the Rift


you fell down, so get back up kid. [JUDGE]

Onni the Illuminant Posts: 194
Hidden Account
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2hh :: 8 Buff: SWIFT
Lyhty :: Diamond Firetail Finch :: Sing Boom Boom!
#1
 nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.</style>
image by jason-samfield @ flickr.com</style>

The sun had chased Onni away from her homeland for the day. Even the oasis's comfort was sparse, so the soft-hearted mare traveled north. The air, so thin and hot due to the oppressive sun above, was forced to travel by foot on at slower pace. Not that Onni particularly minded. Most days, she was more uneasy traveling in the air than on foot. She had gotten far more comfortable with flying over the years, yet still, the tobiano was uneasy when flying without a companion. Should she take a tumble from the air, perhaps her healing abilities would save her, yet there was doubt in her heart about that.

The girl would much rather not put that to the test.

When the sand and rock of her home began to give way to yellowed grasses, the mare saw the rise of trees in the distance. The Deep Forest, the thickest part of the Threshold's overflowing wood, held the oldest trees the mare had seen outside of the Woodlands of Isilme. However, the painted girl had a feeling that she would find relief under the shades of the branches there. With an upbeat step, Onni made her way toward the wooded area.

The story took a rather unfortunate turn once the darkness provided by those trees engulfed the mare. The lack of sunlight began to put her on edge. Though little pieces of light permeated the dense canopy to allow for a dim glow amongst the forest, Onni couldn't shake the feeling that there was something out here, just waiting to sieze her. Maybe she had been foolish to fear the air, and not the forest she had happily retreated to. Paranoia was a powerful thing, especially when in unfamiliar territory.

Walking in odd little circles within the large corridors of the ancient wood, Onni could hear her heart beat in her ears, with a twisted little phrase popping in her head. I wonder what it would be like to die here.
""


onni
</style>


[ ooc: Setting is the Deep Forest, mid-day. Onni is being all spooked and paranoid, so she will likely attack anyone/thing that approaches her. ^^
3 posts each, magic and companions allowed. Lythy, her companion, won't be here, but feel free to use yours.
Open to anyone! ]

Tares Posts: 74
Deceased
Mare :: Unicorn :: 14.3 hh :: 38 months
Alex
#2

TARES
</style>
Do you wanna see how much I can take?   
Can't you just leave bad enough alone?
</style>


I had not waited for the rise of the sun to travel. At the first sign of the wretched beacon's descent towards the horizon, I had set off for shadow and respite. Like Onni I had landed before the forest not thinking of its dangers. In fact, it had reminded me of home and my days as a scholar in the Woodlands herd under Roanne and Evangeline. But I had not wandered and reminisced, I had come to the forest for rest and an escape from the heat of the open Throat.

A late night, disturbed by the noises of the forest and Arbutus' nervous chatter as he flitted from tree to tree, has left me weary. Recalling the previous night, and those before, leaves me feeling numb and fearful of the day. Arbutus, now at last settled but still wary of the surroundings, settles delicately upon my shoulder, occasionally calling out into the trees. He sets himself aflame and lights my path through the dark woods, directing me with little chirps and calls as we walk together. He seems to have a natural instinct for directions, and though I don't know where he is leading me to, I'm not one to distrust him, especially not now.

My hooves cut into the dry earth as my mind wanders back to Aure and our night in the cave- what am I to do with her, with myself? even my walk conveys that I am troubled, and if any creature gets close enough, they'll see the concern wrinkle my brow and plague my eyes. My tail waves behind, catching against tree limbs and dead leaves that barely cling to them, making my step loud and easily detectable.

It is quite some time walking through the dark before I see the mare. I recognize her instantly, and my pace increases as I approach her from behind. Even with Arbutus' flame my black coat blends into the surroundings, and it is only the faint bob of my white horn that easily tells of my location. I approach without caution, never thinking that the mare would be so on egde as to strike out.



[[Thanks Boom! I have a few questions though-
Given that they're under heavy tree covering and the wind is hard to fly on, will this be a primarily grounded fight?
Would you mind making it an OOC teaching spar?
Do you want rping before/after?]]



image by vinothchandar @ flickr.com</style>

Onni the Illuminant Posts: 194
Hidden Account
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2hh :: 8 Buff: SWIFT
Lyhty :: Diamond Firetail Finch :: Sing Boom Boom!
#3
 nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.</style>
image by jason-samfield @ flickr.com</style>

Crunch, crunch, snap. The sound of a twig breaking behind her, stepped on by some unknown figure. Onni's muscles coil underneath her painted hide, pulling at her legs to prepare for a kick. Exhale, the breath slips from nostrils as her weight shifts from all fours to the front, legs bunching toward her stomach before they propel backward, striking out at the mare who had snuck behind the spooked pegasus. Her aim is just for the body, with no real target in mind, as the pale-faced girl hasn't even turned in the darkness to see who has approached her.

