the Rift


[complete] Bloodlust [Azzaron]

Treand Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#1
It was a morning destinied to be spattered in gore. Firstly, the sky was red, crimson streaked over rusted orange, yellow spilling into the lightening night sky, sudden and abrupt. Stars were fading swift under the aggressive sun, the sun coming racing up as quick as it could, glowing softly with its impatience, silhouetting the tundra is fine aureate, ruby lines; thick lines, thin delicate ones, the wove around each detail, no matter how small. Ice, glacial ice and snow that remained sullen year-round, was soft and thick under the feet, hard-packed. When the sun reached its peak and began to melt it with its warm smile, it would soften suitably to wet, sticky white powder, nearing slush in some parts. Yet for now it remained a thick, slightly icy sheet over granite and stone. The sea, roughly twelve meters away, slapped against the ice-slick, dangerously slippery bank leading down to it, more a slide than a bank really.

On this land of blood-red and alabaster, there was a black shape. Brawny, broad-chested, slightly grizzled around the muzzle and face, with a prominent fuzz coating him even in the heat of summer, it was clear he was a fighter. His horn, wickedly sharpened to a needle point, before thickening to a broad, stout base, glittered maliciously in the frosty red lighting. It gleamed with red runes and carvings along it, fading to an obliterating black at the head, and the crimson coming back in the stallion's cold, uncaring eyes.

Treand flared his nostrils, shifting his weight in preparation, muscles tight and heavy. The Basin was well enough, with it's unicorns, even if somewhat disappointing with its act of keeping slaves- how one could bother the upkeep was lost to him. The only thing good for horses, and pegasi, was death. Death to them all; and let their corpses rot in the hottest levels of hell. The sturdily built stallion lowered his head, horn brushing the ground, legs impatient. He was hungry for a fight, to eradicate more of the be-damned unequals, those of blood corrupted, equines and other bitter animals of non-unicorn blood. Treand wanted to purge them from this world, wipe them off the face of it, shred them, murder them, stick them through with his horn and gut them, leaving them to bleed a long death. Here, apparantly, they roamed free, due to lax attention of the leader, whoever she was, of the Basin. That was why females should not lead. They knew nothing about the direct approach.

Treand inhaled, and exhaled; and bellowed, "Fight me!"

[800 word max, 4 posts and closing defense, magic allowed!]

Azzaron Posts: 85
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17 hh :: 10 years Buff: NOVICE
Dark
#2


[[Guessing this takes place in the Basin.]]

It was a nice day, flying through the sky, my wings outstretched. An array of colors dance through the sky, hues of red, orange, pink, blue. So many colors in just one sky. My cream hair whips in the wind as I soar above the cold Aurora Basin. Such monsters that lived here. They were all racist bastards. I snort, disgusted. As I peer down at the snow capped mountains, I see a dark figure. I'm tempted to fly away from it, but I just can't. Instead I swoop down, flinging snow everywhere as I land.

Why... why did this stallion look so familiar? Had I seen him before or something? No, no I hadn't. But... why did he remind me of Delinne a little bit? I shake large my head, thinking I'm crazy. I probably shouldn't be thinking about Delinne when this horn head shouts out he was looking to fight. I snort, a fight? Good. I toss my head, although this guy is fat and tall, I'm pretty sure I could beat him.

Possibly.

In an instant I lunge towards the bulky brute, constantly shifting from the left and the right side. I race past the stallions' right side, aiming to nip his face or his bulky neck. I spin around, facing his rear. How about I ask this guy if he knows Delinne? My lips curl into a smile as I rear up, my wings tucked at my sides. I attempt to bring my gray hooves down onto the red eyed stallions' back. "Do you know Delinne?" An odd time to ask him, but I wanted to know. I bring all four hooves back to the permafrost covered ground, feeling the cold seep under my skin as I do. I shiver, retreating away from the stallion. I stand about a wing length or two from the stallion, my hooves striking the ground and causing the snow to go flying everywhere. I circle the stallion, keeping my fiery eyes on his face, but constantly flicking them to his legs. I wait for him to strike. I was prepared.

Prepared to destroy him.

"Blah blah blah."

ooc: Opening Attack 1/1 (And spazzy Azz)

word count: 354

"When you grow old, you will die and rot on the ground,
Other horses will dance when you all crumble, when your kingdom falls.
When your crowns break."

