the Rift


[complete] Always Room for Improvement [Note]

Aryel Posts: 229
Dragon's Throat Soldier
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.4 :: 4
FennecFyre
#1



Only half a season til Orangemoon. That was the main thought that occupied Aryel's mind. Half a season til her duel with Crowley. Half a season til she could finally send the arrogant unicorn crying for his mommy. She couldn't wait.

But although the mare was foolhardy, she wasn't a complete idiot. If she was going to fight Crowley and do it well, she would need to be at the top of her game. Practice made perfect.

The first horse willing to spar with her was Note, another Throat soldier. She had met him briefly once, but they had not had a chance to speak much before they had to resume their patrols again. Neither of them had duty today, however.

"And again, I really appreciate you lending your time for this." the blue mare was saying as the two of them navigated the small canyon that led to her favorite sparring ground within the Throat. The walls of the canyon were far over their heads, and a lonely wind whistled through the sandstone gorge. A canyon certainly was an odd place to spar, but Aryel knew it wouldn't be narrow for too long. She had used the walk there to explain about her future fight with the Basin's Weaver, as well as her desire to train until then. "Oh, here we are." she said as the canyon opened up into what was nothing less than a natural arena. The ground sloped down slightly into a large, circular floor of sand ringed by canyon walls. The ring was not enormous, but more than wide enough to give two sparring horses plenty of space. She had fought here before, with Levi. She felt a pang as she realized it was the last time she had him. Where was her friend?

Aryel paced towards a large outcrop of rock that bulged out of the wall, then turned to look over her shoulder at the bundle of sleeping bat that crouched on her withers. "Java." she said quietly, causing the bat to wake with a tiny snort. Noticing the rock, he clambered up her neck and across the bridge of her nose to cling to the rock with his hind claws, wrapped his wings securely about himself, then went to sleep again almost immediately. Once her companion was secure, she trotted to the center of the ring to wait for Note. "We can start whenever you're ready." she said, turning to face the stallion and assuming a light-hoofed battle stance.

(No magic or companions, 3 posts each. I can sketch out the arena if you need me to.)

Walk walk walk walk.
"Talk talk talk talk."

ARYEL</style>
In blood and honor, we will prevail.</style>

image by gpabill @ flickr.com
Thanks for the good times, and no hard feelings for the bad times.

Vicer and Aryel's new threads never happened.


Note Posts: 183
Hidden Account
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 15.3hh :: 6 years Buff: NOVICE
Sabel :: Iberian Lynx :: Stormcall bry
#2

Note & Sabel
The walk through the canyon was pleasant enough; Note had listened quite well to Aryel's words, though he was not one for talking and hadn't said much himself. He had spent most of the walk admiring the scenery and sending Sabel images of the landscape. The kit liked the scenery too, even more since she had no eyesight of her own.

"It's fine," Note replied simply as Aryel continued to chatter, since she now directly addressing the stallion. His words had been polite, but few, which was often taken as hostility by the most ignorant of horses. Note sincerely hoped that Aryel hadn't thought of his words like that, since he really wasn't a hateful horse.

Note perked up when the roan and bay had finally reached the arena. It was beautifully carved out of the land, perfect for battles. He'd have to remember to come back one day and spar with others here. The stallion moved effortlessly over to a bush at the edge of the arena, following Aryel's example and tucking Sabel safely away underneath it. An annoyed mew slipped out of her pink lips about being moved from her comfortable position on her bonded's withers, but didn't object.

Once the kit had been safely moved out of harm's way, Note turned back to the center of the arena and promptly faced Aryel. He nodded at the words that slipped from her darkened maw, observing his size compared to hers and how the best way to start this spar would be. His sharp green eyes studied her slender, roan body only for a moment before deciding on his first move.

Luckily for Note, height and muscle would be an advantage for him in this spar, since he was a few inches taller than the fem. Just like in his first spar with the shorter general, Midas. Though the bay had lost that battle, he had gained experience and knowledge from it as well. The stallion now knew of his mistakes and was not to repeat them if he could help it.

