"Where brilliance is good and madness is better..."
Helovia Info
Helovia opened in February 2012! We are an active fantasy equine RPG
Where once the world narrowed into naught but gray dust and desolation, the gods called for life. Wielding the elements of fire and light, dark and wind, earth and water, spark and time, they have created Helovia. The realm is set within the mythical globe of Loorien, a planet rich with all variety of creatures and blessed with all manner of magic. Originally populated by nomadic, tribal characters, they've since grown into massive empires saturated with culture and history. Separated into four distinct segments of Helovia, called "The Regions," each band of horse strong enough and capable enough, took up the power and responsibility of leadership. Unicorns, old, wise and mysterious, took to the north, hidden in forests of mists and shadows and rarely making themselves known beyond their cliffs of the World's Edge. Equines, vast, organized and militaristic, split into two, one group went north to the Windtossed Foothills and the other group went south to the Dragon's Throat. Pegasus remained nomadic, making their homes in various parts of The Wilds in a migratory manner. For many generations, the land was peaceful and calm, but peace was never the way of the gods. With a clash of argument, war and bloodshed massacred Helovia, and in the aftermath, the realm was eerily quiet. Now, as newcomers sweep into this land, they are met with the lingering bitterness of the gods and the struggle to reclaim what was lost. Nothing remains safe or certain while sorcerers and soldiers alike brood and bide their time for revenge, honor and glory.
Site Wide Plots
Kaos :: The Beginning of the End ☼ - 6/2017 - Kaos placed Helovia in a time-bubble for a short period of time, but the Helovian gods are fighting back. But Kaos is powerful- far more powerful than anyone thought. This may be the beginning of the end of Helovia as we know it.
Kisamoa :: A New Kind of Kaos ☼ - 3/2017 - Kisamoa asks Helovians to help him restore the Spectral Marsh. Which side will you choose?
Invasions :: All Out War ☼ - 5/2/16 - New layout and the brand new invasion rules are up! Thank you for your patience and we look forward to getting started with this new adventure.
The Rift :: Gods Do Die ☼ - 8/2015 - Helovia Gods are saving the Rift from corrupt gods! Can Helovians band together against these foreign deities?
The Literal Ship ☼ - 2/8/15 - Oh no! You have to pair up for Valentine's day!
Sky Island :: Murder ☼ - 10/25/14 - Vesta has been found dead on the island, and the gods have called to you to solve the murder!
Sky Island :: Peace ☼ - 7/7/14 - An island has appeared in the sky! Clouds carry Helovians from the Veins to the sky.
Restoration :: We Welcome the Dawn ☼ - 9/21/13 - The sun has finally risen on this day, giving the land new light, but the Time God and the Sun God have yet to be seen.
Endless Night :: Broken Magic Plot ☼ - 8/30/13 - The earth god has returned and is walking across Helovia to heal the land. Every area can now be considered lush and prosperous, but the sun has still not risen.
☼ - 7/19/13 - The moon has risen in the sky, heralding the return of the Goddess of the moon. Lamp trees which light the paths have grown brighter, moon flowers which grow in dark places have begun to grow and prosper and the world is brighter, filled with a new hope.
Endless Night :: Dead Magic Plot ☼ - 6/22/13 - The gods of Helovia, in order to protect the world, have disappeared into the rift, leaving the world sunless, moonless and magic-less in their absence. Only the herdlands have a source of light, but lamp-trees with glowing leaves and branches sporadically line the popular roads and paths from place to place.
Doppleganger Plot ☼ - 6/20/13 - The God of Time is still struggling to close the rift though which the dopplegangers have come. He has requested that his brothers and sister assist in closing this hole, but without knowing why it opened, the task is proving difficult. Magic still remains faulty and hard to control, but the herdlands continue to be places of refuge for those who are fortunate enough to call these lands home.
ORANGEMOON cools off the lands with a a viscious force. Colder than normal, a sign of things to come during Frostfall, Helovia is bathed in a rich tropical lushness - albiet a cold one. The coastlines of the Dragon's Throat are pelted constantly by tidal waves, and the desert climate is humid but chilly. Ice begins to form early in the Aurora Basin leaving the winding trails slick and dangerous. The mists of the World's Edge coat everything in a glistening crystalline shine which encourages mould to grow everywhere. The Spectral Marsh is the only area which remains fertile, blissfully temperature and lush.