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#3
( To clarify the confusion on this thread, you may proceed without penalty.

Challenges are separate from spars, and Azzaron is free to join this fight without injury penalty points. )

Treand Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#4
The rather shaggy stallion is answered. There is but a rush of wings and rustling feathers, the sound more like the whispering wind than anything, but the wind is not golden or red or cream. For the answering inferior beast is a pegasus, smooth-skulled and eyes a ruby orange, wings painted and striped in a vivid arrays of the red end of the spectrum, slender and tall. Treand has not seen a pegasus ever heavy and bulky in build, so he is not surprised to see this stallion is fine-boned and carefully sculpted. Briefly the soldier wonders as to his name- is it something suitably fitting to his ugly yellow coat? Or is it, maybe, rediculously cheesy, such as Firebreather or Starcoat or Pinkwing, like the many absolutely retarded names he has heard before for the featherbrain air-head winged horses.

Treand tenses, dropping his head and tucking it neatly, protecting his throat, horn glistening in the bleeding red light. The pegasus' feints and snake-like movements, while disorienting, will not come of anything. He must pay attention to the pegasus' eyes, for they often slip up and betray the horse's aim. Perhaps he missed it- but suddenly the golden-boy is rushing toward his right flank, lips peeling back to nip at the broad, heavy muscle of the soldier's neck. In response, the heavier stallion skitters towards him, hooves slipping slightly on the ice. The opposer will likely have advantage in speed, but a heavier weight will provide more bulky muscle and strength, as well as a more solid grip on the slippery hard-pack.

Treand ducks his head and twists it to the left, avoiding spearing the stallion- and swings his hindquarters towards the stallion, legs flashing out in quick succession to what he hopes would be the hind legs of the stallion, but the pale gold-red lighting blurs the golden pegasus. The stallion does not take the bite to his neck, and when he finds Azzaron beside him, rearing up, his ears pin and he braces his shoulder, going barreling towards Azzaron's exposed stomach, his right flank and shoulder taking what would be most of the weight should the attempt to knock him off balance go through. As he aims, hooves come to scrape along his shoulder, mildly painful but nothing more than bruising.

At mention of Delinne, Treand's ears lock against skull, and he dances away, baring his teeth fiendishly. "My daughter? Where is she?" Yet as he speaks he charges the retreating stallion, fueled by a red rage that Azzaron dares to mention his abandoning princess, coming towards his golden chest, head lowered and horn ready to take him through the heart, splinter that great beating thing and rip it to shreds. Treand fights down a fury that will make him more reckless, grunting slightly as he charges, ebony hide glistening in the light.

Azzaron Posts: 85
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17 hh :: 10 years Buff: NOVICE
Dark
#5


I feel the dark stallions' coal black side slam against my pale coat. I flick my ears back, throwing my neck towards the stallion and aiming a quick bit to his neck muscle. This time I gather my strength, hoping to bite through the flesh. I can barely get my grey hooves to stay still on the icy ground, for they're constantly sliding about. I get a bit frustrated and kick out towards the coal brute.

I'm too late to dodge the stallion's flying hooves completely. I feel the large, sharp dagger-like hooves scrape against my thigh. I hold back a squeal of pain, thinking I'd sound like some little filly. I see a chance, and as the stallion withdraws his leg I nip at it, my nostrils flaring. I keep my ears glued to my head as I aim the bite at the stallions' large leg.

I can feel the cold spreading through my body. This guy's burning body would make a nice fire starter... I grin, devilish thoughts whirling through my head. I snort, trying to keep the thoughts from crawling in again. I had to focus on fighting this bastard. I narrow my eyes, watching his movements. It was strange, me just fighting this random stallion.

I watch as the stallion retreats, flicking his ears back. He bares his teeth at me, and then the words slip from his black lips. Delinne, is his... daughter?? I'm wide-eyed, completely shocked. I wasn't expecting this. He seems like an abusive father, just the way he looks, how cruel he fights. Is that why Delinne came here... to get away from him? No, fathers are supposed to be nice and teach you life skills. At least, that's what my father did. I pause for a moment, wondering if I should tell him where Delinne is."I... I don't know where she is. May I ask this, why'd she come here? Was she trying to get away from someone?" I close my mouth, my ears still flicked back. I was lying about the first bit, but the question wasn't a lie. I wanted to know why she came here.

