the Rift


Roses Have Thorns, Dear [Phaedra/Open]

Tolio Posts: 110
Deceased
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE
Brit
#1







At times, he hates her. Despises her. Absolutely loathes her very existence. He wants to bash his skull into a rock until her memory leaves him and he is free; that the sound of her name doesn’t stab a new thorn in his heart. That he isn’t looking over his shoulder because somehow he thinks he has seen a flash of gold in the edge of his vision. He hates her for what she’s done to him, and what he has become because of her. She had been childish and cruel when he had tried to explain to her their relationship in the Grove. Had been blind to how much it had hurt him, too. At first it had merely ripped his heart into ribbons he doubted could ever be sewn together again. Afterwards he had discovered she was carrying his child, and had finally had to run out the anxiety that had built up inside his soul. It had left him drenched in sweat and trembling in the shock of frigidity the Steppe brought, clinging to Faelene like a helpless colt. However once she had helped him regain his bearings, he had realized that he had never treated Phaedra badly in the Grove. He had been absolutely devastated, and she’d left him with a single word. The anger was at constant battle with the love he still harbored for her, and which he suspected he always would. Children had been his biggest desire since his youth, and he had never thought he’d be able to have them. Not once did Tolio regret how he was, being gay, but it had nearly crushed him to realize he would never hear ‘daddy’ come from the innocent maw of a child. Phaedra had given that to him, and in her belly rested a life he helped create. Was it the love of his child he felt that fought that anger and hatred towards the flirty fae? Or was it a combination of his love for the both of them?

Deep sigh shook slim chest cavity. What was he doing here, lingering outside the place she called home? Oh yes, that’s right. Being an absolute idiot. He needed to see Phaedra again. For once in their miserable relationship- whatever it was- they needed to see eye to eye and talk like the adults they were. Tolio may be emotional, but he was still a stallion. He would face this problem, even if that problem was a woman. Normally he would never have sought her out, far too proud to do so. Image of his unborn child drove him forth from the safety of the Basin. Crown held high, silver blue eyes cold and aloof. There could be no more of this, no more tears and hurting. Tolio was sick of being the emotional gay boy, and he had shoved away his self-proclaimed bunny side to let the serious side appear. Phaedra had never dealt with this side of him, not necessarily. Tolio refused to bring forth a child into the world where its parents were fighting and separated constantly. Bloody brute would also not allow her to stop him from seeing his child. They needed to talk through this, make up a system. Do something. Alabaster hooves drove into the ground sharply to stop him and lurch him out of his thoughts. There would be no more movement, he would not break the boundaries of the woods. That was her home, her safety net, just as the Basin was his. He would not tear through those bonds. White face tilted skyward, singing out with every inkling of power in his lungs. Bugling out for her, nearly demanding her presence. It was urgent, and if she did not appear he would drag her out of those woods himself.

His heart had taken on far too much damage, as he suspected hers had as well, and he would not allow himself to give her another opening through his emotions.






Phaedra the Opulent Posts: 343
Deceased
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None Aud
#2
 Phaedra</style>
 & from your lips she drew the hallelujah</style>



She would know his call anywhere. Right now, she both dreaded and craved to be by his side again. How long could they possibly manage to ride this roller-coaster? With its never-ending highs and lows? But when they were high, as in that night in the grove....it was so sweet and overwhelming, that it seemed to swell up and simply erase all of the lows. It was an all consuming sort of passion, a craving - an itch - that demanded to be satisfied. It called out to her, burning in the back of her mind every time that she thought they should just give up on whatever was happening, but she couldn't. She would always go back to him.

Closing her sunken eyes, she sighed miserably. She had initially wanted to avoid everyone, due to the pregnancy. To hide out in the Deep Woods, protected by her Grey family from prying eyes. But as the Moon Goddess’s curse fell upon her, she found that even that no longer was an option. Where could she go, to hide herself from the world? Originally, Phae thought herself so completely hideous, that no one would recognize her. That idealistic notion had been shattered when she encountered Sohalia on the beach - her friend had recognized her almost instantly. Not ugly enough, you bitch She thought furiously, directing her rage and anger at the Goddess who did this to her.