Cotm
Character of the Month for
June, 2017
WEAVER, Corporal of the Aurora Basin, is a relatively recent addition to Helovia and has taken it by storm. Branded with the seal of Death on her chest, intrigue and interest follow both her past and present. Though she is assuredly beautiful, her sometimes sharp personality reveals that there is more to this uni-peg hybrid than meets the eye. Proving herself able on the battlefield in the Basin’s warrior ranks, we can’t wait to see her test her mettle against the looming Kaos happenings! Congratulations!
Helovia RPG was created by Tamme and Blu and coded by Tamme also known as Schwartze. All coding, palettes and imagery are copyrighted to the website and are not for use outside of Helovia. Thank you to our ServerMaster for hosting Helovia. A special thanks goes to Neo for all of her coding help and fixing Tamme's errors, Boom, for her loyal service and creation of the Time God, and to Ali for her consistent contributions and dedication.
02-12-2013, 06:36 PM (This post was last modified: 02-20-2013, 03:06 PM by Blu.)
Note
Tio's threats of invasion on his precious herd were still fresh in Note's mind. He had a duty, as a soldier of the Throat, to protect his herd as well as he would his family. Note's skills were dulled from the years he hadn't fought, leaving him barely a good enough soldier to protect himself from a bumblebee. It was a frustrating thought, especially considering the number of horses he had slaughtered so easily back then. So he'd train and he'd spar until he could kill as easily as he used to be able to.
Note's large, hawk-like wings flapped against gravity as he soared through the sky. It was dawn, the sun barely glinting off the horizon. He loved early morning spars, they were a nice way to awaken himself from the cape of sleep. His burnished features were emotionless as always, the only thing showing off a hint of any feelings were the sharp green in his glowing eyes. Maybe it was hatred, or fury for Tio and the trouble he was causing.
Or was it fear?
Lightning cracked next to Note in the sky, though it was a small beam, it was a warning. He had to keep calm, or his magic would send lightning through the sky without warning. It was troublesome, but he handled it quite nicely. Note shied away from the lightning, his heart pounding from the sudden outbreak of magic.
He wasn't sure how long he had been flying, but his destination was right below him. The Heavenly Fields. It was a lovely little place, the altitude and position of it not too terribly hot. Note dove to the fields, his feathers making a soft whistling sound as he tucked them close. His muscles weren't strained from the flight, surprisingly enough. The scar that adorned his side was well hidden by the feathers, it would remain unseen the rest of the day.
Note stopped in the field, his silver hooves glinting in the first rays of sunlight. He had nothing to do now but wait.
"Speech"
[ OOC: 2 posts each, closing defense for first attacker.
Setting is in the Heavenly Fields at dawn. Temperature cool, around 75 degrees.
Magic is allowed, but no companions.]
02-12-2013, 10:58 PM (This post was last modified: 02-12-2013, 11:19 PM by Gaucho.)
GAUCHO </style>
With fire to keep us warm & tools we made from rocks and bones </style>
The General was dead.
The thought weighed heavily on Gaucho's mind, even though he had never met the Ardent. He had seen the look on the faces of those who arrived at his grave, as they mourned his spirit; watched as the God's of the Heavens seemed to part the clouds just to welcome his essence into the Great Fields of the Sky. He had stayed, only to ensure that they would be allowed to grieve in privacy, but now it was his turn to grieve. Gaucho was not a rank-climber; the fact that the General was gone, did not immediately cause his mind to pause, and consider the open-spot. Instead, it made him think of My-dus, and the extra weight upon his painted shoulders - of the herd in general, both of their grief, and their need to remain protected. Gaucho was not the most poetic of creatures - not even close. He could hardly even be called articulate, yet as he watched the tears spill from their eyes, and the goodbye’s whispered from the mouths of his leaders, he too wished to commemorate the fallen General, in some small meaningful way. But the only way that the primitive creature knew how to express himself, was through battle.
Gaucho had only ever been the the Heavenly Fields once, when he heard a strange tribal singing. Following the sound, he found a set of antlers, which, upon further inspection, magically affixed themselves to his brow. The wonders did not cease there though, as the brute quickly found out; the antlers were infused with magic. The spirits of the dead could pour through the dream-catcher interwoven between the tines, aiding him in battle. Although Gaucho was sure that Azzuen himself would not pour from Gaucho’s antlers, the bay would be proud to spill blood for the fallen General, and call forth a spirit in his honor.