I have only a moment to see the black brute charging towards me. He intended to kill me the way he pointed his horn at me. I propel myself upwards with my wing, his horn scraping against my leg. I kick downwards at his skull, annoyed. He just charges me?! Geez... he is a bastard!! I snort, shaking my head. I circle the stallion, not yet touching the ground. I keep myself just above him where he won't be able to reach me unless he grows wings and flies after me. Which would be pretty impossible.

"Blah blah blah."

ooc: Attack 1/4

word count: 454

"When you grow old, you will die and rot on the ground,
Other horses will dance when you all crumble, when your kingdom falls.
When your crowns break."

Treand Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#6
The ebony stallion gives a grunt of quiet satisfaction as he rams successfully into the tall, slender Thoroughbred- his extra weight compared to the pegasus' litheness would, if all went well, tip the scales towards Treand. For a moment all he feels is feathers and smooth hide, but by the time the stallion is attempting to bite at his neck, Treand is moving past, oily black legs already flashing out, packing all his strength behind it. A tremor runs up his hinds as they make contact with the hardened muscle of a thigh, and as he comes down to all fours teeth snatch at his leg, his right leg; Treand squeals his displeasure. Immediately his right hind throbs, steady and hot, and the unicorn allows himself a brief grimace, before arranging his features back into the scowling uniformity.

While Treand does not allow himself to be fully pulled away by thoughts, there is the quickest of seconds where his mind tries to process the information Azzaron offered by questioning his relationship to Delinne. What does the pegasus fluff-brain have to do with her? Surely Delinne does not like the ones not blessed with a horn upon their brows. It was unimaginable that the daughter he had raised, in the few moments he had cared for her, anyway, had taken a pegasus on as a friend... or more? No. Certainly this stallion was nothing more than an acquaintance. Treand refused to think there was more to it. Yet the way this stallion spoke, it was as if he cared about Treand's bitch daughter. As if! Delinne was too good for scum- and she was subject to him. In her later days, Treand was going to rape her, he had no doubt of, for his twisted, foul mind went beyond the simple abusive father. It went to inbreeding and dark deeds, the pain of the sword upon his brow should she disobey. For most part, however, the Friesian had ignored her, until she would've been due to become queen. Even after her 'coronation', little would've happened to her, apart from bearing colts as he ordered her.

The wind twisted as the Delinne-someone shot up from the ground, wings flaring. For a moment Treand kept barreling past, hooves sliding over the ground, finding it difficult to find purchase of the slick surface, until he digs in with his hinds, nearly sitting on his hindquarters. Swiftly he turns; his mouth twisted and he reared, muscles tensing, before giving way reluctantly, falling to the ground with heavy feet, backing away silently, crimson eyes watching the stallion with murderous intent. "Going somewhere, insolent wretch? Quite the filly you are- too afraid of me, are you? That's understandable for a fool like you." Treand snarled, one hoof gouging into the slick surface. Slowly he had rotated around until the sun was at his back, knowing this would be a powerful instrument to blinding the opponent. Of course, it was an old trick in the book, Treand had to admit however reluctantly, and the golden pegasus was probably well-aware to keep circling. The searing white of the rising sun was not something to be looked upon by any but the gods.



Attack Post: 2/4
WC: 496

Summary: Azzaron's bite is dodged. As Treand kicks out, Azzaron's teeth make contact and slide off the right leg; when Azzaron takes off, Treand stops and then turns, rearing up in a futile attempt to reach him. After, he circles until the sun is at his back.

OOC: Sorry I forgot the summary <3

Azzaron Posts: 85
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17 hh :: 10 years Buff: NOVICE
Dark
#7


I watch as the stallion squeals in pain like a little filly. I wanted to insult him, but that would probably just get him angrier. I'm satisfied that I was able to get him to squeal. For a moment I can spot grimace hanging upon his face but it is quickly diminished. I frown, watching as he fixes his expression back up.

I'm looking down at the black scum bag, my wings outstretched. I twirl around to watch him rear up in an attempt to get me. I grin, diving towards him, my hooves outstretched and ready to pierce his exposed stomach. I make sure to be quick about it, keeping my head tucked into my throat. I propel myself backwards and freeze as soon as he starts yelling insults at me. I didn't even pay attention to the sky, although it's light was bright. I had grown up with fire you idiot! I snorted, tossing my elegant head. "You bastard! By the way you act I'm beginning to wonder if Delinne was running away from you!"