But now Tolio had found her, and she could do nothing but go to him - wanted nothing more than to go to him, but not like this.

Phaedra moved with a different sort of silence, than she had before. Now, her movements were dampened simply because her body had decreased so much in size. Her chest was sunken, leaving her shoulder-bones stretching painfully through her dull coat. Her mane and tail had lost each and every hair, and many of her feathers had fallen off, making her incapable of flight. Although her body was withered and had aged several years, her belly was still swollen with life, pressing out against her ribby-sides. What would the cinnamon stallion think of her, as she was? Perhaps Tolio’s adoration only extended to her so long as she remained beautiful and shiny? Had his love not wavered when her emotions became ugly, that day on the Steppe? What would he do now that she was physically ugly as well?

Moving into the meadow and into his view, she gulped down the lump in her throat. The last time she had seen him, she told him of his foal growing in her belly - and the time before that she was covered in his love-sweat, his scent mingling in her golden curls. Now, she was emaciated and withered, a husk of what she had been before. Would her apology sound as sweet and sincere, falling from chapped lips? Keeping her eyes low, unable to meet his mercury stare, too ashamed to see the horror that was undoubtedly in his eyes, she paused a few feet away.

She had been foolish in the grove - not simply foolish in act, but also in the manner with which she handled his thoughts on what to do about their relationship. Phae had never been close with anyone before, and in that instant all her mind could formulate was how to avoid the pain of Tolio breaking her heart once again. After some careful consideration, she wondered how she had been so painfully stupid. He was trying to find ways to keep her safe, the very thing she had chastised him so brutally about! All it would have taken was a patient ear, and she was sure they would have come up with something....they were both quite clever, were they not? And Tolio was gay for God’s sake, how hard would it be to convince anyone that they weren't together?

”I’ve been thinking...” She began, prepared to say everything that had just run through her mind, but as she began, the words clogged in her throat. Tears stung her sunk milky green gaze as she finally raised her eyes to him. ”I’m so sorry! “ She finally gasped, taking a hesitant step forward. ”I didn’t mean to...I...I just thought ... “ Shaking her head, she sighed, frustrated at how hard this was. ”I thought you were saying it was over...that you were done with me.”. She managed finally, her voice low and solemn. ”Whatever you think is best we’ll do...even...ev-” Her lip began to tremble, and she found herself turning to look to her left, to keep him from seeing the pain etching across her features. If Tolio was going to leave her...Well, she would try to make it as easy as possible. She hadn’t realized until recently, just how easily her words and actions could offend him. He was...much more sensitive than she was.

”Even if it means we aren't together..” She whispered finally. She held her breath as she waited for his response, constantly reminding herself that she was in the wrong here, not him, regardless of how her mind wanted to twist things to alleviate herself from some of the burden.



 HP: 45.5

Tolio Posts: 110
Deceased
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE
Brit
#3







For a long time there is no movement. Nobody comes from the tangle of dark shadows, and Tolio wonders if she will not come. It wouldn’t surprise him, not really. If she didn’t, he would be able to hold on to his anger. He doesn’t really know where it came from, but it is far better than the heart-breaking love he feels all other hours of the day. Anything to escape that wretched pain of knowing that she was pregnant with his child, and yet he could not be with her. It was like trying to hate someone you loved, and it was completely impossible, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t try. For some reason, his anger numbed him. It helped keep away the love, but it was a weak foe; easily crushed under the love he held for the dark aureate lass. His love is fire, and his anger a block of ice. It withstands, but never for any length of time. It is inevitable, and he suspects that the moment she appears into the sun from the darkness of her home, it will crash into him all over again.