Note's long legs crossed the ground swiftly, closing the small gap that had been between himself and Aryel. He moved to the left of the roan, but he left no space between their bodies. The stallion hoped to knock into the fem with his right shoulder hard enough to give her a good jolt. As the stallion approached her, his jaws snapped at her throat latch, hoping to give her a small bite as well.

The bay could already feel sweat starting to glaze his thin, dusty pelt. Annoyance radiated off the stallion at this as he silently cursed the heat. Why did Aryel have to make them spar in the Throat? Tallsun was upon them, heat being an extra opponent at all times in the desert. Note got hot and tired enough in normal spars, but one with such heat would be sure to exhaust him. How perfect.

[ooc: post 1/3; word count 504
attack: shoulder bump, bite
defense: none]

"talk talk talk"
[Image: 5123057704227]

Aryel Posts: 229
Dragon's Throat Soldier
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.4 :: 4
FennecFyre
#3



The stallion's taciturn answer hadn't bothered her at all. While she occasionally became a chatterbox herself, she didn't mind horses who weren't frequent speakers. Gaucho, another Throat horse, spoke even less than Note, and he was all right. She waited as Note slipped his cub into a bush, then watched as he approached. It was yet another opponent bigger and stronger then her. If she wanted to win, she needed to put her agility to good use.

There was a tense second before Note charged. She saw the twitch of the brute's muscles before he pushed off, and then he was lunging at her. She had a matter of moments before he made contact. She considered surging forward to meet his charge and attempt a tackle herself, but she had a feeling he wouldn't be quite as affected as she was. Instead, she pivoted, lifting her hindquarters up and swinging them sharply to the left and throwing herself backwards in an attempt to dodge him. She managed to avoid the brunt of his slam, he only clipped her, but his teeth bruised her throat and held tight. With a snort, she reared up and pulled herself away, already beginning to feel that familiar sense of adrenaline flowing through her system. Even though she had yet to win a proper fight in Helovia, she still loved sparring. The pain wasn't dulled by her excitement, her throat still stung, but it was a thing to be endured, and gain strength by enduring. The sun beat down on her back, which was slightly harder to ignore, and she made a mental note not to spar here after midday until the sun went down. The canyon was a great sparring ring, but there was no shade.

Managing to put some space between herself and Note, she turned again, this time a full 180 degrees, so her rear faced the stallion. She began kicking up gouts of sand at him with her hind hooves, aiming to break Note's concentration and impede his vision. She kicked up a final burst of sand, then turned sharply and charged him herself. Hopefully, the sand would slow his reaction time, but she braced herself for a rough collision all the same. When she reached the stallion, instead of simply tackling him like he had done, she reared up and struck out with her front hooves using all the strength he could muster, aiming for the left side of his head and neck, as she was on that side of him. Her wings half-flared to help her keep her balance, silver markings glinting slightly in the sunlight. A faint sheen of sweat had begun to appear on her coat, soon to be flecked into foam, and she could foresee a long bath in the oasis in her future.

Words: 466
Summary: Pivots to dodge most of his bodyslam but suffers a bite to the neck, half-rears and jumps back on her hind hooves to put some distance between them, then turns and kicks sand in his face before turning again and charging, flailing out with her front hooves
Injuries: Abrasion from neck bite

Walk walk walk walk.
"Talk talk talk talk."

ARYEL</style>
In blood and honor, we will prevail.</style>

image by gpabill @ flickr.com
Thanks for the good times, and no hard feelings for the bad times.

Vicer and Aryel's new threads never happened.


Note Posts: 183
Hidden Account
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 15.3hh :: 6 years Buff: NOVICE
Sabel :: Iberian Lynx :: Stormcall bry
#4

Note & Sabel
Satisfaction surged through Note as he saw that his bite had landed, even if his other attack had been missed. The bay didn't have long to dwell on his one small victory before Aryel was moving again. She was an agile being, though she lacked the thoroughbred blood that Note had, making them equals in agility. The bay backed up immediately as the blue kicked up sand into his face, blinking furiously to rid himself of the sand that had found its way into his sharp green eyes. It stung for a few moments until he had managed to rid himself of all the sand.