I can feel the rage as it consumes me, and I'm dying to turn this scum into a living torch. Let him run around screaming his head off because he's burning from the inside out. I smile cruelly, my fiery red orbs focused on him. I snorted, pawing the air as though it is the ground. I beat my large wings, letting them pull me through the air. I angle myself down, eying the stallions' face. But that's not what I was going for. I keep my eyes on his face, and acted as though I was going to attack his face. But instead I swooped down, my head tucked into my neck and my hooves outstretched. I flew straight towards his stomach, my teeth bared and neck twisted I try and aim a bite at his neck or his shoulder while I throw my hooves towards his gut. I wanted to scrape my dagger-like hooves across his side and let him bleed out. Yes, that was what I wanted to do.

I swoop around, the sun now on my back. I straighten up, my wings spread out fully. The sun beat on my back, and I cats a large shadow that blanketed the area. Let this bastard gaze upon my divinity as I float for a moment within the sky. I hover there, my wings beating ever so slightly as I face that needle headed scum bag. I wanted him to suffer. Let the Sun god come down here and punish this little fool for all that he's done. Whatever he's done that is.

He's probably murdered someone.

"Blah blah blah."

ooc: Attack 2/4

word count: 446

"When you grow old, you will die and rot on the ground,
Other horses will dance when you all crumble, when your kingdom falls.
When your crowns break."

Treand Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#8
TREAND


As Treand strain upwards, higher and higher in a vain attempt, joints cracking and groaning in protest, the stallion smiles, wider and wider, splitting his face into a grin nearly as ugly as his coat, and comes diving down at the black stallion, towards his exposed stomach. Fool, the unicorn thinks, and in the brief moment before collision, he drops, onto all fours. If the pegasus were not absurdly stupid to put himself under the unicorn's legs in a manner doomed to failure, perhaps he would be okay. Perhaps.

Somehow the pegasus is soaring away, however, and Treand's mind focuses sharply on the palomino. Naturally as a pegasus, it would be easy for him to retreat, which Treand attributed to all pegasi. Pegasi always ran away when they faced something a little more difficult than usual for them. Now if only he could use that to his advantage... cut off his wings? Slice through the veins and pull out the feather? A malevolent smile lifts his lips, a wicked grin at the thought of bloody images. Treand had no aversion to getting his hands dirty.

Poorly attuned to creating insults he must be, for when the pegasus has the 'best' insult of 'bastard', which the ebony unicorn racks up to a compliment. "Is that the best you can come up with, yellow-belly? I daresay you will never find a mare to fuck!" Treand calls out, lifting his head to keep his eyes on the stallion. He stolidly plants his feet, bracing himself, relying on his brute strength to fend off the stallion as opposed to light feet. With an even heavier, stronger opponent, the positions would be switched, but Treand was a Friesian, as opposed to thin-skinned Thoroughbred. He was bred for generation after generation to be used to pull with a flashy gait- looks and strength all in one. As for Delinne running away from Treand... despite all his shortness of temper and foul behavior, the unicorn was not a damned idiot.

In short, he hated this stallion with the very core of his being for even suggesting Delinne's name. A lesson the pegasus would need to be taught.

It seems the stallions' sallies at each other were finished for now, as Azzaron came flying in, shadow growing larger as he neared the ground. Red eyes fixed on red; Treand, masterful at blank expression, carefully veiled the rage threatening to spill up at any moment. Delinne deserved punishment, as did this stallion who continuously attempted to goad him. For the gods' sake, he was smack-dab in the middle of Aurora Basin territory- not in any way would it be easy for him to escape if crippled. If crippled. Wings. Yes, target the wings. Cause pain to those fragile bones and the golden feathers.

Treand dropped his head in preparation.

Yet instead, wings were buffeting his flank. Quick, his mind urged him, quicker! In a split second reaction, Treand turned, scraped shoulder twinging in protest. Turning towards the pale pegasus, the obsidian unicorn, in both mental and physical attributes, he jabbed forward with his horn towards the stallion's shoulder, barrel swinging away from the seeking hooves, and the bites instead landed on nothing but air. Carefully Treand aims to slice the golden shoulder- the left shoulder, as Treand's to the left of Azzaron- deeply.