Legs drop to the ground, and Onni pushes forward, her mind screaming at her to get away from this danger. At the same time, the mare is not built for sprinting. This figure in the dark, however, might be. Instead, she decides to hold her ground, shifting her weight like a seesaw to push her front end upward, back legs dancing to bring her to a swift pivot toward the other. Experience in battle had allowed her a swifter pace - sometimes your only saving grace is a few milliseconds of speed on your opponent.

Once facing the shady figure, the pale blue eyes can see the glint of a horn in the darkness, and her mind starts to reel backwards toward the evil faces of d'Artagnan and Kou, quiet violence lurking behind their eyes. The unusual embrace of darkness squeezes on her heart, making her mind fuddled, unable to recongize the third unicorn in that situation with the yellow eyes of her father. Instead of snapping to who she was attacking, Onni's face takes on the steely glint she inherited from her mother - a similarity you would rarely see on the peaceful girl's face otherwise.

Teeth bared, the pegasus snaps out at the unicorn with unrelenting ferocity as she propels forward toward the vaguely outlined figure in the shadows. She could be fighting for her life, and so the painted mare does not hold back. Striking for a shoulder, a bulky target she is more likely to reach when her vision is compromised. Maybe she can scare this enemy away. At least, that is what she hopes for.

[ 1/3, 369 words ]


onni
</style>



[ OOC COMMENTARY:

Okay, so here we have Tares sneaking up on Onni from behind. This would increase the anxiety of Onni, which I hope is reflected in the post. My biggest problem with sparring, which I have to work to correct a lot, is connecting with the character on an emotional side. While mechanics are very important, all of the extra points that can make or break a spar are in your character's emotional presence. If the judge can't tell your character is active within the post, and feels like they are simply watching from an impartial standpoint, you will lose points.

As far as attacks go, you have to keep in mind that horses are more likely to bite at the face and neck. They rear a lot too, but all of these would require a frontal approach. Since Tares was coming from behind, I compensated with the natural instinct of a horse - to buck out and try and hit whatever is behind them. However, since they are more partial to frontal attacks, I quickly made her turn around. There's emotional tension there because Onni wants to run away, but she doesn't think she's a quick enough sprinter to escape her mystery opponent - that's my way of getting her to stay against instinct of flight.

The bite is a pretty understandable attack. I didn't think she would rear and expose her belly to some unknown opponent, especially since she has a horn to spear her with. The shoulder is a larger, more realistic target to choose in dim light. More area to hit.

Try and keep your attacks and defenses realistic, and also make sure you keep your surroundings, difference in speed and force, and emotions in mind. ]

Tares Posts: 74
Deceased
Mare :: Unicorn :: 14.3 hh :: 38 months
Alex
#4

TARES
</style>
Do you wanna see how much I can take?   
Can't you just leave bad enough alone?
</style>


As recognizable as her painted spots had been in Arbutus' faint red light, I have made the mistake of approaching from behind, where she cannot recognize my features in the slightest. She kicks out swiftly and my natural instinct is to turn and run. As of late, however, my natural instincts have yielded less than stellar results. Besides, Onni is sure to recognize the misunderstanding and cease the fighting after she turns to face me. So, fighting the reflex, I instead make a split second decision , and my hind hooves lift gently off the ground before landing once more and bringing my front up towards the sky. My neck twists uncomfortably as I avoid the kick, but as quick thinking as I am, I'm no mage. Onni's attack, afforded an advantage by surprise, clips me across the chest, leaving a shallow cut sustained from the sharp edges of her hoof that quickly matts my beard with blood.

All I can think is how I am not meant for this. These twists and turns, this fighting instinct, all seems unnatural to me. Arbutus, concerned for my welfare, flies across the path of the empty air between us to my left side with a piercing cry, his warm flames brushing the cut and leaving it with a strange, stinging sensation. My hooves lower to the ground buoyantly as Onni's own hooves land once more, and I part my lips to call out her name and cease her action.

But the opportunity is gone too quickly, and a rush of surprise takes away my breath and words. With a surprising buoyancy, I push off once more from the ground to place myself in a rear and copy Onni's movements. She turns and I feel numb with the anticipation of her movements. Will she lower herself upon recognition, or, in the dark, will she not know me at all?

Less than a second later, as I shuffle my hind hooves to stay balanced, her rear turns into a flurry of fierce kicks, and I am left with no defense but the offense. I feel the familiar pain of a kick across my shoulder and my pointed, cloven fore hooves strike out wildly for the base of her neck. I hear myself neigh not with the pain of Onni's attacks or the weakness that plagues my own hocks, for Iris has built my tolerance to be high, but the fury. As unexpected as it is, I find myself understanding, to some extent, the meaning of the fight. In the dark of the night we are all unwanted visitors, no matter our relations in the light of day.