As lightning flashed in the dewy morning sky, Gaucho’s steely grey-blue eyes were diverted to the heaven’s, wherein a dusty pegasus was descending. Snorting, the bone which pierced his nose moving slightly, Gaucho moved his large self swiftly forward, eyes intent on the form of the newcomer. His trot towards him was fairly aggressive: Gaucho carried his tail quite high, and his head carriage was high as well, ears forward and nostrils flaring. As he came closer to Note, he was able to distinguish the dusty smell of the Throat, even amongst the scent of dawn and lightening which clung to him. His gaze washed over the stallion, as always sizing him up for a spar. He noted that the stallion had a more slender build than he did, and was several inches smaller. Still, after sparring with Aryel who was decidedly more delicate than He, as well as with the wolf Ayaka, Gaucho knew that size didn’t always need to play a substantial role.
Two things happened to Gaucho, almost simultaneously. The first, was the automatic understanding that this Throat-Brother, was looking for a spar. Maybe it was instinctual, or perhaps it was simply the fighting spirit within Gaucho, recognizing its counterpart in another; regardless, it was known without doubt. The second, was an odd feeling of propulsion; of wind. The magic of the winds that he had been briefly blessed with at Azzuen’s funeral reception billowed forth from what felt like Gaucho’s very soul. His core seemed to be buffeted by the winds themselves, as a small windstorm erupted around himself, and moved swiftly towards Note. Following directly behind the whirl of chaotic winds, the bay grunted as his long legs swiftly covered the ground beneath him, bringing him closer to Note. Keeping his gaze fixed on the stallion’s left shoulder to ensure that he was aware of any changes in position that he might attempt to make, Gaucho lowered his antlered-brow as soon as he was a mere stride away. He aimed his antlers at Note’s left flank, towards where his rib cage ended, so that as he passed, he could also attempt to thrust his left shoulder into Note’s. As he passed parallel to the stallion, Gaucho turned his chin in to the right, to protect his thick skull should Note’s hooves dance outward to meet him. As he did this, with a grunt of effort, he kicked his hind legs out, hoping to kick into Note’s left hip.
Gaucho could feel his lusciously long tail flying about as he moved - the feathers in his dream catcher as well - as they were buffeted by the windstorm. Gaucho had never used such magic before, and felt exhilarated by the thrill.
[Gaucho will be using the Battle Buff Endure
WC: 793
Summary: Gaucho sees Note and trots forward, identifying him by scent as from the Throat. Understanding he wants to spar (as per our OOC conversation), Gaucho runs towards him, unleashing a whirlwind as per the magic bestowed upon him at Azzuen's funeral. He runs at Note head on, passing him on Note's left. He aims his antlers to graze Note's left flank, and tries to knock into his shoulder as he passes. He bucks as he charges by, aiming for Note's left thigh, and tucks his nose to the right.
Attack: 1/2 Wind Storm at Note, Antlers to Note's left Flank. Shoulder-check to left shoulder, buck towards left hip.
Defense: Tucks his nose in to the right should Note try to kick out at him to protect head head.]
A feeling of unusual terror and suspense washed over Note, his sharp green eyes devouring the land until they fell upon a buckskin stallion charging for him with a whirl of a windstorm in his wake. Note stood his ground, recognizing the fellow member of the Throat as a Soldier named Gaucho. His steel orbs were full of eager determination as he charged at Note.
It was the naive glow in Gaucho's fierce eyes that set Note off. His own orbs turned a dark, emerald color as the windstorm caught him. Note's black mane whipped around his long nape as he furiously blinked his eyes, struggling to keep them open in the winds. He stayed as still as possible, feeling as if he did move, he'd be lifted from the ground.
The storm subdued, but Gaucho was quick to strike him afterwards. Note twisted his head back to Gaucho's, rearing as well. His hooves were aimed for the center of his opponent's thick neck in order to push his head away from even touching Note's coat. Note's silver hooves were pointed in a way so he hoped that it would cut Gaucho as well. It was frustrating to battle one so much taller than himself, but he couldn't dwell on the thought for long.
By the time Note's hooves were once again on the ground, Gaucho was bucking at his left hip. Note was already partially in a twisted pose from the rear he had recently completed, so he turned to complete the half circle and dodging away from Gaucho's hooves, biting at the larger stallion's hocks. He wasn't quite quick enough and Gaucho's hoof managed to graze his stifle. The new cut stung slightly, but didn't bleed much. It was more a flesh wound than anything.