Again the pegasus gives way, this time silhouetted against the blinding sun. Treand half-closes his eyes, shifting himself so he is perpendicular to the stallion. As horses can do, he uses his monocular vision so he focuses mainly out of his right eye, the eye away from the bright sun and stallion. The one problem with using his monocular vision instead of binocular is that he may not see Azzaron very well.

"Scared, are we boy?" He bellows, readying his stance again to tuck down his head and brace himself.



WC: 644
Attack Post: 3/4
Magic Uses: 0/2

Image by Ina

Azzaron Posts: 85
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17 hh :: 10 years Buff: NOVICE
Dark
#9


Alright, this fat chunk of blubber was getting on my nerves. I snort, annoyed. Maybe it would be best if I just burned him? He's already coal black, you wouldn't notice the burns on his corpse. Unless of course I let him burn for long enough that there is no corpse. Just a few bones and a pile of ash. Yes, that sounded pleasing. I shake my pale gold head, staring down at the stallion as though I was a god, and I was judging this stallion for all the sins he has committed.

I throw my fore legs out as the cursed stallion yells insults. I grin, laughing slightly. "My, my, a feisty beast are we? And just to let you know... there is one mare. You should know her very well, in fact, you two share blood. In fact, you happen to be her sire. Didn't you know this?" I feel a cold smile slide across my face, and I wait for the stallions' reaction. I wanted to see the shock creep across his expressionless features.

Or maybe he'll just become more aggressive? I smile, who cared. I would burn this buffoon to ashes when and if, I needed to. I sigh, swooping down behind the stallion and letting the light flood the area once more. Letting the shadows shrink back and letting the bright rays of light beam down upon the cold earth. I'm facing the butt-faced stallions' rear, and I fold my wings close against my body, knowing wings are good targets for enraged horses. Especially unicorns who could spear the bone and tear out a few feathers. I shiver at the thought before catching myself and placing a serious expression onto my pale gold features.

I was really angry now.

And so, someone's corpse would burn today.

I think you can guess whose corpse it will be.

I start the image, and wait for the screams of pain. I wanted this bastard to burn. Let him turn to ash.


"Blah blah blah."

ooc: Attack 3/4 Magic Used: 1/2 [[ So short... sorry. >.<]]

word count: 334

"When you grow old, you will die and rot on the ground,
Other horses will dance when you all crumble, when your kingdom falls.
When your crowns break."

Treand Posts: N/A
Unregistered
:: :: ::
#10
TREAND


I'm dying.

Burning, burning, burning; heat licking up inside him, pain flaring up, exploding with raw, fierce power, melting him. It was pain unlike anything Treand had experienced, and it was agony. He could not move, he could not do anything to avoid the catastrophic falling into the fires of hell. Had he been killed? Was this truly hell? It was smouldering hot, as if he had truly experienced the fiery pits of the land below, the land of the damned; and still it kept on, for what felt like hours. Forgotten was Azzaron's barbed comment of a mare, a mare named Delinne that had sent him into wild confusion and terrible fear, fear of it being truth; gone was his thoughts of murder and readiness to kill, to tear and pierce and jab and bite.

All there was was all-consuming, ferocious, pitiless, malevolent pain.

Suddenly it was gone, and Treand nearly keeled over, the raw cold too cold, freezing him, shredding him after the burning imperious heat. It was too bright after the black dots and swimming vision, the sun burning and sparkling off the snow into his eyes, and still Treand couldn't breath, lungs feeling raw, entire core feeling as if he had been dying. For a long minute he stood, frozen, unyielding, shivering and shuddering, haunted by the pain that had struck him so swiftly and so cruelly; and then he lifted his head, crimson eyes meeting ruby-gold. Treand's were furious, a cold, obliviating hate, a mad passion that would forgo all petty fights and spars one might find.

Yet as Treand tentatively began to move, he realized he was not burnt on the outside. Slowly, submissively so, he moved forward, head down, coming as close as he possibly could to Azzaron, ears twitching forward hesitantly. A lie, a sham, it all was, but this pegasus could not pick up on this, so simple was his disguise. Head down, eyes lowered, lips chewing. The hot-headed stallion had found it difficult to contain himself from attacking, savaging this creature after realizing he was mostly intact, yet nevertheless he could fight, if only out of the terrifying blood feud he invoked.