Arbutus, misunderstanding the situation and not recognizing the painted daughter of our leader, dashes forward, leaving behind him a trail of fire and light. It is too late to make him stop- He flies towards Onni with his talons open and ready, like an owl swooping down to catch its helpless prey upon the ground, and his flaming wings beating heavily across Onni's. I feel a panicked sensation, but all at once know that I cannot stop. As a child I had never fought back, but now I knew better. Whether my strikes are fueled by skill and determination or fear and an uncontrolled and unrecognized fury, they are there nonetheless, and I'm not sure if they going to cease.

[[ Tares receives the kick as a graze across her chest, as she has turned away from it. Lands, rears quickly to face Onni and receives blows to her shoulder, but counters with her own to the base of the neck. At the same time, Arbutus flies forward and approaches Onni's left wing with talons intending to grab and hinder its movements, while his wings beat down to burn her feathers. || WC: 564 || P: 1/3 || C/M-U: 1/2 || Note: Thanks again so much, Boom. :) ]]

image by vinothchandar @ flickr.com</style>

Onni the Illuminant Posts: 194
Hidden Account
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2hh :: 8 Buff: SWIFT
Lyhty :: Diamond Firetail Finch :: Sing Boom Boom!
#5
 nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.</style>
image by jason-samfield @ flickr.com</style>

The eyes she had inherited from her father were of little aid in the dim lighting of the forest. Even with the sun so far above their heads, the canopy of the trees shrouded them in such darkness that Onni was left to wonder of the time. Certainly, as her hooves made a clapping sound against the hide of her unknown predator, the tobiano couldn't help but feel that she had strayed for too long from her home. Had the night fallen so soon? There was nothing she would like more than to be home, in the warm sands of her desert, speaking to Lyhty in a soft but assuring voice.

There is no pride in meeting her target now, but instead a surge of happiness that she might survive this encounter. Pivoting, teeth snapping toward the shadowy figure of the unicorn, even as she tears forward on the loam of the forest, there is no recognition. As the other rears, front legs lashing at her face like whips, feminine voice calling out into the air, nothing familiar rings true. The scent of her homeland is strong, but she hardly makes the connection in her frightened state. Turning her head, slamming her front end harshly toward the left, continuing her forward momentum, Onni slips past the hooves of her mysterious opponent with a few deft scratches on her right shoulder, momentary snaps of pain that fades quickly. Onni's teeth snapping shut even as she lunges away into the shadow of the forest.

Yet, there is light.

Onni's face twirls around, locating the orange gleam on what looks like wings. Instinctually, the tobiano calls upon the wind, rustling the leaves above their heads, to plummet down onto the bird - whatever hell spawn this opponent had on their side. The invisible fingers of the air tear toward the wings that carried the new attacker toward her own. They aim to off set the flight patterns, and allow her enough time to dodge the attack of fire she was sure to come. A snort escapes her nostrils as the mare thinks back to the sting of a burn - slow in healing and constant pain, no matter how severe.

The wind alone could not end this attack upon her, though, and so Onni veers sharply to the right next, where she knows the unicorn had been standing a few seconds before. The claws of the bird still meet with the top of her own rump, scratching no menial gash in her flesh, a shock of pain ringing through her mind that only screams at her to run faster. The flames of the bird, luckily, miss the delicate feathers of her folded wings. Her strength is propelled to what she would assume was a rump, teeth falling dangerously close to her own dashing legs to snap at the dark sticks outlined faintly in the shadows. Let her tear into the delicate flesh of the cannon, and she could maybe run from this opponent successfully. It was risky, but Onni was not thinking logically. She just wanted out of this damned forest.

[ 2/3, 518 words ]


onni
</style>


[ OOC COMMENTARY:

I like to start with the good. :D

The emotion in your post is impressive. You obviously placed Tares in this situation entirely, and it's convincing. With all of the implications fighting would have for her, after the abuse of her mother, and the fact that she knows she is fighting a friend is good. I love the tension you have in her attacking Onni reluctantly, only to defend herself.

You used realistic attacks and defenses that didn't leave your character blatantly open for big blows, and aren't so farfetched for a horse to use. I like the fact that Arbutus is confused in this situation. Since they haven't been bonded for long, it would make sense for him not to snap to what is going on in this situation and attack someone who is attacking his bonded.

OKAY, that being said, I do have some critiques.

Onni's second attack wasn't a rear, it was a bite. That is a very importance difference that the judge will notice. I did mention rears in my OOC tips, so that's probably my bad. Still, you have to read carefully. Fights can be confusing enough for a judge to follow without mistakes, so that could make them grumpy. :< Don't make your judge grumpy. I would always ask your opponent if you're not 100% clear on what they are doing. There is no shame, so if you get confused, ask.