Note had become used to sand being in his face from living in the desert so long. The sand Aryel had kicked up didn't seem to phase him much, but it fueled an anger that resided deep inside the bay, left over from his years of abuse from the stallion who had made Note his slave. He snorted furiously, watching the cloud and looking for the blue form of his opponent. Soon enough, Aryel had launched herself from the cloud of dust, her figure emerging from it towards dauntingly.

Aryel's hooves lifted from the ground in a rear, her hooves flailing, wanting to pierce his skin. But Note wouldn't let that happen just yet. The bay dodged to the left of the mare, pulling himself up into a rear as well, spreading his wings just as Aryel had done to keep his balance. His scar was clearly visible to her, though Note didn't care very much anymore after his talk with Sohalia. She had given him strength not to care about who saw his scar anymore.

Note aimed his hooves for Aryel's shoulder as he closed the gap between them. The bay tried to lock his right leg with the mare's left, hoping to land a quick blow to her chest by doing this. His coat glistened as sunlight streamed from above, catching the dusty brown coloring that was a brighter shade from the sweat he had worked up throughout the spar. Note's sides heaved, fatigue slowly starting to creep up on him. Though this was a spar he didn't plan to loose because of something as stupid as heat and weariness.

The bay aimed one more bite at Aryel's neck, his snapping jaws inhaling some of the dust the pair had managed to kick up. It left a dry taste in his mouth and became another fuel for his agitation. Aryel had proved herself to not be very good at picking areas to spar in.

[ post: 2/3; w/c: 438
attack: a couple of hoof strikes, bite
defense: some dodging, if that counts ]

"talk talk talk"
[Image: 5123057704227]

Aryel Posts: 229
Dragon's Throat Soldier
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.4 :: 4
FennecFyre
#5



When Aryel had reared up, she had used the momentum from her charge to push herself forward. So when her hooves hit thin air instead of soft flesh, she was unbalanced, nearly stumbling as her front hooves crashed into the sandy floor. She hadn't expected Note to sidestep quite like that. Still, she wasn't about to give up just yet. Their fight had begun to stir up the grit and dust, and while it did not impede her vision, it clung to her sweaty coat uncomfortably.

Before she could recover, Note reared, hooves shooting out at her left side. One thunked solidly on her shoulder, causing her to "Oof" in pain. Note was quickly proving himself to be a formidable opponent. Instead of feeling animosity towards him, the Sergeant felt a small spark of pride, knowing that such a coordinated fighter was in their ranks. As Note reared, she had caught sight of a nasty scar stretching the length of his body.

There was no time to wonder about that, though, as Note was coming at her again, teeth aimed at her neck. Instead of going into yet another rear, she decided to do something unexpected. She surged forward, lowering her neck and curving it so her head pointed slightly upwards towards his own neck, essentially trying to go under his attack. She tilted her head to prevent her nose from being bashed in and bit at the base of his neck where it almost met his chest, at the same time pushing herself forward and trying to unbalance Note by shoving him back and up. Their collision was rough, but she had braced herself and sustained little damage.

When she completed her neck bite, or at least tried to, her head whipped down and snapped at his left leg where it met his chest, trying to chomp onto the muscle. Her teeth were more likely to bruise than cut, but they could clamp like a vice. Injuring his leg, she hoped, would leave him a little slow when rearing or kicking.

She couldn't stay shoved up against him for long without being countered, though, and broke away, backing up a couple steps before charging down his left side, her rear facing him at a slight angle. When she had sufficient room to kick, she stopped and bucked out with her hind hooves at his barrel, or his chest, if he was to turn. She knew she had originally intended to try and dance her way through the fight, but sometimes you just needed to go at it tooth and nail.