He had mounted his girl, the lady that was his daughter and would've been queen, and Treand was ready to tear him- limb. To. Limb. In a sudden flurry of movement, Treand rears, hooves digging in for purchase, muscles surging underneath him, and all of a sudden strikes a bizarre force that Treand unwittingly, blankly used, perhaps summoned by his rage. Time. It slows to a trickle, a steady little dribble that hardly flows. Yet he remains unaffected by it, much to his surprise. As much as he would enjoy to slaughter the stallion, instead he twists to the right of the pegasus, horn moving in a relaxed, swift arc towards the wing tightly tucked against pale flank, ready to score a deep cut along the edge of it.

A moment before he does so, however, feeling more confident with himself the magic stops, and so he is but an inch away from goring this palomino stallion.


WC: 519
Attack Post: 4/4
Magic Use: 1/2

Note about Magic: He pretty much just slowed Azzaron down to 1/2 the speed of himself- but the moment before he actually hurt Azzaron, the magic undid itself, so you can dodge the blow, it would just be very difficult- imagine the slowing of time kind of like adding weight to the 'victim'. Also, to any admins, I've posted in the Updates board for this magic but it wasn't yet updated.

Image by Ina

Azzaron Posts: 85
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17 hh :: 10 years Buff: NOVICE
Dark
#11


Uh-oh. Fat bastard's angry. I flick my ears back, watching as he crumples to the ground. I'm fooled for a moment before I see the way he moves. He isn't hesitant, he isn't wincing or screaming. He drags his worthless body towards me, as if to be for forgiveness. I don't really care what in the world he's thinking, just that I should move.

I begin to step back, trying to get away from the smelly old man. But he seems to be controlled by rage, for he rears up, screaming. I'm readying myself to just out of the way of his flailing hooves and his horn. But, in an instant I feel excess weight. I'm instantly surprised, for I move half the speed he's moving. I'm ready to scream out when the magic wears off.

But, it's too late.

I'm able to slide back, but he's already upon me. He has his horn aimed towards my wing. I'm there, wide eyed as I watch him begin to cut through the flesh. Before anymore damage can be done I throw my hooves up, side stepping so my wing is now out of reach. I'm enraged, wanting to destroy this stupid lard ball. I pound my hooves down towards the stallions' back, putting all the strength I had into it. I jump back, wincing as I spread out my wings. Crimson liquid begins to drip from the gash, and I scream out in rage. What a bastard! I charge him, my wings tucked and my hooves flailing. I leap at him, trying to bite his face. Let this bastard go blind! I try to scrape my hooves along his side before I withdraw, my teeth bared.

I would never let this bastard touch Delinne or Destry. I didn't even care that Delinne was his daughter anymore, this stallion had already proved he was too cruel. I would never let him take what I loved most away from me. Never. Ever.

I circle the stallion, my right wing still bleeding heavily. I would start a fire later and just sear the wound closed. I snort, my fiery eyes focused on the stallion. Was he going to attack again or run like a coward? I grin, almost laughing. I would love to see him run like a little coward. If only he did. I wait there, still circling him.

Waiting till the end.

"Blah blah blah."

ooc: Attack 4/4

word count: 396

"When you grow old, you will die and rot on the ground,
Other horses will dance when you all crumble, when your kingdom falls.
When your crowns break."

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#12


A z z a r o n | T r e a n d
- - - - -
By my verdict TREAND is the winner.

Treand has received one VP.

AZZARON -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
0| Attack: You cannot simultaneously run past your opponent and then bite out at them. You should have worded this differently. "As I run past the stallion, I reach out to bite his neck..." Because the way this is written sounds like I run past him, and then magically am in range if his neck still. This was a fine opening attack, but the wording makes it read funny.
+ 1| Attack: Rearing at Treand's back. This is unwise because Azzaron could be knocked over easily from a kick in this position. However, if your character was to make this mistake, there is nothing realistically wrong with it. Just something to think about.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: By retreating from Treand in this manner, you are assuming that Azzaron is not injured before he retreats, is not knocked over during his rear, and also that Tread has not moved at all for you to be able to circle him.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
0| Flow: The thoughts and movements of Azzaron are in plain English, but they seem heavily disjointed and do not connect to one another.
0| Emotion: This post left me wanting to feel... anything.