However, whether it was a bite or a rear, for Tares to rear was a very good defense. I wasn't sure how to react to the damage she received, so it's very vague in my post if I mention it at all.

Overall, you did very well in this post. There were no real issues with time constraints in movements, and I think you did a very good job picturing how they are positioned and how to respond.

Here's my breakdown of strategy.

Onni is going to block the partial kicks of Tares by throwing her front end toward the left, sort of veering off in one stride, which leaves her with only a few light scratches on her right shoulder. It's very important to be specific as to where attacks land. Never forget to make some mention of pain, damage, etc. The judge will count off if you forget, or maybe give you 0 points for the defense. Anyway, I decided this would be the most feasible and effective defense, leaving Onni with virtually no damage while still taking the hit.

The next attack was a little more difficult. Onni has some experience with fire, so she's very averred to being attacked with it. I decided wind manipulation would likely offset the course of the phoenix plus give her some time to move, so I went for it. Just to ensure that the bird would not get her wings, but more fleshy areas like her butt, I had her turn back left really quickly into where Tares was standing. This will act as her attack as well, a ram. Then, I thought biting at her legs would be good because leg wounds are pretty severe damage for horses. Since Onni is trying to escape, really, injuring the opponent's legs would make for an easy escape, if she can pull it off. Plus, she's already there at Tares's rump, why not try for a leg? c;

That's all I have for this one, really. ]

Tares Posts: 74
Deceased
Mare :: Unicorn :: 14.3 hh :: 38 months
Alex
#6

TARES
</style>
Do you wanna see how much I can take?   
Can't you just leave bad enough alone?
</style>



It is clear that Onni either has no recognition in me in the dark, or she is creating some sort of test. Paranoia induced by a lack of trust instilled by my mother and the depth of the woods brings fear and fire to my attacks. Each kick thrown forth is fueled by an untamable worry of Onni's intentions, or if she has any at all. The feather in my mane snaps and embers stir at the tips of my shoulders as my wings threaten to burst forth. My attacks miss Onni and I feel a sense of slight relief that I have not hurt my fellow herd mate, but her quick retaliation keeps the worry in my step and the anxiety in my widened eyes. She shifts suddenly to my left and my eyes roll back to reveal their whites. I step with weak hind legs to avoid the attack as swiftly as I can, but only manage to move some to my right, aided partially by Onni's strong wind which I can only assume was meant for Arbutus, before she makes contact.

With my body only barely balanced upon itself, I receive Onni's ram to the hindquarters and fall instantaneously. I land on all fours, feeling tired but still strong- the angle of my body as it related to hers made only for a weak attack, so despite sustaining it I felt surprisingly sturdy. I search for Arbutus in the dim, fearful for his condition, but have little time to call out for the phoenix before Onni is striking out again. He flies up from behind and there is a faint reflection of blood splashed across his dagger like talons. His flames flicker as he rises from her hindquarters, and in the split moment I have before reaches down to grab my cannons I understand his position. Once more I feel a sense of calm wash over me, for knowing that he is in good health is the most important at that moment.

Still, I cannot focus on him for long. There is a mad flurry of motion as I curl up my left leg and then kick out with cloven hooves, effectively placing the leg out of harm's way aiming to strike her face with my knee and her chest with my hoof. My head curls beneath and my jaws part with a spray of spittle and a wild, blinding curtain of my beard falling in between us. In the dark I can barely see the flashing of her teeth, but I cautiously draw back my right leg as my left one lifts to be certain, and then, forcing my strength to my hindquarters, ram forward. My teeth threaten to reach her neck and my horn, despite its short length, curves dangerously towards the underside of her nose. I feel Onni's bite, sharp and pinching, reach the base of my neck on my right, and cry out with a wild whinny in response, and jerk my head up unintentionally, increasing the threat to Onni. My knees struggle with the effort of the fight and my thighs ache and clench, but I stand firm and struggle to control the violent instinct to defend myself in the face of such a serious attack as Onni's bite. An injury to my leg could serve to cripple me if I am not careful, and in the darkness I am slowly forgetting the identity of my assailant.

[[ Tares shifts to the right slightly, taking advantage of the strength afforded by Onni's wind, and avoids the bulk of the ram attack, but returns to all fours as a result. She lifts up her left leg to kick out as Onni approaches and pulls back her right as much as she can while placing her weight on her hind legs. Her head curves down and she opens her mouth to avoid Onni's bite to the face. Onni's bite instead lands higher up at the base of her neck, and the pain causes Tares to lift her head suddenly, thus raising the aim of her own bite and bringing the horn closer to Onni's face. || WC: 575 || P: 2/3 || C/M-U: 1/2 || Note: My apologies for the screw up in my other post, I was tired and confusing her turning rear for an attack I think. All my fault though, you were quite clear. ]]

image by vinothchandar @ flickr.com</style>

Onni the Illuminant Posts: 194
Hidden Account
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2hh :: 8 Buff: SWIFT
Lyhty :: Diamond Firetail Finch :: Sing Boom Boom!
#7
 nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.</style>
image by jason-samfield @ flickr.com</style>

The brush of skin upon her own as Onni's shoulder slams into the dark figure of the night, still standing dangerously on two hooves. Instead of toppling over, though, this beast lands upon four hooves, and the tobiano curses to herself inside. Jaws still lunge toward her opponent, yet suddenly her target is not still. As her necks curve into the attack of the bite, eyes flicker toward growing flames upon the back of the dark figure. Curious, that this one should also have the flames of its companion. Her mind blinks, as if trying to tell her something, but there is nothing that arises to the surface.