2/3
Words: 431
Summary: Takes a hoof to the left shoulder, and when he tries to bite, charges forward between his raised front legs and bites at the base of his neck, then his left leg muscles. Breaks away, runs down his left side, then bucks at his barrel
Injuries: Neck abrasion, shoulder bruising


Walk walk walk walk.
"Talk talk talk talk."

ARYEL</style>
In blood and honor, we will prevail.</style>

image by gpabill @ flickr.com
Thanks for the good times, and no hard feelings for the bad times.

Vicer and Aryel's new threads never happened.


Note Posts: 183
Hidden Account
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 15.3hh :: 6 years Buff: NOVICE
Sabel :: Iberian Lynx :: Stormcall bry
#6

Note & Sabel

'Shit,' Note thought to himself, quickly becoming panicked as Aryel started to dive under him. Why hadn't he thought this through?! Aryel's teeth grabbed at the base of his neck, causing a little gash to appear as she ripped a some of skin from his dusty body. Note winced in pain as blood from the gash started to slither down his chest and fall upon the hot sand below them in deep red blots. It had hurt, probably more than Aryel had intended it to.

Note was then forced back, struggling to keep his balance as the smaller mare pushed against his side. The bay reacted quickly, spreading his wings further and flapping them furiously as he became airborne, Aryel's pushing him up only helping his ascent. He barely managed to escape Aryel's teeth near his wings, her jaws only bringing with them a small amount of his coat. It stung Note's leg as the hair was plucked from his skin, but he pressed on, dropping from the sky and aiming for Aryel's right wing, hoping to give her a good rest from flying for a while.

The bay landed upon the hot sand once again, stumbling forward as he did so. His sides heaved, the heat from the sun showing no mercy on Note, his coat almost covered in sweat. His chest was still pretty bloody, but the bleeding from the gash itself had stopped. The bay looked over his shoulder to examine the amount of blood that had ended up on the ground, but instead was met with the sight of Aryel's legs starting to buck out at him.

Note snorted in annoyance before lunging away from her legs. Note cantered around to Aryel's right side in a tight "U" shape, her legs missing his barrel by mere inches. He was hoping to charge straight into her haunches just before they had reached the ground and knock the mare over. It was a move he'd never tried before, requiring immense speed and agility because of the small time frame he'd been given.

Luckily, Note had both, even as fatigued as he was thanks to the tallsun heat. Though if he was to be successful in carrying out the move, his chest would slam into Aryel's legs and she'd end up flat on her back. What a sight that would be, the great sergeant of the Dragon's Throat lying sorely on the ground, the dust painting her pretty blue coat in orange. But Note wasn't too sure he wanted to see it anymore. What good could come from it?

Well, it was too late to think like that.

[ooc: 3/3; 447 words]

"talk talk talk"
[Image: 5123057704227]
[Image: 52f3087fe3a26]
"The thought made Note's heart ache, but that's what love is. You don't care if the other person hates you or rejects you or anything of the sort because you just want to see them be happy."
pixel by tamme

tag me in all threads & replies!

Aryel Posts: 229
Dragon's Throat Soldier
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.4 :: 4
FennecFyre
#7



The metallic taste of blood sat uncomfortably in her mouth, reminding her that she needed to be less vicious. As an herbivore, someone else's blood in her mouth tasted bad unless the battle fury was gripping her mind. Before her teeth could connect fully with his shoulder, though, Note's wings bore him aloft and out of reach. Clever, she thought as her teeth only scraped him ineffectually, yanking off a few hairs but otherwise not hurting him. She had expected him to try and put distance between the two of them, not attack. His flight, more of a wing-assisted leap, culminated when he dropped towards her again, hooves stretched towards her right wing. Her eyes widened, wing muscles instinctually tensing up in anticipation of the blow. She threw herself to the left, trying to avoid him, but his hooves still made contact her wing, knocking out a few feathers and glancing off the "wrist" joint. She managed to avoid serious injury, though. Still, the attack had shaken her. Perhaps she deserved it for that nasty neck bite.