TREAND -- post 1

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: Moving toward Azzaron is a good tactic, but ultimately, you never directly mention how he avoids the bite, and, frankly, with this movement Azzaron's bite would likely land somewhere on his barrel. Also, this is an side-note but something I am seeing a trend of in recent fights, so I will address it now: the flank is not a synonym for the side of a horse. The flank is a very specific area near the bottom of the barrel toward the hip of the horse's leg. You can see it clearly here, as well as on the guides we provide to the site on horse anatomy.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking toward Azzaron's legs.
- 1| Defense/Attack: Treand is a much larger horse than Azzaron, and he is also fairly old especially for a wild horse. For him to be able to turn and then barrel into Azzaron during his rear would be an amazing feat. Also, I am fairly certain you got your directions confused here. Your right side was thrown toward Azzaron as he was running by, but now your LEFT side would be facing him and you state the right. You, again, say flank here in terms of what I am hoping is his side, because Azzaron would not be nearly wide enough to hit both the shoulder and flank of Treand.
0 | Injury: You do not mention which shoulder is taking damage, and since you got the direction wrong in your defense, I cannot just assume here.
+ 1| Attack: charging at Azzaron's chest.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
0| Easy Read: you got some directions and terminology messed up in this post that confused me a bit, but it wasn't worth taking off for.
+ 1| Flow

AZZARON -- post 2

[Realism]
0 Injury: Having Treand's side hit Azzaron was a good call, but this has little to no detail for me to go off of. Where is the pain? What damage did it do? Was he knocked off balance?
- 1| Attack: Drawing out this fight would help. During this time frame, Azzaron's head would be nowhere near Treand's neck, so the aim is off. Secondly, you cannot go in and add attacks that are not mentioned in your first post. You are already past this point in your last post. You cannot rewrite history.
- 1| Attack: Where are you kicking? "Towards" him is too general, unless you specifically denoted that Azzaron had no general aim. Also, again, you are inserting attacks here that should not be present.
+ 1| Injury: Good taking of the kick to his legs. Redirecting to the thigh was a good call.
0| Attack: Nothing else was wrong with biting after his legs except it's a direct attack and not a counterattack, which you cannot insert here. Fights have a flow. Challenger attacks, defender counterattacks/defends, defender attacks, challenger counterattacks/defends, challenger attacks.... blah blah blah. Notice how the counterattacks and defenses come before any new attacks. Do not insert new attacks before you finish responding to all of the attacks from your opponent, unless they are strictly counterattacks.
0 | Defense: Lifting Azzaron up with your wings was actually a good call in this case. However, I don't have any idea how Azzaron would be quick enough even given the difference in build to take off completely and be flying. Also, I originally interpreted this as a rear aided by his wings, and didn't realize he was flying until later in your post.
- 1| Injury: You mention his horn scrapes his leg, but where? How painful was it? How big of a wound is it? I would usually settle with awarding a 0 here, but legs are very important to horses. This is a crucial area to take a hit, but you sort of write it off as no big deal.
+ 1| Attack: kicking at his head, with what I assume are his forelegs. It was a good idea, so I didn't count off, despite it having some technical issues like... details.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: Better than the last post. Still, your post reads a little dry.
- 1| Easy Read: the lack of detail in the beginning made this almost impossible to interpret without referencing Treand's last post directly.
+ 1| Flow

TREAND -- post 2

[Realism]
0| Sidenote: Treand was not ramming when he hits Azzaron, this was when he swung his backside around toward him. Azzaron's post was very vague and this doesn't affect the fight, so I didn't count off. Read carefully!
+ 1| Injury: Bite to the right back leg. I wish you would have made this hit somewhere on his rump instead of his leg, but it was well written.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read: You did good considering Dark didn't give you much to go off of, and left Treand out to dry, so to speak.