Lightning cracked behind Note, a reminder of his magic. He glanced at Gaucho's unarmed back, a perfect place for a burn. One you didn't have much chance of escaping from. An arc of lightning, aimed for Gaucho's spine, came from the heavens. Note had never used his magic on horses before, and was actually quite curious to see the result. But he knew Gaucho wouldn't stay as he was for long, so Note tucked his head and braced himself for whatever move Gaucho was planning on next.
"Speech"
[Post: 1/2
Attack: Lightning magic aimed for Gaucho's back, hoof-cut, biting at Gaucho's hocks
Defense: Hoof-push, neck tucked and braced for battle]
With fire to keep us warm & tools we made from rocks and bones </style>
Gaucho was furious. How the fuck this dusty pip-squeak had managed to evade his attack by rearing in the one-stride timespan he had before Gaucho took out his rib cage, the brute was unsure. All he knew for certain, was that we seeing red. As Note’s hooves pushed into his thick neck, surely causing blood blisters, Gaucho grunted as the jolt twinged his muscles; yet his momentum helplessly carried him forward. As he bucked, his rage only intensified as Note moved out of the way of this thrashing hooves. NO! his mind screamed. The bay suddenly wished he had claws, so that he could quite literally tear into this chump; the desire for carnage was almost overwhelming. He had been robbed of feeling Note’s flesh beneath him not once, but twice now. He heard Note’s teeth snap, but given that his head was twisted around to the right, he couldnt’ tell just where he though he was biting. He wouldn’t be so dumb as to try and bite a leg that was kicking at him, would he? Briskly, the bay snapped his tail around his legs, just in case. As Gaucho’s buck connected with Note’s stifle, he became even more confused; maybe he’s just lucky, he thought with a snort.
As Gaucho righted himself, making Note’s smaller frame in front of him and slightly to the right, the sound of lightning cracking caused his head to shoot straight up. Nostrils flared, Gaucho only had time to see the after-image of the lighting as it faded from the sky. Almost instantaneously, he felt a searing white-hot pain, as the bolt struck the hardened bone of his withers. Screaming in brtual agony as his flesh burned away, Gaucho wriggled his wings as if that would prevent the burn from some how spreading, for the pain which flared through his joints seemed to imply the lightning was everywhere. The only real consolation was the numbness which crept through his wither and upper shoulders, dulling the sensation of painful cearing, but leaving the tightness of newly burned flesh. Was that part of Note’s magic too? Or had all of his cells simply died?
As his wound blistered and blood leaked from the burst blood vessels near the entry point, Gaucho visciously felt the stirrings of his own magic begin to boil in his blood. Ears pinned to his head, he felt the sensation of emptying, as an eathereal mist poured from the dream catcher woven between his antlers. It floated high above Note before beginning to take shape. Slowly, muscles began to form, and the great hump of a grizzly bear. Landing behind Note, and standing about 12hh at the top of its massive head, the spirit-bear roared; great balls of smokey-saliva dripping from its jaws. Positioning both himself and the bear, to force Note to choose between one of them, Gaucho’s muscles moved with trained endurance given his recent spars, and yet the numbing of his back was an odd thing. He couldn’t feel where his wings joined his sides, nor could he feel his mane whip across his wither; it was bitter sweet, really. Either the numbing was only temporary, and Gaucho was in for a whole world of hurt in about 15 seconds, or it was permanent and....that wasn’t so good either.
Yet Gaucho’s primitive mind could only hold so many thoughts at once, and as he lunged towards Note, quickly eating up the 2 strides of distance between them, all he could think about was how much he wanted to make the stallion pay for whatever damage his lightning had done. Tucking his nose to his chin, Gaucho lunged forward and up, as if jumping over some invisible obstacle. As his body neared Note’s he tried to strike out at him with his rack of antlers, aiming at his neck , while at the same time he thrashed towards Note with his right foreleg, aiming for the stallion’s left shoulder as the momentum of his body hopefully carried him straight into Note. Behind Note, the spirit-bear roared, simply daring him to back up. With a smokey not-quite-solid paw- he lashed out towards the stallion’s hocks. As Gaucho’s hooves fell back to the ground he aimed a bite on the left side of Note’s neck, keeping himself close to the smaller stallion. Instinctivley, he knew that if he were to pull this lightning shit again and they were touching, it would be bad news for both of them. That, and at close range Gaucho’s size would likely be able to endure the dusty stallion’s attacks. As the soft dawn light began to illuminate the fields, Gaucho tucked his chin, lowering his antlers to just above the height of Note’s head defensively.