As he came down, she followed through with her barrel buck, but to her dismay, Note skittered out of reach. He was a quick opponent, to be sure. And he had muscle on his side. Aryel did not consider his advantages unfair, though. She had come to learn that life wasn't fair a lot of the time, and asking it pretty please would just earn you a mocking laugh. While she mused, Note had made a sharp turn and was coming back at her, apparently aiming for her flanks while she was still off-balance. There was no opportunity to react, and his chest collided with her left haunch, further unbalancing her. Her rear half was knocked to the ground, leaving her in a sort of awkward sitting position. By bracing her front hooves and throwing her head to the left to counteract Note's shove, she was able to avoid rolling over fully onto her back. She reflected ironically that she often enjoyed rolling in dust, mud, or water, but not when she was shoved into it.

She snapped at the air once, to ward off her opponent in case he tried to go after her while she was down, then managed to scramble back to her feet. She backed up several feet, constantly watching Note to ensure he wasn't pursuing her. Maybe he just needed a taste of his own medicine. Aryel unfurled her wings, then began to beat them rapidly, intentionally stirring up the clouds of dust. Soon enough, the reddish sand cloaked the center of the arena in billowing clouds, reducing both horses to faint forms in eachother's vision. Aryel scanned the dust, trying to make out a hint of movement, a dark form, anything to distinguish Note from the sand clouds surrounding him. Catching a glimpse of his dusty pelt, she charged forward, bringing her left shoulder to bear as she neared him. She intended to ram her shoulder into his chest, making use of the blind spot horses had directly in front of them in order to reduce the time he would have to react. Her hoofbeats, muffled as they were by the sand, could still give her away, but she was counting and swiftness and a little bit of luck to pull her through.

3/3
Words: 556
Summary: Her first bite lands, while her second does not. Note's skyward leap surprises her, and she throws herself to the left to try and avoid it, but takes a glancing blow to her wing. Note's ram knocks her halfway down, but she scrambles back up after snapping at him to ward him off. She backs up several feet, then whips up a dust cloud with her wings. Finally, she charges Note head-on, playing on the blind spot present in equine vision, intending to hit him with her left shoulder.
Injuries: Neck abrasion, shoulder bruising, wing soreness

Walk walk walk walk.
"Talk talk talk talk."

ARYEL</style>
In blood and honor, we will prevail.</style>

image by gpabill @ flickr.com
Thanks for the good times, and no hard feelings for the bad times.

Vicer and Aryel's new threads never happened.


Note Posts: 183
Hidden Account
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 15.3hh :: 6 years Buff: NOVICE
Sabel :: Iberian Lynx :: Stormcall bry
#8

Note & Sabel
The happiness of his wing attack being successfully pulled off evaporated as Note's chest slammed into the body of Aryel, his breath taken completely away. The bay half-trotted, half-stumbled away from the blue mare as she bit around in the air, but he had no intentions of hurting her at the moment, he was still working on regaining his breath. Of course Note had prepared his lithe body for the impact, but he hadn't been expecting it to hurt himself as much as it did.

For a moment, just an utterly blissful moment, Note lowered his head, sides heaving and muscles aching. As he did so the gash at the base of his neck starting to sear, causing the dusty bay, who was now extra red from all the dust Aryel had kicked up earlier, to snort softly and uncomfortably. His sharp green eyes concentrated on the droplets of blood dripping from his chest, trying to ignore how much it truly burned.

Note's blood fell upon the ground neatly in drops as red as a rose. But it was his blood, and cause the bay to wonder if this was what he wanted. Was all this hurting and pain on himself and others really worth not getting to see his little Skysong grow up? Was it worth not seeing her smile or hearing her laughter? Was it worth missing her first words and her first gallop through the Heavenly Fields?

No.

The bay's eyes widened as he realized all he had ever known was wrong. Being able to protect his family mattered greatly, but he could now. Note didn't have to run around hurting himself anymore. The bay raised his head, a new sense of wisdom coursing through his veins as his heart beat loudly in his chest. Even though he was done with all this fighting, this spar wasn't over yet.