AZZARON -- post 3

[Realism]
- 1| Attack: Diving for Treand's exposed belly. There is a lot wrong with this attack, and I am not going to sugar coat it for you. Basically, Azzaron's body spans three times as much in the air with the extension of his wings. The lithe build of his body doesn't help much in ways of speed, and he would have a difficult time making turns. You write this as if his movements are instantaneous, but they are not. By the time Azzaron began diving, Treand would probably be safe on the ground and beginning to reposition himself with the sun in Azzaron's eyes. It was a good idea for an attack, if Azzaron had been facing Treand to begin with, which he was not.
0| Sidenote: Regardless of whether or not Azzaron had grown up with fire, the intense light of the sun would still be blinding, unless he had no rods in his eyes, which means that he would be unable to see as soon as the sun went down.
0| Attack: Trying to swoop down and ram Treand's sides with his front hooves. Failure to indicate which side.
+ 1| Attack: Trying to bite at Treand's neck.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: Again, you retreat here. I didn't count off the first time you do this in your post because I figure double penalizing you is unfair. However, you did this in the first post too. By retreating and flying away, you assume your opponent does nothing to stop or hinder Azzaron in leaving. You may not be explicitly stating your opponent does something, but you are implying they take no action, which in itself is a response.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
0| Easy Read: Lack of detail and confusing movements made this difficult for me to interpret.

TREAND -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Slamming your hooves down to avoid your belly being hit.
- 1| Injury: Failure to mention whether or not his attack lands on Treand.
+ 1| Attack: trying to stab at Azzaron's shoulder.
+ 1| Defense: Swinging barrel away from Azzaron.
- 1| Defense: Again, I am not certain how this movement keeps Azzaron's bite from missing entirely. With a broad neck like Treand's, I think it would still hit, especially since you are putting his head near Azzaron's shoulder.
- 1| Horses may be able to shut one eye, but their eyes are on the side of their head. If Treand was to close his one eye while the other is facing away, he would not be able to see Azzaron at all. Humans can still see with a lack of some depth perception because our eyes are in the front of our skulls, but it is not the same with horses.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

AZZARON -- post 4

[Realism]
- 1| Dropped attack: No mention of Treand's horn jab.
+ 1| Attack: Using Azzaron's magic on Treand.
0| Sidenote: If I am reading this correctly, Azzaron is standing behind Treand. Is there are reason you are choosing to have Azzaron standing directly behind a horse aside from wanting him to be kicked? :| I just thought this was a very odd, unnecessary, and unwise tactic.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

TREAND -- post 4

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: realistic response to the magic attack.
- 2| Powerplay: "A lie, a sham, it all was, but this pegasus could not pick up on this, so simple was his disguise." -- You cannot declare that your opponent is unable to do anything. If Azzaron wants to be suspicious of a stallion who was just trying to kill him, I think that is logical.
+ 1| Attack: Using his magic to get close enough to try and stab Azzaron's wing.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

AZZARON -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Trying to slide away from Treand but finding it difficult under the weight of his magic.
+ 1| Injury: Taking the jab to the wing.
- 1| Attack: rearing and trying to hit Treand with your hooves. This is a closing defense and no attacks are permitted.
- 1| Attack: trying to bite at his face. This is a closing defense and no attacks are permitted.
- 1| Attack: trying to scrape his side. This is a closing defense and no attacks are permitted.


AZZARON

[Bonus]
+ 2| Surroundings: Mentioning the snow, shadows and trying to use the sun to your advantage.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
Nothing of note.

Comments: You seem to have a good grasp on what attacks to dodge and which ones to take, but ultimately, you struggle a lot with fight mechanics. I do not think you understand the speed at which Azzaron can move, and often overestimate it when planning attacks. You also have a bad habit of retreating from your opponent and coming back to attack more, which basically assumes your opponent allows you to do so, a minor version of powerplay. You did not have as many issues with anatomy as I have seen in the past, however, and I can definitely tell you are improving. Try to keep working on it, and maybe have a teaching spar or two. I think you have potential but you are still failing to grasp a few important guidelines for fighting.

TREAND

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed comparison. You are mindful of the breed differences in the first half of this fight, but they slipped away toward the latter half.
+ 2| Surroundings: You mention slipping on ice, trying to use the sun, and the cold.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
Nothing of note.

Comments: Review horse anatomy. All of the glaring issues during this fight that you made were related to anatomy, so I think you need to have some sort of reference open during your fights. You had good judgment on attacks, interesting tactics, but your counterattacks and defenses need work. Do not be afraid to draw things out, even if they are little stick diagrams just to get a feel of what is going on. I think you handled the often vague posts from your opponent well during this fight, and you are excellent at incorporating the environment and breed comparisons. Keep up the good work!

TOTAL
Azzaron - 56
Treand - 65

Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


Forum Jump:


RPGfix Equi-venture