It is only the sound of her heart beating in her ears and the tiring breath being drawn into her lungs.

Teeth trying to grasp flesh, only to have the leg fling backwards. Onni can hear Voltaic's voice chide her in her mind, his frustration born out of the proctectiveness he held. Don't expose yourself to attacks, he screeches, a father's voice. It is too late to heed his advice, but the painted girl tries to avoid such serious damage that a kick can cause. Mouth shuts, clamping down, neck and head pulling away from the back end in retreat. Cloven hooves crack against her chest, leaving two gashes upon the surface and a fresh swell of blood. Onni squeals slightly in the dark, more out of surprise than hurt. The cuts sting, but the close quarters of the pair does not allow for the dangerous potential of a kick at its full extension.

Teeth come toward the pale face, yet it has moved to avoid the joint of the knee. They clamp onto air, horn grazes dangerously next to the pale eye of the tobiano as the pegasus snakes her own neck around to snip at the neck, clasping the flesh momentarily in a sharp pinch. There is no time to slow, however.

The paint continues to run forward, past the turning body of her silent attacker, only to slam down on her front hooves for another kick behind her, striking out at her opponent. Hooves aim for the chest, which had made itself an available target in the movement of the pair. Knowing her position suspended in the air to be frail, Onni's kick is short, a quick crack of hooves out only to be retracted to the earth, pushing her up wings unfolding as the mare launches slightly off the ground. Flight takes place, her wings gripping the air desperately, legs curling beneath her. Hooves stick out, her body turning vertical, as she touches down on the trunk of a great tree about fifteen paces from the exchange. Her knees buckle to allow her a slow stop, and then straighten to launch to tobiano off like a spring, angled slightly upward to give room to twirl in the air.

Straightening out, and heading back toward the dimly lit figure in the dark, Onni extends her front legs outward like spears, flapping her wings to drive her forward, down the corridor, feathers brushing the trunks of the trees as she sails by a few feet off the ground. It isn't until the moment before her body is within striking range that Onni sees the familiar flash of yellow eyes in the gleam of dim fire, and gasps.

[ 3/3, 557 words ]


onni
</style>


[ OOC COMMENTARY:

I got quite confused during this post, so I think it's time to discuss time constraints on movement.

When in a fight, you always have to consider real time. I know in RP world, time can be a very liquid thing that you can manipulate to your will most of the time, but in fights, it's very important to try and stick to plausible frames of time. One thing I count off for heavily when judging is a player's unrealistic use of time. Let's illustrate what I'm talking about with this fight.

Onni is ramming into Tares's rear end, and then immediately biting at her back cannon. This is maybe a 2-3 second time frame, but in this small window of time, you had Tares knocked onto all fours, kick out at her face, and manage to turn her entire body around to bite at Onni's face and stab at her with her horn.

It takes a considerable amount of time for a horse to turn in a fight, maybe 3 seconds, which is the entire time she would have spent ramming and biting out at Tares. A kick would probably take right around 3 seconds as well, and already you've used double your allotted amount of time, and we haven't even mentioned your bite/horn swipe attack.

Also, while Tares is thinner and smaller than Onni, more likely to have quicker movement, Onni also has a battle buff of swift, making their speed evenly matched, probably, so you can't really use her breed difference to explain it.

This was confusing for me to reply to, as well, since my time in the fight got messed up too. I kind of had to allow unrealistic spans of time to pass, when she's supposedly still running forward, to have her take the kick and respond to the bite she landed on Tare's neck.

Try and keep the time frame in mind. If you are ever in doubt, try to read through the posts again and envision it as a continuous movie. If you think that your time has stretched to much, go with a more conservative strategy for defense.

To be honest, the kick to Onni's face was more than a sufficient defense of Tare's cannon. That was what I had anticipated you to do, as putting your face next to the back legs of a horse is sort of asking for them to kick you in the mouth. xP It was a really good choice, but then I think you just got bogged down thinking of where to go in your next attack.

In such a case, just give your character some room and attack again. Onni was still moving forward, so Tares's could have just pivoted, turned, and ran after her for the same attack you wrote, but in a different time frame than Onni's ram/bite attack.