In the mere seconds Note had been lost in thought, Aryel had managed to kick up enough sand to practically blind him. He swung his head slowly, looking for the familiar blue coat of his Sergeant, but found nothing. Instead, she found him.

Aryel charged at Note head on, trying to bump into him, he guessed. It had become more of a popular move than he had realized. Note was quick, but not quite quick enough to evade Aryel's shoulder. It knocked into his leg and the top part of his wing as the bay scrambled to move to his left and back. Note made his way away from his opponent, his leg and wing sore from Aryel's bump. The bay was quite certain the soreness would go away quite rapidly, or so he hoped. He would hate to have to actually walk his way back to the oasis. It was so much quicker to just fly. Why should you have to bear wings if you can't use them?

[ooc: closing defense; 492 words]

"talk talk talk"
[Image: 5123057704227]
[Image: 52f3087fe3a26]
"The thought made Note's heart ache, but that's what love is. You don't care if the other person hates you or rejects you or anything of the sort because you just want to see them be happy."
pixel by tamme

tag me in all threads & replies!

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9


N o t e | A r y e l
- - - - -
By my verdict NOTE is the winner.
Note has been awarded 1 VP.

Note -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
0| Attack: He moved to the left of the roan, but he left no space between their bodies. The stallion hoped to knock into the fem with his right shoulder hard enough to give her a good jolt. I understand what you meant by this, that Note was moving to the left of Aryel(which would be her right side), but the way you wrote it as '... left of the roan', it seems that you're actually running to her right side since they started off facing each other. It was a little confusing at first.
0| Attack: Bite to Aryel's throat latch. I would have given the point, but you wrote it after the shoulder knock, which doesn't make sense, as you would have passed her by then.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "He moved to the left of the roan, but left no space between them." Although I'm sure you didn't mean it as powerplay, I have to count you off, as you are assuming that Aryel is not moving away.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

Aryel -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Swinging body to the left to avoid the charge. Technically you would have needed to go to the right, but I think you might have gotten confused with the previous wording as I did.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking up sand at Note.
- 1| Borderline Powerplay: "When she reached the stallion..." While I'm sure you didn't mean it, just be careful in the wording of some things. You are assuming that Note hasn't moved, and at this point we do not know what he has done yet, so you cannot say that she even did reach him.
+ 1| Injury: Realistically took Note's bite with a bruised throat.
+ 1| Attack: Rearing and striking for Note's head/neck.
- 1| Editting: You editted this post after Note made his reply. As such, I cannot tell what was or wasn't editted, and as this is not a teaching spar where your opponent allowed changes to be made(or at least, it wasn't stated previously), I have to count off for it.

[Prose]
0| Emotion - This post was a little dry, and I wasn't fully pulled into Aryel's head while reading through it.
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

Note -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: "The bay dodged to the left of the mare..." There is no description of how Note dodged Aryel's attack, which is vital to me giving you this point. I am left to assume what he did, which isn't what you want in a spar.
+ 1| Attack: Striking for Aryel's shoulder.
+ 1| Attack: Striking for Aryel's chest.
+ 1| Attack: Biting for Aryel's neck.
0| Injury: Getting sand in his eyes. Realistic, but I don't think he would have had time to blink it away.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

Aryel -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Getting 'under' Note and biting for his neck.
+ 1| Attack: Trying to unbalance Note by colliding into him while rearing.
+ 1| Attack: Biting for Note's elbow.
- 1| Dropped Attack: No mention of Note's attempt to strike Aryel's chest.
0| Defense: "... broke away, backing up a couple steps before charging down his left side..." The way this is worded is somewhat difficult for me to imagine as plausible, especially if Note is rearing.
0| Injury: Hoof to shoulder. You mention it, but do not describe the extent of the injury.