[Attack 2/2
Gaucho is really annoyed that he barely managed to hit Note. Facing the stallion (with Note a little to his right), he is zapped by the lightning, hitting his withers. Feeling the searing pain before Note's magic also causes it to numb away, Gaucho causes a large bear to appear on the other side of Note. His magic more causes fear, but it might also numb Note for 15 seconds if he touches the bear. Leaping towards Note, he tries to strike him in the neck with his antlers, hit his left shoulder with his right hoof, and bite the left side of his neck. As he comes down, he stays close to the stallion lowering his horns defensively.
Attack: Antlers, right front hoof kick, bite, spirit-bear.
Defense: Lowers his head and stays close.]
The lightning had more affect on Gaucho than Note thought it would. The monster of a stallion seemed like he was actually hurting. 'You doofus, it's lightning; it hurts,' He cursed silently to himself. Gaucho was a Throat horse, hurting him would mean hurting his allies, which is not the best idea considering the circumstances.
Note didn't think Gaucho would be angry enough with him to actually do anything too terrible to him, but Note was rarely right about those kinds of things. Bears, large and not quite solid, appeared on either side of Note. Fear coursed through his veins, feeling smaller than ever compared to Gaucho and the bears. He wanted to run. Run far away, away from the bears and the fighting and this goddamn spar.
Before Note even had time to plan his escape, Gaucho was upon him again. His antlers knocked against his throat as Note reared, throwing the front half of his body away from Gaucho but no closer to the bears. His defense was no use; the antlers tore at his long nape, carving a gash in the side of his neck. The gash seared with pain, leaving Note feeling out of sorts. It wasn't deep, but it spanned across half his nape. Why did this stallion have to be so large? It gave him an advantage when it came to attacks such as that one.
The sting of another small cut was felt on Note's shoulder, no doubt caused by Gaucho's hoof. As Note turned his body, he caught the sight of one of the spirt bears lashing at his hocks. He couldn't let himself be harmed anymore. Note bunched up his hind legs then launched himself into Gaucho, keeping his neck tucked and not daring to turn his head back to the stallion. His teeth lashed out at Note's neck, but made no contact as the dusty bay had turned away from the monster. Note's back hooves once again met the ground, but he kept rearing, for he had never stopped. The stallion lunged forward to Gaucho's right flank, aiming his hooves for the larger stallion's elbow, as it was the only place on this huge horse he could reach at this point. He threw himself at Gaucho's shoulder, hoping to knock him away. Note knew that wouldn't work, but he sure did hope it would keep the monster at bay momentarily; he had used most of his strength on the simple push. As he tried to bump into Gaucho's shoulder, he bit at the stallion's flank. Maybe that would teach Gaucho to mess with horses his own size.
02-17-2013, 01:10 PM (This post was last modified: 02-17-2013, 01:11 PM by Gaucho.)
Gravedigger, when you dig my grave can you make it shallow? So that I can feel the rain..
As Gaucho’s antlers tore into Note’s neck, the bay was unable to determine the extent of the damage that they had caused. Even though Gaucho had not rubbed them against any trees, or rocks to sharpen their edges, he still assumed that their points were not so blunt as to have no effect. As they collided, all that Gaucho was able to feel was slightly less resistance than he imagined he should, indicating that perhaps his antlers had broken the skin. The brute was satisfied by this assumption, that Note had been well and truly paid-back for his lightning blow as the scent of his hot blood wafted towards Gaucho on the sweet-floral air of the Fields. As his hoof struck the smaller stallion’s shoulder, his steely gaze watched Note twist in midair to avoid the bite and the spirit bear simultaneously. Grinning internally at the stallion’s advantageous use of his more slender build and size, he could both see and feel his spirit-bears’ dismay as Note launched away from its challenging snarls.