When she does come, he is horrified. He knows it is her, for his heart tells him so. There could be no mistaking her form, the way she moves. And yet, he has never been more disappointed. Love crashes over him like a wave, and even in this state he is head over hoof for her. Sadness pervades his eyes, seeing how emaciated and decayed she looks. And even then, he loves her. She is far from beautiful now, and yet his heart quickens at seeing her. He wonders, then, what she could have possibly wanted for the Gods to curse her with such an existence. It saddens him, for he knows inside that she is vain. And yet, never around him. In his presence she is pure, she is love. She is simply Phaedra. Beauty has never drawn him to her, for he has never fancied females anyways. Tolio knows that others find her stunning, and that she uses it to her advantage, but he saw inside her ribcage and peered at her heart and loved her. Somewhere behind all the insecurity, vanity, and pride, she was an honestly beautiful woman. Aesthetics aside, he had never love another so wholeheartedly in his entire life. It pains him to see her in such a state, and yet he steps forward to greet her nonetheless. She is his kryptonite, and he is no longer Superman in her presence. He’s hardly a fumbling colt, the warrior within whimpering and hiding beneath the fierceness of his emotions.

Her eyes, sea foam and sweet grass, are filled with sadness. Soft dulcet tones have disappeared into a hoarse whisper that he is still enthralled by. Why must he love her so? It is like loving a wilting flower, hoping it will bloom for you once more. He’s not quite sure who the flower is anymore. Her apology shocks him, yet face softens. He listens to her, not interrupting. Letting her get everything out she needed to say, feeling as if he needed to hear it all out in the open as well. ”I don’t know what to do, Phaedra. I still don’t. I love you, but I don’t want you to be a dirty little secret. You’re worth more than that. Yet I want to be a part of my child’s life. I cannot join you in the Grey, and you cannot follow me to the Basin. I just…don’t know what you think we can do, love,” he crooned softly, feeling far calmer than before. She is here now, and that is all that matters. Stepping forward he closed the awkward distance between them, brushing his muzzle over her graying one. It is a bit disconcerting, to see her like this, but he still loves her. Lips brush up over her cheek, reminiscent to the touch he had bestowed upon her in the Grove. Down her neck and to her spine, dropping away only as he neared the middle of her back. ”Phaedra…why have you done this to yourself, love?” It is nearly impossible to stop himself from calling her that, and pained blue-silver orbs meet hers. What magic was possibly worth being cursed in such a way?






Phaedra the Opulent Posts: 343
Deceased
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.3 :: 6 Buff: NOVICE
Stella :: Secretary Bird :: None Aud
#4
 Phaedra</style>
 & from your lips she drew the hallelujah</style>



Phae's head was swimming. Were they staying together, or weren't they? All of the options seemed to be wrong: Splitting up, hiding their love, Tolio leaving the Basin and joining the Grey…but if none of them worked, then where did it leave them? Which was the least worse option? It sounded as though Tolio, for all of his gentle lovingness, was telling her that they couldn't be together. That seemed to be the crux of the message he was trying to convey. It made her feel cold inside, feeling a depth of sorrow that she didn't even know was possible. This was why Phae was such a selfish creature; doing the right thing hurt so much more than simply running away. The right thing; was that truly leaving the cinnamon stallion behind? Only 2 others new of their love affair: Faelene and Sohalia. The once golden-girl was sure that their secret could remain secret in their fold but…Gods, how it pained her heart to think of smothering their love out of fear. No her mind gently prodded, Not out of fear. For the foal. And yes, that was what it was. The sacrifice was for the life within her belly.

Doing the right thing hurt.

His touch was electrifying, perhaps even moreso now that her body was so raw and frail. She leaned into his touch, wishing to be so completely embraced by him as she had been that evening in the Grove. Her love for him felt endless. The thought of leaving him, was liking hold a few twigs and trying to damn an ocean; it seemed utterly incomprehensible. Yet as she stood in her minds-eye on the rocky shores of her ocean of love, she already felt alone. The tide was already pulling him away, and night was falling all around her: her and her alone.

His words broke her painful reverie, as he inquired about the cause of her state of affairs. Shaking her muzzle slowly, it felt surreal to think of the day all those weeks ago she had spoken with the Goddess. "The Goddess of the Moon cursed me. I asked for magic…to aid in my efforts with the Grey…and she did this, out of jealousy." Phae replied, skewing things slightly. She wasn't quite sure how Tolio would react to the full truth. Were they not talking about 'breaking up'? And he was gay, after all; would he really be so upset to know that she had requested the magic of the sirens? To ensnare other men? Her heart belonged to the cinnamon stallion alone…If he didn't trust her well…Well, then he shouldn't be talking about leaving her.