Aside from the obvious flaws in time management, I thought this post was not as clearly written as your others. Ease of read is also counted in the rubric, so make sure you don't make it difficult. Details of emotion and with Arbutus are good, but they can be fluffy and irrelevant if not used to your advantage. You want your character to be present, but not distracting from the actual fight or action.

Like I said earlier, I was a little confused on how to write my response. I just sort of blurred the time around your attacks, and moved onward to my attack.

I decided the kick would fit nicely as she's running away, sort of to deter her attack from following her. They were also sort of positioned right in my head for the strike, so that she wouldn't have to turn around, to kick at her. I then used her momentum from the landing of the kick to push off into the air, toward a tree, which I then used to turn around like a springboard. c; Not the most realistic attack ever, but she's flying already, so I might as well milk it. Plus, I didn't think the tight quarters of the trees would allow her to circle around.

She's kind of trying to "air ram" Tares now, probably around her shoulders/back. Tares will have ample time to re-position herself, so I didn't want to confine her to a position that she was previously in. ]

Tares Posts: 74
Deceased
Mare :: Unicorn :: 14.3 hh :: 38 months
Alex
#8

TARES
</style>
Do you wanna see how much I can take?   
Can't you just leave bad enough alone?
</style>



My mind fills with a sense of dread as my hooves crack against Onni's chest and I hear her cry out. As her body turns from mine and my head jerks up, thankfully having missed her, my mind begins to reel at the thought of having actually hurt her, and the scent of her blood hanging stark in the air sends waves of disorientation through my frail form. My teeth snap on air and the shock of it sends a violent shudder through me, causing my tail to lash swiftly at my back and my beard to ruffle with the motion. I feel suddenly weak and unable to control myself, and I shuffle back with a mixture of fear and nervousness. I become aware of the fact that I cannot see Arbutus, and my worry grows. With a yellow gaze I search for the phoenix, but his cries have diminished and his flame is no longer brightening the clearing. The fire upon my shoulder grows and stretches, beginning to take on the shape of wings, and their light provides me with the slightest hint of warning.

In the pale firelight I glimpse Onni's body shifting to deliver a kick with her hind legs, and I rear in response. With a snap like flint my wings unfurl and extend to their full potential, lifting up and catching the air to steady myself as I balance weakly on my hind legs. Her hooves strike my own as they churn and paw at the air towards her, and with the impact I receive a cut to the weak area around my left fore-hock. Above me there is only darkness, and as a neigh forces itself from between my lips I find myself longing for Arbutus. The pain from her kick, fully extended and lethally charged, washes over me in waves, and as she winds up and leaves me to take flight, I find myself falling heavily to all fours, and taking the impact of the earth against me hard. I shudder with the force of it all, barely able to watch Onni as she gallops towards the tree with her wings spread.

And then from behind me comes a familiar cry; that of all the birds in Helovia singing at once. I let out a desperate prayer to the gods as Arbutus flies above me, a torch lighting up the clearing with a confidence, bravery, and loyalty, that I will never cease to admire.

First landing upon my nose, I feel a drop of silver and look up to see that Arbutus' calls are accompanied by tears. At once I feel my fear and nervousness begin to ease as I watch him soar above us, shedding tears on the scene below. Onni at last reaches her target, which until now I had not understood, and as she is vertical I notice one of Arbutus' tears falling towards her, and wonder fleetingly if it will land upon the chest wounds I've just regretfully given her.

But the moment is only brief as I regain my confidence and understand the occurrences more fully. I set off at a gallop in the opposite direction, limping slightly and wincing as the pressure of the earth presses against my injured and bleeding hock, yet still gaining enough momentum to grip the air between my flames. In moments I am in the air and banking to the right to turn around completely and face Onni as she rams towards me. Having successfully changed position, I avoid her hooves neatly. Instead I face her in an almost perpendicular position and aim for her left flank with my own dangerous hooves curled in for her safety, leaving my knees the only portion of my body liable to make immediate contact. I catch her gaze for a moment and see a fleeting look of recognition, and hope that she will end this fight. To protect for my herd or to train to gain skill is one thing, but this... these dealing in the dark seem dirty and dishonest. I've no desire to keep them going.