Given Note’s coiled position, Gaucho felt sure that the stallion meant to lunge into his right shoulder. But just as the bay was about to throw himself to the right, to counter the smaller-stallion’s force, it hit him; his 30 seconds were up. With a scream of pain, flaring veins of what felt like fire raced down from his wither into his shoulder and upper back, burning everything they touched. It was as if Note had struck him with lightning all over again, yet this time there was no soothing numbness to follow. Staggering to the right, their differences in size saved Gaucho from a crippling blow to the knee, as Note’s hoof sailed under his belly. And yet given the force with which Note kicked, and the closer proximity due to Gaucho’s stumble towards him, the dusty stallion’s body slammed into Gaucho’s shoulder with possibly more force than it would have, had is kicked landed. Even though his wound was high on his wither, the impact on his right shoulder still caused pain to arch down from the burn, and Gaucho’s body moved to the left. Normally, given their differences in size, at this close range Note would only have been able to manage to cause him to stumble, yet aided by the pain in his wither, Gaucho’s mind was distracted, and as Note shoved him, the bay’s body willingly moved.
As his hips swung to the left, he felt teeth on his flank. The pain almost didn’t register - his mind couldn’t comprehend such a small amount of pain in comparison with the wound on his wither. Yet because Note had moved him out of the way, the dusty stallion’s teeth didn’t take as much of a purchase as they possibly could have, and while he would surely have a bruise, the skin was unbroken.
With an angry snort, Gaucho’s hips continued to swing away, and the bay backed up a few paces. Now perpendicular to Note, his steely gaze cast over the stallion. He noted the blood trickling from Note’s neck, surely from where Gaucho’s antlers has struck him. Raising his antlered brow, he felt a tightness in his neck, as if his muscles were trying to prevent him from moving his burned flesh anymore than he needed to. In reality, the wound from the lightning was only about 2 inches wide - and given the enormous heat from the current, had cauterized the wound almost immediately. While the chances of infection were less, Gaucho would surely need to seek medical attention - he risked having the wound heal abnormally, if the outside healed faster than the inside.
Rotating his right shoulder, from where Note had struck it, he felt the tightness of the muscle, and decided that he would walk back to the Throat, to try and stretch out his battered muscles. Inhaling deeply, he looked around the Heavenly Fields, marveling in his own simple way at how odd it was that Note’s blood might stain a flower or two, in this beautiful place. As a breeze wafted by, a reminder of the magic from Azzuen’s funeral, the bay hoped he had done the General proud, and that he was looking down from the Great Fields in the Sky, happy to see two of his soldiers remaining true to his vision. Closing his steely gaze, Gaucho sent a silent prayer into the Sky, as he felt the last stirrings of the wind-magic flow from his body; Be in Peace, Brother.
[WC: 787
Closing Defense: Stumbles to the right given the pain he now feels in his wither - Note's kick misses by his slams into Gaucho's right shoulder, pushing him to the left - given the movement, while Note's teeth do meet Gaucho's flank, it does not break the skin. ]
G a u c h o | N o t e
- - - - - By my verdict GAUCHO is the winner. Gaucho has been awarded one VP and has earned the battle buff Bulk. Now that you have more than two buffs, be sure to specify which you are using during spars.
GAUCHO -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism] + 1| Attack: windstorm directed toward Note. + 1| Attack: directing his antlers toward Note's side. + 1| Attack: Throwing his shoulder toward Note's left shoulder. + 1| Attack: Bucking as he runs by toward Note's left hip.
[Prose] + 1| Emotion + 1| Flow + 1| Ease of Read NOTE -- post 1
[Realism] + 1| Injury: Not sure if this should be listed as injury, but eh. Realistic response to the windstorm. - 1| Defense: Rearing when a much larger opponent is charging is never a smart idea. Horses are very easily unbalanced while rearing. + 1| Defense/Attack: kicking at Gaucho's neck to redirect his horns. 0 | Injury: no mention if the horns scrape or miss entirely specified. I am assuming this was because you did not want to powerplay your opponent, so I won't count off. You have to state it, however, for future note. - 1| Dropped attack: no mention of Gaucho's shoulder bash. + 1| Defense: turning away from Gaucho's hooves. + 1| Attack: Biting at Gaucho's hocks. I'm really not a fan of biting at kicking legs, but if you are going to go for it anywhere, the hock is the best place. - 1| Injury: ITS ONLY A FLESH WOUND. Ahem. I am not sure how you can bite at Gaucho's hock and have his kick just hit Note's stifle, unless Note is bent in half. Good mention of pain and injury description, but look at the anatomy! + 1| Attack: Lightning toward Gaucho's spine. I liked that you mentioned the background lightning to bring this about.