Looking at him softly, she sighed through a wrinkled muzzle. "If no one knows who the father is, I could simply keep the foal. If you cannot leave the Basin to join the Grey…I can surely come up with a believable story of how this came to pass. But you couldn't ever lay claim to it. Then again, if it is born with a horn, you could simply say you found it…and bring it back with you?" Phae, who had never been a mother before, and was not the overly emotional type when it came to these sort of things, did not feel as heartless as perhaps she should, by suggesting that Tolio would simply take the newborn. Once it was finished nursing of course. She cast a hesitant look towards him, trying to judge his reaction to her propositions.



 HP: 45.5

Tolio Posts: 110
Deceased
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.3hh :: 6 Years 8 Months Buff: NOVICE
Brit
#5







Why are they forced to stay apart? It tears at his heart with every passing moment and he doubts that there is much left in his chest cavity to even resemble the same shape it once held. Tolio knows Phaedra always jumps to the end of every spectrum, something that exasperates him at every turn. He knows her, has been inside her very core and left his mark there out of love. Every thought, every breath, every beat of her heart he has known. Has tasted each, sucked them in deep into his being until they are two perfect entities converged into one. That is why it hurts to be the one to pry them apart, for there are sure to be parts missing once they have been separated. It is a process he despises, wishes to avoid. Is it the right choice? He had told Faelene that he didn’t want to keep slinking after Phaedra with his tail between his legs, always ready to beg for forgiveness once more. It seemed that those two girls were the only ones to make his heart pump. Any other time, it was frozen and cold. It hurt too much to let it bleed, so he cauterized it with the agony of his own experiences. Standing there looking down upon her dilapidated state, he felt as if his insides were being slowly burned, and they were melting down around the contours of his body. She was swollen with life, and yet her eyes looked as if she were dead and unwilling to try and revive herself. They both felt, clearly, that there was nothing they could do. Tolio hated it, hated the helplessness. He wished at times that their problems and barriers could manifest into an actual body, something he could fight.

Dull coat leaned towards him and he did the same, gravitating towards her in a way he could not control. They were opposite sides of a magnet, always returning to find their mate despite all obstacles. Maybe it wasn’t safe, or the best of decisions, but they always ended up meeting together in situations like this. However when she spoke, it did not make sense, and his face crinkled in obvious confusion. Jealousy? What? ”Phaedra, jealousy? I don’t understand. The Goddess is Immortal, and likely beautiful if she exceeds mortals. Why would she be jealous?” He spoke slowly, softly, not wanting Phaedra to be offended. He really didn’t want to get in a fight with her at that moment. Even so he brushed his muzzle over her, touching every withered part of her that seemed so impossibly aged. Yet the Moon Goddess couldn’t hide what he had found so attractive in her when they’d first met. It was true that he didn’t have much patience for some of her antics, but he loved her, and her appearance couldn’t make him withdraw. She could be the ugliest mare in Helovia and he would still be hopelessly horn over heels for her.

Yet that didn’t stop him from jerking back in surprise when she spoke. So little love lingered in her tone, and it shocked him how indifferent she seemed towards their child. Would it remain once she had birthed? Or would the natural love of a mother for their child take place? ”If it is born without a horn…I will trust you to keep it safe in the Grey, but I will come as often as possible to see my child. If that isn’t possible then…then I will speak with Ktulu and try to see if she will allow it, since I will likely be a hole in your neutrality…” Alabaster face turned heavenward, eyes blinking quickly as he tried to focus his thoughts. He wanted to be a part of raising his child. ”If you are willing to let me take our child to the Basin…that is your decision, but I will if you will let me. The herd is a natural barrier to others, with strength and numbers the Grey doesn’t have. I may not like it, but I can protect them there. We have a God patron, it has benefits certainly…we can think of things, Phaedra, we can do this,” encouraging her softly, bringing her close to his chest and enjoying having her in his grasp once more. It felt wrong, not to hold her, and she seemed so impossibly fragile in that moment that he couldn’t help but bring her in towards his heart. It was where she belonged after all.







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