himself within his wings to avoid life threatening injury

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: I really enoyed Gaucho's "real talk" at the beginning of this post when he realizes how outmatched he is, and the response to his magic.
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

ARCHIBALD -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
0| Defense: Responding to Gaucho's wing movements as an "attack". This was clearly written in a defensive manner in the post and summary, and while I cannot fault you for having responsed with a buck at the brush of feathers, I also cannot award you for misconstruing your opponent's movements.


ARCHIBALD

[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings: mentioning the hardpacked dirt of the terrain.
+ 1| Least injured.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
Nothing of note.

Comments: You know Archibald very well, and I think you used your buffs realistically. Your attacks were all plausible, and I had no trouble with the logic you used. However, I do want to tell you now that you will not be awarded Experience bonuses unless the fight has taken place IC on Helovia or Isilme. Also, unless your use of the surroundings affects the fight or your character in some way, bonus points will also not be rewarded. Overall, you really just need to work on making your posts as clear as possible, and I would suggest trying to avoid fishing for points and making your fights more organic and natural! Trying to play the rubric is smart, but there were also sore thumbs stuck in there to goad points out of me. :)

GAUCHO

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed comparison: Making an emotional connection between Gaucho's uncertainty when facing a larger, stronger opponent. Gaucho noted that Archibald should have been slower, but was not because of either experience or magic.
+ 1| Surroundings: heat around his face after Gaucho encloses his head in his wings causes dizziness and nausea.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
Nothing of note.

Comments: You have done well in this fight! You had a rocky start in your first post, with the jumble of attacks that were not exactly realistic given the time frame you were attacking in without readjustment for Archibald's position. Your second post was miles better, despite the lack of attacks, and I definitely appreciate your valiant efforts to avoid powerplay. I would work on the clarity of how you write out movements. In the first post, I was confused on what Gaucho was actually doing, and I think that ultimately made the entire post read as choppy.

TOTAL
Archibald - 60
Gaucho - 62


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


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