[Prose] 0| Emotion: very dry and mechanical. + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read GAUCHO -- post 2
[Realism] + 1| Injury: Blood blisters on the neck from Note's hooves. + 1| Defense: Tail whip. - 1| Injury: Failure to mention whether or not Note's bite lands. - 1| Position: You do not mention turning, only "righting" Gaucho, and Note is in front of him suddenly. + 1| Injury: Realistic shooting of pain and numbness from the lightning. I would have liked to see his vision affected for a few moments and his movements made jerky, but I can hang. + 1| Attack: Sandwiching Note between mist bear and launching himself toward Note's body. + 1| Attack: Bear swipes out at Note's back legs. + 1| Attack: Biting at Note's neck.
[Prose] + 1| Emotion 0| Flow: The first part mentions how Gaucho's attacks miss, but then you correct and say that it hits a stifle after some jumbling of words. Ultimately, this knocked the flow of your post and did not make logical sense. + 1| Easy Read NOTE -- post 2
[Realism] 0| I didn't feel like counting off for this because it didn't directly affect your opponent, but there was only one bear. Be sure to read carefully! + 1| Injury: Gash from Gaucho's horns. - 1| Defense: Rearing when you are being knocked into, as I stated earlier, is unwise. Note could easily be knocked over by a much larger opponent like Gaucho. + 1| Injury: cut from Gaucho's hooves. + 1| Defense: Bucking toward Gaucho to avoid the swipe of the bear and Gaucho's bite. You didn't mention aim, but in the harried situation and considering he is trying to avoid a bear swipe I find that more or less realistic. - 1| Attack: Lunging at Gaucho's flank. This was a good enough idea for an attack, but Note had just finished bucking at Gaucho, and you make no mention of turning toward his body, so simply moving forward would be taking you -away- from him, not toward him. + 1| Attack: foreleg kick toward Gaucho's elbow; "as it was the only place on this huge horse he could reach at this point" was really cute. xD + 1| Attack: Throwing his body at Gaucho's shoulder. - 1| Attack: biting at Gaucho's flank in this instance would be going backwards. You cannot be moving forward and backward at the same time.
[Prose] + 1| Emotion was better. + 1| Flow + 1| Easy Read GAUCHO -- post 3 (defense only)
[Realism] + 1| Injury: Return of the lightning! 0 | Defense: Kick to the belly instead of a leg. No mention of the extent of the injury. - 1| Injury: Disobeying the laws of physics. Momentum decreases proportionally with distance. His slam to the shoulder caused by Gaucho's stagger would therefore be less powerful, but you state it as an increase. + 1| Injury: Bite to the flank. GAUCHO
[Bonus] 0 | Breed comparison: While you compare the two, at one point in this fight Gaucho is also confused by Note's speed. Since you did not have a swift buff during this time, Note would be considerably more lithe and nimble than Gaucho, so I cannot award the point.
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
Nothing of note.
Comments: Review the basic laws of momentum! I don't like them being broken. Otherwise, you should a good understanding of time frames, though I have noticed in your fights that you tend to pack a lot of punch in a small amount of time. There is nothing wrong with lots of attacks, but it is typically wiser not to have your posts span such a large amount of time, as you allow your opponent more room to evade and manipulate. Be careful to be explicitly clear with movements, not just for your opponent, but for me, your lovely judge who reads these. Awesome job! Love seeing your growth. NOTE
[Bonus] + 1| Breed comparison.
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity] + 1| Having the lightning spur his use of his magic was pretty creative, and it also helped close the gap of his logic.
Comments: If you take anything away from this fight it is to learn horse anatomy and balance. Rearing severely unbalances horses, and doing this against a larger opponent who is throwing themselves at you will end with your character in the dirt, realistically. Be very careful about anatomy and direction of movement, as you made some very common rookie mistakes during this fight that I think can be easily avoided. Draw it out, map it out, do whatever you can to make sure you are responding accurately and realistically. Otherwise, work on emotion. The rest of this was good! TOTAL
Gaucho - 64
Note - 61
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[COMPLETE] dressed to fight, gaucho
![[Image: 5105621d5416e]](http://images.helovia.net/index.php/view/5105621d5416e)
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