[[ Tares rears to take Onni's buck with her hooves and then recieves a wound on her left hock. Her wings extend as she rears. Arbutus flies above them both, crying- he heals Tares' nerves and possibly one of Onni's more minor injuries as well, if the tears land on her. Tares turns to run the opposite direction as Onni springs off of the tree and takes flight herself. She turns in the air and flies downwards towards Onni's right flank with her hooves curled in and her knees jutting out to strike Onni's side. || WC: 683 || P: 3/3 || C/M-U: 2/2 || Note: Third time's the charm. :x Thanks for the sparring and teaching, Boom! ]]

image by vinothchandar @ flickr.com</style>

Onni the Illuminant Posts: 194
Hidden Account
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2hh :: 8 Buff: SWIFT
Lyhty :: Diamond Firetail Finch :: Sing Boom Boom!
#9
 nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.</style>
image by jason-samfield @ flickr.com</style>

The blur of noise, the mare can hear the call of another in the darkness. Recognition is not found in her mind, though, the spooked girl continuing through her motions of violence in order to escape the clutches of another. The painted frame of the mare twists to buck out at her, legs reaching their extension quickly, colliding with hooves that slice at her own legs, tearing some skin on her cannons and leaving horrible stinging, like a paper cut, that causes a weak grunt to peel from Onni's lips as her legs are pull back down to the earth, pushing her forward into the air.

The wind cuts at her new wounds, even as blood begins to drop steadily from them. Such thin skin leads to painful, bloody injuries. Onni knew that they were not as serious as they felt, but the pain had made her shudder into feeling the building exhaustion brought on by this physical activity. However, now in flight, with wings extended, she could not give up this battle. She would not forfeit her life just because her lungs began to cry pleas of mercy. There was no time to quit.

Her hooves slam down on the trunk of the tree, stinging her legs and chest injured by her opponent, but she still bends at the knees and springs off, flinging herself back toward the figure in the dark. Her blue eyes do not see the silver tears fall in the sky near her, missing her body. However, the wings of fire extending from her back do not register as quickly as those glowing yellow eyes in the dark. Even as she flies toward the mare with deadly intent, Onni has no idea who she attacking. The vibrant glow of yellow from the eyes, however, shoots a prickly fear up her spine. It is not the same fear driving her violence, though. No, this fear is the one tied to our loved ones.

Onni has hurt the daughter of her beloved mentor, her friend. Guilty, in the dark, Onni pulls up her own legs, tilting her left wing down toward the ground, veering dangerously sideways as her body is twisted in an awkward arc to avoid touching Tares even once more. Barrel facing sideways, body lurching backwards, the bodies of the two mares almost parallel as Onni tries desperately to avoid attacking the black mare in the dark. Tares's left knee barely grazes Onni's right shoulder as she begins to straighten in the air, yet still causes her to turn harshly in the air once more.

Desperately, the tobiano allows her form to be sent backward, dropping from the air to the ground as her hooves catch the terrain, sliding backwards and causing a flurry of moss and leaves to be tossed into the air. Onni extends her feathered wings to avoid crashing to the ground or into a near by tree, skidding to a rather ungraceful halt. The pain of her back legs screams at her, as does her chest. "Tares," she gasps out, looking up at the flaming wings with frightened and tired eyes. "I am so very sorry." Regret lacing every syllable of her words.

How very shameful for a healer to cause pain to others.

[ Defense, 544 words ]


onni
</style>


[ OOC COMMENTARY:

OKAY. So we talked a lot in the cbox about being especially careful when reading. I know I can get pretty wordy during my fights, so I'm sorry for causing so much confusion. :<

That being said, I think you really interpreted this post well. It was clear that after our clarification, you had a solid idea about what was going on in the battle. I don't think you had any deviations in plausibility or time constraints, and you understood well what I was trying to do.

I also have to give you a hand - Tares in this post is simply awesome. You really found a balance between her emotions during the fight as well as staying focused, which I think is important. I can see definite improvement in your focus from the last post to this one. Really, I felt connected with Tares.

The only thing I was confused about in this post was Arbutus. I wasn't really entirely sure where he was in the air to be able to possibly hit both Tares and Onni at that moment. After all, Onni is running away and Tares was standing still, so it didn't really add up to me. In the end, it wasn't a big deal because he was probably moving too. ^^

Your defense to the kick was not really what I would have done. You do not want to injure your character's legs. I would have pivoted, especially since Tares would likely be able to do that movement quickly, and allowed the kick to hit maybe her shoulder or even barrel. These are meatier areas which take damage better. Besides, a horse with a broken leg is not good! Don't tempt fate. Aside from the kick hitting her legs, a rear leaves your character very unbalanced. If Onni's kick had hit lower, like her stomach or chest, she could very easily have seriously injured or knocked over Tares. Just keep it in mind next time.

I think that's all I have. Good fight! & You're welcome, Alex. I don't mind sparring any time. ^^ ]

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#10




O n n i | T a r e s
- - - - -
By my verdict ONNI is the winner.

ONNI -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Keeping the darkness of the forest in mind.
+ 1| Attack: Bucking at Tares.
+ 1| Attack: Bite to shoulder.
-I love that you keep in mind the darkness and aim for a larger area rather than a smaller one.


[Prose]
+ 1| Easy to read.
+ 1| The use of emotion in this post is amazing.
+ 1| Good flow.