[Prose]
0| Emotion - This post was still pretty dry to read.
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

Note -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Taking to the sky to avoid Aryel's attempt at knocking Note over.
0 Attack: "Dropping from the sky and aiming for Aryel's right wing, hoping to give her a good rest from flying for a while." What is he aiming with? His teeth, hooves, what?
+ 1| Attack: Trying to run around Aryel and ram into her hindquarters. I gave you this point because it is still a plausible attack, however, I just wanted to point out that the possibilities of running completely
around a horse and trying to get to the other side before the kick is finished, is highly unlikely, as her hooves were described as already striking out at him while he was standing still. On top of that, a horse's kick is extremely fast.
+ 1| Injury: Bitten neck.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

Aryel -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: Causing a cloud of dust.
+ 1| Attack: Barreling into Note's chest with shoulder.
0| Injury: Taking Note's ram into your left haunch. This attack was taken on the wrong side, as Note specified that he was aiming for the right side, which is why I did not award the point.

[Prose]
0| Emotion - Not where I would like to see it, but a little better!
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy Read

Note -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Injury: Knocked back by Aryel's charge.
+ 1| Injury: Dust to eyes.


Note

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed: You took note of height and breed differences often.
+ 2| Surroundings: You were always mentioning the heat and how it affected Note.

[Injuries]
Nothing of note. (teehee)

[Creativity]
+ 1| I very much enjoyed Note's little moment of clarity in his last post.

Comments: Emotion isn't easy to put into sparring posts, at least in my eyes. You did exceptionally well with this! For future spars, I would recommend describing attacks more thoroughly, as well as double-checking left's and right's when it comes to attacks and defenses. I was often times left to assume just how Note was attacking, or with what, like when he went for Aryel's wing while in the air. Overall you did great, have a good grasp on your character, and have the mechanics of a very good fighter. Good job!

Aryel

[Bonus]
+ 2| Breed: You often took into consideration Aryel's shorter stature during this spar, explaining pros and cons.
+ 2| Surroundings: You were constantly aware of your surroundings, such as the sand, as well as the heat, and used them to your advantage.

[Injuries]
Nothing of note.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Coming up under Note and trying to knock him over.

Comments: You were good at describing exactly where your attacks were aimed, as well as how they were put into motion. The one thing I would try and work on is putting more emotion into your spars, which as I have stated before, is one of the hardest things to do in fights. You could try incorporating just why Aryel wants to get better at fighting, how she'll feel if this or that happens, etc. Overall, you have a good grasp on the basics of fighting mechanics, and have the beginnings of a great fighter. Good job!

TOTAL
Note - 70
Aryel - 67

Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr

Aryel Posts: 229
Dragon's Throat Soldier
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14.4 :: 4
FennecFyre
#10



Another spar, another defeat on her end, but at least it assured her that another soldier was up to snuff. She came to a stop, her sweat-streaked sides heaving as she regarded Note. "Good work." she said, nodding in approval. "That was a great fight, Note, and I hope you'll be able to put those moves to work in a serious attack some day." As a Sergeant, it was her job to ensure the warriors were fit for battle, not just pound on them herself for her own gain. Still, the new loss in a consecutive streak perturbed her. Was she really worthy of being a Sergeant? The most "vicious" thing about her was her mouth. She liked to believe that Kri had promoted her for reasons other than battle prowess, but the self-doubt would not go away.

Shaking out her mane, she surveyed Note's injuries, then her own. They would both be sore in the morning, but there was nothing serious. "I recommend you get some rest and a bath. I plan to do the same." She walked to the outcropping Java was clinging to, and slipped the drowsy bat onto her neck. "I'll see you later." she called behind her before opening her wings. Wincing as her sore muscles protested, she beat her wings, lifted herself into the air and gliding over the canyon walls towards the oasis.

(Just a short post to wrap things up.)

Walk walk walk walk.
"Talk talk talk talk."

ARYEL</style>
In blood and honor, we will prevail.</style>

image by gpabill @ flickr.com
Thanks for the good times, and no hard feelings for the bad times.

Vicer and Aryel's new threads never happened.



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