TARES -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Keeping in mind Tares' weak hocks.
+ 1| Rearing to try and lessen the impact of Onni's hooves.
+ 1| Sustaining an injury from the kick to Tares' chest.
+ 1| Attack: Arbutus using his talons against Onni and trying to burn her wings.
- 1| Defense: Rearing to match Onni's height. Onni's attack was a bite, not a rear. Also this is the second time already that Tares has reared. Since Tares already has weak hocks I would try to avoid too much rearing at the beginning of the fight so her legs don't hinder her too much later on.

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Excellent emotion.
+ 1| Good Flow.

ONNI -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Taking Tares' kicks to the shoulder rather than the neck.
+ 1| Use of magic to try and alter Arbutus' course.
+ 1| Taking Arbutus' attack to the rump/ describing the pain.
0 | Attack: Ram and biting at Tares' legs. Honestly I wanted to take off for this because she makes her head an easy target, but I feel like in Onni's emotional state this is understandable, so I decided not to take anything off or award anything.


[Prose]
+ 1| Easy read.
+ 1| Excellent emotion. I can almost feel Onni's fear and desperation.
+ 1| Flowed nicely throughout the entire post.

TARES -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Using Onni's wind to turn more quickly to avoid her attack.
+ 1| Defense: Kicking to avoid Onni's bite.
- 1| Defense: Taking Onni's bite to the base of Tares' neck. This defense was unnecessary and unrealistic to me since Onni was biting for Tares' cannon.
- 1| Attack: I don't really understand what's going on here. Tares was rearing then knocked down onto all fours before trying to attack Onni's face and head with herr knee and hoof and at the same time swiped her horn at her. Onni is moving very quickly so you would not have time to do all of this.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: I love that Tares doesn't want to hurt Onni because they're herdmates.
- 1| Flow: This post seemed a little jumbled to me. It didn't flow well from defense to attack.
- 1| This post was a difficult read for me. I had to read it a few times to understand what was going on and you also stretched the time far too much to get in extra attacks that Tares would have had no time for.

ONNI -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Taking Tares' kick to the chest and explaining why it didn't hurt as much as it could have.
+ 1| Attack: Kicking at Tares' chest.
+ 1 Attack: Air ram!


[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: Again, I can feel what Onni is feeling and I can almost hear Voltaic chiding her for her mess ups.
- 1| Flow: It was just a little bit weird because of the fight's timing being thrown off.
- 1| With the timing being thrown off with the previous post and the flow being strange, this post was a little difficult to read at times and I had to go back and reread.

TARES -- post 3

[Realism]
+ 1| Counter attack: Taking to the air and using your knees to try and ram Onni.
+ 1| Companion: Arbutus using his tears to calm Tares and allow her to focus again.
- 2| Defense: Rearing again. If Tares has weak hocks that are already aching her I don't think she would be rearing as much as it is. Also, it gets a little repetitive. I don't understand what you mean by Onni striking Tares' fore-hock (horses don't have fore-hocks). Later in your post you say that Tares has an injured hock which I also wouldn't recommend since Tares already has weak hocks.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: I felt like I was there with Tares, watching everything through her eyes.
+ 1| Flow: This post flowed wonderfully throughout.
+ 1| Ease of read: This post was a lot easier to read than the one before it.

ONNI -- post 5 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: Banking to avoid crashing into Tares.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion: I can almost feel Onni's dread as she realizes who she has been fighting.
+ 1| This post was super easy to read and very cleanly wrapped up the fight.
+ 1| Mention of injuries and how Onni's activity and exhaustion makes them ache


ONNI

[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings: I loved that you kept in mind how dark the forest was and how much of a role it played in Onni's attacks and defenses

[Injuries]
Nothing of note.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Using the tree trunk as a springboard to mount what could have been a deadly attack on Tares was genius.

Comments: Overall your posts were very easy to read and flowed very well from one attack to another as well as defenses. The emotion Onni was feeling throughout the fight made me feel like I was seeing the fight through her eyes. I enjoyed it immensely

TARES

[Bonus]
+ 1| Emotion: It felt like everything Tares did was driven purely by her emotions from her fear of injuring Onni to her determination to keep herself alive. Her concern for Arbutus was also very endearing.

[Injuries]
- 1| Injured hock

[Creativity]
+ 1| I definitely liked that you used Onni's wind to help pivot Tares. It's not something I would have thought about doing right away so it was intriguing.

Comments: As with Onni, I felt like I was viewing the fight through Tares' eyes. Your posts were filled with emotion that gave me a feel of who Tares truly is. The only thing I think you need to work on is your timing in the fight. Keep in mind that fights are fast paced so sometimes you may only get in one or two attacks instead of three or four in one post. Also, for your next fight I would not recommend Tares do as much rearing as she did in this fight. I think that with her weak hocks it would wear her down and cause her legs to be injured badly.

TOTAL
Onni - 70
Tares - 60





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